M98  3 

y//./  ^  / 

'  /fi<  v/  •  /-  •  - 

' 

///, 


PLETTHKR, 


THE    LIFE 

OF 

MRS.   MARY    FLETCHER, 

CONSORT  AND  .RELICT 
OP  THE 

REV.  JOHN  FLETCHER, 

VICAR  OF   MADELEY,   SALOP. 

COJi"ILED   FROM   HER    JOURNAL,    AND  OTHER  AUTHENTIC 
DOCUMENTS. 


BY  HENRY  MOORE. 


The  end  of  the  commandment  is  charity,  out  of  a  pure  heart,  and  of  a  good  eon- 
science,  and  of  faith  unfeigned, — 1  Tim.  i,  5. 

By  faith, — choosing  rather  to  suffer  affliction  with  the  people  of  God,  than  io 
enjoy  the  pleasures  of  3in  for  a  season, — Heb  xi.  25. 

These  are  they  which  follow  the  Lamb  whithersoever  he  eoeth, — Rey.  iir,  4 


NEW-YORK, 

PDELISHED  BY  J.  EMORY  AND  B.  WATJGH.  FOR  THE  METHODIST 

EPISCOPAL  CHURCH,  AT  THE  CONFERENCE  OFFICE. 

14  CROSBY-STREET. 

J.  Collurd,  printer. 

1832. 


PREFACE. 


A  SHORT  time  after  I  was  appointed  to  the  Birmingham  dis- 
trict, the  papers  of  the  late  Mrs.  Fletcher  were  put  into  my 
hands.  I  was  informed  at  the  same  time,  that  the  venerable 
person  whose  life  was  recorded  in  them,  had  mentioned  me  as 
one  that  she  wished  should  prepare  and  publish  her  papers ; 
and  that  an  application  to  that  effect  would  have  been  made  to 
me  before  that  time,  but  that  the  distance  of  my  former  appoint- 
ment had  prevented  it,  Mrs.  Fletcher  having  laid  an  injunction 
on  her  friend,  to  whom,  by  will,  she  had  committed  them,  not 
to  give  them  absolutely  into  the  hands  of  any  person  whatso- 
ever. 

I  examined  those  papers  with  no  common  interest.  They  • 
gave  an  account  not  only  of  the  writer's  own  life,  but  involved, 
in  some  respects,  that  of  her  admirable  husband.  I  was  cer- 
tain that  those  records  were  desired,  and  would  be  received, 
by  the  most  pious  in  these  kingdoms,  not  as  a  common  reli- 
gious biography,  but  as  the  record  of  an  uncommon  work  of 
God ;  and  that  they  would  not  be  expected  to  fall  short  of  any 
account  which  has  come  forth  in  that  gyeat  revival  of  Scriptural 
Christianity  in  our  day,  concerning  which  we  have  so  often 
been  constrained  to  say,  What  hath  God  wrought  ? 

I  have  often  wishe^  to  see  such  a  display  of  that  work  as 
would  show  its  genuine  nature  and  fruits,  free  from  the  colour- 
ing of  those  writers  who  were  not  directly  concerned  in  it ;  or 
of  those  who  might  be  so  anxious  about  its  public  reputation, 
as  to  forget,  that  the  circumcision  of  the  heart  is  justified 
only  by  those  children  of  the  light  and  of  the  day  who  prove 
•its  power,  and  cry,  Abba,  Father,  by  the  Spirit  of  adoption; 
and  whose  praise  is  not  of  men,  but  of  God.  It  is  much  to 
be  desired  also  to  sec  sucli  an  account  made  living  and  power- 
ful by  being  personified ; — to  see  an  individual  thus  walking- 
worthy  of  the  Lord  unto  all  pleasing,  being  fruitful  in  every 
good  work,  and  increasing  in  the  knowledge  of  God, 

A  general  history  of  this  work,  including  all  the  important 
circumstances,  has  been  already  published,  especially  in  the 
journals  of  the  Rev.  Mr.  John  Wesley,  the  father  of  Methodism, 
so  called.  In  these  we  see,  as  in  the  Gospel,  the  grain  of 
mustard  seed,  increasing  and  becoming  a  great  tree,  to  tho 
astonishment  of  those  who  witnessed  its  small  beginning,— ifho 
"  saw  the  cloud  arise  little  as  a  human  hand."  The  display 
given  us  in  that  account,  is  distinguished  by  the  same  aimpH- 


4  PREFACE. 

city,  purity,  and  classical  beauty,  which  arc  observable  in  afi 
the  writings  of  that  eminent  instrument  of  God.  This  large 
survey  is  highly  satisfactory  ;  but  the  aid  of  living  testimony 
is  necessary  to  bring  it  home  to  the  hearts  of  those  whose 
inquiry  is,  What  shall  I  do  to  be  saved  ?  How  shall  /  walk 
with  God  1 

Religion  is  nothing  less  than  the  life  of  God  in  the  soul  of 
man.  It  is  the  offspring  of  God  through  faith,  and  is  not,  and 
cannot  be  attached  to  churches  or  religious  communities, 
though  they  are  so  highly  necessary  to  its  propagation  an5 
increase.  It  never  was  so  attached  ;  though  while  the  cove- 
nant of  God  was  established  with  the  nation  of  the  Jews,  it 
had  that  appearance.  But  even  then,  all  were  not  Israel,  who 
were  of  Israel.  The  children  of  the  promise,  and  not  the 
children  of  the  flesh,  were  counted  for  the  seed.  The  Gospel, 
however,  to  the  stumbling  of  the  greatest  part  of  that  people, 
put  an  end  to  that  appearance.  The  national  covenant  answer- 
ed the  design  of  Him  who  gave  it.  It  foretold,  typified^  and 
prepared  the  way  of  the  only  begotten  Son  of  God.  But  who 
could  abide  the  day  of  his  coming  ?  Who  could  stand  when 
he  appeared  ?  It  is  true  he  was  meek  and  lowly  in  heart,  and 
his  very  word  and  action,  toward  even  the  greatest  transgress- 
ors, demonstrated  that  he  came  not  to  destroy  men's  lives,  but 
to  save  them.  But  he  exposed  and  resisted  all  those  who 
walked  in  the  deceivableness  of  unrighteousness,  and  who 
boasted,  like  their  fathers,  saying,  The  temple  of  the  Lord, 
the  temple  of  the  Lord,  the  temple  of  the  Lord,  are  we  !  He 
looked  for  personal  religion ;  and  all  who  attached  it  to  names, 
ordinances,  or  communities,  he  answered  with,  Ye  worship  ye 
know  not  what.  He  enforced  poverty  of  spirit,  mourning, 
meekness,  mercifulness,  and  purity  of  heart ;  showing  thus 
the  beginning  and  progress  of  religion,  as  given  to  guilty,  sin- 
ful, helpless  creatures,  in  whom  dwells  no  good  thing  ;  and 
who  are  thus  to  be  made  rich  in  faith,  and  heirs  of  the  king- 
dom of  heaven :  and  who  thus  alone  can  be  made  new  crea- 
tures, and  meet  for  the  inheritance  among  the  saints  in 
light ;  whose  robes  are  washed  and  made  white  in  the  blood 
oj  the  Lamb. 

These  pure  and  high  principles  of  Holy  Writ,  so  agreeable 
to  the  exalted  character  of  Jehovah,  and  to  the  fallen  and 
wretched  condition  of  man,  were  sought  out  and  adopted  by 
the  band  of  brothers  in  the  university  of  Oxford,  nearly  ninety 
years  ago.  One  great  truth  involved  the  whole  as  necessary 
to  salvation, —  Without  holiness  no  man  shall  see  the  Lord. 
They  immediately  followed  after  this,  making  every  sacrifice, 
and  ordering  their  whole  life  that  they  might  attain  it.  Some 
time  after,  the  Lord  showed  them  that  his  way  of  conferring 
holiness  was  by  faith ;  and  that  he  justifies  men,  as  beinp 


PREFACE.  0 

ungodly,  through  the  redemption  that  is  in  Jesus,  before  he 
sanctifies  them.  Th«y  now  knew  the  whole  truth,  and  the 
Lord  thrust  them  forth  from  their  beloved  retirement,  to  raise 
a  holy  people.  This  was  the  one  design  of  these  chosen  instru- 
ments, and  every  thing  short  of  it  they  counted,  to  use  the 
language  of  St.  Paul,  wood,  hay,  or  stubble. 

But  did  they  spend  their  strength  for  nought  ?  Were  they 
disappointed  of  their  hope '?  Were  not  a  holy  people  raised  up  7 
Let  the  life  of  Mrs.  Fletcher  speak.  Let  the  pious  reader  say, 
if  he  be  not  introduced,  in  these  memoirs,  among  the  excellent 
of  the  earth; — all  of  whom  with  one  voice  would  testify, 

"  Blind  we  were,  but  now  we  see ; 
Deaf,  we  hearken,  Lord !  to  thee ; 
Dumb,  for  thee  our  tongues  employ, 
Latne,  and  lo !  we  leap  for  joy." 

"  Some  who  have  separated  from  other  communities,"  says 
Mr.  Wesley,  "  laid  the  foundation  of  that  work,  in  judging  and 
condemning  others  :  we,  on  the  contrary,  in  judging  and  con- 
demning ourselves." 

I  cannot  therefore  but  greatly  rejoice  that  these  memoirs  are 
given  to  the  public,  and  especially  to  that  community  of  which 
the  writer  was  so  long  a  highly  honoured  and  useful  member. 
I  cannot  but  tlu'nk  they  will  be  a  great  blessing  to  the  people 
of  God  of  every  denomination ;  and  especially  to  all  who  desire 
to  walk  even  as  Christ  also  walked,  and  who  are  conscious 
of  an  evil  nature,  opposing  that  will  of  God  which  is  their 
sanetification.  In  this  point  of  view  especially,  these  memoirs 
will  be  considered,  I  think,  as  very  precious  to  all  V;\\Q  fight 
this  good  fight  of  faith.  The  reader  will  find  in  them  no  paint ; 
nothing  to  set  the  writer  off;  no  extravagance  ;  but  plain  life, 
raised  and  sanctified  by  constant  attention  to  the  duties  and 
sacrifices  of  the  Gospel ;  and  issuing  in  a  constant  pleading  of 
the  great  and  precious  promises,  by  which  we  are  made  par- 
takers of  the  Divine  ncture  :  with  unremitting  efforts  to  walk 
by  that  rule,  Whether  ye  eat  or  drink,  or  whatever  ye  do,  do 
all  to  the  glory  of  God. 

Luther  observed,  that  there  never  was  a  work  of  God  in  the 
earth  that  lasted  longer,  in  any  community,  than  the  common 
life  of  man  ;  that  is,  upon  an  average,  about  thirty  years. 
Generally  about  that  period  the  vineyard  which  the  Lord 
planted  with  his  own  right  hand,  has  been  let  out  to  husband- 
men, who,  yielding  to  their  natural  propensities,  and  accom- 
modating the  work  of  the  Lord  to  the  course  of  this  world, 
have  not  been  careful  to  render  to  him  the  required  fruit. 
Hence  the  visible  state  of  decay,  or  of  death,  in  those  couirnu- 
nities  which  once  manifested  the  Divine  hand  of  him  vufco 
formed  them.  But  this  work  has  lasted  nearly  thrice  raft 
time !  There  are  none  alive  who  witnessed  its  beginning,  and 

I* 


6  PREPACK. 

but  very  few  who  knew  its  early  days.  If  any  such  meet  wrtli 
this  work,  they  will  call  to  mind  the  ve*ry  glorious  time  when 
it  was  altogether  the  work  of  God ;  when  it  was  unsupported 
by  any  worldly  power  or  wisdom,  and  had  all  that  is  earthly, 
sensual,  and  devilish,  combined  against  it.  They  will  see  also 
a  consistency  in  the  design,  and  in  the  mode  of  execution, 
which  is  truly  edifying,  and  not  of  this  world.  The  instru- 
ments employed  in  this  work,  and  especially  that  one  so  emi- 
nently called  thereto,  were  not  careful  fo'ir  such  prosperity  as 
worldly  men  desire.  They  knew,  like  their  blessed  Master, 
that  all  whom  their  Father  gave  them  would  come  unto  them, 
and  they  did  not  desire  to  bring  the  world  into  his  fold.  The 
world  is  called,  and  redeemed:  but  to  add  to  the  family  of  Qod 
all  who  obeyed  that  call,  was  their  only  ambition,  and  the  ob- 
ject of  their  incessant  labours. 

The  great  superintendent  of  this  work,  under  God,  looked 
not  for  what  the  world  calls  great  talents  in  his  helpers.  In 
this  respect  also  he  gladly  used  those  whom  the  Father  gave 
him ;  who  were  witnesses  of  the  truths  which  they  were  called 
to  teach :  men  who  knew  God  (in  the  only  way  in  which  he 
can  be  truly  and  powerfully  known)  as  being  merciful  to  their 
unrighteousness,  and  remembering  their  sins  no  more.  He 
was  careful  also  to  see  that  the  true  fruit  accompanied  their 
ministry, — The  justification  of  the  ungodly,  and  the  xancti- 
fication  of  the  unholy.  He  used  to  say,  "  The  best  physician 
is  not  he  who  writes  the  best  recipes,  but  he  who  makes  the 
most  cures."  When  men  of  learning  united  with  him  ift  this 
Divine  work,  he  greatly  rejoiced,  and  gladly  received  them. 
The  late  Mr.  Fletcher  was  an  eminent  instance  of  that  kind. 
His  learning  was  deep,  extensive,  clear,  and  various  ;  but  like 
his  venerable  friend,  whom  he  always  called  father,  he  counted 
even  all  these  estimable  advantages  as  dung  and  dross  for  the 
excellency  of  the  knowledge  of  Christ  Jesus  his  Lord.  So 
abased  was  this  great  man  in  his  own  eyes,  and  so  entirely  did 
he  take  the  Divine  mould  of  the  Gospel,  that  there  was  not 
one  of  those  helpers  in  the  work  whom  he  did  not  rejoice  to 
call  his  brother  in  Christ,  and  whom  he  did  not  in  honour  pre- 
fer to  himself,  even  in  his  own  parish. 

The  private  members  also  were  men  and  women  of  God  ; 
and  among  these  Miss  Bosanquet  always  held,  in  general  esti- 
mation, the  chief  place.  Her  superiority  in  natural  and  provi- 
dential gifts, — her  well  known  entire  devotedness, — her  con- 
stancy and  perseverance  in  the  Divine  life, — her  doing  and 
suffering  the  whole  will  of  her  Master,  all  fitted  her,  as  by  a 
general  consent,  to  be  the  consort  of  that  great  man,  whose 
iflbtse  is  in  all  the  churches;  whose  admirable  writings  will 
lit«  while  piety  and  learning  are  honoured  in  the  earth ;  and 
which  have  forced  even  those  who  did  not  kaow  his  piety>  ot 


PREFACE.  7 

affected  to  lament  that  such  talents  should  be  so  connected,  to 
acknowledge  his  great  superiority. 

That  the  highest  principles  of  the  Christian  religion  should 
be  brought  into  common  life,  is  the  greatest  display  of  the 
power  of  Divine  truth  that  is  possible,  and  the  most  glorious 
victory  over  the  world.  It  is  thus  that  righteousness  shall 
cover  the  earth,  and  bring  glory  to  him  that  sitteth  upon  the 
throne.  How  poor,  how  questionable,  are  all  the  refinements 
of  the  closet,  the  study,  or  the  cloister,  when  compared  with 
the  love  of  God  and  our  neighbour,  brought  into  act,  and 
exhibited  on  right  principles,  amidst  the  common  concerns  and 
labours  of  life,  and  attended  with  its  usual  trials,  afflictions,  and 
mortifications  !  To  persevere  thus,  is  indeed  the  perseverance 
of  the  saints,  and  realizes  that  old  saying,  too  often  quoted  by 
pride  and  apathy :  "  It  is  a  sight  worthy  of  God,  when  he  looks 
down  from  heaven,  to  see  a  virtuous  mind  unswervingly  strug- 
gle with  adversity."  Such  a  sight,  I  trust,  the  pious  reader 
will  behold  in  the  life  of  Mrs.  Fletcher.  Her  one  support  in 
all  her  trials  was,  in  substance,  that  of  Job :  He  knoweth  the 
way  that  I  take,  and  when  he  hath  tried  me,  I  shall  come- 
forth  as  gold. 

What  indeed  can  be  so  interesting  to  a  mind  well  informed 
and  disposed,  as  to  behold  the  daily  walk  of  one,  who,  from  a 
very  early  age  had  devoted  her  whole  life  to  God  1  Not  living 
in  seclusion,  but  walking  in  what  Jeremiah  calls  the  highway, 
— the  way  of  holiness,  in  which  the  wayfaring  man,  though 
a  fool,  shall  not  err?  To  see  our  Lord's  sermon  on  the  mount 
brought  into  daily  and  hourly  practice,  according  to  the  evident 
design  of  its  divine  Author.  To  see  the  house  thus  built  upon 
the  rock,  the  truth  and  love  of  God ;  and  then  to  behold  the 
rains  descend,  and  thejloods  come,  and  the  winds  blow  and 
beat  upon  it !  Surely  they  who  contemplate  the  scene,  and 
behold  its  stability,  will  exultingly  exclaim  :  It  falls  not ;  for 
it  is  founded  upon  a  rock  ! 

That  such  a  person  should  be  judged  by  men  in  the  flesh, 
while  living  to  God  in  the  spirit,  will  not  be  surprising  to  any 
who  learn  what  religion  is,  by  the  word  and  Spirit  of  God,  and 
who  know  the  real  character  of  man.  Mrs.  Fletcher  was  thus 
judged.  The  common  imputations  'she  outlived,  or  lived  down. 
One  perhaps  may  remain.  It  may  still  perhaps  be  said,  she 
was  an  enthusiast.  To  many  who  use  this  word  no  answer' 
need  be  returned.  Any  thing  above  the  dead  form  of  godliness 
is  with  them  enthusiasm.  A  love  to  Him  who  first  loved  us, 
and  who  gave  himself  for  us,  the  just  for  the  unjust,  to  bring 
us  to  God,  which  would  at  all  equal  in  its  attachment  the  love 
that  is  of  earth  and  sense,  is  with  them  all  madness,  folly,  or 
hypocrisy ;  wisdom  is  justified  only  by  her  children. 

But  more  sober  minds  may  object,  that  she  too  much  mind- 


S  PREFACE. 

ed  impressions,  dreams,  and  those  inward  feelings,  which 
religious  persons  are  supposed  to  be  particularly  exposed  to. 
That  such  things  should  be  condemned,  toto  genere,  is  hardly 
consistent  with  any  true  religion,  seeing  the  oracles  of  God  so 
frequently  mention  them ;  and  not  as  attached  to  the  prophetic 
or  ministerial  character,  but  as  given  to  those  who  walk  with 
God  in  the  humblest  path  of  life.  The  wisest  and  best  of  men 
have  not  only  spoken  of  such  things  with  respect,  but  have 
made  them  a  part  of  the  religion  which  they  have  held  forth  to 
ages  and  generations,  to  communities  and  kingdoms.  Con- 
cerning  religious  feelings  and  impressions,  the  Liturgy  of  the 
Church  of  England,  and  her  established  institutes,  bear  the 
fullest  and  most  honourable  testimony ;  setting  the  highest 
value  on  that  mode  of  Divine  teaching,  and  of  bestowing  en- 
couragement and  consolation.  We  know  the  worship  of  our 
Church  is  so  constituted,  as,  if  possible,  to  impress  the  whole 
nation ;  but  there  are  parts  of  it  that  can  only  be  considered  as 
describing  and  edifying  the  children  of  God.  How  striking 
are  those  passages  in  the  communion  service,  where  those  who 
spiritually  eat  the  flesh  of  Christ,  and  drink  his  blood,  are 
said,  agreeably  to  the  Holy  Scriptures,  to  dwell  in  Christ,  and 
Christ  in  them ;  to  be  one  with  Christ,  and  Christ  with  them .' 
And  in  the  seventeenth  article,  where  there  is  the  strongest 
description  of  those  adopted  children  of  God,  (so  strong  indeed 
in  some  of  the  terms,  that  not  a  few  have  mistaken  this  Scrip- 
tural account  of  them,  as  descriptive  of  Mr.  Calvin's  system,) 
who  by  the  counsel  of  God,  are  delivered  from  the  curse  and 
damnation  due  to  sin,  and  brought  through  Christ  to  ever- 
lasting sahation,  as  vessels  made  to  honour.  "  Wherefore 
they  which  be  endued  with  so  excellent  a  benefit  of  God,  be 
called  according  to  God's  purpose  by  his  Spirit  working  in  due 
season :  they  through  grace  obey  the  calling :  they  be  justified 
freely  :  they  be  made  sons  of  God  by  adoption  :  they  be  made 
like  unto  the  image  of  his  only  begotten  Son,  Jesus  Christ : 
they  walk  religiously  in  good  works,  and  at  length,  by  God's 
mercy,  they  attain  to  everlasting  felicity."  And  "  as  this  godly 
consideration  of  their  election  in  Christ  is  full  of  sweet,  plea- 
sant, and  unspeakable  comfort, — to  such  as  feel  in  them- 
selves the  working  of  the  Spirit  of  Christ,  mortifying  the 
works  of  the  flesh,  and  their  earthly  members,  and  drawing 
up  their  mind  to  high  and  heavenly  things ;  so  it  doth  great- 
ly establish  and  confirm  their  faith  of  eternal  salvation,  and 
fervently  kindle  their  love  to  God." 

Now  with  all  this  life,  union,  and  holy  fellowship,  are  there 
no  corresponding  feelings  and  enjoyments  '?  No  tasting  the 
powers  of  the  world  to  come  ?  No  lively  impressions  of  their 
heavenly  inheritance  ?  No  consciousness  of  his  love  to  them, 
or  their  love  to  him,  in  whom  they  dwell?  No  peace  or  joy 


PREFACE. 

tn  believing  1  If  this  were  indeed  so,  then  I  am  afraid,  the 
life,  the  union,  of  which  those  feelings  and  impressions  have 
been  considered  as  the  gracious  marks,  have  no  real  existence ; 
and  the  system  which  boasts  of  a  peace,  of  which  the  possessor 
has  no  consciousness,  a  joy  which  raiseth  not  "the  mind  to 
high  and  heavenly  things,"  and  a  hope  which  is  not  full  of  im- 
mortality, may  triumphantly  take  its  place  in  the  congregation 
of  the  dead! 

But  it  will  be  asked,  Did  she  not  lay  an  undue  stress  up< 
these  things  ?  I  believe  not.  I  have  not  perceived  it.  On  t 
contrary,  I  have  seen,  even  when  she  believed  herself  led 
the  Spirit  of  God  to  do  that  good  which  was  the  settled  pi 
pose  of  her  whole  life,  she  manifested  the  greatest  care  to  wi 
according  to  St.  John's  direction,  Beloved,  believe  not  even, 
spirit ;  but  try  the  spirits  whether  they  be  of  God.  In  obe- 
dience to  this,  she  considered  and  pondered  all  her  ways,  and 
brought  every  purpose  and  act  to  the  only  sure  touchstone,  the 
unerring  word  of  God.  The  same  charge  was  often  brought 
against  Mr.  Wesley,  and  for  precisely  the  same  reasons. 
Answering  the  most  respectable  of  those  who  thus  laid  to  his 
charge  things  that  he  knew  not,  viz.  Dr.  Gibson,  the  venera- 
ble bishop  of  London,  he  replies,  "  In  the  whole  compass  of 
language,  there  is  not  a  proposition  which  belongs  less  to  me 
than  this.  I  have  declared  again  and  again,  that  I  make  the 
word  of  God  the  rule  of  all  my  actions  ;  and  that  I  no  more 
follow  any  secret  impulse  instead  thereof,  than  I  follow  Mo- 
hammed or  Confucius." 

Let  Mrs.  Fletcher  be  weighed  in  this  balance,  and  I  believe 
she  will  not  be  found  wanting.  She,  like  Mr.  Wesley,  and 
her  excellent  husband,  served  God  in  newness  of  the  spirit, 
and  not  in  the  oldness  of  the  letter.  Hence  her  life  was  hid 
with  Christ  in  God,  and  she  had  impressions,  and  consola- 
tions, which  are  the  fruits  and  evidences  of  that  life.  But  she 
well  knew  that  the  Spirit  of  truth  never  contradicts,  never  is 
inconsistent  with  himself.  His  written  oracles,  and  his  lively, 
and  life-giving  teaching,  agree  together.  She  humbly  and 
earnestly  attended  to  that  direction,  To  the  law,  and  to  the 
testimony ;  if  they  speak  not  according  to  this  word,  it  is 
because  there  is  no  light  in  them.  A  writer  of  the  present 
day  has  strangely  said,  that  he  knew  of  no  witness,  no  influ- 
ence, no  teaching,  but  the  written  word  of  God.  Perhaps  he 
does  not  know  any  other.  But  there  are  many  who  walk  with 
God  who  do.  But  if  that  writer  only  means,  that  he  knows, 
or  acknowledges,  no  witness,  no  influence,  no  teaching,  that  if 
contrary  to  that  holy  word,  or  that  is  inconsistent  with  its  one 
design,  to  save  us  from  all  sin,  into  all  holiness,  every  true 
Christian  will  applaud  the  sentiment.  Mrs.  Fletcher  was 
watchful  in  this  respect,  being  aware  of  the  danger.  Hence, 


10  PREFACE. 

though  she  might  err,  she  never  deviated  from  the  path.  She 
might  mistake  ;  but  she  was  always  preserved  from  any  depar- 
ture from  her  God. 

The  pious  reader  will  be  glad  to  be  assured,  that  the  who!' 
of  these  memoirs  are  from  Mrs.  Fletcher's  pen.  In  compiling 
her  Life,  I  have  left  out  much  valuable  matter,  which  was  either 
contained,  in  substance,  in  other  parts  of  these  memoirs,  or 
was  not  of  sufficient  interest  to  appear  in  the  publication.  I 
have  also  compressed  what  I  thought  was  redundant,  that  the 
work  might  not  be  needlessly  swelled.  I  have  also  thought  it 
right  to  press  her  sentences  into  more  conciseness.  She  wrote 
in  the  fulness  of  her  heart,  and  with  admirable  sense  ;  but  her 
style  was  rather  too  copious,  and  sometimes  too  diffuse,  for 
narrative  or  history.  But  I  have  taken  care,  at  the  same  time, 
to  give  the  admirable  issues  of  her  enlightened  mind,  with  all  • 
the  force  and  simplicity  with  which  she  recorded  them.  . 

Those  who  have  read  the  lives  of  those  truly  pious  women, 
Madame  Guion,  Chantel,  Bourignon,  and  others  of  the  same 
class,  which  so  abundantly  prove,  that  even  the  cloud  of  Rom- 
ish superstition  does  not  preclude  thetays  of  the  Sun  of  right- 
eousness, and  that  involuntary  ignorance  God  still  winketk 
at,  will  be  glad  to  see  a  life,  in  the  Protestant  Church,  supe- 
rior to  any  of  them.  Especially,  they  will  see,  that  all  in  her 
may  be  safely  imitated,  being  all  according  to  the  faith  once 
delivered  to  the  saints.  They  will  see  also,  not  the  fair  pic- 
ture only,  but  how  it  came  to  bear  the  stamp  Divine.  They 
may  trace  its  progress,  and  be  encouraged  to  believe,  that  the 
Lord,  who  is  ever  the  same,  will  thus  work  in  them  to  will 
and  to  do,  notwithstanding  opposing  corruptions :  and  they 
will  thus  be  encouraged  to  give  themselves  up  to  that  grace  of 
Gody  which  teaches  us  to  deny  ungodliness,  and  worldly 
lusts,  and  to  live  soberly,  righteously,  and  godly,  in  this  pre- 
sent world ;  looking  for  that  blessed  hope  and  the  glorious 
appearing  of  the  great  God  and  our  Saviour  Jesus  Christ. 

H.  MOORE. 

Birmingham,  April  14,  1817. 


THE 


LIFE   OF  MRS.  FLETCHER. 


PART  THE  FIRST. 


HER  EARLY  LIFE  AND  CHRISTIAN  EXPERIENCE. 

I  WAS  born  September  the  first,  O.  S.,  1739,  at  Laytonstone, 
m  Essex.  From  my  earliest  years  1  can  remember  the  Spirit 
of  God  striving  with  me,  and  offering  me  salvation ;  but  I 
slighted  these  most  gracious  calls,  and  many  times  resisted  the 
most  tender  invitations.  One  day,  from  a  little  circumstance 
which  occurred  when  I  was  about  four  years  old,  I  received 
such  a  conviction  that  God  heareth  prayer,  that  it  often  admi- 
nistered much  comfort  to  me  in  seasons  of  trial  and  danger. 
Of  this  I  had  the  greater  need,  being  by  nature  fearful  even  to 
a  degree  of  folly.  How  much  this  effeminacy  of  disposition 
has  cost  me,  in  my  Christian  warfare,  and  what  sufferings,  as 
well  as  spiritual  loss,  I  have  sustained  from  it,  is  known  .only 
to  my  heavenly  Father. 

When  I  was  five  years  old,  I  began  to  have  much  concern 
about  my  eternal  welfare,  and  frequently  inquired  of  those  about 
me,  whether  such  and  such  things  were  sins.  On  Sabbath 
evenings,  my  dear  father  used  to  instruct  us  in  the  Church 
catechism.  At  those  seaso%s  I  can  remember  asking  many 
questions.  I  wished  to  know  whether  any  ever  did  love  God 
with  all  their  heart,  and  their  neighbour  as  themselves  ;  and 
whether  it  was  really  the  command  of  God  that  we  should  do 
so :  also  if  the  Bible  really  meant  all  it  said  ?  It  seemed  to  me 
that  if  it  did,  I  was  wrong,'  and  all  about  me  in  danger ;  for 
there  appeared  to  be  a  great  difference  between  the  description 
of  a  Christian  given  in  the  word  of  God,  and  those  who  walk 
under  that  name. 

As  I  was  a  backward  child,  and  of  weaker  understanding 
than  the  others,  I  was  not  well  re"ad  in  the  Scriptures  at  that 
very  early  age ;  but  sentences  out  of  the  word  of  God  frequently 
occurred  to  my  mind,  and  made  a  deep  impression ;  such  as, 
Thou  shall  love  the  Lord  thy  God  with  all  thy  heart.  I 
ivoulJttp|Rrer,  But  I  do  not  love  God  at  all ;  I  do  not  know 
how  w*Iove  him ;  and  with  respect  to  loving  my  neighbour 
thus,  I  am  sure  I  do  not ;  for  though  my  sister  is  dearer  to  me 
ban  any  body  else,  I  do  not  love  her  as  well  as  myself.  Again, 


12  THE   LIFE  OV  [PART  I 

that  word  struck  me  much ;  St.  Paul  says,  I  have  fought  the 
good  fight ;  and  when  I  was  baptized,  the  minister  said,  I  was 
to  be  "  Christ's  faithful  soldier  and  servant,  and  fight  manfully^ 
under  his  banner."  This  amazed  me  greatly.  I  thought,  I  aij^ 
sure  I  do  not  fight,  neither  do  I  know  what  to  fight  againe 
But,  above  all,  that  sentence  would  follow  me,  Narrow  is  the 
way  which  leadeth  unto  life,  and  few  there  be  that  find,  it ; 
and,  //  ye  are  not  of  the  world,  the  world  will  hate  you.  I 
did  not  feel  it  a  narrow  way,  neither  did  the  world  hate  me  ; 
therefore  I  questioned  often  whether  I  was  not  quite  out  of  the 
way,  yet  it  was  not  with  any  terror  :  I  believed  if  the  Lord  saw 
that  I  was  wrong,  he  would  make  me  right,  and  sometimes  I 
prayed  for  it.  At  other  times  I  was  very  careless ;  yet  these 
reflections  still  dwelt  on  my  mind,  and  often  perplexed  me.  I 
frequently  asked  questions  about  these  subjects,  but  they  were 
often  very  lightly  treated.  Those  parts  of  Scripture  were 
represented  as  very  liable  to  be  mistaken,  and  that  they  did  not 
require  obedience  in  all  the  strictness  which  I  seemed  to  sup- 
pose. This  well  agreed  with  my  carnal  mind,  and  I  thus  soon 
quenched  those  tender  convictions :  so  easy  is  it  to  drown  the 
soft  voice  of  the  Spirit  by  carnal  reasonings. 

I  now  drew  the  following  reflections  :  If  the  Bible  does  not 
mean  all  it  seems  to  speak,  with  regard  to  the  commands  of 
God,  certainly  the  same  allowance  may  be  made  for  its  threat- 
enings ;  so  that  I  began  to  believe  there  was  no  hell  at  all,  or  at 
least  not  half  so  terrible  as  I  had  been  taught  to  think.  This 
thought  raised  in  me  a  dislike  to  the  word  of  God,  and  great 
coldness  and  carelessness  throughout  all  my  conduct.  But  my 
adorable  Lord  did  not  give  me  up  to  the  hardness  of  my  heart, 
but  still  followed  me  with  his  drawings.  Often  I  thought,  per- 
haps the  Bible  does  mean  what  it  says,  and  then  I  am  not  a 
Christian ;  and  greatly  did  I  wish  to  know  what  was  the  truth. 
My  sister,  who  was  nearly  five  years  elder  than  I,  was  also 
under  a  concern  for  her  soul :  she  wished  to  know  and  do  the 
will  of  God. 

About  this  time  there  came  a  servant  maid  to  live  with  my 
father,  who  ha"d  heard  of,  and  felt  some  little  of  the  power  of 
inward  religion.  It  was  among  the  people  called  Methodists 
she  had  received  her  instructions.  Seeing  the  uneasiness  my 
sister  was  under,  she  took  some  opportunities  of  conversing 
with  her.  I  was  at  this  season  with  my  grandmother.  On  my 
return  home,  my  sister  repeated  the  substance  of  these  conver- 
sations to  me.  I  well  remember  the  very  spot  we  stood  on, 
and  the  words  she  spake,  which,  though  we  were  but  a  few 
'toinutes  together,  sunk  so  deeply  into  my  heart,  that  Jtaawere 
tfever  afterward  erased.  My  reflections  were  suitedlBBIchild 
not  seven  years  old.  I  thought  if  I  became  a  Methodist,  I 
should  be  sure  of  salvation ;  and  determined,  if  ever  I  could 


FART  I.I  MRS.   FLETCHER.  13 

I 

get  to  that  people,  whatever  it  cost  I  would  be  one  of  them. 
But  after  a  few  conversations,  and  hearing  my  sister  read  some 
little  books  which  this  servant  had  given  to  her,  I  found  out,  it 
was  not  the  being  joined  to  any  people  that  would  save  me, 
but  I  must  be  converted,  and  have  faith  in  Christ ;  that  I  was 
to  be  saved  by  believing ;  and  that  believing  would  make  me 
holy,  and  give  me  a  power  to  love  and  serve  God. 

The  servant  had  now  left  our  family,  and  we  continued  like 
blind  persons  groping  our  way  in  the  dark ;  yet,  though  we 
had  so  far  discerned  the  truth  as  to  express  it  in  the  above 
manner,  I  could  not  comprehend  it.  My  heart  rose  against  the 
;dea  of  being  saved  by  a  faith  which  I  could  not  understand. 
One  day  looking  over  the  pictures  in  the  Book  of  Martyrs,  I 
thought  it  would  be  easier  to  burn  than  believe ;  and  heartily 
did  I  wish  that  the  Papists  would  come  and  bum  me,  and  then 
1  thought  I  should  be  quite  safe.  Yet  these  troubled  thoughts 
were  mixed  with  a  degree  of  hope.  I  thought,  God  does  love 
me,  I  believe,  after  all ;  and,  perhaps,  he  will  show  me  what  it 
is  to  believe  and  be  converted. 

When  I  was  between  seven  and  eight  years  old,  musing  one 
day  on  that  thought,  What  can  it  be  to  know  my  sins  forgiven, 
and  to  have  faith  in  Jesus  1  I  felt  my  heart  rise  against  God, 
for  having  appointed  a  way  of  salvation  so  hard  to  be  under- 
stood ;  and  with  anguish  of  soul  I  said,  if  it  were  to  die  a  mar- 
tyr, I  could  do  it ;  or  to  give  away  all  I  have  ;  or  when  grown 
up  to  become  a  servant,  that  would  be  easy ;  but  I  shall  never 
know  how  to  believe.  In  that  moment  these  words  were  applied 
with  mighty  power  to  my  soul, — 

"  Who  on  Jesus  relies,  without  money  or  price, 
The  pearl  of  forgiveness  and  holiness  buys." 

They  were  accompanied  with  a  light  and  power  I  had  never 
known  before  ;  and  with  joy  I  cried  out,  I  do,  I  do  rely  on 
Jesus ;  yes,  I  do  rely  on  Jesus,  and  God  counts  me  righteous 
for  what  he  hath  done  and  suffered,  and  hath  forgiven  all  my 
sins  !  I  was  surprised  that  I  could  not  find  out  this  before.  I 
had  thought  every  thing  easier  than  to  believe  ;  but  now  I 
thought  the  way  of  believing  more  easy  than  any  other.  A  ray 
of  light  into  the  Gospel  plan  shone  upon  my  soul,  and  I  began 
to  adore  the  wonders  of  redeeming  love.  But,  alas  !  it  was  but 
as  the  drops  before  a  shower  ;  in  a  few  days  1  lost  the  power 
m  a  great  measure,*  though  not  the  light  of  this  blessing.  I 
can  remember  many  promises  after  this,  being  at  times  brought 
to  my  mind.  Something  also  of  a  confidence  in  the  Lord  Jesus 
I  everxetained ;  and  when  fears  would  spring  up  concerning 
'.he  day  of  jugment,  I  used  to  comfort  myself  with  this  thought, — 

*  She  was  not  favoured  at  this  time  with  Christian  fellowship.  She  had  none 
to  help  her  in  the  way  of  faith. — ED. 

2 


14  THE  LIFE   OF  [PART  I. 

* 

Jesus  is  to  be  the  judge,  and  I  cannot  be  afraid  of  Jesu 
I  had  not  yet  learned  that  lesson, — 

•'  Man  for  the  simple  life  divine 
What  will  it  cost  to  break ! 
Ere  pleasure  soft,  and  wily  pride, 
Xo  more  within  him  speak  V 

Some  time  after  I  had  thus  by  faith  "  tasted  of  the  powers 
of  the  world  to  come,"  I  fell  into  an  uncommon  lowness  and 
weakness  of  nerves,  which  was  accompanied  with  grievous 
temptations.  I  was  oppressed  beyond  measure  with  the  fear 
of  sin,  and  accused  in  almost  every  thing  I  said  or  did,  so  that 
I  was  altogether  a  heap  of  inconsistency.  This  was  followed 
by  temptations  unspeakably  afflicting.  It  was  continually  sug- 
gested to  my  mind,  I  had  blasphemed  against  the  Holy  Ghost. 
The  consequent  effect  of  these  temptations  on  my  temper, 
drew  on  me  many  grievous  burdens,  and  exposed  me  to  so 
much  anger  and  reproach  from  my  parents,  as  made  me  weary 
of  life.  It  appeared  to  them  that  I  was  obstinate  and  disobe- 
dient ;  and  my  flesh  has  seemed  ready  to  move  on  my  bones, 
when  I  have  heard  my  dear  mother  say,  "That  girl  is  the  most 
perverse  creature  that  ever  lived ;  I  cannot  think  what  is  come 
to  her ;"  and  my  heart  used  to  sink  like  a  stone,  for  I  knew  not 
what  to  do,  and  the  grief  of  my  mind  quite  destroyed  my  health. 
My  grandfather  and  grandmother,  who  were  to  me  the  tender- 
est  of  parents,  seeing  me  in  such  a  poor  way  as  to  my  body, 
(though  they  knew  not  the  cause,)  desired  to  have  me  with 
them.  I  grew  something  better  while  I  was  there ;  but  on  my 
return  home,  I  became  as  bad  as  ever. 

This  heavy  season  lasted,  I  think,  nine  weeks ;  when  one 
day  opening  my  mind  to  my  sister,  (as  indeed  I  had  often 
before  attempted  to  do,  but  could  not  explain  myself,)  she  pro- 
videntially used  these  words  in  her  answer,  "  Why,  you  do  not 
mean  to  blaspheme,  do  you  !"  A  light  immediately  struck  into 
my  nr.nd  ;  I  weighed  the  thought  over  and  over,  and  could  truly 
say,  Lord,  thou  knowest  I  do  not  mean  to  blaspheme.  I 
then  recollected  that  I  had  heard  something  about  temptation, 
and  often  wondered  what  it  was.  I  thought,  it  may  be,  Satan 
whispers  this  into  my  mind,  like  what  we  read  about  Christian 
in  the  Pilgrim's  Progress,  going  through  the  valley  of  the  sha- 
dow of  death.  I  then  determined  never  to  regard  it  more,  but 
always  answer  with  these  words,  I  do  not  mean  to  blaspheme, 
I  will  acknowledge  Christ  for  ever ;  and  in  a  few  days  I  was 
perfectly  delivered.  I  am  the  more  full  on  this  head,  because 
it  has  been  a  warning  to  me  ever  since,  not  to  be  too  severe  in 
passing  a  judgment  on  the  actions  of  children,  whose^i^- 
tions  are  far  deeper,  and  their  feelings  much  ket': 
are  apt  to  imagine. 

1  was  now,  I  believe,  about  ten  years  old,  and  can  recollect 


PART  I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  15 

many  comfortable  moments  in  reading  the  word  of  God.  The 
oromises  in  Isaiah  were,  in  a  particular  manner,  applied  to  my 
<oul,  and  I  hardly  ever  opened  the  Bible  but  there  was  something 
/or  me ;  till  one  day  I  heard  a  person  make  this  remark,  that 
many  people  took  promises  to  themselves  which  did  not  belong 
to  them.  Of  some,  she  observed,  they  belonged  to  the  church ; 
others  to  the  Jews  ;  such  and  such  to  the  Gentiles,  &c  ;  and 
then  began  to  blame 'the  presumption  of  those  who  applied  them 
to  their  own  souls  !  Such  a  thought  had  never  entered  my 
heart  before.  I  knew  the  words  were  primarily  spoken  on 
particular  occasions  ;  but  the  Lord  had  led  me  to  believe  that 
his  word  was  written  to  every  soul,  so  far  as  they  were  willing 
to  receive  it  by  faith.  But,  from  the  above  conversation,  I  was 
unhinged.*  I  knew  not  what  to  choose,  or  what  to  refuse  :  so 
that  being  cast  into  reasonings,  I  lost  my  love  for  reading  the 
Scriptures,  and  sunk  into  a  very  cold  and  lifeless  state.  When 
I  was  twelve  years  old,  we  went  to  Bath  for  three  months. 
Here  I  met  with  many  dissipations,  and  had,  I  may  truly  say, 
no  enjoyment  of  religion  ;  only  when  in  the  midst  of  the  ball 
'room  I  used  to  think,  if  I  knew  where  to  find  the  Methodists, 
or  any  who  would  show  me  how  to  please  God,  I  would  tear 
off  all  my  fine  things,  and  run  through  the  fire  to  them  :  and 
sometimes  I  thought,  if  ever  I  am  my  own  mistress,  I  will 
spend  half  the  day  in  working  for  the  poor,  and  the  other 
half  in  prayer. 

When  I  was  about  thirteen,  the  things  of  God  began  to 
return  with  more  power  on  my  mind.  One  day  my  sister 
vfeiting  Mrs.  Lefevre,f  found  her  truly  awakened,  and  in  earnest 
to  save  her  soul.  She  told  me  this  news  with  great  delight ; 
for  as  our  parents  had  no  suspicion  of  her  being  a  Methodist, 
e  saw  the  Lord  had  opened  us  a  door  into  that  Christian 
rty  we  so  much  longed  after.  At  her  house  we  got  oppor- 
tunities of  conversation  with  religious  persons,  which  a  good 
deal  strengthened  our  hands,  though  we  often  said  to  each 
other^these  Methodists  do  not  quite  answer  our  expectations  ; 
though  our  time  is  short  with  them,  they  lose  much  of  it  before 
they  begin  to  converse  with  us  about  our  souls  :  the  Apostles 
would  not  have  done  so.  But  we  must  not  fonn  our  judgment 
by  the  rich ;  let  us  wait  till  we  get  acquainted  with  some  of  the 
poor  among  them  ;  perhaps  they  will  be  right  Methodists,  and 
more  like  the  first  Christians. 

Sometimes  that  p*>mise  was  brought  powerfully  to  my  mind, 
"  Whatsoever  ye  shall  ask,  believing,  ye  shall  receive  :"  then, 
thought  I,  I  may  ask  all  the  grace  I  "will ;  I  may  ask  power 
never  to  offend  my  God  again.  Faith  sprung  up  in  my  soul, 

*  Here  again  she  felt  the  want  of  Christian  fellowship. — ED. 
•  1  Well  known  in  the  Methodist  connection,  by  her  admirable 
many  years  ago, 


16  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  I. 

and  I  was  much  drawn  out  in  prayer  for  holiness  ;  till  one  day 
speaking  of  it  to  a  particular  person,  she  raised  many  objec- 
tions to  the  thought  of  all  sin  being  removed  from  the  heart. 
I  felt  it  as  if  cold  water  were  thrown  on  a  newly  kindled  fire, 
and  the  wings  of  my  faith  seemed  dipt.  Fearing  lest  I  was 
wrong,  I  prayed  the  Lord  to  answer  for  himself  by  his  word. 
So  taking  up  the  Bible,  with  much  prayer  I  opened  it,  and 
immediately  cast  my  eyes  on  these  word's,  "  Behold,  I  am  the 
Lord,  the  God  of  all  flesh  ;  is  any  thing  too  hard  for  me  ?"  It 
came  with  power ;  my  heart,  as  it  were,  leaped  for  joy  ;  and  I 
cried  out,  Now  I  will  wrestle,  and  I  shall  prevail. 

Toward  the  end  of  the  following  winter,  there  was  a  con- 
firmation at  St.  Paul's  ;  and  my  father  desired  I  should  be 
confirmed.  This  was  a  very  rousing  ordinance  to  me  :  for 
some  time  before  I  had  felt  how  unworthy  I  was  of  it ;  how 
unfit  thus  solemnly  to  devote  myself  to  God,  by  renewing  that 
covenant  I  had  so  often  broken.  I  read  the  order  of  confirma- 
tion, with  the  ministration  of  baptism,  over  and  over,  and 
besought  my  God  to  give  me  power  to  keep  the  charge  of  the 
Lord  faithfully.  For  some  months  after,  every  time  I  ap- 
proached the  Lord's  table,  I  had  a  very  peculiar  sense  of 
his  presence,  and  sometimes  I  felt  as  if  the  Lord  Jesus  did 
from  his  own  hand  give  me  the  sacred  emblems  of  his  body 
and  blood. 

But  the  next  year  my  mind  again  wandered  after  many  things, 
and  though  I  tasted,  now  and  then,  a  little  of  the  loving-kindness 
of  the  Lord,  yet  in  the  general  T  was  greatly  under  the  po' 
of  my  own  will.  Pride  and  perverseness  got  many  times 
upper  hand,  and  there  was  nothing  in  my  life  or  conversat 
which  could  adorn  the  Gospel ;  but  I  did  not  then  see  my  con- 
duct in  that  light.  While  our  love  is  small,  our  perceptions  irs 
spiritual  things  are  very  dark.  Alas  !  I  thought  I  walked  as  a 
Christian ;  but  now  that  I  see  so  much  more  of  the  holiness  of 
God,  I  also  discern  more  fully  the  depth  of  my  falk  and  am 
astonished  that  either  God  or  man  bore  with  me.  W||ile  the 
carnal  mind  retained  this  power,  I  do  not  Xttander  my  dear 
i  mother  should  not  love  me  as  the  rest  of  heSbhildren ;  for  I 
was  not  only  more  dull  and  indolent  in  every ' thing  I  had  to 
learn,  but  I  gave  way  to  an  insolent  and  disobedient  spirit  in 
such  a  degree  toward  the  whole  family,  thrit  the  recollection 
has  often  seemed  to  draw  -blood  from  my  heart.  How  per- 
fectly  do  I  feel  these  words  my  own,-—  ffc"* 


"  Sink  down,  my  soul,  sink  lower  atill, 
Lie  level  with  the  dust." 


But  the  Lord  did  not  forsake  me.  One  night  after  spending 
some  time  in  prayer,  I  cast  my  eyes  on  a  book  Mrs.  Lefevrs 
had  given  me,  and  read  these  words, 


PART  I.)  MRS.   FLETCHER.  J.7 

"  I'll  look  into  my  Saviour's  breast ; 
Away,  sad  doubt  and  anxious  care, 
Mercy  is  all  that 's  written  there. 

Jesus'  blood,  through  earth  and  skies, 
Mercy,  free  boundless  mercy,  cries.'' 

I  saw  as  it  were  the  Father  of  mercy  opening  hie  arms  to 
receive  me,  and  on  that  boundless  love  I  had  liberty  to  cast 
my  whole  soul.  "I  was  more  and  more  thankful  for  my  union 
with  Mrs.  Lefevre,  and  experienced  in  her  the  greatest  comfort 
of  my  life. 

About  this  season  my  ever  honoured  grandfather  and  grand- 
mother were  taken  from  us.  He  was  one  of  the  excellent  of 
the  earth :  his  life,  in  many  respects,  was  remarkable  and  sin- 
gular. In  his  last  illness  he  delighted  much  in  these  words, 
"  My  sheep  hear  my  voice  ;  I  know  them,  and  they  follow  me," 
&c.  He  was  aged  seventy^nine,  and  had  lived  with  my  grand- 
mother forty-five  years,  in  a  union  not  usually  to  be  met  with. 
He  was  a  pattern  in  many  respects  ;  plain  in  his  dress,  morti- 
fied in  his  food,  and  strictly  conscientious  in  all  his  expenses. 
When  many  dishes  were  on  his  table,  he  scarcely  ate  of  any 
thing  but  mutton,  and  that  for  many  years,  because  he  believed 
it  most  conducive  to  his  health.  His  love  and  charity  to  the 
poor  were  uncommon.  He  esteemed  it  a  reproach  to  any  man 
to  say  he  died  very  rich ;  adding,  it  is  too  plain  a  mark  he  has 
not  made  a  good  use  of  his  income. 

One  day  upon  the  Exchange,  a  gentleman  who  was  by  him 
said  to  another,  "  Sir  John,  I  give  you  joy ;  they  tell  me  you 
have  completed  your  hundred  thousand  pounds."  The  other 
replied,  "  I  hope  to  double  it  before  I  die."  My  grandfather 
turning  short,  said,  "  Then,  Sir  John,  you  are  not  worthy  of 
it."  Once  being  at  the  table  of  a  nobleman,  he  observed  the 
guests  drinking  to  excess,  and  conversing  in  a  very  unchristian 
manner.  At  h'rst  he  tried  to  turn  the  conversation ;  but  the 
torrent  being  too  strong,  he  rose  up,  and  leaning  over  the  back 
of  his  chair,  he'gave  them  a  solemn  reproof,  joined  to  an  affec- 
tionate warning,  and  then  left  the  company.  I  have  been  with 
him  in  his  chariot  when  he  has  suddenly  stopped  it  to  reprove 
profane  swearing  on  'the  road. 

My  grandmother  was  a  woman  of  an  uncommonly  sweet  tem- 
pe'r ;  and  having  acquired  a  good  deal  of  skill  in  physic,  she  so 
helped  the  poor,  that  they  looked  on  her  as  a  mother,  a  nurse, 
and  a  counsellor.  When  my  grandfather  had  been  dead  three 
months,  she  dreamed,  one  night,  he  came  to  her,  and  standing 
by  the  bedside,  said,  she  "  should  come  to  him  shortly,  till  then 
his  happiness  was  not  so  complete  as  it  would  be  ;"  and  added, 
"  study  the  Scriptures,  study  the  Scriptures,  in  them  ye  think 
ytt  have  eternal  life."  From  this  time  ehf  applied  to  them 
daily,  in  a  manner  superior  to  what  she  had  done  before ;  though 
2* 


18  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART   I. 

she  had  always  a  high  veneration  for  the  word  of  God.  About 
three  weeks  after,  she  said  to  us  one  day,  "  Air  that  room ;  I 
will  go  into  it,  that  I  may  die  in  the  bed  Mr.  Dunster  died  in." 
From  the  night  she  went  into  it,  she  came  out  no  more ;  for 
she  died  within  the  week.  As  she  did  not  appear  any  worse 
than  usual,  she  was  at  first  thought  to  be  in  no  danger.  She 
said  to  herself  two  or  three  times,  "  What  a  blessing  I  am 
dying  without  pain !  I  have  no  more  than  I  can  very  well 
bear!" 

From  this  time  we  began  to  get  rather  more  liberty,  and  one 
day,  as  my  sister  was  on  a  visit  at  Mrs.  Lefevre's,  Mr.  Ro- 
maine  came  in,  and  began"  to  speak 'of  the  sinfulness  of  attend- 
ing the  playhouse.  She  listened  with  great  earnestness  to  all 
he  said  ;  which  repeating  to  me  on  her  return,  it  was  as  a  nail 
i7i  a  sure  place,  and  I  began  to  cry  for  power  to  stand  to  the 
light  which  I  had  then  received. 

A  few  months  after  this  my  sister  married,  by  which  I  was 
left  alone.  I  must  observe,  to  this  time  my  parents  had  very 
little  suspicion  of  our  having  any  intercourse  with  the  Method- 
ists, but  thought,  (when  the  before-mentioned  servant  was  put 
away,  and  our  books  taken  from  us,)  that  our  religious  impres- 
sions had  worn  off.  I  now  saw  the  time  was  come,  when  I 
must  confess  Christ  before  men,  if  I  would  wish  him  to  con- 
fess me  before  his  Father  and  the  holy  angels.  I  consulted 
some  of  my  serious  friends  about  the  playhouse  ;  but  they  said, 
"  Were  you  older,  we  should  know  what  to  advise,  but  as  you 
are  but  sixteen,  if  your  parents  insist  on  your  going,  we  do  not 
see  how  you  can  avoid  it."  This  answer  did  not  fully  satisfy 
me  ;  and  I  was  much  distressed  both  ways.  I  saw  the  duty  I 
owed  to  an  absolute  command  from  my  parents  in  a  very  strong 
light ;  and,  on  the  other  hand,  I  remembered  that  my  obedi- 
ence to  them  was  to  be  in  the  Lord.  I  sought  direction  in 
prayer,  and  endeavoured  to  examine  the  question  on  both  sides : 
but  the  more  I  searched,  the  clearer  it  appeared  to  me  I  must 
not  comply.  I  considered  the  playhouse  had  a  tendency  to 
weaken  every  Christian  temper,  and  to  strengthen  all  that  was 
contrary ;  to  represent  vice  under  the  false  colour  of  virtue, 
and  to  lead  in  every  respect  into  the  spirit  of  the  world,  of 
which  the  Apostle  declares,  The  friendship  of  this  world  is 
enmity  with  God.  When  the  time  came,  and  my  obedient 
compliance  was  required,  I  begged  to  be  left  at  home.  On  a 
refusal,  I  laid  open  my  whole  heart  to  my  father ;  apprizing 
him,  T  would  not  willingly  be  disobedient  in  any  thing,  unless 
where  conscience  made  it  appear  to  be  my  duty.  We  con- 
versed on  the  subject  with  great  freedom  ;  for  my  dear  father 
was  a  man  of  deep  reason,  calmness,  and  condescension.  He 
replied,  "  Child,  your  arguments  prove  too  much ;  and  there- 
fore are  not  conclusive.  If  what  you  say  be  true,  then  all 


PART  I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  19 

places  of  diversion,  all  dress  and  company,  nay,  all  agreeable 
liveliness,  and  the  whole  spirit  of  the  world,  is  sinful."  I  em- 
braced the  opportunity  and  said,  "  Sir,  /  see  it  as  such,  and 
therefore  am  determined  no  more  to  be  conformed  to  its  cus- 
toms, fashions,  or  maxims."  This  was  a  season  of  great  trial, 
but  the  Lord  stood  by  me  :  glory  be  t«  his  holy  name  ! 

I  daily  discerned  a  great  difference  between  my  manner  of 
life,  and  that  which  the  Bible  described  as  the  life  of  a  Chris- 
tian. I  had  often  strong  desires  to-  be  wholly  given  to  the 
Lord.  Much  opposition  I  met  with  for  having  declared  my 
sentiments ;  and  what  was  very  cutting  to  me,  I  was  often 
debarred  from  the  pleasure  of  seeing  my  friend,  Mrs.  JLefevre. 
This  was  the  consequence  I  much  feared,  if  I  should  openly 
declare  my  mind ;  but  I  was  thoroughly  convinced,  if  I  loved 
my  friend  more  than  God's  law,  I  should  never  know  the  power 
of  true  religion.  It  is  my  natural  temper  to  be  very  anxious 
about  those  I  love,  and  to  fix  too  much  of  my  confidence  in 
them.  This  was  the  case  with  respect  to  Mrs.  Lefevre.  I  saw 
and  lamented  it,  beseeching  the  Lord  to  take  away  all  idolatry 
out  of  my  affections,  and  give  me  to  love  her  as  I  ought. 

I  dreamed  one  night  I  was  in  a  church,  and  saw  written  on 
the  wall,  in  letters  of  gold,  these  words :  Thou  shalt  have  no 
other  gods  but  me.  While  I  was  looking  on  it,  I  saw  the 
name  of  Mrs.  Lefevre  wrote  under  it.  I  was  surprised,  and 
presently  beheld  the  following  line,  If  this  is  your  god,  then 
what  am  1 1  I  awakened  with  a  deep  conviction  that  I  had 
placed  too  much  confidence  on  an  arm  of  flesh.  I  knew  it  was 
the  voice  of  God  by  this  mark, — a  great  sweetness  accom- 
panied the  reproof.  This  was  the  method  the  Lord  has  always 
used  toward  me ;  he  held  me  up  with  one  hand,  while  he  smote 
me  with  the  other. 

In  the  month  of  June,  1756, 1  spent  a  day  with  Mrs.  Lefevre. 
It  was  a  profitable  time  :  I  found  my  heart  very  open,  and  told 
her,  I  believed  I  could  give  up  even  her  to  the  will  of  God.  She 
replied,  "  Nothing  you  could  have  said  would  have  given  me 
more  satisfaction.  For  a  long  time  I  have  thought  the  thread 
of  my  life  was  nearly  spun  out.  I  have  no  clo^upon  my  chariot 
wheels ;  but  my  greatest  pain  was  for  you,  who  have  already  so 
many  trials  surrounding  you,"  This  was  her  last  address  ;  for 
three  days  after  I  received  a  message,  that  she  was  seized  with 
a  sudden  illness,  and  in  great  danger.  My  mother  kindly  per- 
mitted me  to  visit  her ;  but  I  found  her  on  the  borders  of  eter- 
nity, into  which,  after  expressing  with  great  difficulty,  "  1  have 
comforts  indeed  !"  her  happy  spirit  took  its  flight.  As  my  time 
was  limited,  I  had  returned  home  when  I  received  the  news  of 
her  death.  I  went  into  a  grove  that  was  in  our  garden,  to  pour 
out  my  soul  before  the  Lord.  But  what  may  seem  strange,  I 
ttas  not  permitted  to  feel  at  that  time  much  pain,  for  the  Lord 


20  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  I. 

met  me  with  these  words,  which  sprang  up  as  living  water  iu 
my  soul, 

"  My  star  by  night,  my  sun  by  day, 
My  spring  of  life,  when  parch'd  with  drought ; 
My  wine  to  cheer,  my  bread  to  stay, 
"My  strength,  my  shield,  my  safe  abode, 
My  robe  berorethe  throne  of  God." 

I  felt  the  Lord  Jesus  did  answer  all  these  characters  to  my  soul, 
and  by  faith  I  beheld  him  as  my  robe  before  the  throne  of  God. 
When  I  was  about  seventeen  years  of  age,  my  father  and 
two  brothers  (younger  than  I)  were  going  with  some  other 
company  to  see  the  Royal  George,  which  was  sixteen  miles 
from  the  shore  from  whence  we  set  out :  my  father  desired 
me  to  accompany  them.  I  knew  not  what  to  do,  but  at 
length  believed  I  ought  to  obey.  Indeed  I  thought  I  should 
have  no  farther  cross  than  the  going  to  the  ship,  and  returning 
in  the  afternoon.  But  we  had  not  been  long  in  the  vessel, 
before  some  of  the  company  began  to  ridicule  my  overmuch 
religion.  When  we  drew  near  the  Royal  George,  the  men 
said,  we  must  not  attempt  to  go  round  her,  for  she  was  deep 
and  very  dangerous ;  but  the  gentlemen  insisted  they  should 
row  round  the  ship.  While  this  was  doing,  we  were  in  great 
danger,  and  the  ladies,  exceedingly  alarmed,  began  to  cry  out. 
Some  of  them  said,  "  Miss  Bosanquet  why  are  you  so  calm?" 
I  told  them  I  saw  the  danger,  but  our  business  was  to  trust  in 
God ;  I  was  quite  ready  either  to  sink  or  to  be  saved.  My 
confidence  in  the  Lord  kept  me  secure  in  his  providence.  I 
had  now  an  opportunity  to  speak,  and  they  were  ready  to  hear. 
When  we  got  into  the  ship,  it  seemed  like  a  town ;  such  a 
vast  variety  of  places  like  shops,  were  all  around.  We  were 
met  by  Captain  Burnet,  who  led  us  into  a  grand  room ;  the 
place  designed  for  us  was  pointed  out  by  a  lady  that  attended 
us.  Captain  Burnet  proposed  a  dance,  and  after  that  a  cold 
collation.  Now  I  felt  indeed.  Several  of  the  company  fell 
upon  me,  with,  "  Now,  Miss  Bosanquet,  what  will  you  do  now  ? 
You  must  dance ;  you  cannot  run  away."  Knowing  my  help 
must  come  from  above,  I  lifted  up  my  heart  to  the  Lord,  and 
cried  to  him  for  help.  Presently  a  messenger  in  haste  called 
for  Captain  Burnet.  He  ran  d'own,  but  soon  returned,  with 
great  disappointment  in  his  countenance,  saying,  "  O  what 
shall  we  do  1  The  Prince  of  Wales  and  Admiral  Ahson  are 
coming  on  board."  Never  was  any  thing  more  welcome  to 
me  than  this  hurry  of  preparing  for  the  prince — our  present 
king,  one  year  older  than  I.  My  heart  praised  the  Lord  for 
this  timely  interposition.  The  cannon  put  aside  the  dance, 
and  we  at  length  talked  of  returning.  We  were  let  down  into 
our  little  vessel,  and  I  was  truly  thankful  to  be  on  the  way 
home.  But  another  trial  soon  occurred.  Some  of  the  com- 


?ART  I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  21 

pany  proposed  going  to  Vauxhall ;  this  I  refused.  "  Then," 
said  they,  "you  must  stay  in  the  vessel  with  the  men."  I 
knew  not  what  to  do.  As  we  drew  near  the  part  where  our 
coaches  were  waiting  for  us,  a  strange  disagreement  took 
place  between  two  of  the.  gentlemen ;  one  of  them,  my  brother, 
rose  up,  and  bid  the  man  draw  near  to  the  steps ;  he  got  out, 
and  I  followed  him.  The  rest  went  on  to  Vauxhall.  I  was 
truly  thankful  when  we  got  into  the  coach.  This  was  the 
last  attempt  of  this  kind. 

But  this  peaceful  frame  did  not  last  long.  Some  snares 
were  presented  before  me,  which  dissipated  my  mind,  and 
cooled  the  fervour  of  my  affections.  In  this  spirit  I  went  to 
London  in  the  winter.  I  was  now  about  eighteen.  As  I  had 
not  yet  had  a  clear  conviction  to  throw  aside  dress,  while  in 
my  father's  house  I  continued  in  my  appearance  like  the  com- 
pany I  conversed  with,  only  I  did  not  go  with  them  to  public 
diversions ;  and  this  winter  I  began  to  gain  favour  in  their 
eyea,  and  felt  myself  in  great  danger  of  being  carried  down  the 
stream.  But  the  thought  alarmed  my  soul,  and  caused  me  to 
look  about  for  help.  I  cried  to  the  Lord  to  bring  me  acquainted 
with  some  of  the  excellent  of  the  earth,  that  I  might  learn  to 
walk  in  the  narrow  way  which  leads  to  life  and  glory,  and  into 
which  I  saw  I  was  scarcely  entered.  One  day  I  heard  a  con- 
versation  concerning  an  extraordinary  work  among  the  Method- 
ists,— that  some  of  them  spoke  of  such  a  change  being  wrought 
on  their  will  and  affections,  that  they  found  that  word  to  be 
accomplished,  "  Old  things  are  passed  away,  and  all  things  are 
become  new."  The  remembrance  of  that  text,  "  Is  any  thing 
too  hard  for  me?"  came  with  fresh  power  to  my  soul;  and 
some  encouraging  promises  sprang  up  in  my  mind,  and  made 
me  persevere  in  prayer.  I  told  my  serious  friends,  (who  were 
not  joined  to  the  Methodists,)  if  they  could  procure  me  an 
hour's  conversation  with  one  of  those  pious  women,  I  should 
esteem  it  a  great  favour ;  for  I  longed  to  see  any  one  who 
would  tell  me  of  a  deeper  religion  than  I  had  known.  I  saw 
myself  surrounded  with  sncres,  and  often  thought  with  tears 
on  those  words, 

"Sec  where  o'er  desert  wastes  I  err, 
And  neither  food  nor  feeder  have, 
Nor  fold,  nor  place  of  refuge  n 
While  no  man  cares  my  soul  to  save.'1 

At  this  time  I  became  acquainted  with  a  gentleman  in  some 
sense  religious,  though  I  fear  not  deeply  so.  He  profesaeo 
much  affection  for  me,  and  my  religious  /riends  advised  me  to 
think  of  him,  as  it  was  likely  to  be  very  acceptable  to  my 
parents,  and  would  open  a  door  to  more  religious  liberty.  But 
I  cannot  say  he  was  agreeable  to  me.  Neither  my  under- 
standing nor  affectidn  could  approve  the  proposal ;  yet  I  waa 


82  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  I, 

hurt  by  unprofitable  reasonings.  Sometimes  I  thought  it  migh' 
be  of  the  Lord ;  at  others,  I  could  not  see  into  it  at  all.  While 
thus  perplexed,  I  received  a  message  from  Miss  Furley,  (now 
Mrs.  Downes,)  that  on  such  a  day  Mrs.  Crosby  would  be  at 
her  house.  I  went  to  meet  her  in  .the  spirit  of  prayer  and 
expectation.  She  simply  related  what  God  had  done  for  he* 
aoul.  The  words  she  spoke  were  clothed  with  power,  and  my 
convictions  of  the  necessity  of  holiness  were  much  increased. 
The  affair  of  the  gentleman  was  obliterated  from  my  mind ; 
and  the  prospect  of  a  life  wholly  devoted  to  God  drank  up  every 
other  consideration.  In  a  few  hours  I  returned  home  to  our 
country  house  on  Epping  Forest ;  but  such  a  sweet  sense  of 
God,  the  greatness  of  his  love,  and  willingness  to  save  to  the 
uttermost,  remained  on  my  mind,  that  if  I  but  thought  on  the 
word  holiness,  or  of  the  adorable  name  of  Jesus,  my  heart 
seemed  to  take  fire  in  an  instant ;  and  my  desires  were  more 
intensely  fixed  on  God  than  ever  I  had  found  them  before. 

A  few  days  after  1  wrote  to  Mrs.  Crosby.  The  following  is 
an  extract : — 

Forest  House,  May  17,  1757. 

"  The  Lord  hath  indeed  been  merciful  above  all  I  can  ask  or 
think.  I  am  more  drawn  to  prayer.  I  find  a  more  earnest 
pursuit  of  holiness  than  ever ;  but  what  most  stirs  me  up  is,  I 
seem  to  hear  the  Lord  calling  to  me  in  these  words,  '  Depart 
ye,  depart  ye,  go  ye  out  hence,  touch  not  the  unclean  thing ; 
be  clean,  ye  that  bear  the  vessels  of  the  Lord*.'  " 

I  now  saw  the  path  in  which  I  ought  to  walk.  I  determined 
not  to  think  about  a  married  life,  for  my  present  light  was  to 
abide  single.  But  the  Lord  seemed  to  call  me  to  more  activ- 
ity, insomuch  that  I  cried  out,  "  Lord,  what  wilt  thou  have 
me  to  do  ?"  I  would  be  given  up,  both  soul  and  body,  to  serve 
the  members  of  Christ.  My  firm  resolution  was  to  be  wholly 
given  up  to  the  church  in  any  way  that  he  pleased.  I  desired 
not  to  be  idle,  but  employed  as  those  described  by  St.  Paul  to 
Timothy,  "  If  she  have  brought  up  children,  if  she  have  lodged 
strangers,  if  she  have  washed  the  saints'  feet,  and  diligently 
followed  after  every  good  work."  I  can  hardly  express  with 
what  power  these  words  would  come  to  my  mind.  It  seemed 
to  me  the  Lord  had  planned  out  all  my  way ;  and  I  only  wished 
so  to  walk. 

The  end  of  this  summer  brought  me  a  great  trial.  My  pa- 
rents were  going  to  Scarborough.  My  mother  offered  to  take 
me  with  them,  if  I  would  do  as  they  did,  and  not  bring  a 
reproach  on  them  in,a  strange  place.  This  seemed  a  reason- 
able request ;  but  I  could  not  comply,  for  the  spirit  of  the  world 
was  as  contrary  to  that  of  Christ  in  Scarborough  as  in  London. 
1  requested  to  be  left  with  my  sister ;  but  it  was  appointed  for 
me  to  spend  most  of  my  time  at  an  uncle's  in  London.  They 


I 


?ART  I.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  23 

were  exceedingly  kind,  and  let  me  have  much  liberty.  I  had 
never  before  had  the  opportunity  of  a  constant  attendance  on 
the  means  of  grace  ;  and  I  greatly  feared  abusing  this  talent. 
One  of  my  acquaintance,  being  imprudent,  pressed  me  never 
to  be  absent  from  any  meeting,  or  preaching.  By  this  means 
I  am  sensible  I  went  too  far.  I  walked  about  more  than  my 
strength  could  bear,  having  been  scarce  ever  permitted  to  go 
out  of  our  own  grounds  but  in  a  carriage.  But  above  all,  I  am 
pained  when  I  think  how  little  of  Christian  prudence  appeared 
in  my  conduct.  The  kind  family  in  which  I  was  received  could 
not  but  blame  and  condemn  a  conduct  which,  though  the  mo- 
tive was  upright,  was  in  itself  sometimes  wrong. 

During  this  season  I  cultivated  an  acquaintance  for  which  I 
trust  I  shall  for  ever  praise  the  Lord.  It  was  with  Mrs.  Sarah 
Ryan,  who  (with  a  pious  woman  named  Mary  Clark)  lived  in 
a  little  house  in  Christopher-alley,  Moorfields.  They  both  pos- 
sessed the  spirit  of  the  primitive  church  in  an  eminent  degree. 
A  few  of  the  most  lively  souls  in  the  London  society  were  fre- 
quently gathered'there.  The  more  I  saw  of  that  family,  the 
more  I  was  convinced  Christ  had  yet  a  pure  church  below ; 
and  often,  while  in  their  company,  I  thought  myself  with  the 
hundred  and  twenty  that  waited  to  be  baptized  by  the  Holy 
Spirit.  It  was  at  Mrs.  Ryan's  house  that  Mrs.  Crosby  board- 
ed ;  and  whenever  I  was  from  home,  this  was  the  place  of  my 
residence,  and  truly  I  found  it  to  be  a  little  Bethel. 

The  more  I  conversed  with  Mrs.  Ryan,  the  more  I  discover- 
ed of  the  glory  of  God  breaking  forth  from  within,  and  felt  a 
strong  attraction  to  consider  her  as  the  friend  of  my  soul.  I 
told  her  the  past  sins,  follies,  and  mercies  of  my  life,  and  re- 
ceived a  similar  account  from  her. 

The  time  now  drew  nigh  for  my  parents'  return,  and  I  went 
home  to  receive  them.  While  in  London,  I  had  used  more 
exercise  than  my  constitution  could  bear.  My  mother  was 
much  surprised  when  she  saw  me  appear  so  ill,  and  laid  it  all 
to  my  religion.  A  fever  came  on  rapidly,  and  I  was  ordered 
to  go  to  bed ;  but  I  could  scarcely  keep  on  my  feet  while  I 
ascended  the  stairs.  When  I  was  laid  in  bed,  1/ow  shall  I  de- 
scribe the  posture  of  my  mind  1  Distracted  by  the  fever ;  torn 
by  fears  and  temptations  ;  and  deprived  of  those  friends,  who 
at  this  time  could  have  understood  and  comforted  me  !  The 
loss  of  Mrs.  Lefevre  now  also  returned  on  m/  mind  with  great 
pain.  My  dear  parents  were  not  aware  ofjhe  nature  of  my 
illness,  which  was,  as  the  apothecary  afterward  told  them,  a 
strong  nervous  fever.  They  thought  it  all  arose  from  some 
trouble  of  mind  I  would  not  own,  and  told  me  one  day,  if  I  did 
not  rouse  myself  out  of  that  low  state,  my  head  should  be  blis- 
tered, and  I  should  be  shut  up  in  a  dark  room.  My  father  being 
present,  I  said,  "  Will  you  put  me  in  a  mad  house,  papa?"  he 


24  THE   LIFE   OF  fSART  I. 


said,  "No;  but  you  must  be  shut  up  at  home,  if  you  do  not 
strive  against  this  lowness.  The  doctor  says  you  have  no  pulse 
at  all ;  he  never  saw  a  patient  so  low."  My  mind  became 
greatly  depressed ;  I  could  find  no  comfort  of  any  kind,  either 
from  God  or  outward  things. 

But  the  Lord  graciously  helped  me  in  an  extraordinary  way. 
As  I  lay  reflecting  on  my  situation,  and  weeping  before  him 
on  account  of  the  darkness  of  my  mind,  I  discerned  an  unusual 
brightness,  (yet  not  dazzling,)  and  a  voice  came  so  powerfully, 
that  I  can  only  say,  I  heard  and  felt  it  with  every  faculty  of 
soul  and  body, — Thou  shalt  walk  with  me  in  white !  An  an- 
swer seemed  to  come  from  my  heart,  independent  of  myself,* 
".Lord,  how  can  that  be,  seeing  I  am  not  worthy  ?"  It  was 
spoken  to  me  again,  Thou  shalt  walk  with  me  in  white ;  I 
will  make  thee  worthy.  This  was  followed  by  those  words, 
I  will  thoroughly  purge  away  thy  'dross,  and  take  away  alt 
thy  tin!  and 

11  Glory  is  on  earth  begun,  • 

Everlasting  life  is  won." 

To  this  day  I  have  the  most  lively  remembrance  of  that 
manifestation ;  and  in  the  darkest  moments  I  have  since  passed 
through,  I  could  never  doubt  its  being  the  voice  of  the  Lord. 
My  illness  was  long,  and  attended  with  many  trials.  Before 
my  recovery,  Mrs.  Ryan  was  removed  from  London  to  Bristol, 
to  be  housekeeper  at  the  room  there ;  and  much  did  I  pray  the 
Lord  that  we  should  be  brought  together  again. 
;  I  was  now  about  nineteen  years  of  age,  and  soon  after,  my 
parents  having  an  intention  to  go  to  Bath  for  a  season,  pro- 
posed that  I  should  spend  that  time  at  Bristol,  as  I  was  now 
thought  to  be  consumptive.  I  gladly  embraced  the  offer,  as  a 
merciful  providence.  I  accordingly  went  to  Bristol,  where  1 
remained  seven  weeks.  Mrs.  Downes  (late  Miss  Furley)  show- 
ed me  much  kindness.  Indeed  I  was  in  some  sense  committed 
to  her  care  b?  my  parents,  who  had  for  years  been  acquainted 
with  her  famuV.  I  spent  much  of  my  time  with  Mrs.  Ryan  and 
.Mrs.  Clark,  ai.d  I  trust  in  some  degree  partook  of  their  spirit. 
After  my  return  home,  I  clearly  discovered  that  I  still  con- 
formed too  muc.i  in  my  appearance  to  the  spirit  and  fashions 
of  the  world ;  butl  plainly  saw  a  renunciation  of  that  conformity 
would  give  my  relations  great  offence.  I  loved  my  parents, 
and  feared  to  disoblige  them.  I  sought  for  arguments  to  quench 
that  little  spark  of  light  which  was  kindling  in  my  soul,  con- 
scious they  could  not  see  in  my  light,  and  knowing  that  obedi- 
euce  to  parents  was  one  of  the  first  duties.  I  did  so  far  quench 

*  Who  can  account  for  this  whole  manifestation  on  common  principles  ?  Te: 
what  pious  mind  will  not  conclude,  it  wag  help  from  the  Lord  in  the  time  c/ 
n«ecf7— ED. 


PART  I.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  25 

it,  that  I  put  on  again  many  of  the  things  I  had  thrown  off. 
My  acquaintance  took  much  notice  of  me,  and  I  was  so  afraid 
of  losing  their  good  opinion,  that  I  had  no  power  to  reprove 
sin,  or  even  to  refrain  from  joining  in  light  or  trifling  conver- 
sation when  in  company.  But  I  soon  discerned  the  danger 
consequent  on  their  approval,  and  therefore  determined  to 
weigh  well  what  was  most  likely  to  please  God,  and  by  that 
to  abide. 

I  prayed  for  direction,  and  saw  clearly  that  plainness  of  dress 
and  behaviour  best  became  a  Christian,  and  that  for  the  follow- 
ing reasons : — 

First.  The  Apostle  expressly  forbids  women  professing 
godliness,  to  let  their  adorning  be  in  apparel ;  allowing  them 
no  other  ornament  than  that  of  a  meek  and  quiet  spirit. 

Secondly.  I  saw  the  reasonableness  of  the  command,  and 
proved  it  good  for  a  proud  heart  to  wear  the  plain  and  modest 
livery  of  God's  children.  , 

Thirdly.  It  tended  to  open  my  mouth ;  for  when  I  appear- 
ed like  the  world,  in  Babylonish  garments,  I  had  its  esteem, 
and  knew  not  how  to  part  with  it.  But  when  I  showed,  by  my 
appearance,  that  I  considered  myself  as  a  stranger  and  foreign- 
er, none  can  know  (but  by  trying)  what  an  influence  it  has  on 
our  whole  conduct,  and  what  a  fence  it  is,  to  keep  us  from 
sinking  into  the  spirit  of  the  world.  For  there  is  no  medium  : 
they  who  are  conformed  to  the  fashions,  customs,  and  maxims 
of  the  world,  must  embrace  the  spirit  also,  and  they  shall  find 
the  esteem  they  seek ;  for  the  world  will  love  its  own.  But 
let  them  remember  also  that  word,  The  friendship  of  this 
world  is  enmity  with  God. 

Fourthly.  I  saw  myself  as  a  steward,  who  must  render  an 
account  for  every  talent,  and  that  it  was  my  privilege  to  have 
the  smiles  of  God  on  every  moment  of  my  time,  or  penny  of 
money  which  f  laid  out. 

Fifthly.  I  saw  clearly  that  the  helping  my  fellow  creatures 
in  their  need,  was  both  more  rational,  and  more  pleasant,  than 
spending  my  substance  on  superfluities ;  and  as  I  am  com- 
manded to  love  my  neighbour  as  myself,  and  to  consider  all 
done  to  the  household  of  faith  as  done  to  Christ,  surely  I  ought 
not  only  to  suffer  my  superfluity  to  give  way  to  their  necessity, 
but  also  (as  occasion  may  require)  my  necessities  to  their  ex- 
tremities. 

Sixthly.  But  it  is  not  only  the  talent  of  money,  but  of  time, 
which  is  thrown  away  by  conformity  to  the  world,  entangling 
us  in  a  thousand  little  engagements,  which  a  drees  entirely 
plain  cuts  through  at  once. 

Seventhly.  The  end  usually  proposed  by  young  persons  in 
their  dress,  is  such  as  a  devout  soul  would  abominate.  A  hea- 
then may  say,  It  will  promote  my  being  comfortably  settled  ir. 
3 


26  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART   I. 

life ;  but  I  believe  the  Lord  appoints  the  bounds  of  our  habita- 
tion, and  that  no  good  thing  shall  be  withheld  from  those 
who  walk  uprightly.  I  have  therefore  nothing  to  do,  but  to 
commend  myself  to  God,  in  holy  obedience,  and  to  leave  every 
step  of  my  life  to  be  guided  by  his  will.  I  will  therefore  make 
it  my  rule  to  be  clean  and  neat,  but  in  the  plainest  things, 
according  to  my  station ;  and  whenever  I  thought  on  the  subject, 
these  words  would  pass  through  my  mind  with  power,  For  so 
the  holy  women  of  old  adorned  themselves. 

As  soon  as  I  saw  my  way  clearly,  I  ventured  to  open  my 
mind  to  my  father  concerning  dress,  as  I  had  done  before  with 
regard  to  public  places ;  entreating  him  to  bear  with  me,  while 
I  endeavoured  to  show  him  my  reasons  for  refusing  to  be  con- 
formed  to  the  customs,  fashions,  and  maxims  of  the  world.  He 
heard  me  with  great  patience ;  and  as  I  loved  him  tenderly,  it 
came  very  near  me  to  oppose  him.  My  trials  increased  daily. 
I  was  perplexed  to  know  how  far  to  conform,  and  how  far  to 
resist.  I  feared,  on  the  one  hand,  disobedience  to  my  parents, 
and  on  the  other,  disobedience  to  God. 

My  dear  mother  had  sometimes  expressed  a  belief,  that  it 
would  be  better  for  the  family  if  I  were  removed  from  it,  lest 
my  brothers,  who  were  younger  than  I,  should  be  infected  by 
my  sentiments  and  example.  Yet  she  did  not  see  it  clear  to 
bid  me  go ;  but  rather  wished  me  to  depart  of  my  own  accord. 
The  furnace  now  became  hot ;  but  I  did  not  dare  to  come  out 
without  the  Lord.  Indeed,  could  there  have  been  any  amica- 
ble agreement  between  us,  and  that  I  had  my  parents'  leave  to 
live  elsewhere,  I  would  gladly  have  accepted  it.  I  even  made 
some  distant  proposals  of  this  kind,  but  they  never  saw  it  good 
to  concur.  Providence  thus  overruled  my  desire  for  wise  ends  : 
and  to  run  away  from  my  father's  house,  I  could  not  think  of. 
I  was  twenty-one  years  of  age,  and  had  a  small  fortune  of  my 
own.  I  saw  myself  on  the  verge  of  a  material  change,  and  it 
was  easy  to  discern  that  my  father's  house  would  not  long  be 
a  refuge  for  me  ;  but  in  what  manner  I  should  be  removed,  or 
what  trials  I  might  yet  have  to  go  through,  I  could  not  tell. 
The  continual  language  of  my  heart  was,  /  am  oppressed. 
Lord,  undertake  thou  for  -me. 

One  day  my  father  said  to  me :  "  There  is  a  particular  pro- 
mise which  I  require  of  you ;  that  is,  that  you  will  never,  on 
any  occasion,  either  now,  or  hereafter,  attempt  to  make  your 
brothers  what  you  call  a  Christian."  I  answered,  (looking  to 
the  Lord,)  "  I  think,  sir,  I  dare  not  consent  to  that."  He 
replied,  '  Then  you  force  rne  to  put  you  out  of  my  house."  I 
answered,  "Yes,  sir,  according  to  your  views  of  things,  I 
acknowledge  it ;  and,  if  I  may  hut  have  your  approval,  no  situa- 
tion will  be  disagreeable."  He  replied,  "  There  are  many 
•things  in  your  present  situation  which  must  be,  I  should  think , 


PART  I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  27 

c 

very  uncomfortable."  This  I  acknowledged,  and  added,  that, 
if  he  would  but  say  he  approved  of  my  removal,  I  would  take 
a  lodging  which  I  had  heard  of  at  Mrs.  Gold's,  in  Hoxton 
Square;  but  that  no  suffering  could  incline  me  to  leave  him, 
except  by  his  free  consent.  He  replied  with  some  emotion, 
"  I  do  not  know  that  you  ever  disobliged  me  wilfully  in  your 
iife,  but  only  in  these  fancies ;  and  my  children  shall  always 
have  a  home  in  my  house."  As  I  could  not  but  discern  a  sepa- 
ration would  take  place,  (though  I  knew  not  how  nor  when,) 
I  judged  it  most  prudent  to  take  the  lodgings,  that  in  case  I 
should  be  suddenly  removed,  I  might  have  a  home  to  go  to  ; 
which  I  preferred  to  the  going  into  any  friend's  house  as  a 
visiter.  I  also  hired  a  sober  girl,  to  be  ready  whenever  I  might 
want  her.  I  informed  my  mother,  a  short  time  after,  of  the 
steps  I  had  taken.  She  gave  me  two  beds,  one  for  myself,  and 
a  little  one  for  my  maid  ;  and  appeared  to  converse  on  it  in  a 
way  of  approval.  Something,  however,  seemed  to  hold  us,  on 
both  sides,  from  bringing  it  to  the  point. 

For  the  next  two  months  I  suffered  much ;  my  mind  was 
exercised  with  many  tender  and  painful  feelings.  One  day  my 
mother  sent  me  word,  "  I  must  go  home  to  my  lodgings  that 
night."  I  went  down  to  dinner,  but  they  said  nothing  on  the 
subject ;  and  I  could  not  begin  it.  The  next  day,  as  I  was  sit- 
ting in  my  room,  I  received  again  the  same  message.  During 
dinner,  however,  nothing  was  spoken  on  the  subject.  When  it 
was  over,  I  knew  not  what  to  do.  I  was  much  distressed.  1 
thought,  if  they  go  without  saying  any  thing  to  me,  I  cannot 
go ;  and  if  they  should  not  invite  me  to  come  and  see  them 
again,  how  shall  I  bear  it  ?  My  mind  was  pressed  down  with 
sorrow  by  this  suspense.  Just  aa  they  were  going  out,  my 
mother  said,  "  If  you  will,  the  coach,  when  it  has  set  us  down, 
may  carry  you  home  to  your  lodging."  My  father  added,  "  And 
we  shall  be  glad  to  see  you  to  dinner  next  Tuesday."  This 
was  some  relief.  I  remained  silent.  When  the  coach  return- 
ed, I  ordered  my  trunk  into  it ;  and  struggling  with  myself, 
took  a  kind  of  leave  of  each  of  the  servants,  as  they  stood  in 
a  row  in  tears,  in  my  way  out  of  the  house.  About  eight  o'clock 
I  reached  my  lodging. 

It  consisted  of  two  rooms,  as  yet  unfurnished.  I  had  neither 
candle  nor  any  convenience.  The  people  of  the  house  I  had 
never  seen  before,  only  I  knew  them  by  character  to  be  sober 
persons.  I  borrowed  a  table  and  a  candlestick,  and  the  win- 
dow seat  served  me  as  a  chair.  When  bolting  the  door,  I 
began  to,  muse  on  my  present  situation. 

I  am,  said  I,  but  young — only  entered  into  my  twenty-second 
year.  I  am  cast  out  of  my  father's  house.  /  know  Ae  heart 
of  a  stranger ;  but,  alas  !  how  much  more  of  it  may  I  v  "*  have 
to  prove  1  I  cried  unto  the  Lord,  and  found  a  sweet  calm  over- 


28  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  I. 

spread  my  spirit.  I  could  in  a  measure  act  faith  on  these 
words :  "  When  thy  father  and  thy  mother  forsake  thee,  the 
Lord  shall  take  thee  up."  The  following  reflections  also  arose 
in  my  mind :  I  am  now  exposed  to  the  world,  and  know  not 
what  snares  may  be  gathering  around  me.  I  have  a  weak 
understanding,  and  but  little  grace.  Therefore,  now,  before  any 
snare  has  entangled  me,  I  shall  form  a  plan  for  my  future  con- 
duct, and  endeavour  to' walk  thereby.  First,  I  will  not  receive 
visits  from  single  men,  and  in  order  to  evade  the  trial  more 
easily,  I  will  not  get  acquainted  with  any ;  I  will,  as  much  as 
possible,  refrain  from  going  into  any  company  where  they  are. 
Secondly,  I  will  endeavour  to  lay  out  my  time  by  rule,  that  I 
may  know  each  hour  what  is  to  be  done  :  nevertheless,  I  will 
cheerfully  submit  to  have  these  rules  broken  or  overturned, 
whenever  the  providence  of  God  thinks  fit  to  do  so.  And  third- 
ly, I  will  endeavour  to  fix  my  mind  on  the  example  of  Jesus 
Christ,  and  to  lead  a  mortified  life ;  remembering,  "  He  came 
not  to  be  ministered  unto,  but  to  minister." 

The  prejudices  of  education  are  strong,  especially  in  those 
persons  who  have  been  brought  up  rather  in  high  life.  The 
being  removed  from  a  parent's  habitation  seemed  very  awful. 
I  looked  on  myself  as  being  liable  to  a  deep  reproach,  and 
trembled  at  the  thought.  But  I  remembered  that  word,  "  He 
that  loveth  father  or  mother  more  than  me,  is  not  worthy  of 
me." 

My  maid  being  now  come,  and  having  lighted  a  fire  in  the 
other  room,  and  borrowed  a  few  things  of  the  family,  she  beg- 
ged me  to  come  into  it,  as  the  night  was  very  cold.  And  now 
my  captivity  seemed  turning  every  moment.  That  thought,  I 
am  brought  out  of  the  world ;  I  have  nothing  to  do  but  to  be 
holy,  both  in  body  and  spirit,  filled  me  with  consolation. 
Thankfulness  overflowed  my  heart ;  and  such  a  spirit  of  peace 
and  content  poured  into  my  soul,  that  all  about  me  seemed  a 
little  heaven. 

Some  bread,  with  rank  salt  butter,  and  water  to  drink,  made 
me  so  comfortable  a  meal,  that  I  could  truly  say,  I  ate  my  meat 
with  gladness  and  singleness  of  heart.  As  the  bed  was  not 
put  up,  I  laid  that  night  almost  on  the  ground,  and  the  windows 
having  no  shutters,  and  it  being  a  bright  moonlight  night,  the 
sweet  solemnity  thereof  well  agreed  with  the  tranquillity  of  my 
spirit.  I  had  now  daily  more  and  more  cause  for  praise.  I 
was  acquainted  with  many  of  the  excellent  of  the  earth,  and 
my  delight  was  in  them.  Yet  I  was  not  without  my  cross ;  for 
every  time  I  went  to  see  my  dear  parents,  what  I  felt  when, 
toward  night,  I  rose  up  to  go  away,  cannot  well  be  imagined. 
Not  that  I  wished  to  abide  there  ;  but  there  was  something  in 
bidding  farewell  to  those  under  whose  roof  I  had  always  livedy 
that  used  to  affect  me  much,  though  I  saw  the  wise  and  gra . 


PART   I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  29 

cious  hand  of  God  in  all ;  and  that  he  had  by  this  means  set 
me  free  for  his  own  service.  From  my  heart  I  thanked  him  as 
the  gracious  author,  and  them  as  the  profitable  instruments,  of 
doing  me  so  great  a  good.  My  mother  was  frequently  giving 
ine  little  things ;  and  every  renewed  mark  of  kindness  made 
the  wound  to  bleed  afresh. 

There  was  in  the  years  sixty-one  and  sixty-two,  a  very  great 
revival  among  the  societies,  both  in  London  and  many  other 
places  ;  'and  an  earnest  desire  was  stirred  up  in  many  hearts 
after  full  salvation.  Prayer  was  made  without  ceasing  by  the 
faithful,  "  That  the  glory  of  God  might  go  forth  as  brightness  ; 
and  his  salvation  as  a  lamp  that  burneth."  These  prayers 
were  answered  in  a  very  powerful  manner.  The  Spirit  was 
poured  out  on  some  in  such  a  degree  as  can  hardly  be  con- 
ceived, but  by  those  who  felt  the  Divine  influence.  Not  only 
Mr.  Wesley  and  Mr.  Maxfield,  were  in  an  uncommon  manner 
blessed  in  their  preaching ;  but  many  simple  persons,  both  men 
and  women,  were  lively  harbingers  of  the  approaching  pente- 
cost,  and  cried  aloud,  The  kingdom  of  heaven  is  at  hand ! 
The  mighty  power  of  God  was  seen  on  every  side  !  Christ  was 
held  out  as  a  complete  Saviour ;  and  represented  to  the  eye  of 
faith,  as  crying  out  on  this  festal  day,  "  If  any  man  thirst,  let 
him  come  unto  me  and  drink  ;  he  that  believeth  on  me,  out  of 
his  belly  shall  flow  rivers  of  living  water."  These  rivers  did, 
indeed,  flow  from  heart  to  heart.  The  gift  of  victorious  faith 
was  given  to  many,  not  only  for  themselves  but  others.  A 
clear  light  shone  on  these  truths :  "  They  that  are  in  Christ 
are  new  creatures ;  old  things  are  passed  away,  and  all  things 
become  new.  The  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  cleanseth  from  all 
sin."  The  whole  soul,  with  every  faculty,  shall  be  so  brought 
into  subjection  to  Christ,  as  to  feel,  /  live  not,  but  Christ 
liveth  in  me .' 

Some  portion  of  this  river  seemed  now  to  reach  me  also. 
The  means  of  grace  were  as  marrow  to  my  soul ;  and  often 
these  words  were  applied :  If  thou  canst  believe,  all  things 
are  possible  to  him  that  believeth.  But  I  could  not  believe  so 
as  to  give  up  my  whole  heart  to  the  Lord.  I  knew  him  mine, 
but  other  things  had  yet  life  in  me,  though  not  dominion  over 
me.  I  was  now  assured  the  blessing  of  sanctification  (or,  in 
other  words,  a  heart  entirely  renewed)  could  not  be  received 
but  by  simple  naked  faith  ;*  and  my  soul  groaned  out  its  desire 
in  these  words  : — 

"That  mighty  faith  on  me  bestow, 

Which  cannot  ask  in  vain  ; 
Which  holds,  and  will  not  let  tuee  go, 
Till  I  my  suit  obtain." 

*  By  simple  faith,  I  mean,  taking  God  at  his  word  without  reasoning;  and  by. 
naked  faith^  I  mean,  stripped  of  every  other  dependence  but  on  Christ  alone, 

3* 


30  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  I, 

One  day  as  a  few  of  us  were  praying  together  at  brother 
Gilford's,  we  were  so  drawn  out,  that  we  were,  I  think,  four 
hours  engaged,  when  I  really  thought  we  had  not  been  above 
one ;  and  this  was  frequently  the  case  with  us.  Another  day 
as  I  was  at  a  meeting  for  prayer  at  a  friend's  house,  when 
he  had  continued  some  time,  I  seemed  as  if  I  had  lost  all. 
Deep  discouragement  seized  my  spirit ;  but  I  wrestled  on,  and 
was  in  an  agony  to  love  God  with  all  my  heart.  Brother  Gil- 
ford was  praying  for  me,  when  in  a  moment  I  felt  a  calmness 
overspread  my  spirit,  and  by  faith  I  laid  hold  on  Jesus,  as  my 
full  Saviour.  I  said  in  my  heart,  Thy  will  be  done  !  Thy  will 
be  done !  and  in  that  I  felt  my  rest.  In  the  same  moment 
brother  Gilford  changed  prayer  into  praise,  telling  the  Lord  he 
had  heard  and  answered :  he  had  set  me  at  liberty,  and  now  he 
would  praise  him.  This  surprised  me,  as  I  had  not  given  the 
least  sign,  by  either  word  or  motion,  of  what  I  had  felt  within. 
He  concluded  his  prayer  with  that  act  of  praise.  He  asked  me 
how  I  felt  myself!  I  answered,  I  could  not  fully  tell ;  but  that 
I  found  that  the  love  of  the  will  of  God  had  brought  an  un- 
speakable peace  into  my  soul :  but  that  I  did  not  feel  joy ;  only 
a  rest  in  that  thought,  The  Lord  reignetk,  and  his  will  shall 
be  done.  As  I  was  walking  home,  I  found  the  presence  of  the 
Lord  to  be  with  me.  He  soemed  to  say,  Round  thee  and 
beneath  thee  are  spread  the  everlasting  arms.  I  felt  they 
were  so,  and  my  faith  seemed  to  gather  strength  continually. 

Yet  for  some  days  I  was  much  exercised  with  temptation, 
and  continually  accused,  that  I  had  thought,  said,  or  done 
something  amiss.*  But  after  a  little  time  I  found  a  more  solid 
rest ;  and  sensibly  felt  my  will  and  affections  were  fixed  on 
God,  and  most  powerfully  was  I  penetrated  with  these  words  : — 

"  Their  daily  delight  shall  be  in  his  name, 
They  shall,  as  their  right,  his  righteousness  claim; 
His  righteousness  wearing,  and  cleansed  by  his  blood, 
Bold  shall  they  appear  in  the  presence  of  God !" 

One  night  I  awaked  with  much  of  the  presence  of  God,  when 
those  words  were  powerfully  applied,  Thou  shall  call  thy 
walls  Salvation,  and  thy  gates  Praise.  That  promise  also 
dwelt  on  my  mind,  In  returning  and  rest  shall  ye  be  saved ; 
in  quietness  and  confidence  shall  be  thy  strength. 

I  believe  what  I  felt  at  this  season  was  a  low  degree  of  pure 
love  ;  or  what  we  call  a  clean  heart.  But  though  it  was  in  a 
small  degree,  yet  did  it  evidence  itself  by  a  mighty  change.  I 
had  many  temptations,  and  not  much  joy.  Yet  did  I  never 
feel  any  thing  contrary  to  love ;  and  in  the  temptations  with 
which  I  was  attacked,  I  felt  a  great  difference.  Satan  never 
attempted  to  draw  my  affections,  neither  to  move  me  to  anger, 
for  there  I  could  have  answered  him,  Thou  hast  nothing  in 
*  A  strong  mark  of  the  reality  of  the  work.— ED. 


PART  I.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  31 

me  ;*  but  I  was  followed  with  such  a  sense  of  sorrow  as  I  cannot 
express.  The  fear  of  living  to  fall  from  grace,  and  sin  against 
God,  tore  me  at  intervals,  for  some  minutes,  as  one  on  a  rack. 
Then  a  turn  of  the  eye,  by  faith  on  Jesus,  would  make  my 
enemies  flee.  Another  cause  of  sorrow  was, — something  I  am 
at  a  loss  to  describe,  but  it  seemed  most  exquisite  feelings  were 
opened  in  my  soul,  such  as  I  never  knew  before.  If  I  saw  or 
heard  of  the  consequences  of  sin,  I  was  ready  to  die  !  For 
instance, — if  in  the  street  I  saw  a  child  ill  used  or  slighted  by 
the  person  who  seemed  to  have  the  care  of  it,  or  a  poor  person 
sweating  under  an  uncommonly  heavy  burden ;  or  if  I  saw  a 
horse,  or  a  dog,  oppressed  or  wounded,  it  was  more  than  I 
could  bear.  I  seemed  to  groan  and  travail  in  birth,  as  it  were, 
for  the  whole  creation.  Yet  notwithstanding  all  these  painful 
feelings,  I  had  a  solid  peace.  I  always  felt  I  committed  my  all 
to  Jesus,  and  I  lived  on  his  faithfulness.  As  I  observed  before, 
anger  seemed  in  my  soul  to  know  its  place  no  more.  Neither 
did  I  iind  an  attachment  to  any  creature,  or  thing,  but  such  as 
reflected  from  the  will  of  God.  Such  a  sense  of  purity  dwelt 
on  my  soul,  as  I  can  hardly  describe.  I  often  felt  the  power 
of  those  words,  Unto  the  pure,  all  things  are  pure.  I  some- 
times thought  I  should  not  care  if  my  breast  was  as  a  window, 
and  if  every  thought  was  without  a  covering  to  man  as  it  was 
to  God.  A  little  degree  of  heavenly  wisdom  was  also  let  down 
into  my  heart.  Being  fixed  on  a  solid  rock,  I  was  not  so  easily 
shaken  ;  and  those  words  were  powerfully  applied,  "  Thou 
shalt  not  be  afraid  for  any  evil  tidings,  for  thy  heart  standeth 
fast,  believing  in  the  Lord."  But  above  all,  I  felt  such  a  sim- 
plicity, such  a  hanging  on  the  Lord  Jesus,  that  self  seemed 
annihilated,  and  Jesus  was  my  all.  The  nothing  into  which  I 
felt  myself  sunk,  and  the  great  salvation  I  seemed  to  possess 
in  Jesus,  were  such  as  I  cannot  explain.  I  used  often  to  say, 
It  appears  to  me  that  unbelief  cannot  find  a  place  in  my  soul 
to  set  its  foot  upon.  And  indeed  it  could  not ;  for  slavish  fear 
seemed  quite  cast  out.  I  could  say,  "  I  live  not,  but  Christ 
liveth  in  me,  and  the  life  which  I  now  live  in  the  flesh,  I  live 
by  faith  in  the  Son  of  God."  I  was  truly  nothing,  and  all  my 
salvation  came  through  faith  in  the  Son  of  God.  He  was  my 
soul's  delight ;  and  I  felt  if  I  could  have  been  saved  any  other 
way,  I  would  not  have  accepted  it.  O  how  often  was  that 
word  in  my  mouth  and  heart ! 

"  Having  done  all,  by  faith  I  stand, 

And  give  the  praise,  O  Lord,  to  thee; 
Thy  holy  arm,  thy  own  right  hand. 
Hath  got  thyself  the  victory. "t 

*  His  strength  lay  in  applying  the  law  to  a  conscience  so  tender. — ED. 
t  Who  can  deny  this  great  salvation  without  denying  the  truth  and  power  of 
God  7    But  Oh !  how  few  seek  it !— ED. 


32  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  r. 

All  this  time  the  Lord  kept  me,  as  to  outward  things^  like  an 
infant  in  its  mother's  amis.  I  put  in  practice  my  first' resolu- 
tion, and  had  no  other  thought  but  of  devoting  myself  to  God 
in  a  single  life :  only  I  remember  I  sometimes  thought,  were  I 
to  be  married  to  Mr.  Fletcher,*  would  he  not  be  rather  a  help, 
than  a  hinderance  to  my  soul  1  But  it  was  only  a  thought,  and 
had  arisen  from  what  some  friends  said  to  me  on  the  subject. 

As  I  desired  to  be  the  Lord's,  and  to  spend  all  I  had  to  his 
"[lory,  I  sometimes  carried  this  desire  too  far,  and  did  not  allow 
myself  quite  what  was  needful.  My  exercises  were  greater 
than  I  had  been  used  to,  and  I  was  seized  with  a  complaint  in 
my  bowels.  I  thought  if  I  had  some  spice  boiled  in  water,  and 
port  wine  with  it,  it  would  help  me,  but  I  was  unwilling  to 
get  it.  However  my  heavenly  Father  took  care  for  that.  He 
knows  what  we  have  need  of  before  we  ask ;  for  at  that  very 
time  a  relation  called,  and  brought  me  a  quantity  of  spice  as  a 
present ;  and  the  very  next  day  my  father  called  in  his  chariot, 
and  brought  me  a  hamper  of  port  wine,  neither  of  them  know- 
ing any  thing  of  my  wants  !  I  therefore  received  it  as  imme- 
diately from  the  Lord.  And  I  could  give  a  variety  of  instances 
of  the  same  nature.  It  seemed  I  could  hardly  think  of  a  thing, 
but  it  was  brought  to  me.  O  how  true  is  that  promise,  "What 
is  given  up  for  God,  shall  be  restored  manifold  in  this  present 
life."  Before  the  Lord  made  me  to  wander  from  my  father's 
house,  a  particular  person  used  to  upbraid  me  with  that  reflec- 
tion, "  You  will  soori  find  the  difference  between  your  father's  . 
house  and  such  poking  holes  as  you  will  live  in.  There  you 
will  not  have  one  inch  but  the  common  street :  whereas  you 
have  beertnised  to  large  and  fine  gardens,  in  which  you  much 
delighted.  And  how  tired  you  will  be  of  such  trash  as  you  pro- 
vide, instead  of  the  plentiful  provision  of  his  table.  Before  you 
have  lived  so  for  six  months,  I  will  engage  you  will  wish  your- 
self back  again,  and  your  religion  out  of  the  way." 

But  was  it  so  7  O  Lord,  thou  knowest !  "  Thou  didst  feed 
me  as  with  the  finest  wheat  flour,  and  with  water  out  of  the 
stony  rock  didst  thou  satisfy  me."  All  I  could  want,  all  I  could 
desire,  was  bountifully  supplied.  When  I  have  sometimes  been 
reflecting  on  my  situation,  inward  and  outward,  I  have  remem- 
bered that,  word,  The  meek  shall  inherit  the  earth.  Glory  be 
to  thee,  O  Lord,  thou  hast  meekened  my  spirit,  and  thou  makest 
me  to  possess  all  things.  Often  I  have  said,  in  amazement, 
What  can  I  fear  ]  I  have  no  desire :  the  will  of  God  swallows 
up  all !  My  Jesus  and  my  all !  my  Jesus  and  my  all  for  ever  ! 

*  At  that  time  Mr.  Wesley's  assistant  in  London. 


PART   II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  33 


PART  THE  SECOND. 

HER    REMOVAL    TO    LAYTON8TONE. 

I  EXPERIENCED  daily  more  and  more  of  the  tender  care  of 
the  Almighty ;  and  often  felt  these  words  with  power : — 

"  No  fondest  parent's  anxious  breast 
Yearns  like  thy  God's  to  make  thee  blest." 

Every  want  was  supplied  before  I  could  ask  it ;  nay,  many 
times  before  I  was  conscious  of  the  want.  My  maid  wae  but 
dull  and  ignorant,  though  a  good  girl ;  and  I  knew  little  more 
of  the  world  than  she  did,  having  been  used  to  so  different  a 
way  of  life.  My  health,  and  many  concerns,  needed  a  care  I 
did  not  know  how  to  take.  But  if  at  any  time  such  an  idea 
would  offer  to  my  mind,  I  checked  it  in  a  moment  with  that 
thought, — I  have  the  Gospel :  I  have  freedom  to  serve  God  :  1 
have  spiritual  blessings.  What  more  can  I  need  ?  And  truly 
1  rather  saw  than  felt  my  wants.  Nevertheless,  now  and  then 
1  have  said,  Would  not  a  steady  faithful  friend  be  a  great  ad- 
vantage to  me"?  One  who  could  lead  me  into  a  deeper  acquaint- 
ance with  God  ?  But  I  sought  it  not :  all  my  cares  on  him 
were  cast,  and  in  his  will  I  found  my  resting  place,  and  in  quiet- 
ness and  confidence  was  my  strength. 

At  this  juncture  I  received  a  letter  from  Mrs.  Ryan,  inform- 
ing me  she  was  coming  up  to  London.  She  had  left  Bristol 
Room  some  time  before,  her  health  not  permitting  he'r  to  con- 
tinue in  that  place.  She  informed  me  she  was  settled  in  a 
lodging,  but  she  saw  it  her  duty  to  come  up  to  London  a  few 
months  for  my  sake  ;  "  for  I  reap  (said  she)  of  your  substance, 
and  so  do  many  ;  but  the  Lord  shows  me  that  at  present  you 
suffer  for  the  want  of  a  friend,  (referring  to  what  I  had  written 
to  her,)  and  I  think  he  has  ripened  and  confirmed  that  solid 
spark  of  friendship,  which  was  so  long  ago  kindled  in  our 
breasts  toward  each  other.  It  seems  to  me  as  if  the  Lord  had 
laid  your  burden  on  me,  as  he  once  committed  the  care  of 
Mary  to  Joseph,  and  afterward  to  the  favourite  disciple."  She 
concluded : — 

<:  Jesus,  to  thy  preserving  care, 

My  choicest  blessing  I  commend  ; 
Receive,  and  on  thy  bosom  bear 

The  soul  whom  thou  hast  made  my  friend." 

I  spread  my  friend's  letter  before  the  Lord,  and  praised  him  for 
laying  my  burden  on  the  heart  of  one  whom  I  knew  to  be  a 
favourite  of  Heaven.  I  answered,  that  I  should  be  very  glau  to 
see  her.  She  had  not  been  long  at  her  sister's  before  she  was 
seized  with  a  violent  disorder,  which  we  thought  would  end  in 
death.  I  visited  her  often,  and  with  much  profit.  Mrs.  M, 


34  THE    LIFE   OF  [PART   il. 

being  taken  ill  also,  and  only  one  servant  to  attend  them  both, 
I  believed  it  my  duty  to  be  with  her  night  and  day  ;  and  the 
Lord  gave  me  such  strength  and  ability  for  it,  as  I  had  never 
found  before.  I  felt  his  peculiar  smile  on  my  employment,  and 
those  words  which  had  formerly  made  such  an  impression  on 
my  mind,  were  now  continually  before  me : — 

"  O  that  my  Lord  would  count  me  meet 
To  wash  his  dear  disciples'  feet : 
After  my  lowly  Lord  to  go. 
And  wait  upon  his  saints  Mow : 
Enjoy  the  grace  to  angels  given, 
And  serve  the  royal  heirs  of  heaven." 

As  she  slept  little,  we  conversed  much ;  and  our  hearts  were 
united  as  David's  and  Jonathan's.  The  spirit  of  community 
which  reigned  in  the  church  at  Jerusalem,  I  felt  a  taste  of;  and 
from  that  time  to  her  death,  the  cold  words  of  mine  and  thine 
were  never  known  between  us.  A  circumstance  which  now 
occurred  unexpectedly  constrained  her  to  remove.  I  took  her 
home  with  me,  but  not  till  I  had  inquired  of  the  Lord,  well 
knowing  how  much  the  progress  of  the  divine  life  depends  on 
our  private  connections.  Unless  much  caution  is  used  between 
persons  living  together,  they  are  often  a  great  hinderance  to 
each  other. 

After  a  time  the  Lord  was  pleased  to  restore  her  to  health ; 
and  having  one  heart,  one  mind,  and  one  purse,  we  agreed  that 
one  habitation  also  would  be  most  profitable.  The  Lord  had 
given  us  to  feel  that  union  which  even  death  itself  could  not 
dissolve.  I  have  often  thought  on  those  words  of  Solomon,  "  A 
faithful  friend  is  the  medicine  of  life ;  and  he  that  fears  the 
Lord  shall  find  him."  Some  however  objected  :  "  Your  income 
is  'as  yet  but  small ;  you  wish  to  be  useful ;  why  then  did  you 
not  choose,  as  a  friend,  one  who  had  some  fortune  to  unite 
with  your  own,  and  that  might  have  enlarged  your  sphere."  I 
answered,  I  did  not  choose  at  all.  I  stood  still,  saw,  and  fol- 
lowed the  order  of  God.  And  if  my  means  had  been  enlarged 
in  money  >  and  lessened  in  grace,  what  should  I  have  gained  by 
that  1  I  acknowledge  I  neither  gained  honour,  gold,  nor  indulg- 
ence to  the  flesh,  by  uniting  myself  to  a  sickly  persecuted  saint ; 
but  I  gained  such  a  spiritual  helper  as  I  shall  eternally  praise 
God  for.  Many  are  the  advocates  of  friendship.  Many  will 
say,  with  Dr.  Young, 

"  Poor  is  the  friendless  master  of  a  world. 
A  world  in  purchase  for  a  friend  is  gain." 

But  they  refuse  the  sacrifice  demanded  by  that  friendship,  and 
forget  the  following  lines : — • 

"  But  for  whom  blossoms  this  elysian  flower'! 
Can  gold  gain  friendship'!  Impudence  of  hope ! 
As  well  mere  man  an  angel  might  beget 


PART  II.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  36 

Love,  and  love  only,  is  the  iv.  n  for  love. 
Delusive  pride  repress, — 
Nor  hope  to  find  a  friend,  but  who  hath  found 
A  friend  in  thee." 

We  continued  together  at  Hoxton  some  time.  When  1  was 
about  twenty-three,  the  people  of  Laytonstone  were  much  laid 
on  my  mind.  I  had  both  my  birth  and  maintenance  from  that 
place,  and  I  could  not  help  thinking  I  owed  something  to  their 
souls.  Yet  I  saw  the  way  very  difficult.  My  parents  permit- 
ted me  to  be  often  with  them,  and  seemed  pretty  well  recon- 
ciled to  my  manner  of  life,  while  at  a  distance.  But  how, 
thought  I,  will  it  appear  in  their  eyes,  to  bring  the  preachers 
they  so  much  object  to,  within  a  mile  of  their  house  ?  I  thought 
I  should  not  now  be  called  to  offend  them  any  farther.  Cannot 
the  Lord,  if  he  sees  good,  send  the  Gospel  to  those  people  some 
other  way  ?  Thus  I  put  it  from  my  mind  again  and  again ;  yet 
a  strange  love  for  those  souls  in  that  place  would  spring  up  in 
my  heart  ;•  and  when  I  said,  Lord,  send  by  whom  thou  wilt 
send,  but  not  by  me  !  those  words  again  presented  themselves, 
"  He  that  loveth  father  or  mother  more  than  me,  is  not  worthy 
of  me." 

About  this  time  a  house  of  my  own  at  Laytonstone  became 
untenanted.  My  friend  as  well  as  myself  saw  many  reasons 
for  our  removing  to  that  place.  We  prayed  much  about  it,  and 
I  asked  the  Lord  to  show  us  clearly  his  will ;  and  at  length  felt 
from  the  Lord,  first,  a  liberty  to  believe,  that  if  my  father  did 
absolutely  forbid  my  coming,  I  was  not  required  to  do  it.  Se- 
condly, I  knew  God  did  not  require  impossibilities  :  I  had  not 
yet  an  income  sufficient  for  living  ia  that  place.  I  asked,  there- 
fore, as  a  farther  mark,  the  settling  an  affair,  which  kept  me 
out  of  part  of  my  fortune,  occasioned  by  a  flaw  in  the  making- 
of  my  grandmother's  will  I  had  taken  some  pains  about  this 
affair  before,  but  to  no  purpose.  However,  I  slightly  mention- 
ed it  again,  and  it  was  settled  directly.  Then  I  made  known 
to  my  father  my  thought  about  living  at  Laytonstone.  I  used 
no  deception ;  but  told  him  plainly  the  end  I  proposed  in  so 
doing,  my  mother  being  present.  He  made  not  the  least  ob- 
jection, only  added  with  a  smile,  "  If  a  mob  should  pull  your 
house  about  your  ears,  I  cannot  hinder  them."  We  waited 
before  the  Lord,  believing  it  was  his  call,  and  held  ourselves  in 
readiness  for  immediate  obedience.  One  night  I  dreamed  1 
was  in  one  of  my  houses  there,  in  company  with  all  kinds  of 
people,  rich  and  poor,  mbst  of  whom  appeared  very  ungodly. 
It  was  strongly  impressed  on  my  mind  to  speak  to  them,  but  1 
started  from  the  thought,  md  said,  with  emotion,  I/ord,  what 
do  I  here  among  this  people ;  for  they  are  not  thy  people,  and 
what  am  I  to  do  with  them  ?  I  then  beheld  the  Lord  Jesus 
eland  as  just  before  me.  The  awful  majesty  of  his  presence 


36  THE  LIFE   OF  [PART  II. 

had  such  an  effect  on  me  a«  I  cannot  express !  It  seemed  to 
me  I  sunk  down  before  him  as  if  I  were  sweetly  melting  into 
nothing.  I  saw  no  shining  brightness,  or  any  thing  dazzling 
to  the  eye.  He  appeared  only  as  a  man  clothed  in  white ;  yet 
to  my  mind  there  was  what  I  cannot  put  into  words.  It  was  a 
sense  of  his  purity !  It  was  the  glory  of  holiness  which  so 
overcame  me  !  There  seemed  but  about  one  yard  distance  be- 
tween my  Saviour  and  me — when  he  spake  with  a  voice  clear 
and  distinct  these  words :  "  I  will  send  thee  to  a  people  that 
are  not  a  people,  and  I  will  go  with  thee.  Bring  them  unto 
me,  for  I  will  lay  my  hand  upon  them  and  heal  them.  Fear 
not,  only  believe !" 

I  When  the  immediate  presence  of  my  Lord  was  withdrawn, 
I  thought  that  I  repeated  with  tears  to  the  people,  what  he  had 
spoken  to  me.  Many  mocked  and  derided ;  but  a  few  express- 
ed a  desire  of  being  separated  from  the  others  to  hear  the  word. 
I  endeavoured  to  find  a  place  to  meet  them  in,  and  in  order  to 
do  so,  I  was  constrained  to  walk  over  a  piece  of  building,  where 
the  floor  did  not  seem  thicker  than  a  wafer.  When  I  had  pass- 
ed it,  I  looked  back,  and  said,  Not  a  splinter  has  given  way 
under  my  feet.  Turning  my  face  toward  the  lane,  I  saw  a 
funeral,  and  awaked  with  that  word  powerfully  applied,  The 
mouth  of  the  Lord  hath  spoken  it.  I  found  myself  in  a  sweet 
delightful  peace.  Soul  and  body  seemed  all  attracted  into  a 
divine  harmony.  When  sufficiently  come  to  myself  to  speak, 
I  told  sister  Ryan,  (who  slept  with  me,)  all  that  had  passed. 
She  replied :  "  This  night,  both  sleeping  and  waking,  I  have 
been  much  occupied  with  these  words :  /  will  go  before  you, 
and  humble  the  great  ones  of  the  earth." 

This  was  in  the  year  sixty-three.  On  March  the  34th,  the 
same  year,  we  removed  to  Laytonstone.  From  the  first  hour 
we  found  much  of  the  presence  of  God ;  and  stood  still  to  see 
his  salvation.  In  order  to  supply  the  want  of  public  means, 
(which  we  could  not  have  but  when  \ve  went  to  London,)  we 
agreed  to  spend  an  hour  every  night  together  in  spiritual  read- 
ing and  prayer.  A  poor  woman,  with  whom  I  had  formerly 
talked,  came  to  ask  if  she  might  come  in  when  we  made  prayer  ? 
We  told  her,  at  seven  every  Thursday  night  she  should  be  wel- 
come. She  soon  brought  two  or  three  more,  and  they  others, 
till  in  a  short  time  our  little  company  increased  to  twenty-five. 
One  night,  just  before  the  time  of  meeting,  a  poor  woman  call- 
ed with  a  basket  of  cakes  to  sell.  On  our  refusing  to  buy  any, 
she  stood  still  a  long  time  at  the  gate.  We  began  to  converse 
with  her  about  her  soul,  when  she  expressed  a  great  desire  to 
stay  to  the  meeting ;  and  in  so  doing  was  so  greatly  blessed, 
that  she  would  fain  have  left  us  part  of  her  goods  in  return. 
We  now  thought  it  would  be  well  to  converse  with  each  in  par- 
ticular, and  that  the  time  was  come  for  it.  Some  few  were 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  37 

offended,  and  came  no  more  ;  but  most  appeared  under  convic- 
tion, and  those  we  appointed  to  meet  on  Tuesday  night,  re- 
serving the  Thursday  for  the  public  meeting,  which  still  kept 
increasing,  and  in  which  we  read  a  chapter,  and  sometimes 
spoke  from  it. 

The  first  time  we  met  on  Tuesday  night  two  were  set  at 
liberty.  We  now  thought  it  expedient  to  apply  to  Mr.  Wes- 
ley for  a  preacher.  He  approved  our  plan,  and  sent  Mr.  Murlin 
the  next  Sunday ;  and  within  a  fortnight  we  had  twenty-five 
Coined  in  society.  Much  opposition  now  arose  from  all  sides, 
(though  more  from  the  rich  than  the  poor,)  and  one  Thursday 
night,  as  I  was  speaking  to  a  pretty  large  company  in  my  own 
kitchen,  the  bell  at  the  fore  gate  was  rung  very  hard.  Our 
servant,  who  was  a  pious  woman,  went  to  see  who  was  there. 
In  the  meantime,  four  shabby  looking  men,  with  great  sticks 
in  their  hands,  came  in  at  the  back  door,  and  so  into  the  kitchen. 
The  servant  soon  returned  with  some  emotion,  and  whispered 
me :  "  It  is  Mr.  W.  who  is  come  to  inform  you,  you  must  if 
you  please  break  off,  for  here  is  a  great  mob  coming ;  and  the 
ringleaders  are  four  men  with  clubs."  Turning  to  the  people, 
I  answered  her  aloud,  "  O,  we  do  not  mind  mobs,  when  we  are 
about  our  Master's  business."  Greater  is  he  that  is  for  us, 
than  all  that  can  be  against  us.  I  then  went  on  till  I  had 
concluded  my  subject.  Having  a  .few  of  the  rules  of  the  society 
which  I  intended  to  disperse  that  night,  1  addressed  myself 
rirst  to  the  four  men,  who  stood  before  me,  explaining  what 
they  were,  and  asked  if  they  would  choose  to  accept  one  1  They 
received  them  with  a  respectful  bow,  and  went  out.  Who  they 
were,  and  what  was  their  purpose,  I  know  not  to  this  day.  We 
heard  no  more  of  the  mob.  At  this  time  the  hand  of  the  Lord 
was  much  with  us,  supporting  and  comforting  us  under  every 
trial.  There  was  only  my  friend  Ryan,  myself,  the  maid,  and 
Sally  Lawrence,  a  child  about  four  years  old,  whom  I  had  just 
before  taken  from  the  side  of  her  mother's  coffin  into  our  house 
On  one  side  it  was  open  to  the  forest,  and  I  know  not  that  one 
of  the  awakened  people  lived  within  a  mile  of  us.  We  were 
as  on  a  desert  alone ;  but  the  Lord  was  with  us,  and  preserved 
us  beneath  his  love's  almighty  .shade.  The  enemy  came,  how- 
ever, to  the  length  of  his  chain.  Sometimes  on  Sundays,  when 
the  nights  were  dark,  after  the  society  meeting,  a  mob  used  to 
collect  at  the  gate,  and  throw  dirt  at  the  people  as  they  went 
out ;  and  when  they  were  gone,  they  used  to  come  into  the 
yard,  break  some  trifles  they  found  there,  and  putting  up  their 
faces  to  a  window  which  had  no  shutters,  roar  and  howl  like 
wild  beasts. 

And  now  another  dispensation  was  opening  before  us.   From 
the  time  I  was  seventeen,  some  drawing  toward  the  care  of 
children  had  dwelt  on  my  mind.  I  felt  the  same  desire  now  as 
4 


38  THE  LIFE   OF  [PART  II. 

at  that  time,  to  become  in  every  sense  a  servant  to  the  church. 
Those  words  were  still  with  me  :  "  If  she  have  lodged  strang- 
ers :  if  she  have  brought  up  children ;  if  she  have  relieved  the 
afflicted ;  and  diligently  followed  after  every  good  work."  Yet 
I  was  truly  sensible  no  work  was  good  but  as  being  done  in  the 
will  and  order  of  God.  \Ve  therefore  entreated  the  Lord  to 
discover  to  us  all  his  sacred  will  from  day  to  day,  and  not  suf- 
fer us  in  any  degree  to  err  therefrom. 

Various  leadings  of  Providence,  both  inward  and  outward, 
drew  us  to  think  of  the  rising  generation  with  more  than  com- 
mon tenderness.  Our  abilities  were  small ;  yet  perhaps  a  few 
children  we  could  educate,  without  interrupting  the  order  of 
God  in  our  call  toward  the  grown  people.  We  determined, 
however,  to  take  none  but  destitute  orphans,  that  no  one  might 
interrupt  our  plan  of  education.  We  were  not  unconscious, 
that  to  change  the  heart  belongs  to  God,  but  at  the  same  time 
we  remembered,  there  was  a  blessing  promised  to  "  the  train- 
ing up  a  child  in  the  way  it  should  go,"  and  that  a  degree  of 
knowledge,  with  a  capacity  of  getting  their  bread  in  an  honest 
way,  has,  under  God,  rescued  many  from  destruction.  Some 
such  objects  now  presented  themselves,  and  we  received  them, 
one  after  another,  in  the  name  of  the  Lord.  We  however  re- 
fused many,  taking  only  those  concerning  whom  there  appear- 
ed a  particular  call  of  Providence. 

For  a  good  while,  our  family  consisted  of  one  servant,  six 
orphans,  and  ourselves  ;  but  we  found  it  took  up  too  much  of 
our  time  to  have  the  whole  care  of  them  alone  ;  especially  as 
my  friend  Ryan  was  often  confined  by  illness.  We  therefore 
took  a  pious  young  woman,  named  Ann  Tripp,  who  desired  to 
devote  herself  to  God,  in  a  closer  walk  than  the  generality  of 
believers.  She  was  placed  as  governess  over  the  children, 
whose  number  continued  to  increase.  Some  serious  women 
also  were  added  to  our  household,  and  each  had  their  duties 
and  employments  assigned  them.  In  the  whole  we  received 
thirty-five  children,  and  thirty-four  grown  persons,  but  not  all 
at  one  time. 

We  now  found  work  enough  on  our  hands,  and  wished  to 
,free  ourselves  from  all  needless  cares.  As  well,  therefore,  to 
answer  that  end,  as  to  avoid  conformity  to  the  world,  we  thought 
5t  best  to  have  but  one  dress.  We  fixed  on  a  dark  purple  cot- 
ton, of  which  we  had  many  pieces  stamped ;  and  ourselves  with 
the  whole  family  wore  nothing  else.  We  had  a  large  hall,  and 
in  it  a  table  five  yards  long,  at  which  we  ate  together.  There 
also  we  assembled  for  morning  and  evening  devotion,  and  on 
several  other  occasions.  But  in  general,  the  children  were  in 
the  nursery,  and  the  other  sisters  in,  their  own  apartments. 

When  my  family  began  thus  to  increase,  I  must  acknow- 
ledge, it  was  by  no  means  proportionate  to  my  income,  but  it 


PART  I!.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  39 

appeared  to  me  I  had  a  peculiar  call  from  the  Lord  to  take  the 
steps  I  did ;  and  we  began  with  a  degree  of  the  same  spirit 
which  is  expressed  in  a  book  entitled,  "The  Footsteps  of 
Divine  Providence  ;"  giving  an  account  of  the  orphan  house  at 
Halle,  in  Germany,  raised  by  Professor  Francke. 

This  plan  I  would  advise  none  to  follow,  unless  they  felt 
what  I  did ;  for  certainly  justice  goes  before  charity ;  and  there 
is  very  seldom  a  real  call  from  God  to  give  more  than  we  have. 
But  it  must  be  observed,  though  my  income  was  inadequate  to 
the  undertaking,  I  had  a  considerable  capital.  So  that  I  was 
not  at  present  in  danger  of  debt.  The  risk  I  ran  was,  of  spend- 
ing my  capital,  and  being  left  without  a  maintenance.  But  the 
Lord  seemed  to  assure  me  I  should  not  thus  be  deserted,  and 
that  by  many  and  various  ways. 

•  We  now  set  ourselves  to  inquire  of  the  Lord,  how  we  should 
train  up  these  children  to  his  glory  :  and  a  few  out  of  many 
reflections  which  occurred  to  my  mind,  I  will  endeavour  to  set 
down.  But  I  must  observe,  first,  as  most  of  our  children  were 
naked,  full  of  vermin,  and  some  afflicted  with  distempers,  the 
first  thing  was  to  clean  and  clothe  them,  and  attend  to  their 
health ;  which  usually  was  followed  with  much  success.  At 
the  same  time,  we  endeavoured  to  bring  them  to  an  outward 
conformity  of  manners  to  the  rules  of  the  house,  and  to  some 
courtesy  of  behaviour.  This  was  not  difficult,  as  a  child  natu- 
rally falls  in  with  what  it  sees  in  others.  The  second  attempt 
was,  to  fix  on  their  minds  that  we  had  no  motives  in  receiving 
them  into  our  house,  but  that  of  love  ;  love  to  their  souls  and 
bodies.  We  wished  to  save  their  bodies  from  misery,  and  their 
souls  from  eternal  destruction. 

With  respect  to  the  strangers,  we  endeavoured  to  lead  them 
to  a  view  of  the  love  of  God,  observing  it  was  his  love  \yhich 
caused  ours.  He  put  it  into  our  heart,  be  brought  them  in  our 
way,  and  from  his  hand  came  their  every  blessing.  That  the 
end  of  the  Lord  in  bringing  them  into  our  house,  was  to  learn 
that  great  truth,  that  they  should  never  die.  Their  bodies  must 
die,  and  rest  in  the  grave  ;  but  they  themselves  would  be  for 
ever  alive,  and  hear,  see,  think,  and  know ;  feel  pleasure,  or 
pain,  and  that  for  ever.  We  inculcated  that  the  end  of  their 
learning  this  lesson  was  to  make  them  happy,  and  prevent  their 
being  miserable,  since  in  a  very  short  space  of  time  they  must 
enter  into  the  one  or  the  other  state,  and  that  to  all  eternity. 

We  continually  impressed  on  the  minds  of  the  children,  that 
the  only  way  to  bt<  happy  was  to  be  like  God  ;  to  love  what  he 
loved,  and  to  hate  what  lie  hated ;  but  that  was  not  their  pre- 
sent state.  They  were  now  like  the  devil,  and  loved  what  he 
ioved.  If  they  were  injured,  they  loved  to  revenge,  and  could 
hardly  forget  the  offence  any  one  offered  them.  When  ingry, 
they  would  cry  and  sob,  and  be  almost  choked ;  but  when  did 


40  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  II. 

they  find  themselves  so  affected  in  thinking  about  thf  Lrrd 
Jesus  ?  Did  his  love  and  sufferings  come  again  and  agaii,  to 
their  mind,  so  that  they  could  not  forget  them  1  And  when  did 
they  cry  and  sob,  because  they  had  sinned  against  so  good  a 
God?  It  was  plain,  therefore,  they  were  as  yet  the  devil's 
children,  and  their  minds  and  affections  obeyed  him  only.  We 
therefore  declared,  that  whenever  we  saw  these  marks  of  the 
devil's  power  on  their  hearts,  we  would  tell  them  of  it ;  but  if 
they  would  still  obey  him  rather  than  God,  we  would  then  add 
unto  our  words  correction ;  making  them  feel  pain,  that  the 
impression  might  be  strong,  and  more  lasting ;  and  that  they 
must  never  resent  nor  resist  those  corrections,  for  it  was  more 
painful  for  us  to  give,  than  it  could  be  for  them  to  receive  them. 
But  seeing  it  was  for  their  profit,  and  our  duty  to  do  it,  they 
must  take  each  correction  not  only  with  patience,  but  thank- 
fulness ;  for  we  should  make  it  a  point  of  conscience,  never  to 
correct,  or  even  to  contradict  them,  but  with  consideration  and 
prayer,  having  always  that  lesson  before  our  eyes, 

"  That  mercy  I  to  others  show, 
That  mercy  show  tome." 

Nor  were  these  observations  altogether  without  fruit ;  for  I  do 
not  remember  one  child  I  ever  had,  that  if  we  ordered  her  to 
receive  correction  by  the  rod,  (which  was  not  often,)  would  not 
lie  down  in  silence  as  a  lamb,  and  afterward,  yea,  immediately 
after,  come  and  kiss  us.  We  observed,  that  all  our  instructions 
would  avail  them  nothing,  unless  their  hearts  were  changed  ; 
and  that  none  but  Jesus  Christ  could  do  that ;  but  he  was  ready 
and  willing,  and  assuredly  would  do  it,  if  they  cried  to  him 
for  it. 

From  the  above  hints,  various  occasions  presented  to  point 
out  the  nature  of  salvation  through  Christ  alone,  and  the  ne- 
cessity of  a  renewed  nature,  in  order  to  be  capable  of  the 
enjoyment  of  heaven. 

One  day,  a  little  beggar  girl,  whom,  we  had  taken  in  about  a. 
week  before,  showed  some  of  the  vicious  dispositions  which 
had  been  nursed  up  in  her  by  evil  company.  On  repetition,  she 
received  correction.  When  the  children  were  alone,  (as  they 
thought,)  she  began  to  complain  of  her  hard  fate,  saying,  "  If 
they  love  us,  why  do  they  whip  us  1"  A  little  one  about  six 
years  old  replied,  "  Why,  it  is  because  they  love  us,  and  it  is 
to  make  us  remember  what  a  sad  thing  sin  is ;  and  God  would 
be  angry  with  them  if  they  did  not  do  so.  Do  you  not  remem- 
ber the  chapter  my  mistress  read  about  Eli !"  Indeed  I  had 
various  proofs  that  it  is  not  so  hard  a  thing  to  convince  the 
judgment  of  children  as  some  may  think ;  and  a  right  judgment, 
is  a  good  step  toward  right  affections. 

As  we-mtended  them  to  work  for  their  bread,  either  as  serv- 
ants or  in  little  trades,  we  endeavoured  as  early  as  possible  ts 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  41 

iriire  them  to  labour,  early  rising,  and  cleanliness.  The  eldest 
of  the  children  arose  between  four  and  five,  the  younger  not 
much  later.  At  half  an  hour  after  six  we  had  family  prayer. 
At  sgven,  we  breakfasted  together  on  herb  tea,  or  milk  por- 
ridge. The  small  children  then  went  into  the  garden  till  eight. 
At  eight  the  bell  rang  for  school,  which  continued  till  twelve. 
Then,  after  a  few  minutes  spent  in  prayer,  they  came  down  to 
us  ;  at  which  time  we  either  walked  out  with  them,  or,  if  the 
weather  did  not  permit,  we  found  them  sonre  employment  in 
the  house,  endeavouring  at  the  same  time  to  give  them  both 
instruction  and  recreation.  We  invented  various  employments 
for  those  hours,  in  order  to  remove  the  appearance  of  idleness, 
as  from  the  first  we  endeavoured  to  impress  that  lesson  on  their 
minds :  "  An  idle  person  is  the  devil's  cushion,  on  which  he 
rolls  ajt  pleasure."  Likewise,  that  in  the  choice  of  their  em- 
ployments, they  should  always  prefer  those  that  were  most 
useful,  and  be  always  able  to  render  a  reason  for  every  thing 
they  did.  At  one  we  dined  ;  about  two  the  bell  rang  again  for 
school,  and  at  five  they  returned  to  us,  and  were  employed  as 
before  till  supper  time.  Then,  after  family  prayer,  they  were 
washed,  and  put  to  bed  by  eight. 'Four  or  five  of  the  bigger  girls 
were  each  week  kept  out  of  the  school  by  turns,  and  employ- 
ed in  housework,  cooking,  &c,  that  they  might  be  accustomed 
to  every  sort  of  business  ;  and  there  was  work  enough  in  so 
large  a  family.  Several  of  the  children  were  very  young, 
though  I  do  not  remember  we  had  any  under  two  years,  except 
one  of  about  a  month  old,  which  was  laid,  very  neatly  dressed, 
one  night  late  at  our  door ;  but  it  lived  only  a  fortnight,  being 
full  of  humours,  too  probably  derived  from  its  parents. 

We  now  found  a  great  need  of  wisdom  and  patience.  We 
had,  I  think,  never  more  than  ten  grown  persons  in  the  family 
:it  one  time,  who  were  not  invalids ;  nor  do  I  ever  remember 
above  five  or  six  altogether  in  health.  The  children,  also,  for 
i  li»  first  few  years,  laboured  under  various  disorders ;  for  we 
d'd  not  refuse  either  old  or  young  on  account  of  being  sick  and 
helpless :  in  the  end  all  recovered  who  came  in  infirm.  We 
.sometimes  had  much  to  do,  for  the  care  of  the  sick,  the  ma- 
'•nt  of  eighteen  or  twenty  children,  with  various  meetings, 
and  the  needful  attention  to  the  work  of  God  in  a  new  raised 
society ;  with  the  reception  of  the  number  of  strangers  who 
visited  us  on  spiritual  accounts,  occasioned  those  of  us,  who 
had  the  work  of  God  at  heart,  a  good  deal  of  labour  and  suffering. 

Various  reproaches   now  began  to   roll  upon  us.     It  was 

reported  that  we  intended  to  bring  up  these  children  for  nuns  ; 

that  we  were  too  rigid  and  exact  to  our  own  rules.   Jj>ome 

objected,  it  is  all  carnal  wisdom ;  you  cannot  change  their 

.  mid  education  will  only  make  them  more  guilty  .before 

Others,  that  we  were  idle   and  buried  ourselves  alive, 

4* 


42  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  U. 

because  we  did  not  live  at  London.  But  the  reproach  that 
came  the  nearest  to  me  was  this, — She  talks  of  the  poverty  of 
the  holy  Jesus,  (alluding  to  a  little  book  I  had  printed,) — let  us 
see  her  work  at  a  trade  as  he  did,  and  that  would  make  her 
fortune  go  farther.  Would  any  one  with  such  a  capital  live 
only  on  the  interest,  when  by  trade  they  might  double  it  every 
year  ?  Several  came  and  talked  with  me  on  the  subject ;  say- 
ing, If  you  do  not  go  into  some  business,  you  will  be  brought 
to  the  parish  in  your  old  age.  I  replied,  I  understand  no  busi- 
ness ;  and  I  fear  to  lose  what  I  have,  instead  of  increasing  it. 
They  replied  again,  Then  ask  light  of  them  who  do  under- 
stand it.  Take  some  partner ;  let  such  have  the  care,  and 
you  find  the  money.  I  was  wearied  with  letters  and  disputes 
on  this  head.  However,  I  laid  it  before  the  Lord ;  and  felt  I 
was  willing,  if  it  would  glorify  him,  to  sweep  the  kennels.  It 
may  seem  strange  why  any  thus  interfered  in  our  affairs  ;  but 
our  undertaking  was  new,  and  quite  out  of  the  common  way. 
This  drew  all  sorts  of  company,  of  various  sects  and  denomi- 
nations. Some  loved  me,  and  wished  to  bring  me  over  to  what 
they  thought  the  better  way.  Others  were  moved  by  curiosity ; 
some  by  the  love  of  dispute,  "others  by  interest,  offering  their 
assistance ;  and  some,  perhaps,  by  that  spirit  which  the  seed 
of  the  serpent  will  always  manifest.  But  another,  and  perhaps 
the  chief  reason  was,  I  believe,  the  order  of  a  wise  and  gracious 
Providence.  I  was  called  to  walk  wholly  by  faith ;  indeed  it 
appeared  a  strange  call,  and,  humanly  speaking,  could  end  no 
way  but  in  a  prison.  I  was  therefore  permitted  to  have  every 
kind  of  discouragement,  and  to  be  brought  into  many  and  deep 
perplexities,  that  the  faithfulness  of  God  might  shine  more  con- 
spicuous, as  will  be  seen  in  the  sequel. 

But  to  return  to  the  children.  When  actual  sin  was  com- 
mitted at  any  time,  (minor  faults  were  generally  overlooked,) 
it  was  set  down  on  paper  by  sister  Tripp,  and  presented  in  a 
meeting  held  every  Friday  at  twelve  o'clock.  The  whole 
family  were  called  together  at  that  time,  and  after  praying  for 
the  light  and  presence  of  the  Lord,  we  entered  into  a  consulta- 
tion how  to  prevent  a  relapse  into  the  same  crime ;  and  that 
the  displeasure  of  the  Almighty  might  be  removed,  we  always 
endeavoured  to  make  our  reasons  appear  clear  before  we  either 
acquitted  or  condemned.  Very  frequently  there  appeared  a 
spirit  of  repentance,  so  that  the  exhortation  was  followed  by 
forgiveness.  We  then  spent  some  time  together  in  a  family 
meeting,  of  which  I  will  speak  more  particularly  in  another 
place. 

One  day  a  sweet  little  child,  about  seven  years  old,  (who  I 
hope  at  this  time  both  fears  and  loves  God,)  had  stolen  some- 
thing. We  consulted  what  must  be  done  to  prevent  a  repetition 
of  her  sin.  At  these  times  we  always  adapted  our  converea- 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  43 

tion  to  the  capacity  of  the  little  criminal.  One  said,  I  have 
read  in  the  Bible,  that  the  offending  member  ought  to  be  cut 
oft;  and  cast  away.  This  gave  rise  to  several  useful  reflec- 
tions ;  after  which  we  agreed  there  were  but  three  ways,  either 
to  cut  off  the  offender  from  the  family,  or  to  pray  to  God 
to  bring  her  to  repentance,  or  leave  her  in  her  sins.  After 
some  conversation  with  her,  the  second  was  agreed  on ;  and 
we  joined  in  prayer  that  the  Lord  would  graciously  interpose 
and  save  her.  The  meeting  being  that  day  in  the  evening 
instead  of  the  usual  time,  as  soon  as  it  was  over,  they  were 
sent  up  to  be  washed  in  order  to  go  to  bed.  (This  was  on 
June  the  7th,  1764.)  Betty  Lawrence,  about  eleven  years  old, 
had  been  much  affected  while  we  were  talking  to  H.  O.,  the 
child  above  mentioned.  She  had  shown  some  concern  a  few 
days  before,  when  I  was  speaking  of  the  spirituality  of  the 
commandments.  The  children  being  alone,  and  not  knowing 
they  were  overheard,  Betty  said,  "  Let  us  pray  for  Hannah's 
soul!"-  She  then  prayed  in  a  very  affecting  manner.  After- 
ward, one  about  eight  years  old  pleaded  much  for  the  forgive- 
ness of  Hannah's  sin ;  but  added,  Lord,  do  not  let  us  think  so 
much  about  her  sin  as  to  forget  our  own.  Lord,  do  not  let  us 
laugh  and  trifle,  and  talk  of  foolish  things  as  soon  as  we  rise 
off  our  knees ;  but  make  us  Christians.  Another  then  thanked 
God  for  their  good  corrections  and  teachings,  and  said,  If  we 
are  not  Christians,  we  shall  be  more  punished  than  others. 
After  some  time  sister  Tripp  went  in  to  see  them  to  bed  ;  but 
first  went  to  prayer  with  them  for  a  few  minutes.  The  spirit 
of  conviction  now  fell  on  Betty  Lawrence  in  an  extraordinary 
manner.  We  came  up,  and  found  her  in  a  great  agony ;  she 
was  the  very  picture  of  terror.  The  veins  of  her  neck  were  as 
if  they  would  burst.  She  wrung  her  hands,  and  cried  with  a 
bitter  cry,  O  my  sins  !  O  my  sins  !  I  believe  more  than  a  hun- 
dred times.  She  then  broke  out  into  such  a  confession  of  her 
original  corruption  and  actual  sins  as  quite  amazed  us  ;  adding, 
Oh !  I  have  never  done  any  thing  to  please  thee  in  all  my  life. 
I  have  broken  all  thy  laws ;  I  have  not  kept  thy  command- 
ments ;  Lord,  I  have  kept  the  devil's  commandments  !  May 
such  a  wretch  come  to  thee,  Lord  ?  Wilt  thou  receive  me, 
Lord  1  Wilt  thou  pardon  me  1  Wilt  thou  make  me  a  Christian  1 
Tell  me,  Lord,  shall  I  go  to  heaven  or  hell  1  Tell  me,  Lord, 
shall  I  go  to  heaven  or  hell "!  Wilt  thou  make  me  a  Christian  ? 
Wilt  thou  pardon  all  my  sins  1  She  then  paused  awhile,  her 
eyes  fixed  upward,  and  her  face  as  in  a  flame ;  then  added,  but 
with  a  softer,  voice,  Yes,  he  will,  he  will !  But  wilt  thou,  Lord  * 
Yes,  thou  wilt,  thou  wilt !  Mr.  Dornford  being  that  night  with 
us,  gave  out  a  hymn  ;  she  now  seemed  quite  calm  The  horror 
which  before  appeared  on  her  countenance  was  gone,  and  had 
left  a  sweet  smile.  After  remaining  some  time  in  this  posture, 


44  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  II. 

she  said,  Jesus  is  smiling  upon  me  !  She  afterward  told  us, 
she  had  a  view  as  of  Christ  upon  the  cross,  smiling  upon  her, 
and  saying,  "I  have  pardoned  all  your  sins,  and  if  you  pray,  I 
will  give  you  abundant  love."  She  then  broke  out,  Oh  !  what 
a  sweet  Saviour  lie  is  !  He  hath  forgiven  me  all  my  sins  !  All, 
all,  Lord  !  Thou  hast,  thou  wilt  forgive  them.  But,  O  Lord, 
let  them  be  perfectly  forgiven.  But  shall  I  ever  sin  again  ? 
Shall  I  ever  sin  again  1  Oh !  do  not  let  me  sin  again  !  Oh  ! 
what  a  sweet  Saviour  thou  art  !  What  sweet  love  is  thine  ! 
Oh  !  more  such  love  as  thine  !  more  such  love  as  thine  !  But 
do  not  let  me  sin  again !  Fill  me  with  love  that  I  may  not  sin 
again  !  We  were  the  more  surprised  at  this,  because  she  was 
a  child  of  a  remarkably  dull  apprehension,  and  had  no  liberty 
in  expressing  herself  on  any  subject.  But  striking  as  the  scene 
was,  (far  more  so  than  I  can  describe,)  it  was  nothing  to  the 
change  that  followed.  She  was  naturally  of  a  very  bad  tem- 
per, but  now  it  might  indeed, be  said, — 

".  Love  made  her  willing  feet 
In  swift  obedience  move." 

So  great  was  the  change,  in  both  understanding  and  will,  as 
plainly  declared  the  hand  that  had  wrought  it. 

The  Lord  was  pleased  at  this  season  to  give  his  word  success, 
both  among  the  people  who  attended  the  preaching,  and  in  the 
family.  But  our  house  was  too  strait,  and  needed  some  en- 
largement, and  a  good  deal  of  repairs.  It  therefore  occurred 
to  my  mind,  as  we  had  so  many  visitants,  to  take  another  step, 
and  put  up  a  poor's  box,  like  Professor  Francke,  in  Germany. 
But  I  found  some  difficulty.  I  thought  my  relations  will 
object  to  it ;  and,  in  short,  I  found  it  more  easy  to  give  than  to 
receive.  But  I  saw  the  order  of  God  in  the  plan,  and  that  was 
enough.  Accordingly,  we  put  it  up  in  the  hall,  with  this 
inscription,  "  For  the  maintenance  of  a  few  poor  orphans,  that 
they  may  be  brought  up  in  the  fear  of  the  Lord."  Difficulties 
now  began  to  gather  as  clouds  about  us.  Workmen  must  be 
paid ;  a  family  far  too  large  for  my  income  to  support ;  with  a 
variety  of  expenses  in  carrying  on  the  work,  assisting  their 
poverty,  &c.  One  day  it  was  suggested,  Surely  I  am  wrong ; 
God  will  not  appear  for  me  in  this  undertaking.  I  told  my 
mind  to,  some  friends,  who  said,  "This  is  the  very  thing  we 
always  saw  ;  you  will  find  in  the  end  it  is  all  a  delusion.  In 
two  or  three  years  you  will  turn  out  all  these  people  and  chil- 
dren to  the  wide  world ;  and  in  your  old  age  you  will  be  with- 
out the  necessaries  of  life."  I  heard  them  with  attention,  and 
only  replied,  "  If  it  be  a  delusion,  I  meant  well,  believing  it  to 
be  the  will  of  God." 

I  carried  it  to  the  Lord  in  prayer,  when  the  following  thought  s 
were  impressed  on  my  mind :  If  Christ  was  now  upon  earth, 
and  in' want  of  food  and  raiment,  should  I  be  afraid  to  give  him 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  45 

mine,  for  fear  of  wanting  it  myself?  Should  I  not  rather  say, 
Let  all  I  have  be  brought  out  as  a  sacrifice  to  my  Lord ;  he  is 
well  able  to  repay  me ;  and  if  he  do  not  see  it  best  to  do  so, 
then  let  us  suffer  together.  I  saw  the  case  with  the  poor  was 
the  same,  (as  far  as  he  had  called  me  to  help  them,)  and  that 
my  Lord  had  said,  Inasmuch  as  ye  have  done  it  unto  them,  ye 
have  done  it  unto  me !  Here  a  light  broke  into  my  mind, 
which  quite  satisfied  me,  and  dispeUed  every  cloud.  I  cried 
out,  "  Lord,  thy  will  is  enough !  Thou  hast  bid  me  love  my 
neighbour  as  myself;  be  it  so.  Their  wants  be  mine ;  my 
substance  theirs."  Rising  from  my  knees,  I  took  up  the  Bible, 
when  opening  on  Job,  chap,  xxii,  verse  23,  I  found  from  that 
verse  to  the  end  of  the  chapter,  several  parts  come  as  a  mes- 
sage from  Heaven.  "  If  thou  return  to  the  Almighty,  thou 
shalt  be  built  up,  thou  shall  put  away  iniquity  far  from  thy 
tabernacles.  Then  shalt  thou  lay  up  gold  as  the  dust,  and  the 
gold  of  Ophir  as  the  stones  of  the  brook.  Yea,  the  Almighty 
shall  be  thy  defence,  and  thou  shalt  have  plenty  of  silver.  Thou 
shalt  decree  a  thing,  and  it  shall  be  established  unto  thee ;  and 
the  light  shall  shine  on  thy  path."  These  words  were  wrote 
as  with  a  diamond  pen  upon  my  heart ;  and  in  all  my  trials  I 
could  never  give  up  the  confidence  I  then  received,  that  I  should 
one  day  see  them  accomplished. 

Sister  Ryan  one  day  said  to  me,  "  We  shall  have  such  a  sum 
to  pay  on  Saturday  night.  Had  we  not  better  borrow  it  of  such 
a  friend,  till  your  half  year  comes  in  V  We  attempted  so  to 
do,  but  were  disappointed.  Being  on  my  knees  at  prayer,  I 
opened  a  book  before  me  on  the  table,  and  cast  my  eyes  on. 
these  words,  "  Christ  charges  himself  with  all  your  temporal 
affairs,  while  you  charge  yourself  with  those  which  relate  to 
iiis  glory."  I  closed  my  eyes,  and  continued  praying ;  when 
to  the  eye  of  my  mind,  it  seemed  as  if  the  Lord  Jesus  stood  just 
by  me,  and  spoke  again  those  words  to  my  heart,  with  such  a 
power  as  wiped  away  every  care.  Before  I  got  off  my  knees, 
I  was  called  down  to  speak  to  a  man,  who  asked  for  me  ;  and 
who,  through  a  providence  too  long  to  repeat,  brought  me  just 
the  sum  I  wanted. 

The  box  began  now  to  be  helpful  to  us  ;  and  this  year,  in  the 
midst  of  our  great  expenses,  an  uncle  gave  me  two  hundred 
and  fifty  guineas.  Once,  on  opening  the  box,  we  found  a  guinea 
wrapt  up  in  a  letter ;  its  contents  were  as  follows : — 

"  MY  DEAR  CHILD, — With  much  pleasure  I  have  heard  of 
your  charitable  undertaking,  which  I  pray  God  to  bless  and  to 
succeed.  Be  never  discouraged,  though  Divine  providence 
should  exercise  you  at  times,  even  with  many  great  and  alarm- 
ing difficulties ;  for  this  is  frequently  the  way  in  which  God 
leads  his  children,  in  order  to  prove  their  faith  and  patience. 
But  even  suoposing  he  should  not  succeed  this  affair,  accord- 


46  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  II. 

ing-  to  your  present  plan,  yet  he  will  never  fail  to  bless  those 
who  sincerely  endeavour  to  promote  his  honour,  the  kingdom 
of  the  Lord  Jesue,  and  the  good  of  souls.  I  desire  you  will 
accept  the  enclosed,  and  that  you  would  set  me  down  an  annual 
contributor  of  the  same  sum.  May  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ  be 
with  all  of  us  !  Forget  us  not  in  your  prayers. 
"  I  am,  with  respect  and  regard, 

"  Your  very  affectionate  friend, 

"V.  P." 

In  another  paper  was  a  guinea  enclosed,  with  these  words  : 
*'  I  have  felt  your  burden,  and  should  be  thankful  you  had  more 
help.  But  perhaps  it  is  the  will  of  God  concerning  you,  to 
give  you  day  by  day  your  daily  bread.  I  pray  him  to  be  with 
you." 

Indeed  we  daily  experienced  many  mercies.  We  had  a 
household  as  a  flock  of  sheep.  Sometimes  when  we  were 
sitting  down  to  table,  that  word  would  come  sweetly  to  our 
minds : — 

"  Part  of  his  family  are  we, 
His  family  of  love." 

But  above  all  other  temporal  goods,  I  saw  the  blessing  of  my 
friend  Ryan.,,  It  would  have  been  impossible  for  me  to  have 
acted  this  part  alone ;  I  had  neither  grace  nor  ability  for  it ; 
but  the  Lord  gave  her  to  me  as  a  mother.  In  all  the  active 
part  of  this  undertaking,  she  was  the  main  spring.  It  is  true, 
the  light  in  forming  the  plans  was  given  to  me ;  but  had  it  not 
been  for  her  resolution  and  diligence,  they  would  never  have 
been  brought  into  execution.  Notwithstanding  her  ill  health, 
it  is  amazing  what  she  went  through,  both  in  overlooking  and 
working  with  her  own  hands.  She  was  truly  devoted  to  God ; 
and  though  I  saw  her  at  that  time  as  a  most  precious  gift  of 
Heaven  to  me,  I  was  not  sufficiently  sensible  of  her  inesti- 
mable worth. 

About  this  time  a  young  lady,  with  whom  I  had  been 
acquainted,  came  to  board  with  us.  After  residing  about  half 
a  year,  she  had  a  great  desire  to  make  a  new  will,  in  order  to 
leave  me  a  large  stun  of  money  ;  and  asked  me  to  recommend 
a  lawyer  to  do  it,  as  we  then  intended  to  visit  Bath.  I  told  her, 
I  could  not  see  it  right  that  she  should  do  so,  as  she  was  at  a 
distance  from  her  relations ;  had  not  sufficiently  proved  us ; 
and  might  afterward  change  her  mind.  But  my  strongest 
Objection  was,  she  had  told  me  that  in  her  present  will  she  had 
left  the  bulk  of  her  estate  (which  was  large)  to  charitable  Uses  ; 
ftnd  I  had  no  desire  to  monopolize  the  riches  of  another^since 
my  gracious  Lord  had  given  me  a  ready  mind  to  part  with  ali 
that  was  my  own.  She  had  two  children  under  her  care,  whom 
she  desired  should  be  brought  into  our  house ;  we  accordingly 
raqeived  them.  Several  other  expenses  we  entered  into  on  her 


PART   II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  47 

account ;  and  she  wrote  a  codicil  to  her  will,  leaving  me  two 
thousand  pounds,  adding,  if  she  lived  to  return  to  her  father  the 
following  spring,  she  should  do  much  more.  I  freely  consented 
to  the  codicil,  as  I  then  thought  it  but  reasonable,  my  expenses 
on  her  account  being  considerable.  But  in  October,  1766,  she 
grew  suddenly  very  ill,  and  her  death  seemed  near.  The  codi- 
.::!  then  lay  much  on  odr  minds.  I  thought  God's  cause  may 
be  rwf  cached  through  this  ;  and  what  is  two  thousand  pounds, 
or  two  Ijundretl  thousand,  when  compared  to  the  honour  of  my 
God?  Had  it  been  done  unknown  to  me,  I  should  not  have 
.scrupled  it.  But  as  I  had  consented,  I  thought  it  would  not  bo 
right  to  let  it  stand.  *  Sister  Ryan  thought  the  same.  We 
therefore  prevail?  on  her  to  let  us  burn  it.  She  was  very 
unwilling,  s%ing,  "  Had  I  lived  to  have  made  my  will,  I  should 
have  given  you  much  more^for  I  know  God  is  with  you." 

She  had  beA  somq|  years  awakened,  and  joined  to  the 
Methodist  society.  After  she  had  found  the  love  of  God,  she 
walked  in  the  way  of  self-denial  and  devotedness  to  God,  ac- 
cording to  4>er  clferest  light,  for  some  time  ;  and  was  in  many 
things  a^triking  pattern.  Hhe  then  sunk  into  a  state  of  con- 
flict, God  revealing  the  inbred  sin  of  her  heart ;  and  her  spirit 
bang  oppressed  ht  a  constant  bodily  disorder,  (supposed  to  be 
a  polypus  in  the  heart,)  she  often  lost  her  shield,  and  was  ready 
to  think  she  had  ireyer  had  any  work  of  God  on  her  soul.  About 
four  months  befSre  her  death,  Satan  assaulted  her  with  many 
temptations.  Sister  Ryan  advised  her  to  take  one  hour  every 
day  for  prayer,  whether  she  should- feel  power  attend  her  words 
or  not ;  adding,  My  seul  for  yours,  if  you  persevere,  you  shall 
shortly  s^P  the  salvation  of  God.  She  received  the  word  as 
from  the  Lord,  and  began  the  work  in  good  earnest,  but  to  her 
own  feeling  she  grew  darker  and  darker.  Nevertheless  we  could 
discern  a  change.  She  grew  more  open,  and  told  us  of  some 
snares  which  beset  her,  and  which  she  had  even  thought  of 
giving  way  iB,  adding,  sho  saw  herself  worse  and  worse,  till 
she  was  taken  with  her  last  illness,  which  continued  but  three 
days.  H«r  soul  seemed  then  very  dark,  and  greatly  did  she 
lament  the  loss  of  that  assurance  she  had  formerly  enjoyed. 
Yet  she  was  not  without  hope  ;  but  still  cried  out, ""  O  that  I 
had  but  lived  closer  to  God !  I  spe  I  have  not  used  my  privi- 
leges as,  I  ought.  O  what  a  work  have  I  now  to  do  !  O  it  is 

.  'trk  to  do  in  sickness, — it  is  bad  work  to  do  in  sick:: 
Sister  Ryan  said,  "  My  dear,  I  have  no  doubt  biK  that  God  wi^I 
finish  his  work."     "  O,"  replied  she,  "but  I  cannot  bdi< 
I  do  not  believe  it  for  myself.     O  sister  Ryan,  I  have 
thought  in  my  heart, — If  I  had  taken  a  certain  step,  to  have 
kid  the  blame  on  you ;  for  I  thought,  as  you  are  so  much  under 
reproach  among  the  halt-hearted,   I  should  be  more  readiiy 
<i,  and  now  that  stares  me  in  the  face."  Sometime  after 


48  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  H. 

she  said,  "  O  my  soul !  my  soul !  I  do  not  know  where  my  soul 
is  going!"  Sister  Ryan  said,  "My  dear,  I  believe  the  Lord 
will  come  to  your  help  this  night ;  I  feel  such  an  impression  of 
it,  I  think  I  must  sit  up  and  wrestle  for  you  all  night."  She 
looked  at  her,  and  was  silent.  A  few  minutes  after  she  cried 
put,  "  O  what  a  sweet  word  is  come  to  me  !  I  have  not  had 
soch  a  word  a  long  time.  When  you  said  you  would  stay  and 
wrestle  for  me  all  night,  I  found  a  little  comfort,  but  aqjv  it 
comes,  The  effectual  fervent  prayer  of  a  righteous  man  avail- 
eth  much.  We  were  greatly  affected,  and  set  by  her  in  solemn 
silent  prayer.  She  appeared  to  continue  in  a  waiting  posture 
for  about  half  an  hour,  when  she  broke  out  in  the  following 
manner,  (but  with  such  a  sweet  and  awful  reference  as  I  can- 
not express,)  "  O  now  I  know  I  shall  be  with  Christ  for  ever ! 
Yes,  I  shall,  I  shall  come  to  thee^Lord.  I  shall  be  with  thee 
for  ever !  O  for  ever !  for  ever !  for  evet-!  Yes  fi  shall  be  with 
thee  for  ever !"  After  recovering  her1  breath  §  little,  she 
addressed  herself  to  the  young  women  who  were  in  the  room, 
exhorting  them  to  know  and  use  their  privileges.  ^You  are," 
said  she,  "  in  a  good  situation,  you'  will  never  be  in  19  better. 

0  my  dears,  be  open,  be  open  !     Cover  no  temptation,  and  be 
all  in  earnest.     I  was  a  fool,  and  a  double  fool,  that  I  did  not 
jive  closer  to  God,  and  use  more  self-dentil.     I  see  great 
degrees  of  glory  I  have  lost."  After  a  little  rest,  she  said,  "O ! 
how  good  is  God !  If  I  had  strength  I  would  write  it  all.  How 
vile  I  have  been,  and  what  a  salvation  I  now  feel !"    Then 
turning  to  me,  she  added,  "  But  sister  Bosanquet,  do  it ;  and  I 
charge  you  cover  nothing ;  in  particular  my  unkind  thoughts  of 
sister  Ryan.-   I  charge  you,  I  charge  you ! — Well,"  she  ad,ded, 
'  I  shall  see  yoii  all  in  heaven.     I  trust  I  shall  see,  I  know  I 

shall'  see  you  there.  O  take  courage,  my  dear,  take  courage ; 
do  not  be  cast  down  at  the  difficulties  of  your  situation.  Fear 
nobody  ;  God  will  stand  by  you.  O  he  will  take  care  of  this 
family."  About  ten  o'clock  at  night  she  said,  "  I  shall  be  happy  ! 

1  know  I  shall  be  as  happy  as  I  am  capable  of  being  !     But  I 
see  great  degrees  of  glory  I  have  stopped  short  of.  I  O  that  I 
had  laid  up  more  treasure  in  heaven !"     She  then  cried  out, 
"  O  my  money  !  my  cursed  money  !  what  an  account  shall  I 
have  to  give  of  that !     But  Jesus  has  washed  away  all."     This 
seemed  the  more  strange,  as  she  had  from  the  first  been  a  most 
liberal  giver.     But  she  explained  herself  to  mean,  with  respect 
to  the  choice  of  objects  which  she  had  laid  it  out  upon.     She 
lamented  much  she  had  not  altered  her  will,  saying,  "  I  vish 
you  had  ten  or  twelve  thousand  pounds.    I  know  it  would glo» 
rify  God,  and  if  I  were  able,  I  would  do  it  now.     But  God1  will 
take  care  of  you."   We  left  her  a  few  hours  in  the  night,  when 
she  said  to  the  sisters  who  sat  up  with  her,  "  Give  me  pen  and 
paper,  I  eannot  die  easy,  unless  I  write  something  of  my  mir.d 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  49 

concerning  sister  Bosanquet  having  the  two  thousand  pounds. 
She  did  so,  which  was  a  striking  instance  of  her  love.  This 
paper  I  saw  it  right  not  to  destroy,  and  informed  her  relations 
of  it ;  but  it  was  not  regarded,  and  we  were  well  contented. 
About  twelve,  the  next  day  she  seemed  to  change  for  death,  and 
appeared  just  gone.  I  said,  "  Is  Jesus  precious  1"  She  did  not 
answer.  One  present  observed,  "  Perhaps  she  is  not  sensible." 
After  a  few  minutes  she  came  to  herself,  and  smiling,  said, 
"  Yes,  I  was  sensible ;  but  just  as  you  spoke,  I  had  a  great 
struggle  with  Satan ;  at  last  these  words  were  spoke,  as  if ' 
through  my  heart : — 

'  Nature's  last  agony  is  o'er, 
And  cruel  sin  subsists  no  more. 

But  yet  I  do  not  know  that  the  work  is  done.  But  I  know  it 
will  be  done.  I  am  sure  God  will  finish  his  work.  Yes,  I  think 
I  can  believe.  Yes,  I  will  hold  the  Lord  to  his  promise."  She 
continued  much  the  same  for  six  hours,  now  and  then  saying, 
"  I  know  he  will  finish  his  work.  But  I  do  not  know  it  is  done. 
Yet  is  there  any  sin  1  I  do  not  know  there  is.  Sometimes  I 
feel,"  said  she,  with  a  smile,  "  as  if  I  did  not  like  to  leave  you 
all ;  is  that  sin  ?  I  do  not  know  that  it  is."  She  added,  "  When 
f  am  dying,  if  J  cannot  speak,  ask  me  any  question,  and  if  I 
mean  yes,  I  wul  hold  up  my  hand,  for  I  would  wish  to  praise 
God  to  the  last."  In  the  evening  she  seemed  just  departing. 
One  present  said,  "  Is  your  soul  in  peace  ?"  She  did  not  make 
the  sign.  I  said,  "Are  you  sensible,  love?"  She  held  up  her 
hand.  Sometime  after,  we  said,  "Is  all  clear  now?"  She 
lifted  up  both  her  hands  above  her  head.  Sister  Crosby  said, 
•'  The  blood  of  Jesus  hath  cleansed  you  from  all  sin."  She 
lifted-them  up  again,  and  smiled  with  such  an  expression  of 
joy  as  I  cannot  describe.  She  appeared  as  in  a  rapture,  and 
strove  much  to  speak,  but  we  could  only  understand  that  word, 
"  He  is  my  only  portion."  Then  throwing  herself  back,  she 
lifted  up  her  eyes,  and  spreading  her  hands  with  great  delight, 
made  many  signs  upward.  I  said,  "  Is  glory  open  before  you?" 
She  lifted  up  her  hands  pointing  with  one  finger,  and  strove  to 
speak,  but  we  could  only  make  out  the  word  "  Glory ;"  but  the 
joy  of  her  countenance  was  beyond  all  words,  and  in  this  pos- 
ture she  in  one  moment  breathed  her  last. 

Such  a  sense  of  God  and  glory  rested  on  us,  as  I  cannot 
describe.  For  several  days  it  seemed  to  me  as  if  I  was  qpn- 
tinually  sensible  of  the  presence  of  the  heavenly  spirits ;  ^nd 
1  .«Q  slender  did  the  veil  appear  which  divides  the  church  militant 
from  that  which  is  triumphant,  that  I  saw  myself  as  surrounded 
with  the  innumerable  company,  and  as  if  I  heard  them  hail  the 
happy  saint  on  her  arrival,  in  these  words,  which  followed  me 
continually : — 


50  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  II. 

Ah!  what  were  all  thy  sufferings  here, 

Since  Jesus  counts  thee  meet 
With  that  enraptured  host  t'  appear, 

And  worship  at  his  feet?* 

Some  time  after  this  one  of  our  young  women  had  a  desire  to 
take  a  journey,  which  we  thought  would  be  dangerous  to  her, 
and  warned  her  much  to  beware  of  the  love  of  the  world. 
Several  nights  she  had  had  remarkable  dreams,  warning  her  to 
beware  that  no  man  took  her  crown.  We  told  her  all  our 
fears ;  and  in  particular  to  watch  against  the  love  of  money. 
She  said,  "  My  light  is  so  clear,  that  if  I  now  do  any  thing 
unbecoming  my  profession,  I  shall  be  guilty,  and  doubly  guilty." 
Sister  Ryan  said,  "  I  feel  I  cannot  give  you  up,  but  I  am  led  to 
entreat  the  Lord,  if  you  should  be  about  to  depart  from  him, 

*  This  glorious  scene  will  be  accompanied  with  some  pain  to  pious  reader?, 
and  in  some  it  will  excite  much  curiosity.  It  will  be  asked,  what  were  those 
"  snares"  that  induced  so  strong  a  temptation,  in  such  a  devoted  mind,  thus  to 
deviate  from  truth  and  love,  according  to  the  above  agonizing  confession.  I 
cannot  gratify  such  inquirers.  Mrs.  Fletcher  thought  it  her  duty  to  record  the  fact, 
and  I  have  thought  it  my  duty  to  let  it  appear  :  but  I  know  no  more.  One  thing 
is  plain :  Miss  Lewen  did  not  fall  into  the  temptation ;  but  it  is  also  plain,  she  did 
not  resist  it,  steadfast  in  the  faith.  Hence  her  deep  sense  of  her  evil  nature, 
in  having  listened  to  it  for  a  moment.  When  heavenly  purity  shone  upon  her 
soul,  and  that  she  found  that  purity  was  just  about  to  be  bestowed  upon  her  for 
ever,  how  dreadful  appeared  the  mental  deviation !  If  we^hay  hazard  a  'con- 
jecture, was  it  not  some  attachment  of  a  worldly  nature,  on  account  of  which  she 
was  tempted,  and  felt  an  answerable  inclination,  to  depart  from  a  commu- 
nity so  strictly  evangelical  t  That  thought  was,  perhaps,  presented  to  her,  viz. 
That  that  very  strictness  would  excuse  her  to  "the  half-hearted;"  and  that  to 
Mrs.  Ryan  would  be  chiefly  imputed  the  rigidity  which  had  forced  her  from  this 
retreat  This  was  probably  the  root  of  that  agonizing  conviction ;  especially 
when  she  saw  that  the  person  whom  she  had  thought  of,  as  thus  to  have  borne 
her  sin,  was  ready  to  risk  her  own  tender  life  to  help  her  through  her  last  con- 
flict !  Miss  Lewen,  however,  overcame  at  last ;  and  verified  Mr.  Wesley's  ac- 
count of  her. — See  his  Journal :  (Works,  vol.  iv :)  "  Friday,  the  31st  October,  at 
my  return  to  London,  I  found  it  needful  to  hasten  to  Laytonstone.  But  I  came  too 
iate.  Miss  Lewen  died  the  day  before,  after  an  illness  of  five  days.  Some  hours 
uetbre  she  witnessed  that  good  confession, — 

'  Nature's  last  agony  is  o'er. 
And  cruel  sin  subsists  no  more.1 

So  died  Margaret  Lewen,  a  pattern  to  all  young  women  of  fortune  in  Eng- 
land ;  a  real  Bible  Christian.  So  she  rested  from  her  labours,  and  her  works 
do  follow  her." 

Mrs.  Ryan  was,  as  Mrs.  Fletcher  has  said,  "a  sickly,  persecuted  saint"  She 
was  poor,  (though  not  destitute,)  and  hence  was  more  liable  to  be  the  butt  of  the 
half-hearted.  Miss  Bosanquet,  her  twin  soul,  was  a  lajly  of  birth  and  fortune, 
»nd  on  that  account,  rather  too  Inrge  for  their  grasp.  Mrs.  Ryan  proved  the  whole 
of  the  eight  beatitudes,  as  appears  from  Mr.  Wesley's  account  of  her  in  the 
Armixian  Magazine,  and  from  his  admirable  letters  to  her.  (See  his  Works,  voJ.^ 
i vi.)  In  one  of  them  he  says,  "  It  is  expedient  for  you  to  go  through  both  evil 
and  good  report.  The  conversing  with  you  either  by  speaking  or  writing,  is  an 
unspeakable  blessing  to  me.  I  cannot  think  of  you  without  thinking  of  Ortxfe 
Others  often  lead  me  to  him,  but  it  is,  as  it  were,  going  round  about.  You  bring 
»e  straight  into  his  preaenee." — ED, 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  51 

that  he  would  cut  short  the  thread  of  your  life,  and  take  you 
to  himself,  and  I  believe  Jie  has  heard  me."  She  had  not  been 
from  us  many  days,  before  the  golden  baits  of  pleasure  and 
profit  began  to  gain  lustre  in  her  eyes,  and  the  little  spark  of 
light  and  life  to  decline  out  of  her  soul:  The  Lord  stept  in, 
Jaid  her  on  the  bed  of  death,  and  gave  her  to  acknowledge  she 
had  left  the  fountain  head  of  bliss,  and  stooped  to  creature 
happiness.  She  was  very  desirous  to  see  us,  if  it  could  have 
been ;  but  a  dear  child  of  God  attended  her  constantly,  and 
wrestled  much  with  God  in  her  behalf.  A  little  before  her 
death  she  declared,  "  The  Lord  hath  forgiven  me.  I  shall  be 
saved,  but  I  shall  suffer  loss."  Repeating  the  name  of  Jesus, 
her  spirit  returned  to  God,  just  four  weeks  from  that  day  on 
which  she  left  our  house.* 

"  Oh !  what  is  death  ?  :tis  life's  last  shore, 
Where  vanities  are  vain  no  more." 

In  the  beginning  of  the  year  1767,  the  Lord  was  pleased  to 
exercise  us  with  some  little  trials  of  another  kind.  Various 
reproaches  were  cast  upon  us.  It  was  confidently  affirmed,  1 
had  forced  the  before-mentioned  young  lady  (Miss  Lewen)  to 
make  a  will  when  she  was  dying,  and  leave  me  all  her  estate, 
and  that  I  had  thus  wronged  her  relations.  Some  religious 
professors  said  that  I  had  wronged  the  poor ;  and  that  I  had 
killed  my  friend  by  rigorous  mortification :  that  I  had  driven 
her  into  despair,  and  caused  her  to  die  in  darkness :  with  :i 
variety  of  stories  as  ridiculous  as  false.  The  truth  is,  I  had  not 

fained  one  penny  by  her,  but  was  many  pounds  out  of  pocket, 
fowever,  these  accounts  were  so  industriously  spread,  and  even 
to  distant  parts,  that  a  gentleman  from  a  place  about  a  hundred 
miles  off,  told  me  some  years  after,  he  verily  believed,  had  I 
walked  through  that  town  at  one  time,  the  mob  would  have 
stoned  me  !  But  the  Lord  is  a  God  of  judgment,  and  by  hint 
actions  are  weighed. 

A  little  time  before  this  the  Lord  was  pleased  to  remove  my 
dear  parents.  My  father  had  a  long  and  painful  illness  of  three 
years ;  and  my  mother  lived  but  nine  months  after.  I  was  now 
permitted  to  be  a  good  deal  with  them.  One  day  my  dear 
horfgured  father  spoke  to  me  with  great  tenderness  concerning 
some  of  my  former  trials,  and  expressed  much  sorrow  that  my 
fortune  was  not  left  as  much  in  rhy  power  as  that  of  the  other 
children, — saying,  "  If  you  desire  it,  I  will  alter  my  will  now. 
But  your  uncle  knows  my  mind ;  and  if  you  marry  a  man  to 

*  Was  not  this  extraordinary  dispensation  an  instance  of  what  St.  John  calb 
„  a.  ain  unto  death, — a  sin  \vhi'  ;  God  punishes  by  the  death  of  the  body  ?  It  was 
not  a  little  thing  in  his  sight,  to  leave  such  a  house,  without  a  special  call  of  his 
providence,  'those,  however,  who  form  and  govern  such  a  house,  should  beware 
of  any  approach  to  the  confinement  of  the  cloister.  There  was  nothing  of  thai 
kind  here. — ED. 


52  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  II. 

make  you  happy,  it  is  all  I  wish. .  I  do  not  care  whether  he  has 
money  or  not.  But  whether  you  marry  or  not,  you  ought  to 
have  your  fortune  as  well  as  the  rest.  If  you  desire  it  I  will 
have  it  so  altered ;"  with  many  more  expressions  of  paternal 
affection,  which,  though  I  do  not  think  it  proper  to  insert  them 
here,  will  ever  have  a  place  in  my  heart.  I  begged  him  to 
make  himself  quite  easy,  and  not  to  attempt  the  alteration  of 
any  thing ;  as  I  saw  it  must  greatly  disturb  his  peace,  for  seve- 
ral reasons.  I  assured  him  I  saw  myself  safe  in  the  hands  of 
my  heavenly  Father,  and  knew  I  should  never  want  any  thing 
that  was  for  my  good ;  and  that  if  I  was  favoured  with  seeing 
the  salvation  of  his  soul,  I  had  no  more  to  ask  :  God  would  take 
care  of  me.  I  was  led  thus  to  speak.  From  what  he  had  said 
to  me,  however,  I  expected  to  have  found  in  his  will  far  less 
than  he  had  really  given  me. 

Immediately  after  the  death  of  my  father,  my  dear  mother 
entered  into  her  last  illness.  I  found  much  love  to  her,  and  of 
consequence  much  pain.  She  expressed  a  tender  kindness 
toward  me  during  her  illness,  and  showed  her  tender  care,  by 
augmenting  the  sum  my  father  had  left  me. 

During  the  illness  of  my  dear  parents,  I  suffered  much,  not 
only  for  them,  but  for  my  weak  friend  at  home,  and  the  weight 
of  so  great  a  family.  Her  increasing  illness  was  an  unspeak- 
able exercise  to  me.  She  had  some  time  before  been  brought 
near  to  death,  but  many  promises  of  recovery  were  then  brought 
to  her  mind  with  power ;  and  after  being  so  reduced  as  to  be 
given  over,  she  recovered  as  it  were  suddenly,  and  beyond  all 
expectation,  and  remained  in  pretty  good  health  for  a  year. 
But  now  she  grew  daily  worse  ;  and  for  three  years  her  suffer- 
ings were  great  and  frequent.  I  plainly  saw  she  decayed  fast, 
and  all  my  nature  shrunk  at  the  thought  of  being  left  alone  at 
the  head  of  such  an  undertaking ;  and  what  added  to  my  trial, 
we  had  increased  our  family  with  some  whose  spirit  did  not  suit 
our  house,  so  that  jars  and  a  divided  interest  sometimes  arose, 
which  till  very  lately  we  had  not  known.  But  the  heaviest  of 
all  my  yokes,  was  the  gallhig  yoke  of  unbelief.  I  remembered 
the  time  when  I  could  say,  "Unbelief  has  not  a  place  in  my 
soul  to  set  its  foot  upon."  But  now  I  had  slipped  back  ^>m 
that  constant  act  of  faith.  I  had  admitted  cares  and  fears,^and 
by  insensible  degrees  I  was  sunk  again  into  my  own  wjll,  and 
the  strivings  of  evil  tempers.  Indeed,  there  was  a  confidence, 
a  degree  of  union  with  God,  which  I  never  totally  losfegieither 
did  his  fear  depart  out  of  my  heart ;  yet  I  had  inwardly  0»parted 
from  that  pure  love  which  I  possessed.  I  had  left  off  to  delight 
myself  in  God,  as  heretofore,  and  accepted  of  many  other  things 

*  Was  this  painful  state,  heaviness  through  manifold  temptations,  (I  Peter 
i,  6,)  or  a  real  departure  from  the  Lord  7  I  believe  some  things  that  follow,  will 
incline  the  serious  reader  to  conclude  it  was  the  former.— ED. 


PART  II.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  53 

in  his  place ;  so  that  my  trials  were  greater  than  I  can  well 
describe. 

One  day  as  I  was  attending  my  sick  friend,  almost  incon- 
solable, she  said,  "  My  dear,  1  hardly  know  how  to  rejoice  in 
the  prospect  of  death,  because  I  see  no  way  for  you.  I  shall 
leave  you  in  the  hands  of  enemies,  but  God  will  stand  by  you." 
I  said,  "  My  dear  love,  can  you  think  of  any  way  for  me  ?  It 
is  sometimes  presented  to  my  mind,  that  I  should  be  called  to 
marry  Mr.  Fletcher."*  She  replied,  "  I  like  him  the  best  of 
any  man,  if  ever  you  do  take  that  step.  But  unless  he  should 
be  of  a  very  tender  disposition  toward  you,  you  would  not  be 
happy :  but  God  will  direct  you."  It  pleased  God,  however,  in 
a  measure  to  remove  her  disorder  again ;  so  that  for  some  months 
she  was  enabled  to  act  as  a  leader  and  a  helper  among  us. 

We  were  now  pretty  well  settled ;  our  meetings  were  quiet 
and  comfortable ;  the  number  of  hearers  increased,  and  some 
of  our  little  flock  were  gone  triumphantly  to  glory.  My  income 
being  now  larger,  I  thought  a  more  easy  path  lay  before  me ; 
and  I  found  much  attachment  to  the  place.  Yet  we  were 
sickly,  and  the  house  was  too  small  for  such  a  family  as  ours. 
We  had  no  land  to  it,  (mine  being  all  let  oft'  before  to  the  other 
house,)  and  not  having  cows,  such  a  number  of  children  occa- 
sioned much  inconvenience.  Frequently  I  was  advised  to 
remove  into  some  part  of  Yorkshire,  and  take  a  farm ;  that  other- 
wise it  was  impossible  to  bring  up  the  children  to  every  branch 
of  needful  business  ;  and  that  my  income  would  go  as  far  again 
in  such  a  situation.  I  must  here  observe,  though  my  income 
was  increased,  it  was  still  not  equal  to  our  expenses,  which  were 
great  on  many  accounts :  I  had  also  undertaken,  in  union  with 
the  young  lady  before  mentioned,  some  charitable  affairs,  which 
now  all  fell  on  me,  and  many  of  them  I  could  not  throw  off  for 
some  years.  The  box  did  not  yield  us  as  much  by  half  as  in 
the  first  year ;  for  like  the  manna  in  the  wilderness,  which 
ceased  when  the  Israelites  got  corn,  so  that  provision,  which 

*  The  pious  readep  will  not  be  displeased  to  see  that  such  an  impression  was 
made  on  such  a  mind,  .preceding  the  union  of  that  admirable  couple.  The 
impression  was  mutual.  In  a  letter  from  Mr.  Fletcher  to  Mr.  Charles  Wesley, 
(see  Mr.  Fletcher's  Works,  vol.  vii,)  we  find  the  following  sentiments:  "You 
ask  mft  a  very  singular  question, — 1  sliitll  answer  it  with  a  smile,  as  I  supposed 
you  asked  it.  You  might  have  remarked,  that  for  some  days  before  I  set  off  for 
Madsley,  I  considered  matrimony  witli  a  ditFerent  eye  to  what  I  had  done ;  and 
the  person,  who  then  presented  herself  to  my  imagination  was  Miss  Bosanquet. 
HIT  image  Jprsued  me  for  some  hours  the  last  day,  and  that  so  warmly,  that  I 
should,  perhaps,  have  lost  my  peace,  if  a  suspicion  of  the  truth  of  Juvenal's  proverb, 
Veniunt  a  dote  sigfcte,  (The  arrows  come  from  the  portion,  rather  than  from  the 
lady.)  had'not  made  me  blush,  fi-jht,  and  flee  to  Jesus,  who  delivered  me  at  the 
same  moment  from  her  image,  and  tlie  ide^of  marriage."  There  will  be  some 
regret,  perhaps,  felt,  that  a  long  and  suffering  time  should  intervene  before  that 
.  union.  But  it  was  all  ordered  for  the  good  of  both, — for  an*eternal  union,— -Jor 
Hit  marriage  of  the  Lamb ! — ED. 

5* 


54  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  If. 

had  been  exceedingly  useful  to  us,  seemed  now  to  be  suspended. 
Yet  I  felt  very  averse  to  the  thought  of  business ;  I  feared  the 
armour  I  had  not  proved,  and  thought  I  should  perhaps  lose 
the  little  maintenance  I  had,  rather  than  gain  more. 

One  day,  my  friend  being  a  little  better,  and  all  things  at  that 
time  pretty  comfortable,  my  own  heart  being  also  drawn  with 
an  unusual  sweetness  toward  the  Lord,  I  was  walking  in  the 
garden, — when  looking  round  me,  it  appeared  as  a  paradise.  I 
thought  how  sweet  is  my  situation !  I  dwell  among  my  own 
people,  a  few  who  love  me,  and  whom  I  love.  The  family  is 
getting  more  and  more  as  I  could  wish ;  and  as  to  our  circum- 
stances, I  can  freely  trust  my  God  farther  than  I  can  see,  so 
that  all  my  care  on  him  is  cast,  and  here  I  hope  to  end  my  days. 
Immediately  a  thought  presented  itself,* — But  suppose  God 
should  call  you  from  this  place ;  and  there  should  be  yet  some 
bitter  cups  for  you  to  drink  1  I  started  at  the  thought ;  but  said, 
Give  me  power  to  say,  Thy  will  be  done. 

About  this  time  Richard  Taylor  came  from  Yorkshire,  beiMg 
driven  from  thence  by  misfortunes.  He  left  a  wife  and  young 
family,  and  came  to  London  in  hopes  of  settling  with  his 
creditors.  Sister  Crosby  (who  was  now  a  member  of  my 
family)  had  known  him  in  Yorkshire,  and  Mr.  Dornford  and 
Mr.  Murlin  recommended  him  to  me,  and  proposed  his  staying 
for  a  time  at  our  house.  He  seemed  (and  I  believe  he  then 
was)  a  devoted  man.  We  were  much  interested  in  his  behalf. 
When  we  sa|  down  to  dinner,  the  thought  that  his  wife  and 
children  were  in  trouble  and  distress,  would  often  so  overwhelm 
him,  he  could  not  take  a  morsel.  He  appeared  a  man  of  prayer, 
and  one  of  the  excellent  of  the  earth. 

Various  circumstances  occurred  which  seemed  plainly  to  call 
us  to  seek  another  habitation,  and  Yorkshire  was  the  place  most 
likely.  Yet  such  a  call  did  not  seem  desirable  to  me.  '  My 
reason  se.emed-to  point  that  way;  my  inclination  was  to' remain 
where  I  then  was.  One  morning,  however,  as  I  was  reading  in 
my  turn  to  the  family,  I  came  to  these  words,  "  Come  out  from 
thy  kindred  and  thy  country,  and  come  into  »  land  whicn  I/will 
show  thee."  I  felt  myself  penetrated  with  resignation,  I  felt 
my  strong  attachment  to  the  place,  as  being  the  plate  of  my' 
birth,  quite  removed,  and  I  seemed  free  to  follow  .the  Wading  of 
the  Spirit  of  God  to  any  corner  of  the  earth. f 

My  friend  and  I  began  seriously  to  consider  whether  *pur 
work  was  not  done  at  Laytonstone :  whether.  affei^pfodiAg 
about  five  years  at  this  place,  we  were'  noj  V>w  jdjBd^'.to 
another  spot.  A  physician  had  told  us,  if  tjierc  ^re  Myhopes 
of  sister  Ryan's  recovery,  it  would  be  by  *  journej£  «ciha  'bad 

%  '-•"•v*1 

*  Itis  by  no  means  clear  that  this  vas  froip  fte  Lortlr^-EEj,^.  i  * 
t  Whether  thierleading  was  really  of  the  Spirit  of  Gg4  or.  «ovW 
to  him  made  her  more  than  conqueror  *+£&*  - 

"*••*»»       «*    '» 


PART  II.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  55 

unexpectedly  recovered  at  Bath  before,  and  it  might  be  so  again. 
At  this  time  she  was  very  bad.  I  objected  however  to  the 
moving  her  in  so  weak  a  condition  ;  to  which  she  answered, 
"  If  the  Lord  see  fit  to  spare  me,  probably  that  is  to  be  the  means 
of  raising  me  up  ;  and  if  he  has  otherwise  determined,  I  should 
be  glad  to  see  you  settled  first  ;  for  if  you  are  left  without  me 
here,  I  think  you  will  have  great  difficulty,  from  several  circum- 
stances ;  and  probably  such  an  exchange  of  place  and  situation 
would  put  it  in  your  power  to  alter  and  remove  those  difficulties." 

My  relations  and  Christian  friends  seemed  all  to  approve,  and 
we  believed  our  way  was  plain  for  taking  a  journey  to  Leeds, 
and  some  adjacent  places,  in  order  to  judge  better  whether  they 
were  suitable,  and  whether  we  could  meet  with  a  habitation  that 
would  answer  our  great  family. 

Accordingly,  on  June  the  seventh,  1768,  1  set  out  with  my 
friend  Ryan,  and  sister  Crosby.  Brother  Taylor,  who  was  now 
to  return  home,  accompanied  us  on  horseback.*  It  may  be 

*  All  those  who  have  read  with  pious  interest,  the  beginning  and  progress  of 
the  house  of  God  at  Laytonstone,  must  regret  its  dissolution.  Had  it  been 
favoured  with  any  successors  of  the  same  spirit,  we  might  rejoice  that  those  who 
had,  as  the  salt  of  the  earth,  been  the  savour  of  life  to  that  people,  were  about  to 
season  other  places.  But  that  was  not  the  case.  There  were  no  such  successors  ; 
and  it  is  by  no  means  clear,  that  there  was  such  a  call  of  Divine  providence,  as 
was  sufficient  to  justify  these  chosen  instruments  in  departing  from  a  place  so 
divinely  visited,  and  in  dissolving  an  establishment  so  owned  of  the  Lord.  Mr. 
Wesley's  sentiments  concerning  that  establishment,  are  very  decisive.  In  his 
Journal  (see  his  Works,  vol.  iv,)  he  says,  "Thursday,  December  12,  1765,  1  rode 
over  to  Laytonstone,  and  found  one  truly  Christian  family.  This  is  what  that  at 
Kingswood  should  be,  and  would,  if  it  had  such  governors."  Again,  (i  Thurs- 
day, February  12,  1767,  I  preached  at  Laytonstone.  Oh  what  a  house  of  God 
is  here  !  Not  only  for  decency  and  order,  but  for  the  life  and  power  of  religion. 
1  am  afraid  there  avc  very  few  such  to  be  found  in  all  the  king's  dominions."  — 
Ought  not  the  call  to  be  clear,  and  even  imperative,  that  led  to  the  dissolution  ot 
soch  a  house'!  We  have  indeed  heard  the  blessed  woman  wh<}  was  at  the  head 
of  it,  observing  with  grief,  '"We  had  increased  our  establishment  with  some 
whose  spirit  did  not  suit  our  house,  so  that  jars  and  a  divided  interest  arose.1' 
And  could  she  think  the  devil  had  fallen  asleep,  or  that  he  would  not  take  the  old 
way,  —  that  he  would  not  sow  tares  among  the  wheatl  Such  persons  should  have 
i.-.issed,  after  all  long-suffering  had  been  manifested.  We  should  add  tu 
{  our  loving  faith,  courage,  knowing  for  whom  we  are  to  act.  As  this  way,  it 
spans,  wpsnot  taken,  we  r;iun.  t  wonder  that  the  leaven  should  win  its  way,  and 

cloud  pyerspread  the  once  illuminated  mansion.     In  such  a  dork  day,  it  is  no 

IKS  and  fi'.-trs"  should  assault  her  devoted  heart,  so  that  she 

•liZrdly  knerv  her  own  state,  and  had  almost  given  up  her  confidence.     A  in'w 

'  open,  of  which  Mr.  Taylor  was  the  harbinger,  —  a  way  BO  entangled 

::>,  that  there  seemed,  at  length,  hardly  any  hope  of  deliver- 

anc^     tin  t/iestord  knuireth  how  to  deliver  the  godly  out  of  temptation: 

and 


•  •  "Darkly  safe  with  God,  thy  soul 
FJjs  -arm  still  onward  bears', 
,.  Till  through  each  tempest,  on  the  whole, 
j§!f  •  3^gea*«.diviiie  appears!" 

his'Way<fte'-%b)«*seA^esn!t.     The  Lord  turned  her  captivity,  and  filled  her 
vutp,  tcM  laiisUff,  and  her'ton^ut<Kith  praise.  —  ED, 

'•"" 


56  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  II. 

supposed  we  had  a  troublesome  journey  and  aching  hearts,  for 
my  dear  sister  Ryan  was  so  ill  as  to  be  carried  in  arms  in  and 
out  of  the  chaise,  and  to  be  watched  with  every  night ;  and  the 
bringing  down  so  large  a  family  two  hundred  miles,  was  attended 
with  no  little  difficulty.  We  went  first  to  Mr.  Taylor's  wife's 
parents,  where  we  found  a  family  of  serious  persons.  The  old 
man  and  woman  were  patterns  of  industry  and  seriousness ;  and 
the  wife  a  person  with  whom  I  found  much  fellowship  of  spirit. 
We  stayed  with  them  seven  weeks,  until  we  could  find  a  house 
which  for  the  present  would  suit  our  purpose, — which  we  at 
length  did  at  Gildersom,  in  the  West  Riding  of  Yorkshire. 

My  dear  companion  now  began  to  sink  daily ;  but  as  the 
account  of  her  last  scene  is  included  in  her  life,  I  will  not  enter 
into  any  particulars  of  it  here,  only  add,  that  on  the  seventeenth 
of  August,  1768,  she  experienced,  in  reality,  what  she  had  seen 
in  her  dream,  viz.  that 

"  He  would  kiss  her  raptured  soul  away." 

She  departed  this  life  in  the  forty-fourth  year  of  her  age. 

Thus  passed  the  dreaded  moment  which  I  had  for  seven  years 
so  painfully  apprehended.  But  she  had  often  in  her  illness 
said  to  me,  "  My  dear  friend,  I  have  obtained  for  you  of  the 
Lord  that  you  shall  not  be  overcome  of  sorrow ;  therefore  fear 
not,  for  I  know  he  heard  me."  Her  prayer  was,  in  a  great 
degree,  answered  ;  I  was  not  overcome  of  sorrow.  The  thought 
of  her  long  suffering,  and  present  happiness,  much  alleviated  the 
bitter  cup,  which  I  had  tasted  of  occasionally  for  some  years. 
My  great  affliction  did  not  come  at  once.  The  Lord  treated 
me  as  we  do  a  child ;  he  put  one  thing  into  my  hand  to  .take 
awty  another.  I  thought  I  saw  some  comfortable  prospects 
before  me  in  life,  and  a  veil  was  drawn  over  the  many  and  great 
crosses  which  were  to  follow.  I  prayed  I  might  be  kept  close 
to  the  will  of  God,  and  preserved  from  turning  to  the  right  hand 
or  to  the  left,  now  that  I  had  lost  my  spiritual  mother.  But  I 
did  not  wisli  to  die ;  neither  could  I  get  my  heart  into  that 
spiritual  frame  I  had  enjoyed  in  the  year  1762,  and  therefore 
being  mingled  with  earth,  I  felt  all  my  ties  were  not  cut  through. 
I  had  sometimes  conversed  with  her  on  the  subject  of  departed 
spirits  having  communion  with  us,  and  she  used  to  say,  "  If  it 
be  the  will  of  my  heavenly  Father,  I  should  rejoice  to  commu- 
nicate some  comfort  to  you,  either  in  a  dream  or  any  other 
way."  But  I  never  had  even  the  slightest  remembrance  of  her 
in  any  dream  for  some  months,  though  she  possessed  so  great 
a  share  in  my  waking  thoughts.  I  often  wondered'  at  this,  till 
one  night,  I  think  six  months  after  her  death,  I  thought  she  was 
hovering  over  me,  as  in  a  cloud,  and  from  thence  spoke  in  her 
own  voice  some  lines  in  verse;  but  I -could  only  retain  the 
latter  part,  which  were  these  words : — 


PART  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  57 

"  Mingle  with  earth  we  can  no  more 
Bat  when  you  worship  God  alone, 
We  then  shall  mutually  adore." 

By  which  I  understood  she  meant,  I  was  not  in  that  purity 
which  was  requisite  for  communion  with  heavenly  spirits  ; 
but  it  raised  in  my  heart  an  expectation  that  such  a  season 
would  come. 

My  invaluable  friend  was  buried  in  Leeds  old  churchyard ; 
where  to  her  name  and  age  were  added  only  these  words, — 

"  Who  lived  and  died  a  Christian/1 


PART  THE  THIRD. 

HER  SETTLEMENT  IN  YORKSHIRE. 

MY  health  began  to  fail.  I  had  for  three  years  had  much ' 
fatigue  in  nursing  my  dear  friend ;  and  some  crosses  which 
now  flowed  in  apace,  greatly  affected  me.  I  grew  large,  and 
had  dropsical  symptoms.  My  soul  was  at  this  season  in  a  low 
and  cold  state.  My  path  was  strowed  with  many  perplexities  ; 
and  I  was  at  a  loss  how  or  where  to  settle.  Trade  I  much 
feared  ;  and  yet  I  did  not  see  how  I  could  do  without  it.  My 
family  consisted  of  thirty  persons,  of  whom  some  were  rather 
unruly.  I  saw  the  need  of  taking  the  reins  into  my  own  hands, 
and  supplying  the  place  of  my  friend  Ryan.  .  But  this  deter- 
ruination  was  very  difficult  to  execute  ;  and  I  daily  and  hourly 
felt  my  insufficiency.  While  she  was  alive,  I  'considered  her 
as  a  mother,  and,  like  the  other  young  women,  desired  her  to 
allot  me  my  rules  and  employments  ;  or  at  least  to  assist  me  in 
the  choice  of  them.  These  were, — First,  An  attention  to  the 
spiritual  affairs  of  the  family.  Secondly,  Taking  care  for  their 
sustenance.  Thirdly,  Instructing  the  children.  Fourthly,  Meet- 
ing  each  member  of  the  family,  one  by  one,  at  fixed  times. 
Fifthly.  Superintending,  by  turns,  the  more  public  meetings  of 
the  society.  Sixthly,  Attending  my  friend  in  her  frequent 
•  illnesses  ;  with  the  direction  and  management  of  the  sick.  But 
the  care  of  the  kitchen,  buying  in  the  stores,  managing  the 
needle  work,  with  many  other  articles  of  direct  housekeeping, 
J  was  quite  unaccustomed  to.  While  I  lived  in  my  father's 
house  I  iaw  wery  little  of  domestic  affairs,  because  we  lived 
rather  high;  so  that  I  was  quite  a  stranger  to  that  kind  of 
management  needful  for  a  great  family,  who  had  but  little  to 
'live  on.  Besides,  the  manner  of  life  here  wail  entirely  differ- 
ent from  what  I  had  been  used  to  about  London.  Here  wheat 
was  to  be  bought  to  make  flour ;  bread  to  be  made;  cows  to  be 


58  THE  LIFE  OF  [PJLRT  HI. 

managed ;  men  sen-ants  to  be  directed ;  with  a  variety  of  par- 
ticulars in  housekeeping  quite  new  to  me.  Had  my  friend  been 
spared,  all  this  would  have  been  a  pleasure ;  but  now  my  spirits 
were  so  depressed,  every  thing  appeared  a  burden : — and  when 
I  had  provided  as  well  as  I  could,  some  persons  in  my  family 
would  despisingly  say,  my  victuals  were  not  worth  eating ;  and 
that  I  knew  not  how  to  order  any  thing.  I  had  frequent  letters 
from  distant  parts,  some  pitying,  some  upbraiding  me ;  and 
informing  me,  at  the  same  time,  "  The  stories  which  we  hear 
carried  about  concerning  you,  conie  all  from  the  members  of 
your  family."  Oh  !  said  I,  I  have  not  abode  in  my  Saviour  as 
I  ought ;  /  have  gone  down  to  Egypt  for  help,  and  therefore 
is  all  this  come  upon  me :  otherwise,  I  should  still  inherit  that 
word,  applied  to  me  with  power  in  the  first  gathering  of  my 
household,  "  Thou  art  my  hope  and  my  fortress,  my  castle  and 
deliverer,  my  defender  in  whom  I  have  trusted ;  who  subdueth 
the  people  that  are  under  me."  I  mentioned  before,  that  we 
had  met  with  a  large  house,  in  part  furnished,  which  was  of 
great  service,  as  my  own  furniture  was  not  yet  arrived.  There 
was  land  to  it,  and  though  dear,  I  saw  it  a  providence,  and  an 
asylum  till  we  could  fix  better.  In  the  ordering  of  the  outdoor 
affairs,  Mr.  Taylor  was  very  useful  to  me,  and  indeed  had  not 
he  and  his  wife  been  with  me,  I  do  not  think  I  should  ever  have 
got  through  some  difficulties  which  I  had  to  encounter.  One 
day  he  brought  roe  word  of  a  farm  very  cheap ;  with  a  freehoM 
estate  adjoining  thereto,  on  which  were  malt  kilns,  a  small 
house,  and  many  out  buildings.  The  farm  was  large ;  and  he 
thought,  if  besides  the  farm  house,  we  were  to  build  one  big 
enough  for  our  family,  it  would  be  cheaper  than  to  rent  a  house. 
I  was  very  averse  to  the  undertaking ;  but  there  was  no  time  to 
lose,  as  many  were  seeking  after  it.  I  went  to  Leeds,  to  con- 
gult  the  most  judicious  of  my  friends,  in  particular  Mr.  R.,  a 
man  well  acquainted  with  business,  and  the  most  intimate  friend 
I  had  in  Yorkshire.  He  answered,  "  You  may  look  on  this,  a.-> 
Isaac  did  when  he  found  a  well,  for  which  they  did  not  strive/' 
He  said,  "  The  Lord  hath  made  room  for  us  in  the  land." 
<•  So,''  added  he,  '•  may  you  say  :  for  had  you  waited  a  dozen 
years,  you  might  not  have  met  with  such  an  opportunity.'*  I 
objected,  "  that  I  did  not  understand  it,  and  that  perhaps  Jt 
would  sink  instead  of  increasing  my  income."  He  replied, 
"  Richard  Taylor  knows  well  how  to  manage  it,  if  you  do  not ; 
and  I  have  no  doubt  that  it  will  clear  you  a  hundred  and  fifty 
pounds  a  year,  which  will  be  good  interest  for  your  money."  I 
now  remembered  the  reflection  cast  on  me  at  Laytonstone.  viz 
"  If  she  wants  to  do  good  with  he/  fortune,  let  her  take  up  ^ 
little  trade.  9He  talks  of  the  poverty  of  Jesus  ;  let  us  see  her 
work  at  a  trade  as  he  did.".  That  thought  had  much  weight 
with  me.  I  prayed  for  light,  and  took  the  place ;  bought  thd 


PART   III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  59 

estate,  formed  the  plan  for  the  house,  and  set  about  it.  The 
first  mark  of  the  favour  of  God  was,  we  had  some  of  our  work 
people  converted,  so  that  before  half  the  house  was  built  we  had 
a  good  class.  The  desire  after  purity  of  heart  was  much 
revived  among  the  neighbouring  societies ;  and  Ifound  in  many 
ways  there  was  a  wider  field  opened  for  doing  good  than  I  had 
ever  before  experienced.  I  had  some  among  the  members  of 
my  family  also,  who  were  very  helpful  in  the  work  of  God.  By 
settling  on  a  new  plan,  I  found  it  more  easy  to  draw  things  into 
my  own  hand.  I  removed  some,  and  put  others  into  their  proper 
place. 

The  building  I  found  no  cheaper  than  in  the  south,  or  but 
little  so  :  it  cost  a  good  deal  more  than  at  first  proposed.  The 
farm  took  a  great  deal  to  stock,  and  bring  into  order ;  and  as 
most  of  my  capital  lay  in  an  estate,  (or  in  that  sum  my  dear 
father  on  his  death  bed  so  lamented  that  he  had  tied  up  from  me,) 
I  had  not  sufficient  for  all  the  expenses,  with  the  purchase  of 
the  freehold ;  and  was  obliged  to  take  up  money  on  interest, 
which  I  hoped  to  pay  off  at  fifty  pounds  per  year.  The  malt 
kilns  seemed  to  answer  well,  and  cleared  the  first  year  fifty 
pounds,  above  all  expenses. 

Our  call  was  a  good  deal  abroad  in  the  work  of  God,  and  we 
had  encouragement  therein.  A  few  (and  at  that  time  but  a 
few)  in  that  part  had  a  desire  after  holiness.  Some  years  before 
this,  sister  Crosby  had  spent  a  little  time  in  Yorkshire.  She 
told  them  what  a  wonderful  work  of  sanctification  God  was  car- 
rying on  in  London.  Many  were  affected  with  her  words,  and 
two  or  three  in  this  place  retained  the  light  and  power  then 
given  to  them.  These  we  agreed  to  meet  once  a  fortnight ;  and 
unite  our  cry  to  the  Lord,  that  he  would  pour  out  a  spirit  of 
conviction  on  his  people,  and  that  the  neighbouring  societies 
might  be  stirred  up  to  seek  for  purity  of  heart.  We  had  not 
met  many  times  before  the  answer  came ;  one  and  another 
begged  to  join  in  our  Wednesday  night  meetings,  and  our  num- 
ber increased  to  about  fifty,  all  of  whom  were  ardently  desiring, 
or  sweetly  brought  into  that  liberty.  When  we  grew  too 
numerous,  (for  they  began  to  come  from  many  miles  round,) 
I  advised  those  who  were  able,  to  gather  a  meeting  of  the  same 
kind,  near  their  own  homes.  This  was  attended  with  many 
blessings.  We  sometimes  visited  those  infant  meetings,  and 
they  increased  and  spread  as  well  as  ours.  It  must  be  observed, 
none  were  admitted  as  members  into  our  meeting,  but  those 
who  were  truly  awakened  to  seek  for  holiness,  as  before  they 
had  been  to  seek  for  pardon.  Others,  if  we  judged  them  sincere, 
were  sometimes  occasionally  admitted :  but  we  were  very  care- 
ful whornwe  considered  as  fixed  members.  TO  these  I  had  a 
separate  nst ;  and  about  once  a  quarter  met  them  apart  from 
the  others.  I  felt  myself  led  to  enforce  on  them  some  particular 


60  THE   LIFE  OF  PART  III. 

observations,  which  they  frequently  asked  me  to  set  down  on 
paper.    I  did,  therefore,  set  them  down  as  follows : — 

As  you  have  expressed  a  desire  that  I  would  give  you  on  paper 
the  few  observations  I  have  sometimes  made  on  Wednesday 
nights,  I  will  endeavour  so  to  do,  as  far  as  I  can  recollect.  And 
if  my  dear  Lord  is  pleased  to  help  you  through  so  weak  an 
instrument,  he  shall  have  the  more  abundant  praise. 

First,  I  would  recommend  you  to  be  very  careful  whom  you 
admit  into  your  meeting.  Consider  no  one  as  member  thereof 
who  is  not  steadily  seeking  after  Christian  perfection  :  that  is. 
a  heart  simplified  by  love  divine,  and  kept  each  moment,  by  faith, 
from  the  pollution  of  sin.  Whosoever  agrees  not  with  you  on 
this  point,  will  greatly  interrupt  your  design. 

Secondly,  See  that  you  fix  on  your  minds, — We  come  toge- 
ther to  get  our  faith  increased ;  and  expect  as  much  that  our 
souls  should  be  refreshed  by  our  meeting,  as  we  do  our  bodies  to 
be  refreshed  by  our  food.  Come  with  a  lively  expectation ;  and 
that  your  expectation  may  not  be  cut  off",  keep  your  spirit  all  the 
time  in  continual  prayer ;  united  prayer  can  never  go  unan- 
swered. Mr.  Fletcher,  on  this  head,  has  a  lively  observation  : 
'•  When  many  believing  hearts,"  says  he,  "  are  lifted  up,  and 
wrestle  in  prayer  together,  we  may  compare  them  to  many  hands 
xvhich  work  a  large  pump ;  at  such  times  particularly  the  fount- 
ains of  the  great  deep  are  broken  up,  the  windows  of  heaven  are 
opened,  and  rivers  of  living  water  flow  from  the  hearts  of  obe- 
dient believers." 

Thirdly,  Bear  with  each  other's  mistakes  or  infirmities  in  love. 
Consider  the  members  as  if  they  were  your  own  children.  How 
much  will  a  man  bear  with  in  his  own  son  that  serveth  him  1  A 
threefold  cord  cannot  be  easily  broken.     Satan  will  leave  no 
stone  unturned  to  disunite  you ; — but  Oh,  remember  the  cha- 
racteristic of  the  evangelical  dispensation  is, — 
"  The  love  that  turns  the  other  cheek ; 
The  love  inviolably  meek, 

Which  bears,  but  conquers  all." 

Fourthly,  Be  well  aware  of  that  deadly  poison,  so  frequent 
among  professors, — I  mean  evil  speaking.  It  will  cover  itself 
under  a  thousand  forms ;  and,  alas  !  how  many  sincere  hearts 
swallow  this  gilded  bait  before  they  know  what  they  are  about. 
Never  repeat  the  fault  of  an  absent  person,  unless  it  be  abso- 
lutely needful  In  particular,  speak  not  evil  of  dignitiefe ; 
neither  of  our  king,  on  whose  account  we  have  the  greatest 
reason  to  be  thankful ;  nor  yet  of  any  in  authority  under  him. 
Neither  those  whom  God  hath  set  over  us  as  spiritual  teaAers. 
If  any  of  these  do  not  speak  just  as  we  could  have  wished,  never 
•rget  that  orfcmay  have  his  gift  after  this  manner,  another 
after  that.  The  exhortation  not  so  immediately  useful  to  your 
state,  may  nevertheless  be  put  into  their  mouth  at  that  time,  for 


PART  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  61 

another  person  then  present.  Knowt>,  unto  God  are  all  hit 
ways ;  and  as  he  hath  said,  A  cup  of  cold  water  given  to  a 
prophet,  shall  not  be  forgotten,  how  pleasiifg  will  it  be  in  his 
sight,  if  by  faith  and  prayer  we  hold  up  the  hands  of  his  praying 
(servants. 

Fifthly,  Hold  fast  the  truth  in  a  pure  conscience.  Let  not  one 
spark  of  your  light  be  put  out.  Though  all  your  teachers,  bre- 
thren, friends,  yea,  the  whole  church,  were  to  turn  against  the 
truth,  let  nothing  make  you  forget,  The  blood  of  Jesus  cleanseth 
from  all  sin;  and  that  he  keeps  that  soul  for  ever  clean,  who  day 
and  night  hangs  on  him  by  simple  faith. 

Sixthly,  Be  always  ready  to  give  an  account  to  those  that  ask 
you  a  reason  of  the  hope  that  is  in  you.  In  order  to  this,  let 
us  pray  for  clear  ideas  of  what  we  seek,  and  what  we  possess. 
Bear  in  mind,  that  to  perfect  holiness  in  the  fear  of  the  Lord, 
is  no  more  than  you  have  already  promised :  First,  By  your 
sponsors  in  baptism  ;  secondly,  In  your  own  person,  when  you 
made  those  vows  your  own  by  confirmation ;  and,  thirdly,  When- 
ever you  renew  that  covenant  by  coming  to  the  Lord's  table. 
"  You  have  engaged  to  renounce  the  devil  and  all  his  works,  the 
pomps  and  vanities  of  this  wicked  world,  and  all  the  sinful  lusts 
of  the  flesh;  to  believe  all  the  articles  of  the  Christian  faith;  to 
keep  God's  holy  will  and  commandments,  and  to  walk  in  the 
same  all  the  days  of  your  life."  And  is  not  this  vowing  to  per- 
fect holiness  in  the  fear  of  God  ?  Does  the  first  part  of  this 
sacred  engagement,  To  renounce  the  devil  and  all  his  works, 
leave  any  room  for  the  least  agreement  with  the  devil,  the  world, 
or  the  flesh  ?  Does  the  second,  To  believe  all  the  articles  of 
the  Christian  faith,  make  the  least  allowance  for  one  doubt  with, 
respect  to  any  one  article  of  the  Christian  faith  ?  Or,  does  the 
third  allow  the  wilful  breach  of  any  one  of  God's  command- 
ments ?  Again,  Do  we  not  all  profess  to  believe  it  to  be  our  duty, 
to  love  Godwith  all  our  heart,  and  our  neighbour  as  ourselves? 
Weigh  the  depth  of  those  two  expressions.  Do  they  not  imply, 
love  made  perfect,  or,  in  other  words,  Christian  perfection  ? 

Seventhly,  Remember  that  eaying  of  Solomon,  The  wise 
man's  eyes  are  in  his  head.  Let  your  eye  of  faith  be  steadily 
fixed  on  your  living  Head,  deeply  conscious  of  that  word, — 

"  Having  done  all,  by  faith  I  stand, 
And  give  the  praise,  O  Lord,  to  thee !" 

* 

A  holy  man  makes  this  observation :  "  Persevering  believers  are 
little  omnipotents."  Abide  then  every  moment  in  the  living 
vise,  from  whom  you  constantly  draw  your  life,  as  the  coal  its 
heat  from  the  fire ;  it  was  all  black,  cold,  and  filthy,  before  it  was 
:.  impregnated  with  the  fire  that  kindled  it ;  but  if  by  any  accident 
it  fall  therefrom,  the  shining  perfection  which  it  had  acquired, 

gradually  wears  away,  and  it  becomes  a  filthy  cinder,  the  black 

6 


62  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

emblem  of  an  apostate.  So  true  is  that  saying  of  our  Lord, 
Without  me  ye  can  do  nothing. 

Eighthly,  Consider  yourselves  as  united  by  a  holy  covenant 
to  God  and  to  each  other ;  aiming  to  advance  the  glory  of  God 
all  you  possibly  can. 

"  Ye  for  Christ  your  Master  stand 
Lights  in  a  benighted  land." 

Beware  then  that  your  light  become  not  darkness ;  let  no  one 
be  discouraged  from  seeking  Christian  holiness,  by  any  thing 
they  see  in  your  life  and  conversation.  We  must  become  a 
whole  burnt  sacrifice.  The  soldier  enlisted  under  the  banner 
of  his  king,  may  neither  leave  his  post,  nor  choose  his  employ- 
ment. We  have  covenanted  to  be  the  Lord's ;  and  may  not 
draw  back  one  power,  no,  nor  one  thought,  from  his  service. 
Be  it  then  engraven  on  our  hearts,  as  with  a  diamond  pen, "  Thy 
vows,  O  God,  are  upon  me :  I  have  opened  my  mouth  unto 
the  Lord,  and  cannot  go  back." 

Glory  be  to  God,  it  might  be  said  of  Cross  Hall,  (the  name 
of  our  present  habitation,)  many  a  soul  has  been  born  in  her, 
and  many  sweet  seasons  did  we  know  with  the  Lord ;  and  I 
do  at  this  day  declare,  I  shall  ever  adore  the  wisdom  of  God  in 
bringing  me  down  to  settle  in  Yorkshire.  It  was  good  for  the 
work  of  God.  It  was  good  for  my  own  soul  ;*  but  for  a  season 
it  did  not  appear  good  for  my  temporal  affairs.  I  had  not  been 
seven  years  there,  before  I  saw  myself  brought  into  great  per- 
plexity, from  circumstances  I  shall  by  and  by  relate.  But 
whatever  occurred,  I  must  ever  praise  the  Lord,  that  his  provi- 
dence brought  me  there.  I  had  a  continual  presentiment  my 
troubles  were  for  an  appointed  time ;  and  that  in  the  end  de- 
liverance would  be  given  from  every  difficulty. 

I  found  my  mind  much  united  to  brother  and  sister  Taylor. 
I  strove  to  remove  their  burdens,  and  went  in  person  to  their 
creditors.  After  meeting  with  some  opposition,  I  got  their 
affairs  settled,  at  the  expense  of  between  two  and  three  hun- 
dred pounds.. 

After  the  death  of  sister  Ryan,  my  soul  had  many  risings  and 
sinkings.  Sometime  1  seemed  to  lose  my  way,  and  knew  not 
where  or  what  I  was.  For  about  two  years,  I  sunk  into  fear, 
care,  self-indulgence,  and  many  wanderings.  Yet  my  aim  was 
toward  the  Loro,  who,  after  that  season,  began  again  io  renew 
in  me  a  tender  conscience,  and  as  my  outward  sorrows  increas- 
ed, so  my  inward  light  and  power  began  to  revive.  It  was  soon 
after  that  time  that  we  began  the  meeting  above  mentioned,  ai 

ft. 

*  Nothing  could  prevent  Inch  a  devoted  person  from  bearing  fruit  unto  God. 
In  answer  to  the  prayer  of  faith,  He  opens  rivers  in  the  high  places,  and  stream* 
in  the  desert.  Mr.  Wesley,  speaking  of  her  settlement  in  Yorkshire,  observes, 
(see  his  Works,  volume  iv,)  "Saturday,  July  7th,  1770,  I  rode  to  Miss  Bosan- 
quet's.  Her  family  is  still  a  pattern,  and  a  general  blessing  to  the  country.-1-  Kr . 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  63 

near  as  I  can  remember,  though  I  have  not  set  down  the  exact 
date  thereof;  by  my  diary  it  appears  to  be  about  a  year  after 
my  soul  began  again  to  walk  by  faith.  These  meetings  were 
to  me  a  singular  blessing.  They  cost  me  many  a  wrestling 
prayer,  and  when  the  iiights  approached  when  we  were  to  meet, 
Oh !  the  sinking  into  nothing  before  God  my  spirit  used  to  feel '. 
Of  all  the  meetings  I  ever  was  employed  in  while  in  Yorkshire, 
1  know  not  I  ever  felt  my  soul  so  conscious  of  the  Lord's 
approval  as  in  these.  I  must  acknowledge  it  occasioned  both 
expense  and  labour.  Frequently  I  had  many  beds  to  make  up, 
and  many  friends  and  their  horses  to  entertain.  But  I  saw  it 
such  an  honour  to  be  (as  I  sometimes  expressed  it)  the  Lord's 
innkeeper,  that  I  could  feel  nothing  but  satisfaction  therein. 
Those  words  were  often  applied  with  great  sweetness,  The 
birds  of  the  air  shall  rest  under  thy  branches. 

I  now  found  a  fresh  conviction  of  the  necessity  of  Divine 
help,  that  I  might  go  in  and  out  before  my  family,  in  such  a 
manner  as  would  lead  them  into  the  most  excellent  way ;  and 
when  any  thiug  particular  rested  on  my  mind,  I  usually  set 
it  down  in  the  way  of  diary.  On  looking  over  old  papers,  I 
find  the  following  remarks ;  but  am  not  quite  clear  as  to  the 
•dates : — 

"  This  day  I  have  been  solemnly  renewing  my  covenant  with 
the  Lord,  and  considering  over  our  family  rules,  fasts,  and 
meetings.  I  have  been  praying  for  fresh  vigour  and  resolution 
in  the  use  thereof ;  and  while  reading  this  morning  the  vision 
of  Samuel  concerning  Eli,  I  was  led  to  inquire  how  far  it  was 
my  own  case.  Lord,  thou  hast  made  me  the  head  of  this  fami- 
ly. Do  I  bear  the  sword  in  vain  ?  Show  me,  Lord,  what  I 
can  do  to  help  them,  considered  one  by  one,  and  how  I  may 
help  to  put  away,  in  each,  whatever  would  offend.  The  thoughts 
which  flowed  into  nty  mind  were  as  follows : — 

"  First,  Love  is  the  end  of  the  commandment.  If  I  would 
wish  to  be  such  a  head  as  God  approves,  I  must  have  no  spring 
of  action  but  love.  Yet  when  we  have  many  tempers  to  suit 
ourselves  to,  all  their  burdens  to  bear,  and  their  every  want  to 
supply,  (even  in  narrow  circumstances,)  nature  is  apt  to  grow 
weary.  It  is  very  easy  to  give  our  neighbour  what  we  can  spare, 
•but  to  pinch  ourselves,  and  even  to  run  the  risk  of  debts  and 
distress  for  their  sakes,  makes  the  work  far  more  hard.  How 
thea  shall  I  get  and  keep  that  spirit  of  love  to  eacli  which  is 
needful  for  my  fulfilling  toward  them  the  place  of  a  mother  ? 
or,  iasome  sense,  to  be  a  pillar  in  God's  house,  who  is  appoint- 
ed to  bear  the  weight  of  the  whole  building  1 

"I  will  call  over  each  member^Wmy  mind  with  solemn 
prayer,  and  search  out  every  perfection  of  every  kind  ; — every 
trace  of  the  image  of  God  which  I  oan  discern  in  each,  and 
enter  them  on  paper;  adding  thereto  every  fresh  discovery, — 


64  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

and  then  to  each  name  affix  a  plan,  denoting  what  is  the  best 
method  of  helping  that  person's  infirmities,  and  strengthening 
their  virtues.  If  I  do  not  thus  study  the  tempers  and  disposi- 
tion of  my  family,  how  unlike  will  my  carriage  be  to  that  of^ 
my  heavenly  Father  toward  me.  I  am  also  much  convinced  of 
the  necessity  of  being  exact  in  early  rising,  both  for  the  good 
of  iny  own  soul,  and  that  of  my  family ;  and  as  I  am  now  bet- 
ter, I  trust  to  be  able  to  execute  my  purpose.  I  shall  also  meet 
the  family  at  stated  times,  for  an  hour,  in  order  to  inquire  if 
brotherly  love  continues.  And  to  remove  all  hinderances  there- 
to, I  will  at  those  times  observe, — 

"  My  design  in  having  a  family  is  to  bring  honour  to  God. 
If  that  end  be  not  answered,  I  am  disappointed,  and  the  Spirit 
of  God  is  grieved  with  those  who  hinder  it. 

"  But  in  order  to  this,  it  is  needful  to  be  aware  of  Satan's 
devices,  who  will  be  always  endeavouring  to  throw  in  some- 
thing to  wound  love ;  and  among  a  large  family,  where  there 
.is  a  multiplicity  of  business,  perplexities  will  arise,  which  some- 
times have  a  tendency  to  break,  or  at  least  to« interrupt,  that 
sweet  harmony  of  love,  by  which  the  church  below  is  rendered 
a  shadow  of  that  above. 

"  To  prevent  this  must  be  my  constant  labour.  I  believe 
you  all  love  me  ;  and  I  am,  my  heavenly  Father  knows,  united 
to  every  one  of  you.  But  that  will  not  do,  unless  you  are  united 
among  yourselves.  I  would  therefore  inquire  of  each,  one  by 


O110  1 


;  "  First,  Do  you  find  want  of  love  to  any  one  here  ?  If  you 
answer  yes,  give  your  reason,  and  it  shall  be  searched  to  the 
bottom,  though  it  be  in  myself. 

"  Secondly,  Is  there  any  conduct  of  any  member  which  you 
think  might  be  mended  1 

"  Thirdly,  We  are  to  live  only  to  and  for  God.  You  all  can 
bear  me  witness,  what  we  save,  is  saved  for  the  poor,  and  the 
work '  >f  God.  Now,  can  any  of  you  point  out  wherein  we  can 
save  more  1  This  is  to  be  done  in  little  things :  for  instance, 
suppose  twenty  of  you  had  each  a  candle  to  use,  and  each  per- 
:  son  were  to  run  it  into  the  fire,  and  waste  a  tenth  part  of  the 
whole,  that  would  be  two  candles  lost  per  night.  -  If  each  fire, 
(we  will  say  ten,)  burn  one  pennyworth  of  coals  per  day  more 
than  is  needful,  there  are  five  shillings  and  tenpence  per  week 
lost ;  enough  to  make  two  poor  people,  who  love  and  serve  the' 
Lord,  comfortable.  The  same  may  be  said  of  every  thing  we 
eat,  drink,  wear,  or  make  use  of.  Savingness  gives  a  constant 
and  profitable  use  of  the^Hpss ;  as  well  as  administers,  by  those 
small  acts  of  self-denia^t6-the  necessities  of  our  brethren.  If 
we  are  thirty  in  family,  besides  many  strangers, — suppose  every 
one  by  frugality  to  save  (every  thing  being  put  together)  but 
two  pence  per  day,  what  a  large  sum  will  that  make- br  tte; 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  65 

whole  year,  nearly  a  hundred  pounds !  and  how  many  of  the 
saints  of  God  may  be  fed  and  clothed  therewith  1 

"  Fourthly,  Time  is  a  most  invaluable  talent ;  and  there  is 
scarcely  an  hour  but  we  may  save  some  minutes,  by  doing  every 
thing  as  to  the  Lord,  that  is,  in  the  best  manner  we  are  able. 
It  is  a  true  saying,  a  thing  once  well  done  is  twice  done.  For 
instance,  if  you  sew  a  seam  carelessly,  it  will  soon  want  doing 
over  again.  If  you  clean  any  thing  by  halves,  it  will  want  a 
repetition  almost  directly.  If  linen  is  badly  got  up,  and  not  of 
a  good  colour,  it  will  not  wear  half  the  time.  Consequently, 
the  next  wash  will  be  larger,  will  require  more  time,  more  soap, 
more  fire,  &c.  If  you  teach  the  children  by  halves,  they  will 
need  so  many  more  lessons,  and  be  so  much  the  longer  before 
they  are  useful  at  home,  or  fit  to  go  out ;  so  that  the  desire  of 
saving  time  calls  for  the  most  diligent  application  in  every 
thing.  But  in  order  truly  to  buy  up  this  precious  talent,  there 
is  a  necessity  of  walking  as  in  the  constant  presence  of  God. 
By  that  recollection,  we  shall  cut  offuseless  words  and  thoughts, 
which  are  the  Banker  worms  that  eat  up  our  time. 

"  Fifthly,  The  power  of  speech  is  a  great  talent.  It  is  an 
instrument  of  much  good,  or  much  evil.  The  tongue  is  a  little 
member,  yet  how  much  good  or  evil  is  it  capable  of  kindling ! 
A  little  spark  may  be  the  beginning  of  a  flame  powerful  enough 
to  destroy  a  whole  city  ;  and  one  wrong  word  may  draw  on 
another,  until  the  tongue,  '  which  is  a  world  of  iniquity,  may 
set  on  fire  all  the  members,  being  itself  set  on  fire  of  hell.'  On 
the  other  hand,  in  a  large  family,  how  useful  may  that  member 
be  !  While  it  possesses  the  honour  of  being  God's  advocate, 
and  watches  every  moment  for  an  opportunity  to  call  in  the 
minds  of  those  around  you  to  a  colser  attention  to  God.  The 
right  use  of  the  tongue  is  of  the  utmost  consequence,  (especial- 
ly in  a  religious  comftunity,)  and  worthy  our  strictest  and  most 
earnest  endeavours  ;  since  the  Apostle  says,  '  He  that  offend- 
eth  not  in  word,  the  same  is  a  perfect  man,  and  able  also  to 
bridle  the  whole  body.'  " 

The  next  Friday,  after  this  family  meeting,  I  proposed  as  a 
fast, — at  twelve  we  were  to  meet  for  one  hour,  chiefly  for  ear- 
nest prayer.  At  these  seasons  I  frequently  found  much  of  the 
presence  and  approval  of  God,  and  I  believe  they  were  blessed 
to  many  of  the  family. 

To  return  to  my  outward  situation.  When  I  had  been  a  few 
years  in  Cross  Hall,  I  had  many  trials  of  faith  and  patience. 
Sometimes  I  was  all  fears  ;  and  at  others,  I  had  a  lively  confi- 
dence in  that  word,  Stand  to  my  will,  and  thou  shall  suffer 
no  detriment,  which  was  applied  to  me  just  before  the  period 
of  sister  Ryan's  death. 

Various  circumstances  now  agitated  my  mind ;  and  frequent 
]f  with- groans  and  tears  have  I  said  before  the  Lord, — "  Oh  ! 
6* 


gg  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART    III. 

that  I  could  meet  with  a  friend  as  divinely  enlightened,  and  as 
faithful  as  the  one  I  have  lost.  It  would  be  worth  going  over 
red  hot  bars  of  iron  to  procure."  But  though  I  knew  some  of 
the  excellent  of  the  earth,  yea,  and  had  some  of  them  under 
my  own  roof,  yet  friendship  is  so  immediately  the  gift  of  God, 
we  cannot  form  it  when  we  will.  There  must  be  a  similitude 
of  mind,  a  something  which  God  alone  can  give,  and  which  he 
at  this  time  was  pleased  to  withhold  from  me,  perhaps  that  I 
might  learn  to  depend  on  himself  alone.  The  point  in  which 
I  was  peculiarly  sensible  of  the  loss  of  Jtny  friend,  was  in  the 
character  of  a  counsellor.  I  wanted  to  know  and  do  the  will 
of  God.  I  feared  I  was  wrong  in  my  present  situation,  because 
things  did  not  answer ;..  and  yet  I  did  not  know  which  way  to 
mend  them.  But  I  have  always  found  the  best  way  is  to  stand 
still ;  for  I  have  learned  by  experience,  that  when  we  have  no 
light  how  to  get  out  of  our  troubles,  and  no  way  seems  to  open, 
the  present  duty  is  resignation.  We  have  only  to  follow  Pro- 
vidence from  day  to  day,  making  it  our  one  business  to  persevere 
in  a  constant  sense  of  the  presence  of  God,  ajad  to  lie  before 
his  feet  as  poor  beggars,  waiting  for  his  direction. 

Some  time  before  this,  a  circumstance  happened,  which 
though  to  appearance  trifling,  proved  in  the  end  very  material. 
A  gentleman,  who  about  two  years  before  lost  a  wife  he  ten- 
derly loved,  on  hearing  of  me,  and  the  close  union  which  had 
subsisted  between  me  and  Mrs.  Ryan,  permitted  a  thought  to 
dwell  on!  his  mind, — that  perhaps  I  was  brought  to  Yorkshire 
by  the  providence  of  God  to  repair  his  loss. 

One  day  as  I  was  returning  from  a  little  journey  where  I  had 
been  to  meet  some  people,  we  called  at  an  inn  to  bait  the  horse. 
Mr.  *  *  *  was  standing  at  a  window  of  that  inn.  I  came  out  and 
stood  some  time  at  the  block  waiting  for  my  horse.  A  thought 
struck  his  mind,  "  I  should  like  that  wolhan  for  a  wife  ;"  but 
instantly  he  corrected  it  with  that  reflection,  I  know  not  whether  , 
she  be  a  converted  or  an  unconverted  person  ;  a  married  or  a 
single  woman.  Just  then  Mr.  Taylor  came  up  with  the  horse. 
The  gentleman  knew  him,  and  corning  out  to  speak  to  him,  was 
much  struck  to  find  it  was  I.  But  as  there  was  not  any  thing 
striking  to  me  in  the  occurrence,  I  had  quite  forgotten  it,  till  he 
recalled  it  to  my  remembrance  some  yca-rs  after. 

As  I  was  very  free  in  making  known  my  fears,  lest  my  new 
undertaking  should  not  answer,  some  friends  have  often  said  ' 
to  me,  "  Why  do  not  you  consult  Mr.  *  *  *  1  He  is  the  only  man 
for  business  in  the  country ;  and  having  heard  of  your  situation, 
he  wishes  to  give  Mr.  Taylor  some  advice."  Not  long  after  a 
friend  brought  him  to  our  house.  I  did  not  know  at  that  tinje 
whether  he  were  married  or  single.  We  soon  fell  into  conver- 
sation about  the  farm.  He  gave  me  some  directions,  and  inter- 
ested  himself  much  in  my  affairs.  1  frequently  applied  to  him 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER. 

in  difficult  occurrences,  and  he  became,  in  the  common  accepta- 
tion of  the  word,  a  familiar  friend. 

My  perplexities  now  increased.  The  farm  had  sunk  a  very 
large  sum  to  bring  it  into  order,  and  the  kilns  took  much  money 
to  work  them,  a  great  deal  of  which  lay  scattered  up  and  down 
in  debts  owing  to  me  from  lesser  maltsters.  I  applied  not  only  to 
Mr.  *  *  *,  but  to  some  other  sensible  men.  They  looked  over  all, 
and  said  I  was  too  much  afraid :  in  a  year  or  two  things  would 
turn  round.  That  I  had  had  a  farm  to  make ;  but  it  wfts  now  in 
such  order,  it  would  soon  pay  all  again.  This  gave  me  some 
satisfaction,  but  did  not  on  the  whole  remove  my  fears.  I  also 
saw  Mr.  Taylor  went  too>far ;  that  he  was  inclined  to  venture 
much ;  that  he  kept  too  many  men ;  and  gave  a  greal  deal  too 
much  credit. 

This  answered  Mr.  ***'s  design.  By  these  things  he  was 
inclined  to  think  God  was  constraining  me  to  accept  the  offer, 
which  by  this  time  he  had  made  me,  of  his  hand,  his  heart,  and 
his  purse.  His  affections  were  strong,  sincere,  and  constant ; 
his  offers  generous,  and  his  sentiments  tender.  He  loved  my 
family  ;  and  whoever  was  kind  to  me,  found  favour  in  his  eyes. 
This  could  not  but  operate  on  my  gratitude.  I  was  deeply 
pained.  But  I  could  not  see  him  the  man  my  highest  reason 
chose  to  obey.  First,  !•  did  not  so  honour  the  light  he  had  in 
religion,  as  to  believe  it  my  privilege  to  be  ledthereby.  Secondly, 
Though  he  was  a  good  man,  and  helpful  to  people  yi  every 
respect,'  yet  he  did  not  see  the  narrow  path  of  walking  close 
with  God,  as  I  could  wish  the  man  I  took  for  a  husband 
to  do.  Thirdly,  Though  I  had  a  grateful  love  toward  him,  I 
could  not  find  that  satisfying  affection  which  flows  from  per- 
fect confidence ;  and  which  is  the  very  spirit  and  soul  of 
marriage. 

I  felt,  however,  in  the  keenest  manner  the  need  I  had  of  his 
assistance  in  my  affairs  ;  but  I  thought  it  ungenerous  to  the  last 
degree  to  accept  of  help  and  counsel  from  one  whose  growing 
affection  I  was  too  sensible  of,  but  to  which,  however,  .1  could 
make  no  return.  I  used  the  plainest  terms  in  assuring  him  of 
the  impossibility  of  our  affection  ever  becoming  reciprocal ; 
and  proposed  the  breaking  off  all  acquaintance.  He  alleged  in 
answer,  "You  cannot  do  without  me.  You  will  be  ruined  ; — 
God  hath  made  me  your  helper ;  and  if  you  cannot  see  and  fee] 
as  I  do,  we  will  be  only  common  friends.  I  will  say  no  morf 
on  a  subject  so  disagreeable  to  you." 

I  lessened  my  family  all  I  could,  by  putting  out  some  of  tie 
bigger  children  to  trades,  or  servants'  places ;  but  much  expense 
attended  it.  Mr.  Taylor  also  had  several  children  while  wth 
me,  so  that  the  family  still  consisted  of  twenty-five  persons. 
T-li«  majority,  however,  were  grown  persons.  But  losses  3till 
continually  came  on ;  and  my  first  seven  years  in  Yorkshire 


68  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  HI. 

being  fleariy  expired,  I  found  an  absolute  need  of  some  change, 
since  in  all  this  time  things  grew  not  better,  but  worse, 

I  consulted  Mr.  *  *  *  and  other  friends  about  my  situation,  but 
*mostw£re  for  some  farther  exertion  in  trade.  That  I  knew 
would  not  do.  Others  said,  "Turn  off  all  those  members 
of  your  family,  and  you  have  enough  to  live  on  alone,  with  a 
servant  or  two."  No  way,  however,  opened  for  them,  and 
several  were  old,  sickly,  or  helpless.  I  could  not  therefore  see 
$bow  that*could  be  done,  and  if  ever  I  thought  on  it,  mountains 
of  difficulty  arose  before  me.  Something  seemed  to  whisper,  a 
way  shall  be  made  quite  plain;  yet  I  saw  it  my  duty  to  do 
every  thing  in  my  power.  I  therefor*  consulted  Mr.  *  *  *,  who 
knew  my  whole  affairs  as  no  other  person  did.  He  salft, 
"  There  is  but  one  way  for  you ;  put  the  farm  into  Mr.  Taylor's 
hand,  entirely  separate  from  yourself.  Let  him  have  the  stock 
just  as  it  is,  and  work  the  kilns  as  he  can  raise  money.  Let 
him  pay  you  sixty  pounds  per  year,  and  take  his  family  to  the 
end  of  tlie  house.  I  verily  believe  he  will  live  weh1,  and  lay  up 
money ;  and  I  will  overlook  all,  and  appraise  every  thing  once 
a  year."  I  did  so.  Mr.  ***  took  great  pains,  and  Richard 
Taylor  paid  regularly.  But  as  he  was  to  have  it  free  of  debt,  I 
found,  a  good  deal  to  pay  which  he  had  not  brought  to  account ; 
so  that  before  all  was  settled,  I  had  money  again  to  take  up  on 
interest,  which  was  no  small  affliction  to  me  ;  and  could  I  have 
sold  the,  place,  I  would  have  chosen  it  rather.  . 

We  went  on  tolerably  for  three  years.  Mr.  *  *  *  thought  the 
farm  increased  in  heart.  The  stock  also  improved,  and  all  was 
cheerful,  except  in  my  mind,  which  foreboded  deeper  waters. 
This  was  soon  realized.  In  the  beginning  of  the  fourth  year, 
Taylor  was  in  debt  to  the  amount  of  six  hundred  pounds.  This 
was  what  I  all  along  feared ;  but  I  thought,  I  am  not  obliged  to 
pay  his  debt ;  let  him  break,  and  bear  his  own  burden.  Mr. 
*  *  *  at  first  thought  the  same  ;  but  soon  we  saw,  either  I  must 
give  up  the  stogk,  (which  would  be  sold  for  half  its  value,) 
or  pay  the  money.  Besides,  I  was  now  informed,  that  when 
he  ceased  to  act  as  my  agent,  I  ought  to  have  advertised  it,  that 
no  one  might  trust  him  through  confidence  in  me.  But  this 
(being  unused  to  business)  I  did  not  know. 

I  deeply  felt  for  the  appearance  it  would  have  to  my  relations. 
I  had  before,  with  their  knowledge,  taken  up  money  on  the 
Laytonstone  estate,  and  my  brothers  were  very  kind,  and 
ordered  all  my  affairs  in  the  south  to  the  best  advantage.  I  did 
mt  therefore  see  it  just  or  prudent  to  hide  any  thing  from  them. 
I  vrote  to  my  eldest  brother  a  full  account  of  the  whole  ;  but 
cotld  not  see,  at  that  time,  how  I  could  pay ;  nor  was  I  quite 
clear  it  was  required  of  me.  Taylor's  wife,  now  big  with  child, 
wrirging  her  hands,  entreated  me,  in  mercy  to  her,  not  to  let 
her  iusband  go  to  prison ;  and  indeed  she  was  clear 


PART  III.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  69 

for  all  along  she  had  been  afflicted  with  the  fear  of  what  was 
now  come  upon  them.  I  knew  not  what  to  do :  above  all,  the 
honour  of  religion  was  dear  to  me ;  aad  it  was  too  evident, 
without  an  appearance  of  dishonesty,  I  could  not  take  back  the 
stock,  though  really  my  own,  and  leave  the  debts  unpaid. 
Besides,  many  of  the  persons  were  poor,  and  would  be  greatly 
hurt  by  the  loss.  We  had  also  at  this  time  a  lively  work ;  for 
whatsoever  else  did  not  prosper  by  going  into  Yorkshire,  the 
work  of  God  did.  Being  at  length  determined  on  the  payment, 
the  next  difficulty  witffewhere  to  raise  the  money.  I  had  now 
taken  back  all  my  aflws  out  of  Taylor's  hands,  but  was  inca- 
pable of  managing  the  business  myself,  nor  could  I  get  the 
place  disposed  of.  Mr.  *  *  *  then  offered  to  lend  me  the  six 
hundred  pounds  on  interest,  and  to  become  a  partner  with  me 
in  the  farm  and  kilns,  so  as  to  take  the  management  of  all. 
Here  I  was  quite  at  a  loss.  I  was  almost  ready  to  say,  "  Dark- 
ness hath  covered  my  path."  Prudence,  delicacy,  every  lively 
sentiment,  started  back  at  the  thought.  What !  come  under 
such  an  obligation  to  the  man  I  am  constantly  refusing  !  Be- 
sides, such  a  fresh  connection  will  open  the  door  to  many 
trials.  But  there  was  no  alternative ;  I  must  accept  his  help 
or  be  ruined.  I  therefore  followed  what  appeared  to  be  the 
leadings  of  Providence.  A  little  before  this,  I  had  a  drawing 
in  my  mind  to  go  for  six  months  to  Bath,  Bristol,  and  the  parts 
adjacent,  believing  it  to  be  the  order  of  God ;  and  I  was  not 
sorry  for  an  excuse  to  gel  two  bundrca  miles  from  poor 
Mr.***. 

One  night,  conversing  with  a  friend  on  the  difficulties  of  my 
situation,  he  said,  "  I  cannot  approve  of  your  proceedings  ;  I 
fear  you  light  against  Providence.  Here  are  several  doors  open 
before  you.  If  you  object  to  Mr.  ***,  why  do  not  you  accept 
of  some  other  of  those  good  men,  whom  the  Lord  seems  to  have 
cast  in  your  way  ?  You  stand  stiffly  in  the  choice  of  a  single 
life,  and  it  seems  to  me,  God  fights  against  you  in  so  doing. 
The  end  will  be  ruin.  You  will  be  brought  to  a  prison,  and  all 
the  reproach  will  be  qist  on  religion.  If  you  build  on  the  for- 
mer promise  I  have  heard  you  mention,  That  the  Almighty 
shall  be  your  defence,  and  you  shall  have  plenty  of  silver, 
I  account  you  .no  better  than  an  enthusiast.  Have  you  not 
waited  long  enough  ?  You  hoped  for  deliverance  at  the  end  of 
the  first  seven  years ;  but  four  are  elapsed  since,  and  if  you 
wait  till  the  end  of  the  next  seven,  you  will  be  no  nearer. " 
Though  his  words  did  not  convince  my  judgment,  they  pained 
my  heart.  Nothing  was  to  me  more  dreadful  than  'the  thought 
of  getting  out  of  God's  order.  I  carried  my  case  to  the  Lord, 
and  striving  to  divest  my  soul  of  every  prejudice,  I  offered  up 
myself  to  God,  that  he  might  accomplish  all  his  will  upon  me, 
— pleading  before  him,  "  Show  me  thy  way,  and  I  will  walk  in 


I 

70  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  III. 

it."  But  the  more  I  prayed,  the  clearer  the  light  seemed  to 
shiue^  on  my  present  path ;  and  the  only  answer  I  could  obtain 
was,  Stand  still  and  see  my  salvation. 

Being  one  day  at  prayer  about  my  situation,  I  thought,  per- 
haps I  shall  sink  lower  still.  Though  Mr.  *  *  *  believes  he  shall 
make  much  of  the  "business,  he  may  be  mistaken  ;  and  should 
I  lose  more  than  my  estate  at  Laytonstone,  and  this  place  also 
will  pay,  then  I  shall  have  debts  I  cannot  answer ;  and  while 

«there  is  but  a  bare  possibility  of  that,  shall  I  eat  and  drink  as 
if  it  was  my  own  ?  Ah !  no  ;  let  me  JBier.  live  on  bread  'and 
water.  I  have  no  right,  except'  mer^y  to  sustain  life,  till  I 
receive  from  God  some  answer,  or  afee,  by  sound  reason,  that 
all  will  be  paid.  I  began  to  do  so  that  very  day !  But  the  fol- 
lowing night,  I  had  a  most  particular  time  before  the  Lord  !  He 

-  snWed  me,  (by  a  light  on  my  understanding)  that  all  my  trials 
were  appointed  by  himself;  that  they  were  laid  on  by  weight 
and  measure,  and  should  go  no  farther  than  they  would  work 
for  my  good.  He  pointed  me  to  the  time  at  Hoxton,  causing 
me  to  remember  how  simply  I  had  walked  by  faith,  and  show- 
ing me  my  sin  in  having  drawn  back  from  that  close  com- 
munion. That  although  I  did,  in  a  measure,  still  walk  with 
God,  yet  I  could  not  say,  as  then,  /  live  not,  but  Christ  livetk 
in  me.*  I  had  depended  on  creatures  for  help,  and  therefore 
he  had  let  me  feel  the  weight  of  my  .burdens,  that  I  might  be 
constrained  to  cast  them  afresh  on  him ;  and  that  when  he  had 
proved  and  tried  me,  he  would  deliver  me  from  all  my  outward 
burdens.  As  a  pledge  of  the  inward  liberty  he  would  afterward 
bring  me  into,  and  that  the  ways  and  means  of  my  deliverance 
were  in  his  own  hands,  and  should  appear  in  the  appointed 
time,  those  words  were  again  brought  powerfully  to  my  mind : 
If  thou  put  away  iniquity  far  from  thy  tabernacle-— So  shall 
thou  lift  up  thy  face  unto  God.  Thou  shalt  decree  a  thing, 
and  it  shall  be  established  unto  thce ;  and  the  light  shall 
shine  upon  thy  path.  Yea,  the  Almighty  shall  be  thy  de- 
fence, and  thou  shalt  have  plenty  of  silver.  He  showed  me 
that  all  my  perplexities  and  trials  were  only  the  thorn  hedge 
which  his  love  had  planted  around  me,  to  preserve  me  from  run- 
ning farther  astray.  It  was  a  profitable  and  melting  time. 

Prom  that  hour  I  began  to  take  my  meat  again  with  gladness 
and  singleness  of  heart.  During  the  above  time  of  prayer, 
while  I  was  asking  light  for  my  immediate  duties,  it  appeared 
to  me  best  to  take  Mr.  Taylor  down  with  us  to  Bath  ;  and  that 
from  the  time  I  did  so,  his  family  would  no  more  be  such  a 
burden  to  me.  And  truly  so  it  proved.  For  my  sister  met  me 
there,  and  was  greatly  struck  with  compassion  toward  him. 
She  helped  him  herself,  and  raised  him  many  friends ;  so  that 

*  The  truth  was,  I  believe,  she  had  not  that  lively  sense  of  it.  She  was  loaded 
•with  cares ;  but  they  were  all  consistent  with  purity. — ED. 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  71 

all  the  rest  of  the  time  the  family  were  under  my  roof,  the 
children  were  entirely  supported  with  the  help  which  arose 
from  that  journey.  I  saw  much  of  the  order  of  God  while  from 
home ;  and  after  six  months  I  returned  with  thankfulness ; 
though  not  without  that  kind  of  sensation  which  a  scourged 
child  would  have  in  returning  to  the  rod. 

I  must  here  mention  a  circumstance  which,  in  order  of  time, 
occurred  some  months  before.  In  my  deep  troubles,  especially 
after  the  conversation  with  the  friend  above  mentioned  con. 
cerning  marriage,  a  thought  occurred  to  my  mind, — "  Perhaps 
Mr.  Fletcher  is  to  be  my  deliverer.  May  not  that  be  the  way  to 
bring  me  out  of  these  incumbrancesl"  But  I  started  from  the 
very  idea,  lest  it  should  be  a  stratagem  of  Satan.  We  had  not 
seen  or  heard  from  each  other  for  more  than  fifteen  years.  Yet 
when  striving  to  find  out  some  way,  that  idea  would  frequently 
present  itself  before  me. 

In  the  month  of  August,  1777,  going  into  a  friend's  house 
who  was  just  come  from  the  conference,  he  said,  "  Do  you 
know  that  Mr.  Fletcher,  of  Madeley,  is  dying1!  Indeed  1  know 
not  but  he  is  dead.  If  he  hold  out  a  little  longer,  he  is  to  go 
abroad ;  but  it  is  a  pity,  for  he  will  die  by  the  way,  being  in 
the  last  stage  of  consumption."  I  heard  the  account  with  the 
utmost  calmness.  For  some  days  I  bore  his  burden  before  the 
Lord ;  and  constantly  offered  him  up  to  the  will  of  God.  A 
few  days  after,  another  of  my  acquaintance  wrote  word, — •'  Mr. 
Fletcher  is  very  bad ;  spits  blood  profusely,  and  perspires  pro- 
fusely every  night.  Some  have  great  hope  that  prayer  will 
raise  him  up ;  but,  for  my  part,  I  believe  he  is  a  dying  man,  as 
sure  as  he  is  now  a  living  one."  As  I  was  one  day  in  prayer, 
offering  him  up  to  the  Lord,  these  words  passed  my  mind  : 
"  The  prayer  of  faith  shall  save  the  sick,  and  the  Lord  shall 
raise  him  up."  I  said,  "  Lord,  I  da.re  not  ask  it ;  1  leave  it  to 
thy  sacred  will:  thy  will  be  done  !" 

The  following  thoughts  occurred  to  my  mind, — If  the  Lord 
should  raise  him  up,  and  bring  him  in  safety  back  to  England ; 
and  he  should  propose  such  a  step,  could  I  (loubt  its  being  of 
God,  after  such  an  answer  to  prayer  1  Yet  fearing  a  decep- 
tion, I  cried  to  the  Lord  to  keep  me  in  his  narrow  way,  what- 
ever I  might  suffer,  and  felt  an  unaccountable  liberty  to  ask 
the  following  signs,  if  it  really  were  of  him.  1.  That  Mr. 
Fletcher  might  be  raised  up.  2.  That  he  might  be  brought  back 
to  England.  3.  That  he  would  write  to  me  on  the  subject, 
before  he  saw  me,  though  we  had  been  so  many  years  asunder, 
without  so  much  as  a  message  passing  on  any  subject.  4.  That 
he  would,  in  that  letter,  tell  me,  it  had  been  the  object  of  his 
thoughts  and  prayers  for  some  years.  It  came  to  my  mind 
farther,  that  should  this  occur  in  the  end  of  the  year  1781,  it 


72  THE  LIFE  Of  [PART  111. 

would  be  a  still  greater  confirmation,  as  Providence  seemed  to 
point  to  me  that  season  as  a  time  of  hope. 

We  returned  from  Bath  in  the  beginning  of  the  year  1776. 
I  found  crosses  and  troubles  yet  awaited  me.  Mr.  ***was 
still  my  partner,  and  I  was  enabled  to  pay  him  and  every  cre- 
ditor the  full  interest  of  the  money  taken  up ;  but  not  to  lessen 
the  capital.  Indeed,  all  along  I  was  able  to  answer  every  de- 
mand. We  continued  our  trade  some  time  longer ;  but,  at 
length,  Mr.  *  *  *  found  my  fears  were  better  grounded  than  his 
hopes.  Instead  of  a  hundred  pounds  to  put  into  my  lap  (as  he 
expected)  each  year  toward  the  debt,  we  found,  on  the  strictest 
account  of  every  grain  of  corn,  pint  of  milk,  or  pound  of  butter, 
either  sold  or  used  in  the  family,  that  the  farm  did  not  pay  its 
own  way ;  though  he  had  put  many  things  on  a  cheaper  plan 
than  before.  The  interest  also  swallowed  up  so  great  a  part 
of  my  income,  that  it  was  not  possible  to  keep  more  than  half 
my  family  with  what  remained.  As  to  the  kilns,  I  had  neither 
money  nor  courage  to  work  them.  I  thought  of  many  expedients. 
I  strove,  I  worked  hard,  I  prayed ;  and  at  length  proposed  to 
the  members  of  my  family  to  disperse,  and  learn  some  little 
business,  and  I  would  aliow  each  what  I  could. 

Great  affliction  now  sat  on  every  face.  Tears  were  shed  in 
plenty.  They  alleged, — Till  you  can  get  rid  of  this  place  you 
must  live  here.  If  you  leave  it  empty  the  house  will  be  spoiled, 
and  that  will  injure  the  sale  ;  and  we  know  not  what  to  do,  nor 
how  to  turn.  After  being  twenty  years  with  you,  (said  one,) 
how  strange  will  a  new  situation  appear ! — And  I,  (said  ano- 
ther,) after  eighteen  years?  And  after  being  twelve  years 
together,  (said  some  others,)  how  hard  it  is  to  part !  It  was  a 
most  painful  time ;  and  I  saw  there  was  no  way,  but  first  to 
sell  the  pkce  and  then  disperse. 

But  now  a  door  seemed  to  open, — a  gentleman  sent  me  word 
that  he  would  bay  the  place,  stock,  lease,  and  all  together.  He 
was  a  man  both  of  fortune  and  of  honour,  and  really  wished  to 
help  me  out  of  my  difficulties.  The  price  which  he  offered 
would  bring  me  through  all,  and  leave  me  a  good  income.  Now 
I  began  to  look  up,  and  to  form  a  plan  for  my  future  life,  how 
to  settle  myself,  and  dispose  of  each  member  of  my  family.  I 
gave  an  account  of  every  particular,  and  the  bargain  was  in 
part  made.  But,  alas !  our  wisdom  is  folly  ! — He  took  a  fever, 
and  died  in  a  few  days  !  To  add  to  my  difficulties,  just  at  this 
time  my  brother  wrote  me  word,  that  it  would  be  throwing 
away  the  Laytonstone  estate  to  sell  it  with  so  long  a  lease 
upon  it ;  and  that  it  could  not  with  any  propriety  be  done.  I 
now  saw  but  one  way, — to  advertise  Cross  Hall,  and  sell  it  for 
what  I  could ;  and  paying  that  away  as  far  as  it  would  go,  strive 
yc-arly  to  lessen  the  remaining  part  of  the  debt  by  my  income  ; 
reserving  only  fifty  pounds  per  year  to  live  on,  and  out  of  it  to 


PART  III.)  MRS.  FLETCHER.  73 

help  my  friends.  But  I  recollected,  that  I  might  not  live  Ion? 
enough  thus  to  pay  the  debt  by  my  income.  I  had  still  a  strong 
confidence  in  a  promise  given  to  me  before  I  went  to  Bath,— 
that  no  one  should  lose  any  thing  by  me ;  yet  I  thought  it  was 
required  of  me  to  do  every  thing  in  my  power  toward  it. 

I  then  proposed  to  myself  to  keep  only  twenty  pounds  per 
year.  Nay,  I  thought,  how  can  I  have  a  right  even  to  twenty? 
Justice  is  before  mercy.  They  must  all  shift  for  themselves, 
and  I  will  do  the  same.  I  may  perhaps  find  some  little  busi- 
ness by  which  life  may  be  sustained,  till  my  affairs  take  a 
tavourable  turn.  It  is  true,  nobody  calls  in  their  money,  nor 
seems  to  have  a  fear  concerning  it ;  yet  it  is  my  duty  to  take 
the  more  ca/e  for  them,  because  of  their  confidence  in  me.  It 
may  be  supposed,  as  I  was  daily  striving  to  part  with  the  place, 
and  expecting  to  turn  out,  that  my  thoughts  were  frequently 
occupied  on  what  way  of  life  I  should  choose,  as  most  condu- 
cive to  the  glory  of  God ;  and  during  this  season,  the  Lord  did 
teach  me  many  lessons  of  poverty  and  resignation.  It  seemed 
to  me  no  manner  of  life  could  be  disagreeable,  if  I  had  but  a 
prospect  of  having  no  debts.  One  day  as  I  was  standing  at  a 
window  musing  on  this  subject,  I  saw  a  poor  man  driving  some 
asses  laden  with  sand,  by  which  he  gained  his  bread.  As  I 
looked  on  him,  a  spring  of  satisfaction  ran  through  my  mind, 
and  I  thought,— I  am  perfectly  willing  to  take  up  the  business 
of  that  man.  If  I  preserve  unsold  one  of  the  freehold  cottages, 
the  asses  might  graze  on  the  common,  and  I  could  follow  them 
with  something  to  sell.  There  were  but  few  trades  which  my 
conscience  would  suffer  me  to  follow ;  and  my  abilities  were 
equal  to  still  fewer.  But  to  any  thing  in  the  whole  world  would 
I  turn,  that  was  not  sinful,  rather  than  remain  in  debt.  I  do 
not  mean  that  I  decided  to  act  thus ;  but  so  conformed  was  my 
mind  to  poverty  at  this  time,  that  the  thought  of  even  that 
employment,  as  it  now  glanced  through  it,  gave  me  real  plea- 
sure-  However  °Pen  l  had  been  with  my  relations  concerning 
my  affairs  hitherto,  I  determined  to  conceal  all  personal  wants ; 
for  if  I  voluntarily  gave  up  my  income  for  the  payment  of  my 
iebts,  I  did  not  see  it  to  be  just  to  live  on  theirs ;  and  this 
would  not  have  been  difficult,  as  I  had  no  relation  that  lived 
within  two  hundred  miles. 

Sometimes  it  appeared  to  me  quite  clear,  that  Mr.  Fletcher 
was  the  friend  God  would  raise  up  for  me.  He  was  now  much 
recovered,  and  about  to  return  to  England.  However,  I  feared 
to  lay  any  stress  on  that ;  but  while  thinking  on  it,  I  received  a 
letter  from  a  friend,  informing  me  that  Mr.  Fletcher  had  settled 
abroad,  and  proposed  to  see  England  no  more.  This  was  a 
false  report ;  he  never  had  such  a  thought :  but  as  it  came  from 
an  intimate  friend,  I  had  reason  to  believe  it.  Thus  was  I  cut 
off  from  the  prospect  of  any  human  help  !  but  I  kept  to  my  old 


74  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

word,  "  My  soul,  wait  thou  upon  God :  from  him  cometh  my 
salvation." 

My  heart  was  much  oppressed.  I  had  not  advertised  the 
place,  because  some  advised  me  not,  saying  it  was  the  way 
rather  to  hurt  the  sale ;  nor  did  any  one  BO  much  as  inquire 
after  it,  though  my  mind  was  well  known.  I  could  now  only 
stand  still,  for  I  knew  not  which  way  to  go.  During  this  sus- 
pense, conversing  one  day  with  my  friend,  Mr.  *  *  *,  he  said, 
"  Indeed  I  am  at  a  loss  what  to  do  for  you.  I  thought  to  have 
helped  you  greatly  by  the  continuance  of  the  farm ;  but,  alas  '. 
I  wish  I  had  suffered  you  to  advertise  and  sell  it  for  any  thing 
six  years  ago ;  and  you  then  could  have  done  it.  It  is  now  too 
late.  The  nation  is  engaged  in  wars :  you  would  now  sell  it  for 
a  trifle.  I  consulted  some  friends  the  other  day,  who  all  agree 
that,  separate  from  the  stock,  you  must  not  expect  above  six 
hundred  pounds  for  the  whole  place.  You  are  ruined,  madam  '. 
You  withstand  the  order  of  God.  My  fortune  is  enough  for  you 
and  me.  But  you  cannot  see  in  my  light.  May  the  Lord  stand 
by  you  J  But  I  cannot  think  of  a  partnership  any  longer ;  the 
blame  would  fall  on  me  !" 

It  was  now  the  summer  of  1781.  The  seventh  of  June  in 
that  year,  I  entered  into  my  fourteenth  year  in  Yorkshire.  I 
had  all  along  an  impression,  that  about  that  season  something 
would  open.  One  day  as  I  was  walking  up  a  narrow  lane  which 
had  a  stile  at  the  top,  I  saw  a  flock  of  sheep  before  me.  The 
shepherd  had  hard  work  to  drive  them  on ;  they  seemed  deter- 
mined  to  turn  again.  I  thought,  well  they  may,  for  there  is  no 
gate,  no  way  through ;  what  can  he  wish  them  to  do]  He  forced 
them  along,  however,  with  dogs  and  sticks.  I  said  in  my  mind, 
"  These  sheep  are  like  me,  drove  on  in  a  narrow  path,  without 
any  way  to  get  out."  I  followed  at  a  distance,  expecting  every 
moment  they  would  turn  back  upon  me, — when  all  at  once  they 
began  to  run,  and  I  discovered  a  new  made  gate  in  a  spacious 
field  of  turnips.  In  a  minute  they  were  dispersed,  and  fell  to 
their  full  pasture  with  great  delight.  Faith  whispered  to  my 
heart, — so  shall  a  door  open  before  you  in  the  appointed 
time. 

That  passage  of  the  psalmist  was  much  impressed  on  my 
mind  at  this  time :  "  The  rod  of  the  wicked  shall  not  always 
remain  in  the  lot  of  the  righteous,  lest  the  righteous  put  forth 
his  hand  to  iniquity."  And  frequently  those  words  also  came 
with  power,  The  days  shall  be  shortened ;  by  which  I  rather 
thought,  some  change  would  take  place  in  the  beginning  of  the 
last  year  of  my  two  apprenticeships  in  Yorkshire.  And  now 
the  seventh  of  June  came ;  and  I  was  almost  constrained  to 
day,  Thou  hast  not  delivered  thy  people  at  all.  There  was  no 
appearance  of  any  such  thing;  all  was  dark. 
"All  was  with  sable  terror  hung." 


FART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  75 

I  have  continued  the  narrative  unbroken  through  this  cloudy 
arid  dark  day.  All  was  conflict  respecting  the  creatures ;  but 
the  Lord  tempered  the  evil  with  occasional  intimations  that" 

"  Behind  a  frowning  providence 
He  hid  a  smiling  face." 

Mrs.  Fletcher  was  thus  kept  from  "growing  weary  in  well 
doing,"  and  enabled  to  "believe  in  the  faithfulness  of  Him  who 
knoweth  the  way  of  the  righteous ;"  and  who  "  in  every  tempt- 
ation maketh  a  way  for  their  escape."  The  pious  reader  will 
wish  to  know  her  walk  with  the  Lord,  during  this  evil  day.  An 
extract  from  her  journal  will  give*  a  clear  view  of  this ;  and  it 
will  be  seen,  that  although  this  blessed  woman  was  thus  cast 
down,  she  was  not  forsaken ;  though  perplexed,  she  was  not, 
for  a  moment,  in  despair ;  she  still  "  looked,  not  at  the  things 
that  are  seen,  and  which  are  temporal,  but  at  the  things  which 
are  not  seen,  and  eternal."  She  felt  her  weakness ;  yea,  her 
utter  helplessness ;  yet  she  was  still  confident.  "  She  stood 
still  to  see  the  salvation  of  God." — ED. 

Sunday,  December,  1772. — My  health  is  yet  far  from  good. 
My  head  is  much  affected,  and  it  is  often  presented  to  my  mind 
that  1  shall  have  an  apoplexy.  It  is  a  painful  sensation.  Sud- 
den death  does  not  appear  to  me  as  pleasant.  I  seem  not  to 
have  my  evidence  clear  for  heaven.  "  Lord,  spare  me  a  little, 
that  I  may  recover  my  strength  before  I  go  hence,  and  am  no 
more  seen."  My  nerves  are  very  weak,  and  I  feel  a  lowness 
which  I  think  affects  my  mind  as  to  spiritual  things  ;  but  I  feel 
a  determination,  whether  weak  or  strong,  to  rise  early,  and  to 
visit  the  sick.  Lord,  give  me  to  make  the  most  of  my  short 
time !  and,  O  Jesus  !  give  me  power  to  keep  my  mind  always 
feed  on  thyself! 

January  16,  1773. — Waked  early,  and  was  going  to  rise,  but 
unprofitable  thoughts  crowded  into  my  mind.  My  distressing 
situation,  as  to  outward  things,  seemed  an  intolerable  burden, 
/and  I  was  betrayed  into  thinking  of  useless  plans  and  schemes, 
how  to  avoid  this  (as  I  think)  approaching  ruin.  Alas  !  with 
all  my  anxiety  and  care,  I  can  do  nothing.  All  I  strive  for  seems 
overturned.  O  Lord,  give  me  the  power  to  keep  every  thought 
stayed  on  thee !  This  day  I  have,  been  a  good  deal  hindered  by 
company  from  walking  by  my  rules,  and  I  see  I  ought  to 
receive  every  thing  that  occurs  more  immediately  from  the 
hand  of  God. 

January  17. — Being  very  poorly,  and  the  weather  bad,  I 
thought  I  would  spend  this  day  quietly  at  home,  and  set  apart 
.three  hours  for  solemn  examination,  and  fresh  dedication  jf 
myself  to  God ;  and  I  found  it  good  so  to  do.  At  night  I  "clt. 
jnuch  recollection,  and  had  freedom  in  meeting  the  peopK 


76  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

January  21,  Friday. — For  a  few  days  past  I  have  been  enabled 
to  keep  in  mind,  That  the  cross  is  my  chosen  portion.  Much 
taken  up  to-day  in  domestic  affairs,  in  which  I  found  my  mind 
recollected.  A  good  deal  also  with  the  poor  and  sick,  who 
came  for  advice.  I  seemed  to  be  in  my  own  element.  But 
when  in  a  more  public  way,  I  do  not  seem  as  much  in  my  place. 
Company  does  not  agree  with  my  soul. 

January  25. — Rose  early,  but  not  having  much  time  for 
prayer,.  I  was  oif  my  guard,  and  spoke  very  unkindly  to  A.  T. 
I  have  not  been  with  God  much  to-day ;  yet  I  seem  to  have  had 
a  cry  in  my  heart  to  him.  At  night  I  again  gave  way  to  a  hasty 
spirit.  Alas !  I  seem  to  love  to  find  fault,  and  to  oblige  others 
to  see  in  my  light,  and  so  justify  me.  Oh  how  unlike  that  holy 
simplicity  I  felt  for  a  little  while  when  at  Hoxton ! 

February  2. — Since  I  wrote  last,  I  trust  I  have  been  in  a 

growing  frame.  I  went  this  day  to  A .  Had  a  good  time 

in  speaking  from  those  words,  O  Nebuchadnezzar,  we  are  not 
careful  to  answer  thee  in  this  matter* 

February  17. — This  day  in  reading  Mr.  Fletcher's  Fourth 
Check,  I  found  my  soul  much  stirred  up.  Oh  for  the  close  walk 
with  God  which  he  describes ! 

February  28. — It 'was  this  week  laid  on  my  mind  to  go  with 

Richard  Taylor  to  A .  I  set  out  with  prayer.  When  we 

had  rode  a  few  miles,  the  horse  grew  very  ill.  We  stopped  at  a 
public  inn  just  out  of  the  town.  In  a  few  minutes  a  woman 
came  in,  who  had  observed  us ;  she  said,  lt  Here  are  two  or  three 
of  us  who  are  seeking  the  Lord,  just  going  to  meet  together  at  a 
house  hard  by, — pray  will  you  come  in  ?"  I  answered,  "  If  you 
will  let  a  few  of  the  neighbours  know,  that  some  strangers  are 
going  to  have  a  meeting,  we  will  come  in  for  half  an  hour."  In 
a  short  time  several  were  gathered,  and  we  had  a  comfortable 
season  with  them.  When  the  meeting  was  concluded,  R. 
Taylor  said,  "  If  any  of  you  who  have  a  larger  house,  will  open 
the  door,  we  will  spend  half  an  hour  with  you  in  the  morning 
before  we  set  off."  Several  offered.  The  largest  house  was 
fixed  on,  and  in  the  morning  we  had  a  good  meeting,  and 
much  of  the '  presence  of  God.  About  ten  we  set  out  for  the 
coal  pit  at  R- — .  Here  I  saw  a  little  of  what  the  Methodist 
preachers  see  much,  viz.  deep  poverty,  dirt,  and  cold ;  but  the 
Lord  gave  me  freedom  of  speech,  and  some  seemed  to  have  an 
ear  to  hear.  Lord !  let  me  not  be  a  delicate  disciple  ! 

July  24. — For  a  long  time  I  have  been  ill,  from  the  cold  I 

caught  at  R ,  and  my  eyes  being  bad  from  riding  so  many 

miles  in  a  strong  east  wind,1 1  have  been  uftfi^ibr  writing  since. 
On  the  29th  of  May  I  set  out  for  Harrowgate,  where  I  was 
advised  to  go  to  drink  the  waters.  We  got  in  on  Saturday 
night.  The  next  day  we  were  afflicted1  with  hearing  the  Sab- 
bath greatly  profaned  both  in  the  house  and  in  the  street. 


JA.RT  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  77 

Under  my  window  was  a  company  of  men  playing  at  horee- 
ehoe.  It  seemed  a  Heathen  country  indeed.  We  reproved 
them,  and  never  observed  the  Sabbath  so  broke  again  while  we 
stayed.  On  Monday  I  began  the  waters,  and  thought,  If  it 
does  not  please  the  Lord  that  I  should  get  good  for  my  body,  I 
will  strive  to  get  good  for  niy  soul.  I  will  give  myself  up  to 
prayer  and  reading.  I  have  no  opportunity  here  to  act  for  the 
souls  of  others.  'I  had  nearness  to  God ;  but  a  great  weight 
rested  on  my  mind.  There  were  no  lodgings  but  at  the  great 
inns,  and  ours  was  full  of  ungodly  company.  They  all  ate  at 
one  table ;  but  this  I  could  not  bear ;  therefore  I  got  a  bit  in 
my  own  room  when  they  had  done.  However,  their  talking, 
swearing,  laughing,  and  music,  I  was  forced  to  hear  all  day 
long.  Sometimes  a  strange  impression  came  on  my  mind,  that 
I  should  be  called  to  bear  my  testimony  for  God  to  all  the 
company  that  were  there ;  but  the  pain  that  it  brought  with  it 
was  exquisite. 

After  a  few  days,  I  was  asked  to  go  to  Pannel,  (about  a  mile 
from  Harrowgate,)  in  order  to  hold  a  meeting  at  the  house  of  a 
poor  woman,  who  had  taken  the  preachers  in  once  or  twice ; 
at  which  I  found  many  had  been  offended,  and  threatened  much, 
so  that  I  did  not  know  what  sort  of  treatment  I  was  likely  to 
meet  with.  Nevertheless  I  did  not  dare  to  refuse.  We  had  a 
profitable  time,  and  all  was  quiet.  Two  days  after,  I  heard 
that  some  of  the  chief  opposers  were  much  affected.  Glory  be 
to  God !  While  we  were  holding  the  meeting,  a  drunken  man 
came  by,  and  stopped  awhile  ;  then  went  on  to  the  inn  where 
I  lodged,  and  told  some  of  the  gentlemen,  that  the  lady  who  lived 
up  stairs  was  preaching  at  Pannel.  He  repeated  also  some  of 
the  words  he  had  heard  me  speak.  When  we  came  home  they 
watched  us  in,  and  my  maid  (who  was  a  pious  young  woman) 
going  into  the  kitchen,  they  flocked  about  her,  asking,  in  many 
questions,  what  her  mistress  had  been  doing  at  Pannel ! 

The  following  Sunday  the  company  sent  me  a  message  up 
etairs, — "  That  they  unanimously  requested  I  would  have  such  a 
meeting  with  them  in  the  great  ball  room."  This  was  a  trial 
indeed !  It  appeared  to  me,  I  should  seem  in  their  eyes  as  a 
bad  woman,  or  a  stage  player ;  and  I  feared  they  only  sought 
an  opportunity  to  behave  rudely.  Yet  I  considered,  I  shall  see 
these  people  no  more  till  I  see  them  at  the  judgment  seat  of 
Christ.  And  shall  it  then  be  said  to  me,  "  You  might  that  day 
have  warned  us,  but  you  would  not."  I  answered  them  imme- 
,  diately,  That  I  would  wait  on  them  at  the  time  appointed. 
They  behaved  very  well,  and  the  -presence  of  tiie  Lord  was 
with  us.  The  following  Sunday  they  made  the  same  request. 
Much  more  company  came  in,  even  from  High  Harrow- 
gate  ;  but  the  Lord  bore  me  through ;  and  glory  be  to 
him  we  had  some  fruit.  The  next  day  I  returned  home 
7* 


78  THE  LIFE  °F  [PART  m. 

better  in  health,  and  comfortable  in  mind.    All  praise  be  to 
the  Lord ! 

Sunday,  Oct.  17. — Reflecting  on  the  condition  of  Israel  at 
the  Red  Sea,  I  thought,  there  is  the  picture  of  my  situation.  1 
also  then  will  "  stand  still  and  see  the  salvation  of  God.  Thy 
will  be  done  !"  Yes,  my  adorable  Ixjrd,  strip  me  of  every  pen- 
ny ;  bring  me  not  only  to  poverty,  but  what,  I  far  more  dread, 
to  insolvency.  Yes  !  strip  me  even  of  reputation  ;  let  me  be 
as  "  the  filth  and  offscouring  of  all  things,"  only  let  me  have 
thy  approval,  and  all  shall  be  well.  Yes,  I  will  praise  thee  for 
i  ill,  and  most  for  the  severe. 

Oct.  18. — Finding  the  family  (which  now  consisted  of  men 
and  women,  boys  and  girls)  much  laid  on  my  mind ;  in  parti- 
cular the  children,  some  of  the  biggest  of  whom  seemed  getting 
into  snares ;  and  considering  that  several  must  soon  (because 
of  my  circumstances)  be  thrust  out  into  the  world,  I  spent  some 
time  in  pleading  with  the  Lord,  that  he  would  not  let  the 
expense  and  labour  which  had  been  laid  out  on  these  orphans 
be  all  in  vain,  but  that  they  might  be  truly  brought  to  God ; 
though  I  saw  we  must  be  dispersed,  through  the  losses  and 
trials  which  are  come  upon  me.  The  Bible  lay  open  before  me, 
and  I  cast?  my  eyes  on  those  words,  which  were  applied  with 
power  to  my  heart :  "  Yet,  behold,  there  shall  be  a  remnant 
that  shall  be  brought  forth,  both  sons  and  daughters, — behold, 
they  shall  come  forth  unto  thee,  and  thou  shalt  see  their  ways 
and  their  doings ;  and  ye  shall  be  comforted  concerning  the 
evil  I  have  brought  on  Jerusalem.  And  they  shall  comfort  you 
when  you  shall  see  their  ways  and  their  doings  ;  and  ye  shall 
know  that  I  have  not  done  without  cause,  all  that  I  have  done, 
saith  the  Lord." 

Saturday,  Nov.  6 — I  have  received  some  upbraiding  letters, 
asking  me  if  I  yet  believed  I  should  see  those  words  fulfilled, 
"  I  will  restore  to  you  the  ears  the  locusts  have  eaten."  In 
the  midst  of  my  trials,  it  is  sometimes  presented  to  my  mind, 
— Perhaps  the  Lord  will  draw  me  out  of  all  this  by  marriage. 
Opportunities  of  this  kind  occur  frequently  ;  but  no  sooner  do 
I  hear  the  offer,  but  a  clear  light  seems  to  shine  on  my  mind, 
as  with  this  voice  :  You  will  neither  be  holier  nor  happier  with 
this  man.  But  I  find  Mr.  Fletcher  sometimes  brought  before 
me,  and  the  same  conviction  does  not  intervene.  His  eminent 
piety,  and  the  remembrance  of  some  little  acts  of  friendship  in 
our  first  acquaintance,  look  to  me  sometimes  like  a  pointing  of 
the  finger  of  Providence.  And  yet  I  fear  lest  it  should  be  a 
trick  of  Satan  to  hurt  my  mind.  I  know  not  even  that  we  shall 
see  each  other  on  this  side  eternity.  Lord,  let  me  not  be  drawn 
into  a  sn?.re !  Well,  this  I  resolve  on,  to  strive  against  the 
thought ;  ,tnd  never  to  do  the  least  thing  toward  a  renewal  of 
our  correspondence.  No — I  will  fix  my  eye  on  t he  hundred 


PART   HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  79 

forty  and  four  thousand;  praying  only  to  live  and  die  to  God 
alone.  Whatever  is  the  will  of  God,  I  believe  he  mil  show  it 
to  me,  and  may  his  holy  will  be  done.  A  few  nights  ago,  as 
my  mind  was  burdened  lest  Satan  was  about  to  get  an  advan- 
tage over  me,  I  cried  to  the  Lord,  and  felt  much  sorrow.  In 
order  to  compose  my  mind,  (I  did  what  I  seldom  do,)  I  prayed 
the  Lord  to  direct  me  in  opening  to  some  passage  of  Scripture 
which  might  draw  me  to  himself,  and  compose  me  into  a  quiet 
frame.  I  took  up,  as  I  thought,  a  little  Bible  which  lay  before 
me,  but  (by  accident)  one  of  the  maids  had  put  her  small  Com- 
mon Prayerbook  in  the  place.  With  prayer  I  opened  it,  and 
cast  my  eyes  on  these  words :  "  Almighty  God,  who  at  the 
beginning  did  create  our  first  parents,  Adam  and  Eve,  and  did 
sanctify  and  join  them  together  in  marriage,  pour  upon  you  the 
riches  of  his  grace,  sanctify  and  bless  you,  that  you  may  please 
him  both  in  body  and  soul,  and  live  together  in  holy  love  unto 
your  lives'  end."  I  was  struck  with  the  words  ;  but  saw  the 
safest  way  was  a  quiet  attention  to  the  will  of  my  God,  on  which 
1  strove  to  lean  my  weary  spirit. 

Monday,  November  8. — My  mind  is  this  morning  affected 
in  a  solemn  manner.  It  seems  to  me  I  have  yet  more  of  the 
cross  to  expect,  and  more  bitter  cups  to  drink.  O  my  Lord, 
what  breaking  do  I  need !  Well,  do  all  thy  will,  so  I  may  but 
feel  that  promise  accomplished,  Thou  shalt  walk  with  me  in 
white.  Last  night  I  went  to  bed  recollected,  and  in  the  spirit 
of  prayer,  but  had  a  dream  which  I  cannot  understand,  though 
I  believe  it  to  be  from  God.  Perhaps  what  I  know  not  now  1 
may  know  hereafter.  I  thought  I  was  in  a  room  with  S.  C., 
A.  T.,  and  some  others.  Mr.  Fletcher  was  there,  sitting  with 
us,  and  speaking  of  the  things  relating  to  a  walk  with  God. 
At  last  he  said,  as  it  were  abruptly,  "  I  must  go  to  Bristol :  will 
any  of  you  go  with  me  ]"  A  woman  who  sat  by  him  said,  "  No, 
not  for  the  world.  You  know  not  what  you  will  have  to  suffer : 
the  devil  walks  there,  and  you  will  have  all  the  powers  of  hell 
to  grapple  with."  He  replied,  "  I  care  not  for  ten  thousand 
devils,  for  the  name  of  Jesus  will  conquer  them  all !"  He  then, 
turning  to  me,  said,  "  Will  you  go  with  me  7  Not  to  heip  me 
to  fight,  but  to  help  me  to  praise."  I  replied,  "  I  will  £o  ;  for 
while  we  trust  in  Jesus,  all  the  powers  of  hell  cannot  hann  us." 
I  had  no  remembrance  during  my  dream  of  his  being  a  single 
man,  or  any  thing  that  had  passed  in  my  mind  before.  In  all 
I  said  and  did,  I  seemed  acted  upon  by  another  spirit  rather 
than  my  own. 

November  15. — In  reading  Mr.  Elliott's  Life  this  day,  I 
received  a  fresh  conviction,  how  blessed  an  employment  it  ig 
to  receive  and  comfort  the  messengers  of  the  Lord,  who  have 
left  their  houses,  and  all  the  conveniences  of  life,  to  preach  the 
Gospel.  God  hath  given  me  a  home,  though  Christ  had  not 


80  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

where  to  lay  his  head ;  and  here  I  have  the  honour  and  privi- 
lege of  giving  a  cup  of  water  to  his  prophets.  Lord,  teach  me 
to  do  it  with  more  diligence  ! 

December  2. — This  day,  as  brother  Bramah  was  meeting  my 
band,  he  related  an  anecdote  of  a  young  man,  which  was  blest 
to  me.  He  was  leader  of  a  band  of  young  men,  all  desirous  of 
giving  their  whole  hearts  to  God ;  but  it  «eemed  to  them  they 
could  not  see  the  way  clearly.  One  night  he  dreamed  he  was 
at  the  bottom  of  a  deep  but  dry  well,  with  his  little  company. 
He  told  them  if  they  remained  there  they  must  perish,  and 
exhorted  them  to  strive  hard  to  get  out.  Accordingly  they 
exerted  all  their  strength,  endeavouring  to  get  up,  but  all  in 
vain.  At  last  they  were  quite  discouraged,  and  said,  "  What 
must  we  do  1"  "  Truly,"  said  he,  "  I  know  not ;"  but  looking 
up,  he  saw  in  the  sky  a  little  bright  spot  which  did  not  appear 
larger  than  half  a  crown.  He  looked  at  it  for  some  time,  when 
feeling  himself  move,  he  looked  down  into  the  well,  and  found 
to  his  surprise  he  was  risen  some  feet  from  the  bottom.  As 
soon  however  as  he  looked  down  he  began  to  sink  again.  "  O," 
said  he,  "  now  I  have  found  the  way  out  of  the  well !  It  is  by 
looking  steadily  on  yonder  bright  spot ;"  on  which  fixing  his 
eye,  he  was  brought  up  in  a  short  time,  and  his  feet  were  set 
on  firm  ground.  This  discovery  of  the  way  of  faith,  was  great- 
ly blessed  both  to  him  and  his  brethren.  I  am  convinced,  could 
I  thus  constantly  look  to  Jesus,  as  the  author  and  finisher  of 
my  faith,  the  work  of  sanctification  would  be  going  on  without 
hinderance. 

December  17. — Last  Friday  I  went  to  Leeds  to  meet  some 
classes.  O  how  much  do  I  suffer  for  every  meeting  I  propose ! 
The  enemy  follows  me  hard  with  such  buffeting  fears  and  dis- 
couragements as  I  cannot  express.  However,  I  determined  to 
go,  and  leave  the  event  to  God.  At  Mrs.  C.'s  many  came  in  to 
tea,  and  being  a  mixed  company,  I  thought,  Lord,  give  me 
something  profitable  to  say,  or  keep  me  silent ;  and  blessed  be 
God  it  was  a  profitable  time.  After  tea  Iconversed  alone  with 
one  in  deep  distress, — and  read  in  the  providences  she  men- 
tioned, a  wonderful  display  of  the  wisdom,  condescension,  and 
guardian  care  of  the  Lord  Jesus.  When  I  returned  into  the 
dining  room,  a  large  class  was  ready  for  me,  and  the  Lord  was 
very  present.  Glory  be  to  his  name,  he  never  fails  his  poor 
unworthy  dust !  Then  Mrs.  Clapham  asked  me  if  my  strength 
would  hold  out  to  meet  the  children.  I  assented,  and  also  found 
some  liberty.  Immediately  I  began  the  second  class,  and  there 
I  found  the  Lord  was  very  good  indeed ;  but  my  strength  almost 
failed.  After  the  people  w.ere  gone,  I  talked  closely  with  Mr. 
H. ;  I  trust  not  quite  in  vain.  It  being  now  late,  we  got  a  little 
supper,  and  went  to  bed.  I  had  but  little  rest,  being  very  fever- 
ish. Indeed  I  am  seldom  well  in  a  town.  Next  day  we  visited 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  81 

several  in  peculiar  states  and  circumstances,  and  here  also  I 
saw  the  Lord's  hand.  In  the  afternoon  I  returned  home  in 
peace. 

December  20. — This  was  on  the  whole  a  good  day.  Taking 
some  time  in  the  Hermitage,  my  soul  was  refreshed.  My  situ- 
ation is  perplexing ;  but  I  feel  myself  calmly  fixed  on  the  will 
of  God.  I  can,  I  do,  believe  he  will  not  let  me  take  any  step 
that  is  not  for  his  glory.  And  if  I  do  not  get  out  of  his  order,- 
I  care  for  nothing  else. 

December  30. — Waked  early,  and  after  losing  some  time, 
(though  kept  from  unprofitable  thoughts,)  I  arose  about  five, 
and  was  blessed  in  prayer ;  but  afterward  found  myself  very 
stupid,  dull,  and  heavy.  I  went  to  see  some  sick  people,  and 
their  words  were  animating.  I  was  humble  while  they  record- 
ed several  meetings  in  which  my  words  had  been  blessed  to 
them.  O  my  God,  let  me  not  help  others  into  liberty,  and  my- 
self remain  in  bondage.  I  heard  also' to-day  of  some  in  Leeds 
that  were  brought  into  a  fuller  measure  of  love, — and  that  they 
had  been  blessed  ever  since  my  being  there.  All !  Lord,  how 
will  this  rise  against  me  if  I  am  not  filled  with  thee  !  On  all 
sides  I  hear  of  my  words  being  blessed,  and  yet  I  am  only  a 
poor .  pipe  through  which  it  passes.  Lord,  let  me  never 'rest" 
till  I  nave  full  redemption  in  thy  blood.  Sometimes  all  my 
soul  is  on  the  stretch;  but  then  I  rest  again,  and  other  cares 
my  heart  divide.  How  long !  O  Lord !  How  long ! 

January  1,  1774. — And  do  I  yet  see  another  year  ?  Lord, 
with  what  improvement  ?  Shine  on  my  soul,  while  I  examine 
for  an  answer.  Blessed  be  thy  name  !  I  have  more  faith  than 
last  year,  I  have  more  power,  and  my  mouth  is  more  open  to 
speak  for  thee.  I  am  more  deeply  convinced  of  my  vileness, 
which  is  such  as  none  can  conceive.  I  am  also  more  on  stretch 
for  holiness. 

January  15,  Friday  night. — This  day  I  set  apart  as  a  fast. 
All  the  morning  I  was  tossed  much  with  thoughts  of  temporal 
difficulties,  R.  T.  being  quite  unwilling  to  come  into  any  scheme 
I  can  propose.  In  the  afternoon  I  found  more  liberty  in  prayer ; 
I  was  as  in  an  agony.  I  said,  "  Lord,  if  it  can  be  consistent 
with  thy  justice  to  make  such  a  sinner  as  I  entirely  holy,  do  it ! 
Do  it  for  thy  name's  sake !  Give  me  once  more  what  thou 
gavest  me  at  Hoxton.  Do  it,  Lord  !  in  thy  own  way  ;  I  sub- 
mit myself  to  any  condition  ;  only  make  and  keep  me  holy." 
My  life  seemed  as  if  it  would  go  from  me,  and  my  hands  were 
so  strained  by  the  grasp,  (which  I  afterward  found  they  had  of 
each  other,)  that  I  could  hardly  use  them  for  some  time.  But 
I  did  not  gain  the  blessing  I  wanted. 

February  6. — Blessed  be  my  adorable  Saviour,  I  am  kept 
from  all  condemnation.  I  feel  I  am  so  born  of  God,  I  do  not 
Commit  sin.  But  I  have  not  that  liberty  of  aoul,  that  cloee 


82  THE  LIFE  OF  [FART   III. 

communion  which  I  want,  and  believe  to  be  my  privilege.  O 
my  Saviour,  shine  more  clearly !  let  me  fully  enter  into  the 
good  land  ! 

Saturday,  February  19. — Glory  be  to  God,  I  have  been  kept 
in  peace  this  week,  and  my  soul  seems  nearer  to  God.  Yet  I 
do  not  seem  to  have  got  "  salvation  appointed  for  walls  and 
bulwarks  ;" — I  am  but  a  little  child.  But,  "  Lord,  I  am  thine, 
save  me."  As  to  my  outward  affairs,  they  are  not  now  such  a 
weight, — I  have  cast  them  on  the  Lord,  and  I  embrace  his  will. 
He,  without  whom  "a  sparrow  does  not  fall  to  the  ground," 
will  not  leave  nor  forsake  his  poor  helpless  creature. 

Monday,  22. — Yesterday  was  a  day  of  trial.  Mr.  *  *  *  preach- 
ed at  Morley,  and  then  came  here.  He  really  grows  in  grace, 
and  his  word  is  attended  with  power.  I  was  much  pained  in 
conversing  with  him  to  see  the  grief  of  mind  occasioned  by  his 
attachment.  O  my  God,  indulge  me  in  this !  Show  me  some 
way  out  of  this  embarrassment. 

Saturday,  27. — A  solemn  day  to  my  soul.  •  I  was  kept  in 
peace  while  busy  in  domestic  affairs.  Home  always  agrees 
with  my  soul.  It  is  seven  weeks  to-morrow,  since  I  have  been 
constantly  kept  as  the  clay  before  the  potter :  yet  still  how  far 
below  my  privilege  I  live  ! 

Sunday,  September  26. — I  did  not  rise  quite  in  so  spiritual  a. 
frame  as  I  wished.  Lord,  let  me  not  lose  ground.  I  was  bless- 
ed in  the  meeting  afterward ; — and  in  reading  the  'Essay  on 
Truth,  in  Mr.  Fletcher's  Equal  Check,  page  162.  Lord,  give 
me  to  live  in  that  constant  act  of  faith  !  It  is  the  very  mar- 
row of  the  Gospel.  How  delightfully  it  is  distinguished  from 
Antinomian  presumption  !  It  has  of  a  truth  been  food  to  my 
soul.  In  prayer  this  night  I  found  power  to  lay  open  all  my 
troubles  before  the  Lord,  and  to  take  fast  hold  on  that  word", 
"  Seek  ye  first  the  kingdom  of  God,  and  his  righteousness,  and 
all  these  things  shall  be  added  unto  you."  I  cannot  tell  how 
to  express  the  power  I  felt  in  those  words,  All  these  things  .' 
I  saw  Jesus  had  undertaken  my  whole  cause. 

December. — I  feel  my  faith  rather  increased.  I  have  this 
day  been  examining  the  state  of  my  soul  as  to  the  progress  I 
have  made  this  year, — and  inquiring  of  the  Lord  why  I  do  not 
grow  much  faster,  and  sink  into  a  much  deeper  acquaintance 
with  God.  It  appears  to  me  that  the  reason  is,  I  do  not  valiant- 
ly resist  every  thought  that  presents  itself,  but  suffer  my  eyes 
to  be  turned  off  from  my  Saviour. — In  particular,  I  lose  much 
time  in  searching  for  ways  out  of  my  present  trials.  It  seem? 
often  a  duty  to  do  so ;  and  my  mind  is  carried  away,  till 
recalled  by  that  word,  "  Thou  canst  not  make  one  hair  white 
or  black." 

February  1,  1775. — I  was  much  blessed  at  the  Wednesday 
meeting.  For  some  time  these  words  have  been  with  txs 


?ART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  83 

"  Delight  thyself  in  the  Lord,  and  he  will  give  thee  the  desire 
of  thy  heart." 

February  28. — I  fear  my  soul  has  lost  ground  this  month,  O 
what  a  narrow  path  do  we  tread  !  How  true  also  is  that  word, 
Without  me  ye  can  do  nothing !  In  the  beginning  of  this 
month  I  wrote  that  precious  word,  Delight  thyself  in  the  Lord ; 
but,  alas  !  instead  of  delight,  I  feel  sorrow  of  heart !  A  little 
time  since  I  had  a  particular  trial  with  *  *  *.  What  was  pro- 
posed seemed  hard  and  unreasonable  ;  and  I  forgot  the  Chris- 
tian motto,  "  Do  good,  and  suffer  ill."  I  got  my  eye  turned 
off  from  Jesus,  and  then  I  no  longer  felt  the  love  that  never 
faileth.  This  deeply  wounded  me.  At  night  I  felt  a  drop  of 
healing  balm,  but  my  spirit  remains  to  this  day  much  discou- 
raged. 

May. — /  am  a  woman  of  a  sorrowful  spirit.  My  affairs 
are  perplexing  indeed !  Yet  something  seems  to  say,  It  is  for 
an  appointed  time.  But  all  this  I  should  not  regard,  if  my 
soul  was  always  filled  with  love.  I  sometimes  seem  to  get  all 
obstacles  removed,  and  then  I  reflect  the  image  of  my  Saviour, 
and  all  is  quiet,  calm,  and  peace.  Floods  of  trial  do  not  seem 
to  move  me.  But  though  I  thus  taste  of  the  pure  river  now 
and  then,  I  do  not  abide  in  the  faith,  and  therefore  I  do  not 
abide  in  liberty. 

May  28. — This  day  I  set  apart  for  prayer,  to  inquire  of  the 
Lord,  why  I  am  so  held  in  bondage  about  speaking  in  public. 
It  cannot  be  expressed  what  I  suffer, — it  is  known  only  to  God 
what  trials  I  go  through  in  that  respect.  Lord,  give  me  more 
humility,  and  then  I  shall  not  care  for  any  thing  but  thee ! 
There  are  a  variety  of  reasons  why  it  is  such  a  cross.  The 
other  day  one  told  me, — "  He  was  sure  I  must  be  an  impudent 
woman  ;  no  modest  woman,  he  was  sure,  could  proceed  thus." 
Ah !  how  glad  would  nature  be  to  find  out, — Thou,  Lord,  dost 
not  require  it !  Mr.  William  Bramah  observed  to-day,  "  The 
reason  why  your  witness  is  not  more  clear,  is  because  you  do 
not  glorify  God  by  believing,  and  more  freely  declaring  what 
he  hath  done  for  your  soul."  He  spake  much  on  these  words, 
"  What  things  soever  ye  ask  in  prayer,  believe  that  ye  receive 
them,  and  ye  shall  have  them."  His  words  came  with  power, 
and  my  soul  got  a  farther  hold  on  Jesus.  I  do  see  that  by  his 
death  he  hath  purchased  perfect  salvation  for  all  who  believe  ; 
and  that  we  receive  it  in  proportion  as  we  thus  believe.  "  Be 
it  unto  you  'according  to  your  faith,"  is  the  word  of  the  Lord. 
Then  I  will,  I  do  cast  my  whole  soul  on  thee !  O  let  me  find 
salvation  as  walls  and  bulwarks  ! 

September  10,  Sunday. — I  rose  this  morning  with  a  sore 

weight  on  my  mind.  It  was  given  out  for  me  to  be  at  D . 

There  was  much  wind  and  rain,  and  the  roads  were  very  bad. 
I  feared  the  journey.  I  feared  also  I  should  have  nothing  to 


84  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  HI. 

say  when  I  came  there  ; — I  feared  all  manner  of  things.  Those 
words,  however,  came  to  my  mind,  "  Take  no  thought  what  ye 
shall  say."  I  then  felt  myself  led  to  consider  these  words, 
•'  Repent !  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven  is  at  hand."  I  found 
some  liberty  in  speaking  from  them,  and  the  people  were  affect- 
ed. '  As  I  was  riding  back,  I  clearly  saw  I  was  called  to  stand 
still ;  to  live  the  present  moment,  and  always  to  praise  the 
Lord  that  his  will  was  done,  though  I  might  have  much  to 
suffer.  I  had  a  clear  conviction,  God  brought  me  to  Yorkshire, 
and  that  I  had  a  message  to  this  people :  and  that  notwith- 
standing the  darkness  which  hung  over  my  situation,  I  was  at 
present  where  God  would  have  me.  WeU  then,  answered  my 
heart,  if  I  am  but  in  his  will  I  am  safe ;  for  where  the  Lord 
leads  me,  there  he  will  be  my  light. 

September  12,  Tuesday. — This  day  I  am  thirty-six  years 
old.  I  have  been  throughout  the  day  kept  in  the  spirit  of 
prayer.  Lord,  I  offer  up  myself,  body  and  soul,  to  thee !  It 
came  to  me,  Thy  captivity  is  long.  Well,  I  will  wait  thy 
time,  O  Lord ! 

November  5,  Sunday. — Did  not  rise  early,  but  was  kept 
recollected.  In  the  morning  I  was  watchful  as  to  words,  but 
at  noon  I  talked  too  long  with  A.  T.  That  is  an  admirable 
rule  of  Mr.  Wesley's,  never  to  be  more  than  an  hour  in  the 
same  company  where  it  can  be  avoided.  I  also  spoke  some 
evil  of  M.  M.  by  repeating  what  was  not  needful.  O  when 
shall  I  know  what  that  meaneth,  "  He  that  offendeth  not  in 
word,  the  same  is  a  perfect  man,  and  able  also  to  bridle  the 
whole  body." 

November  12,  Sunday. — Went  to  bed  late  last  night,  but  in 
a  degree  recollected,  though  rather  hurried  with  fear  lest  I 
should  lie  too  long  in  the  morning.  When  I  rose,  I  found  the 

weather  was  very  severe.  However,  I  went  to  A .  The 

extreme  cold  almost  took  away  my  senses.  Yet  we  had  a  com- 
fortable meeting,  and  many  people. 

January  5,"  1776. — I  find  it  very  hard  to  be  recollected  in 
private  prayer.  To-day  I  tried  the  following  plan  with  some 
advantage.  I  placed  my  watch  on  the  bed,  that  I  might  know 
when  the  hour  was  out.  I  first  strove  to  consider  myself  as 
in  the  presence,:  of  God, — as  before  the  throne,  worshipping 
with  the  heavenly  host.  Then  I  strove  with  recollection  to 
repeat  the  Lord's  prayer,  giving  each  sentence  full  scope  in 
my  ..lind.  In  the  words,  Our  Father,  I  felt  a  powerful  remem- 
brance of  Him,  "  after  whom  the  whole  family  in  heaven  and 
earth  is  named,"  and  with  delight  I  then  repeated,  Hallowed 
be  thy  name !  That  sentence,  Thy  kingdom  come,  was  roach 
opened  to  my  soul.  I  see  that  kingdom  is  the  great  promise 
of  the  Father,  which  Christ  said  he  would  send  upon  nis  chil- 
dren. That  indeed  is  "  the  kingdom  which  suffers  violence 


PART  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  85 

and  the  violent  take  it  by  force."  As  I  repeated,  Thy  will  be 
done  on  earth  as  it  is  in  heaven,  I  felt 

"  The  will  of  God  my  sure  defence, 
Nor  earth  nor  hell  can  pluck  me  thence." 

Give  us  this  day  our  daily  bread.  Is  he  not  our  own  Father  ? 
Is  he  not  engaged  to  provide  for  his  babes  ?  Well  then,  thought 
I,  freedom  from  debt  is  more  to  me  than  bread,  and  will  he  not 
preserve  me  from  this  1  It  was  then  brought  to  my  mind,  "  The 
Lord  is  my  Shepherd,  I  shall  not  want."  In  the  next  petition, 
Forgive  me  as  I  forgive,  Oh !  what  a  cry  did  I  feel  for  more 
love !  Lord,  must  I  say, 

"  That  mercy  I  to  others  show 
That  mercy  show  to  me." 

Ah  no !  I  will  rather  cry  out, 

"  Mercy,  good  Lord  !  mercy  I  ask, 

It  is  the  total  sum  ; 
For  mercy.  Lord,  is  all  my  plea, 
O  let  thy  mercy  come  !" 

"  With  what  measure  ye  mete,  it  shall  be  measured  to  you 
again !"  O  how  would  that  cut  ine  off  from  all  hope,  were  it 
not  for  those  words,  "  The  bloocJ  of  Jesus  cleanseth  from  all 
sin  !"  Lead  us  not  into  temptation.  How  hath  this  prayer 
been  answered  to  me  !  HOW  would  I  have  ran  into  ruin,  but 
thou  didst  not  suffer  the  cemptation  to  approach.  Thou  didst 
keep  my  powers  as  with  bit  and  bridle,  and  conquered  for 
me  ;  and  that  whe»  I  did  not  strive,  or  even  know  my  danger. 
But  deliver  us  from  evil.  Lord,  I  am  a  desolate  woman,  who 
hath  no  helper  but  thee.  O  keep  me  from  evil  of  every  kind  ; 
"thoroughly  purge  away  my  dross,  and  take  away  all  my  tin." 
For  all  is  thine  for  ever  and  ever.  This  I  am  assured  of, 
when  the  soul  turns  inward  to  seek  the  Lord,  that  moment  he 
turns  to  it  and  smiles  upon  it ;  and  if  it  abide  with  him,  it  will 
always  grow.  But  as  of  a  healthy  child,  one  does  not  see  it 
grow,  and  yet  it  doth  ;  so  the  soul,  surrounded  by  temptation, 
may  not  discover  its  growth ;  nevertheless  the  sun  does  not 
more  freely  give  its  light  and  warmth  to  the  earth,  than  the 
beams  of  the  immaterial  Sun  meets  the  seeking  soul. 

January  21. — I  went  to-day  to  see  some  sick,  among  whom 
was  the  mother  of  a  young  man,  who,  about  four  years  ago, 
came  to  our  Sunday  night's  meeting.  It  pleased  the  Lord  to 
awaken  him,  and  soon  after  he  died  happy.  On  his  death  bed 
he  entreated  his  mother  and  sister,  that  they  would  attend  the 
meetings  as  he  had  done.  Some  time  after,  the  eldest  sis'ei 
came  to  me  for  advice  among  the  other  patients.  Conversing 
with  her,  I  perceived  she  had  some  convictions,  and  invited 
her  to  meet  with  a  few  persons  which  I  had  collected.  She  did 
so,  and  seemed  to  drink  in  instruction  as  the  parched  ground 
8-  • 


86  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  HI. 

the  softening  shower.  After  a  few  weeks  she  was  set  at  liber- 
ty.  She  was  now  desirous  her  mother  might  share  in  her 
felicity.  She  begged  me  to  visit  her,  as  she  was  too  infirm  to 
come  out.  Accordingly  I  went,  but  found  her  so  ignorant,  and 
so  exceedingly  weak  as  to  her  understanding,  that  it  seemed 
almost  impossible  to  do  her  any  good.  After  some  time,  she 
appeared  under  some  concern ;  and  her  complaint  then  was, 
to  use  her  own  words,  "  O  that  I  could  but  get  a  smile  from 
God !"  Her  convictions  continued  to  increase,  and  she  would 
cry,  "  O  what  shall  I  do  7  Shall  I  never  be  saved  !  O  how 
easily  did  Betty  come  to  it,  while  I  cannot  get  one  smile,  not 
one  look  from  God !  The  face  of  the  Almighty  is  all  dark  to 
me,  as  dark  as  darkness  itself."  The  Lord  was  then  pleased 
to  lay  her  on  a  sick  bed,  in  a  very  painful  disorder.  Finding 
nothing  gave  her  any  relief,  and  believing  she  must  die,  she 
was  in  great  distress,  and  said  to  her  daughter,  "  My  dear,  my 
pain  is  greater  than  I  can  bear  !  I  cannot  live  over  this  night. 
I  pray  thee  go  to  mistress,  and  see  if  she  can  order  me  some- 
thing." "  O  mother,"  said  she,  "  I  know  not  how  to  go,  we 
have  had  so  much  in  former  illnesses.  I  fear  it  will  seem  as 
if  we  were  imposing  on  her ;  let  me  go  to  the  doctor  again  !" 
The  old  woman  lying  in  gr^at  distress,  at  length  cried  out, 
"  Thou  wilt  order  me  a  medicine,  Lord !  I  can  believe  thou 
wilt.  But  shall  I  have  no  share  ii\  thy  glory  1"  Then,  as  she 
expressed  it,  "  It  went  through  my  mind  with  power,  '  I  will 
have  mercy  on  thee !  I  will  receive  thee  at  the  eleventh  hour !' 
O  what  did  I  then  feel !  Such  comfort  carne  over  me  as  1  can 
never  tell.  I  did  not  mind  the  pain,  I  believed  it  would  be 
removed.  But  my  soul !  O  !  what  a  change  did  it  feel !  Why, 
the  dark  face  of  God  was  all  light. !  I  thought  before,  that  he 
hated  me  for  my  sins ;  but  now  I  saw  he  loved  me.  Yes,  I 
saw  he  had  loved  me  all  my  life,  and  had  been  inviting  me  to 
come  to  him  ;  but  I  did  not  understand.  And  now,  O  !  how  1 
love  him  !  Yes,  I  love  my  God  better  than  I  ever  loved  my  best 
bairn  (child).  O  it  is  a  brave  thing!  And  what  a  change  it 
makes !  Why,  one  is  quite  a  new  creature  !  And  it  has  made 
me  see  things  quite  different  from  what  I  did  before.  I  used 
to  chafe  and  fret,  when  any  thing  went  wrong,  and  thought 
things  were  very  hard ;  but  now  I  see  nothing  is  hard ;  all  is 
love  !  So  "..  never  do  complain  now."* 

*  As  it  was  in  the  days  of  the  personal  ministry  of  the  Son  of  God,  so  it  is  in 
these  his  Spirit's  Gospel  days : — "  He  hides  those  things  from  the  wise  and  pru- 
dent, and  r  i-^ealelh  them  unto  babes.  The  weary  and  heavy  laden,  who  believe," 
Matt,  xi,  'i5 -30.  How  easy  it  is  to  forget  this !  How  hard  to  keep  it  in  remem- 
brance, and  to  allow  it  its  due  weight !  Did  ever  any  man,  since  the  days  of  St. 
Paul,  more  fully,  or  more  constantly,  appreciate  this  than  Mr.  Wesley  7  It  was 
the  principle  that  governed  and  directed  his  whole  life  and  labours :  and  on  which 
account  he  denominated  the  fruit  of  those  labours,  "  The  tcork  of  God."  A  work 
which  he  began,  supported,  and  prospered ;  and  in  respect  to  which  Mr.  We«lfiy 


PART  III.)  MRS.   FLETCHER.  87 

Her  daughter  came  to  me,  and  told  me  (as  well  as  she  could) 
how  her  mother  was ;  but  her  disorder  was  so  peculiar,  and  so 
badly  described,  that  I  was  on  the  point  of  saying,  I  cannot  do 
any  thing  for  her,  when  all  at  once  a  mixture  came  into  my 
mind.  I  went  and  made  it  up.  The  first  spoonful  gave  her 
ease ;  and  soon  after  quite  removed  the  disorder.  All  I  can 
way  on  this  extraordinary  case  is,  the  Lord  would  have  it  so. 
The  medicine  was  not  an  opiate,  but  in  itself  a  very  simple 
thing ;  but  when  the  Lord  will  bless,  who  shall  stay  his  hand  1 
Thou  art  a  God  who  hears  and  answers  prayer. 

January  30. — Last  night  I  met  the  classes  at  A .  Much 

of  the  power  of  the  Lord  was  present.  But,  Oh  !  I  am  not 
what  I  would  be,  Lord !  How  is  it  I  seem  to  get  so  slowly 
forward !  This  morning  I  rose  early,  and  found  it  good.  Self- 
denial  agrees  with  my  soul,  but  I  use  too  little  of  it. 

February  4. — Last  Wednesday  I  had  a  remarkable  preserva- 
tion. Going  to  take  my  bark  mixture,  my  mind  being  much 
taken  up  with  what  I  had  been  writing,  I  took  a  bottle  ot 
laudanum,  which  through  a  strange  providence  was  not  then 
locked  up,  a  circumstance  which  seldom  happens.  I  took  four 
tea  spoonfuls  and  a  half  of  it.  As  soon  as  1  had  swallowed  it, 
I  perceived  what  it  was  ;  and  thought  I  must  take  a  large  dose 
of  ipecacuanha.  I  looked  for  it,  but  could  not  find  it,  though 
it  stood  very  near  me.  I  knew  my  life  depended  on  the  present 
moment ;  and  thought,  perhaps  the  Lord  has  appointed  to  take 
me  this  way.  I  found  my  mind  calmly  stayed  on  God,  and 
those  words  came  arrnss  it,  "  These  signs  shall  follow  those 
that  believe  :  if  they  drink  any  deadly  thing,  it  shall  not  hurt 
them."  I  went  into  Mrs.  Crosby's  room,  and  told  them  what 
had  happened.  Having  medicines  in  the  parlour,  we  went 
down  to  look  there  for  the  ipecacuanha,  but  there  was  none. 
We  returned  to  my  room,  and  found  it.  I  took  about  thirty 
.grains.  We  then  joined  in  prayer.  For  half  an  hour  it  had  no 
effect.  I  thought  it  would  then  have  no  power,  as  the  opiate 
must  in  that  time  have  taken  hold  of  the  nerves  of  the  stomach. 
But  it  soon  after  operated,  and  brought  up  (it  seems)  both  the 
laudanum  and  ipecacuanha.  Fearing  the  whole  had  not  come 
away,  they  gave  me  another  dose ;  but  that  had  no  effect  at  all. 
I  felt,  however,  not  the  least  inconvenience.  In  the  night,  I  u 
little  rambled,  and  was  restless,  but  not  ill.  On  the  whole,  it 
was  a  comfortable  dispensation.  I  had  been  always  tempted 
to  think,  if  I  should  be  called  to  face  death  in  full  health,  I 
should  shrink  from  it.  But  now  that  I  fully  believed  it  to  be 
just  before  me,  my  soul  did  calmly  wait  on  the  Lord,  though 
not  with  joy,  yet  with  quiet  peace  ! 

Last  night  I  dreamed,  I  was  telling  the  Lord,  he  was  the 

notwithstanding  his  unparalleled  activity  always  considered  himself  ai  a  mefq 
passive  instrument— Eo. 


88  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

loadstone,  and  my  soul  the  needle.  That  his  will  was  the 
north  pole,  to  which  my  heart  should  turn,  however  tossed 
about.  To-day  Miss  Ritchie  came.  I  have  had  some  profit- 
able conversation  with  her.  She  is  indeed  a  blessed  soul ;  and 
I  feel  more  of  the  immediate  presence  of  God  since  that  con- 
versation. 

May  5. — I  had  a  meeting  some  days  ago  at  B ,  where  an  . 

odd  circumstance  occurred.  I  observed  (as  I  was  speaking  on 
these  words,  The  Master  is  come,  and  calleth  for  thee)  a 
gentleman  among  the  congregation,  who  looked  with  great 
earnestness.  As  soon  as  the  meeting  was  over,  I  rode  home, 
where  I  had  not  long  been,  till  this  man  came  after  me.  He  is 
a  stranger,  and  came  into  these  parts  about  business.  He  felt 
a  great  alarm  in  his  soul ;  and  declared  he  had  always  before 
thought  himself  very  righteous ;  but  he  now  feared  he  should 
go  to  hell ;  and  insisted  on  telling  me  his  whole  life,  and  con- 
fessing (as  he  termed  it)  all  his  sins.  He  was  very  long ;  and 
I  feared  there  was  in  his  mind  a  mixture  of  insanity.  He  told 
ifte  he  was  building  a  house  for  an  assembly,  but  he  would  go 
home,  and  turn  it  into  a  preaching  house,  if  I  would  come  and 
speak  in  it,  that  his  neighbours  might  get  the  light  he  had  got. 
I  strove  to  prevail  on  him  to  return  to  the  friend's  house  from, 
whence  he  came,  and  to  set  off  the  next  morning  for  his  own 
country,  where  he  told  me  he  had  a  good  wife  and  family;  but 
he  insisted  he  would  not  leave  me  till  he  had  found  the  Lord ! 
At  length  he  said  he  felt  some  comfort,  and  would  go  and  spend 
most  of  the  night  in  prayer.  Next  morning  he  was  more  calm  ; 
and  on  my  promising  to  answer  him  if  he  wrote  to  me,  he  went 
away.  Satan  made  use  of  this  occurrence  to  bring  me  into 
discouragement  respecting  public  speaking;  but  some  years 
after,  I  heard  a  most  pleasing  account  of  this  gentleman,  That 
he  had  indeed  turned  his  assembly  house  into  a  Methodist 
preaching  house,  and  that  himself  and  family  were  joined  to 
the  society. 

June  11,  Tuesday. — Mrs.  Westerman  came  here  on  the 
Thursday  before  Whitsunday,  and  stayed  ten  days.  She  came 
in  full  expectation  of  a  blessing;  and  in  the  Sunday  night 
meeting,  as  I  was  in  the  last  prayer,  I  felt  it  on  my  mind  to 
plead  with  the  Lord,  that  he  would  seal  some  soul  as  his  abode 
thai,  night.  Ju?t  then  the  answer  came.  She  felt  the  heart 
of  stone  taken  away,  and  has  ever  since  wycyced  with  exceed- 

ing  joy.     Tuesday  I  went  to  B .     Wrien  we  came,  we 

found  the  man  at  whose  house  we  were  to  have  been,  died  that 
morning.  A  lother  offered  his  barn,  though  with  seeming  fear ; 
but  when  we  came  to  the  house,  he  either  could  not,  or  would 
not  find  the  key.  So  we  stood  in  an  open  place,  'vith  some 
serious  people  from  other  parts,  and  some  of  the  careless 
inhabitant*.  However,  all  behaved  well  and  I  found  liberty  in 


PART  III.]  MJIS.   FLETCHER.  89 

enforcing  those  words,  "Acquaint  now  thyself  with  God,  and 
be  ait  peace, — hereby  good  shall  come  unto  thee." 

July  SO.—This  day  I  found  a  good  deal  of  liberty  in  prayer, 
especially  in  pleading,  "  If  it  be  thy  will  I  should  be  holy,— if 
it  be  the  great  design  of  thy  death,— Oh  then  let  it  all  be 
answered  on  thy  poor  creature  !  Let  all  thy  will  be  done  !" 
It  seems  to  me  I  fall  short  in  every  thing.  I  am  continually 
making  rules  and  plans,  and  yet  I  keep  to  none  with  any  degree 
of  exactness.  Nevertheless,  I  see  it  well  to  make  them ;  for 
though  I  never  come  up  to  what  I  propose,  yet  I  always  gain 
something ;  every  fresh  effort  seems  to  put  me  a  little  forward. 
I  have  of  late  been  reading  Dr.  Cheyne's  works ;  I  see  self- 
denial  very  beautiful,  and  of  profit  both  for  soul  and  body. 

July  24. — H.  S.  gave  a  good  account  of  the  work  wrought 
on  her  soul.  I  think  it  is  about  three  months  ago  I  provi- 
dentially met  with  her  in  a  class,  which  I  went  to  meet  about 
a  mile  from  home.  She  appeared  that  night  all  ear,  and  quite 
awakened  to  the  desire  of  loving  God  with  all  her  heart.  I 
felt  much  liberty  in  conversing  with  her,  and  asked  her  to  come 
to  the  meeting,  which  she  did  the  first  opportunity,  and  seemed 
quite  broke  down  ; — expressing  herself  in  such  a  manner  con- 
cerning her  inbred  sin,  as  plainly  showed  the  Lord  had  plucked 
away  every  covering.  While  we  were  at  prayer,  she  felt  a 
degree  of  living  faith ;  and  last  night  she  gave  the  following 
account :  "  After  I  left  you  I  was  very  happy.  I  went  to  bed, 
wondering  at  the  great  miracle  Jesus  had  wrought  in  saving 
such  a  sinner.  When  I  awoke  in  the  morning,  (Oh  what  a 
precious  morning  to  me  !)  I  had  an  impression  as  if  my  dear 
Lord  stood  just  by  me,  and  said,  '  I  will  cause  all  my  goodness 
to  pass  before  thee.'  T  cried  out,  '  Oh  it  is  thee,  my  Lord  !' 
Then  the  words  came  to  me,  '  I  have  set  thee  as  a  signet 
upon  mine  arm,  as  a  seal  upon  my  heart.  Thy  sun  shall  no 
more  go  down.  I  will  be  thine  everlasting  light,  and  thy  God, 
thy  glory.'  Oh  what  rapture  did  I  feel,  and  so  I  do  still !  He 
is  all  day  long  speaking  so  sweetly  to  me,  and  I  have  such 
views  of  his  glorious  love  as  I  cannot  express.  Oh  never  sure 
did  the  Lord  do  such  a  miracle  !  For  I  do  believe  there  never 
was  such  a  vile  polluted  creature  as  I  have  been  !"* 

August  30. — Yesterday  it  was  given  out  for  IK?  to  be  at . 

For  a  whole  month  it  lay  on  my  mind.  None,  O  my  God,  but 
thyself,  knows  -what  I  go  through  for  every  public  meeting !  I 
arti  often  quite  ill  with  the  prospect.  When  the  day  came,  the 
wind  was  violent,  which  is  a  thing  I  have  a  great  fear  of,  because 
it  so  affects  my  head ;  for  after  riding  several  miles  in  it,  I  am 
scarcely  in  my  senses.  And  I  suppose  it  is  worse  to  me,  not 
having  been  used  to  ride  on  horseback  till  I  came  into  Vcrk- 

*  There  are  ten  thousand  happy  belrtvers  that  would  dispute  that  point  with 
h«r.— ED. 

8* 


90  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  11T. 

shire.  A  little  before  I  set  out,  I  said,  "  O  Lord,  thou  canst 
still  the  wind ;  but  thy  will  be  done."  When  we  had  got  about 
a  hundred  yards  from  the  house,  the  wind  fell,  and  we  had  no 
more  trouble  from  it  all  the  way.  My  hearing  was  much 
affected  at  this  time,  so  that  I  feared  I  should  not  be  able  to 
converse  with  any  person.  But  before  I  got  to  the  place,  my 
hearing  was  as  good  as  ever  it  was  in  my  Dfe, — and  I  was  not 
at  all  fatigued !  There  were  many  persons  got  together ;  and 
after  spending  about  two  hours  with  them,  the  time  for  the 
meeting  drew  on.  We  went  to  a  barn  prepared  for  that  pur- 
pose by  the  kind  friend  who  had  invited  us.  There  was  a  good 
congregation ;  and  I  found  some  enlargement  in  speaking  on 
those  words  which  came  then  to  my  mind,  "  Hath  the  Lord  as 
much  delight  in  sacrifices  and  burnt  offerings  as  in  obeying  the 
voice  of  the  Lord  ?  Behold,  to  obey  is  better  than  sacrifice, 
and  to  hearken  than  the  fat  of  rams."  As  I  was  speaking  on 
the  word  hearken,  I  felt  the  Lord  peculiarly  present.  The 
people  would  fain  have  had  me  stay  all  night ;  but  for  some 
reasons  I  thought  it  better  to  return ; — which  we  immediately 
did,  and  reached  home  a  little  before  eleven. 

September  7,  Tuesday. — Glory  be  to  God  !  this  has  been  a 
comfortable  day.  My  soul  is  sweet  in  expectation  that  I  shall 
be  filled  with  the  Spirit ;  and  that  1  shall  yet  see  the  time, 
when  by  my  whole  life  I  shall  bring  glory  to  God.  I  feel 
power  to  abandon  my  whole  cause  into  his  hand.  O  Lord, 
thou  hast  undertaken  for  me ;  I  feel  thou  hast ;  I  feel  also 
great  resignation  as  to  the  life  or  death  of  thy  dear  servant. 
O  keep  him,  Lord,  as  the  apple  of  thine  eye.  I  believe  thou 
wilt  order  all  right ;  and  I  shall  regard  him  with  an  immortal 
friendship,  that  will  be  free  from  snares,  and  all  divine.  But 
it  is  strange,  when  I  am  offering  him  up,  the  words  come, 
"  The  prayer  of  faith  shall  heal  the  sick,  and  the  Lord  shall 
raise  him  up."  I  do  not  understand,  but  /  stand  still. 

September  14. — Yesterday  I  was  a  good  deal  oppressed.  I 
had  undertaken  to  meet  the  old  members  of  our  society  apart, 
and  to  propose  to  them  a  renewal  of  our  covenant ; — to  set  our 
hearts  and  hands  afresh  to  the  work  of  God.  Glory  be  to  his 
name,  I  was  carried  better  through  it  than  I  could  have  hoped 
for.  Some  little  touches  of  enthusiasm  were  beginning  to  creep 
in  among  us,  which  I  thought  the  more  dangerous,  as  the 
meeting  now  grows  very  numerous,  members  being  added  from 
all  sides.  Yet  was  it  a  great  trial  for  me  to  have  to  reprove 
them, — 1.  Because  many  are  much  farther  advanced  in  grace 
than  I  am.  2.  I  was  deeply  conscious  it  is  one  of  the  most 
delicate  subjects  in  the  world,  and  requires  both  much  wis- 
dota  and  mucn  love,  to  extinguish  false  fire,  and  yet  to  keep 
up  the  true  All  the  day  I  kept  pleading  before  the  Lord, 
ipoetly  in  these  words  of  Solomon, — "  Ah  !  Lord,  how  shall 


PART  HI.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  91 

I,  who  ana  but  a  child,  go  in  and  out  before  this  thy  chosen 
people  ?" 

September   17,  Tuesday. — Glory  be  to  thee,   my  faithful 
Lord !    Oh  that  I  could  always  trust !    Then  I  should  always 
praise  !     Last  Sabbath  morning  I  went,  according  to  appoint- 
ment, to  Goker.   I  arose  early,  and  in  pretty  good  health.   The 
day  \v:as  fine,  though  rather  hot.     About  eleven  we  came  to 
Huddersfield,  and  called  on  Mrs.  H.     She  had  asked  me  to 
Jodge  there  on  my  return,  and  have  a  meeting,  saying,  many 
had  long  desired  it,  and  there  would  be  no  preacher  there  on 
that  day.     I  felt  immediately  the  people  laid  on  my  mind,  and 
that  I  had  a  message  to  that  place, — and  said,  if  the  Lord 
permit,  I  will.     She  then  said,  "We  will  give  it  out  at  noon.'' 
We  rode  forward.     Benjamin  Cock  met  us,  and  kindly  con- 
ducted us  over  the  moors.    When  we  came  to  his  hut,  all  was 
clean,  and  victuals  enough  provided  for  twenty  men.    But  I  was 
so  heated  with  the  ride,  (near  twenty  miles,)  and  with  the  great 
fire  on  which  they  so  liberally  cooked  for  us,  that  I  could  not 
eat.    My  drinking  nothing  but  water  seemed  also  quite  to  dis- 
tress them.   They  said  the  meeting  had  been  given  out  in  many 
places,  and  they  believed  we  should  have  between  two  and 
three  thousand  people.     That  I  did  not  believe ; — but  there 
was  indeed  such  a  number, — and  of  such  a  rabble  as  I  scarce 
ever  saw.     At  one  we  went  out  to  the  rocks, — a  place  so  wild 
that  I  cannot  describe  it.     The  crowd  which  got  round  us  was 
so  great,  that  by  striving  which  should  get  first  to  the  quarry, 
(where  we  were  to  meet,)  they  rolled  down  great  stones  among 
the  people  below  us,  so  that  we  feared  mischief  would  be  done. 
Blessed  be  God,  none  were  hurt !  I  passed  on  among  them  on  the 
top  of  the  hill,  not  knowing  whither  I  went.    T\vice  I  was  pushed 
down  by  the  crowd,  but  rose  without  being  trampled  on.     We 
stopped  on  the  edge  of  a  spacious  quarry  filled  with  people, 
•\vlio  were  tolerably  quiet.     I  gave  out  that  hymn,   The  Lord 
my  pasture  shall  prepare,  &c.      When  they  were  a  little 
settled,  I  found  some  liberty  in  speaking  to  them ;  and  I  believe 
most  heard.   As  we  returned  into  the  house,  numbers  followed^, 
and  filled  it  so  full  we  could  not  stir.     I  conversed  with  them, 
but  could  not  get  much  answer.     They  stood  like  people  in 
amaze,  and  seemed  as  if  they  could  never  have  enough     Many 
wept  and  said,  "When  will  you  come  again  1"  We  then  sot  off 
for  Huddersfield.   I  felt  very  much  fatigued,  and  begau  to  ihink, 
how  shall  I  be  able  to  fulfil  my  word  there  ?  As  we  rode  along, 
brother  Taylor  said,  "  I  think  I  ought  to  tell  you  my  mind.     I 
wish  we  could  ride  through  Huddersfield,  and  not  stop.    For  I 
know  there  are  some  there  who  do  not  like  women  to  speak 
among  them,  and  I  fear  you  will  meet  with  somsthing  dis- 
agreeable."   I  looked  to  the  Lord,  and  received,  as  it  sesmed 
to  me,  the  following  direction :  If  I  have  a  word  to  speak  from 


92  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

him,  he  will  make  my  way.  If  not,  the  door  will  be  shut.  I  am 
only  to  show  the  meekness  of  wisdom,  and  leave  all  to  God. 
Those  words  then  came  with  power  to  my  mind, 

"  The  Lord  my  pasture  shall  prepare. 
And  feed  me  with  a  shepherd's  care : 
His  presence  shall  my  wants  supply. 
And  guard  me  with  a  watchful  eye ; 
My  noonday  walks  he  shall  attend. 
And  all  my  midnight  hours  defend." 

When  we  got  to  Huddersfield,  I  told  them  the  conversation 
we  had  had  by  the  way,  and  the  posture  of  my  mind  ;  which 
was  calm  as  the  limpid  stream,  and  quiet  as  an  infant.  I  per- 
ceived his  fears  were  not  groundless,  and  said,  "  Well,  my 
friends,  I  will  do  as  you  will,  either  stay  with  you  this  night, 
or  go  forward  directly,  for  I  follow  a  lamb-like  Lord,  and  I 
would  imitate  his  life  and  spirit."  They  said,  they  believed 
but  few  of  the  principal  persons  had  any  objection ;  and  the 
people  much  desired  it ; — besides,  as  it  had  been  given  out  at 
noon,  there  would  be  a  great  many  strangers,  whom  it  would 
not  be  well  to  disappoint.  It  was  then  agreed  that  we  should 
have  the  meeting  in  the  house,  where  they  usually  had  the 
preaching ;  but  when  we  came  there  the  crowd  was  very  great, 
and  the  place  so  hot,  that  I  feared  I  should  not  be  able  to  speak 
at  all.  I  stood  still  and  left  all  to  God.  A  friend  gave  out  a 
hvmn ;  during  which  some  fainted  away.  Brother  Taylor  said, 
"  I  perceive  it  is  impossible  for  us  to  stay  within  doors,  the 
people  cannot  bear  the  heat,  and  there  are  more  without  than 
are  within."  We  then  came  out.  My  head  swam  with  the 
heat ;  I  scarce  knew  which  way  I  went,  but  seemed  carried 
along  by  the  people,  till  we  stopped  at  a  horseblock,  placed 
against  a  wall  on  the  side  of  the  street,  with  a  plain  wide  open- 
ing before  it.  On  the  steps  of  this  I  stood,  and  gave  out,  "  Come, 
ye  sinners,  poor  and  needy,"  &c.  While  the  people  were  sing- 
ing the  hymn,  I  felt  a  renewed  conviction  to  speak  in  the  name 
of  the  Lord.  My  bodily  strength  seemed  to  return  each  mo- 
ment.— I  felt  no  weariness,  and  my  voice  was  stronger  than  in 
the  morning,  while  I  was  led  to  enlarge  on  these  words,  "  The 
Lord  is  our  Judge,  the  Lord  is  our  Lawgiver,  the  Lord  is  our 
King,  he  will  save  us."  I  felt  great  enlargement  while  endea- 
vouring to  show  the  purity  of  our  Judge,  whose  eyes  could 
endure  no  iniquity.  That  as  a  Lawgiver  he  was  just  and  holy, 
and  the  thing  gone  out  of  his  lips  must  stand : — The  soul  that 
sinneth  shall  die.  But  the  Lord  is  also  our  King,  and  he  will 
"  save  us.  First,  by  convincing  us  of  the  purity  of 'his  law,  and 
the  justness  of  our  punishment,  \vho  have  broken  it.  Secondly, 
by  making  us  tremble  before  that  Judge,  W7hose  eyes  are  as  a 
flame  of  lire.  Thirdly,  by  leading  us  to  Him,  who  is  our  "Ad- 
vocate with  the  Father.  Jesus  Christ  the  righteous," — who  now 


PART  III;]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  93 

manifests  himself  to  the  soul,  as  the  propitiation  for  our  sins. 
And,  fourthly,  as  a  King,  he  goes  on  in  the  believer  conquering 
and  to  conquer,  till  the  eternal  reign  of  Jesus  commences  in  the 
soul ;  which,  as  the  "  morning  light,  grows  brighter  and  brighter 
unto  the  perfect  day  ;" — till  "  the  perfect  love  which  casts  out 
all  fear,"  marks  the  soul  as  the  abode  and  "  habitation  of  God 
through  the  Spirit."  Deep  solemnity  sat  on  every  face,  I 
think  there  were  scarce  a  cough  to  be  heard,  or  the  least  mo- 
tion ;  though  the  number  gathered  was  very  great.  So  solemn 
a  tune  I  have  seldom  known ;  my  voice  was  clear  enough  to 
reach  them  all ;  and  when  we  concluded,  I  felt  stronger  than 
when  we  began. 

They  then  desired  me  to  speak  to  each  of  the  women  joined 
in  the  society,  which  took  me  till  near  ten.  The  room  we  went 
into  for  that  purpose  was  a  damp  stone  floor,  so  that  I  could 
hardly  move  my  legs  when  I  came  out.  But  they  kindled  a. 
fire,  and  after  getting  some  refreshment  I  grew  better.  About 
twelve  I  went  to  bed,  and  rested  under  the  shadow  of  the 
Almighty  tHl  morning,  when  I  found  myself  remarkably  well. 
After  having  breakfasted  with  brother  Goldthorp,  where  we  had 
a  lively  conversation  concerning  holiness,  I  came  home  with 
much  thankfulness  and  peace. 

October  8. — I  was  to-day  at  Clackhigh-town,  and  saw  the 
hand  of  the  Lord  in  many  things.  I  have  been  more  abun- 
dantly led  to  reflect  on  the  difficulties  of  the  path  I  am  called 
in.  I  know  the  power  of  God  which  I  felt  when  standing  on 
the  horseblock  in  the  st«eet  at  Huddersfield  :  but  at  the  same 
time  I  am  conscious  how  ridiculous  I  must  appear  in  the  eyes 
of  many  for  so  doing.  Therefore,  if  some  persons  consider  me 
as  an  impudent  woman,  and  represent  me  as  such,  I  cannoc 
blame  them.  Again,  many  say,  If  you  are  called  to  preach, 
why  do  you  not  do  it  constantly,  and  take  a  round  as  a  preach- 
er ?  I  answer,  Because  that  is  not  my  call.  I  have  many  duties 
to  attend  to,  and  many  cares  which  they  know  nothing  about. 
I  must  therefore  leave  myself  to  His  guidance  who  hath  the  sole 
right  of  disposing  of  me.  Again  they  say,  "  Why  do  you  not 
give  out,  I  am  to  preach  ?  Why  call  it  a  meeting  ]"  I  answer,  : 
Because  that  suits  my  design  best.  First,  It  is  less  ostenta- 
tious. Secondly,  It  leaves  mo  at  liberty  to  speak  more  or  lees, 
as-I  feel  myself  led.  Thirdly,  It  gives  less  offence  to  those 
who  watch  for  it.  Others  object,  "  Why,  youra  is  a  Quaker 
call ;  why  then  do  you  not  join  them  at  once  ?  You  are  an 
offence  to  us.  Go  to  the  people  whose  call  is  the  same  is  your 
own ;  here  nobody  can  bear  with  you."  I  answer,  Though  I 
believe  the  Quakers  have  still  a  good  deal  of  God  among  them. 
yet,  I  think  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  is  more  at  work  among  the 
Methodists  ;  and  while  I  see  this,  though  they  were  to  toss  me 
about  as  a  football,  I  would  stick  to  them  like  a  leech.  Besides, 


94  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

I  do  nothing  but  what  Mr.  Wesley  approves  ;  and  as  to  reproach 
thrown  by  some  on  me,  what  have  I  to  do  with  it,  but  quietly 
go  forward,  saying,  I  will  be  still  more  vile,  if  my  Lord  requires 
it  7  Indeed  for  none  but  thee,  my  Lord,  would  I  take  up  this 
sore  cross.  But  thou  hast  done  more  for  me.  O  do  thy  owr 
will  upon  me  in  all  tilings  !  Only  make  me  what  thou  wouldet 
have  me  to  be !  Only  make  me  holy,  and  then  lead  me  as  thou 
wilt! 

August,  1777. — I  heard  Mr.  Wesley  preach  from  these  words, 
"  Dearly  beloved,  as  strangers  and  pilgrims,  abstain  from  flesh- 
ly lusts  which  war  against  the  soul."  A  sweet  discourse  it 
was,  showing  the  great  danger  of  every  earthly  gratification. 
This  lesson,  he  said,  might  be  learned  even  from  the  body.  As 
often  as  we  take  down  food,  we  swallow  so  many  seeds  of 
death,  by  causing  so  many  more  particles  of  earth  to  adhere  to, 
and  clog  our  vessels,  and  so  hasten  our  dissolution.  And  with- 
out great  watclifulness  so  it  would  be  with  our  souls.  If  we 
were  not  on  our  guard,  human  comforts  received  would  also 
bring  the  soul  nearer  to  death,  instead  of  being  a  step  to  life. 
It  is  truly  said  of  worldly  joy,  "  It  does  with  powwful  charm 
hold  down  the  mind,  and  sensualize  the  soul." 

Sunday  noon. — I  heard  him  on  these  words,  "If  thou  canst 
.  believe,  all  things  are  possible  to  him  that  believeth."    His 
strength  was  wonderful,  and  much  power  attended  the  word 
Lord,  be  the  strength  of  thy  dear  servant,  and  his  portion  for 
ever !     At  night  he  lodged  with  us. 

August  14. — Last  night  dear  Mr.  Wesley  came  here  again. 
After  supper  he  read  a  letter  from  Lady  Maxwell,  in  which  she 
expresses  a  most  sweet  state  of  soul ;  observing,  that  if  the 
name  of  Jesus  is  but  mentioned,  her  heart  is  like  the  key  of  a 
well  tuned  instrument,  when  its  unison  is  touched.  O  how 
sweet  a  progress  has  she  made !  Lord,  let  me  do  so  likewise  I 

Last  Thursday  Mr.  Wesley  preached  at  Daw  Green,  on  "  I 
will  give  to  every  one  of  you  according  to  your  works."  First,. 
he  considered,  What  were  the  works.  Secondly,  What  the 
reward.  The  works,  he  said,  were  threefold.  First,  What  the 
man  is.  Secondly,  What  he  does.  Thirdly,  What  he  suffers 
1.  All  he  is,  that  is  right,  shall  have  its  reward  : — all  "  the  fruit 
of  the  Spirit, — love,  joy,  peace,  long  suffering,  meekness,  pa- 
tience, faith,  self-denial,  fortitude  ;" — all  these  are  the  worK  of 
God,  and  all  received  through  Christ, — above  all,  love,  which 
is  the  image  of  God.  2.  A  ;i  he  does ,  all  his  works  of  piety  and 
mercy,  all  that  is  wrought  in  faith ;  iiay,  the  most  common 
labours  of  his  daily  business,  if  done  in  a  spirit  of  sacrifice, 
shall  not  be  forgotten ;  for  it  is  said  of  servants,  by  the  Apostle, 
for  their  encouragement,  that  when  they  "  obey  and  serve  men 
with  singleness  of  heart,  they  serve  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ.'' 
3,  All  he  suffers.  Not  one  cross  taken  up  in  obedience  to  th«t 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  95 

will  of  God,  but  it  shall  have  its  reward.  But  what  is  the 
reward?  First,  The  very  nature  of  each  grace  necessarily 
brings  its  reward.  The  more  faith,  patience,  courage,  and 
perseverance,  the  more  holiness  will  be  brought  into  the  soul, 
and  consequently,  the  soul  will  be  rendered  more  like  God,  and 
more  capable  of  fellowship  with  him :  and  in  proportion  to  our 
fellowship  with  God  must  be  our  happiness.  But  besides  these, 
there  is  a  reward  of  infinite  free  mercy  (over  and  above  what 
flows  from  inherent  holiness)  bestowed  on  each  grace,  and  on 
each  action  done  for  God,  and  each  cross  borne  for  his  sake. 

I  felt  it  come  with  power  to  my  soul.  O  for  a  full  devoted- 
ness  to  tkee,  my  God !  I  see  I  am  quietly  to  wait  on  thee, 
though  my  crosses  are  very  heavy  in  many  ways.  But  the  will 
of  the  Lord  be  done ! 

September  12. — This  day  thirty-eight  years  I  was  born. 
Solemn  thought!  O  how  far  have  I  spent  these  thirty-eight 
years  for  God  ]  What  is  my  situation,  outward  and  inward  1 
Outward  it  is  very  trying ;  my  circumstances  are  very  perplex- 
ing. But  I  hold  fast  my  former  promises.  "  Christ  charges 
himself  with  all  thy  temporal  affairs,  while  you  'charge  your- 
self with  those  that  relate  to  his  glory."  I  am  determined  to 
make  Zion  my  chief  care,  though  I  know  not  what  the  Lord 
s  about  to  do  with  me.  I  have  a  great  family,  and  not  an 
income  left  sufficient  to  keep  them,  which  obliges  me  to  sink 
something  every  year.  The  business  hurts,  instead  of  helping ; 
and  though  Mr.  ***  is  sure  it  will  the  next  year  do  far  other- 
wise, I  cannot  believe  it.  It  appears  to  me  deliverance  will 
begin  by  bringing  me  out  of  this  place,  dividing  the  family,  and 
contracting  my  wide  spread  cares  into  one,  viz.  the  cause  of 
God  only.  But  how  this  will  be  brought  about  I  know  not ; 
for  though  I  keep  putting  out  the  children  as  fast  as  they  grow 
up,  yet  that  is  attended  with  much  expense,  and  I  have  many 
grown  persons  whom  I  know  not  how  to  provide  for,  nor  find 
any  way  to  dispose  of.  They  are  good  sincere  souls,  and  they 
live  to  God.  Some  of  them  also  are  very  weak  in  body,  and 
advanced  in  years.  When  I  have  settled  all  the  accounts,  1 
arn  led  to  believe,  it  will  be  the  order  of  God  for  me  to  go  down 
to  Bath  and  Bristol  for  six  months.  Nine  months  ago  I  got  a 
fall,  which  hath  ma<le  me  in  a  degree  lame  ever  since.  Bath 
may  help  that ;  but  I  believe  I  have  something  to  do  for  souls 
in  those  places,  and  I  shall  be  glad  to  be  at  a  distance  from 
poor  Mr.  ***.  O  how  sad  it  is !  i  fear  while  he  helps  me,  I 
hurt  him.  Lord  !  what  a.  situation  is  mine  ! 

But  how  is  it  with  me  inwardly  1  On  the  whole  I  have  found 
my  mind  more  stayed  on  God  this  last  year,  and  my  confidence 
in  his  loving  protection  is  a  good  deal  increased.  That  sore 
temptation  of  fear,  by  which  I  have  suffered  so  much  in  going 
^ut  in  the  work  of  God,  I  have  found  a  good  deal  removed  by 


96  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

prayer.  I  have  had  freedom,  and  some  success,  in  dealing  wjth 
souls.  But  I  am  not  all  athirst  for  full  salvation?.  I  do  not  reel 
that  ardent  desire  after  it  which  swallows  up  every  other  care 
and  desire.  I  have  yet  some  prospects  on  earth,  which  I  can- 
not  fully  look  over.  They  present  themselves  before  me,  and 
I  do  not  feel, — deeply  feel, — the  force  of  these  words,  "  It  ig 
far  better  to  depart,  and  be  with  Christ."  Again,  many  caree 
divide  my  soul.  I  know  not  if  ever  I  shall  get  this  place  sold  : 
or  ever  pay  my  debts.  Every  thing  sinks  me  deeper  in  that 
respect.  It  is  amazing  what  losses  and  trials  I  have  !  Yet  1 
feel  my  anchor  cast  in  the  will  of  God.  I  fear,  however,  that 
I  have  departed  from  his  close  embrace,  and  therefore  he  hat! 
encompassed  my  way  with  thorns.  Well,  I  will,  I  do  embrace 
his  justice,  as  well  as  his  mercy  !  Both  "  his  rod  and  his  staf 
shall  comfort  me !" 

It  is  an  easy  matter  to  believe  when  all  goes  smoothly  aboul 
us.  But  now  is  the  time  for  my  faith  to  have  its  full  exercise, 
Nothing  but  ruin  in  temporal  things  seems  before  me,  and  I  air 
upbraided  by  many  as  being  a  fool.  They  say,  "  Why  does  not 
she  turn  them*  all  out  of  doors  V  Nay,  some  who  should  know 
better,  cast  the  same  in  my  teeth !  Yet  with  all  my  endeavour; 
I  see  no  way  out.  To  turn  them  out  of  doors  ! — I  have  no  lighl 
for  that.  Still  I  seem  called  to  believe,  God  will  make  a  waj 
for  each,  and  remove  them  in  his  own  time  and  manner.  Still"] 
trust  that  I  shall  see  accomplished  those  words,  so  powerfully 
applied  at  Laytonstone  :  "  Thou  shalt  lay  up  gold  as  the  dust, 
and  the  gold  of  Ophir  as  the  stones  of  the  brook ;  yea,  the 
Almighty  shall  be  thy  defence,  and  thou  shalt  have  plenty  of 
silver."  What  I  understand  by  these  words  is,  that  a  time  shal] 
come  when  I  shall  owe  no  one  any  thing,  and  have  plenty  to 
carry  on  such  designs  as  the  Lord  shall  lay  on  my  heart  for  hie 
glory.  That  he  will  bring  me  out  of  this  place,  and  provide 
some  way  for  every  member  to  be  removed,  so  that  I  shall  say, 
Now  is  fulfilled  that  word,  "  Thou  shalt  decree  a  thing,  and  it 
ehall  be  established  unto  thee,  and  light  shall  shine  on  thy  path." 
But  here  is  the  difficulty :  how  absurd  does  it  appear  to  go  on 
with  a  great  household,  running  me  out  on  every  side ! 
How  ridiculous  will  distress  so  brought  on  make  me  appear  in 
the  eyes  of  all !  That  thought  has  made  me  strive  arid  struggle 
every  way  to  throw  it  off,  but  it  seems  the  Lord  always  frustrates 
my  endeavours,  and  I  am  foiced.  to  sit  down  at  his  footstool 
again,  with  that  thought,  "  My  time  is  in  his  hand,  and  he  knows 
how  to  deliver."  Tt.  is  hard  to  believe  against  seeming  impos- 
sibilities. Yet  it  comes  to  ny  mind,  God  does  bless  me  in 
believing  spiritual  things  tha  are  above  my  powers ;  but  these 
are  only  temporal.  Will  hr.  bless  that  exercise  of  faith?  It  is 
certain  Abraham's  faith  was  tried  in  temporal  things, — and 
through  the  temporal  difficulties,  he  held  fast  faith  in  the 


PART  III.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  97 

spiritual.  Israel  was  called  into  a  temporal  Canaan,  pre- 
figuring the  spiritual ; — and  I  cannot  divide  two  ideas  which 
continually  seem  to  dwell  together  in  my  mind,  viz.  that  I  shall 
be  delivered  from  all  my  spiritual  enemies,  and  brought  into  a 
most  perfect  liberty  of  soul,  as  soon  as  I  am  delivered  from  the 
temporal ;  and  that  I  shall  first  praise  the  Lord  for  the  fulfil- 
tnent  of  the  above  promises,  and  then  for  full  salvation ! 

October  28. — Glory  be  to  God,  he  is  yet  working  among  us  ! 
Last  week  Sally  Lawrence  was  set  at  liberty,  and  the  change  is 
very  evident.  Yesterday  as  I  was  meeting  her,  she  said,  "  Oh  ! 
had  I  known  what  the  love  of  God  was,  sure  I  should  never 
have  rested  so  long  without  it !  I  have  often  found  great  joy, 
but  there  was  always  a  sting  in  the  end.  Some  thought  or 
other  would  come  and  take  away  the  pleasure ;  but  now  I  find  a 
pleasure  in  God  without  any  sting.  Last  week  I  felt  a  change,  and 
many  promises  ;  but  1  had  not  a  clear  evidence.  Yet  I  thought, 
I  do  feel  in  many  things  as  1  never  did  before.  However,  as 
you  were  saying  in  the  class  last  Tuesday,  that  we  ought  to 
tejoice  evermore,  and  the  way  so  to  do,  was  to  praise  the  Lord 
for  what  he  had  done ;  I  thought,  then  I  will  try  to  do  so. 
Accordingly,  I  spoke  more  freely  than  I  should  otherwise  have 
done,  and  while  I  spoke,  I  found  more  power  to  believe.  But 
on  Friday,  while  you  were  meeting  the  children,  I  found  my 
evidence  quite  clear :  these  words  were  applied  to  my  mind : 
'There  is  no  condemnation  to  those  that  are  in  Christ  Jesus.' 
And  since  that  time  I  have  been  very  happy.  I  never  knew 
such  a  week  as  this  in  all  my  life.  I  used  to  be  tired,  and  I 
hated  the  washing  week ;  but  I  have  now  been  kept  in  entire 
peace  all  through." 

Bath,  February,  1778. — On  the  8th  of  December  last,  I  set 
out  for  this  place,  and  came  here  on  the  12th.  Much  have  1 
seen  of  the  hand  of  my  God  here  in  many  ways.  Soon  after 
my  arrival,  Mr.  Wesley  came  to  ky  the  first  stone  of  the 
chapel.  He  preached  from  these  words  :  "  From  this  time  it 
shall  be  said,  What  hath  God  wrought !"  He  pointed  out  to 
us  in  what  a  wonderful  manner  the  Lord  had  carried  on  hi* 
work  in  the  three  kingdoms,  within  these  last  thirty  or  forty 
years.  It  was  a  solemn  time.  The  people  were  very  atten- 
tive, though  the  cold  was  very  severe.  At  night  we  hat!  a  love 
feast :  I  was  led  to  speak  with  some  degree  of  freedom.  As  1 
came  out,  several  asked  me  where  I  lodged.  I  told  them  1 
should  (with  the  Lord's  help)  be  at  home  at  such  an  hour  every 
day.  Several  came  to  me,  one  after  another,  and  the  Lord's 
hand  hath  been  with  us  of  a  truth.  What  amazing  answers  to 
prayer  have  I  seen  !  Lord,  give  me  to  endure  to  the  end .'  In 
the  classes  and  bands  also,  I  find  much  freedom  in  speaking  for 
God ;  and  he  gives  me  to  cast  all  my  own  burden  on  himself, 
and  to  believe,  Christ  charges  him?'.  If  with  all  my  concerns, 
9 


98  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

while  he  in  some  iow  degree,  gives  me  to  charge  myself  with 
those  that  relate  to  his  glory.  Here  are  many  souls  who  seem 
to  thirst  for  spiritual  conversation,  as  the  traveller  for  the 
cooling  stream ;  and  whenever  we  are  together,  our  Lord  is 
in  the  midst. 

March. — Conversing  with  a  gentleman  who  knew  something 
of  my  situation,  he  said,  "If  I  had  had  such  losses  as  you  have 
had,  and  was  in  such  an  encumbered  situation,  I  should  stamp 
and  tear,  and  go  raving  mad."  I  began  to  reflect  on  his  words, 
and  thought,  how  is  it  that  I  am  kept  so  calm  ]  I  saw  and 
adored  the  hand  of  my  God,  and  was  constrained  to  cry  out, 
"  Lord,  thou  hast  known  my  soul  in  adversity  !"  This  is  thy 
doing,  and  I  will  praise  thee. 

April  4. — When  I  was  in  this  city  fourteen  years  ago,  the 
Lord  was  pleased  to  give  me  some  souls.  I  wondered  often 
what  was  become  of  them ;  but  glory  be  to  God !  I  find  them 
as  simple  and  steady  as  ever ; — and  some  are  much  advanced. 
I  asked  of  the  Lord  at  my  first  coming  at  this  time, — That  some 
soul  might  be  particularly  blest,  that  I  might  be  encouraged  to 
think  that  I  was  come  in  his  name.  A  few  days  after  we  came, 
the  answer  was  given.  Brother  Cousins  was  restored  to  the 
love  of  God.  But  this  was  only  the  beginning  of  good  things. 
Each  day  opened  the  providence  of  God  more  and  more. 
Several  persons  got  good,  and  I  saw  my  call  quite  clear.  One 
old  disciple  gave  me  much  pleasure.  She  had  long  been  a 
follower,  and  useful  to  others.  The  first  time  1  saw  her,  she 
laid  open  her  whole  heart,  and  was  simple  as  a  little  child.  I 
scarce  ever  found  so  much  of  the  power  of  God  in  conversing 
with  any  one  as  with  her.  Before  we  parted  the  Lord  gave  her 
a  taste  of  the  liberty  she  came  to  inquire  after.  She  sent 
others, — among  whom  was  one  young  woman,  an  upright  soul, 
hut  who  had  got  into  sore  temptation,  and  lost  her  peace.  The 
Healer  of  the  breaches  again  appeared,  and  she  was  filled  with 
consolation,  and  found  (as  she  afterward  told  me)  she  was  « 
new  creature.  A  man  and  liis  wife  the  next  day  called  on 
me ;  they  had  a  measure  of  life ;  but  they  were  come  (as  they 
said)  to  inquire  when,  and  how,  "  the  blood  of  Jesus  would 
cleanse  them  from  all  sin."  Such  simplicity  I  hardly  ever  met 
with  before.  My  heart  was  ready  to  melt  with  desire.  I  found 
such  access  in  addressing  the  throne  of  grace  as  I  cannot 

express.     It  was  all  "  ask  and  have  !"    1  did  ask,  and,  glory  be 

to  God,  he  granted  my  petition,  and  brought  the  dear  souls  into 

farther  light  and  liberty  ! 

April  24. — I  am  now  at  Bristol.     Lord !  what  shall  I  meet 

with  here  7    Oh  let  me  be  ever  observant  of  thy  will  > 

May. — I  wrote  and  sent  to  my  Wednesday  nights'  meeting, 

(consisting  of  about  fifty  persons,  who  meet  at  Cross  Hall,)  the 

following  letter . — 


PART  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  9>9 

"Though  various  occupations  in  my  Master's  work  have 
rendered  ray  pen  for  a  longer  time  silent  than  I  at  first  intended, 
I  can  assure  you  with  a  pleasing  sincerity,  my  heart  has  often 
been  warmed  when  pleading  before  the  throne  in  your  behalf. 
Very  dear  are  all  the  followers  of  the  Lord  to  me  in  every 
place ;— but  my  little  company  on  Wednesday  nights  will  ever 
hold  a  peculiar  place  in  my  heart.  I  also  include  the  spreading 

branch  in  Wakefield.     May  lively  grace  rest  on  you  all ! and 

may  you  ever  adorn  your  profession  as  a  company  of  the 
choicest  followers  of  the  bleeding  Lamb  !  Many  here  inquire, 
'  How  goes  on  your  Wednesday  nights'  meeting?'  There  is  a 
general  belief  of  great  life  in  Yorkshire.  In  this  your  fame  is 
gone  out  into  other  churches.  Oh  how  alarming  the  thought ! 
'What  manner  of  persons  ought  ye  to  be  in  all  holy  conversa- 
tion and  godliness  !  A  city  set  on  a  hill  cannot  be  hid.'  Either 
a  ray  of  light,  or  a  shade  of  darkness,  will  reflect  from  every 
professor.  Adorable  Jesus,  fill  us  with  that  jealous,  just  con- 
cern, that  our  light  may  never  become  darkness  !  In  order  to 
prevent  this,  let  the  most  strict  and  ardent  watchfulness  keep 
your  eye  and  heart  for  ever  fixed  on  'the  Lamb  who  taketh 
away  your  sins !'  For  it  is  by  those  believing  views  that  all  the 
streams  of  consolation,  wherewith  our  souls  are  replenished  and 
refreshed,  are  given.  I  would  have  you  praise  the  Lord  for  me, 
and  therefore  1  tell  you,  I  have,  and  do  prove  him  to  be  a  God 
of  faithfulness  and  truth. 

"  The  account  uf  a  Jewess  in  this  city  may  perhaps  help  your 

rams  of  praise  to  rise  a  little  higher.  I  will  therefore  give  it 
you  in  the  best  manner  my  memory  will  afford. 

"She  was  born  in  Germany.'  Her  father  was  a  famous  Jew 
rabbi.  He  gave  her  a  good  education,  and  brought  her  up  very 
:ctly  according  to  the  laws  of  the  Jews.  When  she  was 
about  eighteen  she  found  a  strong  inclination  to  come  to  Eng- 
land. This  her  parents  much  opposed,  as  they  could  well  provide 
for  her,  and  could  see  no  reason  why  she  should  leave  her  native 
country.  But  she  had  no  rest  in  her  spirit  while  in  Germany  - 
so  at  last  they  gave  consent  that  the  should  visit  their  own 
people  in  England.  Thev  gave  her  a  handsome  sum  of  money, 
and  sent  her  off  with  their  blessing,  in  company  with  some 

:ends.  She  continued  to  live  some  time  in  England,  till  at 
length  she  was  cheated  out  of  the  greatest  part  of  her  money 
bhe  was  then  reduced  to  many  hardships,  and  after  a  time 
went  as  a  servant  into  a  Jew's  family.  Her  mistress  liked  her 

gue  t'  and  U8ed  her  as  one  of  hei"  OWR  cll'ldren.  Here  she 
thought  her  lot  was  cast  in  a  fair  portion,  for  she  loved  her 
mistress,  and  rejoiced  to  do  her  service.  But  after  a  short 
time  a  great  change  took  place.  Her  mistress  was  awakened 
t>  a  sense  of  the  things  of  God,  and  Li  the  end  found  'there 
was  no  name  under  heaven  whereby  she  could  be  saved,  but  the 


100  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  III. 

name  of  Jesus  Christ.'  This  grieved  the  young  woman  beyond 
expression.  She  now  hated  her  mistress,  as  much  as  before  she 
had  loved  her ;  and  very  often  her  behaviour  corresponded  with 
the  feelings  of  her  heart.  The  arrows  of  conviction,  however,, 
now  began  to  fasten  on  her  also ;  and  oft  she  reasoned  with 
herself,  saying, — What  a  difference  there  is  between  my  mis- 
tress and  me  !  If  I  had  such  a  servant  I  would  turn  her  off  at 
once.  But  my  mistress  seems  all  love  since  she  believed  in 
Jesus  Christ  as  the  Messiah ;  but  I  am  ah1  hatred.  Besides, 
she  is  happy,  always  happy,  while  I  am  always  miserable. 
Then  again,  she  would  start  at  the  thought,  and  say, — What  t 
am  I  going  to  leave  the  true  religion  ?  Oh  no !  I  will  never 
believe  in  Christ.  I  will  pray  to  the  true  Messiah.  Then  she 
would  go  up  to  the  top  of  the  house,  and  (as  she  thought) 
looking  toward  Jerusalem,  would  cry,  '  O  Lord  Jehovah,  hear 
me  !  Thou  hast  done  great  wonders  for  our  people,  and  fo? 
our  nation ;  and  when  we  were  in  the  hands  of  our  enemies, 
thou  didst  send  deliverance  for  thy  chgsen  people  Israel.  O 
hear  me  !  thou  God  of  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Jacob,  and  send  us 
our  Messiah,  that  he  may  take  away  our  misery  !  Then  '  shall 
kings  be  our  nursing  fathers,  and  queens  our  nursing  mothers,' 
and  'we  shah1  be  restored  again  to  our  former  privileges  !'  It 
would  then  come  to  her  mind,  Jesus  Christ,  whom  you  despise, 
is  the  very  and  true  Messiah  !  But  that  thought  she  thrust  away 
with  fear. 

"  One  night  she  went  to  bed  in  great  distress,  and  dreamed 
she  was  walking  on  a  common,  and  that  a  man  came  up  to  her 
whom  she  knew  to  be  Jesus  Christ.  She  looked  on  him,  and 
between  hope  and  fear  said,  'Tell  me,  are  you  my  Messiah?' 
He  answered,  '  I  am  your  Messiah.'  Yet  she  drew  back,  and 
was  afraid  to  believe.  In  the  morning  she  knew  not  what  to 
think.  Wherever  she  went  she  seemed  always  to  see  Christ 
as  hanging  on  the  cross  !  And  in  her  own  soul  felt  so  deeply 
the  sentence  of  death,  that  she  seemed  to  have  no  hope  of  saf- 
vation.  At  last  she  told  the  Lord,  one  day,  she  could  almost 
believe,  and  if  he  would  give  some  sign,  she  thought  she  should 
hold  out  no  longer.  The  sign  which  God  gave  to  Israel,  through 
Samuel's  prayer,  came  strongly  to  her  mind,  as  she  waited 
before  the  Lord — her  soul  then  struggling  between  faith  and 
unbelief.  It  was  at  that  time  rather  cold  weather;  but  the 
Lord  was  pleased,  before  the  --lose  of  the  day,  to  send  a  storm 
of  thunder  and  lightning,  whic;;  terrified  her  beyond  expression. 
While  she  was  on  her  knees,  i-xpecting  every  moment  to  drop 
into  hell,  (which  she  now  clearly  felt  she  deserved,)  she  cried 
to  the  God  of  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Jacob,  to  hear  and  save  her! 
God  did  hear.  Glory  be  to  his  free  mercy,  he  made  her  to  feel, 
1  None  but  Jesus  could  do  helpless  sinners  good  !'  In  the  same. 


TART   HI.]  ittRS.    FLETCHER.  101 

moment  she  felt  his  blood  applied,  and  shouted  aloud  the  praises 
of  her  Messiah ! 

"Prom  this  time  she  continued  happy  in  the  love  of  God. 
She  then  became  sensible  of  the  stirrings  of  inbred  sin,  from 
which  she  had  no  thougnt  of  ever  being  delivered  till  she  should 
lay  down  the  body.  I  found  much  blessing  in  conversing  with 
her  ;  and  after  the  first  time,  she  was  much  stirred  up  to  seek 
a  farther  salvation.  For  some  weeks  she  was  tossed  between 
hope  and  fear. — One  day  as  1  was  meeting  brother  Sims's  class, 
she  seemed  uncommonly  oppressed  with  unbelief,  yet  she 
pleaded,  '  O !  can  it  be  possible  that  I  should  be  wholly  deli- 
vered from  anger,  and  live  in  a  place  where  I  have  ten  children 
to  look  after  ]'  1  recommended  her  to  look  to  Jesus,  who  could 
and  would  '  save  her  to  the  uttermost.'  Several  of  us  walked 
home  together.  As  she  was  praying  inwardly,  and  meditating 
on  the  all-sufficiency  of  the  Saviour,  sister  Tripp  said,  '  God 
kept  Shadrach,  Meshach,  and  Abednego,  in  the  fire,  and  why 
not  you  !'  She  answered  nothing,  but  pondered  the  words  in 
her  heart.  When  she  got  home,  she  began  to  consider,  He 
really  did  keep  the  three  children  in  the  furnace !  And  he  can 
keep  me  from  anger.  As  she  strove  to  believe,  her  faith  grew 
stronger  and  stronger,  till  she  could  cast  the  full  weight  of  her 
soul  on  Jesus,  as  her  uttermost  Redeemer.  O  my  friends,  praise 
the  Lord !" 

Cross  Hall,  September  12. — This  day  I  am  thirty-nine  years 
.  O  that  I  might  live  to  Thee  more  than  ever !  What 
have  I  either  done  or  suffered  for  thee,  in  this  last  year  1  As 
to  the  state  of  my  soul,  I  trust  I  am  nearer  to  God  than  before 
I  went  my  journey.  But  I  am  still  a  dull  scholar  in  thy  school. 
I  want  that  full  baptism  of  the  Spirit :  God's  promise  to  all 
believers.  Mr.  ***  is  very  kind  and  helpful  to  me  in  the  care 
of  my  temporal  affairs  ;  but  what  my  trials  are,  none  but  God 
knows.  To-day  I  was  blessed  in  praying  for  him,  with  that 
word  :  "  I  will  bless  them  that  bless  thee  !"  Amen  !  Amen  ! 

Sunday,  November  15. — This  day  I  found  a  blessing  in  put- 
ting in  practice  some  resolutions  I  had  formed  for  my  daily 
walk.  At  seven  we  set  out  for  Daw  Green,  where  we  had  a 
good  meeting.  O  what  a  desire  did  I  feel  for  that  people,  while 
I  was  speaking  on  that  word,  "  The  Lord  thy  God  is  a  jealous 
God!" 

March  26,  1779.— This  day  I  s^t  apart  as  a  fast,  to  lay  before 
the  Lord  the  following  particulars:  1.  My  present  situation. 
'2.  To  ask  for  wisdom  how  to  walk  before  my  family.  3.  For 

more  of  his  love.     4.  For  a  blessing  on  my  journey  to . 

5.  For  my  relations.  On  the  whole  it  has  been  a  good  day. 
As  to  the  first  petition,  my  present  situation,  I  found  much 
power  and  liberty  in  believing  God  would  undertake  and  appoint 
me  some  deliverance ;  yea,  entire  deliverance,  in  his  own  time 
9* 


102  THE    LIFE    OF  [PART  lit. 

and  in  his  own  way  ;  and  I  had  more  faith,  I  think,  than  ever 
before' ;  yet,  it  was  mixed  with  sweet  resignation.  2.  How  to 
walk  with  wisdom  before  my  family.  I  felt  a  great  pleading 
for  this,  and  some  encouragement,  that  I  should  yet  "  adorn  the 
Gospel."  The  third,  For  more  love.  I  felt  freedom  in  asking 
it.  The  fourth,  For  a  blessing  on  the  few  days  I  am  to  spend 

at .     I  feel  much  of  the  cross  in  this  adventure ;  yet,  1 

think  1  must  do  it,  and  God  will  be  with  me.  As  to  the  fifth. 
I  could  find  no  particular  opening,  only  a  willingness  to  do,  be, 
or  suffer,  any  thing  for  their  good.  Perhaps  the  time  has  not 
yet  come.  The  third  time  I  went  to  prayer,  all  seemed  swal- 
lowed up  in  that  petition ;  Lord,  give  me  "  the  love  that  never 
faileth." 

.  Wednesday  in  Passion  Week. — I  have  this  day  offered  my. 
self  up  afresh  to  the  Lord,  as  a  whole  burnt  sacrifice.  O  give 
me  that  situation,  those  friends,  those  comforts,  or  crosses, 
which  will  best  stand  with  thy  own  glory !  'Tis  all  I  ask — 'tis 
all  my  choice. 

May  21. — Lord,  my  thirsty  soul  crieth  after  thee ;  I  long  for 
a  fuller  deliverance.  Last  night  I  met  the  old  members  of  the 
W.  band,  and  a  sweet  time  we  had ;  the  Lord  was  very  gra-. 
cioue  in  helping  his  unworthy  worm,  and  gave  me,  I  believe, 
to  speak  to  his  glory.  Since  I  returned  from  my  journey  to 

,  I  have  been  much  drawn  out  in  praise.    O  how  good  was 

the  Lord  !  He  made  hard  things  easy,  and  was  better  to  me 
than  either  my  fears  or  wishes.  To-day  when  at  prayer,  I  had 
a  sight  of  the  necessity  of  contemplation  ;  I  mean,  of  labouring 
to  keep  the  mind  on  spiritual  things,  and  to  consider  and  weigh 
the  word  of  God,  his  love,  his  fulness  !  "Love  without  end, 
and  without  measure,  grace  !" 

August,  1780. — O  Lord,  how  peculiar  are  thy  ways  toward 
me  !  What  w.ouldst  thou  have  me  to  do  1  Here  I  am  ;  com- 
mand what  thou  wilt.  Bring  me  to  a  state  of  poverty,  reproach, 
a  workhouse,  or  what  thou  wilt,  only  let  me  not  mistake  my 
way.  It  is  true  I  have  more  than  I  owe,  and  as  yet  an  income 
for  life,  enough  for  myself.  But  I  cannot  support  these  ex- 
penses and  losses.  And  yet  it  seems  I  cannot  get  deliverance 
from  them  !  Every  answer  to  prayer  is  only  "  Stand  still  and 
see  my  salvation."  Lord,  I  am  ready  to  do  so ;  but  all  cry  out. 
"  It  is  madness  not  to  do  something."  And  yet  thou  seemest 
to  frustrate  all  I  attempt.  I  strive  to  save  in  every  thing,  and 
many  ways  I  have  tried  to  do  so  ;  but  unless  all  did  the  same, 
it  makes  little  difference.  When  I  attempt  new  things  of  the 
kind,  various  difficulties  arise  ;  and  some  are  apt  to  say,  "  Save 
in  something  else ;  you  do  not  run  out  in  this  !" 

The  other  day  a  friend  said  he  was  desired  to  ask  me,  "  I . 
I  did  not  do  wrong  in  spending  so  much  time  on  the  sick  poor  ?• 
In  making  medicines,  clothes,"  &c  ?  And  ****  said,  "  It  ie  a 


PART  HI.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  103 

poor  way  of  spending  your  time  thus,  for  the  bodies  of  the 
people.  If  that  is  your  call,  it  is  a  mean  call!"  I  have*pon- 
dered  the  thought ;  and  having  set  apart  a  day  for  fasting  and 
prayer,  the  result  of  my  most  serious  reflections  were  as  follows  : 

What  was  my  setting  out,  or  first  light  ?  Why,  from  seven 
years  old,  (the  first  time  I  felt  a  spark  of  faith,)  my  conviction 
was, — not  to  be  conformed  to  the  customs,  fashions,  and  max- 
ims of  the  world ;  and  my  frequent  prayer  was,  as  a  little 
manuscript  now  by  me  proves,  Lord,  bring  me  out  from  among 
the  ungodly  !  Cast  my  lot  with  the  poor  who  are  rich  in  faith; 
and  make  me  to  have  my  delight  with  the  excellent  of  the 
earth.  And  then  I  will  not  complain  for  toil,  poverty,  or 
reproach. 

When  I  was  seventeen,  my  desires  after  holiness  began  to 
deepen,  and  I  found  a  particular  call  to  a  farther  dedication  of 
my  soul  to  God,  in  those  words  of  St.  Paul  to  Timothy,  descrip- 
tive of  the  character  of  those  women,  who  in  the  primitive 
church  were  chosen  as  deaconesses,  "If  she  have  lodged 
strangers,  if  she  have  brought  up  children,  if  she  have  washed 
the  saints'  feet,  and  diligently  followed  after  every  good  work." 
-When  I  was  twenty-one,  being  brought  to  the  choice  of  my 
own  manner  of  life,  I  was  enabled  in  a  degree  to  follow  the 
plans  thus  formerly  laid  down. 

As  to  my  present  way  of  life,  of  which  a  visiter  had  said  a 
few  days  ago,  "  I  think,  madam,  your  call  is  a  strange  one, — 
to  the  care  of  cows  and  horses,  sheep  and  pigs  ;" — referring  to 
my  farm, — I  considered,  I  am  by  the  order  of  Providence  made 
mistress  of  a  great  family,  and  in  straitened  circumstances. 
There  is  therefore  occasion  for  all  my  care  and  management, 
otherwise  the  embarrassment  would  be  much  greater. — And  it 
is  good  for  the  uncommon  pride  of  my  nature,  to  bow  before 
that  word,  "  In  the  sweat  of  thy  brow  shalt  thou  eat  bread."  It 
is  true,  I  have  bread  enough  for  myself;  but  having  joined  the 
interests  of  so  many  with  my  own,  I  am  willing  to  act  thus, 
that  they  may  have  bread  too.  The  Lord  hath  been  pleased, 
also,  to  enable  me  to  help  the  sick :  this  calls  for  some  labour, 
and  some  small  expenses  in  preparing  and  applying  the  medi- 
cines :  but  many  souls  have  been  blessed,  and  several  brought 
to  God  thereby.  Some  rich  persons,  to  whose  ear  I  could 
never  have  had  access,  have,  through  the  belief  that  I  could 
help  their  bodies,  admitted  the  closest  application  to  their  souls  : 
so  that  I  dare  as  soon  cut  off  my  right  hand  as  bury  this  trifling 
talent  in  a  napkin.  The  souls  under  my  ror>f  also  call  for  more 
diligent  care  than  I  am  conscious  I  bestow  upon  them ;  and 
though  some  say,  "  I  do  not  regard  as  any  thing  what  you  do 
for  the  family,  that  is  only  burying  yourself  in  one  house ;"  yet 
I  see  it  my  duty,  and  I  must  apply  thereto. 

Again,  I  believe  I  should  strive  to  get  at  the  neighbours  wh» 


104  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  III. 

live  within  my  knowledge,  and  do  good  to  their  souls,  if  I  can. 
To  tfiis  it  is  replied,  "  You  spend  too  much  time  on  one  neigh- 
bourhood." But  perhaps  I  shall  soon  be  called  to  leave  this 
neighbourhood,  and  this  family,  and  then  I  shall  not  repent  of 
that  application.  I  am  also  called  to  keep  together  some  pre- 
cious meetings,  in  which  the  work  of  God  flourishes,  and  to  go 
sometimes  to  meet  others  in  more  distant  places ;  as  well  as 
to  write  many  letters  on  the  concerns  of  the  soul.  And  now  I 
ask, — Lord,  am  I  in  my  place  or  not  ?  To  which  it  seemed  my 
conscience  gave  the  following  answer : — The  surest  mark  of 
true  piety,  is  to  fill  up  the  duties  of  our  own  station  with  the 
utmost  fidelity.  We  may  plan  fine  schemes,  talk  of  many  jour- 
neys, and  see  ourselves  converting  whole  worlds, — but  in  these 
airy  phantoms  there  is  much  danger  of  self  having  a  great  mix- 
ture. Whereas  in  the  application  to  the  order  of  God,  in  the 
present  time,  as  it  opens  itself  from  moment  to  moment,  there 
is  no  room  for  choice.  I  have  heard  good  people  say,  "  I  am 
•weary  of  life,  because  of  the  burdens  which  I  have  to  bear.  I 
want  to  spend  all  my  time  in  a  more  excellent  way."  And  yet 
as  soon  as  they  throw  off  one  burden,  the  Lord  finds  them  an- 
other. But  the  soul  truly  devoted  to  God  finds  no  oppressive 
burden  in  the  opening  of  the  present  moment,  which  shows  the 
divine  order  of  his  providence,  and  brings  with  it,  to  the  resign- 
ed soul,  both  light  and  power  either  to  act  or  suffer.  In  a  low 
degree  I  find  that  to  be  my  case.  I  am  called  to  work  ;  and 
therein  I  fulfil  my  covenant  not  to  complain  of  toil,  although 
my  wages  seems  to  be  put  into  a  bag  full  of  holes.  I  cannot 
have  ray  own  choice  herein ;  nor  do  I  complain  of  poverty. 
Thus  I  am  often  upbraided  for  walking  in  that  order,  in  which, 
(till  I  can  get  out  of  it,)  undoubtedly  the  Lord  has  placed  me. 
I  sink  under  his  yoke,  and  if  I  can  but  keep  free  from  impa- 
tience or  discouragement,  I  may  fulfil  his  will,  and  shall  not 
eomplain  of  reproach.  But,  alas !  I  do  too  often  admit  discou- 
ragement, and  am  ready  to  cry  out, 

"  Ah !  whither  or  to  whom  shall  I, 
Par  from  these  woes,  for  kind  protection  fly  V 

Yet  something  says  in  my  heart,  a  time  is  at  hand  when  the 
Lord  will  bring  me  out  of  these  deep  waters, — and  I  am  deter- 
mined to  stand  still  and  see  his  salvation. 

November. — Last  night  I  was  led  to  pray  much  for  a  spirit- 
ual mind,  both  sleeping  and  waking.  I  went  to  bed  recollected. 
I  dreamed  I  was  sitting  up  in  bed  with  the  Bible  in  my  hand. 
I  saw  two  shining  appearances,  but  no  distinct  form.  The  ap- 
pearance was  as  the  heads  of  two  glorious  persons,  and  a  ray 
of  light  came  from  them  on  the  book  in  my  hand,  in  which  I 
was  enabled  to  discover  something  which  quite  delighted  me, 
and  I  cried  out, — O  had  I  known  this  before,  I  should  have 


PART  III.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  105 

made  the  whole  house  ring  with  shouts  of  praise !  I  then  saw 
all  around  ray  bed  a  beautif id  garden  filled  with  evergreens,  and 
on  each  tree,  and  on  the  ground,  lay  something  like  a  light 
frost.  I  wondered  at  that,  till  these  words  came  to  my  mind, 
"  The  dew  shall  lie  all  night  upon  thy  branches !"  1  then  cried 
out,  O  what  a  delightful  scene  !  What  a  lovely  prospect !  Here 
shall  I  for  ever  rest !  I  then  threw  my  soul  with  such  a  divine 
confidence  on  the  Lord  Jesus,  as  I  think  I  never  did  before,  and 
in  that  act  I  awaked.  I  could  not  recollect  what  the  delightful 
discovery  in  the  Bible  was ; — but  a  fuller  sense  of  God  than  ever 
before  has  rested  on  my  soul. 

January  11,  1781. — Many  mercies  have  I  seen  within  these 
three  or  four  days.  Nothing  is  so  good  to  me,  as  to  meet  every 
thing  in  the  will  and  order  of  God  ;  abandoning  myself,  soul, 
body,  and  family,  into  his  hands,  believing  he  will  order  all 
right.  I  find  many  convictions  about  my  household.  I  am  not 
a  faithful  head.  I  neither  lead  them  by  example,  instruction, 
or  reproof,  as  I  ought.  Lord,  teach  me  how  to  go  in  and  out 
before  this  people  !  I  seem  to  have  an  impression  that  I  shal" 
not  long  remain  with  them.  I  seem  to  see  another  place,  and 
another  people,  which  1  am  called  to ; — and  outward  things 
confirm  the  impression.  One  thing  I  have"  been  very  faulty 
in  during  the  last  year,  I  have  not  risen  early  with  any  degree 
of  constancy  ;  and  that  is  a  general  loss  both  to  my  own  soul 
and  my  family.  O  Lord  !  when  shall  I  be  "  all  glorious  witbiK, 
and  my  clothing  of  wrought  gold?" 

January  13. — I  have  been  to-day  a  good  deal  drawn  out  in 
prayer.  My  exercises  as  to  outward  things  are  very  great.  I 
have  a  most  narrow  path  to  walk  in  !  I  am  called  to  live  by 
faith  indeed.  As  I  was  at  prayer  this  morning,  I  was  led  to  ask 
of  the  Lord  that  he  would  bring  me  out  of  all  my  difficulties  iii 
his  own  way.  Certainly  the  whole  earth  is  the  Lord's ;  and  I 
asked  of  him  such  a  situation  in  life  as  will  most  glorify  him- 
self.  It  was  brought  before  me,  Perhaps  that  will  be  by  bringing 
you  to  entire  poverty.  I  asked  my  heart,  Am  I  willing  on  that 
condition  to  be  made  holy  1  And  I  felt  I  could  say,  "  Yes,  Lord, 
yes."  Again,  the  thought  was  suggested,  But  perhaps  to  a 
parish  house,  while  your  income  goes  each  year  for  your  debts  1 
I  answered,  Thy  will  be  done !  It  was  then  represented,  as  if 
I  was  on  a  common  side,  dying,  destitute  of  every  human  help 
or  comfort.  In  that  I  felt  great  sweetness.  But  the  sorest 
stroke  was  still  behind :  What  if  you  shoidd  die  in  debt,  and 
leave  nothing  to  pay?  and  so  through  you  the  Gospel  be 
reproached  ?  This  came  the  nearest  of  all ;  but  it  was  clearly 
shown  me,— That  the  fear  of  the  Gospel  being  blamed,  often 
arose  from  our  fear  of  personal  reproach ; — for  as  to  the  truths 
of  God,  he  would  take  care  of  them ;  and  if  I  was  really  wrong, 
it  would  be  for  the  glory  of  God  to  have  it  made  manifest ;  and 


106  THE  LIFE  OF  (PART  III. 

if  he  was  but  glorified,  my  soul  was  content.  Certainly,  thought 
I,  if  it  was  in  my  power  to  break  off  my  expenses,  it  would  be 
right  so  to  do ;  and  I  do  right  in  contriving  every  way  I  can 
toward  it.  But  as  all  my  endeavours  are  always  frustrated,  I 
see  no  way  but  to  cast  myself  on  the  will  of  God,  and  embrace, 
as  his  will,  poverty,  and  deep  reproach ; — and  still  continue  to 
believe  in  the  promises,  till  I  see,  even  by  the  time  of  my  death, 
that  there  has  not  been  an  accomplishment  of  them.  Perhaps 
after  all  I  am  right.  Perhaps  the  day  will  come  (impossible  as 
it  now  appears)  when  /  shall  have  plenty  of  silver,  and  then 
the  light  shall  indeed  shine  on  my  way. 

Next  June  I  shall  be  fourteen  years  from  Laytonstone  ;  and 
the  September  following  I  shall  be  forty-two  years  old.  It  may 
be  that  soon  after  that  time  deliverance  may  appear.  The  words 
rested  on  my  mind,  "  By  the  way  that  thou  wentest,  by  that 
way  shalt  thou  return."  Lord,  thou  knowest  what  they  mean  ; 
but  I  see  all  sorts  of  crucifixions  are  needful  for  me.  O  my 
hard  heart  !  what  need  hath  it  had  of  breaking ! 

February  15. — When  I  was  at  Leeds  some  time  since,  I  had 
much  proof  of  the  goodness  of  God  in  many  ways.  On  the 
whole  it  was  a  journey  for  good.  I  heard  a  dream  of  a  good 
woman  while  there,  which  was  made  a  blessing  to  me.  She 
thought  she  was  dying,  and  felt  her  soul  leave  the  body.  Im- 
mediately she  found  herself  standing  in  the  presence  of  God  ! 
Jesus  appeared  to  her  as  seated  on  a  white  throne  !  He  beck- 
oned to  her  with  his  hand,  and  said,  Come  up  hither.  When 
she  was  by  his  side,  she  saw  many  of  the  saints  with  the  angels. 
Among  them  was  William  Bramah ;  he  shone  very  bright. 
Some  others  she  knew  also.  Our  Lord  then  pointed  to  the 
crowns  of  some  saints  still  on  earth, — and  she  understood,  by 
the  appearance  of  some  of  those  crowns,  that  the  persons  were 
in  great  temptation.  Our  Lord  and  the  glorious  company  seem- 
ed to  sympathize  greatly  with  them, — and  when  by  faith  they 
conquered,  a  jewel  was  added  to  the  crown,  and  the  whole  shone 
brighter !  But  every  time  they  gave  way  to  any  corruption,  a 
gem  dropped  out,  and  the  whole  crown  turned  dark  !  SoW- 
times  there  seemed  joy  in  Jieaven  over  them  ;  sometimes  a  kind 
of  mourning.  She  sat  some  time  in  sweet  delight,  and  then 
awaking,  found  with  amazement  she  was  still  in  the  body  ! 

I  am  going  to .    It  is  a  fine  opportunity  for  speaking 

to  a  number  of  the  most  lively  souls,  out  of  various  societies, — 
end  they  begin  to  inquire  all  around  when  I  will  come.  O  my 
God,  how  these  things  break  rne  to  pieces  !  What  an  unworthy 
worm  !  If  they  knew  me,  how  would  they  be  astonished,  that 
the  Lord  should  work  by  such  a  one  as  I !  But  thou  canst  do 
whatever  seemeth  thee  good ! 

March  20,-r-I  have  been  poorly  lately  with  a  complaint  in  my 
eyes ; — I  can  write  a  little.  The  cold  this  winter  has  beer 


PART  HI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  107 

very  severe,  and  I  have  felt  it  much.  But  O  how  am  I  indulged ! 
A  good  house,  a  bed  fit  for  a  king,  plenty  of  fire,  food,  &c  ! 
\vhile  many  of  my  Father's  children  know  almost  the  want  of 
all  things  !  I  was  much  affected  the  other  day  when  the  preacher 
left  our  house.  I  thought,  if  I  had  in  this  snow  and  wind  to 
ride  over  the  moors,  and  through  deep  lanes,  as  he  has,  I  could 
not  sit  on  my  horse.  Truly  I  count  it  a  great  honour  to  be  per- 
mitted to  contribute  in  the  least  to  their  necessities  !  O  let  m<? 
ever  wash  the  feet  of  the  servants  of  my  Lord ! 

I  feel  my  soul  does  come  forward.  Constancy  in  early  rising 
is  a  great  blessing  to  me,  both  as  a  Christian,  and  as  a  mistress-. 
The  other  morning  I  was  waked  with  that  word,  "  Ye  havs 
need  of  patience,  that  after  ye  have  done  the  will  of  God,  ye 
may  receive  the  promises."  At  night,  as  I  was  at  prayer,  that 
word  also  came  with  power,  "  Thou  hast  kept  the  word  of  my 
patience ;  I  also  will  keep  thee  in  the  hour  of  temptation !" 
Amen,  Lord  Jesus,  Amen !  Give  me  to  "  keep  the  word  of  thy 
patience  faithful  unto  the  end  !" 

April. — My  soul,  wait  thou  still  upon  God,  for  of  him  cometh 
thy  salvation.  More  crosses,  more  disappointments  ;  but  last 
night  I  had  a  ray  of  faith  which  revived  me.  I  have  of  late  had 
a  very  clear  view  of  the  absolute  necessity  of  keeping  the  mind 
always  stayed  on  God,  from  those  words  :  "  Resist  the  devi'., 
and  he  will  flee  from  you."  Indeed  he  is  a  chained  dog,  and 
can  go  no  farther  than  man's  consent  will  suffer  liim.  His 
works  are  chiefly  carried  on  in  the  chambers  of  the  imagina- 
tion. These  are  indeed  the  chambers  of  imagery  '  He  fixes 
his  first  hold  in  the  imagination,  which  is  the  antichamber  of 
the  heart.  Afterward  he  passes  on  to  the  passions  and  affec- 
tions. These  form  the  passage  through  which  all  passes  to  the 
heart,  both  good  and  evil.  If  the  mind  then  is  engrossed  by 
Satan,  and  he  be  suffered  to  rule  there,  the  benign  influence  of 
the  Holy  Spirit  is  prevented,  and  the  soul  is  filled  with  all  evil. 
Thus,  "  To  be  carnally  minded  is  death ;  but  to  be  spiritually 
minded  is  life  and  peace." 

April  25. — I  have  had  some  remarkable  answers  to  prayer  of 
late,  and  some  directions  by  lot,  which  I  shall  lay  up  in  my 
heart  till  I  see  the  way  of  the  Lord.  O  my  God,  give  me  just 
such  a  situation  in  every  respect  as  will  be  most  for  thy  glory  ! 
Many  blessings  also  I  hate  of  late  received  in  visiting  the  sick, 
and  strength  has  been  given  me  above  that  which  is  common. 
I  long  for  a  closer  walk  with  my  God  !  O  that  I  may  live  to 
God  every  moment,  with  every  power ! 

May  6,  Sunday. — I  had  liberty  this  day  to  entreat  the  Lord, 
to  show  me  the  surest  and  shortest  way  to  holiness.  Many 
things  were  showed  me,  which  I  hope  to  put  in  practice ;  but 
above  all,  it  was  impressed  on  my  mind,  Live  by  faith. 


106  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  Tl. 


PART  THE  FOURTH. 


HER    MARRIAOK,    AND   REMOVAL    TO    MADELEY. 

THE  seventh  of  June,  1781,  as  I  before  observed,  was  the 
day  that  began  my  fourteenth  year  in  Yorkshire.  On  that  day 
I  took  a  particular  view  of  my  whole  situation,  and  saw  diffi- 
culties as  mountains  rise  all  around  me.  Faith  was  hard  put 
to  it.  The  promise  seemed  to  stand  sure,  and  I  thought  the 
season  was  come,  yet  the  waters  were  deeper  than  ever.  I 
thought  also,  how  shall  I  now  hold  fast  that  word  so  powerfully 
given  to  me,  "  The  Almighty  shall  be  thy  defence,  and  thou 
shalt  have  plenty  of  silver  V 

At  length  "  the  cloud  arose  as  a  man's  hand."  The  very 
next  day,  June  the  eighth,  I  received  a  letter  from  Mr.  Fletcher, 
in  which  he  told  me, — That  he  had  for  twenty-five  years  found 
a  regard  for  me,  which  was  still  as  sincere  as  ever ;  and  though 
it  might  appear  odd  he  should  write  on  such  a  subject,  when 
but  just  returned  from  abroad,  and  more  so  without  seeing  me 
jirst,  he  could  only  say,  that  his  mind  was  so  strongly  drawn  to 
do  it,  he  believed  it  to  be  the  order  of  Providence. 

In  reading  this  letter  I  was  much  struck  ; — so  many  circum- 
stances all  uniting.  1.  The  season  it  came  in.  2.  His  writing 
on  the  subject  before  we  had  met,  after  an  absence  of  fifteen 
years ;  and  without  his  having  the  most  distant  suspicion  of 
'.my  mind  being  inclined  toward  it.  3.  His  mentioning,  that 
for  twenty-five  years  he  had  had  the  thought.  All  these  par- 
ticulars answered  to  the  marks  which  I  had  laid  down.  His 
unexpected  recovery,  also,  and  safe  return,  so  plainly  pointed 
out  the  hand  of  Providence,  that  all  ground  of  reasoning  against 
it  seemed  removed.  Yet,  on  the  other  hand,  a  strange  fear 
possessed  my  mind  lest  I  should  take  any  step  out  of  the  order 
of  God ; — nor  was  Satan  wanting  to  represent  great  trials 
"before  me,  which  he  told  me  I  should  not  have  strength  to 
stand  in. 

We  corresponded  ,\rith  openness  and  freedom,  till  August 
the  first,  when  he  cam*  to  Cross  Hall,  and  abode  there  a  month, 
preaching  in  differeiu  places  with  much  power : — and  having 
opened  our  whole  hearts  tc  each  other,  both  on  temporals  and 
spirituals,  we  believed  it  to  be  the  order  of  God  we  should 
become  one,  when  he  should  make  our  way  plain. 

He  then  returned  to  his  parish,  a  hundred  and  twelve  miles 
from  the  place  where  I  lived ; — for  we  could  not  think  of  taking 
the  step  till  my  affairs  were  more  clearly  settled.     So  w. 
our  leave  of  each  other,  committing  all  into  His  hands  wkc 
"  does  wtat  he  r-'ill  with  his  own." 


PART  IV.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  109 

In  about  five  weeks  he  returned ;  but  still  all  seemed  shut 
up ;  no  way  opened  either  for  disposing  of  the  farm,  or  of  the 
family.  Conversing  one  day  with  Mrs.  Clapham,  of  Leeds,  she 
said,  "  What  do  you  stick'  at  ?  The  Lord  has  done  so  much  to 
convince  you  that  this  is  to  be  your  deliverance,  how  is  it  that 
you  do  not  believe,  and  obey  his  order  1  I  verily  believe  if  you 
would  take  the  step  in  faith,  your  way  would  be  made  plain 
directly ;  and  I  will  now  tell  you  what  has  passed  my  mind 
concerning  it.  When  I  was  some  months  since  at  Scarbo- 
rough, as  I  was  one  day  in  private,  praying  for  you,  and  much 
drawn  out  in  laying  your  trials  before  the  Lord,  I  was  as  if 
taken  out  of  myself,  and  saw  by  the  eye  of  faith  both  Mr. 
Fletcher  and  you,  and  that  you  were  designed  for  each  other, 
and  that  much  glory  to  God  would  arise  from  your  union.  But 
at  the  same  time  I  saw  that  there  were  various  obstacles  in  the  ' 
way ; — but  the  chief  was  the  want  of  money.  It  seemed  to  me, 
however,  if  you  would  believe  and  obey  the  order  of  God,  all 
would  be  made  clear  before  you.  Then  I  saw  a  tall  young  man, 
(it  seemed  to  me  it  was  your  youngest  brother,)  who  poured 
down  bags  of  gold,  not  once  only,  or  twice,  but  several  times. 
Some  were  small,  others  seemed  large  sums ;  one  was  very 
large ;  and  it  was  impressed  on  my  mind,  that  all  your  trials 
of  that  kind  were  over,  and  that  you  would  never  experience 
those  difficulties  any  more."*  She  then  asked,  "  Have  you 
more  brothers  than  one  7"  I  replied,  Yes,  I  have  two,  and  the 
youngest  is  tall ;  but  I  never  received  any  thing  in  particular 
from  him,  nor  have  I  the  least  reason  to  expect  it.  Her  dis- 
course, however,  with  several  concurring  circumstances,  made 
an  impression  on  our  minds ;  and  after  asking  -direction  from 
the  Lord,  we  agreed  to  take  the  step  in  a  fortnight. 

For  the  first  week  all  remained  as  usual ;  but  in  the  begin- 
ning of  the  second,  a  gentleman  came  quite  unexpectedly,  and 
bought  the  place,  for  one  thousand  six  hundred  and  twenty 
pounds.  Three  days  after,  another  took  the  stock,  &c.  A  way 
seemed  also  to  open  for  each  member  of  the  family,  so  that 
with  a  little  assistance,  every  one  had  a  comfortable  prospect 
before  them.  The  case  of  one,  a  jroor  cripple,  who  had  lived 
with  me  sixteen  years,  seemed  difficult  Though  she  feared 
and  loved  God,  she  had  such  infirmities,  no  one  was  willing  to 
take  her ;  and  we  had  some  reasons  against  taking  her  with 
us  to  Madeley.  But  this  difficulty  also  was  removed.  On 
Sunday  night,  November  the  llth,  i  received  a  letter  from  a 

*  '-  his  whole  account  is  certainly  very  extraordinary.  No  picas  person,  how- 
ever, wiil  say,  that  the  Lord  has  not  helped,  or  would  not  thus  direct  or  comfort 
hi:  servants,  in  peculiar  difficulties;  and  no  person  whc  was  acquainted  with. 
Mi  ••>.  Clapham,  will  doubt  either  the  truth  of  her  declaration,  or  the  sobriety  of 
oti  mind. — ED. 

10 


110  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  IV, 

pious  lady,  who  had  first  recommended  her  to  me,  stating  that 
she  would  take  her  back  and  maintain  her. 

All  was  now  so  far  settled,  that  I  did  not  need  to  sell  Lay- 
tonstone  estate.  My  income  would  afford  to  allow  the  pious 
souls  of  my  dispersed  family  fifty-five  pounds  per  year ;  pay  the 
interest  of  the  money  still  owing ;  and  yet  leave  me  such  an 
annual  sum  as  was  about '  equal  to  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher's 
income ;  and  in  case  of  my  death,  there  was  in  Laytonstone 
more  than  would  pay  all. 

So  on  Monday,  the  12th  of  November,  1781,  in  Batley  church, 
we  covenanted  in  the  name  of  the  Father,  and  of  the  Son,  and 
'of  the  Holy  Ghost,  "To  bear  each  other's  burdens,"  and  to 
become  one  for  ever. 

We  agreed  it  would  be  best  to  leave  all  our  furniture,  except 
a  few  trifles,  to  be  sold  with  the  house.  Pine  would  do  for  us 
as  well  as  mahogany.  I  felt  some  attachment  to  my  neat  fur- 
niture ;  but  love  to  the  order  of  God  made  me  take  the  spoil- 
ing of  them  very  cheerfully.  The  money  was  not  to  be  paid 
in  immediately  for  the  estate  ;  we  were,  therefore,  rather  at  a 
loss  to  settle  all  our  accounts  before  we  left  the  place,  and  to 
give  that  assistance  to  our  friends  we  wished  to  do.  On  an 
exact  calculation,  we  found  a  hundred  pounds  were  wanting. 
We  laid  it  before  the  Lord ;  and  the  next  post  I  received  a 
letter  from  my  youngest  brother,  with  a  bank  note  of  one  hun- 
dred pounds  inclosed,  as  a  present ; — though  he  knew  nothing 
of  our  particular  want,  nor  had  I  the  least  reason  to  expect  his 
assistance,  except  the  extraordinary  communication  by  Mrs. 
Clapham,  which  I  have  related. 

On  January  2,  1782,  we  set  out  for  Madeley.  But  O !  where 
shall  I  begin  my  song  of  praise  1  What  a  turn  is  there  in  all 
my  affairs  !  What  a  depth  of  sorrow,  distress,  and  perplexity, 
am  I  delivered  from  !  How  shall  I  find  language  to  express 
the  goodness  of  the  Lord!  Not  one  of  the  good  things  hath 
failed  me  of  all  the  Lord  my  God  hath  spoken.  Now  I  know 
no  want,  but  that  of  more  grace.  I  have  such  a  husband  as  is 
in  every  thing  suited  to  me.  He  bears  with  all  my  faults  and 
failings  in  a  manner  that  c&>tinually  reminds  me  of  that  word, 
"  Love  your  wives  as  Christ  loved  the  church."  His  constant 
endeavour  is  to  make  me  happy  ;  his  strongest  desire  my  spi- 
ritual growth.  He  i^,  in  every  sense  of  the  word,  the  man  my 
highest  reason  chooses  to  obey.  I  am  also  happy  in  a  servant, 
whom  I  took  from  the  side  of  her  mother's  coffin,  when  she  was 
four  years  old.  She  loves  us  as  if  we  were  her  parents,  and  is 
also  truly  devoted  to  God. 

Madeley,  Shropshire.  May  30, 1782. — Where  shall  I  begin, 
or  how  recount  thy  faithfulness,  O  my  God !  Oh !  "  What  is 
man  that  thou  art  mindful  of  him!"  Above  all,  what  am  I, 
most  sinful  dust  and  ashes,  that  thou  hast  made  my  cup  to  rur 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  Ill 

over  above  all  I  could  think  or  wish  for !  O  for  holiness  !  Lord, 
let  me  be  thine,  and  doubly  thine  for  ever ! 

O  the  fears  which  filled  my  soul  before  and  after  our  mar- 
riage !  but  how  causeless  have  they  all  proved !  I  have  the1 
kindest  and  tenderest  of  husbands  ;  so  spiritual  a  man,  and  so 
spiritual  a  union,  I  never  had  any  adequate  conception  of.  He 
is  every  way  suited  to  me, — all  I  could  wish.*  The  work 
among  souls  increases.  I  feel  it  is  the  Lord  who  hath  cast  my 
lot  here.  For  some  months  I  suffered  much  through  fears  of 
various  kinds  ;  all  my  situation  being  changed,  I  feared  I  should 
not  be  equal  to  the  task  allotted  me,  and  that  I  should  not  be 
able  to  please  the  people  "  for  their  good."  But  Oh !  had  I  in 
every  trial  but  believed  all  the  way  through,  how  sweetly  might 
I  have  gone  on !  Now  I  see  what  a  gracious  Providence  hath 
superintended  all !  "  Praise  the  Lord,  O  my  soul ;  and  all  that 
is  within  me,  praise  his  holy  name  !" 

June  7. — What  a  deliverance  hath  the  Lord  wrought  for  me  ! 
A  year  ago,  I  thought  there  was  nothing  before  me  (temporal- 
ly) but  ruin.  This  day  twelve  months,  I  cried  out,  "  Thou  hast 
not  delivered  thy  people  at  all."  How  wonderful  a  chain  of 
providences !  As  soon  as  we  determined  to  marry  in  a  fort- 
night, and  leave  the  event  to  the  Lord,  the  house  and  all  was 
sold  in  ten  days,  and  a  way  made  for  every  one  !  But  wanting 
a  hundred  pounds  more  to  get  out  of  that  situation,  we  prayed 
the  Lord  to  appear  in  our  behalf,  and  immediately  my  youngest 
brother  supplied  our  every  need,  though  he  knew  not  any  thing 
of  our  necessity. 

*  "  In  all  my  ways  thy  hand  I  own ! 

Thy  ruling  providence  I  sec." 

September  12. — I  have  seen  forty-three  years  !  Lord,  to 
what  purpose  !  Most  of  this  day  I  have  spent  in  secret  prayer ; 
yet  my  soul  is  rather  sorrowful.  I  have  a  variety  of  people  and 
different  calls  of  God  to  attend  unto  ;  and  I  seem  to  want  more 
wisdom,  light,  and  love.  My  spiritual  sphere  of  action  is  dif- 
ferent. I  nave  in  many  respects  ^  wider  call  for  action  than 
before  ;  but  such  a  one  as  requires  the  momentary  teaching  of 
the  Lord,  both  in  conversing  and  writing  Yet  I  do  not  feel 
all  that  I  felt  at  Hoxton.  No,  I  do  not  ;  i  live  by  faith  as  I  did 
then.  But  I  lie  before  thee,  O  Lord !  ijo  all  thy  will  on  thy 
poor  creature,  for  whom  thou  hast  appeared  in  so  marvellous  a 
manner ! 

October. — The  animating  example  of  my  dear  husband  stirs 
me  up  much.  What  a  spiritual  life  does  he  live — night  and 

*  Mr.  Wesley  observes  in  a  letter  to  the  late  Mrs.  Rogers,  at  that  time  (Decem 
her  9,  1781)  Miss  Roe,  "I  should  not  have  been  willing  that  Miss  Bosanquet 
should  have  been  joined  to  any  other  person  than  Mr.  Fletcher ;  but  I  trust  she 
HWf  be  as  useful  with  him  as  she  was  before." — See  his  Works,  vol  vii 


112  ,  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  IV. 

day  he  is  always  on  the  stretch  for  God.  I  am  a  good  deal 
encouraged  for  the  people.  I  have  much  liberty  in  meeting 
them,  and  my  soul  feels  sweet  fellowship  with  some  among 
them. 

November  1. — I  feel  the  care  which  a  new  place,  and  a  new 
situation,  is  apt  to  bring  on,  and  it  disturbs  the  peace  which 
should  be  kept  in  my  soul.  "  Lord,  increase  my  faith !"  There 
are  many  peculiar  circumstances  in  our  affairs,  and  strangers 
are  concerned  therein ;  but  in  the  end  I  have  found  it  all  work 
for  good ;  it  has  been  to  me  a  good  and  useful  lesson.  First, 
I  find  it  a  cause  of  rejoicing  that  I  have  found  so  much  love  to 
the  persons  concerned  in  it ;  and  secondly,  while  I  was  pray- 
ing about  it,  it  seemed  as  if  the  Lord  showed  me,  as  immedi- 
ately from  himself,  that  I  was  not  required  to  have  any  anxious 
care,  but  that  doing  as  well  as  I  could,  I  might  leave  all  to 
God.  And  if  still  I  could  not  have  things  as  I  would  wish,  that 
it  was  the  most  profitable  cross  in  the  world ;  for  it  may  be 
helpful  to  the  soul,  after  doing  all  we  can,  to  appear  a -fool  in 
the  eyes  of  men.  Those  words  also  bore  much'  on  my  mind : — 

"  Fix  on  his  work  thy  constant  eye, 
So  shall  thy  work  be  done." 

I  now  felt  a  sweet  calm  waiting  on  the  will  of  God,  and  I  could 
say,  Lord,  I  leave  every  thing  to  thee  !  "  One  only  care  my 
soul  shall  know!"  As  I  was  telling  the  whole  affair  to  my 
dearest  husband,  he  said,  "Polly,  do  not  encumber  yourself  for 
my  sake.  If  we  must  be  thought  ignorant  and  awkward,  let 
us  submit  to  it.  I  require  nothing  of  thee,  my  Polly,  but  to  be 
more  and  more  devoted  to  God." 

November  12. — Glory !  unceasing  glory  to  my  adorable  Lord  I 
This  day  we  have  been  married  one  year.  O  how  does  my 
soul  praise  God  for  his  gracious  providence  !  What  a  help- 
mate is  he  to  me,  and  how  much  better  do  we  love  one  another 
this  day,  than  we  did  this  day  twelve  months !  On  a  close 
examination,  I  have  reason  to  believe  my  soul  is  coming  for- 
ward. I  have  seen  this  ye%r  many  and  great  changes, — had 
many  trials  and  many  comforts, — and  I  have  learned  much 
experience  in  various  things,  which  lias  been  much  blessed  to 
me.  O  for  the  moment  when  I  shall  become  a  whole  burnt 
sacrifice ! 

Having  had  some  hurry  by  means  of  unexpected  company 
staying  in  the  house,  and  some  other  things, — and  reflecting 
how  hard  it  is  to  keep  up  uninterrupted  communion  with  God 
in  outward  hurry, — it  was  opened  before  me,  That  the  very 
spirit  of  the  Christian  life  stood  in  the  strictest  observation  or' 
these  words :  "  If  a  man  offend  not  in  tongue,  the  same  is  a 
perfect  man,  and  able  also  to  bridle  the  whole  body."  Nowy 
for  want  of  this  watchfulness,  I  offend  often,  and  that  causes 


PART  IV.J  MRS.   FLETCHER,  113 

distraction  of  spirit,  and  much  hurt  many  ways.  If  I  had  a 
more  constant  waiting,  a  more  continual  attention  to  the  Spirit 
of  God,  I  believe  I  should  find  much  more  room  for  silence  than 
I  usually  do ;  and  that  when  it  was  my  duty  to  speak,  my  words 
would  have  more  weight.  O  my  God,  bring  me  to  this  by  the 
way  that  thou  knowest ;  give  me  a  watchful  mind !  An  eye 
always  fixed  on  thee,  and  a  far  deeper  sense  of  thy  sacred  pre- 
sence !  I  also  want  a  greater  power  of  faith  to  lead  on  these 
precious  souls  that  are  under  my  care  to  more  abundant  life. 
Many  are  now  just  on  the  river's  brink,  but  it  seems  they  want 
a  better  helper  to  assist  in  bringing  them  over. 

May  21,  1783.— This  day  has  been  a  day  of  trial.  In  the 
morning  as  I  walked  out  about  six  o'clock,  Mr.  ***'s  letter  of 
last  night  came  with  pain  to  my  mind.  I  do  not  like  the  good 
that  is  in  my  dearest  Mr.  Fletcher  to  be  evil  spoken  of.  Before 
dinner  I  strove  to  get  near  to  God,  but  having  been  up  most  of 
last  night,  I  was  very  heavy.  In  the  afternoon  I  could  do  but 
little,  but  1  stiove  to  pray.  That  passage  in  Mr.  Wesley's 
Notes  on  the  First  Epistle  of  St.  John,  was  much  blessed,  and 
very  sweet  to  me.  "  Love  is  the  beginning  of  eternal  life. — 
The  same  in  substance  with  glory."  Also  St.  John's  words, 
"  He  that  abideth  in  him  sinneth  not."  I  saw  love  comprised 
all  in  itself.  For  two  hours  I  was  led  to  lie  before  the  Lord, 
though  with  many  distractions,  yet  mingled  with  faith  and  long- 
ing desire.  O  when  wilt  thou  take  up  in  me  thine  everlasting 
abode ! 

May  22. — I  have  this  day  been  engaged  in  company,  and 
sweetly  met  the  order  of  God  therein.  I  was  enabled  to  be 
watchful ;  and  blessed  be  God,  my  tongue  has  been  kept.  We 
took  sweet  counsel  together,  and  I  felt  the  Lord  was  the  director 
of  all  within  and  without. 

August  5. — Since  the  above,  (May  22,)  what  have  I  seen  of 
the  goodness  of  the  Lord !  A  fever  lias  been  in  the  parish, 
which  took  off  many  whom  we  saw  it  our  duty  to  attend.  It 
brought  eternity  very  near,  and  that  always  does  me  good.  It 
came  into  our  family ;  and  Sally  was  attacked  with  it.  But 
my  gracious  God  supported  me  under  all  burdens,  and  raised 
her  up  again  in  a  wonderful  manner.  Soon  after  her  recovery, 
Dr.  Coke  came  in  his  way  from  Dublin.  When  I  heard  he  was 
below,  I  felt  an  unusual  spring  of  pleasure,  with  something  of 
a.  conviction  that  he  brought  a  message  from  the  Lord.  I 
instantly  felt  a  spirit  of  submission,  and  as  it  were  a  listening 
to  the  will  of  God.  So  I  have  often  felt  when  some  conviction 
of  fresh  duty  was  about  to  be  made  plain  to  me.  A  few  days 
before  this,  as  1  was  one  morning  at  prayer,  I  thought  of  one 
of  our  neighbours,  (a  speaker  among  the  Friends,)  who  was 
gone  to  Ireland.  It  was  suggested,  Should  I  be  called  thither, 
could  I  resolve  to  go  ?  It  really  seemed  I  could  not.  The  sea* 
10* 


•114  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  IV, 

to  me  ever  terrible,  appeared  then  doubly  so,  and  I  groaned 
under  the  thought, — where  is  faith  and  resignation  1 

When  we  came  into  the  parlour,  we  found  the  Doctor  had 
brought  some  letters  from  Dublin  to  each  of  us,  by  which  it 
seemed  the  cloud  moved  that  way.  We  said  but  little  then, 
but  went  to  church,  where  the  Doctor  preached.  Before  we 
came  out,  my  soul  was  all  readiness  to  go  to  the  world's  end, 
if  my  adorable  Lord  so  ordered  it. 

When  we  came  home,  I  followed  my  dear  to  his  study,  and 
told  him  if  he  saw  it  his  call  to  go,  I  saw  it  mine  to  follow  him. 
He  tenderly  objected  my  health,  as  I  had  been  very  poorly  some 
time,'and  in  such  a  state  of  relaxation,  that  I  waked  for  several 
mornings  with  blood  in  my  mouth ;  but  I  believed  that  was  not 
to  hinder.  Since  that  day  we  have  been  preparing  for  our  jour- 
ney ;  and  I  have  enjoyed  some  communion  with  God  in  so 
doing.  Satan  is  not  wanting  to  suggest  every  thought  that  can 
raise  fear.  One  day  I  was  thinking,  what  would  save  me  from 
all  painful  fear?  If  the  Lord  was  to  give  me  a  promise  of  our 
safe  return, — that  my  dear  husband's  health  should  not  be  hurt, 
and  that  we  should  have  much  success  when  there, — would  that 
do !  I  hesitated,  and  my  confidence  seemed  to  be  shook  by 
temptation.  I  then  thought,  What  will  enable  me  to  drink  this 
cup  to  the  glory  of  my  Lord  1  My  heart  presently  answered, 
Nothing  but  an  entire*  resignation  ;  a  losing  of  my  whole  will 
in  that  of  ™<y  Lord's, — and  here  I  instantly  found  I  was  on  a 
solid  rock. 

The  trial  is  not  come  single.  My  dear  husband's  health  is 
not  very  good.  What  the  Lord  will  do  with  us  I  know  not. 
We  are,  however,  ready  for  setting  off.  I  feel  my  heart  much 
enlarged,  and  my  spirit  so  willing  to  do  and  suffer  the  whole 
will  of  God,  that  it  amazes  me.  When  I  think  of  my  dear  hus- 
band's life  or  health  being  in  danger,  I  am  not  anxious  as  I 
used  to  be,  but  can  rest  in  the  love  and  wisdom  of  my  unchange- 
able Friend.  For  this  I  praise  him,  because  no  words  can 
express  the  treasure  I  possess  in  our  union.  It  is  such  as  I  had 
no  idea  was  to  be  enjoyed  in  a  married  state ;  and  in  propor- 
tion as  1  get  nearer  to  God,  I  find  a  daily  increase  of  that  union, 
and  yet  I  am  enabled  PO  to  give  him  up  to  the  Lord,  that  it 
holds  my  soul  in  a  quiet  dependence  and  sweet  adherence  to 
the  will  of  God. 

William-street,  Dublin,  September  12. — This  day  of  our 
birth  calls  for  solemn  praise.  I  say  our  birth,  because,  as  far 
a.f>  we  cii,n  learn,  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  was  born  on  the  same 
day  ten  years  before  me.  And  why  were  we  ever  brought  into 
being?  Here  is  the  comfortable  answer:  "I  have  created thee 
for  my  glory :  1  have  formed  thee  for  my  praise  !"  O  let  iu 
answer  that  design  for  ever ! 
••  Many  were  my  conflicts  before  we  set  out  for  this  place.  At 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  115 

one  time  it  was  represented  to  me,  that  when  we  were  on  th« 
watery  element,  the  prince  of  the  power  of  the  air  would  exert 
all  his  efforts  against  us.  As  the  thought  presented,  in  a  mo- 
ment those  words  sprang  up  in  my  heart : — 

"  We  shall  be  safe,  for  Christ  displays 
Superior  power  and  guardian  grace." 

The  Lord  gave  me  to  see  the  whole  universe  so  under  hi» 
command,  as  I  cannot  express.  I  saw  him  as  "  holding  the 
winds  in  his  fist,"  and  "  the  waters  in  the  hollow  of  his  hand." 
And  th^sooner  all  nature  should  change,  than  one  of  God's 
promises  fail.  I  am  naturally  inexpressibly  fearful,  with  all 
sorts  of  fear,  beyond  what  words  can  paint ;  and  it  was  often 
represented,  if  I  went  among  strangers,  I  should,  by  that  weak- 
ness, bring  much  discouragement  on  the  feeble  ones  of  the 
flock.  But  the  instance  of  Gideon  was  brought  before  me,  and 
I  was  made  to  feel,  The  Lord  can  get  himself  glory  by  the 
weakest  worm ;  and  my  heart  answered,  O  will  Divine,  which 
I  adore  and  love  !  what  a  rest  there  is  to  be  found  in  thee  ! 

Well,  in  this  will,  with  the  prayers  and  blessing  of  many  of 
our  friends,  on  August  the  12th  we  set  off.  As  we  drove  from 
our  own  door,  and  my  dear  was  commending  us  to  the  protec- 
tion of  t*e  Lord,  that  word  rested  on  my  mind  with  power,  / 
am  thy  shield.  When  we  passed  the  Birches,  (where  a  few 
years  ago  that  remarkable  phenomenon  occurred)  Mr.  Fletcher 
pointed  out  to  me  the  roads  and  fields  which  wen-  so  lately 
covered  with  the  river.  We  could  not  but  be  much  amazed  at 
the  stupidity  of  the  human  heart.  Most  of  the  inhabitants  seem 
almost  to  have  forgotten  the  whole  transaction  !  and  we  were 
led  to  observe,  how  vain  is  the  common  objection  to  the  mira- 
cles of  our  Lord,  or  to  the  sun  standing  still  at  Joshua's  word, 
that  they  are  not  recorded  in  common  history.  Ah  no  !  That 
which  does  not  take  hold  on  the  sinful  affections,  is  soon  lost 
and  forgotten  !  While  we  were  conversing  on  the  above  sub- 
ject, we  passed  the  Eaton  Constadine,  a  little  village  rendered 
famous  by  the  birth  of  that  great  servant  of  God,  Mr.  Baxter, 
with  whose  spirit  we  joined  our  feeble  act  of  worship  before 
the  throne. 

At  night  we  were  affectionately  received  by  Mrs.  Glynne  of 
Shrewsbury,  whose  love  to  the  children  of  God  does  not  grow 
cold.  May  He  who  hath  promised  the  prophet's  rewai  t,  repay 
iier  in  time  and  eternity.  While  my  dear  was  preaching  that 
night,  on  the  danger  of  being  ashamed  of  the  Gospel,  ~iy  heart 
yearned  toward  the  people  of  that  place,  and  the  cry  of  my 
spirit  was,  "  O  that  these  people  might  live  before  thee."  The 
next  morning  we  pursued  our  journey  as  far  as  Llangollen,  in 
VV  ales  ;  but  all  the  horses  being  out,  we  were  constrained  to 
*bide  there  all  night,  Inquiring  (as  we  walked  about  the  town) 


116  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IV, 

whether  they  had  any  praying  people  among  them,  the  poor 
things  answered  us  in  the  best  manner  they  could ;  and  after 
consulting  together,  they  said,  "  Yes,  sir,  there  are  some  people 
who  pray  in  houses  at  the  other  end  of  the  town,  but  we  do 
not  know  what  they  be."  Another  said,  "This  very  night 
there  is  a  man  to  preach  in  the  chapel  belonging  to  these  pray- 
ing people."  According  to  their  direction  we  went  to  the 
place,  and  found  a  few  poor  people  gathered  in  a  building,  I 
believe  part  of  an  old  house.  The  preacher  seemed  very  ear- 
nest and  lively ;  I  say  seemed,  for  we  could  not  understand  one 
word,  except  gogoniant,  and  gwaed,  glory  and  blood ;  which, 
with  much  emphasis,  he  often  repeated.  After  we  were  return- 
ed to  our  inn,  the  few  who  could  understand  English  came  to 
us,  and  desired  my  dear  to  give  them  a  sermon  in  the  morning, 
which  he  did  on  these  words  :  "  This  is  his  commandment,  that 
we  should  believe  on  the  name  of  his  Son  Jesus  Christ,  and 
love  one  another,  as  he  hath  given  us  commandment."  It  was 
a  good  time,  and  several  were  present  who  understood  English. 
We  then  set  off  for  Conway,  and  Friday  afternoon  reached 
Holyhead.  Here,  for  some  reasons,  I  wished  to  stop  a  little, 
and  inquiring  when  a  vessel  would  sail,  we  were  informed  not 
till  next  morning.  Mr.  Fletcher  was  but  poorly.  .  A*Bwelling 
which  he  had  on  his  face  now  broke,  and  gave  him  much  incon- 
venience ;  but  on  Saturday  morning,  we  were  informed  that 
the  packet  was  going  off.  Some  of  the  people  said,  "  The  wind 
is  quite  contrary,  you  will  have  but  a  disagreeable  passage ;" 
but  believing  it  to  be  the  order  of  God,  we  embarked.  Now  I 
remembered  how  the  Lord  had  shown  mo,  "  He  measureth  the 
waters  in  the  hollow  of  his  hand."  The  wind  soon  grew  more 
favourable,  and  the  sea  so  smooth,  that  it  seemed  to  me  as  if  I 
heard  him  say,  Peace,  be  still !  Mr.  Fletcher  was  not  much 
affected  by  the  sea,  but  I  was  very  ill.  About  one  o'clock  on 
Sunday  morning,  we  cast  anchor  three  miles  from  Dublin.  We 
then  got  into  a  boat,  which  was  rather  troublesome,  as  the  tide 
kept  it  in  continual  agitation ;  but  through  the  goodness  of  the 
Lord  we  anived  safe.  After  being  hindered  for  sometime  by 
the  custom  house  otScers,  we  reached  by  five  in  the  morning 
the  hotel  on  Dublin  quay. 

We  n./vv  abide  with  our  hospitable  friends,  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Smytb  a  William-street,  and  have  seen  much  of  the  Lord's 
hand  in  uringing  us  hither.  My  dear  husband  has  been  favour- 
ed with  such  an  unction  in  preaching  the  word,  that  it  distils 

as  the  dew  on  the  mown  grass."  The  present  preachers  in 
Dublin,  brothers  Rutherford  and  Jackson,  are  truly  simple,  pious 
men,  and  respect  that  command,  "  In  honour  preferring  one 
another."  They  heartily  rejoice  in  the  message  my  dear  hus- 
band delivers  among  them.  There  are  some  spirits  in  this 
place  in  whom  we  find  a  deprne  of  the  primitive  simplicity, 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  117 

rejoicing  to  eee  a  stranger  whom  they  believe  the  Lord  has 
sent  to  be  "a  helper  of  their  joy." 

I  feel  a.  faith  riveted  in  my  heart,  that  before  it  is  long  there 
will  be  a  great  revival  of  the  work  of  God  in  Dublin.  I  feel 
much  liberty  in  meeting  the  classes.  Here  are  a  few  souls 
truly  athirst  for  full  salvation,  and  many  who  inquire  after  the 
most  excellent  way.  Our  kind  and  generous  host  and  hostess 
allow  us  all  freedom  in  their  house,  for  the  glory  of  God,  and 
the  good  of  his  people ;  and  as  their  servants  also  are  pious 
upright .person;.,  we  can  here  worship  with  them  in  calm  and 

J^^ffy,  October  30. — How  much  of  thy  goodness,  O  my 
Godrnave  I  seen  since  I  last  wrote  !  On  the  seventh  of  this 
month  we  left  Dublin,  and  embarked  in  a  Liverpool  brig,  bound 
for  Holyhead.  We  had  a  long  way  to  go  in  the  boat,  and 
about  eight  at  night  entered  the  vessel.  The  sea  was  then 
pretty  smooth ;  but  in  the  night  the  wind  grew  high,  and  the 
captain  thought  the  sea  more  swelling  than  he  had  seen  it  for 
some  years.  It  was  what  they  call  very  squally  ;  and  we  were 
extremely  sick,  far  worse  than  in  going.  Those  words,  given 
me  before  I  left  home,  were  much  on  my  mind : — '• 

j%  "  And  shall  he  not  have. 

The  life  which  he  gave, 
So  precious  a  ransom  for  ever  to  save  V 

And  also,  "  Though  I  remain  in  the  uttermost  parts  of  the 
sea,  there  shall  his  hand  guide  me,  and  his  right  hand  shall 
hold  me."  I  could  not  tell  whether  they  were  not  a  call  to 
sacrifice  our  lives  to  Him,  who  had  sacrificed  his  for  us  :  but  £ 
lay  still  before  the  Lord,  in  the  spirit  of  resignation,  saying, 
"Thy  will  be  done." 

In  going  over,  my  dear  husband's  tender  attention  was  a 
great  alleviation  to  my  suffering,  but  now  we  were  both  so  ill, 
(as  was  also  Sally,)  we  could  scarce  speak  or  look  toward  each- 
other,  but  only  wait  before  the  Lord,  that  all  his  will  might  be 
done.  Toward  morning,  the  pump  told  us  the  vessel  was  leaky, 
but  it  was  in  a  small  degree,  and  we  were  near  las-;3.  It  served 
to  remind  us  of  that  word,  "  There  is  but  a  step  between  me 
and  death  !" 

Since  our  return  I  have  closely  examined  whaf  r  have  lost 
or  got  in  these  last  three  months.  I  exceedingly  praise  the 
lx>rd  that  ever  we  went  to  Dublin,  and  that  for  variou.,  reasons. 
There  are  some  souls  there  with  whom  my  spirit  found  much 
fellowship ;  at  whose  feet  I  sat,  and,  I  trust,  learned  many  iw- 
ful  lessons.  My  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  preached  in  several  places 
besides  the  preaching  house  in  Whitefriars-street,  both  to  the 
French  and  English,  and  we  had  some  remarkable  proofs  that 


118  THE  LIFE  OF      ,^  [PART  IV. 

he  was  called  there  of  God.*  I  have  also  learned  more  of  my 
own  weakness  and  ignorance.  I  know  not  I  ever  found  a  more 
humbling  season  than  while  I  was  there.  My  continual  prayer 
was,  Ah !  Lord,  break  me  in  pieces  !  Melt  me  down  and  let 
me  flow,  and  more  fully  take  the  mould  divine  !  My  soul  is 
deeply  convinced  of  the  need  of  being  filled  with  "  all  the  fruit 
of  the  Spirit,"  or  I  shall  never  bring  glory  to  my  God.  O  that 
thou  wouldst  accomplish  all  thy  will  upon  me  ! 

Since  our  return,  my  dear  husband  has  taken  another  journey 
of  about  two  hundred  miles,  from  which  he  has  a  good  deal 
suffered.  His  face  is  not  yet  well.  But  the  unwearied  patiecro 
and  resignation  wherewith  he  goes  through  all,  is  to  me  a  con 
tinual  lesson,  which  I  wish  to  imitate. 

November  12. — And  do  we  see  the  anniversary  of  our  bless- 
ed union  yet  another  year '}  And  are  we  yet  more  happy  and 

*  Having  visited  Dublin  soon  after  the  departure  of  these  servants  of  God,  I 
can  add  my  testimony  to  the  groat  and  good  effects  which  resulted  from  tkeir 
visit,  and  their  truly  evangelical  labours.  Never  did  I  see  such  deep  impressions 
made  on  the  minds  of  that  people,  except,  perhaps,  in  the  very  short  visits  of  Mr. 
Wesley.  But  he  had  the  care  of  all  the  churches,  and  was  occupied  with  that 
care  in  every  place.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Fletcher  had  a  liberty  in  that  respect  which 
our  father  in  the  Gospel  could  not  have.  They  were  the  unencumbered  helpers 
of  tke  people's  joy ;  and  it  was  truly  the  joy  of  the  Lord.  Those  divijjK  impres- 
sions were  deep  and  abiding :  and,  as  Mrs.  Fletcher  hoped,  a  great^evival  of 
pure  religion  followed  in  that  society.  It  had  usually  consisted  of  about  500  per- 
sons, but  it  soon  increased  to  upwards  of  1,000,  and  has  never  since  fallen  below 
that  number.  Such  longing  after  entire  conformity  to  the  Son  of  God,  I  never 
lioheld !  It  seemed  to  be  the  general  sentiment  of  all,  from  the  highest  to  the 
lowest  of  the  people.  How  wide  this  sacred  influence  might  have  extended,  wlno 
can  tell,  if  a  poor  sectarian  spirit  had  not  limited  the  labours  of  the  man  of  God. 
On  their  arrival  at  Dublin,  their  host,  Mr.  Smyth,  a  distinguished  and  most, 
respect dble  gentleman,  applied  to  the  rector  of  St.  Andrew's  parish  (in  which  he 
lived,)  for  Mr.  Fletcher  to  preach  in  his  church,  and  as  he  was  a  beneficed  minis- 
tor,  it  was  immediately  granted.  The  church  (commonly  called  the  Round 
Church]  was  crowded  to  excess.  Mr.  Fletcher's  text  was,  Almost  ll/ou  persuad- 
cat  me  to  be  a  Christian,  Acts  xxvi,  28.  He  showed  what  it  was  to  be  a  Chris- 
tian, from  the  liturgy  which  had  just  been  read ;  beginning  with  the  general  con- 
cession, and  the  authoritative  declaration  of  pardon  to  those  'who  truly  repent, 
nnd  unfeignedly  believe  his  holy  Gospel ;" — and  going  on  to  that  "  cleansing  of 
oar  hearts  by  the  inspiration  of  his  Holy  Spirit,  that  we  may  perfectly  love  him, 
and  worthily  magnify  his  holy  name,  through  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord."  He  then 
proceeded  to  persuade  them,  with  an  earnestness  and  power  that  astonished  the 
congregc\tion,  some  of  whom  seemed  to  doubt  if  he  were  not  more  than  human 
But,  alas !  It  was  soon  known  that  Mr.  Fletcher  preached  that  same  evening  at 
the  Methodist  preaching  house !  The  pulpits  of  the  churches  wore  immediately 
sJbrut  against  aim,  with  the  exception  of  the  French  church.  The  first  time  he 
preached  there ,  his  text  was,  Call  to  remembrance  the  former  days,  in  which, 
after  ye  were  illuminated,  ye  endured  a  great  Jight  of  afflictions,  Hebrews 
x,  32.  He  thus  brought  before  them  the  faith  of  their  ancesjfe,  and  the  pcrsecr. 
tions  that  had  driven  them  from  their  native  land, — and  strongly  enforced  the 
inquiry,  Do  ye  now  believe  1  When  some  of  the  people  were  asked,  "  Why  did 
you  go  to  the  French  church  to  hear  Mr.  Fletcher,  when  you  could  not  under 
stand  one  word  he  said  1"  They  answered.  "  We  went  to  look  at  him,  for  heav«i> 
jwemedto  team  from  hu  countenance !"— En. 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  119 

more  tender  toward  each  other?  Yes,  glory  be  to  God!  we 
are  ;  and  what  is  better,  I  can  truly  say,  our  souls  get  nearer 
to  God.  We  are  more  spiritual,  and  live  more  for  eternity. 
What  have  we  passed  through  together  since  this  day  twelve- 
month !  What  a  tender  kind  friend  hath  he  proved  himself  to 
me  in  every  circumstance  of  each  situation !  And  now  Provi- 
dence hath  so  graciously  brought  us  again  to  our  own  country, 
and  quiet  habitation.  O  that  we  may  live  to  him  more  than 
ever. 

Yesterday  I  was  much  blessed  in  offering  up  my  whole  self, 
with  all  my  concerns,  into  the  hand  of  God,  believing  he  would 
appoint  me  all  my  work,  and  all  my  crosses.  He  showed  me 
he  would  make  his  will  known  to  me  through  that  of  my  dear 
husband,  and  that  I  was  to  accept  his  directions  as  from  God, 
and  obey  him  as  the  church  does  Christ.  That  I  must  give 
myself  to  his  guidance  as  a  child,  and  wherever  we  were  called, 
or  however  employed  in  the  work  of  God,  I  should  always  find 
protection,  and  glorify  God,  while  I  renounced  all  choice  by 
doing  the  will  of  another  rather  than  my  own.  This  indeed  I 
have  always  seen ;  but  it  was  now  more  deeply  impressed  on 
my  heart,  as  I  was  assured  there  was  no  danger  in  doing  so, 
having  his  guidance.  I  saw  how  often  through  that  unaccount- 
able fear  which  presses  down  my  spirit,  I  have  been  afraid  to 
follow  in  the  ways  he  hath  pointed  out,  and  so  have  hindered 
the  order  of  God.  Lord,  from  this  day  I  covenant  afresh  to  be 
in  this  particular  at  thy  own  disposal ! 

February  3, 1784. — This  day  my  convictions  have  been  great- 
ly deepened  concerning  the  sin  ofunwatchfulness  in  the  use  of 
my  tongue.  We  must  be  willing  to  be  dumb,  and  not  open  our 
mouth,  when  God's  order  calls  us  to  it;  and  to  "be  fools  in  the 
eyes  of  man,  that  we  may  receive  the  true  wisdom. 

September  12. — This  day  I  am  forty-five  years  old.  Lord, 
what  hath  my  setting  sun  to  shine  on  1  Must  I  say,  A  lost  life  ! 
Oh  !  how  much  of  it  hath  been  so  !  What  might  I  have  been  ! 
What  might  I  have  done  for  thee,  O  God  !  Yet  this  day  I  have 
had  such  a  sense  of  the  goodness  of  God  toward  me  as  I  can- 
not express.  I  am  filled  with  favours !  I  have  the  best  of 
husbands,  who  daily  grows  more  and  more  spiritual,  and  I  think 
more  healthful,  being  far  better  than  when  we  first  married. 
My  call  is  also  so  clear,  and  1  have  such  liberty  in  the  wor£, 
and  such  sweet  encouragement  anu>ng  the  people.  My  servant 
too  is  much  improved,  and  as  faithful  as  if  she  T"as  my  own 
child.  An  income  quite  comfortable,  and  a  good  deal  to  help 
the  poor  witM^  O  what  shall  I  render  to  the  Lord  for  all  the 
mercies  he  hath  shown  unto  me ! 

October. — As  I  was  retired  this  morning  at  my  ten  o'clock 
hour,  I  was  called  down  to  Mary  G— — .  I  asked  her  if  she 
fitill  retained  her  spiritual  liberty.  I  found  by  her  answers  thai 


120  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  iv. 

she  did,  which  caused  me  to  praise  the  Lord.  She  gave  me  a 
strange  account,  which  I  shall  insert  as  she  related  it.  A  short 
time  ago,  she  said,  she  was  one  day  going  out  to  work  in  the 
fields,  but  thought  she  would  first  go  up  stairs  to  prayer.  While 
on  her  kneee,  praising  God  for  the  care  he  had  taken  of  her 
children,  she  was  amazed  to  see  her  eldest  son,  about  twenty- 
one  years  old,  standing  before  her !  She  started  up,  but  thought, 
May  be  it  is  the  enemy  to  affright  me  from  prayer.  Casting 
her  eyes  again  to  the  same  spot,  she  still  saw  him  there,  on 
which  she  ran  down  into  the  kitchen,  calling  on  the  name  of 
the  Lord.  Still  wherever  she  looked,  she  saw  him  standing 
before  her,  pale,  and  as  if  covered  with  dirt !  Concluding  from 
this  that  he  was  killed,  she  ran  to  her  mother,  who,  on  hearing 
the  account,  went  directly  to  the  pit,  determined  to  have  him 
home,  if  alive.  On  her  drawing  near  the  pit  she  heard  a  great 
tumult,  for  the  earth  had  fallen  in  on  him  and  two  other  men, 
and  the  people  were  striving  to  dig  them  out.  At  length  he 
was  got  up  alive  and  well,  and  came  home  to  his  mother,  pale 
and  dirty,  just  as  she  had  seen  him !  She  then  fell  on  her 
knees,  and  began  praising  that  God  who  hears  and  answers- 
prayer  !  Many  of  the  ungodly  neighbours  having  been  witness 
to  the  whole  transaction,  are  much  affected,  and  I  trust  this 
very  strange  occurrence  will  work  for  good.* 

October. — Yesterday  I  was  very  much  taken  up  in  house 
affairs.  Various  things  occurred  which  would  at  sometimes 
have  been  a  burden ;  but  every  thing  seemed  blessed.  These 
words  were  all  day  the  language  of  my  heart : — 

"  With  thcc  delighted  I  forget 

All  time,  and  toil,  and  care ;      . 
Labour  is  rest,  and  toil  is  sweet, 
If  thou,  my  God,  be  there." 

It  wae  a  day  of  prayer  and  sweet  recollection.  This  day  also 
i  have  found  much  of  the  presence  of  God.  O  for  a  power  of 
self-denial  in  all  things  to  do  his  will ! 

November  12. — We  have  been  married  three  years  this  day. 
A  good  day  it  has  been  to  me !  My  spirit  has  been  much  drawn 
out  in  prayer  for  a  farther  lift  of  faith,  without  which  I  am  sen- 
sible I  cannot  obtain  the  fulfilment  of  that  promise,  "  Her  cloth- 
ing shall  be  of  wrought  gold !"  As  I  was  this  day  reflecting  on 
the  wonderful  goodness  of  God  in  my  providential  union  with 
my  dear  husband,  (so  far,  so  very  far,  beyond  my  warmest 
wishes,)  my  heart  was  enlarged  with  desire  to  render  to  my 
God  a  suitable  return  for  ill  his  mercies !  I  cried  from  the 
bottom  of  my  soul  to  the  Father,  that  he  would  draw  rne 
to  the  Son  !  I  called  on  Christ  as  my  living  head !  It  was  a 

*  Was  not  this  extraordinary  dispensation  permitted  for  the  good  of  these 
ignorant  ungodly  person*,  who  were  not  likely  to  be  moved  by  more  rations 
means  ? — ED 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  121 

peculiar  season.  These  words  have  ever  since  abode  on  my 
mind : — 

"  See  him  to  tby  help  come  down, 
The  excellence  divin.." 

November  16. — A  thought  struck  my  mind  to-night,  as  I  was 
looking  over  some  part  of  my  diary, — That  there  is  not  praise 
enough  for  spiritual  blessings.  I  express  my  wants,  but  I  ought 
to  praise  the  Lord  without  ceasing,  that  he  gives  me  such  an 
open  door  to  pour  out  my  wants  into  his  bosom ;  and  the  an- 
swers to  prayer  I  have  of  late  found,  have  been  so  quick,  so 
certain,  and  so  wonderful,  I  am  amazed  ! 

In  July  last,  we  believed  the  Lord  called  us  to  Yorkshire  for 
a  few  weeks,*  and  many  answers  to  prayer  did  we  meet  with 
;n  that  journey.  Soon  after  our  return,  my  dear  husband  was 
called  to  take  another  journey.  I  knew  he  would  meet  with 
much  fatigue  therein ;  and  every  journey  hurts  him  much ;  but 
I  was  amazed  at  the  calm  resignation  I  felt ;  the  language  of 
my  heart  was,  +** 

"  Happy  to  meef,  yet  free  to  part, 
Through  thee  for  ever  one  in  heart." 

This  autumn  I  have  been  a  good  deal  among  thef' people,  and 
have  found  great  liberty  both  in  public  and  private  meetings. 
Two  dear  souls  have  been  lately  brought  in  ;  and  though  per- 
secution burns  hot  against  them,  they  are  yet  firm,  and  rejoice 
that  they  "  are  counted  worthy  to  suffer  for  the  cause  of  Goo." 
Lord,  keep  them,  and  make  them  firm  as  the  beaten  anvil  to 
the  stroke ! 

Lord's  day. — My  dear  husband  was  very  poorly,  and  had 
much  appearance  of  a  fever.  In  the  morning  meeting  I  told 
the  dear  women  we  must  hold  him  up  by  prayer ;  and  indeed  I 
felt  our  prayers  had  free  access  to  the  Lord.  It  would  have 
wanned  a  heart  of  stone  to  have  heard  Mary  Matthews  give 
her  simple,  yet  solid  and  wise  declaration  of  the  goodness  of 
God.  She  had  been  a  long  time  creeping  hither  with  her  sore 
leg ;  but  she  seemed  scarce  to  know  which  to  praise  God  most 
for,  the  strength  he  had  given  her  to  do  so,  or  the  pain  she  had 
felt  all  the  night  before !  "  For,"  said  she,  "  if  I  bad  not  had 
pain,  I  should  have  slept.  But  instead  of  that,  1  had  such  a 
divine  visit  from  my  Lord,  and  such  sweet  intercourse  with 
him,  I  would  not  have  been  without  it  for  all  the  world.  '  This 
woman  grows  much  in  grace  ;  she  ie  to  me  a  great  conb  Jution, 
and  a  help  in  training  up  some  of  the  lambs  of  the  flock.  She 
had  been  for  some  years  in  a  mourning  state,  (though  she  still 
retained  her  faith,)  but  the  first  Sabbath  my  dear  husband  and 

*  To  attend  the  conference ;  the  last  at  which  Mr.  Fletcher  was  present.— ED. 


122  THE  LIFE  0V  [PART  IT. 

I  spoke  in  the  kitchen,  she  was  set  at  liberty  while  these  words 
were  sung : — 

"  The  year  of  jubilee  is  come ! 
Return,  ye  ransoni'd  sinners,  home !" 

January  5,  1785. — I  have  this  day  be«n  looking  over  my 
many  mercies,  and  my  heart  was  melted  into  love !  O  what  a 
prospect !  Lord,  speak  again  to  my  heart,  "  Thou  shall  walk 
with  me  in  white  !"  I  cast  my  whole  self  on  thy  mercy !  So 
much  I  feel  of  it  as  makes  me  rest  under  thy  shadow  !  Thy 
will  shall  be  my  choice !  Sometimes  I  think  I  am  so  surround- 
ed with  comforts.  I  shall  not  answer  that  character, — "  These 
are  they  which  came  out  of  great  tribulation."  But  I  abandon 
myself  to  thy  dear  will,  only  let  me  glorify  thee  to  the  utter- 
most !  Yea,  with  every  power !  It  was  a  good  time  last  night 
also  while  at  the  prayer  meeting. 

Yesterday  I  went  with  my  dear  husband  to  ,  but  being 

taken  ill,  I  was  forced  to  return  home.  This  is  often  the  case 
with  me.  I  am  oft  disappointed  in  what  appears  at  first  the 
will  of  God ;  but  at  this  time  it  was  far  otherwise.  I  felt  a 
pleasure  in  appearing  mean  and  good  for  nothing.  Yes,  I  will 
glory  in  my  infirmity,  that  the  will  of  God  may  be  done  in  me ! 
July  2. — Much  blessed  to-day  while  my  dear  husband  was 
preaching  the  sermon  to  the  club.  I  had  a  sweet  sight  how 
union  with  God  could  transform  the  soul  into  his  own  image. 

July  26. — This  summer  being  dry,  I  have  had  much  oppor- 
tunity of  going  about.     One  day  at  the  Rough  Park,  I  had  a 
peculiar  instance  of  the  goodness  of  God.    A  son  of  Belial,  a 
wicked,  rude  fellow,  bound  himself  and  another  young  man, 
whom  he  bad  drawn  in,  under  a  blasphemous  oath,  that  they 
would  be  there  by  the  time  we  began,  in  order  to  make  a  dis- 
turbance.    Accordingly  about  six  o'clock,  he  was  for  setting 
off, — when  he  was  suddenly  struck*as  with  death.     All  about 
him  really  thought  he  was  dying.     He  continued  thus  for  some 
hours.     O  how  easily  can  the  Lord  put  his  bridle  into  the  jaws 
of  those  he  would  restrain  !     I  gave  it  out  to  be  'there  again 
that  day  fortnight,  but  in  the  meantime  I  walked  to  a  distant 
place,  rather  beyond  my  strength ;  however,  we  had  a  good 
time.     On  my  return  home,  I  felt  very  weary,  and  the  thought 
passed  my  inmd,  My  soul  is  too  swift  for  my  body ;  for  it  seem- 
ed as  if  it  would  fly  to  those  places  where  there  appeared  a 
call.    My  earthly  frame,  however,  was  too  heavy  to  drag  after 
it.   That  night  1  began  to  grow  ill,  and  it  terminated  in  a  fever. 
My  limbs  swelled  a  good  deal,  and  I  was  covered  with  red 
spots ;  but  had  not  much  pain.     Now  I  had  a  fresh  instance  of 
the  tender  care  and  love  of  my  blessed  partner :  sickness  was 
made  pleasant  by  his  kind  attention.     When  the  day  came  for 
me  to  be  at  the  Rough  Park,  he  went  himself,  but  was  so  pene- 
trated with  the  thought  of  losing  me,  that  he  preached  as  it 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  123 

were  my  funeral  sermon  ;  and  the .  dear  people  joined  him  in 
his  feelings  and  prayer.  During  this  illness  many  thoughts 
passed  my  mind,  which  I  can  scarce  account  for.  For  a  good 
while  past  my  dear  husband  has  joined  with  me  in  prayer  in 
an  uncommon  manner.  We  are  led  to  offer  ourselves  to  do 
and  suffer  all  the  will  of  God.  Something  seems  to  tell  me  1 
must  have  more  of  the  bitter  cup ;  and  these  words  are  much 
with  me :  "  That  I  may  stand  in  the  evil  day,  and  having  done 

all stand."  My  prayer  is,  That  the  evil  day  may  be  before 

death, — not  at  the  last.  But,  Lord,  thy  icill — thy  whole  will 
be  done ! 

Certainly  I  have  now  scarce  any  cross.  Thou  hast  made  my 
cup  to  run  over !  Yea,  thou  hast  made  me  to  forget  all  my 
sorrows.  It  seems  as  if  I  had  never  suffered  any  thing !  There 
is  not  a  comfort  1  can  wish  for,  which  I  have  not ; — but,  Lord, 
I  want  more  grace ! 

October  25.— When  I  wrote  last,  (July  26,)  I  was  indeed 
arrived  at  the  summit  of  human  felicity  !  My  cup  did  indeed 
run  over !  I  often  said,  Lord  !  how  is  this  1  Am  I  indeed  one 
of  those  of  whom  it  is  said,  "  These  are  they  who  came  out  of 
great  tribulation  ?"  My  way  is  strowed  with  roses.  I  am  ready 
to  say,  with  Joseph,  "  The  Lord  hath  made  me  to  forget  all  my 
afflictions,  and  all  my  father's  house  !" 

But  Oh !  how  shall  I  write  it  ?  On  the  fourteenth  of  August, 
1785,  the  dreadful  moment  came  !  The  sun  of  rny  earthly  joys 
for  ever  set,  and  the  cloud  arose  which  casts  the  sable  on  all 
my  future  life  !  At  half  past  ten  that  Sabbath  night,  I  closed 
the  eyes  of  my  beloved !  What  a  change  !  The  whole  crea- 
tion wears  a  new  face  to  me.  The  posture  of  my  mind  at  this 
season,  I  will  not  trust  to  my  memory  to  describe.  I  will  leave 
it  in  the  rough  manner  I  then  set  it  down.  Perhaps  some  on« 
walking  in  the  same  dreary  path  may  find  a  little  comfort  there- 
from. To  others  it  may  be^dry  and  insipid.  "  The  heart  know- 
eth  its  own  bitterness." 

On  September  15,  1785,  I  wrote  in  my  diary  as  follows :  "  1 
am  truly  a  desolate  woman,  who  hath  no  helper  but  thee."  1 
remember  a  little  before  the  translation  of  my  dearest  love,  we 
were  drawn  out  continually  to  ask  for  a  greater  measure  of  the 
Spirit — such  a  measure  as  was  given  at  pentecost :  or  in  other 
words,  such  a  manifestation  of  the  loving  nature  of  God,  as 
should  fulfil  in  us  that  promise,  "  Ye  are  the  temples  of  the 
Holy  Ghost."  This  I  asked  and  pleaded  for,  and  that  on  any 
condition.  My  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  used  to  say,  "  That  is  right, 
Polly ;  let  us  hold  fast  there,  and  leave  all  the  rest  to  God, 
though  he  should  be  constrained  to  part  us  asunder  to  give  the 
answer." 

On  the  Tuesday  before  my  love  died,  when  those  words  were 
applied  to  my  mind,  "  Where  I  am,  there  shall  my  servants  be, 


124  THE  LIFE   OF  [PART  IV. 

that  they  may  behold  my  glory,"  I  felt  such  a  power  in  them, 
as  seemed  in  a  great  degree  to  take  away  the  bitterness  even 
of  that  dreadful  cup.  "To  behold  my  glory  !"  That  thought 
would  for  moments  swallow  up  all,  and  I  seemed  to  lose  myself 
in  the  desire  of  his  glory  being  manifested.  But  that  awful 
night !  when  I  had  hung  over  my  dear  husband  for  many  hours, 
expecting  every  breath  to  be  his  last,  and  during  which  time 
he  could  not  speak  to,  nor  take  any  notice  of  me,  a  flood  of 
unspeakable  sorrow  overspread  my  heart,  and  quite  overwhelm- 
ed my  spirit.  I  was  scarcely  in  my  senses ;  and  such  a  fear 
seized  my  soul  lest  I  should  say  or  do  any  thing  displeasing  t-> 
the  Lord,  that  I  was  torn  as  it  were  a  thousand  ways  at  once. 

My  fatigue  had  been  great :  I  was  barely  recovered  of  my 
fever,  and  this  stroke  so  tore  my  nerves,  that  it  was  an  inlet  to 
much  temptation.  In  former  parts  of  my  life,  I  have  felt  deep 
sorrow ;  but  such  were  now  my  feelings,  that  no  words  that  I 
am  able  to  think  of  can  convey  any  adequate  idea  thereof. .  The 
next  morning — Oh !  my  God  !  what  a  cup  didst  thou  put  into 
my  hand  !  Not  only  my  beloved  husband,  but  it  appeared  to 
me  my  Saviour  also,  was  torn  from  me  !  Clouds  and  darkness 
surrounded  both  soul  and  body !  The  sins  even  of  my  infancy 
came  before  me,  and  assaulted  me  as  thick  as  hail !  I  seemed 
to  have  no  love,  no  faith,  no  light ;  and  yet  I  could  not  doubt 
but  I  should  see  the  smiling  face  of  God  in  glory !  Yea,  that 
heaven  would  terminate  all  my  sufferings  !  There  did  not  seem 
cne  dart  thrown  at  my  final  salvation.  An  unshaken  belief 
that  Christ  would  bring  me  through  all,  was  my  great  support ; 
and  it  seemed  to  me,  that  I  must  have  been  annihilated  had  1 
been  moved  from  that  anchor.  No  finite  creature  could  have 
supported  it.  My  agonized  soul  seemed  t/o  sweat  blood ;  and 
I  felt  the  meaning  of  those  words,  "  TlM*«pains  of  hell  gat  hold 
upon  me  !"  What,  said  I,  is  this  u.e  SOuJ  that  but  a  few  days 
ago  delighted  in  the  thought  of  "THil  glory  !"  But  now  he 
hath  entered  into  judgment  with  me  !  My  soul  was  amazed, 
and  in  deep  anguish ;  and  literally  my  life  drew  nigh  to  the 
grave ! 

When  formerly  I  have  read  accounts  like  this,  I  have  thought, 
These  persons  have  a  strong  way  of  expressing  themselves  ; 
but,  alas !  I  solemnly  declare,  no  expression  appears  to  me 
strong  enough  for  what  I  felt.  That  word  passed  my  mind 
several  times : — 

"  Even  to  his  Father  did  he  look 
In  pain, — his  Father  him  forsook  !" 

A  host  of  foes  seemed  to  surround  me,  and  I  was  (as  it  appear- 
ed to  me)  given  into  their  hands.*  Those  words  came  oftea 

*  This -whole  account  describes  truly,  "  the  hour  and  the  power  of  darkness. 
The  blast  C|f  the  terrible  ones"  was  indeed  "  as  a  storm  against  the  wall !"  !>'* 


?ART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  125 

to  my  mind,  "  To  know  him,  and  the  power  of  his  resurrection, 
and  the  fellowship  of  his  sufferings."  Sometimes  I  remember- 
ed that  expression,  "  My  God  !  my  God !  why  hast  thou  for- 
saken me  1"  I  cast  my  mournful  eyes  toward  the  "  Man  of 
sorrows"  who  spoke  them,  but  there  seemed  no  answer,  all  was 
horror  and  darkness. 

Many  times  a  day  I  visited  my  lovely  corpse,  remembering, 
as  I  knelt  beside  him,  how  he  used  to  say,  "  Ah !  my  dear  Polly, 
must  I  ever  see  thee  laid  out  on  this  bed  !"  But,  alas  !  he  could 
no  more  speak  to  me, — no  more  express  his  tender  sympathy  ! 
Now  "  I  trod  the  wine  press  alone,"  and  truly  "  there  was  none 
with  me."  The  rest  of  the  day  I  sat  mostly  alone  in  the  next 
room,  where  my  window  presented  to  my  view  the  grave  dig- 
ging, and  the  churchyard  visited  by  numbers  to  look  at  the 
vault !  Soon  it  occurred  to  my  mind,  that  before  we  married, 
some  letters  had  passed  between  us  on  particular  subjects, 
which  he  had  often  told  me  I  had  better  burn ;  saying,  "  Thou 
puttest  it  off;  and  if  one  of  us  should  die,  it  will  almost  kill 
the  other  to  do  it  then."  Yet,  being  loath  to  part  with  them, 
I  had  neglected  to  do  it ;  but  now  being  seized  with  a  kind  of 
palsy,  and  loss  of  memory,  I  thought,  perhaps  in  another  day 
I  may  not  be  able  to  do  it,  and  then  I  shall  be  unfaithful  to  my 
dear  husband's  command.  The  third  day,  therefore,  I  carried 
them  to  the  fire.  But  Oh !  what  did  I  feel  at  the  sight !  I 
could  not  even  avoid  seeing  some  of  the  tender  expression! 
they  contained,  which  were  now  as  barbed  arrows  to  my  heart. 
Next  day  came  on  the  funeral. 

All  this  time  my  soul  was  as  in  the  lion's  den.  The  day 
after  I  heard  that  some  reports  were  abroad  concerning  my 
dear  husband's  death, — as  if  he  had  been  delirious,  and  expired 
in  great  agonies.  I  believed  I  was  called  to  write  the  truth  ; 
and  casting  myself  on'  the  Lord,  to  be  guided  by  his  hand  as  a 
mere  machine,  I  took  up  my  pen  and  wrote  to  Mr.  Wesley  the" 
following  letter.  I  wrote  it  at  one  sitting,  intending  to  copy  it 
afterward ;  but  I  had  no  more  strength  than  just  sufficed  for 
the  occasion.  I  sent  it,  therefore,  as  it  was,  to  the  press,  and 
left  it  all  to  God. 

"AUGUST  18,  1785. 

REV.  AND  VERY  DEAR  SIR  : — Though  but  yesterday  I  part*  d 
with  my  beloved  husband's  remains,  I  must  now  endeavour  to 
collect  my  wounded  mind,  as  I  would  not  have  any  of  his  words 
fall  to  the  ground,  and  give,  if  possible,  some  account  of  the 
awful,  but  to  him,  glorious  scene. 

this  "  follower  of  Christ,-''  nevertheless,  "  walked  not  in  darkness."  She,  like 
her  Master,  could  say,  "  My  God  !  My  God !"  when  her  "  soul  was  sorrowful 
even  unto  death."  Thus,  "  Heaven  its  choicest  gold  by  suffering  tried."  The 
saint  sustained  it, — but  the  woman  felt :  and  she  no  more  disguised  her  fbelingN 
•thac  our  divine  Master  did, — ED, 

n* 


126  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IV. 

"  Our  union  increased  daily,  as  did  his  health  and  strength , 
his  consumptive  complaint  appeared  quite  removed,  and  in  my 
eyes  the  bitterness  of  death  was  past.  The  work  was  sweetly 
prospering,  and  in  a  variety  of  circumstances  the  sun  of  pros- 
perity shone  around  us. 

"  For  some  time  before  this  last  illness,  his  precious  soul 
(always  alive  to  God)  was  particularly  penetrated  with  the 
nearness  of  eternity ;  there  was  scarce  an  hour  in  which  he 
was  not  calling  upon  me  to  drop  every  thought  and  every  care, 
that  we  might  attend  to  nothing  but  drinking  deeper  into  God. 
We  spent  much  time  in  wrestling  prayer  for  the  fulness  of  the 
Spirit,  and  were  led  in  a  very  peculiar  manner,  to  an  act  of 
abandonment  (as  we  called  it)  of  our  whole  selves  into  the 
hands  of  God,  to  do  or  suffer  whatever  was  pleasing  to  him. 
On  Thursday,  August  4,  he  was  taken  up  in  the  work  of  God 
from  three  in  the  afternoon,  till  nine  at  night ;  when  he  came 
home,  he  said,  '  I  have  taken  cold.'  Friday  and  Saturday  lie 
was  but  poorly,  though  he  went  out  part  of  the  day,  but  seem- 
ed uncommonly  drawn  out  in  prayer.  On  Saturday  night  his 
fever  first  appeared  very  strong.  I  begged  him  not  to  go  to  the 
church  in  the  morning,  but  let  a  pious  brother  who  was  here 
preach  in  the  yard ;  but  he  told  rne  he  believed  it  was  the  will 
of  the  Lord,  and  that  he  was  assured  it  was  right  he  should  go ; 
in  which  case  I  never  dared  to  dissuade  him.  As  I  was  in  the 
morning  with  a  little  company  of  our  pious  women,  I  begged 
they  would  pray  that  he  might  be  strengthened,  and  that  I  might 
have  a  grain  of  that  faith  whieh  supported  the  faithful  when 
their  friends  were  martyred.  In  reading  the  prayers  he  almost 
fainted  away.  I  got  through  the  crowd  with  a  friend,  and 
entreated  him  to  come  out  of  the  desk,  as  did  some  others ;  but 
he  let  us  know  in  his  sweet  manner,  that  we  were  not  to  inter- 
rupt the  order  of  God.  I  then  retired  to  my  pew,  where  all 
around  me  were  in  tears.  When  he  was  a  little  refreshed  by 
the  windows  being  opened,  and  a  nosegay  thrown  into  the  desk 
by  a  friend,  he  went  on  ;  and  afterward  going  up  into  the  pul- 
pit, preached  with  a  strength  and  recollection  that  surprised 
us  all. 

"  IP  his  first  prayer  he  said,  '  Lord,  thou  wilt  manifest  thy 
strength  in  weakness  ;  we  confer  not  with  flesh  and  blood,  but 
put  our  trust  under  the  shadow  of  thy  wings.' 

"  His  text  was  from  Psalm  xxxvi,  '  Thou,  Lord,  shalt  save 
both  man  and  beast ;  how  excellent  is^thy  mercy,  O  God ;  and 
the  children  of  men  shall  put  their  trust  under  the  shadow  of 
thy  wings.' 

"After  he  had  pointed  out  the  Saviour  of  mankind,  and 
observed,  how  some  by  sin  had  made  themselves  beasts,  he 
Showed  that  the  promise,  even  in  that  sense,  might  be  applied 
to  the  sinner,  as  well  as  to  the  beasts  of  the  earth.:  and  in 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER. 

speaking  to  these,  with  his  usual  earnestness,  he  pressed, 
invited,  and  entreated  them  to  return  unto  God,  enforcing 
those  words  of  our  Lord  when  he  came  near  to  Jerusalem,  and 
wept  over  it :  'If  thou  hadst  known,  even  thou,  at  least  in  this 
thy  day,  the  things  which  belong  to  thy  peace  !  but  now  they 
are  hid  from  thine  eyes.'  These  words  peculiarly  pierced  the 
hearts  of  many,  as  they  have  since  told  me.  He  continued  to 
observe,  in  nearly  the  following  words,  '  That  the  wings  of  the 
Lord  are  compared  to  those  of  an  eagle  for  strength  and  pro- 
tection,' Exodus  xix.  '  I  bare  you  on  eagles'  wings,  and  brought 
you  unto  myself.'  And  to  those  of  a  hen  for  love  and  care, 
'  Like  as  a  hen  gathereth  her  chickens  under  her  wings.'  In 
the  Jewish  tabernacle,  where  was  the  holy  of  holies,  two  che- 
rubim were  placed,  whose  extended  wings  joining  together 
overshadowed  the  mercy  seat.  When  Christ  died  upon  the 
cross,  his  arms  were  stretched  out,  and  these  were  as  wings  of 
love  which  he  opened,  and  still  holds  wide  open,  to  receive  all 
that  come  unto  him ;  let  us  then,  when  we  see  his  love  and 
power  thus  united  to  save  and  bless  us,  enter  boldly  into  the 
holy  of  holies  through, the  door  of  Divine  mercy.  A  friend 
threw  me  some  flowers  to  revive  me  when  I  was  faint,  but  the 
mercy  of  the  Lord  is  far  more  reviving ;  it  is  this  I  would  hold 
out  to  you,  and  drop  it  into  your  very  bosoms  ;  may  it  sink  deep 
there,  that  you  may  '  taste  and  see  how  good  the  Lord  is,'  and 
confess  that  his  saving  mercy  is  above  the  richest  perfume,  for 
'  he  saves  both  man  and  beast !' 

"  After  sermon  he  went  up  the  aisle  to  the  communion  table, 
with  these  words  :  '  I  am  going  to  throw  myself  under  the  wings 
of  the  cherubim  before  the  mercy  seat.' 

"  The  congregation  was  large,  and  the  service  held  till  near 
two.  Sometimes  he  could  scarcely  stand,  and  was  often  obliged 
to  stop  for  want  of  power  to  speak.  The  people  were  deeply 
affected.  Weeping  was  on  every  side.  Gracious  Lord  !  how 
was  it  my  soul  was  kept  so  calm  in  the  midst  of  the  most  ten- 
der feelings'!  Notwithstanding  his  extreme  weakness,  he  gave 
out  several  verses  of  hymns,  and  various  lively  sentences  of 
exhortation.  As  soon  as  the  service  was  over,  we  hurried  him 
away  to  his  bed,  where  lie  immediately  fainted  away.  He  after- 
ward dropped  into  a  sleep  for  some  time,  and  upon  waking,, 
cried  out,  with  a  pleasant  smile,  '  Now,  my  dear,  thou  seest  I 
am  no  worse  for  doing  the  Lord's  work  :  he  never  fails  mo 
when  I  trust  in  him.'  After  he  had  got  a  little  dinner  he  dozed 
most  of  the  evening ;  now  and  then  waking  (as  was  usual  witli 
him)  full  of  the  praises  of  God.  That  night  his  fever  returned, 
but  not  so  bad  as  on  Saturday  ;  nevertheless  from  Sunday  hie 
strength  decreased  amazingly.  On  Monday  and  Tuesday  we 
had  a  little  paradise  together ;  he  lay  on  a  couch  in  the  study, 
and  was  at  times  very  restless,  as  to  change  of  posture,  but 


128  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IV, 

sweetly  pleasant,  and  often  slept  for  a  good  while.  When 
awake,  he  delighted  much  in  hearing  me  read  hymns  and  tracte 
on  faith  and  love.  His  words  were  all  animating,  and  his 
patience  beyond  what  I  can  express.  When  he  had  any  bitter 
or  nauseous  medicine  to  take,  he  seemed  to  enjoy  the  cross, 
reminding  me  of  a  word  he  rsed  ---fieri  to  repeat, — that  our 
business  was  to  seek  a  perfect  conformity  to  the  will  of  God, 
and  then  leave  him  to  give  us  what  comfort  he  saw  good.  1 
asked  him,  if  he  should  be  taken  from  me,  whether  he  had  any 
particular  directions  or  orders  to  give  me,  since  I  desired  to 
form  my  whole  life  thereby.  He  replied,  '  No,  not  by  mine, 
the  Holy  Ghost  shall  direct  thee ;  I  have  nothing  particular  to 
say,  only  that  the  Lord  will  open  all  before  thee ;  and  let  not 
any  one  bring  thee  into  bondage.  If  I  stay  with  thee,  I  will 
keep  thee  from  oppression  ;  but  if  I  should  be  taken  from  thee, 
beware.'  I  said,  Hast  thou  any  conviction  the  Lord  is  about  to 
take  thee  1  He  answered,  '  No,  not  in  particular ;  only  I  always 
see  death  so  inexpressibly  near,  that  we  both  seem  to  stand  as 
on  the  verge  of  eternity.'  While  he  slept  a  little,  I  laid  my 
trial  before  the  Lord,  entreating  him,  if  it  was  his  good  plea- 
sure, to  spare  my  beloved  husband  a  little  longer;  but  my 
prayer  seemed  to  have  no  wings.  It  was  held  down,  and  I 
could  not  help  mingling  continually  therewith,  Lord,  give  me 
perfect  resignation  !  This  uncertainty  in  my  own  mind  made 
me  rather  tremble,  lest  the  Lord  was  going  to  take  the  bitter 
cup  out  of  my  dear's  hand,  and  give  it  unto  me.  The  cup  of 
separation  he  had  for  some  weeks  before  very  deeply  drank  of, 
when  I  myself  was  ill  of  the  fever.  At  that  time  he  often  pass- 
ed through  the  whole  parting  scene,  and  struggled  for  the  for- 
titude of  perfect  resignation.  Sometimes  he  would  say  at  that 
season,  '  O  Polly  !  shall  I  ever  see  the  day  when  thou  must  be 
carried  out  to  be  buried  1  How  will  the  little  things  which  thou 
wast  accustomed  to  use,  and  all  those  which  thy  tender  care 
has  prepared  for  me  in  every  part  of  the  house,  how  will  they 
wound  and  distress  me  !  How  is  it !  I  think  I  feel  jealousy — 
I  am  jealous  of  the  worms  !  I  seem  to  shrink  at  giving  my  dear 
Polly  to  the  worms  !' 

"  Now  all  these  reflections  returned  with  a  millstone's  weight 
on  my  heart.  I  cried  to  the  Lord,  and  those  words  were  deeply 
impressed  on  my  spirit :  '  Where  I  am,  there  shall  my  servants 
be,  that  they  may  behold  my  glory.'  This  promise  was  full  of 
matter  as  well  as  unction  to  my  soul.  It  explained  itself  thue  : 
That  in  Christ's  immediate  presence  was  our  home,  and  that 
we  should  find  our  reunion  in  being  deeply  centred  in  him,  I 
received  it  as  a  fresh  marriage  for  eternity.  As  such  I  stili 
take,  and  trust  for  ever  to  hold  it.  All  that  day,  whenever  1 
thought  of  this  expression,  'to  behold  my  glory,'  it  seemed  to 


PART  IV.J  MRS.   FLETCHER.  129 

wipe  every  tear  away,  and  was  as  the  ring  by  which  we  were 
joined  anew. 

"  Awaking  some  time  after,  he  said,  '  Polly,  I  will  tell  you 
what  I  have  been  thinking  of; — it  was  Israel's  fault  that  they 
asked  for  signs ;  we  will  not  do  so ;  but  abandoning  our  whole 
selves  into  the  hands  of  God,  wesWill  there  lie  patiently  before 
him,  assured  that  he  will  d>-  all  things 'well.' 

" '  My  dear  love,'  said  1,  •  if  e^fer  I  have  done  or  said  any 
thing  to  grieve  thee,  how  will  the  remembrance  wound  my 
heart,  shouldst  thou  be  taken  from  me  !' 

"  He  entreated  and  charged  me,  with  inexpressible  tender- 
ness, not  to  allow  the  thought ;  declaring  his  thankfulness  for 
our  union,  in  a  variety  of  words,  which  remain  written  on  my 
heart,  as  with  the  adamantine  pen  of  friendship  deeply  dipped 
in  blood. 

"  On  Wednesday,  after  groaning  all  day  as  it  were  under  the 
weight  of  the  power  of  <jpd,  he  told  me,  he  had  received  such 
a  manifestation  of  the  fu«neaning  of  that  word,  '  God  is  love,' 
aa  he  could  never  be  ablero  tell.  It  fills  me,  said  he ;  it  fills 
me  every  moment.  O  Polly !  my  dear  Polly !  God  is  love ! 
shout,  shout  aloud  !  Oh  !  it  so  fills  me,  I  want  a  gust  of  praise 
to  go  to  the  ends  of  the  earth.  But  it  seems  as  if  I  could  not 
speak  much  longer ;  let  us  fix  on  a  sign  between  ourselves, 
(tapping  me  twice  with  his  dear  finger,)  now  I  mean  '  God  is 
love,  and  we  will  draw  each  other  into  God  :  observe  !  by  this 
we  will  draw  each  other  into  God.' 

"  Sally  coming  in,  he  cried  out,  '  O  Sally !  God  is  love !  shout 
both  of  you ; — I  want  to  hear  you  shout  his  praise.'  Indeed  it 
was  a  season  of  love.  All  this  time  the  medical  friend  who 
attended  him  with  unwearied  diligence,  hoped  he  was  in  no 
danger.  He  knew  it  to  be  the  fever ;  but  as  he  had  no  bad 
headache,  much  sleep,  without  the  least  delirium,  and  an  almost 
regular  pulse,  seldom  much  quicker  than  my  own,  he  thought 
the  symptoms  amazingly  mild ;  for  though  the  disease  was 
commissioned  to  take  his  life,  yet  it  seemed  so  restrained  by 
the  power  of  God,  that  we  truly  discerned  in  it  the  verity  of 
those  words,  Death  is  yours. 

"  On  Thursday  his  speech  began  to  fail.  While  he  was  able 
he  continued  speaking  to  all  who  came  in  his  way.  Accidentally 
hearing  that  a  stranger  was  in  the  house,  he  ordered  her  to  bo 
called  up,  though  uttering  two  sentences  almost  made  him  faint . 
To  his  friendly  doctor  he  would  not  be  silent  while  he  had  any 
power  of  speech ;  often  saying,  '  O  sir,  you  take  much  thought 
for  my  body;  give  me  lea,ve  to  take  thought  for  your  soul.' 
And  I  believe  his  words  will  remain  with  that  friend  for  ever. 
When  I  could  scarcely  understand  any  thing  he  said,  I  spoke 
these  words,  'God  is  love.'  Instantly  he  catched  them,  as  if 
jjl  his  powers  were  awakened  afresh,  and  broke  out  in  a  rap. 


130  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IT 

ture,  «  God  is  love,  love,  love !  Oh  for  that  gust  of  praise  I 
want  to  Bound  !'  Here  his  dear  voice  again  failed.  He  was 
restless,  and  often  suffered  many  ways,  but  with  such  patience, 
as  none  but  those  who  were  with  him  can  conceive.  If  I  named 
his  sufferings,  he  would  smile,  and  make  the  sign. 

"On  Friday,  finding  hisypar  body  covered  with  spots,  I  so 
far  understood  them,  asVo  feel  a  sword  pierce  through  my  soul. 
As  I  was  kneeling  by  his  B?d,  with  my  hand  in  his,  entreating 
the  Lord  to  be  with  us,  in  thi^  tremendous  hour,  he  strove  tu 
say  many  tilings,  but  could  not.  Pressing  my  hand,  and  ofter 
repeating  the  sign,  at  last  he  breathed  out,  '  Head  of  the  church, 
be  head  to  my  wife.'  When  for  a  few  moments  I  was  forced  to 
leave  him,  to  gather  up  some  sheets  of  one  of  his  manuscripts, 
which  I  feared  would  be  lost,  Sally^aid  to  him,  '  My  dear  master, 
do  you  know  me  ?'  He  replied,  ^Sally,  God  will  put  his  right 
hand  under  you.'  She  added,  '  O  my  dear  master,  should  you 
be  taken  away,  what  a  disconsolate^reature  will  my  poor  dear 
mistress  be  !'  He  replied,  'God  w«|e  her  all  in  ail.'  He  had 
always  delighted  much  in  these  woTO  : — 

'  Jesus'  blood  through  earth  and  skies, 
Mercy,  free,  boundless  mercy  cries  !' 

And  whenever  I  repeated  them  to  him,  he  would  answer, 
boundless,  boundless,  boundless !  and  in  allusion  to  them,  he 
now  replied,  though  with  great  difficulty, 

'  Mercy's  full  power  I  soon  shall  prove, 
Loved  with  an  everlasting  love.' 

"  On  Saturday  afternoon  his  fever  seemed  quite  off,  and  a 
few  Christian  friends  standing  near  the  bed,  he  reached  his 
hand  to  each  of  them,  and  looking  on  a  minister,  who  was 
weeping  by  him,  he  said,  '  Are  you  ready  to  assist  to-morrow  V 
Which  recollection  of  his  amazed  us  much,  as  the  day  of  thr 
week  had  not  been  named  in  his  room.  Most  about  him  could 
not  but  believe  he  was  better,  and  would  get  over  it.  One  eaid, 
'  Do  you  think  that  the  Lord  will  raise  you  up  ?'  He  strove  to 
answer,  saying,  '  Raise  in  resur ,  raise  in  reeur ,'  mean- 
ing in  the  resurrection.  To  another  who  asked  the  same 
question,  he  said,  '  I  leave  it  all  to  God.' 

"  In  the  evening  his  fever  returned  with  violence,  and  the 
mucus  falling  on  the  windpipe,  occasioned  him  to  be  almost 
strangled.  He  suffered  greatly ;  and  it  was  feared  the  same 
painful  emotion  would  continue  and  grow  more  violent  to  the 
last.  This  I  felt  most  exquisitely,  and  cried  to  the  Lord  to 
remove  it ;  and,  glory  be  to  his  nanje,  he  did  remove  it ;  and  i: 
returned  no  more  in  that  way.  As  night  drew  on,  I  thought  1 
perceived  him  dying  very  fast ;  his  fingers  could  no\y  hardly 
move  to  make  the  sign,  (which  he  seemed  scarce  eve£_to  for- 
get,) and  his  speech,  as  it  seemed,  was  quite  gone.  *  I  said. 


PART  IV.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  131 

'My  dear  creature,  I  ask  not  for  myself;  /  know  thy  soul; 
but  for  the  sake  of  others ;  if  Jesus  is  very  present  with  thee, 
lift  thy  right  hand.'  He  did  so.  I  added,  '  If  the  prospect  of 
glory  sweetly  opens  before  thee,  repeat  the  sign.'  He  then 
raised  it  again, — and  in  half  a  minute  a  second  time ;  then 
threw  it  up  with  all  his  remaining  strength,  as  if  he  would  reach 
the  top  of  the  bed  !  After  tks  his  dear  hands  moved  no  more  ; 
but  on  my  saying,  'Art  thou  in  much  pain1?'  he  answered, 
'  No.'  From  this  time  he  entered  into  a  state  that  might  be 
called  a  kind  of  sleep,  though  with  eyes  open  and  fixed,  and 
his  hands  utterly  void  of  any  motion.  For  the  most  part  he 
sat  upright  against  pillows,  with  his  head  a  little  inclined  to 
one  side,  and  so  remarkablyjcomposed  and  triumphant  was  his 
countenance,  that  the  least  trace  of  death  was  scarcely  dis- 
cernible in  it. 

"  Twenty-four  hours  my  dearly  beloved  was  in  this  situation, 
breathing  like  a  person  in  common  sleep.  About  thirty-five 
minutes  past  ten,  on  Sunday  night,  August  14th,  his  precious 
soul  entered  into  the  joy  of  the  Lord,  without  one  struggle  or 
groan,  in  the  fifty-sixth  year  of  his  age.  Often  he  had  said, 
when  hearing  of  happy  deaths,  « Well,  let  us  get  holy  lives,  and 
\ve  will  leave  the  rest  to  God.'  But  I,  who  was  scarce  a  minute 
at  a  time  from  him  night  or  day,  can  truly  say,  that  there  was 
the  strongest  reason  to  believe, 

'  No  cloud  did  arise,  to  darken  the  skies, 
Or  hide,  for  one  moment,  his  Lord  from  his  eyes.' 

"And  here  I  break  off  my  mournful  story!  I  could  say 
abundance  more ;  but  on  my  bleeding  heart  his  fair  picture  of 
heavenly  excellence  will  be  for  ever  drawn.  When  I  call  to 
mind  his  ardent  zeal,  his  laborious  endeavours  to  seek  and 
save  the  lost, — his  diligence  in  the  employment  of  his  time, — 
his  Christ-like  condescension  toward  me,  and  his  uninterrupted 
converse  with  Heaven,  I  may  well  be  allowed  to  add,  my  loss 
is  beyond  the  power  of  words  to  paint.  O  sir,  you  know  I  have 
trodden  deep  waters  ;  but '  all  my  afflictions  were  nothing  com- 
pared to  this.'  Well,  I  want  no  pleasant  prospect,  but  upward, — 
nor  any  thing  whereon  to  fix  my  hope,  trot  immortality. 

"  On  the  17th  his  dear  remains  were  deposited  in  Madeley 
churchyard,  amid  the  tears  and  lamentations  of  thousands,  who 
flocked  about  the  bier  of  their  dead  pastor.  Between  the  house 
and  the  church  they  sung  these  verses : — 

1  With  heavenly  weapons  he  hath  fought 

The  battles  of  the  Lord ; 
Finish'd  his  course,  and  kept  the  faith, 

And  gain'd  the  great  reward. 
God  hath  laid  up  in  heaven  for  him 

A  crown  which  cannot  fade ; 
The  righteous  Judge,  at  that  great  day. 

Shaft  place  it  on  his  head.' 


132  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IV. 

"  The  service  was  performed  by  the  Rev.  Mr.  Hatton,  rector 
r>f  Watere-upton,  whom  the  Lord  moved  in  a  pathetic  manner 
to  speak  to  his  weeping  flock  on  the  sad  occasion.  In  the 
conclusion,  at  my  request,  he  read  the  following  paper : — 

"  As  it  was  the  desire  of  my  beloved  husband  to  be  buried  in 
this  plain  manner,  so  out  of  tenderness  he  begged  that  I  might 
.not  be  present ;  and  in  all  things  I  would  obey  him. 

"  Permit  me  then  to  take  this  opportunity,  by  the  mouth  of  a 
friend,  to  bear  my  open  testimony  to  the  glory  of  God,  that  I, 
who  have  known  him  in  the  most  perfect  manner,  am  con- 
strained to  declare,  I  never  knew  any  one  walk  so  closely  in 
,  the  ways  of  God  as  he  did.  The  Lord  gave  him  a  conscience 
tender  as  the  apple  of  an  eye.  H$  literally  preferred  the  inter- 
est of  every  one  to  his  own.  He  was  rigidly  just,  but  perfectly 
'loose  from  all  attachment  to  the  world.  He  shared  his  all  with 
the  poor,  who  lay  so  close  to  his  heart,  that  on  the  approach  of 
death,  though  his  speech  was  so  gone  that  he  could  utter  nothing 
without  difficulty,  he  cried  out,  Oh  my  poor!  what  will  become 
of  my  poor !  I  am  dead  to  my  poor !  He  was  blessed  with  so 
great  a  degree  of  humility  as  is  scarcely  to  be  found.  I  am 
witness  how  often  he  has  taken  a  real  pleasure  in  being  treated 
with  contempt ;  indeed  it  seemed  the  very  food  of  his  soul 
to  be  little  and  unknown.  When  he  said  to  me,  '  Thou  wilt 
write  a  line  or  two  to  my  brother  in  Switzerland,  if  I  die,' — I 
replied,  '  My  dear  love,  I  will  write  him  all  the  Lord's  dealings 
with  thee.'  '  No,  no,'  said  he,  'write  nothing  about  me.  I  desire 
to  be  forgotten ; — God  is  all  .'•' 

"  His  zeal  for  souls  I  need  not  tell  you :  let  the  labour  of 
twenty-five  years,  and  a  martyr's  death  in  the  conclusion, 
imprint  it  on  your  hearts.  His  diligent  visitation  of  the  sick, 
laid,  to  appearance,  the  foundation  of  the  spotted  fever,  which, 
by  God's  commission,  tore  him  from  you  and  me ;  ami  his  vehe- 
ment desire  to  take  his  last  leave  of  you,  with  dying  lips  and 
Hands,  gave  (it  is  supposed)  the  finishing  stroke,  by  preparing 
his  blood  for  putrefaction.  Thus  hath  he  lived  and  died  your 
servant.  And  will  any  of  you  refuse  to  meet  him  at  God's 
right  hand  in  that  day  ? 

"  He  walked  with  death  always  in  sight ;  and  about  two 
months  ago  he  came  to  me  one  day,  and  said,  '  My  dear  love, 
I  kno\y  not  how  it  is,  but  I  have  a  strange  impression  death  is 
very  near  us,  as  if  it  be  some  sudden  stroke  upon  one  of  us ; 
and  it  draws  out  ah  my  soul  in  prayer  that  we  may  be  ready.'  He 
then  broke  out,  Lord,  prepare  the  soul  thou  wilt  call ;  and  Oh 
stand  by  the  poor  Itsconsolate  one  who  shall  be  left  behind. 

"  A  few  days  before  his  departure,  he  was  filled  witit  love  in 
an  uncommon  manner,  saying  to  me,  '  I  have  had  sucfr  a  dis- 
covery of  the  depth  of  that  word,  God  is  love,  as  I  can, 
thee  half,  but  it  fills  me.  it  Jills  me.    O  Polly  !  my  dear  Polly  ! 
.^ 


PART  IV.]  MBS.   FLETCHER.  133 

God  is  love !  shout  his  praise  !  I  want  a  gust  of  praise  to 
reach  to  the  ends  of  the  earth.'  And  the  same  he  testified  as 
Jong  as  he  had  voice,  and  continued  to  testify  to  the  end,  by  a 
most  lamb-like  patience,  in  which  he  victoriously  smiled  at 
death,  and  set  his  last  seal  to  the  glorious  truths  he  had  so  long 
preached  among  you. 

"  Three  years,  nine  months,  and  two  days,  I  have  possessed 
my  heavenly  minded  husband ;  but  now,  the  sun  of  my  earthly 
joy  is  set  for  ever,  and  my  soul  filled  with  an  anguish,  which 
unly  finds  its  consolation  in  a  total  abandonment  and  resigna- 
tion to  the  will  of  God :  an  exercise  to  which  my  dear  husband 
and  I  had  of  late  been  particularly  drawn.  When  I  was  asking 
the  Lord  if  he  pleased  to  spare  him  to  me  a  little  longer,  the 
following  answer  was  impressed  on  my  mind  with  great  power, 
and  in  the  accomplishment  of  this  word  of  promise  I  look  for 
our  reunion,  '  Where  I  am  there  shall  my  servants  be,  that 
they  may  behold  my  glory !'  Lord,  hasten  the  hour ! 
"  I  am,  Rev.  and  dear  sir,  &c, 

"  MARY  FLETCHER." 

«'  The  Rev.  Mr.  Wesley." 

My  anguish  was  extreme.  All  outward  support  seemed  to 
be  withdrawn ;  appetite  and  sleep  quite  failed  me ;  and  even 
the  air,  I  often  thought,  had  entirely  lost  all  its  vivifying  powers. 
As  I  never  before  had  any  conception  of  the  bitter  anguish 
which  the  Lord  saw  good  to  visit  me  with  at  this  season  ;  so  I 
can  give  no  just  description  of  it.  "  Known  unto  God  are  all 
his  ways  ;"  and  I  was  assured,  even  in  the  midst  of  my  trou- 
ble, that  all  he  did  was  well,  and  that  there  was  a  needs  be  for 
this  heavy  trial.  But  what  bound  all  my  other  trials  upon  me, 
was,  I  felt  continually  the  keenest  accusations  from  -§Jatan, 
constraining  me  by  every  possible  suggestion  to  look  at  my 
extreme  sensibility  in  suffering,  as  being  deeply  sinful !  What, 
thought  I,  has  made  this  change  !  If  Jesus  was  rny  all,  should 
I  not  feel  as  keenly  the  sense  of  his  having  suffered  for  me,  as 
I  do  in  the  thought  of  my  dear  husband's  kindness,  and  in  the 
dreadful  feeling  of  my  separation  from  him  1  And  because  I 
could  feel  but  very  faint  touches  of  •  sensible  communion  with 
God,  I  was  torn  as  it  were  in  pieces.  All  my  religion  seemed 
shrunk  into  one  point ;  viz.  a  constant  cry,  Thy  will  be  done  .'* 
/  will,  yes,  /  will  glorify  thee,  even  in  this  fire  ! 

Yet  it  seemed  to  me  I  did  not  glorify  him  •  and  so  afraid  was 
[  of  turning  to  any  human  comfort,  or  stopping  short  of  all  the 
Lord  would  have  me  to  do  or  be,  that  in  the  midst  of  this  ter- 
rible furnace,  I  can  say, — that  at  every  moment  my  conscience 
was  '.'  quick  as  the  apple  of  an  eye,  the  slightest  touch  of  am 

*  Tills  is  a  fruit  of  the  Spirit  that  never  fails  those  who  abide  in  the  faith,  even 
in  the  darkest  hour. — ED. 


134  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  IV. 

to  feel."  Yea,  my  spirit  was  all  eye  to  discern  its  most  distant 
approach.  Yet  in  every  tiling  I  seemed  to  be  accused,  and  also 
condemned ;  so  that  my  soul  was  indeed  sorrowful  even  unto 
death* 

One  morning  before  I  was  awake,  I  heard  singing  voices, 
as  just  over  my  face  :  they  answered  one  another  with  these 
words, — 

"  Weep  ye  in  Zion's  doep  distress, 
In  Zion's  sorrow  mourn." 

Then  one  voice,  which  I  well  knew  to  be  that  of  my  dearest 
love,  spake  in  distinct  words,  and  with  much  emphasis, — 

"  Fight  the  good  fight  of  faith  with  me, 
My  fellow  soldier,  fight." 

It  gave  me  some  little  comfort,  and  animated  me  to  follow  his 
bright  example. 

One  day  these  words  were  applied  with  much  power  to  my 
heart,  "  These  light  afflictions,  which  are  but  for  a  moment, 
shall  work  out  for  you  a  far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight 
of  glory."  What,  sa,d  I,  did  the  Apostle,  who  had  been  in  the 
third  heaven,  and  knew  well  what  he  said, — did  he  call  these 
afflictions  light  when  put  in  the  scale  with  that  glory  ?  It  was 
answered  in  my  heart,  Yes,  as  a  bubble !  "  compared  with  the 
glory  that  shall  be  revealed."  I  got  a  momentary  glimpse  of 
our  home  above,  in  the  celestial  city ;  and  those  words  were 
spoken  through  my  heart, — 

"  Heaven  is  thy  inheritance, 
Thou  shall  soon  remove  from  hence."    ' 

Very  many  were  these  little  in-breakings  of  light,  yea,  often  in 
a  day ; — yet  my  pain  was  unspeakable.  I  was  constantly  per- 
plexed with  that  thought,  that  a  believer  can  never  be  in  dark- 
ness ;  that  they  always  "  rejoice  with  joy  unspeakable  and  full 
of  glory ;"  that  nothing  but  sin  given  way  to,  can  damp  their 
joy.f  This  was  an  inlet  to  much  temptation  ;  and  now,  I  had 
no  one  to  tell  my  troubles  to  !  No  partner  to  bear  a  share  in 
them.  In  all  our  spiritual  conflicts  we  had  been  so  entirely 
one,  that  cares,  by  being  divided,  were  hushed  into  peace.  A 
word  from  him  would  frequently  light  up,  as  it  were,  a  candle 
in  my  soul ;  and  was  enough  to  turn  aside  the  keenest  tempta- 
tion. But  now  I  trod  the  winepress  alone,  and  felt  my  de- 
pendence had  been  too  much  on  the  creature.  I  had  clung  to 
him  as  the  ivy  to  the  oak,  and  now  seemed  to  be  nothing  !  I 
saw  myself  left  in  a  howling  wilderness  alone !  Yet  still  I 
could  jay, — 

*  In  all  this  I  bclievfi  tint  pious  and  well  informed  reader  will  be  satisfied 
that,  (as  the  Holy  Ghost  testifies  of  Job,)  "she  Binned  not,  nor  charged  Sod- 
foolishly." — ED. 

t  Ye«,  temptation  can  damp  their  joy ;  but  only  sin  can  destroy  it.  Her  joy 
was  not  destroyed ;  she  had  "  times  of  refreshing." — ED. 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  135 

"With  tbee  I  on  Zion  shall  stand. 
For  Jesus  hath  spoken  the  word." 

But  the  Lord  seemed  to  do  by  me  as  by  the  Canaanitish  wo- 
man ;  He  did  not  answer  me  ! — I  followed,  and  often  said  in 
my  heart,  (reflecting  on  all  my  unfaithfulness,)  Ah  !  "  It  is  not 
meet  to  take  the  children's  bread  and  cast  it  to  the  dogs  !"  It 
seemed  I  could  to  all  eternity  have  praised  him  for  the  least 
drop  of  comfort ;  and  yet  I  felt  the  power  of  these  words, — 

"  A  drop  will  not  suffice, 

My  soul  for  all  thy  fulness  cries." 

in  the  midst  of  this  dreadful  conflict  I  felt  some  consolation 
from  the  thought,  that  by  the  account  of  his  precious  death, 
which  surely  the  Lord  himself  prompted,  and  enabled  me  to 
write,  (as  I  had  hardly  at  the  time  either  sense  or  memory,)  I 
had  helped,  in  a  little  measure,  that  shout  of  praise  to  go  forth, 
which,  with  his  dying  lips,  he  said  he  wanted  to  reach  the  ends 
of  the  earth  !  And  though  I  have  lost  my  dear  husband,  and 
felt  the  force  of  the  "  hour  and  power  of  darkness,"  yet  through 
all,  I  believed  I  should  conquer.  So  it  is  with  me  now ;  but  I 
do  not  seem  as  yet  to  have  the  privilege  of  shouting  victory. 

As  soon  as  the  funeral  was  over,  I  found  the  dear  children 
which  my  beloved  partner  had  left  behind,  laid  upon  my  mind. 
I  saw  there  were  many  things  to  settle  among  them  respecting 
the  work  of  God ;  some  dangerous  rocks  to  avoid,  «and  some 
needful  plans  to  propose.  Therefore,  before  another  week 
passed,  I  saw  I  must  act  among  them,  and  meet  the  people  the 
same  as  before ; — and  though  very  ill,  and  filled  with  sorrow, 
the  Lord  enabled  me  to  do  so, — showing  me  the  only  way  to 
bear  the  cross  profitably,  was  so  to  carry  it  as  if  I  carried  it  not. 
About  a  fortnight  before  my  dear  husband's  last  sickness,  he 
was  one  night  at  the  Wednesday  meeting,  when  being  greatly 
affected  about  me,  as  I  was  ill  at  that  time,  he  could  hardly  get 
through  it.  He  said  to  me  afterward,  "My  dear,  I  could 
scarcely  speak  to  the  people.  I  felt,  I  knew  not  how,  as  if  thy 
empty  chair  stood  by  me  !  Something  seemed  to  say  we  should 
soon  be  parted ;  and  I  thought,  Must  I  meet  these  people,  and 
see  my  Polly's  empty  chair  always  by  me  ?"  But  now  the  cup 
was  mine.  Yea,  and  I  have  drunk  it  to  the  very  dregs  ! 

September  21,  1785. — Ah !  Lord,  my  soul  is  exceeding  sor- 
rowful !  How  lonely  doth  my  situation  appear !  Torn  from 
my  dear  companion,  and  made  to  walk  in  this  dreary  path! 
But  this  is  my  greatest  weight, — I  do  not  ffedl  that  union  with 
thee,  that  would  make  up  all.  There  arc-  indeed  moments  in 
which  a  glimpse  of  thy  love  seems  to  unite  me  to  all  good,  and 
wipes  away  every  tear.  But  these  are  transient  touches,  and 
I  am  deeply  oppressed  with  that  fear  that  I  am  not  approved  in 
r.hy  sight,  because  I  do  not  rejoice  evermore !  I  well  know  I 


136  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  IV. 

want  a  farther  plunge  into  thy  sacred  will.     I  am  not  yet  "  the 
temple  of  the  Holy  Ghost." 

For  some  time  back  those  words  have  been  much  on  my 
mind,  "  Put  on  the  whole  armour  of  God,  that  ye  may  stand  in 
the  evil  day,  and  having  done  all,  may  stand."  I  have  some- 
times said,  Lord,  have  I  passed  that  evil  day,  or  is  it  still  to 
come  ?  And  I  always  felt  with  submission  a  desire  it  might, 
not  be  in  death.  O  Lord !  do  all  fhy  will  upon  me,  but  make 
me  wholly  conformable  to  thy  divine  nature  !  Glorify  thyself 
in  thy  poor  creature !  I  feel  as  if  soul  and  body  would  be 
divided  by  this  terrible  wrench  !  Yet  I  acquiesce,  fully  acquiesce, 
in  thy  divine  disposal.  Yes,  I  see  and  admire  thy  wisdom  !  I 
bow  down  to  a  dispensation  I  do  not  clearly  understand  !  The 
Lord  hath  done  it !  and  that  shall  be  enough  to  satisfy  me.  I 
remember  one  of  my  dear  husband's  dying  sayings  was,  Polly, 
let  us  not  fear,  God  is  love !  What  canst  thou  fear,  my  dearest, 
when  God  is  love  ?  I  feel  it  is  the  truth ;  nevertheless,  I  do 
not  feel  perfect  rest  in  that  truth,  for  want  of  that  perfect  love 
which  casteth  out  all  fear.  Nothing  will  do  for  me  but  the 
indwelling  Deity!  "He  that  dwelleth  in  love,  dwelleth  ia 
God,  and  God  in  him." 

October  3,  1785. — My  sorrowful  soul  waiteth  on  thee,  O 
Lord !  Oh !  what  a  cloud  there  is  on  my  whole  situation  ' 
Three  months  ago  I  was  raised  to  the  highest  pitch  of  human 
consolatign.  I  often  thought  all  that  God  could  give  of  ten: 
poral  comforts  was  poured  upon  me.  Whenever  I  was  hearing 
any  one  speak  of  the  afflictions  they  were  under,  I  used  to  be- 
humbled  to  the  very  dust.  Something  would  suggest,  Ah : 
you  may  well  bear  your  crosses,  and  rejoice  that  ye  have  sucl. 
a  treasure  continually  augmenting  in  your  bosom  ;  but  let  God 
only  lay  his  hand  on  your  husband,  and  see  then  whether  you 
will  bless  him  !  It  seemed  to  me,  that  I  so  honoured  any  of 
my  fellow  creatures  who  were  in  trouble,  that  I  could  kiss  the 
very  dust  from  their  feet,  and  was  often  filled  with  astonish- 
ment, why  such  a  wretch  as  I  was  spared  their  bitter  cup ! 
But  now  I  drink  it  indeed ;  yet  at  the  same  tune  I  can  say,  I 
see  it  my  privilege  to  "follow  the  Lamb  whithersoever  he 
goeth,"  without  asking  where,  or  to  what  new  cross  he  will 
lead  me.  Oh  what  should  I  do  were  it  not  for  the  privilege  of 
pouring  out  my  soul  in  prayer !  Lord,  come  and  make  thine 
•ie  in  me! 

One  day  when  I  had  some  reason  to  think  this  house  would 
be  wanted,  and  that  I  must  quit  it,  I  began  to  consider  where  I 
had  best  remove  to.  I  reflected  on  my  dear  husband's  words, 
when  he  said  a  little  before  he  lost  his  speech,  "  Stay  here,  a\y 
dear ; — I  do  not  speak  for  the  people  only,  but  for  thy  safe.. 
Thou  wilt  never  be  so  well  settled  again.  Here  thou  wit  Se 
most  out  of  the  way  from  many  things  which  would  be  a  crc* 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  137 

and  a  hinderance  to  thee."  It  was  therefore  very  painful  for  me 
to  think  of  taking  one  single  step  in  any  thing  contrary  to  his 
advice.  And  yet  I  must  own,  had  he  not  all  along  said  I  must 
stay  here,  I  believe  I  could  not  have  resolved  so  to  do,  for  every 
day  brought  me  some  cutting  trial.  A  new  ministry,  a  new 
plan  for  the  work,  and  various  causes  of  anxiety  and  trouble. 

But  now  it  appeared  I  must  remove.  I  began  to  think  of  one 
place  and  another,  but  every  one  seemed  to  bear  the  gloom  of 
night.  I  could  see  no  spot  in  the  creation  for  me  to  rest  in.  A 
peculiar  inward  feeling  also,  seemed  to  turn  from  every  place  I 
could  think  of,  as  if  the  smile  of  God  was  not  on  my  going 
there.  I  said,  Lord,  show  me  what  I  shall  do  !  Only  show  me 
what  is  thy  will !  I  thought  on  two  places  the  most  likely ; 
and  had  some  desire  to  draw  a  lot  concerning  them.  I  had  the 
paper  in  my  hand  in  order  so  to  do,  when  the  remembrance  of 
my  dearest  love  was  presented  strongly  to  rny  mind,  as  speak- 
ing again  those  words,  "  Polly,  do  not  let  us  look  for  signs  ;  let 
us  leave  ourselves  in  the  hand  of  God."  I  felt  an  immediate 
light  of  faith,  and  throwing  the  paper  out  of  my  hand,  I  took  up 
the  Bible,  intending  to  read,  and  for  the  present  to  drop  every 
other  thought.  It  opened  on  those  words  :  "  God  shall  choose 
our  inheritance  for  us."  All  my  spirit  acquiesced,  and  I  an- 
swered, "  Yea,  Lord  !  Thou  hast  chosen  for  rny  dear  the  bright 
mansions  above ;  and  thou  wilt  choose  for  me  all  rny  wander- 
ings below."  There  seemed  for  a  moment  such  a  communion 
opened  between  the  family  below  and  that  above,  as  I  cannot 
express. 

Soon  after  this  I  received  a  message  from  Mr.  Kenerson, 
letting  me  know  that  I  should  never  be  turned  out  of  the  house, 
but  might  rent  it ;  which  I  received  as  an  answer  from  the  Lord 
directing  my  way.  It  also  brought  to  my  mind  a  dream  I  had 
some  years  before  I  married.  I  dreamed  a  man  came  to  me  to 
offer  me  some  tithes.  I  replied,  "  Friend,  I  have  nothing  to 
do  with  tithes, — I  have  no  concern  in  any  living."  But  soon 
after,  I  said  to  one  of  my  family,  "  Hannah,  I  am  going  away, 
I  have  a  call  from  the  Lord,  I  must  go."  But  again  I  thought  I 
know  not  where,  not  even  into  what  country.  However,  the 
way  of  duty  is  the  way  of  safety.  I  will  set  out,  and  God  will 
lead  me.  Immediately  I  left  Cross  Hall,  and  after  walking  a 
few  paces,  I  thought  I  was  carried  in  a  moment,  I  knew  not 
how,  and  set  down  in  a  churchyard, — and  some  jone  said  to  me. 
You  are  to  enter  into  this  church.  I  went  in,  and  walking  up 
the  aisle,  I  heard  a  kind  of  groan,  and  said,  That  is  the  sound 
of  death.  When  I  came  out  of  the  church,  I  entered  into  a 
house1  which  was  just  by  it.  As  I  was  on  the  steps,  it  was  said 
inwardly  to  me,  This  is  tin  ,-itation  which  God  hath  chosen 
for  you.  I  answered,  Oh  no ,  I  cannot  live  here.  It  is  the 
order  of  God  for  me  to  live  jr.  Yorkshire.  I  went  into  some  oS 
12* 


138  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  IV 

the  rooms,  and  found  in  one  I  passed  through,  a  man  and 
woman.  In  the  next  was  a  young  woman  with  a  child  eta  he: 
lap.  She  appeared  dying  of  a  (consumption,  and  in  great  con- 
flicts. We  soon  entered  into  conversation,  and  she  seemed 
very  spiritual.  After  a  time  she  told  me,  I  must  come  and  live 
here,  and  here  abide.  I  replied,  "  Oh  no ;  I  live  at  Cross  Hall, 
in  Yorkshire ;  and  have  a  great  family  and  many  calls  there." 
But,  said  she,  it  is  the  will  of  God  to  bring  you  here.  There  in 
work  for  you  to  do.  She  added,  Do  not  be  frightened^  God 
will  make  you  a  comfortable  habitation.  I  said,  Have  you  the 
Gospel  here !  She  replied,  Yes.  And  who,  said  I,  is  the  minis- 
ter that  brought  it  among  you  T  She  replied,  He  is  not  here 
now.  Then  who,  said  I,  is  your  present  minister  ?  She  showed 
me  a  name  of  three  syllables ; — but  though  I  read  it  over  and 
over,  I  could  only  remember  the  two  last, — "nerson."  I  felt 
myself  in  great  anguish  and  sorrow  of  mind,  (though  I  could  not 
assign  any  cause,)  and  said,  I  must  go  away,  I  cannot  stay  here. 
I  do  not  know  that  man  and  woman.  I  cannot  live  with  them. 
She  replied,  "  That  man  and  woman  will  go  awav  when  you 
come.  But  here  is  a  work  for  you  to  do,  and  you  must  abide 
here.  Do  not  be  frightened ;  God  will  make  you  a  comfortable 
habitation,"  Being  determined,  however,  to  return  home,  I 
went  down  stairs,  and  seeing  a  coach  ready  to  be  hired,  I 
beckoned  to  it ;  the  man  opened  the  door,  and  as  I  was  step- 
ping in,  he  said,  Where  will  you  be  carried  to  1  I  strove  to 
say,  Cross  Hall,  in  Yorkshire,  but  could  not.  Then  I  strove  to 
name  various  habitations  I  had  formerly  lived  in,  but  could 
remember  the  name  of  none.  As  he  still  persevered  in  his 
questions,  I  at  last  stepped  back,  and  pointing  to  the  house  I 
came  out  of,  I  said,  "  That  is  my  home,  and  God  hath  taken  the 
remembrance  of  every  other  out  of  my  heart." 

I  knew  nothing  of  the  situation  of  any  thing  in  Madeley 
when  I  had  this  dream ;  but  when,  some  years  after,  I  told  it  to 
my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher,  he  said,  "  There  was  a  man  and  woman 
who  lived  with  me  at  that  time, — and  a  young  woman,  A.  C., 
who  was  very  useful  in  the  work,  to  which  she  proved  a  nursing- 
mother.  She  died  of  a  consumption,  in  which  she  had  many 
conflicts."  I  said,  Was  there  a  minister  here  whose  name 
ended  with  nerson  ?  He  replied,  "  No."  But  now  I  under- 
3tand  it  all.  Had  I  before  remembered  the  whole  name,  F 
.should  at  once  have  known  this  dream  would  be  fulfilled  at  my 
dear  husband's  death,  as  Mr.  Kenerson  was  the  patron,  and 
his  son  now  became  our  vicar.  My  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  always 
said,  if  he  died,  he  believed  I  was  to  stay  here  ; — and  there  are 
gome  circumstances  which  reconcile  me  so  to  do. 

First, — I  never  was  in  any  situation  in  which  I  had  so  much 
opportunity  of  doing  good,  (according  lo  my  small  abilities,)  as 
in  this  place,  and  that  in  various  ways,  public  and  private;  and 


PART  IV.]  MRS.   FLETCriER.  139 

to  many  who  live  at  a  distance  also.  These  are  providentially 
thrown  in  my  way,  and  I  find  such  clear  leadings  of  the  Spirit 
in  conversing  with  them,  that  (painful  as  many  circumstances 
are)  I  am  constrained  to  say,  If  I  choose  for  the  work  of  God, 
here  I  must  abide  and  fix  my  home.* 

Secondly, — Here  I  have  a  great  many  sweet,  lively  souls  to 
converse  with.  My  meetings  are  more  satisfactory  to  myself 
than  m  any  place  I  ever  yet  was  in ;  and  still  I  feel  it  suited  to 
me,  as  a  soil  which  my  soul  grows  in. 

Thirdly,— It  suits  my  temporal  affairs  ;  this  house  being 
cheap,  and  several  other  circumstances  also  are  advantageous. 

Fourthly, — I  never  found  any  other  part  agree  as  well  with 
my  health  as  this  has  done.  From  a  child  I  could  never  live 
in  London,  nor  in  any  close  place  ;  and  here  I  have  had  better 
health  than  ever  before :— only  at  this  season,  I  find  the  waves 
ot  sorrow  have  thrown  me  some  paces  nearer  my  eternal  home. 
Truly  also,  that  part  of  my  dream  (the  sound  of  death)  hath 
been  accomplished  in  all  its  pomp  ! 

Would  any  know  the  king  of  terrors  1  Let  them  look  on  the 
corpse  ot  a  beloved  husband,  or  tender  friend,  and  there  discern 
the  consequences  of  sin  !  For  a  believer  to  look  at  death,  as 
seizing  on.  himself,  has  comparatively  no  terror !  In  the  midst 
of  the  most  pleasant  scone  my  life  had  ever  exhibited,  I  some- 
;  times  said,  "I  think,  my  love,  lam  selfish:  it  seems  as  if  I 
|  should  not  fear  to  die  and  leave  thee !  I  am  deeply  sensible 
!  however,  of  all  the  pain  thou  wouldst  feel.  Yet  it  seems  as  if 
we  should  not  be  divided  even  by  death."  But  now  the  scene 
is  turned  t  It  is  my  eyes  that  must  for  ever  have  before  them 
that  tremendous  night.  Oh !  what  do  I  feel !  Thy  will,  O 
Lord,  be  done ! 

From  this  time  I  have  been  more  and  more  convinced,  my 
inheritance  is  appointed  of  the  Lord,  and  that  this  is  the  spot  "I 
am  to  fix  on,  at  least  for  the  present ;  and  I  rather  believe  I 

*  At  the  last  conference  which  Mr.  Fletcher  attended,  viz.  at  Leeds  August 
1784,  (about  a  year  before  his  death,)  I  had  the  privilege  of  sitting  very  near  him' 
About  the  middle  of  the  conference  he  rose,  and  addressed  Mr.  Wesley  respecting 
his  parish.  He  said,  "  I  fear  my  successor  will  not  be  interested  in  the  woi  k  <Tf 

«  j  ,  "7  may  s"tFer-  l  have  done  what  l  could :  J  have  built  a  -hapel 
in  Madeley  \\  cod,  and  I  hope,  sir,  you  will  continue  to  suppj"  it,  and  that  Made 
ley  may  still  be  part  of  the  circuit.  If  you  please,  I  should  be  glad  to  be  imt 
down  in  the  minutes  as  a  supernumerary !»  Mr.  Wesley  could  hardly  hear  tliis 
and  the  preachers  were  melted  into  tears.  Turning  to  them,  Mr  Fletchei' 
expressed  his  hope  that  they  would  feed  his  sheep,  and  nourish  them  with  tho 
same  truths  which  they  had  been  used  to  hear.  How  wonderfully  did  the  Lord 
provide  for  them  when  lie  was  pleased  to  remove  their  angelic  pastor  !  "  My 
r  '  said  he  to  Mrs.  Fletcher,  "  when  you  marry  me,  you  must  marry  my 
parish."  She  did  so;  and  as  thenewvicar  did  not  reside,  and  as  he  hadagreat 
respect  tor  Mrs.  Fletcher,  she  was  allowed  to  recommend  the  curate,  whom  the 
.jvi'-ar  invariably  ap|x>inted,  according  to  that  recommendation.  The  work  of 
•Ood  has  thus  continued,  and  proceeded,  for  thirty  years  in  peace.  May  it  ne"er 
•be  interrupted !— ED. 


140  THE  Lift,  OF  [PART  iv. 

shall  change  no  more, — but  that  where  he  died,  I  shall  die  also. 
During  this  heavy  night  of  sorrow,  (attended  with  such  aggra- 
vating circumstances  as  it  is  not  needful  to  explain,)  I  have  also 
seen  an  amazing  mixture  of  the  tender  care  and  fatherly  pro- 
tection of  my  God.  He  withholds  his  rough  wind  in  the  day 
of  his  east  wind;  and  will  lay  no  more  on  his  poor  creatures 
than  his  power  and  goodness  will  enable  them  to  bear.  I  know 
assuredly,  that  my  bereavement  was  wrought  for  the  good  of 
my  soul.  I  am,  notwithstanding  my  inward  trials,  and  deep 
sensibility  of  my  loss,  truly  enabled  to  praise  God  even  for  the 
severity  of  the  stroke.  Yes,  I  love  his  will,  I  love  his  cross  ! 
I  am,  I  will  be  devoted  to  his  glory  !  And  if  that  can  be  pro- 
moted by  my  keen  anguish,  I  will  delight  in  suffering  all  his  wis- 
dom shall  appoint ! 

I  see  also  the  goodness  of  the  Lord  in  our  bringing  Sally 
Lawrence  with  us  here.  The  day  we  were  married,  as  soon 
as  we  returned  from  the  church,  and  went  up  stair*  to  ask  a 
blessing  on  our  union,  she  came  into  the  room,  and  falling  on 
her  knees  before  my  dear  husband,  she  entreated  him  not  to 
part  her  from  her  dear  mistress,  who  had  brought  her  up.  He 
told  her  he  never  would ;  and  now  she  is  made  to  me  a  great 
comfdrt,  having  all  the  usefulness  of  a  housekeeper,  added  to 
the  affection  of  the  tenderest  child. 

The  Lord  has  also  answered  my  dear  husband's  prayers  with 
regard  to  the  work  of  the  Lord,  beyond  all  expectation.  Whei) 
he  repeatedly  expressed  his  desire  that  I  should  stay  here,  1 
replied,  Oh  how  can  I  bear  the  place  without  thee  1  How  can 
I  bear  to  stay,  and  see  perhaps  a  carnal  ministry  ?  He  answered. 
"  Thou  dost  not  know  what  God  may  do.  Perhaps  there  maj 
never  be  a  carnal  ministry  here."  And  so  it  proved.  The  Rev 
Mr.  Gilpin  and  his  wife,  being  on  the  spot,  were  at  that  seasoii 
kind  and  tender  friends  to  me,  and  Mr.  Kenerson  desired  hinc 
to  supply  the  church  till  he  should  return  to  his  own  living, 
which  was  not  for  some  months.  The  Lord  then  provided  fo; 
us  a  precious  young  man,  Mr.  Melville  Home,  who  had  tra- 
velled some  time  in  connection  with  Mr.  Wesley ;  and  con- 
cerning whom  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  had  (before  his  illness} 
expressed  a  desire  that  he  might  be  his  successor.  We  have 
also  the  Methodist  preachers,  and  their  labours  are  blessed. 
Brotherly  love  takes  root,  and  flourishes  among  us.  The  work 
goes  on  well ;  fresh  converts  are  continually  brought  in,  and 
several  have  with  flowing  eyes  declared,  that  the  words  they 
once  slighted,  now  seem  to  rise  in  judgment  against  them. 
They  bow  to  the  truth,  and  are  constrained  to  acknowledge, 
concerning  their  deceased  pastor,  He  being  dead,  yet  speaketh. 

The  Lord  haih  also  looked  on  my  temporal  affairs,  beyond 
what  I  could  have  expected.  I  observed,  soon  after  my  mar- 
riage, that  all  was  now  made  quite  easy.  I  looked  OH  thj 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  141 

promise  as  already  fulfilled,  having  in  Layton  a  good  deal  more 
than -would  pay  all.  Some  hundreds  were  however  still  on 
interest,  though  we  had  lessened  the  sum  while  my  dear  and  I 
were  together.  But  soon  after  he  was  taken  from  me,  I  received 
a  letter  from  a  person  of  whom  I  had  borrowed  some  years 
before  a  hundred  and  fifty  pounds,  that  he  wanted  it  directly ; 
and  I  had  at  this  season  a  good  deal  to  pay  on  other  accounts. 
As  I  wished  to  be  free,  for  the  remainder  of  my  short  days, 
from  unnecessary  care,  I  had  a  desire  that  the  estate  at  Layton- 
stone  should  be  sold,  and  the  demands  all  settled  at  once.  I 
found,  however,  that  could  not  be  done  without  loss,  and  there- 
fore proposed  to  pay  yearly  all  I  could  out  of  my  income,  which 
was  now  increased  by  the  tender  care  of  my  dear  husband 
But  my  youngest  brother,  William  Bosanquet,  whom  I  had  not 
seen  for  some  years,  came  down  on  a  visit  to  me.  He  expressed 
the  greatest  sympathy  and  tenderness  toward  me  in  this  time 
of  trial ;  and  after  staving  with  me  some  days,  generously  sup- 
plied me  with  all  the  cash  I  then  needed.  Some  months  after, 
un  uncle  dying  without  leaving  me  any  thing,  (and  indeed  I  did 
not  think  I  had  any  right  to  expect  it,)  my  brothers  wrote  me: 
word,  that  they  were  sorry  I  was  not  remembered  in  the  will ; 
and  my  youngest  brother  desired  me  to  accept  of  five  hundred 
pounds  (or  more  if  I  wanted  it)  to  settle  all  my  affairs.  Here 
was  the  exact  fulfilment  of  Mrs.  Clapham's  impression  con- 
cerning us!  [See  page  109.]  This  very  brother  whom  she 
t^en  saw,  (though  at  that  time  there  was  not  the  least  reason 
to  think  of  any  such  thing,)  did  afterward,  as  it  was  represented 
to  her,  bring  me  many  smaller  sums,  and  at  last  one  so  large  an 
to  remove  all  burdens  at  once  from  my  shoulders !  And  on 
January,  1787,  I  wrote  in  iny  diary,  I  now  owe  no  man  any 
thing  but  love :  my  income  is  quite  clear,  and  I  have,  accord- 
ing to  the  promise,  great  plenty  of  silver. 


PART  THE  FIFTH. 


HER    SETTLEMENT  AT  MADELEY, AND  THOUGHTS   ON  COM- 
MUNION WITH  HAPPY  SPIRITS. 

December  15,  1785. 

MY  soul  is  exceeding  sorrowful.  I  feel  the  loss  of  my  clear- 
est husband  in  a  manner  I  cannot  express.  Four  months  are 
now  ekpsed  since  I  sustained  that  dreadful  scene,  yet  it  seems 
as  if  it  was  but  yesterday.  Nothing  can  comfort  me  but  the 
blessing  promised  in  those  words,  "  I  and  my  Father  will  come 
and  make  our  abode  with  you,"  Nothing  short  of  that  baptism 


142  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V,. 

of  the  Holy  Ghost  can  heal  and  satisfy  my  wounded  soul.  But 
I  will  endeavour  to  recollect  the  blessings  which  attend  even 
my  melancholy  situation,  and  strive  by  steps  of  thankfulness  to 
raise  my  heart  from  gratitude  to  exulting  praise. 

First, — I  have  the  comfort  of  knowing  my  dear  love  is  in 
glory.  He  hath  proved  the  victory, — his  "  last  enemy  is  de- 
stroyed!" Death  shall  no  more  threaten  him  with  the  cold 
grave ;  it  is  conquered  for  ever,  and  shall  be  "  swallowed  up  in 
victory." 

Secondly, — I  had  the  consolation  of  being  with  him  to  the 
last  moment,  and  hearing  him,  so  long  as  he  could  speak,  ex- 
press how  comfortable  he  was  both  inward  and  outward ;  prais- 
ing God  often  for  the  comfortable  attendance  he  had  in  the 
needful  hour,  and  many  times  saying  to  me,  "  I  am  most  sweetly 
filled,  but  I  do  not  seem  for  much  speaking ;  I  am  drawn  in- 
ward." 

Thirdly, — I  rejoice  that  he  told  me,  "  God  would  open  all  my 
way  before  me ;"  and  with  his  last  blessing  gave  me  to  the 
Lord,  saying,  "  Head  of  the  church,  be  head  to  my  wife  !" 

Fourthly, — He  feels  no  more  from  the  fear  of  losing  me. 
Perhaps  he  is  nearer  to  me  than  ever !  Perhaps  he  sees  me 
continually,  and,  under  God,  guards  and  keeps  me.  Perhaps 
he  knows  my  very  thoughts.  The  above  reflections,  though 
under  a  perhaps,  give  me  some  help ;  but  could  they  be  con- 
firmed by  reason,  and  above  all  by  Scripture,  they  would  yield 
me  much  consolation.  I  will  try  if  I  can  find  this  solid  ground 
for  them. 

It  appears  to  me  no  way  contrary  to  reason  to  believe  that 
the  happy  departed  spirits  see  and  know  all  they  would  wish, 
and  are  divinely  permitted  to  know.  In  this  Mr.  Wesley  is  of 
the  same  mind,  (from  whose  writings  I  shall  borrow  some  of 
iny  ideas) — and  that  they  are  concerned  for  the  dear  fellow 
pilgrims  whom  they  have  left  behind.  I  cannot  but  believe 
they  are ;  and  though  death  is  the  boundary  we  cannot  see 
through,  they  who  have  passed  the  gulf  may  probably  see  us. 
Some  small  insects  can  see  but  a  little  way ;  an  apple  would 
appear  to  them  a  mountain,  but  we  can  see  a  thousand  of  them 
at  once,  crawling  on  what  we  call  a  small  spot  of  earth.  When 
an  infant  is  born  into  this  world,  how  many  senses,  till  then 
locked  up,  are  on  a  sudden  brought  into  action,  and  could  the 
child  reflect,  a  variety  of  new  ideas  would  be  awakened  by 
which  it  would  discern  such  a  capacity  of  becoming  useful  and 
comfortable  to  its  mother,  as  it  never  before  had  any  concep- 
tion of !  It  could  have  no  communion  with  her  but  by  one  sense, 
that  of  feeling ;  but  uow  it  is  enabled  both  to  see,  hear,  and  to 
make  itself  heard  by  her.  There  was  an  apparent  separation 
from  the  mother ;  but  in  reality  it  has  gained  a  more  valuable 
possession,  which  every  dav  increases  its  ability  of  entering 


PART  V.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  143 

into  her  thoughts,  and  bearing  a  part  in  all  her  feelings.  And 
may  we  not  suppose,  if  the  use  of  sight  and  hearing,  as  well  as 
the  powers  of  understanding,  are  so  improved  by  our  birth  into 
this  lower  world,  that  some  powers  analogous  to  the  above  are, 
at  least,  equally  opened  on  the  entrance  of  a  spirit  into  a  hea- 
venly state ;  though  perhaps  small  in  the  beginning,  like  the 
anfant,  compared  with  the  measure  that  is  to  follow  1 

Nor  doth  it  seem  contrary  to  reason  to  suppose  a  spirit  in 
glory  can  turn  its  eye  with  as  much  ease,  and  look  on  any 
object  below,  as  a  mother  can  look  through  a  window  and  see 
the  actions  of  her  children  in  a  court  underneath  it.  If  bodies 
have  a  language  by  which  they  can  convey  their  thoughts  to 
each  other,  though  sometimes  at  a  distance,  have  spirits  no 
language,  think  you,  by  which  they  can  converse  with  our  spi- 
rits, and  by  impressions  on  the  mind,  speak  to  us  as  easily  as 
before  they  did  by  the  tongue  1  And  what  can  interrupt  either 
the  presence,  communion,  or  sight  of  a  spirit  1 

"  Walls  within  walls  no  more  its  passage  bar, 
Thsa  unopposing  space  of  liquid  air." 

But  may  not  our  reasonable  ideas  be  much  strengthened  by 
Scripture  ?  Some  encouragement  on  this  head  I  have  lately 
drawn  from  the  account  of  Elijah  and  Elisha,  (though  I  do  not 
offer  this  as  a  proof,  but  rather  as  an  illustration,)  for  as  Elijah 
was  to  enter  glory  without  passing  through  death,  it  is  probable 
he  was  favoured  before  with  a  more  than  common  intercourse 
and  communion  with  the  world  of  spirits,  as  we  see  in  the  works 
of  Providence  there  is  a  gradual  ascent ;  and  I  the  rather  be- 
lieve this  from  some  passages  in  his  story.  Near  the  time  of 
his  translation,  it  was  revealed  to  the  sons  of  the  prophets,  who 
said  to  Elisha,  Knowest  thou  that  thy  master  shall  be  taken 
from  thy  head  to-day  1  But  to  Elijah  himself  perhaps  it  was 
revealed  long  before,  and  it  seems  to  me,  he  referred  to  this 
when  he  was  in  the  desert  of  Arabia,  under  the  juniper  tree, 
1  Kings  chap,  xix, — where  he  requested  for  himself  that  he 
might  die,  saying,  (to  this  effect,)  "  It  ifr  enough,  Lord,  I  am 
not  better  than  my  fathers."  The  prophets  before  me  have 
sealed  thy  truth  with  their  blood,  and  why  should  I  be  exempt 
from  the  common  lot  of  man 1  I  had  rather  die,  and  come  to 
thee  now  .'  Why  should  i  live  uny  longer?  Thou  hast  enabled 
me  to  maintain  thy  cause  against  the  worshippers  of  Baal ;  yet 
my  word  hath  little  weight  with  them.  "  They  have  slain  thy 
prophets,  and  I  only  am  left,  and  they  seek  my  life  to  take  it 
away."  Let  them  have  it,  for  it  is  far  better  for  me  to  depart 
and  to  be  with  thee.  However,  quite  resigned  to  the  will  of 
God,  he  lays  him  down  to  sleep,  till  awaked  by  an  angel  of  the 
Lord,  who  bids  him  arise,  and  take  the  refreshment  a  watchful 
Providence  had  provided  for  him.  Here  we  have  no  account 
of  any  alarming  fear.  He  doth  not.  like  Daniel,  fall  down  as 


144  THE  LIFE  oi1  IPAKT  v, 

one  dead ;  nor,  like  Zachariah  and  the  shepherds,  become  sore 
afraid ;  but  after  a  moderate  repast,  he  lies  down  to  sleep  again, 
and  then  receives  a  second  visit  from  his  bright  messenger,  for 
aught  we  see,  with  the  same  steady  calmness  as  before.  From 
which,  I  am  led  to  suppose,  he  was  accustomed  to  such  com- 
munications. 

When  his  faith  had  gathered  strength  by  his  miraculous  pre- 
servation, forty  days  and  nights  without  food,  full  of  holy  ex- 
pectation he  arrives  at  Horeb,  waiting  a  farther  manifestation 
of  the  glory  of  God,  as  Moses,  the  giver  of  the  law,  had  done 
an  this  very  place  before  him.  Nor  can  we  suppose  this  illus- 
trious restorer  of  the  law  could  be  totally  forgetful  of  that  prayer, 
"  Lord,  I  beseech  thee,  show  me  thy  glory !"  The  place  would 
remind  him  of  the  great  discoveries  made  there.  What  inter- 
course he  might  have  with  the  Spirit  of  Moses,  we  know  not ; 
but  it  is  certain  they  knew  each  other  somo  time  after  on  Mount 
Tabor.  Waiting  thus,  like  his  great  predecessor,  for  a  time, 
the  glory  of  the  Lord  was  displayed  beic.-e  him,  and  the  ques- 
tion put,  "  What  dost  thou  here,  Elijah  I"  In  his  answer  to 
which,  he  seems  to  intimate  I  have  nothing  to  do  here.  Israel 
has  departed  from  thy  ways,  and  why  should  I.abide  on  earth 
any  longer.  Let  me  now  come  up.  As  a  pledge  his  prayer  is 
heard,  he  is  commanded  to  anoint  Elisha  to  remain  a  prophet 
in  his  room.  And  when  the  appointed  time  was  come,  walking 
with  Elisha,  he  seems  desirous  of  being  alone,  (perhaps  the 
powers  of  darkness  now  made  their  last  assault,  endeavouring 
to  shake  his  faith  with  regard  to  the  great  event  just  ready  to 
take  place,)  and  bids  his  friend  again  and  again  to  tarry  behind. 
But  Elisha,  unwilling  to  lose  any  part  of  his  blessing,  answers, 
"  As  the  Lord  liveth,  and  as  thy  soul  liveth,  I  will  not  leave 
thee."  He  then  asks  him,  What  shall  I  do  for  f.ee  before  I 
am  taken  away  1  Elisha  answers,  "  Let  a  double  portion  of  thy 
spirit  be  upon  me."  To  which  Elijah  replies,  "Thou  hast 
asked  a  hard  thing."  Now  if  a  double  portion  of  holiness  was 
all  Elisha  meant,  it  was  an  odd  answer,  for  we  know  there  are 
no  limits  to  that  petition.  We  may  ask  as  much  of  the  nature 
of  God  as  we  please,  and  he  will  do  '*  exceeding  abundantly 
above  all  we  can  ask  or  think."  And  no  doubt  Elijah  knew 
enough  of  the  mind  of  God  to  know  that.  But  might  not  he 
mean,  let  me  have  the  two  portions  of  thy  spirit,  not  only  thy 
communion  with  God,  but  let  my  intellectual  sight  be  opened 
as  thine.  Let  me  also  discern  the  heavenly  company  where- 
with we  are  surrounded,  and  commune  with  "  the  spirits  of  just 
men  made  perfect,"  though  as  yet  I  only  by  faith  behold  the 
Gospel  day  ] 

This  therefore  did  seem  a  hard  thing ;  for  as  Elisha  was  to 
die  like  other  men,  the  prophet  might  not  know  whether  this 
favour  was  to  be  granted  to  him  or  not ;  and,  therefore,  as  re- 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  145 

ferring  to  the  thing  itself,  he  says,  (as  it  were,)  "  If  thou  seeet 
me  when  I  am  taken  from  thee,"  when  the  spiritual  change  hath 
passed  upon  me,  then  it  shall  be  so,  and  then  thy  inward  sight 
will  be  opened'.  But  if  I  become  invisible  to  thee,  as  to  the 
sons  of  the  prophets  who  stand  afar  off  to  gaze,  it  shall  not  be 
so.  •  It  is  not  the  will  of  God  concerning  thee.  Bat  the 
"effectual  fervent  prayer  of  the  righteous  man  availed."  Elisha 
saw  both  him  and  his  heavenly  convoy,  while  the  sons  of  the 
prophets  saw  neither ;  and,  therefore,  went  on  to  the  mountains 
to  seek  Elijah.  And  that  this  supernatural  sight  remained  with 
Elisha,  we  have  reason  to  believe ;  for  beiag  in  Dothan,  and 
surrounded  with  a  great  host  come  to  take  away  his  life,  his 
servant  said  to  him,  "  Alas,  master !  what  shall  we  do  ?"  The 
prophet  at  once  answers,  "  They  are  more  that  be  with  us,  than 
they  that  be  with  them  ;"  and  adds,  "  Lord,  open  the  young 
man's  eyes,  that  he  may  see !"  And  "the  Lord  opened  the 
young  man's  eyes,  nnd  he  saw,  and  behold,  the  mountain  was 
full  of  chariots  and  horses  of  fire  round  about  Elisha."  It  is 
remarkable  this  spirit  which  rested  on  Elisha  was  more  con- 
spicuous than  that  which  rested  on  Elijah, — perhaps  to  prevent 
the  thought,  though  the  man  who  was  to  enter  heaven  alive, 
was  thus  favoured,  no  other  must  expect  it.  Nay,  but  God, 
who  delights  to  confer  his  greatest  favours  on  the  weakest 
objects,  can  confer  on  us  all,  that  which  he  bestowed  on  Elijah 
and  Elisha.  And,  if  under  that  dark  dispensation,  why  not  in 
this  Gospel  day,  concerning  which  it  is  foretold,  "  Your  sons 
and  your  daughters  shall  prophesy,  your  young  men  shall  see 
visions,  and  your  old  men  shall  dream  dreams'!" 

The  Apostle  tells  us,  "We  are  not  come  to  mount  Sinai," 
whero  Israel  both  saw  the  power  and  heard  the  voice  of  God ; 
but  to  mount  Zion,  where  we  have  communion  "with  the 
general  assembly  of  angels,  the  church  of  the  first  born,  the 
spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,  with  Jesus  the  mediator  of  the 
new  covenant ;"  yea,  and  have  access  "  to  God,  the  judge  of 
till."  And  were  we  better  acquainted  with  the  privileges  of 
our  dispensation,  we  should  become,  in  a  more  full  manner, 
inheriters,  with  "  the  saints  in  light."  But  though  it  is  allowed 
we  may  have  communion  with  angels,  various  are  the  objections 
raised  against  the  belief  of  our  communion  with  that  other  part 
of  the  heavenly  family,  the  disembodied  spirits  of  the  just. 

I  shall  consider  these  objections  one  by  one.  Lord,  help  me 
in  so  doing !  Let  me  at  least  strive  to  comprehend  something 
of  "  the  length,  and  breadth,  and  depth,  and  height,  of  the  great 
victory  obtained  for  us  over  death  ;"  give  me  to  see  a  little  into 
that  truth,  "We  are  brought  from  mount  Sinai  to  mount  Zion." 

Objection  the  first. — If  a  good  spirit  loves  those  "/Jiich  it 
loved  before,  and  is  acquainted  with  all  Uieir  proceedings,  will 
,cot  the  sins  and  miseries  of  those  they  thus  know  and  love, 
I? 


J46  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  V. 

render  them  unhappy,  or  at  least  mar  their  happiness  in  some 
degree  1  I  answer,  there  are  two  kinds  of  love.  If  the  persons 
they  loved  continue  sinners,  there  will  doubtless  be  a  separa- 
tion of  spirit,  yet  I  believe  a  remembrance  and  a  pity  will 
continue.  It  is  said  of  the  Almighty,  that  "  it  repented  the 
Lord  he  had  made  man,"  and  that  "  it  grieved  him  at  the 
heart ;"  and  again,  that  "  he  was  grieved  with  their  manners 
in  the  wilderness  forty  years."  Nevertheless  his  own  immiu 
table  happiness  was  not  interrupted  thereby.  Now  as  the 
saints  yet  on  earth  are  made  partakers  of  the  Divine  nature, 
and  much  more  "  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,"  so  I 
should  imagine  their  happiness  would,  in  that  respect,  remain 
as  immutable  as  that  of  the  holy  angels  did,  when  so  many  of 
their  once  dear  companions  they  now  daily  behold  as  devils. 
I  cannot  let  it  into  my  thoughts  that  ignorance  makes  up  any 
part  of  celestial  glory,  or  that  forgetfulness  can  be  entered  into 
by  their  nearer  approach  to  Him,  "  before  whom  all  things  are 
open  and  manifest ;"  and  "  in  whom  is  no  darkness  at  all." 

But  if  an  entire  alienation  of  affection  from  the  wicked 
should  be  needful,  that  is  no  proof  it  is  the  same  with  the*  right- 
eous ;  for  if  the  sins  of  obstinate  sinners  would  afflict  them,  the 
growth  of  grace  in  the  righteous  would  augment  their  joy ;  and 
our  Lord  himself  tells  us,  "  There  is  joy  in  heaven  over  one 
sinner  that  repenteth."  If  you  say,  But  this  joy  is  only 
among  the  angels ;  I  answer,  Can  we  suppose  those  faithful 
attendants  on  the  heirs  of  salvation  so  carefully  to  conceal  this 
joy  within  their  own  bosoms,  as  to  exclude  the  heavenly  spirits 
who  stand  in  a  much  nearer  relation  to  us  ?  Can  we  believe 
they  have  not  all  their  joys  in  common  ]  No,  no  ;  in  the  church 
of  Jerusalem  they  proved  that  "  great  grace  was  upon  them  all," 
by  their  community  of  goods.  And  shall  our  narrow  hearts  let 
in  the  thought  that  they  have  not  all  their  joys  in  common  in 
the  church  above]  Yea,  verily,  "the  general  assembly  of 
angels,  the  church  of  the  first  born,"  and  "the  spirits  of  just 
men  made  perfect,"  are  but  one  innumerable  company,  con-' 
cerning  whom  it  may  well  be  said, 

"Lift  your  eyes  of  faith,  and  see 

Saints  and  angels  join'd  in  one '. 
What  a  countless  company 
Stands  before  yon  dazzling  throne !" 

If,  then,  there  is  joy  throughout  all  the  realms  above,  yea, 
"  more  joy  over  one  sinner  that  repenteth,  than  over  the  ninety 
and  nine  which  went  not  astray,"  how  evident  it  is  to  an 
impartial  eye,  that  the  state  both  of  the  one  and  the  other  must 
be  known  there,  together  with  the  progress  of  each  individual. 

Objection  the  second. — Is  not  a  spirit  divested  of  the  body, 
become  of  a  quite  different,  nature  from  what  it  was  before,  so 
as  to  be  incapable  of  the  same  feelings  1  I  answer,  Certainly 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  147 

no ;  the  spirit  is  the  man.  The  spirit  of  my  dear  husband 
loved  and  cared  for  me,  and  longed  above  every  other  desire 
for  my  spiritual  advancement.  Now  if  it  were  the  body,  why 
doth  it  not  love  me  still'!  You  answer,  Because  it  is  dead. 
That  is  to  say,  the  spirit  is  gone  from  it ;  therefore,  that  which 
loved  me  is  gone  from  it.  And  what  is  that  but  the  spirit, 
which  actuated  the  body,  as  the  clock-work  does  the  hand 
which  tells  the  hour?  It  therefore  appears  quite  clear  to  me, 
that  every  right  affection,  sentiment,  and  feeling  of  mind,  we 
have  been  exercised  in  here,  will  remain  in  the  spirit  just  the 
same  immediately  after  death.  Nevertheless,  as  with  the 
righteous,  heavenly  light  and  love  will  daily  grow  stronger,  and 
with  the  wicked  will  be  an  increasing  darkness,  so  there  may 
be,  perhaps,  in  a  few  days,  a  much  greater  change  on  the 
newly  glorified  spirit,  than  in  the  understanding  of  a  child  in 
seven  years.  The  point  therefore  to  be  considered  is,  Will  not 
a  continuance  and  growth  in  the  heavenly  state  erase  those 
affections  and  ideas  so  strongly  impressed  on  the  spirit  at  its 
first  entrance  therein  ?  To  which  I  reply,  As  spiritual  union 
arises  from  a  communication  of  the  love  which  flows  from  the 
heart  of  Christ,  I  cannot  but  believe  a  nearer  approach  to  its 
centre,  and  a  fuller  measure  of  that  divine  principle,  must 
increase,  and  not  diminish,  the  union  between  kindred  souls  ; 
and  that  their  change  will  consist,  not  in  the  loss,  but  in  the 
improvement  of  all  that  is  good. 

Whatever  agrees  with  the  nature  of  heaven  cannot  be 
destroyed,  but  increased  by  their  abode  therein.  Now  are  not 
love  and  gratitude  natives  of  heaven  which  dwell  for  ever 
there  ?  If  in  our  present  state  an  abundance  of  grace  is  poured 
out  on  the  soul,  what  is  the  effect  ?  Doth  it  make  us  forgetfu^ 
of  kindnesses  received  1  Doth  it  not  rather  raise  the  soul  to 
such  a  pitch  of  gratitude,  that  it  is  ready  to  see  favours  where 
really  there  are  none  ?  And  shall  not  the  same  love,  when  per- 
fected in  heaven,  have  the  same  effect  in  a  more  perfect  degree  ? 
The  mistake  lies  here ;  we  forget  that  Christian  love  and  union 
below  are  the  same  in  kind,  though  not  in  degree,  with  those 
above ;  and  we  might  as  well  suppose  when  we  enter  into  the 
realms  of  light,  that  we  shall  plunge  into  darkness  for  want  of 
the  natural  sun,  as  to  suppose  that  Christian  love  and  union 
must  be  destroyed  by  an  abode  in  that  kingdom,  where  the  very 
element  we  breathe  shall  be  eternal  love.  Doubtless  we  shall 
know,  and  gratefully  acknowledge,  the  ministering  spirits  who 
have  served  us  here,  and  be  sensible  that  gratitude  is  immortal, 
and  does  not  change  its  sentiments  with  its  place.  I  think  all 
this  is  clear  from  those  words  of  our  Lo^d,  "  Make  to  yourselves 
friends  of  the  mammon  of  unrighteousness,  that  when  ye  fail 
on  earth,  they,"  viz.  those  whom  you  have  helped,  "  may  receive 
you  into  everlasting  habitations." 


148  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V. 

Objection  the  third. — But  are  they  not  so  taken  up  with  admir- 
ing Jesus,  as  to  lose  every  other  affection  in  him  ?  I  answer, — 
That  love  of  Jesus  which  fills  the  soul  with  the  admiration  of 
liis  graces,  is  a  love  begotten  by  that  which  reigns  in  the  heart 
of  Christ  himself;  consequently  it  is  of  the  same  nature.  But 
is  the  love  of  Jesus  a  barren  and  inactive  love  ?  Did  it  produce 
in  our  Lord  such  an  enjoyment  of  his  own  pure  nature, — or 
such  a  shutting  up  in  the  glories  and  delights  of  the  Trinity,  as 
to  render  him  forgetful  ot  his  creatures  1  Or  did  it  bring  him 
down  to  "  die  for  his  enemies,  and  receive  gifts  for  the  rebel- 
lious ?"  When  a  powerful  effusion  of  grace  is  poured  out  on 
our  souls,  are  we  not  then  most  willing  and  ready  to  help  our 
neighbour,  and  to  cry  out  .with  that  good  woman,  Jane  Muncy, 
"  Methinks  I  am  all  spirit !  I  have  no  rest  day  or  night  but  irv 
gathering  souls  to  God."  Surely,  then,  we  may  with  safety 
believe,  that  a  holy  unembodied  spirit  feels  the  same  effect 
from  a  fuller  effusion  of  the  same  love ;  and  that  as  soon  as  he 
hears  that  word,  "  I  will  give  thee  many  things  to  be  faithful 
over,"  he  immediately  enters  more  fully  than  ever  into  the  joy 
of  his  Lord,  which  is  the  joy  of  doing  his  creatures  good. 

Objection  the  fourth. — But  though  it  may  be  allowed  that  the 
angels  are  ministering  spirits  to  the  saints,  in  honour  of  their 
Lord,  who  hath  taken  our  nature  upon  him,  we  do  not  know 
but  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,  being  of  a  higher  order 
by  their  near  relation  to  their  Head,  may  be  exempt  from  that 
servitude.  I  answer, — To  this  objection  may  not  those  words 
of  our  Lord  be  applied,  "Ye  know  not  what  manner  of  spirit 
ye  are  of?"  "He  that  will  be  greatest,  let  him  be  servant,'* 
saith  Jesus  Christ,  who  came  himself  "  not  to  be  ministered 
unto,  but  to  minister ;  and  if  our  Lord  washed  our  feet,"  shatt 
we  be  above  the  same  employment  ?  Jesus  our  Master,  though 
in  his  glorified  state,  calls  himself  the  "  Shepherd  of  his  sheep," 
and  walks  with  jealous  care  amidst  his  "candlesticks  of  g'old, 
holding  the  stars  in  his  right  hand  ;"  and  I  can  no  more  believe 
the  divinest  spirit  in  glory  above  the  service  of  mankind,  than  I 
can  believe  there  is  pride  in  heaven.  Abraham  is  represented 
as  receiving  Lazarus  to  his  bosom,  and  as  giving  a  mild  answer 
even  to  a  damned  spirit !  And  when  souls  at  the  foot  of  the 
altar  cried  How  long  ?  they  were  told  "  to  wait  till  their  fellow 
servants  came  also."  Did  they  not  then  remember  their  fellow 
servants  ?  When  the  heart  is  full  of  grace,  it  delighte  in  the 
meanest  office,  and  feels  pleasure  in  yielding  happiness  even  to 
an  insect.  We  are  sensible  no  part  of  our  worship  is  more 
pleasant  in  the  sight  of  God  than  obedience,  and  no  employ- 
ment more  delightful  to  the  saints  than  that  of  promoting  the 
glory  of  God.  Now  the  Lord  hath  said  of  his  creatures,  "I 
have  created  thee  for  my  glory ;  I  have  formed  thee  for  my 
praise  !"  Shall  not  then  the  blessed  spirits  be  very  zealous  in 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  149 

promoting  that  glory  ?  The  glory  of  God  and  our  interest  are 
inseparably  one.  And  are  they  not  "  one  spirit  with  the  Lord  ?" 
And  is  not  their  highest  delight  in  that  in  which  he  most 
delights,  which  is  the  salvation  of  his  people  *  So  that  an 
exemption  from  serving  the  church  would  rather  create  pain 
than  give  satisfaction. 

Again,  the  highest  honour  that  can  be  conferred  on  a  crea- 
ture, is  to  have  the  nearest  resemblance  to  its  creating  Head. 
Now  he  hath  said  to  the  believer,—"  I  will  dwell  in  you,— I 
will  come  and  make  my  abode  with  you."  The  soul  who  hath 
felt  a  small  degree  of  pure  love  can  answer  this  objection  at 
once  from  the  feelings  of  his  own  heart ;  the  language  of  which 
is,  /  love  him  continually,  and  therefore  /  will  feed  his  lambs. 

Objection  the  fifth.— But  as  paradise  is  a  place,  as  well  as  a 
state,  and  finite  beings  are  not  omnipresent,  any  more  than 
omnipotent,  how  can  they  be  there  and  here  in  the  same  mo- 
ment ?  I  answer, — I  do  not  suppose  they  can.  But  if  I  were 
to  tell  you  of  a  minister  who  daily  visited  his  flock,  inquired 
into  all  their  concerns,  and  knew  their  whole  situation,  would 
you  say  it  was  impossible,  because  he  lives  in  that  house,  which 
is  his  home,  and  he  cannot  be  in  two  places  at  the  same  tune  1 
And  yet  it  is  certain  we  are  perfectly  acquainted  with  the 
situation  of  many,  who  do  not  live  with  us  in  the  same  house. 
If  we  see  them  but  once  a  week,  our  shallow  capacities  can 
take  in  all  they  tell  us  of  their  past  and  present  state.  But  if 
instead  of  waiting  for  the  slow  and  imperfect  conveyance  of 
words,  we  could  by  a  cast  of  the  eye  read  every  thought  in  a 
moment,  and  without  labour  visit  them  as  easily  as  the  sun 
shines  in  at  their  windows,  (though  it  still  remains  in  its  proper 
place,)  our  acquaintance  would  be  much  more  perfect.  We  are 
now  in  the  body,  and  have  senses  and  faculties  suited  thereto  ; 
therefore  our  human  eye  can  at  once  measure  the  body  of  our 
child,  and  discern  every  wound  or  bruise,  or  even  a  speck  of 
dirt  thereon.  And  have  not  spirits  faculties  suited  to  spirits, 
by  which  we  may  suppose  they  can  as  easily  discern  your  soul, 
as  you  could  discern  their  body  when  they  were  hi  the  same 
state  as  yourself?  And  may  there  not  be  a  way  by  which  a 
spirit  actually  before  the  throne  of  God,  may  still  see  and  serve 
the  souls  committed  to  its  care,  supposing  them  to  act  as 
ministering  spirits  1 

I  ask,  If  you  had  never  heard  of  a  looking-glass,  would  you 
understand  me  if  I  said,  Though  you  stand  at  one  end  of  that 
long  gallery,  and  I  at  the  other,  with  my  back  toward  you,  1 
can  discern  your  every  action  and  motion,  and  know  every 
change!  Aud  yet  such  a  knowledge  the  looking-glass  would 
convey  to  me.  Now,  if  all  things  on  earth  are  patterns  or 
shadows  of  those  above,  may  not  something  analogous  to  the 
g lass  represent  to  the  world  of  spirits  aa  just  a  picture  of  the 
13* 


150  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART   T, 

changes  of  posture  in  the  spirit,  as  the  glass  does  those  of  the 
body  1  Some  have  supposed  the  appearance  or  representation 
of  every  soul  still  in  the  body  to  be  constantly  seen  in  heaven. 
That  this  may  be  without  the  knowledge  of  the  person  con- 
cerned is  evident;  because  Ananias  knew  nothing,  till  God 
said  to  him,  (speaking  of  Saul,)  "  Behold,  he  prayeth ;  and 
hath  seen  in  a  vision  a  man  named  Ananias  coming  in,  and 
putting  his  hand  on  him,  that  he  might  receive  his  sight." 
Various  dreams  of  pious  persons,  who  have  thought  they  saw 
their  appearances  in  paradise,  over  which  the  heavenly  com- 
pany mourned  or  rejoiced, — as  well  as  the  amazing  instances 
of  second  sight, — seem  to  strengthen  this  opinion. 

If  this  seem  strange,  let  us  consider  how  strange  it  would 
appear  to  us,  if  we  had  never  heard  of  letters,  to  be  informed 
there  was  a  method  among  many  nations,  of  wrapping  up  their 
thoughts  in  a  bit  of  paper,  and  by  that  means  conveying  them 
hundreds  of  miles  into  the  bosom  of  their  dearest  friends  !  As 
little  could  you  conceive  of  the  faculty  of  speech  had  you  never 
known  it ;  or  the  commanding  knowledge  which  the  eye  gives 
you  over  a  large  space,  and  a  number  of  persons  in  one  moment, 
had  you  been  born  blind.  But  though  I  mention  these  similes, 
because  some  can  only  conceive  of  spiritual  matters  by  gross 
ideas,  I  believe  our  union  to  be  far  more  close  with  the  hea- 
venly host  than  to  need  these  representations.  What  else 
doth  those  words  of  the  Apostle  mean,  "We  are  come  to  the 
general  assembly,  to  the  church  of  the  first  born,  and  to  the 
spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect  V  And  if  "  He  maketh  his 
angels  spirits,  and  his  ministers  a  flame  of  fire,"  cannot  a  spirit 
be  with  me  in  a  moment,  as  easily  as  a  stroke  from  an  electrical 
machine  can  convey  the  fire  for  many  miles  in  one  moment, 
through  thousands  of  bodies,  if  properly  linked  together  ?  That 
the  devils  are  about  us  and  know  our  thoughts  is  evident.  A 
sinful  thought  is  suggested  ;  we  answer  it  by  Scripture.  Im- 
mediately it  is  answered  again.  And  shall  not  departed  happy 
spirits,  who  are  so  much  more  of  one  nature  with  us,  have  the 
same  power  1  Mr.  Wesley  has  a  beautiful  observation  in  his 
sermon  on  those  words.  "  Are  they  not  all  ministering  spirits 
sent  forth  to  minister  for  them  who  shah1  be  heirs  of  salvation  V 
He  says,  "  That  the  guardian  angels  know  our  thoughts  seems 
clear  from  the  nature  of  their  charge,  which  is  certainly  first 
for  the  soul,  and  but  in  a  secondary  sense  for  the  body." 
And  are  not  our  kindred  spirits  more  nearly  related  to  us  than 
the  angels  ]  Why  then  should  they  not  have  the  same  discern- 
ment? 

But  to  return  to  our  first  question.  Can  they  be  here  and 
in  paradise  at  the  same  time  1  Otherwise,  how  can  they  con- 
stantly minister  to  us  ?  Perhaps  we  shall  not  be  able  to  compre- 
hend this  till  that  word  is  accomplished,  "  Then  shall  we  kupw 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  151 

even  as  also  we  are  known."  But  if  this  cannot  be,  then  we  must 
give  up  all  the  agency  of  angels,  for  the  same  argument  will 
hold  good  against  that.  And  yet  our  Lord  hath  said,  "  Despise 
not  these  little  ones,  for  I  say  unto  you,  in  heaven  their  angels 
do  always  behold  the  face  of  my  Father  who  is  in  heaven." 

Objection  the  sixth. — But  is  it  not  said  of  the  dead,  "They 
are  gone  into  the  land  where  all  things  are  forgotten  V  And  is 
it  not  the  design  of  the  Almighty  that  our  union  should  cease 
with  our  life,  and  that  death  should  divide  us  1  As  to  the  first 
part  of  the  objection,  I  allow  there  is  in  psalm  eighty-eight  an 
expression  which  implies  forgetfulness ;  but  I  think  it  is  spoken 
of  the  body,  which  will  remain  in  this  state  of  forgetfulness,  till 
reanimated  by  the  spirit.  But  what  has  that  to  do  with  the 
soul  ?  We  hear  of  the  souls  at  the  foot  of  the  altar,  who  cried, 
"  How  long,  O  Lord,  till  thou  judge  and  avenge  our  blood  on 
those  who  dwell  on  the  earth V  And  they  were  told  "to  rest 
till  their  brethren  and  fellow  servants  should  be  slain  as  they 
were."  Here  was  a  remembrance  both  of  friends  and  enemies, 
as  also  of  the  manner  of  their  own  death.  Again,  "  the  four 
living  creatures,  and  the  twenty-four  elders"  in  their  song  of 
praise,  have  these  words,  "  Thou  art  worthy,  for  thou  wast  slain, 
and  hast  redeemed  us  to  God  by  thy  blood,  out  of  every  kin- 
dred, and  tongue,  and  people,  and  nation."  They  are  also 
emblematically  represented  as  having  "vials  full  of  incense  in 
their  hand,  which  arc  the  prayers  of  the  saints :"  wherewith 
surely  their  desires  (and  consequently  remembrance)  are  joined. 
Abraham  is  called  the  father  of  the  faithful,  because  of  his  stead- 
fast belief  of  the  promise  concerning  Isaac,  and  is  set  forth  aa 
an  example  to  us.  Can  we  believe  him  to  have  forgotten  that 
whole  event  ?  Certainly  the  angel  who  called  to  Abraham,  and 
said,  "  Lay  not  thy  hand  on  the  lad,"  remembers  it ;  for  we  can- 
not suppose  him  to  have  passed  through  any  change  of  nature 
since  that  time. 

If  you  say  it  was  the  Angel  of  the  covenant,  yet  doubtless 
many  of  the  heavenly  host  were  witnesses  to  that  great  and 
typical  transaction  :  and  must  all  the  wisdom  of  God  manifested 
by  the  church,  as  the  Apostle  observes,  and  "  made  known, 
thereby  to  the  principalities  and  powers  in  heaven," — must,  I 
say,  all  the  prophecies,  types,  and  revelations,  as  well  as  their 
accomplishment,  remain  for  ever  the  subject  of  admiration  and 
praise  among  the  angels,  and  yet  "  the  spirits  of  just  men  made 
perfect,"  the  subjects  for  whom,  and'on  whom,  all  was  fulfilled, — 
must  they  only  be  locked  up  in  forgetfulness  ?  Are  they,  with 
ignorant  amazement,  to  hear  Gabriel  repeat  his  conversation 
with  Zechariah  ?  Or  does  he  in  vain  endeavour  to  stir  up  in 
Mary  a  remembrance  of  the  salutation  she  received  from  the 
same  bright  messenger  1  Shall  Moses  and  Elias  only  remem- 
ber the  scene  on  Mount  Tabor,  whilt  Peter,  James,  and  John 


152  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  v. 

remember  neither  it  nor  them  ?  If  you  say,  doubtless  every 
scene  relating  to  the  Saviour  will  be  remembered,  but  we  shall 
not  remember  or  know  one  another.  I  answer,  The  one  can- 
not subsist  without  the  other.  If  Abraham  remembers  the  type 
in  Isaac,  with  the  exercise  of  his  faith  when  "he  hoped  against 
hope,"  he  must  remember  Sarah,  the  removal  of  Hagar,  with 
every  remarkable  circumstance  of  Isaac's  birth.  Will  it  not 
then  be  a  great  lessening  of  his  praise  and  triumph,  if  he  can- 
not know  whether  Isaac  and  Sarah  are  with  him  in  glory  ?  If 
you  carry  it  a  little  farther,  and  say,  doubtless  he  knows  they 
are  there ;  then  for  what  cause  can  he  be  forbid  knowing  and 
conversing  with  them  1  Or,  is  this  privilege  only  granted  to 
Moses  and  Elias,  who,  I  again  say,  doubtless  knew  each  other 
on  the  holy  mount  as  well  as  the  disciples  knew  them.  < 

Can  we  suppose  Adam  to  have  a  just  conception  of  the  incar- 
nation and  death  of  the  Messiah,  and  yet  to  forget  the  circum- 
stances of  his  own  fall,  which  occasioned  this  gracious  union  ? 
Must  he  not  then  remember  Eve,  and  eternally  rejoice  to  see 
how  the  Seed  of  the  woman  has  indeed  bruised  the  serpent's 
head  ?  The  account  of  the  rich  man  and  Lazarus  alone  is 
sufficient  to  answer  every  objection.  They  could  see  and  know 
each  other,  though  one  was  in  heaven  and  the  other  in  hell,— 
consequently  each  could  see  all  on  earth.  Abraham  knew  the 
state  and  situation  of  both  so  as  to  say,  Thou  hast  had  thy 
good  things  and  Lazarus  his  evil  things.  And  the  rich  man 
could  remember  his  Jive  brethren.  If  you  object  and  say  this 
was  a  parable,  (which  there  is  no  room  to  assert,)  would  our 
adorable  Lord  put  forth  a  parable  full  of  deceptions  and  wrong 
ideas,  suited  to  lead  us  into  error  rather  than  truth  1  I  do  not 
wonder  a  poor  Heathen  should  dream  of  a  river  of  forgetfulness, 
by  drinking  of  which  all  former  scenes  were  to  be  lost  in 
oblivion.  But  for  a  soul  enlightened  by  revelation,  to  forget 
that  a  day  is  coming  in  which  every  secret  thing  shall  be 
made  known,  is  indeed  a  melancholy  proof  that  darkness  hath 
covered  the  earth,  and  gross  darkness  the  people. 

The  second  part  of  the  objection  we  will  now  consider. 
Some  have  alleged,  that  though  it  is  certain  we  shall  remem- 
ber and  know  one  another,  because  without  that  remembrance 
many  subjects  of  praise  would  be  lost  in  oblivion,  nevertheless 
will  not  all  particular  unions  cease,  and  is  it  not  the  design  of 
God  that  death  should  divide?  To  answer  this  objection,  I 
must  premise,  that  what  is  of  God  shall  stand.  I  plead  only 
for  that  union  which  has  God  for  its  source ;  and  I  think  it 
would  not  be  hard  to  prove,  that  what  God  hath  joined  together, 
death  cannot  put  asunder.  To  that  question,  therefore, — Is  it 
not  the  design  of  God  that  death  should  divide  us  ? — I  answer, 
Division  comes  not  from  God,  but  from  the  devil.  God,  both 
iu  Ms  nature  and  works,  is  perfect  unity,  and  his  original 


*ART  v.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  153 

design  for  our  first  parents  was  not  sorrow,  consequently  not 
separation.  If  we  suppose  their  friendship  was  not  to  have 
been  immortal,  we  must  suppose  pain  to  be  in  paradise ;  for 
Adam  could  not  without  pain  inform  Eve  of  such  an  awful 
secret,  that  when  they  had  praised  God  together  for  a  certain 
time,  they  must  eternally  forget  each  other !  That  he  should 
no  longer  remember  he  was  formed  out  of  the  dust,  nor  Eve 
'her  miraculous  and  near  relation  to  him!  Would  not  this 
information  have  been  a  bitter  draught  even  in  paradise  ?  Or 
suppose  he  had  said,  Though  we  shall  have  a  bare  remembrance 
of  each  transaction,  nevertheless  that  close  union,  that  endear- 
ing oneness  of  soul,  of  which  the  love  of  God  is  the  foundation, — 
that  very  union  hereafter  the  love  of  God  is  to  dissolve.  This 
would  indeed  have  been  in  itself  exceeding  bitter,  and  there- 
fore never  was  the  original  design  of  love.  It  was  sin  that 
brought  in  separation.  It  was  owing  to  the  hardness  of  our 
heart,  for  in  the  beginning  it  was  not  so ;  for  God  created  one 
man  and  one  woman.  Well  may  we,  therefore,  mourn  for  the 
separation  death  occasions ;  and  our  sorrow  is  countenanced  by 
Jesus  himself,  who  wept  over  the  ravage  of  this  dreadful  enemy, 
when  he  saw  the  consequences  of  it  in  Martha's  and  Mary's 
tears.  I  allow  that  it  is  true  most  unions  on  earth  are  dissolved 
by  death,  because  the  friendships  of  the  world  are  oft  confedera- 
cies of  vice,  or  leagues  of  pleasure  ;  and  few  can  add, 

"  OUTS  hath  severest  virtue  for  its  basis, 
And  such  a  friendship  ends  not  but  with  life." 

The  Christian  can  say  more  ;  it  ends  not  even  with  life.  In  the 
church  below  we  are  commanded  to  love  our  neighbour  as 
ourselves,  and  to  consider  our  fellow  Christians  as  members  of 
one  body ;  but  does  this  obligation  prevent  particular  unions  ? 
Let  that  soul  be  the  judge  who  hath  felt  most  of  the  love  of 
God  and  his  neighbour.  For  otherwise,  there  is,  indeed,  a  love 
of  propriety,  or,  in  other  words,  self-love  reflected,  which  purity 
of  heart  will  remove.  But  as  similitude  joins,  and  dissimilitude 
separates,  so  those  spirits  who  are  joined  by  their  similitude 
of  love  and  pure  worship,  who  having  been  led  in  one  path, 
(and  probably  prepared  for  one  mansion,)  can  as  easily  retain 
a  peculiar  union  without  any  diminution  of  their  love  to  others, 
as  a  married  couple  can  retain  their  love  to  each  other,  not- 
withstanding they  have  a  dozen  children  to  share  it  with  them. 
My  experience  in  the  love  of  God  is  very  shallow  ;  yet  I  have 
felt  enough  to  satisfy  me,  that  the  more  our  love  to  God 
increases,  the  nearer  will  be  our  love  to  each  other,  and  the 
more  indissoluble  the  tie ;  and  the  stronger  this  union,  the 
more  it  will  reflect  on  all  around ;  and  turning  to  its  source, 
the  love  of  Jesus  will  reflect  back  again  With  a  perpetual 
increasing  purity. 
But  I  build  my  strongest  argument  on  those  words,  O  death. 


154  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V. 

where  is  thy  sting?  O  grave,  where  is  thy  victory  ?  If  death 
can  eternally  separate  kindred  spirits,  it  hath  eternally  a  sting ! 
And  if  the  grave  can  eternally  retain  the  body,  it  would  have 
an  eternal  victory.  But  there  is  a  covenant  made  with  ov 
dust.  His  elect  shall  be  gathered  from  the  four  winds. 
Bone  shall  come  to  its  bone,  and  not  one  forget  its  socket. 
And  shall  nothing  be  lost  but  our  spiritual  union  ?  Shall  the 
grand  enemy  still  have  that  one  trophy  left  to  glory  in,  and  to* 
insult  over  the  saints  of  God  ]  Shall  we  believe  him  when  he 
says,  "A  day  is  coming  in  which  your  closest  unions,  your 
purest  ties  of  friendship,  shall  be  no  more  !  All  that  wonderful 
chain  of  providences,  in  which  angels  were  employed  in  bring- 
ing you  together,  shall  be  sunk  in  eternal  oblivion !  Indeed 
this  was  not  the  original  design  of  the  Almighty ;  but  I  have 
overturned  this  one  great  design  of  love,  and  that  so  effectually, 
that  the  Saviour  himself  could  not  restore  it ;  and  instead  of 
having  abolished  all  the  consequences  of  death,  it  leaves  the 
scar  of  separation  for  ever !  Now  I  am  the  father  of  death, 
and  have  so  far  conquered,  that  what  God  hath  in  design  eter- 
nally joined  together,  I  have  eternally  put  asunder !"  Ah,  no  ! 
glory  be  to  our  victorious  Conqueror !  death  shall  be  for  ever 
swallowed  up  in  complete  victory !  He  hath  abolished  it, 
with  all  its  consequences,  and  brought  life  and  immortality 
to  light  by  the  Gospel.  He  hath  broken  down  the  wall, 
removed  the  veil ;  and  through  him  we  are  come  to  the  church 
of  the  first-born,  to  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect. 
We  are  fellow  citizens  with  the  saints,  and  of  the  household 
of  God !  And  having  overcome  the  sharpness  of  death,  he 
hath  already  opened  the  kingdom  of  heaven  to  all  believers. 
Perhaps  some  may  say,  But  if  it  be  thus,  why  do  not  the 
Scriptures  plainly  tell  us,  death  is  no  division  but  on  our  side  ; 
and  that  our  friends  still  see,  hear,  and  are  about  us?  I 
answer, — There  may  be  many  reasons  why  a  veil  should  be 
drawn  over  this  heavenly  secret.  It  is  probable  the  primitive 
church  knew  it  more  perfectly ;  but  what  was  the  consequence  1 
When  they  left  their  first  love,  they  no  longer  held  the  Head, 
but  ran  into  the  false  humility  of  the  worship  of  angels,  instead 
of  worshipping  God  only,  and  adoring  him  for  the  angelic 
ministry.  Perhaps  some  communion  with  departed  spirits 
caused  the  first  step  into  the  egregious  errors  of  the  Papists  ; 
and  man,  ever  prone  to  extremes,  knew  not  how  to  throw 
away  the  abuse,  without  throwing  away  the  use  of  this  hea- 
venly secret.  Nevertheless,  "  The  secret  of  the  Lord  is  still 
with  the  righteous,  and  his  ear  is  open  to  their  prayers. 
He  will  manifest  himself  to  them,  though  not  unto  the 
world ;"  and  he  will  grant  to  heavenly  minds,  when  he  sees 
good,  a  heavenly  communication  with  the  church  triumphant. 
About  this  time  I  had  a  letter  from  my  brother-in-law,  De  la 


PART  V.]  MRS,   FLETCHER.  155 

Flechere,  in  Switzerland,  letting  me  know  that  his  son  was 
coming  to  England,  and  he  wished  him  to  spend  some  time 
with  me ;  hoping  the  sight  of  the  place  on  which  his  dear 
uncle  had  spent  so  many  years'  labour,  might,  with  the  bless- 
ing of  God,  raise  some  thoughts  in  his  mind  of  the  importance 
of  a  rehgipus  life.  I  laid  the  matter  before  the  Lord,  believino- 
he  would  order  all  right ;  for  ever  since  the  removal  of  my 
oeloved  husband,  I  have  so  experienced  the  effects  of  his  last 
prayer,  "Head  of  the  church,  be  head  to  my  wife,"  that  I'was 
not  permitted  to  doubt  that  all  concerning  me  was  under  the 
Lord's  immediate  direction.  And  though  my  state  was  not  for 
the  present  joyous,  yet,  through  all,  I  inwardly  believed  the 
hairs  of  my  head  were  numbered.  Some  particular  circum- 
stances, however,  caused  me  to  think  it  was  the  order  of  God 
I  should  go  to  Bristol,  Bath,  and  some  other  places,  and  that 
now  was  the  time ;  for  after  my  return,  it  might  be  that  the 
Lord  had  something  for  me  to  do  or  to  suffer  here. 

Since  my  marriage  I  had  travelled  a  good  deal  with  my  dear 
Mr.  Fletcher,  and  in  these  journeys  had  often  suffered  much 
through  needless  fears ;  the  most  predominant  passion  of  my 
soul  by  nature.  And  what,  thought  I,  should  such  a  poor 
creature  as  J  do  with  only  Sally,  and  under  some  disadvantages 
I  had  not  then  1  But  still  I  believed  it  to  be  the  call  of  God.  ; 
At  the  time  I  had  appointed  to  set  out,  there  was  an  appear- 
ance of  much  snow,  which  caused  my  friends  to  advise  me  to 
put  off  my  journey  a  little  longer ;  but  as  this  would  have 
deranged  some  plans,  I  thought  it  better  to  follow  the  course 
•which  I  had  fixed.  When  all  was  ready,  and  I  was  waiting 
for  the  carriage,  I  cast  my  eyes  on  the  Bible  which  lay  open 
before  me,  at  the  thirty-fourth  psalm.  Much  of  it  was  applied 
to  my  heart ;  in  particular  these  words  :  O  magnify  the  Lord 
with  me,  and  let  us  exalt  his  name  together.  I  sought  the 
//ord,  and  he  heard  me,  and  delivered  me  from  all  my  fears. 
*  aith  sprung  up  in  -my  heart.  I  said.  It  shall  be  fulfilled ;  and 
,rom  that  hour  I  have  felt  such  a  change,  in  regard  to  fear,  as 
I  can  give  no  one  an  idea  of,  unless  they  should  have  suffered 
as  I  have  done,  from  the  same  infirmity. 

All  the  way  as  I  went  through  various  things,  which  would 
once  have  been  very  painful,  I  could  feel  those  words  my  own, 
which  for  so  many  years  I  had  longed  after,  viz.  that  "  Resig- 
nation left  me  no  room  for  fear."  No ;  "  The  angel  of  the 
Lord  encampeth  round  about  them  that  fear  him,  and  deliver- 
eth  them." 

Many  providences  I  met  with  in  my  journey,  and  very  clearly 
did  I  see  the  hand  of  the  Lord  in  various  places  and  things. 
While  I  was  at  Bristol,  in  the  house  of  my  kind  and  affection- 
ate friend,  sister  Johnson,  I  was  agreeably  surprised  with  the 
sight  of  Mr.  H***,  who  had  left  his  native  place,  'and  was  just 


156  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V. 

come  to  settle  at  Bristol,  because  he  believed  it  most  profitable 
for  his  soul.  He  presented  me  to  his  wife,  a  serious  woman, 
saying,  My  dear,  this  is  your  mother  also,  for  she  is  mine ; 
and  both  assured  me  of  their  determination  to  be  entirely 
devoted  to  God.  As  there  was  something  singular  in  this 
affair,  I  wfll  mention  the  particulars.  In  the  journey  which  I 
took  with  sister  Ryan  to  Clifton,  for  her  health,  when  I  was 
about  the  age  of  twenty-seven,  we  lodged  in  a  house  where  the 
tamily  were  very  ungodly.  There  was  only  my  sick  friend, 
myself,  and  the  nurse ;  and  our  whole  apartments  consisted  of 
two  chambers.  After  we  had  been  there  two  or  three  days, 
we  observed  some  things  which  we  did  not  like  very  well. 
One  night  there  was  a  strange  noise  below  stairs,  as  of  very 
rattling,  wild  company.  It  may  be  supposed  it  did  not  well 
agree  with  my  sorrowful  heart ;  for  at  that  season  I  had  nothing 
to  expect  (humanly  speaking)  but  to  bury  my  dear  friend  there, 
or  carry  her  back  in  a  coffin, — only  she  had  various  promises 
to  the  contrary,  which  sometimes  I  believed,  and  sometimes 
doubted.  On  inquiring  next  morning,  they  informed  us  that 
"  Mr.  H***  was  come,  and  now  they  should  be  all  alive."  I 
had  before  asked  the  family  (who  did  not  appear  to  be  persons 
of  the  best  character)  if  they  would  choose  to  come  up  into  my 
room  in  the  morning  to  family  prayer,  as  they  were  only  women  ? 
But  they  never,  as  I  remember,  accepted  the  invitation.  How- 
ever, some  days  after  the  above  mentioned  racket,  they  sent 
me  word,  "If  I  pleased,  Mr.  H***  and  themselves  would  wait 
on  me  to  prayer  the  next  morning."  I  did  not  dare  to  refuse, 
and  answered,  they  were  welcome.  God  only  knew  what  a 
cross  I  felt  in  so  doing !  I  had  all  the  reason  that  could  be,  to 
think  they  only  wanted  to  divert  themselves ;  and  the  receiving 
a  wild  young  gentleman,  with  such  gay  ladies,  into  my  bed- 
chamber, seemed  to  me  a  strange  enterprise.  The  chapter  1 
chose  to  read  was  the  twenty-fifth  of  Matthew.  I  spoke  with 
freedom  on  each  of  the  parables,  and  found  God  was  with  my 
mouth.  I  did  not  much  look  off  the  book,  till  about  the  middle 
of  the  parable  of  the  talents,  I  cast  my  eyes  toward  Mr.  H***, 
and  was  surprised  to  find  his  earnestly  fixed  on  me,  and  swim- 
ming with  tears.  When  prayer  was  over,  he  respectfully 
returned  me  thanks,  and  went  down  stairs.  After  attending 
three  mornings,  he  stopped  behind  the  family,  and  told  me, 
when  they  were  gone,  that  he  was  convinced  he  had  led  a  bad 
Jife,  and  he  wished  to  learn  how  to  do  better ;  that  he  was 
free  from  all  business,  had  a  good  fortune,  and  \yas  only  here 
accidentally ;  and  if  I  would  tell '  him  where  he  could  get 
instruction,  and  help  for  his  soul,  he  would  go  -any  where ; 
•"  for  this  house,"  said  he,  "  I  must  leave."  From  the  first 
morning  there  was  no  more  noise,  singing,  breaking  glasses,  or 
rude  behaviour  of  any  kind.  As  my  friend  grew  worse,  we 


TART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  157 

were  desired  to  leave  Clifton,  and  try  Bath.  There  she 
recovered  to  admiration ;  and  in  a  short  time  we  returned  to 
the  orphan  house  at  Laytonstone.  Mr.  H***  made  good  his 
words ;  and  cultivating  the  friendship  of  some  pious  persons 
whom  we  had  recommended  to  him  in  London,  particularly 
brother  George  Clark,  he  became  much  confirmed  in  the  truth ; 
and  hath  ever  since  remained  a  follower  thereof,  and  a  promoter 
of  the  prosperity  of  Zion.  At  Bristol  also  I  met  with  poor 
Fanny,*  much  grown  in  grace,  and  adorning  her  profession. 
And  after  a  month's  absence,  I  was  brought  again  in  peace  to 
Madeley,  and  constrained  to  say 

"  In  all  my  ways  his  hand  I  own ; 
His  ruling  providence  I  see." 

I  now  found  my  dear  love's  relations  in  Switzerland  laid 
greatly  on  my  mind  in  prayer ;  and  sometimes  when  engaged 
therein,  it  has  seemed  to  me  as  if  his  dear  spirit  so  joined  with 
me,  as  I  cannot  express ;  and  for  his  nephew  in  particular, 
whom  I  expected,  I  was  greatly  drawn  out  in  intercession. 

Being  poorly  one  Saturday  night,  about  ten  o'clock,  (the  last 
week  in  May,)  I  was  about  retiring  to  bed,  when  word  was 
brought  me  that  my  nephew  was  arrived.  He  could  speak  but 
little  English,  and  I  but  little  French.  This  was  the  first  I 
had  seen  of  my  dear  husband's  relations.  He  was  of  his  own 
name,  his  godson,  and  his  only  nephew.  But,  alas !  I  now 
received  him  alone,  and  instead  of  showing  him  his  dear  uncle, 
and  sweet  instructor,  I  could  only  lead  him  to  the  silent  tomb, 
and  say,  "  Live  as  he  lived,  and  thou  shalt  die  as  he  died." 

I  found  him,  as  I  expected,  quite  carnal,  and  very  averse  to 
the  things  of  God.  As  my  spirits  were  very  weak,  and  his 
pretty  high,  I  wished  to  have  him  rather  as  a  visiter  than  one 
of  my  family ;  and  Providence  so  appointed  for  me.  Mr.  Home, 
the  curate,  understanding  French,  kindly  offered  to  receive  him 
into  his  house,  until  he  was  more  perfect  in  the  English  lan- 
guage. I  soon  discovered  he  was  of  a  sweet  temper,  a  fine 
understanding,  and  outwardly  very  moral ;  but  withal  a  strong 
Deist ;  and  as  he  delighted  much  in  philosophy,  he  placed  such 
confidence  therein,  as  to  believe  he  could  set  us  all  right,  if  he 
might  have  but  five  hours'  dispute  with  us. 

I  inquired  of  the  Lord  concerning  the  method  I  should  use 
toward  him ;  and  saw,  for  the  present,  I  was  only  called  to 
shcrtv  him  condescension  and  love — to  consider  myself  as  his 
servant  in  Christ,  and  therefore  to  stand  always  ready  to  take 
up  my  cross,  and  in  every  thing  innocent  to  do  his  will  rather 
than  my  own.  And  as  I  could  not  say  much  to  him  in  words, 
I  must  the  more  endeavour  to  show  him,  by  the  example  of 

*  The  Jewess  mentioned  in  the  farmer  visit 
14 


158  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  v. 

myself  and  family,  that  religion  justly  bears  the  character  given 
Jier  in  those  words : — 

"  Mild,  sweet,  serene  and  tender  is  her  mode, 

Nor  grave  with  sternness,  nor  with  lightness  free: 
Against  example  resolutely  good ; 
Fervent  in  zeal  and  warm  in  charity." 

It  appeared  to  me  as  if  those  four  lines  were  given  me  as  a 
direction  which  I  must  ever  keep  before  my  eyes.  And  much 
did  I  plead  with  the  Lord,  that  nothing  he  saw  in  me,  or  mine, 
might  tend  to  set  him  farther  off  from  God.  When  we  could 
converse  in  English  with  tolerable  ease,  I  perceived  he  had  not 
only  imbibed  many  wrong  sentiments,  but  had  such  a  stock  of 
Pharisaical  righteousness  as  I  scarcely  ever  met  with  before. 

One  day,  as  he  was  talking  in  his  free  way,  about  the  truths 
of  the  Gospel,  a  friend  said,  "  If  your  aunt  hears  you  talk  at  this 
rate  she  will  be  much  grieved."  He  replied,  "  But  I  will  not 
say  these  things  to  her ;  though  should  my  aunt  talk  much  to 
me  about  religion,  I  fear  I  shall  not  keep  my  temper :  for  my 
uncle  drove  many  people  mad  when  he  was  abroad.  I  do 
believe  there  were  three  hundred  who  were  quite  mad !  They 
talked  of  being  filled  with  love,  and  kept  praying  and  running 
together,  not  only  while  he  was  there,  but  since  that  time  also." 

Hearing  of  this,  I  said,  "  Tell  him  I  will  promise  to  keep  my 
temper  whether  he  does  or  not,  for  my  love  to  him  has  a  better 
foundation  than  he  can  shake."  In  order  to  improve  in  the 
English  language,  he  proposed  to  read  to  me  some  hours  in  a 
day ;  and  I  was  to  choose  the  books.  Mr.  Wesley  was  so 
kind  as  to  send  him  Beatty's  Evidences  of  the  Christian 
Religion,  which  he  read  with  some  pleasure :  but  as  yet  his 
heart  remained  untouched. 

I  was  very  conscious  I  had  none  of  that  wisdom  which  in 
cases  of  this  kind  is  often  very  useful ;  and  where  it  is  joined 
with  divine  unction,  does  beautifully  illustrate  the  truths  it 
endeavours  to  defend.  But  that  word  was  remembered  with 
pleasure,  "I  will  choose  the  foolish  things  of  the  world  to  con- 
found the  wisdom  of  the  wise."  And  again,  "My  strength 
shall  be  made  perfect  in  weakness." 

Well,  thought  I,  if  I  have  no  philosophical  arguments  to 
bring,  I  will  so  much  the  more  cry  to  the  strong  for  strength. 
I  cannot  do  with  the  armour  I  have  not  proved :  but  the  stone 
of  conviction,  and  the  sling  of  faith,  is  that  which  I  must 
depend  on ;  and  when  these  are  directed  by  the  Spirit  of  God, 
nothing  can  stand  against  them. 

Many  of  the  Protestants  in  Switzerland  are  Deists ;  they  are 
nevertheless  very  strict  in  bringing  the  young  people  to  the 
communion ;  and  they  esteem  it  a  reproach  to  do  otherwise. 
My  nephew  expressed  a  desire  of  joining  with  us  in  that  mean 
of  grace  ;  for  having  been  from  home  some  years  at  the  uni- 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER. 

versity,  he  had  not  yet  been  brought  to  the  table.    Mr.  Home 
told  him  freely  his  scruples  in  receiving  him  as  a  communi- 
cant ;  but  after  much  conversation,  he  perceived  a  degree  o 
conviction,  and  a  desire  to  know  the  truth,  and  consented  to 
admit  him.  .. 

The  first  time  he  came  to  the  table,  as  he  was  kneeling 
beside  me,  and  Mr.  Home  was  speaking  those  words,  "The 
blood  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ  which  was  shed  for  thee 
found  such  a  power  of  prayer  spring  up  in  my  heart,  it  seemed 
as  if  I  claimed  a  ray  of  the  divinity  just  then  to  penetrate  his 
soul.  He  hath  since  told  me,  he  felt  something  very  particular 
at  that  moment.  My  greatest  difficulty,  however,  lay  here,  he 
did  not  believe  the  Scriptures.  I  was  therefore  cut  off  from 
drawinor  any  arguments  from  them,  and  could  only  hold  to  this, 
the  necessity  of  a  change,  in  order  to  be  capable  of  enjoying 
the  Supreme  Being. 

I  observed  to  him,  You  believe  heaven  to  be  a  state,  and  a 
place  of  holiness,  and  the  happiness  there  to  be  separate  from 
all  sin  ;— is  there  not  then  an  absolute  need  of  having  a  dispo- 
sition suited  thereto?— This  he  readily  allowed;  but  added, 
"  Then  I  will  make  myself  this  new  creature.  The  buprenn 
Beino-  hath  not  left  his  work  imperfect.  He  hath  given  me 
powers  sufficient,  if  I  do  but  use  them  ;  and  if  I  am  to  do  a 
by  this  grace  of  God,  as  you  say,  then  what  has  God  to  thank 
me  for  ?"  I  endeavoured  to  convince  him  of  our  utter  helpless- 
ness, except  through  that  assistance  which  we  draw  from  union 
with  God  through  the  Saviour,  without  whom  we  cannot  do  any 
thing.  He  replied,  "  Indeed,  aunt,  that  is  not  my  case.— -1  do 
not  know  how  it  may  be  with  others,  but  for  me,  I  do  assure 
you,  there  is  no  snare  I  cannot  avoid,  nor  any  passion  1  cannot 

As  he  abhorred  the  doctrine  of  the  fall  as  much  as  that  of  the 
divinity  of  our  Lord,  I  did  not  speak  often  on  those  heads.  I 
Boucrht  rather  to  convince  him  he  was  fallen,  whether  through 
Adam,  or  any  other  way,  and  that  he  was  a  sinner  and  unfit  for 
heaven:  and  narrowly  did  I  watch  for  every  opportunity  o 
pointing  out  any  disposition  that  would  help  to  prove  my  argu- 
ment, though  it  was  very  difficult  to  bring  him  to  a  conscious- 
ness of  any.  At  last  I  observed  he  had  an  abhorrence  of  the 
sin  of  envy,  and  a  sensibility  of  having  felt  it.  I  then,  on  every 
proper  occasion,  enlarged  on  the  happiness  of  the  blest,  as  con- 
sisting in  love,  the  very  contrary  to  selfishness,  which  was  the 
principle  from  which  envy  took  its  life  ;  and  therefore  he  must 
become  a  new  creature  to  enter  into  that  state.  This  he  now 
began  to  see,  and  sometimes  to  feel ;  but  all  my  hopes  appear- 
ed to  be  overturned  at  once,  by  a  circumstance  which  occurrei 
He  had  fixed  his  affections  on  a  lady,  from  whom  about  tl 
time  he  thought  he  received  some  encouragement.  Elated 


160  THE  LIFE   OF  [PART  V. 

with  joy,  he  was  carried  out  of  himself!  Thc?e  was  nothing 
left  for  me  to  take  hold  of.  He  had  no  ear  tc  ,iear  but  on  one 
subject. — I  returned  to  a  silent  waiting  before  uhe  Lord. 

One  night  about  the  beginning  of  November,  I  dreamed  I 
was  in  a  church,  standing  by  a  communion  table,  on  which  lay 
a  large  Common  Prayer  Book,  open  in  the  service  of  matri- 
mony. I  observed  it  was  all  marked,  as  my  dear  husband  used 
to  mark  those  books  he  much  approved.  I  beheld  it  with  plea- 
sure, for  being  near  the  12th  of  November,  I  took  it  as  a  token 
that  he  remembered  with  approbation  the  transaction  of  that 
day, — our  marriage.  I  was  conscious  of  the  presence  of  hifi 
dear  spirit,  as  sent  to  communicate  something  to  me.  As  I 
looked  on  the  book,  he  signified  to  me  the  whole  was  emble- 
matic, though  few  entered  into  the  spirituality  of  it :  adding, 
"  This  is  a  great  mystery  :  I  speak  concerning  Christ  and  the 
church."  As  I  cast  my  eyes  on  that  word,  "  Who  giveth  this 
woman  to  this  man  V  he  pointed  me  to  that  text,  "  None 
cometh  to  the  Son  but  whom  the  Father  draweth."  As  nothing 
was  spoken  in  words,  it  is  difficult  to  describe  the  ideas  which 
were  conveyed  to  my  mind.  A  gleam  of  light  seemed  to  break 
forth  in  my  soul,  by  which  I  discovered  in  how  full  a  sense  the 
souls  of  the  redeemed  are  given  by  the  Father  to  the  Son,  as 
his  bride !  I  then  thought  on  those  words,  "  The  marriage  of 
the  Lamb  is  come,  and  nis  wife  hath  made  herself  ready."  In 
this  acceptable  moment,  my  nephew  came  to  my  mind.  I  said 
with  a  groan,  O  for  our  nephew !  Immediately  I  saw  a  little 
bird  fly  round  and  round.  I  said,  That  is  the  emblem  of  rny 
nephew's  spirit.  If  it  come  to  me  and  I  take  it  up,  his  soul 
will  be  given  unto  me.  I  had  no  sooner  spoke  the  word,  but  it 
came  and  alighted  on  the  table  before  me.  I  took  it  up,  stroked 
it,  and  let  it  fly  again.  A  thought  then  struck  my  mind, — O, 
but  he  does  not  believe  the  Scriptures  !  The  bird  came,  and  1 
took  it  up  the  second  time.  As  it  flew  again,  I  thought,  O, 
but  he  does  not  believe  in  the  divinity  of  our  Lord !  Imme- 
diately it  returned,  and  I  took  it  up  a  third  time.  I  no  more 
saw  it  flying,  but  a  beautiful  large  bird  stood  with  great  solem- 
nity before  me,  and  I  awoke. 

As  I  was  in  prayer  a  little  time  after  the  above  dream,  these 
words  bore  on  my  mind,  "He  setteth  the  solitary  in  families, 
and  maketh  them  households  as  a  flock  of  sheep."  Also, 
"Thy  sons  shall  come  from  far; 'and  thy  daughters  shall  be 
unrsed  at  thy  side."  It  was  on  the  Monday  night  I  had  the 
dream  here  related ;  and  on  the  following  Friday,  my  nephew- 
received  a  flat  denial  from  the  before-mentioned  lady.  Here 
all  his  philosophy  and  boasted  reason  failed.  He  was  as  one 
driven  to  desperation.  The  next  night  he  told  me  all  his  heart, 
saying,  "  O  aunt !  if  you  could  see  into  ray  breast,  you  would 
see  how  troubled  I  am  for  the  pain  I  have  caused  you.  But 


V.J  MRg.   FLETCHER.  181 

now  I  see  you  are  in  the  right—  No  !  we  cannot  do  without  the 
help  of  God.—  I  thought  I  could  conquer  every  passion,  but 
now  I  find  they  are  taller  and  bigger  than  I."  After  telling  me 
now  many  trials  and  disappointments  he  had  met  with  in  life, 
he  added,  "  Do,  dear  aunt,  pray  with  me."  I  did  so,  he  weep- 
ing all  the  time  with  groans.  When  we  rose  from  our  knees, 
he  said,  "Ah!  I  am  in  the  wrong,  I  thought  all  religion  stood 
m  the  abhorrence  of  outward  evil  !  but  now  I  see  there  is  some- 
thing more."  I  told  him  my  dream  ;  when  I  carne  to  that  part 
of  it  relating  to  himself,  he  was  much  moved,  and  said,  "O, 
aunt,  if  it  depend  on  me,  it  shall  be  accomplished,  indeed  it 
shall. 

The  next  morning,  he  told  me,  that  after  we  had  parted  the 
last  night,  as  he  was  striving  to  pray,  he  found  all  his  troubles 
gone,  and  felt  for  a  few  moments  such  a  tranquillity  as  he  had 
never  known  before.  Bui:  his  trouble,  as  well  as  his  reluctance 
to  believe,  returned  again  :  yet  with  this  difference,—  he  had 
now  a  consciousness  that  he  was  wrong,  and  expressed  a  great 
desire  to  know  and  embrace  the  truth. 

From  some  concurring  circumstances,  I  believed  it  to  be  the 
order  of  God  to  invite  him  to  live  with  me  the  remainder  of  the 
..ime  he  had  to  stay  in  England  ;  but  remembering  what  a  friend 
had  said,  "I  cannot  converse  with  him  any  more  ;  he  tears 
open  all  the  wounds  of  unbelief;"—!  said,  "  Lord,  shall  it  be 
so  with  me  ?"  and  was  answered  by  the  application  of  that  word 
to  my  mind,  "  I  will  not  send  you  a  warfare  at  your  own 
charges."  And  glory  be  to  my  adorable  Lord,  so  it  proved  : 
tor  all  he  could  say  served  but  to  light  up  a  fresh  candle  in  my 
soul!  Every  time  I  read  the  Scriptures,  a  new  lustre  shone  on 
every  part,  and  the  divine  evidence  rose  higher  and  higher  in 
my  heart.  I  could  now  observe  he  heard  with  deep  attention  • 
and  one  day  he  said  to  me,  "Aunt,  it  is  not  now  that  I  will  not 
believe,  but  that  I  cannot  ;  for  when  you  read  the  chapter  night 
and  morning,  and  tell  your  thoughts  upon  it,  it  seems  unanswer- 
able. Jiut  then  something  comes—  some  thoughts,—  I  do  not 
seek  them,  but  they  come  and  throw  me  all  back  aouin. 

His  state  was  now  very  uncomfortable.  Sometimes  he  was 
just  ready  to  receive  the  Scriptures  as  truth  :  then  a  variety  of 
objections  would  start  up  in  his  mind,  and  cause  him  to  cry  out 
How  can  these  things  be  1"  If  we  cannot  be  saved  without 
believing  that  Jesus  is  God,  why  did  he  live  and  die  in  such 
obscurity  ?  Would  not  a  merciful  Being  have  rendered  every 
thing  quite  clear  that  he  required  his  creatures  to  believe,  upon 
pain  of  their  salvation  ?*  He  added  many  arguments  frequently 
used  by  Deists,  such  as,  "How  clearly  doth  the  whole  crea- 

+  The  God  of  infinite  mercy,  justice,  and  truth,  has  madt  all  dear     The 
nces  or  hu  being  are  not  stronger  than  the  nidentet  of  the  relieion  he  ha* 
t&uefli  —  bo 


bo, 

14* 


162  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V. 

tion  prove  a  Supreme  Creator !  The  day  and  night,  the  sun  and 
moon,  and  all  creatures !  We  cannot  help  believing  they  have 
a  Maker.  Why  is  not  the  divinity  of  Jesus  Christ  made  as 
easy  to  be  believed  as  these  things  ?"  I  replied,  the  belief  of 
those  things  you  have  mentioned,  are  by  the  outward  senses ; 
but  religion  is  an  inward  principle,  which  God  must  open  in 
our  souls,  and  which  changes  every  power  and  passion  thereof. 
If  all  you  are  to  believe  could  be  comprehended  by  the  outward 
senses,  the  greatest  sinners  might  be  as  good  believers  as  the 
most  holy  persons.  But  the  sense  which  God  opens  in  the 
soul,  and  which  we  call  faith,  makes  you  acquainted  with 
spiritual  things,  and  capable  of  communion  with  God.  He 
then  answered  in  haste,  "  God  hath  never  opened  such  a 
sense  in  my  soul,  and  of  course  he  will  not  condemn  me  for 
not  using  a  power  he  hath  not  given."  True  (said  I)  it  is  not 
opened  in  you  ;  but  it  is  because  you  shut  your  eyes  and  heart 
against  it.  Your  state  is  exactly  descried  in  the  word  of  God. 
whether  you  will  believe  it  or  no.  This  came  Jesus  whom  you 
have  despised,  was  "to  the  Jews  a  stumblujg  block,  and  to  the 
wise  Greeks  foolishness,  but  to  us  who  believe,"  we  feel  him  to 
be  "the  wisdom  of  God,  and  the  power  of  God." 

It  was  a  precious  time  to  my  own  soul ;  I  had  such  a  sweet 
view  of  the  whole  plan  of  redemption !  A  ray  of  light  shone 
upon  the  amazing  wisdom,  as  well  as  love,  contained  therein, 
and  filled  my  heart  with  a  sweet  liberty,  while  I  was  attempt- 
ing to  lay  before  him  the  hidden  glories  of  the  adorable  Jesus, 
when  he  appeared  without  form  or  comeliness,  and  by  his  deep 
humiliation  marked  out  all  our  way !  How  well  suited  this  plan 
of  salvation  was  to  break  down  the  high  aspiring  thoughts  ot 
man,  and  to  bring  him  into  that  absolute  dependence,  and  per- 
fect submission,  which  make  the  joys  of  heaven !  I  observed 
also,  that  a  far  greater  salvation  was  wrought  out  for  us,  and  a 
far  greater  glory  would  redound  to  God,  by  this  wonderful  act 
of  free  grace,  than  could  have  been  if  we  had  never  needed 
such  a  Saviour. 

I  now  daily  discerned  some  advances — he  gave  back  more 
and  more ;  and  the  word  of  God  began  to  be  more  honourable 
in  his  eyes.  But  yet  he  would  say,  "Every  man  hath  the  right 
of  private  judgment.  Can  I  not  be  saved  without  believing  on 
Jesus  Clirist  1  If  I  address  my  prayers  to  the  Supreme  Being, 
and  strive  to  obey  him,  why  should  I  be  condemned  for  not 
believing  what  I  cannot  understand  1"  To  this  1  answered, 
"God  so  loved  the  world,  that  he  gave  his  only-begotten  Son. 
that  all  who  believe  on  him  should  not  perish,  but  have  ever 
lasting  life."  Now.  said  I,  there  is  the  condition :  "If  you  be 
lieve  on  him  %vhom  the  Father  hath  given."  He  seemed  in  * 
struggle  to  believe,  and  said  with  vehemence,  "  But  I  cannot 
believe  God  would  become  a  man,  and  die  for  me.  I  am  not 


PART  V.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  163 

worthy  of  it.  The  thought  is  absurd !  Why,  aunt,  if  I  were 
condemned  to  death,  do  you  believe  the  king  of  England  would 
die  to  save  my  life !"  No,  said  I,  I  believe  he  would  not.  "Now 
there  is  the  thing,"  replied  he, — "  you  start  at  the  thought  of 
the  king  dying  for  me ;  and  yet  you  want  me  to  believe  that 
God  hath  died  in  my  place!"* 

I  observed  the  different  relation  he  stood  in  to  God.  The 
king  (said  I)  did  not  create  you ;  you  are  not  his  offspring ; 
neither  can  the  love  of  a  finite  being  bear  any  comparison  with 
that  pure  unmixed  love  which  dwells  in  the  heart  of  God.  The 
king  did  not  voluntarily  take  all  your  condemnation  on  himself. 
But  the  Almighty  Saviour  has  done  so.  He  acts  by  us  as  if 
some  great  potentate  should  receive  into  his  favour  a  poor  beg- 
gar— make  her  his  spouse — take  all  her  debts  on  himself— 
give  her  a  right  to  his  treasures — a  part  in  his  throne — and  a 
share  in  all  his  titles.  "  Thus  God  so  loved  the  world,  that  he 
gave  his  only-begotten  Son,  that  whosoever  belie veth  on  him," 
should  by  virtue  of  that  union  inherit  all  things !  Here  is  the 
condition  ;  but  you  will  not  comply  therewith.  Only  suppose 
for  one  moment,  that  the  king  had  died  to  save  your  life ;  but 
that  when  you  was  informed  of  his  unparalleled  love,  you 
would  give  no  credit  thereto,  even  though  one  should  say  to 
you,  Only  look  through  this  glass  in  my  hand :  I  hold  it  to 
your  eye ;  only  look  through  it,  and  you  will  see  him  hang 
bleeding  there  !  But  you  turn  away  your  face  with  contempt, 
and  will  not  so  much  as  look  on  him  who  bleeds  for  you ! 
Would  you  not  in  that  case  be  a  monster  of  ingratitude  ?  Now 
this  word  of  God,  this  book,  is  the  glass  ;  if  with  simplicity  and 
prayer  you  look  into  it,  you  shall  there  discern  that  Supreme 
Being,  (whom  unknown  you  worship)  and  that  "  He  was  in 
Christ  reconciling  the  world  to  himself:  and  that  there  is  no 
other  name  given  under  heaven  whereby  you  can  be  saved." 

One  afternoon  as  he  was  reading  to  me,  I  pointed  him  to  the 
experience  of  brother  Story,  believing  it  was  suited  to  his  pre- 
sent state.  But  contrary  to  all  I  had  for  a  long  time  seen  in 
him,  he  appeared  quite  hard,  and  cavilled  at  almost  every  sen- 
tence. I  answered  his  objections  for  a  long  time,  till  I  was 
quite  spent.  Then  looking  solemnly  at  him,  with  tears  in  my 
eyes,  I  put  out  my  hand  to  take  the  book.  He  was  moved,  and 
said  tenderly, — "  What,  aunt !  What !  No !  I  will  read  any 
thing,  any  thing  you  give  me !  You  think  me  in  a  bad  spirit, 
aunt!"  I  replied,  Why,  my  dear,  I  do  not  think  you  are  in  a 
very  good  one.  That  book  does  not  suit  you  to  night.  He 
then  read  on,  till  he  came  to  a  part  very  applicable  to  his  pre- 
sent feelings.  He  dropped  the  book  at  once,  and  remained 
silent.  After  a  time  I  asked  him  what  was  the  matter?  H« 

*  What  a  genuine  instance  of  carnal  reasoning !— ED. 


164  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V. 

replied — "  I  know  not  what  is  the  matter !  I  feel  a  horrible  sen- 
sation !  O  what  do  I  ail !  How  have  I  been  speaking  to  you ! 
Dear  aunt,  the  more  kind  you  are,  the  more  ungrateful  I  am. 
What  is  the  matter  with  me )  I  am  worse  and  worse !"  I  strove 
to  comfort  him;  saying,  It  is  well;  the  Lord  is  beginning  to 
show  you  your  heart.  "Ah,"  replied  he,  "you  say  very  well, 
but  I  say  very  ill ;  for  I  am  worse  than  before  I  came  to  Eng- 
land. O,  I  am  ashamed  to  think  how  I  spent  my  life !  I  thought 
I  had  done  all  things  for  the  glory  of  God.  But  now  I  see  I 
have  done  all  for  myself,  and  to  please  myself  only."  After 
some  time  of  silence,  he  said,  "I  will  now  tell  you  what  I  have 
been  doing.  All  this  week  I  have  strove  to  address  my  pray- 
ere  to  Jesus  Christ,  as  you  advised  me,  but,  alas  !  I  am  more 
dull  and  cold  in  them  than  I  ever  felt  before !  O,  if  he  is  God, 
why  doth  he  not  help  me !  You  said,  aunt,  he  would  answer 
for  himself!"  Then  in  an  agony,  he  added,  "Why  does  he 
not  answer  ?  Why  does  he  not  answer  ?"  While  I  was  mak- 
ing a  few  observations  on  the  long  time  the  Lord  had  waited 
for  him,  &c,  Mr.  Home  came  in  to  meet  the  men's  class,  to 
which  he  was  that  night  to  go  up  for  the  first  time.  When  he 
came  down,  he  said  his  mind  was  more  composed,  and  he 
wished  he  had  frequented  that  meeting  before. 

After  supper,  being  alone,  we  renewed  our  conversation,  and 
I  repeatedly  assured  him  the  Lord  would  shine  upon  him  if  he 
would  only  persevere.  His  cry  was  still,  "Why  does  he  not 
answer  ]"  It  being  late,  we  parted.  I  then  went  again  to  the 
throne  of  grace,  to  pour  out  my  complaint  before  the  Lord.  I 
saw  we  were  come  to  a  point,  and  could  go  no  farther  without 
his  immediate  help.  I  had  staked  all  on  the  faithfulness  of  my 
God,  and  had  declared  the  answer  would  come :  and  now  there 
was  nothing  more  for  me  to  do,  but  to  obtain  it  of  the  Almighty. 
Sometimes  I  felt  all  faith  and  hope ;  at  others,  as  if  cold  water 
was  thrown  over  the  fire  of  expectation.  Satan  was  not  idle. 
He  suggested,  You  will  find  him  to-morrow  as  you  left  him  to 
Bight.  I  pleaded  with  the  Lord,  that  it  was  no  new  thing  I 
asked.  He  had  shown  his  approval  of  sacrifices  by  fire  from 
heaven ;  he  had  wrought  for  his  people ;  he  had  given  signs 
and  wonders !  "  His  arm  was  not  shortened,"  and  I  besought 
him  to  appear  in  such  a  manner  for  this  young  man,  as  should 
convince  him  of  the  truth.  Sometimes  I  felt  all  discourage- 
ment, but  I  did  not  mind  that :  I  knew  from  whence  ii  came. 
I  said,  Lord !  thy  word  stands  always  sure ;  it  is  not  my  feel- 
ings, but  thy  faithfulness,  that  I  depend  on.  Lord,  thou  hast 
said,  "  Whatsoever  ye  shall  ask  the  Father  in  my  name,  I  will 
do  it."  I  ask  this  in  thy  name !  I  leave  it  in  thy  hand,  assured 
of  the  answer.  The  next  morning  he  went  out  early.  On  his 
return  at  night,  he  said,  "  Aunt,  I  have  a  great  deal  to  tell  you. 
After  we  parted  last  night,  1  thought  I  would  pray ;  but  that  it 


PART  V.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  165 

was  right  to  consider  what  1  wanted  most.  Then  I  thought, 
why  I  want  most  light  on  thid  point,  about  Jesus  Christ.  But 
will  God  so  condescend  as  to  answer  me  ?  Then,  aunt,  I  heard 
a  voice  (not  with  my  ear,  but  I  did  hear  it,)  say,  Yes,  he  will. 
Then  I  began  and  made  prayer ; — and  an  hour  went  away  like 
a  minute,— and  I  could  say,  Through  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ! 
O  dear  aunt,  I  thought  I  must  have  come  up  and  told  vou,  but 
you  were  gone  to  bed.  And  again  I  thought,  may  be  "to-mor- 
row God  will  confirm  this.  And  so  he  has,  for  when  I  was  at 
Waters  Upton,  Mr.  G.  H.  began  to  make  pleasantry  of  the 
miracles  of  Jesus  Christ.  I  said  in  myself,  yesterday  I  could 
have  smiled  at  this,  and  heard  it  with  pleasure  ;  but  now  it  was 
a  horrible  sensation,  I  could  not  bear  it.  I  was  forced  to  go 
out  of  the  house.  Was  not  that  a  sign,  aunt,  that  there  is  some 
change  in  me  1" 

Soon  after,  he  had  a  particular  dream.  He  thought  he  was 
in  Switzerland,  and  attempting  to  converse  with  one  of  his  old 
acquaintances  on  the  things  of  God ;  but  was  much  surprised 
to  find  he  could  only  speak  in  English.  Afterward,  as  he  stood 
at  a  window  with  his  father,  he  saw  eight  full  moons  all  at 
once,  and  said  in  his  mind,  it  means  eight  months.  A  beauti- 
ful city  then  rose  up  before  his  eyes,  and  as  he  looked  thereon, 
he  beheld  a  lovely  appearance,  and  thought,  Is  that  St.  Joha  ?- 
He  looked,  till  dazzled  with  the  beams  of  glory  which  sur- 
rounded the  face,  as  it  passed  over  the  city,  he  cried  out,  See ! 
father,  see!  The  Lord  Jesus !  The  Lord  Jesus !  and  so  awoke. 
This  dream  seemed  to  make  a  deep  impression  on  him,  though 
he  attempted  no  explanation.  About  a  week  after  this,  com- 
ing  home  one  night  late,  from  visiting  a  sick  neighbour,  on  my 
inquiring  after  his  state,  he  answered,  "Aunt,  I  have  not  found 
the  evening  long,  for  1  have  been  in  deep  recollection  almost 
all  the  time  you  have  been  gone.  And  now  I  can  say,  'Faith 
is  the  evidence  of  things  unseen,'  for  if  I  had  seen  my  Lord,  I 
could  not  be  more  assured  than  I  am."  From  this  time  the 
change  has  been  more  and  more  evident.  He  attends  all  the 
meetings  with  me,  and  our  dear  friends  are  not  a  little  delight- 
ed to  hear  the  nephew  and  godson  of  their  beloved  minister, 
telling,  in  his  broken  English,  that  his  eyes,  which  had  long 
been  accustomed  to  see  darkness,  do  now  behold  the  light  of 
the  Lord. 

Some  time  after,  writing  to  a  friend,  he  uses  these  words, 
"  I  have  altogether  left  Mr.  Home's  house,  though  fully  satis- 
fied with  all  there ;  but  it  would  have  been  very  disagreeable 
to  me  to  have  been  forced  to  ride  daily,  and  at  night,  over  one 
of  the  worst  roada  in  the  kingdom.  I  have  now  for  three 
months  enjoyed  the  happiness  of  living  with  my  aunt,  and  I 
feel  more  and  more  the  immense  obligation  which  I  owe  to  her, 
not  only  for  all  the  temporal  care  she  hath  taken  for  me,  but 


166  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

much  more  for  the  blessing  of  my  soul.  Yes,  she  hath  shown 
me  clearly,  that  the  knowledge  of  mathematics,  and  a  vain 
philosophy,  are  not  sufficient  to  procure  us  true  happiness ;  but 
the  knowledge  of  Him  only  who  giveth  wisdom  liberally  to 
those  who  ask  it.  She  hath  taught  me  to  distinguish  the  things 
which  are  situated  within  the  reach  of  our  understanding,  from 
those  which  are  beyond  it :  for  I  must  own  that  the  idea  which 
I  had  before  of  the  strength  of  my  understanding,  and  the  ex- 
tent of  my  knowledge,  was  so  false,  that  I  thought  nothing  to 
be  out  of  my  sphere.  But  now,  blessed  be  God !  not  only  1 
feel  that  it  is  not  permitted  to  men  to  scrutinize  with  profane 
looks  the  mysteries  of  religion,  but  I  believe  them  with  a  holy 
respect ;  and  far  from  being  ashamed  to  acknowledge  Jesus  for 
my  Saviour,  I  set  my  glory  in  it,  and  that  persuasion  makes 
me  happy!" 

He  is  indeed  a  new  creature,  and  his  conscience  appears  to 
be  so  tender,  and  his  convictions  of  the  need  of  a  farther  change 
so  strong,  that  I  am  sunk  in  amazement  and  wonder !  O  what 
a  prayer  hearing  God  have  we  to  do  with!  "Ask,  and  you 
shall  receive,"  is  more  than  ever  written  on  my  heart!  On 
the  first  of  January,  he  was  much  blest,  and  told  me  he  had 
found  such  a  power  to  renew  his  covenant  with  the  Lord  as  he 
had  never  done  before.  He  broke  out  in  prayer  with  such  sim- 
plicity as  delighted  the  whole  congregation !  In  a  few  months 
he  must  leave  me  and  return  to  Switzerland — I  trust  in  the 
power  of  the  Lord,  to  be  a  messenger  of  glad  tidings  to  the 
dear  family  of  his  precious  uncle.  O,  my  God!  what  hast 
thou  done  for  thy  poor  worm  in  the  day  of  her  adversity ! 
"Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  all  that  is  within  me,  bless 
his  holy  name!" 


PART  THE  SIXTH. 


HER  RELIGIOUS  EXPERIENCE  AT  MADELEY. 

December  3,  1786. 

LAST  night  I  had  a  peculiar  sense  of  that  truth,  "  Thy  maker 
ia  thy  husband !"  I  saw  great  depth  in  that  declaration.  The 
thought  of  belonging  only  to  Jesus  was  precious  !  These  wordB 
were  powerfully  on  my  mind, — 

"  Be  bold  in  Jesus  to  confide, 

His  creature,  and  his  spotless  bride ! 

Thy  husband's  [lower  and  goodness  prov 
The  Holy  One  of  Israel  he ! 
The  Lord  cf  hosts  hath  chosen  tliee, 

ID  faith,  and  holiness,  and  love  I" 


PART  VI.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  167 

I  saw  and  felt  all  things  are  possible  to  perserving  faith ;  but 
in  the  midst  of  this  exercise  my  old  temptation  presented, 
Thou  art  not  in  joy!  And  some  say,  "No  more  holiness 
than  joy."  It  was  as  cold  water  cast  on  a  fire.  My  feeble 
sore  spirit  trembled  under  the  suggestion,  and  sorrow's  waves 
around  me  rolled !  I  said,  true,  I  have  not  joy  !  Again  it  came 
to  my  mind,  others  believe  because  an  overflowing  power  con- 
strains them  so  to  do ;  but  I  believe,  as  it  were,  because  I  will 
believe.*  Yet  I  thought,  is  not  that  the  way  of  faith  ?  Ought 
1  not  to  hang  on  Jesus  in  the  midst  of  the  fire  ?  What  is  "the 
abiding  in  the  secret  place  of  the  Most  High?"  Is  it  not  tak- 
ing shelter  in  Jesus,  and  keeping  fixed  there,  whatever  storms 
may  surround  ?  I  cried  to  the  Lord,  and  sometimes  the  faith 
of  Abraham  was  set  before  me.  These  words  of  our  Lord  were 
also  applied.  "  Blessed  are  they  who  have  not  seen,  and  yet 
have  believed."  But  still  the  weight  hung  over  my  soul.  At 
night  I  went  to  bed  oppressed,  yet  struggling  to  maintain  that 
faith  which  "staggers  not  at  the  promise,"  but  gives  glory  to 
God  by  believing. 

I  dreamed  I  was  in  a  room  with  Sally,  and  saw  a  picture,  or 
rather  the  ground  work  for  a  picture,  on  which  was  only  paint- 
ed one  small  sheep  lying  down ;  the  rest  was  all  plain.  I  said 
to  her,  Sally  look  on  that  picture,  and  what  the  Lord  says,  your 
dear  master  will  draw  it  out  for  me  to  read  ?  I  then  saw  letter 
by  letter  come  out,  as  if  wrote,  (though  without  any  hand  or. 
pen,)  as  follows :  "  She  that  dwelleth  in  the  secret  place  of  the 
Most  High,  shall  abide  under  the  shadow  of  the  Almighty."  I 
felt  it  a  confirmation  of  my  faith ;  and  said,  there  is  no  better 
path  than  to  repose  the  soul  in  God,  and  to  go  on  in  quiet 
resignation,  whatever  we  may  feel.  As  I  was  making  that 
reflection,  I  heard,  though  yet  asleep,  my  dear  husband'*  voice, 
as  if  close  to  my  face,  speaking  these  words, — 

Shout,  all  ye  people  of  the  sky! 
And  all  ye  saints  of  the  Most  High : 
Our  God,  who  thus  his  right  obtains, 
For  ever  and  for  ever  reigns ! 

The  beginning  I  heard  in  my  sleep,  but  as  it  waked  me,  the 
rest  was  heard  afterward :  and  I  could  have  known  his  voice 
among  a  thousand.  I  saw  from  it,  we  never  render  to  God  his 
right  till  we  abandon,  by  a  perfect  resignation,  all  our  concerns, 
spiritual  as  well  as  temporal,  into  his  hand,  and  learn  to  lie  still 
before  him,  in  the  posture  of  a  little  c*hild,  hanging  each  mo- 
ment by  faith  on  his  mercy.  I  see  how  the  art  of  Satan  has 
hindered  me.  Indeed  my  present  state  is  not  joyous.  I  feel, 
keenly  feel,  my  loss !  I  arn  as  a  poor  sheep  alone  on  the 
mountains.  I  feel  a  sorrow  no  pen  can  describe.  I  am  pene- 
trated with  fiery  darts,  and  my  health  so  broken,  my  nervea  BO 

*  So  must  they  in  the  hour  of  temptation.— ED. 


168  THE  LIFE  OF  1FART  VI. 

weak ;  with  a  variety  of  trying  affairs  which  quite  weigh  me 
down.  But  this  morning,  the  Lord  showed  me,  I  was  not  to 
set  joy  as  the  mark,*  but  a  ready  submission  and  quiet  resig- 
nation to  his  will.  That  I  was  to  a.  this  on  my  mind,  "  Whoso 
trusteth  in  the  Lord  shall  never  be  confounded."  That  I  was 
to  lie  still  as  clay  in  his  hand,  that  he  in  his  wisdom  and  love 
might  save  me  in  the  way  that  he  knew.  My  only  care  should 
be,  to  embrace  the  cross  with  a  ready  will ! 

February  6,  1786. — My  sou1  is  waiting  on  the  Lord.  I  be- 
Jieve  he  will  bring  me  into  his  unclouded  presence  !  I  do  feel 
the  truth  of  these  words, — 

"  They  shill,  as  their  right,  his  righteousness  claim." 

I  also  feel  that, 

"  I  shall,  as  my  right,  his  purity  claim." 

I  do  claim  it,  and  feel  a  share  therein.  He  keeps  me ;  I  know 
"  He  that  abideth  in  him  sinneth  not."  My  soul  doth  abide, 
looking  by  faith  to  Jesus ;  and  I  do  not  feel  any  sin ;  yet  my 
sorrow  and  mourning  is  deep.  I  also  feel  sore  temptation ;  not 
to  any  thing  earthly  of  any  kind.  No,  I  believe  "  the  world  is 
crucified  to  me,"  and  I  "  unto  the  world !"  It  has  no  charms 
for  me ;  but  I  am  tempted  with  great  terrors,  which  come  over 
mv  mind  in  a  moment,  and  my  weak  nerves,  which  have  been 
affected  even  to  a  degree  of  palsy,  help  to  let  in  the  tempta- 
tions. At  times  the  Lord  Jesus  gives  me  such  a  view  of  his 
^faithfulness  and  full  power  to  save,  that  I  seem  to  forget  for  a 
few  moments  all  my  sorrow !  This  is  the  case  often ;  but  then 
the  vision  shuts  again,  and  grievous  temptations  return.  I  want 
a  full  liberty,  such  as  was  given  at  the  outpouring  of  the  Spirit 
on  the  day  of  pentecost.  I  believe  there  is  a  degree  of  union 
which  shuts  out  all  sorrow,! — the  soul  having  so  entered  into 
the  element  of  love,  as  to  be  incapable  of  receiving  any  idea 
but  what  is  consonant  therewith,  or  in  other  words,  a  "  dwell- 
ing in  God,"  and  possessing  the  fulness  of  that  promise,  "  I 
and  my  Father  will  come  and  make  our  abode  with  you." 

February  16. — I  found  to-day  some  refreshment  in  convers- 
ing with  that  dear  old  saint,  Mary  Matthews,  one  of  my  dear 
love's  first  children,  who  endured  much  persecution  for  the 
truth's  sake  many  years  since.  She  was  called  under  the  first 
sermon  she  heard  him  preach ;  and  after  feeling  the  spirit  of 
bondage  nearly  two  years,  was  very  clearly  set  at  liberty,  and 
walked  many  years  in  faith  and  love.  It  was  she  who  was  so 
blessed  the  first  Sabbath  my  dear  husband  introduced  me  into 
the  kitchen  among  those  who  met  there ;  and  she  has  enjoyed 

*  It  is  a  real  part  of  the  "kingdom  of  God,"  Rom.  xvii,  14,  but  not  scnsibh 
discerned  while  the  believer  is  "  sifted  as  wheat."— ED. 

t  No ;  our  Lord  was  a  man  of  sorrow*.  But  all  rebellious  sorrow  we  may 
'tx  tared  from. — ED. 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  169 

a  fuller  liberty  ever  since.  She  told  me,  That  on  the  day.  after 
the  preaching  in  the  last  week,  having  undertaken  to  open  the 
door  in  time  for  the  mornirg  service,  she  took  the  key  of  the 
room  for  that  purpose,  and  Believed  the  Lord  would  awake  her 
in  tune.  About  two  in  the  morning  (instead  of  five)  she  was 
awaked  with  an  extraordinary  power  cf  God.  She  thought,  I 
must  rise  and  pray.  She  came  down  and  broke  up  the  fire, 
and  being  in  a  little  house  all  alone,  she  sat  down  to  meditate, 
and  give  full  scope  to  the  Spirit  She  took  up  her  hymn  book, 
but  could  not  read,  for,  said  she.  "  All  around  me  seemed  God ! 
It  appeared  to  me  as  if  the  room  was  full  of  heavenly  spirits. 
I  laid  the  book  down,  and  falling  back  in  ray  chair,  I  remem- 
bered no  more  of  any  thing  outward,  but  thought  I  was  at  the 
threshold  of  a  most  beautiful  place.  I  could  just  look  in.  The 
first  thing  I  saw  was  the  Lord  Jesus  sitting  on  a  throne ! 
There  was  a  beautiful  crown  over  his  head !  It  did  not  seem 
to  bear  with  a  weight,  but  as  if  it  was  suspended  there,  and  as 
he  turned  his  head,  it  turned  with  him.  A  glorious  light  ap- 
peared on  one  side,  and  all  around  him  was  glory  !  I  thought 
on  that  word  of  St.  Paul, — Who  dwelleth  in  light  unapproach- 
able !  Turning  my  eye  a  little,  I  saw  close  to  rny  Saviour  my 
dear  minister,  Mr.  Fletcher !  He  looked  continually  on  the 
Lord  Jesus  with  a  sweet  smile.  But  he  had  a  very  different 
appearance  from  what  he  had  when  in  the  body,  and  yet  there 
was  such  an  exact  resemblance,  that  I  could  have  known  hu 
among  a  thousand  !  Features  and  limbs  just  the  same,  but  in 
of  flesh.  It  was  what  I  cannot  describe,  all  light !  I  know  not 
what  to  call  it !  I  never  saw  any  thing  like  it.  It  was,  I 
thought,  such  a  body  as  could  go  thousands  of  miles  in  a  mo- 
ment.* There  were  several  passed  who  had  the  same  appear- 
ance ;  and  I  =eemed  to  have  lost  my  old  weak,  shaking  body  ! 
I  seemed  to  uiyself  as  if  I  could  have  gone  to  the  world's  end 
as  light  as  air !  I  looked  on  him  a  long  time,  and  observed 
every  feature  with  its  old  likeness.  He  then  turned  his  eyes 
on  me,  and  held  out  his  hand  to  me  just  as  he  used  to  do. 
After  this  the  whole  disappeared,  and  I  came  to  myself,  and 
found  it  was  just  the  time  when  I  should  open  the  preaching 
house  door."  I  found  her  words  a  comfort  to  me.f  Ah !  my 
dear  husband  was  a  suffering  member  here ;  but  he  is  now  a 
bright  star  in  glory. 

I  am  amazed  to  see  how  the  Almighty  appears  for  me  in  out- 
ward things.  Night  and  day  I  have  a  sense  of  safety.  I  feel 
as  if  the  angels  of  the  Lord  encamped  round  about  me !  Though 

*  What  a  description !    Far  beyond  her  powers. — ED. 


•nd 

way  to  comlort  her !     And  what  a  mystery 
fit  liirertly.  butu1.  £t-c 

15 


170  THE  LIFE  OF  '[PART  VI, 

we  are  alone,  I  and  the  two  girls  in  this  house,  sometimes  only 
Sally  and  I,  no  long  winter  night  seems  to  have  any  thing 
dreary  to  me  !  Indeed  life  and  death  are  equal,  the  will  of  God 
is  all !  I  feel  also  a  quiet  acquiescence  in  the  will  of  God.  His 
will  shall  be  my  choice  !  I  have  nc  other  rest  on  earth.  Yet 
I  have  not  joy !  But  I  will  lie  in  his  hands  for  this  also. 

Some  thoughts  have  arisen  in  my  mind  on  this  subject 
There  has  long  been  a  question  between  two  sorts  of  religious 
professors,  both  devoted  to  God.  The  one  part  say,  "  A  child 
of  God,  labouring  up  perfection's  hill,  may  be  in  darkness  and 
obscurity  for  a  time,  in  order  to  his  farther  purification."  The 
others  say,  "  Nay,  there  can  be  no  darkness  but  from  the  dis- 
pleasure of  God !  neither  is  there  any  true  holiness  but  in  pro- 
portion to  this  joy." 

But  what  do  we  mean  by  darkness  ?  And  what  do  we  mean 
by  joy]  Many  blend  the  idea  of  darkness  with  deadness. 
They  suppose  such  to  have  no  savour  of  divine  things.  They  do 
not  mourn  after  Jesus,  as  one  who  mourns  for  her  first-born. 
They  can  be  content  with  worldly  rest.  They  look  more  to 
men  and  means  for  help  than  singly  "to  Jesus.  They  are  indeed 
pained  sometimes  because  they  have  no  more  life;  but  their 
treasure  is  still  here.  Such  darkness  certainly  the  true  believer 
does  not  feel.  The  experience  of  Mr.  Brainerd  is  a  fine  com- 
ment on  this.  A  soul  thirsting  (in  general)  after  the  full  mind 
tf  Christ, — whose  conscience  is  truly  tender,  to  whom  the 
Pbrld  is  crucified,  and  who  has  no  relish  but  for  the  things  of 
another  life ; — whose  eye  is  really  fixed,  "  not  on  the  things 
which  are  seen,  but  on  the  things  which  are  not  seen ;" — to 
whom  the  prospect  of  a  nearly  approaching  death  is  pleasant, 
from  a  firm  confidence  of  final  salvation,  though  thrt  confidence 
may  be  oft  assaulted  ;  and  who  feels  an  intense,  though  mourn- 
ful desire  after  the  whole  mind  of  Christ, — and  an  abiding  filial 
fear  of  offending  God. — Such  a  soul  may  find  sometimes  great 
obscurity,  as  if  its  Saviour  was  hidden — as  if  the  Lord  sb  tt 
himself  up  within  stone  walls,  which  prayer  could  not  pa,  B 
through; — so  that  even  strong  supplication  and  prayer  sha  "' 
seem  to  feel  resistance.  As  when  Jacob  wrestled  with  the  an 
gel,  it  seemed  as  if  he  wanted  to  get  loose  from  Jacob's  grasp, 
without  giving  him  the  blessing. — As  when  our  Lord  gave  that 
(seemingly)  harsh  answer  to  the  Canaanitish  woman, — "  It  is 
not  meet  to  take  the  children's  bread  and  give  it  unto  dogs  !" 
Was  it  to  discourage  and  drive  her  back  ?  Was  it  from  wrath 
he  spoke  1  Ah,  no !  It  was  to  try  and  to  strengthen  her  faith 
by  exercise  ;  and  to  increase  her  blessing,  when  he  pronounced 
that  word,  "  O  woman,  great  is  thy  faith  !  be  it  unto  thee  even 
as  thou  wilt."  We  have  often  a  wrong  idea  of  faith. — When 
the  Apostle  says,  "  I  have  fought  the  good  fight,  I  have  kept  the 
feith," — how  do  we  understand  him  ?  Some  say,  "  He  fought 


PART  VI.J  .TlRS.  FLETCHER.  J71 

against  sin, — he  was  firm  in  persecution, — and  he  always  be- 
Jeved.  His  soul  was  so  full  of  light  and  power  that  he  could 
not  help  believing."  Was  there  then  no  conflict  in  believing? 
When  St.  Paul  says,  Cast  not  away  your  confidence,  does  he 
mean  that  they  could  not  cast  it  away  ?  Were  they  to  hold  it 
fast,  when  it  needed  no  holding  1  And  is  it  thus  that  it  should 
have  great  recompense  of  reward  ? 

But  does  not  the  whole  tenor  of  Scripture  speak  of  the 
Christian  soldier,  as  "fighting  the  fight  of  faith?"  And  what 
ia  faith,  but  "  the  believing  of  things  unseen  1"  "  Blessed  are 
they  who  have  not  seen,  and  yet  have  believed."  And  to  Na- 
thaniel, our  Lord  says, — "  Because  1  said,  Under  the  fig  tree  I 
saw  thee,  believest  thou  1  Thou  shalt  see  greater  things  than 
these." 

It  seems  to  me,  therefore,  that  the  way  of  holiness  is  to 
strive  every  moment  to  "  look  unto  Jesus  as  the  author  and 
finisher  of  our  faith ;"  and  while  the  soul  is  so  continually  hang- 
ing on  him,  let  it  not  esteani  it  a  strange  thing,  if  it  should 
feel  the  powers  of  darkness  surround  it,  inducing  horror  and 
dismay  !  If  the  believer  feel  as  though  the  Angel  of  the  cove- 
nant struggled  against  him  ;  as  if  he  would  go  away  and  leave 
the  soul  unblest.  It  may  seem  to  have  even  a  rebuke  instead 
of  a  blessing,  like  the  Canaanitish  woman  ; — nay,  it  may  feel 
as  if  all  its  strength  was  failing,  so  that  it  could  wrestW 
longer. — Perhaps  the  day  begins  to  break!  Death  seems 
the  door !  and  the  fainting  soul  cries  out,  O,  what  is  all  i 
wrestling  come  to  !  My  day  of  grace  is  gone,  and  I  am  not 
saved  !  But  the  very  next  moment  may  bring  the  "  New  name 
of  Israel !  As  a  prince  thou  hast  power  with  God,  and  hast 
prevailed." 

June  19. — I  now  see  clearly  what  I  want.  My  soul  is  not 
brought  fully  into  the  element  of  love.  There  is  a  fulness  of 
love,  or,  "  a  perfect  love,  which  casts  out  all  fear."  I  have  not 

Perfect  resignation  ;  yet  my  will  never  seems  to  oppose  God. 
have  not  perfect  peace;  it  is  disturbed  by  temptation.  I  have 
not  perfect  union  with  God ;  clouds  come  between. — In  short, 
that  salvation  I  felt  at  Hoxton,  and  which  I  now  feel,  is  like 
Israel  when  on  the  borders  of  Canaan.  But  I  am  not  put  in 
full  possession.  I  do  not  dwell  in  love.  I  am  determined, 
however,  never  to  rest  short  of  it ;  and  I  believe  that  is  the 
meaning  of  the  promise  so  impressed  upon  my  mind,  "An 
abundant  entrance  shall  be  ministered  unto  you  into  the  king- 
dom of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ."  Lord  hasten  the  hour !  I  have 
no  hope  but  from  thee.  "  It  is  not  of  him  that  willeth,  nor  of 
him  that  runneth,  but  of  God  that  showeth  mercy !  Not  by 
might,  nor  by  power,  but  by  my  Spirit,  saith  the  Lord  of  Hosts  \" 
Well, — if  I  am  thus  perfectly  saved,  I  shall  be  the  greatest 
flionumeht  of  mercy !  For  since  that  time  I  was  blessed  at 


172  THE  LIFE  Of  [FART  VI. 

Hoxton,  how  often  have  I  sunk  back  from  that  liberty  of  faith ! 
and  though  the  divine  change  has  ever  since  remained  on  my 
soul,  yet  there  have  been  times  in  which  I  have  been  a  monster 
in  my  own  eyes,  for  I  have  many  times  found  self,  and  from 
that  root,  every  evil  springing  up  in  my  soul. 

I  would  give  a  list  of  the  evils  I  have  felt,  but,  alas !  when  I 
attempt  it,  I  am  lost !  I  cannot  find  any  words  to  express  my- 
self in.  But  this  I  will  say,  for  the  comfort  of  some  who  have 
known  these  things,  and  into  whose  hands  this  account  may 
fall,  that  wherein  they  have  lamented  their  inbred  corruption, 
I  have  much  more  cause  for  lamentation. 

Oh !  if  I  were  but  for  one  hour  permitted  to  enter  heaven,  that 
I  might  throw  myself  at  the  feet  of  all  whom  I  have  offended,  or 
hindered,  by  my  pride,  self-will,  and  other  evils,  it  would  yield  me 
some  consolation. — Yet  I  believe  I  shall  be  delivered  from  them 
all,  and  even  from  this  painful  reflection.  Yes,  I  shall ;  the  God  of 
love  hath  said,  "  Thou  shalt  walk  with  me  in  white — I  will  make 
thce  worthy  !"  And  my  sou]  has  of  late  felt  a  great  renewal  of 
that  piomise.  Yes,  I  shall  overcome !  I  begin  though  but  faintly, 
to  shout  victory !  I  shall  overcome  !  for  I  singly  trust  in  Jesus. 

Friday,  June  23. — Three  days  ago  as  I  was  thinking  of  the 
ftbove.wordsy' "  I  am  not  brought  into  the  element  of  love,"  a. 
thought  ca&e  into  my  mind.  Thou  waitest  and  pleadest  to  be 
into  another  state : — Abide  in  Jesus !  That  is  the  way 

love,  and  to  bring  forth  all  good  fruit.    I  weighed  it  over  in 

r  mind,  and  saw  that  it  was  so.  I  have  Jesus !  and  have  I 
not  all  in  him  1  Those  words  shone  with  light  on  my  heart, 
"  Christ  is  made  of  God  unto  you,  wisdom,  righteousness,  sanc- 
tification,  and  redemption."  I  felt  I  ought  to  rejoice  in  my 
privilege ;  the  privileges  of  my  present  dispensation.  I  am 
brought  into  a  state  of  IOVP  ;  and  that  I  do  not  abundantly  grow 
therein,  is  because  I  do  not  abide  every  moment  in  a  quiet 
peaceable  confidence,  believing  the  Lord  will  enable  me  to 
glorify  him  in  and  through  every  thing.  These  words  were 
yesterday,  and  are  still,  the  language  of  my  soul, — 

11  No  condemnation  now  I  dread , 

Jesus  and  all  in  him  is  mine ; 
Alive  in  him,  my  living  head, 

And  just  in  righteousness  divine, 
Bold  I  approach  the  eternal  throne, 
And  claim  the  crown  through  Christ  my  own." 

Friday,  July  21. — O,  the  union  my  spirit  feels  with  my  dear 
husband !  Time  makes  no  difference  to  me.  As  I  wt.3  offer- 
ing up  my  trials  to  the  Lord  to-day,  these  words  came  to  raj 
mind,  "  Ask  of  the  Lord  grace  to  suffer  as  much,  and  as  long 
as  he  pleases."  I  thought,  so  I  will,  I  will  not  even  wish  to 
have  it  mitigated. 

Saturday,  July  23. — Yesterday  I  was  at  the  chapel  in  Madetey 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  173 

Wood,  and  found  much  freedom  of  spirit  while  speaking  on 
these  words, — "  Bring  my  soul  out  of  prison,  that  I  may  praise 
thy  name."  This  morning  I  feel  my  soul  cast  on  the  Lord, 
and  was  blessed  in  reading  those  words  of  Fenelon,  "  Your 
letter  leaves  me  nothing  to  wish  for.  It  confesses  all  that  IB 
past,  and  promises  every  thing  for  the  future.  With  regard  to 
the  past,  you  need  only  leave  it  to  God  with  a  humble  con- 
fidence, and  repair  it  by  a  constant  fidelity.  You  ask  what 
penances  are  required  for  the  past !  Can  we  perform  greater, 
or  more  salutary  ones,  than  bearing  our  present  crosses  1  The 
best  reparation  of  our  past  vanities  is  the  being  humble,  and 
content  that  God  should  humble  us.  The  most  rigorous  of  all 
penances  is,  notwithstanding  all  our  dislikes  and  weariness,  to 
do  daily  and  hourly  the  will  of  God  rather  than  our  own."* 

Thursday,  July  27. — For  some  days  I  have  felt  keen  darts 
from  the  enemy,  and  such  a  sense  of  being  alone  in  the  world 
as  I  cannot  express.  But  last  night,  in  the  midst  of  these  feel- 
ings, I  felt  a  strong  impression  that  my  trials  were  increased 
by  my  not  courageously  believing  every  moment  that  **e  Lord, 
has  absolutely  undertaken  my  whole  cause.  And  I  alff  con-( 
vinced  that  when  Satan  pursues  me  with  gloom*  and  threaten- 
ings,  f  ought  to  believe  that  all  is  permitted  f.exercise  my*faith 
and  patience.  I  feel  at  all  times  that  ny  heart  has,  embraced 
the  glory  of  God,  as  my  one  sole  ca*^  a°d  therefore  I  have 
nothing  to  do  even  with  my  state,- "hether  it  is  joyous  or  sad. 
but  only  to  cling  to  the  covena-"-'  1  nave  entered  into,  of  being 
a  whole  burnt  sacrifice  to  t*e  Lord  ;  and  leave  him  to  choose 
for  me  every  moment,  v^°  ig  m  himself  all  wisdom  and  love. 
This  thought  brougte  w^h  it  a  sweet  peace ;  and  these  words 
were  applied  to  «y  6OU1»  "  Cast  not  away  therefore  your  con- 
fidence, whir-1!  hath  great  recompense  of  reward,  for  ye  have 
need  of  jvuience,  and  after  ye  have  done  the  will  of  God,  ye 
may  receive  the  promise."  I  see  also  that  I  must  singly  trust 
in  Jesus,  resolved  to  believe  that  he  will  make  me  more  than 
conqueror  through  all.  "  None  ever  trusted  in  him,  and  was 
confounded."  My  one  cry  therefore  shall  be,  "  Lord,  glorify 
thyself  in  thy  poor  creature,  and  that  is  enough."  In  the  night 
I  was  exercised  with  pain  more  than  common,  but  my  mind 
seemed  to  be  fixed  on  this, — Lord,  glorify  thyself!  I  slept ;  and 
waked  in  that  thought,  and  it  brought  peace. 

August  3. — This  time  of  the  year  returning  affects  me  much. 
This  day  twelve  months  was  the  last  in  which  my  dear  husband 
enjoyed  perfect  health,  and  the  last  in  which  he  visited  his  peo- 
ple. Oh !  how  does  every  hour  present  the  past  scenes  to  my 
view.  But  I  find  power  to  live  in  the  spirit  of  sacrifice.  As  I 
was  this  morning  reading  Mr.  Wesley's  note  on  Judges,  chap. 

*  Ho-*-  well  some  Rotnankts  hare  -written  on  Christian  obedience .'    O  ai  re 
ED. 

15* 


174  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI, 

iv,  14,  it  was  made  a  blessing  to  me.  It  is  said  of  Barak,  "He 
went  down  from  Mount  Tabor."  Mr.  Wesley  adds,  "  He  did 
not  make  use  of  the  advantage  which  he  had  of  the  hill,  where 
he  might  have  been  out  of  the  reach  of  Sisera's  iron  chariots. 
He  boldy  marches  down  into  the  valley,  to  give  him  the  oppor- 
tunity of  using  his  chariots  and  horses,  that  so  the  victory  might 
be  more  glorious."  So  it  seems  to  be  with  me.  When  I  had 
every  help  and  every  comfort,  he  brought  me  into  the  valley 
indeed  !  unto  the  loss  of  all  my  earthly  comforts  ;  and  into  deep 
and  fierce  temptation.  And  yet  those  very  things  which  would 
have  been  a  great  trial  to  me,  and  a  great  alarm  to  my  fears, 
when  I  had  my  dearest  companion  with  me,  are  nevertheless 
rendered  easy ;  and  my  captain  going  before  seems  to  gain  for 
me  an  easy  victory.  He  is  my  light  in  difficulties,  my  protec- 
tion in  dangers,  and  my  continual  shield.  But  that  word  of  the 
Lord  spoken  to  Gideon,  "  The  people  are  too  many  for  me  to 
deliver  Israel,  by  them,"  casts  a  still  clearer  light  on  my  path. 
I  was,  the  happiest  of  women  !  I  had  every  thing  which  friend- 
ship, tht  most  heavenly  and  refined,  could  give.  My  helps 
were  too  nit-ny  :  I  could  not  feel  my  deep  nothingness.  God 
has  stripped  nn  of  all !  Yet  I  will  look  every  moment  for  the 
complete  victory. 

Monday,  August  K — How  awful  a  Sabbath  was  yesterday  to 
me !  The  remembrance  Of  the  tremendous  scene  that  day 
twelve  months,  deeply  penetrated  my  heart.  The  whole  of  the 
last  week  has  been  to  me  very  *n]emn.  Every  hour  has  pointed 
out  some  part  of  the  bitter  cup  wj«.h  I  have  drank,  and  do  still 
deeply  drink  of. 

This  day  has  also  been  a  time  of  deep  examination.  What 
difference  do  I  find  between  this  and  the  "i»st  fourteenth  of 
August,  the  day  of  my  dear  husband's  death?  T  find  a  good 
deal,  many  ways.  First,  I  have  more  vehement  lodging  after 
Christ.  Secondly,  I  am  stript  of  all  desire  of  human  comforts, 
and  dead  to  earth  in  a  fuller  degree  than  I  ever  was  before  in 
any  part  of  my  life.  Thirdly,  That  fierce  conflict  of  temptation 
which  I  endured  at  that  time  has  wrought  for  my  good. 
Fourthly,  I  am  more  constant  and  faithful  in  private  prayer; 
indeed  it  is  my  one  business :  and  I  have  a  more  watchful  spirit. 
Fifthly,  I  feel  a  more  perfect  resignation ;  and  though  my 
wound  continually  bleeds,  yet  I  can  continually  say,  Thy  will 
be  done.  Yet  nothing  can  supply  the  place  of  the  full  indwell- 
ing Spirit.  The  Lord  is  ever  with  me.  I  have  surprising  helps 
and  deliverances,  and  victory  in  every  trial.  I  feel  I  am  cruci- 
fied to  the  world ;  but  yet  I  want  the  promise  of  the  Father  in 
its  fulness. 

Tuesday,  August  15. — Yesterday  being  (according  to  the 
days  cf  the  month)  the  annual  return  of  the  time  when  my  dear- 
est love  departed  this  life.  I  set  it  apart  for  prayer  ana  close 


JART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  175 

examination,  to  know  what  1  had  gained  or  lost  in  this  black 
year.  Most  of  the  day  I  was  in  heaviness ;  but  by  the  light  of 
God  I  clearly  discerned  his  powerful  hand  was  upon  me.  The 
entire  deadness  I  find  to  every  thing  wordly;  the  purity  in 
which  the  Lord  continually  keeps  my  soul ;  the  increasing  vigor 
of  my  spiritual  affections  ;  my  great  love  for  souls,  and  abun- 
dant liberty  in  speaking  to  them,  with  the  many  degrees  of 
resignation  to  the  Divine  will  which  I  feel  my  soul  sunk  into ; 
and  that  spirit  of  love  which  ever  prompts  me  to  turn  the  other 
cheek,  all  give  me  good  hope.  Now,  thought  I,  though  I  felt  a 
measure  of  all  this  before,  is  not  the  increase  of  all  these  an  evi- 
dent mark,  that  the  work  of  God  is  deepened  in  my  soul  7  I  saw  it 
was  so,  and  was  constrained  to  cry  out.  This  hath  God  zcrcrught ! 

I  then  was  led  to  reflect  on  my  union  with  my  dear  husband, 
and  saw  how  much  of  the  heavenly  state  we  had  enjoyed 
together ;  and  it  seemed  as  if  I  so  longed  to  give  up  all  for  God. 
that  I  offered  up  to  his  divine  will  even  our  eternal  union,  (ii* 
it  was  in  reality,  as  many  suppose,  that  separate  spirits  forget 
all  they  have  known  and  loved  here,)  that  his  will  might  be 
done !  I  seemed  content,  so  my  dearest  love,  and  my  own  sou] 
were  lost  in  his  immensity,  and  should  know  each  other  no 
more  !  I  then  found  as  it  were,  a  conversation  carried  on  in 
my  mind.  The  question  arose,  what  pan.  of  our  union  can 
heaven  dissolve?  It  will  take  away  all  that  was  painful — 
such  as  our  fears  for  each  other's  safety,  our  separations,  &c- 
But  what  of  the  pleasant  part  can  heaven  dissolve  1  I  answered 
from  the  bottom  of  my  heart,  Nothing,  Lord,  nothing'.  Clear 
as  light  it  appeared  before  me,  that  heaven  could  not  dissolve 
any  thing  which  agreed  with  its  own  nature.  Let  two  drops 
of  water,  two  flames  of  fire,  or  any  two  quantities  of  the  same 
element,  be  put  together,  they  would  not  destroy  each  other, 
but  would  be  increased.  So  what  came  down  from  God,  would, 
when  returned  to  its  source,  live  for  ever,  and  be  corroborated, 
but  not  lessened. 

I  am  quite  at  a  loss  for  words  to  describe  the  feelings  of  that 
hour !  but  it  fixed  in  my  soul  an  assurance  of  our  eternal  union. 
And  as  it  increased  my  tender  affection  toward  my  dear  hus- 
band, so  it  seemed  to  spread  it  to  all  around.  I  felt  it  reflect 
as  it  were  backward  and  fonvard,  to  and  from  all  the  heavenly 
host,  all  seemed  doubly  dear  through  that  endearing  love  I  found 
to  him.  At  the  same  moment,  a  peculiar  sense  of  union  with 
my  friend  Ryan  sprung  up  in  my  soul ;  and  I  seemed  to  wor- 
ship with  them  both  before  the  throne.  As  I  rose  from  my  knees, 
I  had  an  application  of  these  words,  as  from  his  own  dear  moitth, 
"  The  days  that  in  heaven  they  spend, 

For  ever  and  ever  shall  last.'' 

O,  what  did  I  feel !  my  eyes  overflowed  with  tears,  and  my 
with  praise  1 


176  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

November  15.  —  Last  Sunday  (the  12th)  was  to  me  a  heavy 
day.  That  was  the  day  my  dear  husband  gave  himself  to  me, 
and  that  I  gave  myself  to  him,  or  rather  the  Lord  gave  us  to 
each  other.  But  I  was  enabled  to  go  through  the  duty  which 
the  Lord  called  me  to  that  day,  with  calmness  and  resignation. 

This  day  I  had,  at  my  ten  o'clock  hour,  much  freedom  in 

pouring  out  my  heart  to  the  Lord.     I  prayed  that  I  might  have 

an  increase  of  faitL     I  then  opened  an  old  book  which  helped 

rne  to  make  some  reflections  very  suitable  to  the  present  pos- 

ture of  my  mind.     I  had  been  considering  whether  I  might  ex- 

pect as  fully  to  glorify  my  Saviour,  as  one  who  had  been  less 

guilty  and  sinful.     For  twc  days  that  question  had  been  upper- 

most in  my  heart,  and  the  following  words  much  in  my  mouth, 

"  If  so  poor  a  worm  as  I 

May  to  thy  great  glory  live  !" 

But  to-day  I  was  led  into  the  following  considerations  :  The 
Lord  Jesus  hath  said,  They  to  whom  much  is  forgiven,  love 
much,  but  they  to  whom  (comparatively)  little  is  forgiven,  love 
little  ;  and  this  is  corroborated  by  three  parables,  The  lost 
sheep,  the  piece  of  money,  and  the  prodigal  son.  But  why  is 
U  so  ?  Can  I  find  sufficient  ground  for  my  faith  to  set  its  foot 
upon?  The  following  thoughts  occurred  to  my  mind.  First, 
we  generally  love  best  what  has  cost  us  most.  My  Saviour 
has  drunk  a  more  bitter  draught  for  me-  than  for  many  ;*  there- 
fore he  hath  paid  a  higher  price  for  me.  AJ1  the  pain,  shame, 
and  evil  consequences  of  sin.  "  He  hath  borne  in  his  own  body  ; 
lie  hath  borne  my  grief  and  carried  my  sorrows."  Well  then 
I  have  more  to  love  him  for  than  any  other. 

Secondly,  The  author  observes,  "  it  is  certain  we  may  be- 
lieve that  God  will  give  them  the  first  place  in  his  esteem  who 
have  glorified  him  most  in  this  world,"  But  who  are  they  ? 
Doubtless  those  who  believe  most,  —  who  come  nearest  to  the 
faith  of  Abraham;  for  to  believe  in  God's  faithfulness  to  his 
promises,  and  in  his  power  to  perform  them,  is  to  give  him 
glory.  Rom.  iv,  20,  21,  "  He  staggered  not  at  the  promise 
through  unbelief,  but  was  strong  in  faith,  giving  glory  to  God  ; 
and  being  .fully  persuaded  that  what  he  had  promised,  he  was 
able  also  to  perform."  From  hence  it  follows,  that  to  believe 
the  truth  and  faithfulness  of  God  in  his  promises,  and  in  his 
power  to  .perform,  (even  in  those  cases  where  the  performance 
is  most  difficult,  and  rare,)  is  a  greater  glorifying  of  God,  and 
shows  a  higher  degree  of  faith,  than  to  believe  in  ordinary  cases 
only,  wherein  the  belief  is  not  so  generous  and  noble,  or  so  re- 
mote from  the  common  principles  of  reason.  The  high  com- 
mendation of  Abraham's  faith,  by  which  he  is  said  to  give  glory 

•  is  a  flne  illustration  of  those  words  of  the  Apostle,  "  In  lowliness  of  mind. 

tettertbaa  himself-"  °"  we  koe  ^  •* 


TART  VI.J  MRS.   FLETCHER.  177 

to  God,  (i.  e.  in  a  very  signal  and  transcendant  manner,)  is 
expressed  in  these  words,  Who  against  hope  believed  in  /tope. 
His  faith  breaking  through  the  strong  oppositions  which  the 
dictates  of  reason  and  nature  made  against  it,  was  highly  pleas- 
ing to  God,  and  cast  an  abundance  of  glory  upon  him  in  that 
respect.  Hence  he  pronounced  him  the  father  of  the  faithful, 
and  made  him  the  father  of  many  nations ;  that  is,  he  con- 
ferred and  settled  this  great  dignity  upon  Abraham,  to  be  for 
ever  after  reputed  and  acknowledged  the  great  exemplar,  or 
pattern  of  all,  who  to  the  end  of  the  world  should  believe ;  and 
who,  for  their  number,  should  equalize  many  nations.  There- 
fore, that  believing  in  God  which  accords  most  with  this  faith 
of  Abraham,  hath  most  of  the  spirit  and  power  of  that  grace. 
That  which  lifteth  up  itself  in  the  soul  against  the  strongest 
assaults  or  encounters,  must  needs  glorify  God  more  than  that 
which  hath  only  the  common  impediments  and  obstructions  to 
overcome.  Now  it  is  plain  that  he  who  hath  been  an  inveterate 
and  obdurate  sinner,  and  the  most  deeply  ungrateful ;  and  who 
hath  on  his  conscience  a  heavier  burden  of  guilt  than  any 
other ; — when  he  believes,  J  say,  he  hath  much  communion  with 
Abraham  in  the  excellency  of  his  faith,  and  believeth  against 
many  fierce  lions  and  bears  in  his  way :  against  the  strongest 
and  most  violent  temptations  to  diffidence  and  despair.  Where- 
as, he  who  hath  no  such  mountains  in  the  way  for  his  faith  to 
leap  over,  he  who  hath  no  such  armed  fears,  no  such  imperious 
contradictions  of  sin  to  encounter,  his  faith,  though  it  hold 
good  correspondence  with  the  faith  of  Abraham,  in  the  nature 
and  truth  of  it,  yet  it  is  far  beneath  it  in  that  crowning  property, 
whereby  it  gave  glory  to  God  so  abundantly.* 

December  12. — In  prayer  this  morning  I  was  led  to  see  the 
beauty  of  faith  in  reposing  the  whole  soul  on  God.  Surely,  O 
Lord!  thou  requirest  nothing  of  me,  but  to  believe  on  thee  for 
all  I  want !  I  find  the  strongest  dart  of  Satan  is  against  my  faith. 
He  tells  me  all  day  long,  that  I  believe  because  I  will  believe,^ 
and  not  by  the  immediate  gift  of  God — not  by  the  operation  ef 
bis  Spirit.  It  seems  that  is  the  only  hold  Satan  has  on  my 
soul.  But  was  not  my  first  word  (when  seven  years  old)  an 
invitation  to  believe  1 

"  Who  on  Jesus  relies,  without  money  or  price,  A         ^ 

The  pearl  of  forgiveness  and  holiness  buys." 

The  same  is  often  applied  to  me  now:  and  does  not  the 

"  The  weaned  child  shall  put  his  hand  on  the  cockatrice'  den."  To  a  mind 
less  devoted  than  Mrs.  Fletcher's,  these  speculations  might  be  dangerous.  They 
might  lead  to  Aiitinomianism ;  which,  as  Mr.  Wesley  observes,  (in  the  Minutes 
of  one  of  the  first  conferences,)  comes,  in  doctrine,  within  a  hair's  breadth  of  the 
highest  truths  of  the  Gospel.  Mrs.  Fletcher,  however,  was  preserved  from  thm 
danger,  and  always  found  divine  aid  in  the  exercise  of  faith.  By  it  she  ov»f- 
Came. — ED. 


178  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

whole  Scripture  /ead  to,  and  require  believing -?  Were  not  the 
Jews  rejected  for  unbelief?  Was  it  not  esteemed  hardness 
of  heart  in  Israel  because  they  would  not  believe  the  bare 
promise  of  God,  and  so  enter  into  the  good  land  1  I  feel  a  con- 
tinual power  to  trust  my  all  to  Jesus,  and  the  more  I  trust,  the 
more  it  unites  me  to  God.  Then  I  do,  I  will  trust  him,  though 
legions  of  temptations  appear  to  hinder !  What  mercy !  I  have 
no  temptation  to  sin  ! — no ;  my  soul  hates  all  that  God  hates  ! 
But  every  stroke  is  against  my  faith,  as  if  I  believed  too  much. 
I  prayed  the  Lord  to  direct  me  to  some  book  on  the  subject, 
and  found,  as  soon  as  I  rose  from  my  knees,  one  which  I  never 
saw  before,  among  my  dear  husband's  collection.  I  opened  it 
on  this  subject, — "  Christ  the  example  of  our  faith."  The 
writer  observes  on  these  words,  "  He  is  near  that  justifies  me  : 
who  shall  contend  with  me'!" — That  Christ  is  brought  in,  as  if 
uttering  them  before  the  high  priest's  tribunal,  when  they  spit 
upon,  and  buffeted  him.  When  he  was  also  condemned  by 
Pilate;  then  he  exercised  faith  in  God  his  Father,  "  He  is  near 
that  justifies  me  ;"  and  as  in  his  condemnation  he  stood  in  our 
stead,  so  in  this  hope  of  his  justification,  he  speaks  in  our  stead 
also,  and  as  representing  us  in  both.  And  upon  this  the  Apostle 
pronounces  in  like  words,  concerning  all  believers,  Rom.  viii, 
41  It  is  God  that  justifieth;  who  is  he  that  condemneth  ?"  Christ 
was  condemned :  yea,  hath  died, — who  therefore  shall  condemn? 
We  have  this  communion  with  Christ  in  his  death  and  condem- 
nation ;  yea,  in  his  very  faith.  If  he  trusted  in  God,  so  may 
we ;  and  we  shall  as  certainly  be  delivered.  Observe,  Christ 
also  lived  by  faith.  We  are  said,  John  i,  16,  to  "  receive  of  his 
fulness,  and  grace  for  grace,"  that  is,  grace  answerable,  and 
like  unto  his,  and  so  among  others,  faith. 

"  To  explain  this, — First,  In  some  sense  Christ  had  a  faith 
for  justification  like  to  ours,  though  not  a  justification  through 
faith,  as  we  have.  He  went  not  out  of  himself  to  rely  on 
another  for  righteousness,  for  his  own  was  perfect :  He  was 
'  the  Lord  our  righteousness.'  Yet  he  believed  on  God  to  justify 
him,  and  had  recourse  to  God  for  justification.  He  is  near 
(says  he)  that  justifies  me.  If  he  had  stood  upon  his  own 
person  merely,  and  upon  his  divinity,  there  would  have  been  no 
occasion  for  such  a  speech ;  but  as  he  stood  in  our  behalf  there 
wae  ;  for  what  need  of  justification,  if  he 'had  not  been,  in  some 
way,  exposed  to  condemnation  ?  He  must  therefore  be  sup- 
posed to  stand  here  at  God's  tribunal,  as  well  as  at  Pilate's,  with 
all  our  sins  upon  him.  And  so  Isaiah  tells  us  in  chapter  liii, 
'  God  laid  on  him  the  iniquities  of  us  all.  He  was  made  sic 
and  a  curse,'  arid  stood  not  in  danger  of  Pilate's  condemnatioB 
only,  but  of  God's  too,  unless  he  satisfied  him  fo*  all  those  eins. 
And  when  the  wrath  of  God  for  sin  came  thus  upon  him,  big 
faith  was  put  to  it  to  trust  and  wait  on  God  for  justiftc&tioa,. 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  179 

that  he  might  take  off  those  sins,  and  his  wrath  from  him,  and 
acknowledge  himself  satisfied,  and  the  surety  acquitted.  There- 
fore, in  the  22d  psalm,  he  is  brought  in  as  putting  forth  such  a. 
faith  as  we  here  speak  of,  crying  out,  My  God !  my  God ! 
when,  as  to  sense,  his  God  had  forsaken  him.  Yea,  at  the 
sixth  verse,  we  find  him  laying  himself  at  God's  feet,  lower 
than  ever  any  man  did  !  I  am  a  worm,  and  no  man,  a  worm 
which  all  tread  on,  and  no  one  thinks  it  wrong  to  kill ;— and 
all  this  because  he  bore  our  sins ! 

"  Now  his  deliverance  and  justification  from  all  these,  (to  be 
given  him  at  his  resurrection,)  was  the  matter,  the  business  he 
trusted  God  for;  even  that  he  should  rise  again,  and  thus  appear 
acquitted  from  them  all.  Secondly,  Neither  did  he  exerciee 
faith  for  himself  only,  hut  for  us  also  ;  and  that  more  than  we 
are  put  to  it  to  exercise  for  ourselves':  for  he,  in  emptying  him- 
self, and  dying,  trusted  God  with  the  merit  of  all  his  suffering?-; 
beforehand  ;  there  being  such  a  countless  multitude  of  souls  to 
be  saved  thereby  to  the  end  of  the  world.  God  trusted  Christ 
before  he  came  into  the  world,  and  saved  millions  of  souls  upon 
his  voluntary  offering  and  engagement,  and  then  Christ  at  his 
death  trusted  God  again  as  much.*  In  Hebrews  ii,  12, 13, 14, 
it  is  made  an  argument,  that  Christ  became  a  man  like  us, 
because  he  was  put  to  live  by  faith,  and  the  Apostle  brings  in 
these  words  as  prophesied  of  him,—!  I  will  put  my  trust  in  him,' 
as  a  proof  of  his  being  so  constituted.  Now  how  should  the 
consideration  of  these  things  help  us  to  believe,  since,  in  thit 
example  of  Christ,  we  have  the  highest  instance  of  believing 
that  ever  was.  Hast  thou  the  guilt  of  innumerable  sins  upon 
thee  ?  Consider  what  Christ  had,  though  not  his  own.  Luther 

boldly  says,  *  Christ  was  the  greatest  sinner  that  ever  was' 

that  is,  by  imputation.  And  yet  he  trusted  God  to  justify  him  from 
all,  and  to  raise  him  up  from  under  the  wrath  due  to  them.  Dost 
thou  say,  Christ  was  God,  and  knew  he  could  satisfy ;— but  J 
am  a  sinful  man !  Well,  but  if  thou  art  one  who  easiest  thy- 
self on  Christ,  and  believest  on  him,  thou  art  made  one  with 
Christ,  and  Christ  speaking  these  words,  He  is  near  that  justi- 
fieth,  spake  them  in  thy  name  as  well  as  his  own,  for  he  stood 
m  thy  stead.  It  was  only  thy  sins,  and  those  of  others,  which 
exposed  him  to  condemnation  !  and  thou  seest  what  his  confi- 
dence was  beforehand,  that  God  would  justify  him.  And  if  he 
had  left  any  of  them  unsatisfied  for,  he  had  not  been  justified 

"rj?^e*1  IS  ^  naystery  of  godliness,"  especially  in  every  thinp  respecting  tU- 
aoly  Inuity.  Eternity  will  be  employed  in  developing  the  divinity  and  clorv 
of  our  redemption.  That  the  PATHEB  should  become  the  God  of  the  Son,  by 
the  incarnation !  And  that  "  God  manifest  in  the  flesh,"  should  believe,  obey, 
and  suffer;  and  "through  the  Eternal  Spirit,"  thus  "offer  himself  a  sacrifice  to 
God,"  in  the  truth  of  the  nature  which  he  had  assumed— What  a  depth  is  here ! 
"Angels  desire  to  look  into  it."  The  whole  univeise  is  interested  in  it  and  wjll 
h«  affected  by  it  for  ever. — ED. 


180  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VI, 

But  by  his  being  justified  from  all  sin,  shall  all  shiners  be  justified 
who  believe  hi  him  1  Certainly  for  this  very  reason  our  sins 
shall  not  hinder  our  coming  to  God.  He  then  brings  in  those 
words,  John  xvii,  '  For  their  sakes  I  sanctify  myself,  that  they 
also  may  be  sanctified  through  the  truth.'  Showing  how  we 
possess  all  spiritual  blessings  in  Christ  Jesus." 

I  found  a  sweet  and  clear  light  shine  on  the  above,  and  many 
other  passages  of  the  book ;  and  praised  God  for  the  answer  of 
prayer.  In  short,  I  felt  we  have  all  in  Christ, — and  that  they 
feel  it  most  who  believe  most ! 

December  28. — My  soul  seems  entirely  fixed  on  the  glory  of 
God !  For  some  days  that  thought  has  been  continually  in  my 
mind,  O  that  I  could  really  know  that  he  did  glorify  himself  on 
me  !*  If  I  was  sure  that  all  I  feel  is  according  to  his  will,  then 
whatever  sorrow  or  conflicts  I  endure,  I  should  have  a  continual 
heaven.  I  entreated  the  Lord  to  show  me  what  it  was  to  glorify 
him  ;  and  in  what  manner  the  soul  could  bring  him  most  glory. 

In  a  few  days  my  prayer  was  in  part  answered.  He  showed 
me,  if  a  lamp  was  set  in  the  middle  of  a  table,  and  several  crys- 
tals around  it,  some  more,  some  less  clear,  that  the  clearest 
crystal  would  best  reflect  that  brightness  of  the  lamp.  As  to 
my  question,  Which  were  the  souls  that  brought  most  glory  to 
God  ]  I  was  taught,  that  I  must  judge  nothing  before  the 
time,  for  no  true  judgment  could  be  formed  till  that  day  "  When 
he  should  come  to  be  glorified  in  his  saints  and  admired  in  all 
them  that  believe !"  Then  those  who  had  been  most  emptied 
of  self,  most  deeply  humbled,  and  most  fully  prepared  to  receive 
and  reflect  the  image  of  Christ,  should  eternally  bear  the  high- 
est resemblance  to  theii  Lord.  I  saw  all  good,  all  glory  was 
in  him,  and  nothing  could  bring  honour  to  God,  but  our  becom- 
ing nothing,  that  he  might  be  all  in  all !  I  say,  I  saw  it,  but  I 
mean  in  a  far  deeper  sense  than  ever  I  did  before !  O  how 
short  are  words  !  I  used  to  feel  a  pain  in  writing  a  diary  be- 
cause my  words  seemed  to  convey  more  than  I  meant ;  but  now 
for  some  time  I  have  felt  just-the  contrary.  I  feel  more  than  I 
can  express. 

January  2,  1787. — My  mind  has  been  yesterday  and  to-day, 
much  affected  with  the  thought  of  beginning  a  new  year.  This 
day  five  years  I  left  Cross  Hall  in  company  with  my  dearest 
husband.  O,  what  have  I  seen  in  five  years  !  And  what  may 
I  see  before  the  end  of  the  two  next  1  Those  words  have  been 
much  with  me  for  some  days, — "  Stand  still  and  see  the  salva- 
tion of  the  Lord."  O  that  I  may  learn  to  do  it  in  the  most 
perfect  manner ! 

I  am  amazed  at  the  goodness  of  the  Lord  in  many  things.     I 

*  The  "unction  of  the  Holy  One,"  giving  a  consciousness  of  our  conformity 
to  the  Son  of  God,  and  to  hie  word,  can  alone  bestow  or  continue  this  high  priy; 
fege.— ED. 


J-ART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  181 

eec  him  opening  all  my  way  before  me  day  by  day.  He  cuts 
out  my  work,  and  shows  me  how  to  employ  every  hour.  My 
heavy  affliction,  which  I  continually  feel  from  the  loss  of  my 
dearest  love,  I  do  find  power  to  offer  up  each  moment  to  the 
liord  !  Yea,  I  praise  him  in  the  midst  of  my  sorrow  that  I  have 
such  a  sacrifice  to  offer.  What  hath  my  Saviour  done  and 
suffered  for  me  !  I  shall  not  repent  when  I  get  to  glory  that  I 
have  suffered  a  little  for  him.  Though  of  all  I  have  felt,  nothing 
ever  came  near  this  !  It  has  left  the  finest  strings  of  nature 
bleeding !  But  all  is  well.  I  feel  my  mind  drawn  to  live  on 
that  word,  Thy  will  be  done.  In  that  I  rest,  and  will  for  ever 
rest.  My  soul,  wait  thou  only  upon  God,  for  of  him  cometh 
my  salvation.  A  deep  watchful  spirit  is  what  I  am  praying  and 
waiting  for.  I  mean  that  continual  cleaving  to  Jesus,  which  is 
implied  in  that  word, — Thou  wilt  keep  him  in  perfect  peace, 
whose  mind  is  stayed  on  thee. 

January  9. — Thinking  this  morning  of  my  temptation,  that 
my  feeling  of  God  is  not  sensible,  and  consequently  my  joy 
but  weak, — the  following  thought  came  to  my  mind,  Do  I  not 
believe  the  whole  world  lieth  in  the  wicked  one,  and  that  he 
leadeth  them  captive  at  his  will  ?  But  was  I  conscious  of  his 
presence  or  power  in  any  manner  that  could  be  called  sensible  ? 
I  was  not.  Do  I  not  believe  this  was  my  own  state  ?  I  do :  I 
know  I  abode  in  the  wicked  one,  and  was  led  captive  at  hi* 
will.  But  I  know  I  was  in  him,  by  the  way  and  disposition  I 
walked  in.  I  walked  in  the  way  to  hell,  adding  sin  to  sin ; 
except  when  now  and  then  a  touch  of  God  interfered.  I  walked 
in  the  disposition  of  loving  and  caring  for  life ;  I  took  my  own 
care  ou  myself,  apd  sought  my  own  i.appiness  out  of  God.  But 
I  called  all  this  following  my  reason,  and  my  understanding,  so 
that  all  the  work  of  the  wicked  one  on  the  spirit  was  invisible, 
and  hidden  from  me.  Now  the  Apostle  says,  "  As  ye  have 
rendered  your  members  servants  to  iniquity,  so  render  them 
unto  righteousness."  Thus  the  work  of  God  on  the  spirit  is 
invisible,  and  hidden  many  times.  But  I  have  known  the  sen- 
sible deliverance,  and  the  converting  power ;  and  now  also  he 
leads  me  in  a  way  and  disposition  just  contrary  to  what  I  was 
— in  the  way  to  heaven,  for  I  feel  my  treasure  is  there,  though 
I  seem  to  know  only  the  marks  of  his  feet.  I  feel  my  wishes 
dead  to  all  of  earth.  I  feel  his  will  is  rny  refuge  !  and  as  to  my 
disposition,  I  long  for  full  conformity  to  him.  I  live  in  an  act 
of  offering  up  my  whole  self  to  God  almost  every  moment  with 
a  blessed  degree  of  peaceful  earnestness.  And  therefore  I  will 
rejoice  in  this.  If  I  knew  before  that  I  was  in  the  evil  one, 
and  led  by  his  will,  though  I  had  only  a  hidden  communion ;  I 
know  now  I  dwell  in  God,  and  am  led  by  his  will,  though  I 
have  not  what  some  call  sensible  joy.*  But  I  seem  to  Have 

•  How  greatly  was  she  perplexed  on  this  point  by  the  injudicious  converse 

16 


182  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

given  my  hand  to  God,  as  a  child  to  its  mother,  and  he 
leads  me  hour  by  hour.  The  above  thought  was  much  blest  to 
me.  A  sweet  light  shone  on  the  work  of  grace  in  my  soul,  and 
I  have  since  quietly  leaned  upon  the  bosom  of  my  Saviour. 

January  10. — All  day  yesterday  my  faith  seemed  to  grow 
ttronger,  and  more  nakedly  to  hang  on  Jesus.  Now  and  then 
also  sweet  glimpses  of  the  glorious  power  of  faith  opened  before 
me.  I  said,  Lord,  give  me  a  word  to  be  as  a  sword  in  my  hand ! 
Immediately  it  came  into  my  mind, 

"  I  shall  o'ercome  through  faith  alone, 
And  stand  entire  at  last." 

April  30. — Having  been  called  to  take  a  journey,  J  often 
thought,  while  changing  from  place  to  place,  and  meeting  with 
some  things  rather  difficult,  that  I  was  as  a  ball  which  could 
never  fall  wrong.  I  left  all  to  God,  and  every  thing  came  right. 
Yet  my  loss  and  painful  remembrance  of  what  the  circumcising 
knife  of  death  had  done,  seemed  to  be  renewed  by  every  scene. 
Herein  I  learned  a  lesson. — Many  had  said,  a  journey  would 
help  me ;  variety  of  objects  would  tend  to  lessen  my  grief.  But 
I  did  not  find  it  so.  My  health  was  more  poorly  than  at  home, 
and  sorrow  seemed  increased,  and  not  lessened,  by  all  I  met 
with.  Nevertheless  I  saw  the  will  of  God,  and  can  say,  He 
gave  me  to  acquiesce  every  moment ;  and  whatever  my  body 
might  feel,  my  soul  gained  good,  and  my  faith  is  much  increased 
by  a  thousand  instances  of  the  love  and  care  of  my  adorable 
Saviour  manifested  to  me  in  that  season.  Deep  humiliation 
attended  me  in  all  my  exercises,  public  or  private ;  and  I  know 
the  journey  was  of  the  Lord. 

May  3. — Since  my  return  home,  I  have  felt  my  soul  sink 
deeper  into  God.  Some  time  ago  I  was  awaked  with  these 
words, — 

"  Give  to  the  winds  thy  fears, 
Hope,  and  be  undismay'd  ; 
God  hears  thy  sighs  and  counts  thy  tears, 
God  shall  lift  up  thy  head."" 

Two  days  ago  I  was  stirred  up  with  reading  those  words  in 
Dr.  Doddridge's  Life,  "  There  must  be  an  enlargement  of  soul 
before  any  remarkable  success  on  others,  and  a  great  diligence 
in  prayer  and  strict  watchfulness  over  my  own  soul,  previous 
to  any  remarkable  and  habitual  enlargement  in  my  ministry ; 
and  deep  humiliation  must  precede  both."  I  cried  for  power 
to  redouble  player.  I  was  afterward  much  tempted,  but  in 
prayer  I  saw  how  perfect  a  sacrifice  Christ  had  paid  to  the 
Father  foi  all  my  sins  !  I.  at  this  moment^xult  in  the  thought, 

Pi'iiy  absolved  through  this  I  am, 

••:<•,  and  sin,  from  guilt  and  shame." 

tfon  of  some  of  her  friends,  whom  the  Lord,  for  wise  and  good  reasons,  led  in  a 
way  more  directly  sensible ! — ED. 


PART   VI.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  183 

August  16. — All  this  last  fortnight  has  been  a  time  of  great 
trial  to  me ;  I  think  as  deep  as  in  the  last  year.  Every  hour 
presented  some  part  of  the  awful  scene.  A  few  days  before 
the  anniversary  of  my  dear  love's  death,  I  waked  one  morning 
out  of  a  dream,  in  some  measure  spiritual,  but  could  recollect 
little  of  it.  I  was  thinking,  Will  the  Lord  indulge  me  on  tha* 
day  with  such  communion  with  my  dear  love  as  he  did  on  the 
last  fourteenth  of  August  ?  These  words  were  then  applied  to 
my  mind,  * 

"  Be  in  all  alike  resign'd, 
Jesus'  was  a  patient  mind." 

From  which  I  thought,  I  woidd  not  look  for  it ;  I  saw  the 
leading  of  the  Spirit  at  this  time  was  quiet  resignation.  In 
that  posture  therefore  I  have  held  my  soul  before  him :  and  on 
that  day  I  did  not  find  any  such  communion  as  on  the  former 
anniversary. 

December  8. — Sally  being  ill  with  a  bad  cough,  which  that 
morning  seemed  worse,  her  head  also  much  affected,  and  some 
fever,  I  asked  of  the  Lord  in  submission,  her  restoration.  She 
scarcely  coughed  afterward !  Her  head  was  no  more  affected, 
and  she  found  herself,  from  that  time,  quite  well !  This  parti- 
cular answer  to  prayer  raised  much  thankfulness  in  my  heart. 
O  Lord  Jesus !  I  ask  in  thy  name  to  be  made  the  temple  of 
God  through  the  Spirit !  O  Lord,  in  Jesus'  name  I  ask,  do  all 
thy  will ! 

December  10. — For  two  days  various  texts  have  dwelt  on 
my  mind,  relating  to  suffering ;  and  yesterday  an  observation 
which  Mr.  Home  made  in  his  sermon  was  blest  to  me,  viz. 
That  those  virtues  were  most  valuable,  that  most  prepared  us 
for  suffering,  because  by  that  we  were  most  conformable  to  our 
Buffering  Head.  I  know  not  the  cause,  but  my  spirit  has  all 
day  been  much  depressed.  I  am  very  poorly  in  body  ;  and  the 
sense  of  my  separation  from  my  precious  love  seems  to  enter 
as  iron  into  my  soul.  But  blessed  be  the  Lord,  it  does  not  pre- 
vent me  from  following  the  order  of  my  God. 

December  17. — These  words  were  given  me,  with  some 
power, — "  With  the  Lord  is  plenteous  redemption,  and  he  shall 
save  Israel  from  all  his  sins."  I  have  found  some  answers  to 
prnyer  this  week,  and  my  soul  is  thirsting  and  waiting  for  the 
fulfilment  of  this  promise.  lord,  show  me  how  I  may  be  most 
perfectly  pleasing  unto  thee  !  Desire  increases  in  my  soul ; 
yet  there  is  a  want  unsupplied.  I  long  to  know  how  to  get 
into  a  full  and  close  communion. 

It  seems  to  me  since  prayer  this  afternoon,  that  there  is  but 
this  one  way,  a  looking  continually  unto  Jeeu.-  ^elites 

to  the  brazen  serpent. 

January  10,  1788. — And  do  I  see  the  becii;:.ing  of  another 
year !  I  can  still  set  to  my  seal,  the  L  ,>rc  -ears  and  anawen 


184  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

prayer.    O  that  this  year  may  all  be  devoted  to  thee  my  ador- 
able Head. 

January  17. — I  was  blest  last  night  in  what  Mr.  Home  said 
of  his  former  experience,  That  "  he  took  those  words,  Pray 
without  ceasing,  in  a  literal  sense,  and  strove  every  moment 
to  be  in  the  real  act  of  prayer.  Soon  after  he  was  brought  into 
.so  spiritual  a  frame  that  wherever  he  went  he  carried  such  a 
Kense  of  the  awful  presence  of  God  as  cannot  be  expressed." 

0  my  Saviour,  I  waflt  more  of  this  !     My  soul  has  been  kept 
this  day  going  out  after  God  ;  but  I  want  a  fulness  which  I  can- 
not think  but  it  is  the  will  of  God  to  give.     These  words  are 
much  on  rny  mind,  Let  patience  have  its  perfect  work.   And, 
After  ye  have  suffered  awhile,  he  will  strengthen,  stablish, 
settle  you.     I  have  strangely  seen  the  hand  of  God  in  all 
things  !     Every  thing  tells  me,  the  hairs  of  my  head  are  num- 
bered.   Yet  I  cannot  rest  till  I  can  more  fully  glorify  my  God. 
Lord,  increase  my  faith ! 

January  29.— My  way  is  the  way  of  heaviness.  There  is  a 
weight  of  sorrow  lies  on  my  spirit ;  I  cannot  account  for  it. 
Others  have  much  joy ;  I  have  but  little.  My  dear  husband 
used  to  express  the  same  thing ;  but  Oh!  I  did  not  then  under- 
stand him.  Had  I  but  now  the  advantage  of  his  dear  company, 
how  different  a  use  could  I  make  of  it !  Then  I  had  him  to  flee 
to  in  every  trouble,,  and  "  cares  by  dividing  were  hushed  into 
peace."  Now  I  remember  he  used  to  say,  "  What  others  were 
satisfied  with,  he  was  not."  And  really  so  it  is ;  for  I  am  sure 

1  have  more  of  God  than  I  had  then.    And  yet  I  was  then  quite 
satisfied  very  often ;  and  had  I  kept  the  presence  of  God,  as  I 
now  do,  I  should  have  called  it  walking  in  constant  peace.  But 
Oh !  I  want  a  clear  passage  into  the  heart  of  my  Beloved  !     I 
think  I  can  truly  say,  « I  wrestle  not  with  flesh  and  blood,"  I 
feel  no  temptation  to  any  sin.     But  I  am  fiercely  attacked  with 
weights  of  sorrow,  and  thoughts  that  like  barbed  arrows  tear 
my  heart. 

This  day  I  have  covenanted  afresh  with  the  Lord,  to  try  what 
a  total  abandonment  will  do.  From  this  day,  (four  o'clock  in 
the  afternoon,  January  29,)  I  abandon  myself  without  reserve, 
delivering  up  myself  into  the  hands  of  God,  to  the  end  that  he 
may  execute  on  me  his  whole  will,  whether  in  the  way  of 
justice  or  mercy.  I  will  embrace  all  sufferings  of  every  k'ind  • 
though  I  should  see  that  they  are  the  consequences  of  my 
former  sins,  or  present  follies.  Yea,  1  am  thine,  my  Jesus,  save 
It  thou  wilt  not  save  me,  I  am  lost  for  ever !  But  I  will 
singly  trust  in  Jesus !  I  will  turn  to  no  other  for  help.  I  have- 
long  tried  what  creatures  could  do,  but  all  in  vain.  Now  I  will 
renounce  all  reasonings— all  reflections  on  my  state ;  and  only 
fix  the  eye  of  my  soul  on  Jesus,  always  content  with  what  thou 
giveet  me,  Lord !  though  it  should  only  be  a  bare  remembrance 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  185 

of  thy  presence,  and  an  alacrity  to  meet  thy  will ;  and  this  thou 
dost  give.  The  strongest  desire  of  my  soul  is,  that  thy  will 
Eaay  be  done  in  me. 

I  was  blest  to-day  by  an  observation  in  a  spiritual  writer, 
"  Not  to  come  out  of  abandonment,  in  the  extreme  pains  through 
which  we  pass,  is  something ;  but  the  not  coming  out  of  repose 
in  this  abandonment,  whatever  trials  we  may  pass  through  in 
all  the  rough  paths  where  we  may  tread, — this  it  is  which  is 
rery  precious  in  the  sight  of  God."*  Again  she  observes, 
"lake  as  he  who  is  in  a  ship  moves  not  himself,  but  leaves 
himself  to  be  moved  by  the  motion  of  the  ship  in  which  he  is; 
so  the  heart  which  is  embarked  in  the  Divine  good  pleasure, 
ought  not  to  have  any  will  of  its  own,  but  leave  itself  to  be 
carried  by  the  will  of  God." 

February  12. — This  morning,  in  my  hour  of  prayer,  I  had 
some  sweet  glimpses  of  the  all-sufficiency  of  Christ.  He  bore 
the  whole  weight  of  my*  sins  before  I  had  committed  one ;  yea, 
before  I  was  in  being  he  made  a  full,  perfect,  and  sufficient 
sacrifice,  oblation,  and  satisfaction,  "  for  the  sins  of  the  whole 
world."  Again,  I  had  a  feeling  sense  of  these  words,  "  He  is 
made  of  God  unto  us,  wisdom,  and  righteousness,  and  sancti- 
fication,  and  redemption."  I  was  led  much  to  cry  for  a  strong 
and  powerful  faith,  and  for  deep  humility.  I  find,  on  reflection, 
I  love  to  be  abased,  yea,  I  embrace  contempt  as  with  open 
arms  :  but  I  do  not  properly  acquiesce,  when  the  trial  presents 
itself.  I  rather  start  back,f  and  only  embrace  it  in  the  second 
thought.  Therefore,  I  am  not  so  sunk  into  Christ  as  to  be  fully 
a  new  creature.  Lord,  grant  me  this,  and  I  shall  have  an  in- 
contestable evidence  of  what  thou  hast  done  ! 

Feb.  28,  Thursday. — On  Tuesday  night,  as  one  was  saying, 
"  I  do  not  desire  to  look  on  myself  at  all,  I  only  want  to  look 
at  Jesus  Christ,  for  when  I  look  on  myself  I  reason ;"  I  felt  it 
come  with  power  to  my  heart,  and  ever  since  I  have  felt  a 
farther  lift  in  faith. 

April  3. — Last  Friday  Mr.  Wesley  came.  It  was  a  time  of 
hurry,  but  also  of  profit  above  any  time  I  ever  had  with  him 
before.  I  could  not  but  discern  a  great  change.  His  soul 

*  This  high  attainment  in  the  divine  life  may  not  be  easily  understood,  as  ex- 
pressed by  this  "spiritual  writer."  The  inspired  writers  express  it  with  the 
utmost  plainness  and  simplicity.  It  is  indeed  the  being  saved  from  all  self-will, 
and  in  consequence,  the  resting  every  moment  in  the  will  of  God.  It  is  thus 
only  we  can  "  rejoice  evermore,  and  in  every  thing  give  thanks."  Tlie  faitii  by 
which  we  are  thus  saved  can  only  be  sustained  by  "  praying  without  ceasing ," 
as  Kempis  finely  expresses  it,  "  To  thee  is  my  heart  without  a  voice,  and  my 
silence  speaketh  unto  thee !"  Such  is  the  victory  given  by  "  Christ's  dwelling  in 
the  heart  by  faith,"  Ephesians  iii,  17.— ED. 

t  We  ought  to  feel  a  repugnance,  yea,  "  an  abhorrence  to  that  which  iseriL" 
But  this  should  be  attended  with  resignation  to  the  Lord.  In  this  abhorrence, 
and  in  this  resignation,  "  the  mirid  of  Christ,"  principally  consists,  and  they  wen 
constantly  manifest  in  the  whole  of  his  blessed  life  and  conduct.— ED, 

16* 


186  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  Vf» 

aeems  far  more  sunk  into  God,  and  such  an  unction  attends  his 
word,  that  each  sermon  was  indeed  spirit  and  life.  In  preach- 
ing on  the  Trinity,  he  observed,  it  was  our  duty  to  believe 
according  to  the  word  of  God ;  but  we  were  not  called  to  com- 
prehend :  that  was  impossible.  Bring  me,  said  he,  a  worm  that 
can  comprehend  a  man,  and  I  will  show  you  a  man  that  can 
comprehend  God.  He  observed,  that  if  three  candles  were 
burning  in  a  room,  the  light  was  but  one.* 

Many  answers  to  prayer  I  found  during  the  season  they  were 
here,  and  though  my  body  is  now  too  weak  for  any  hurry,  yet 
all  was  ordered  well,  and  we  were  carried  through  with  toler- 
able ease,  and  every  opportunity  was  blest  to  my  soul. 

Yesterday  I  heard,  that  dear  Mr.  Charles  Wesley  died  on 
Saturday  last !  O,  how  often  have  we,  in  years  that  are  past, 
taken  sweet  counsel  together !  It  has  left  a  deep  solemnity  on 
my  spirit. 

April  11. — Last  night  I  felt  a  peculiar  liberty  in  prayer,  in 
begging  for  mercy  in  behalf  of  my  friends  in  Switzerland.  It 
seems  to  me  it  will  be  answered  through  my  nephew.  He 
grows  in  grace,  and  at  some  seasons  appears  to  enjoy  very  deep 
communion  with  God.  O,  how  shall  I  praise  the  Lord  for  his 
great  goodness  and  abundant  faithfulness  to  his  poor  creature  ! 

May  2. — I  often  wish  I  had  more  time  to  attend  to  my  diary : 
such  wonderful  answers  to  prayer  are  given  to  me,  as  ought  to 
be  recorded. 

"  Why  should  the  wonders  he  hath  \vrought 
Be  lost  in  darkness  and  forgot." 

May  15,  Monday. — It  is  amazing  how  the  Lord  answers 
prayer.  I  have'written  letters,  (I  may  say  in  faith,)  about  this 
preaching  house,  and  have  met  with  success  beyond  all  expec- 
tation. If  we  can  but  get  the  ground,  all  will  be  well.  I  do 
think  the  whole  hundred  will  be  made  up  before  we  strike  one 
stroke.  On  Saturday  evening,  considering  these  words,  "  No- 
thing shall  be  impossible  to  you,"  I  acted  faith  on  the  Lord  for 
spiritual  blessings, — for  that  fulness  I  long  for.  I  prayed  that 
I  miglit  have  the  next  day  a  better  Sabbath  than  common,  and 
so  it  Was.  In  the  morning  meeting  I  found  a  farther  degree 
of  resignation,  and  entire  confidence  in  Jesus ;  and  in  that  spirit 
I  passed  the  day,  during  which  I  had  to  encounter  such  a  vari- 
ety of  incumbrances  and  trials,  as  were  quite  uncommon.  This 
encouraged  me  much.  Both  Mr.  Home's  sermons  were  blest 
to  me,  and  the  noon  meeting  was  attended  with  an  extraor- 
dinary power.  I  find  it  best  to  carry  every  thing  to  Jesus,  and 
draw  all  from  him,  determined  to  believe  that  he  who  hath  un- 
dertaken my  cause  wili  ^ot  leave  his  work  imperfect. 

*  O  that  men  were  eatiaficri  thus  to  believe,  and  wait  upon  the  High  and  lafty 
OKK,  that  they  .night  comprehend,  in  its  glorious  f/ccts,  the  doctrine  of  Uw 
•acred  THREE,— EC, 


PART  VI.I  MRS.  FLETCHER.  187 

June  11. — For  some  days  I  have  had  a  clearer  sight  of  the 
perfect  Saviour  than  ever  in  my  life  before !  1  was  much  blest 
in  considering  the  type  of  the  brazen  serpent.  The  following 
observations,  as  I  read  them  in  a  bopk  which  fell  into  my  hands, 
made  a  deep  impression  on  my  mind.  First,  "  It  may  seem 
strange,  that  a  serpent  should  be  an  emblem  of  the  amiable  and 
dove-like  Redeemer;  but, Moses'  serpent  was  void  of  poison, 
and  had  no  sting,  but  was  only  in  the  form  of  a  serpent.  So 
'God  sent  his  own  Son  in  the  likeness  of  sinful  flesh,'  but  an 
utter  stranger  to  the  venom  of  sin.  Again,  it  was  a  method  of 
cure  solely  constituted  and  appointed  of  God.  Who  could 
liave  thought  that  looking  at  a  dead  serpent,  and  of  brass,  could 
have  cured  the  bite  of  a  living  one !  Especially  if  it  be  true 
what  some  affirm,  that  the  sight  of  burnished  brass  is  naturally 
pernicious  to  those  who  are  bitten  of  serpents,  and  that  to  look 
on  the  shape  of  any  venomous  creature  increases  the  torment 
of  the  unhappy  sufferers  who  are  bitten  by  them.  So,  the 
method  of  our  recovery  by  the  cross  of  Christ,  is  a  device  which 
claims  God  himself  for  its  divine  author:  and  thus  the  whole 
method  of  Gospel  salvation  is,  '  to  them  who  perish  foolishness, 
but  to  those  who  believe,  it  is  the  wisdom  of  God,  and  the 
power  of  God.'  Secondly,  It  was  a  method  of  cure  that  never 
failed ;  being  no  less  sure  than  strange.  Not  an  Israelite  died, 
as  Moses  assures  us,  who  looked  at  the  brazen  serpent :  and 
who  were  ever  confounded  that  trusted  in  Christ !  Thirdly,  It 
was  a  method  of  cure  easily  put  in  practice  by  an  Israelite.  If 
he  received  his  wound  in  a  remote  part  of  the  camp,  and  was 
too  ill  to  draw  near,  yet  if  he  turned  his  eye  and  looked  at  the 
serpent  lifted  up  for  him,  it  was  enough ;  he  was  healed ! 
Fourthly,  It  was  a  remedy  that  might  be  repeated  as  often  as 
there  was  occasion  for  it.  So  '  Christ  is  the  propitiation  for 
our  sins,'  to  whom  we  may  warrantably  have  recourse  as  often 
as  we  are  wounded,  and  in  every  time  of  need.  Fifthly,  It  was 
a  remedy  that  proved  effectual,  though  the  sight  of  the  wounded 
person  was  ever  so  weak.  So  weak  faitli  is  saving  in  its.de- 
gree,  as  well  as  strong,  because  the  object  is  the  same."  *  Lhad 
such  a  clear  view  how  all  our  wants  were  supplied  by  Jesus  as. . 
I  cannot  express.  Yes,  he  has  atoned  for  all  our  sins  i  he  has 
"  reconciled  us  to  God  while  we  were  yet  enemies  !"  Bm^we 
must  look  to,  and  trust  in  him  alone  ;  and  we  may  look  every 
moment.  The  following  day,  Sunday,  as  also  Monday  and 
Tuesday,  I  had  much  outward  exercise,  but  was  carried  through 
all  as  in  the  arms  of  the  Almighty. 

July  16. — I  was  this  day  led  to  consider  the  advantage  of 
living  longer,  if  the  Lord  should  not  take  me  at  the  time  sister 
Ryan's  dream  seemed  to  point  out,  vz.  the  beginning  of  next 
year.  This  subject  I  set  myself  to  consider,  lest  any  murmur- 
ing thought  should  present  itself  in  the  disappointment.  First, 


188  THE  LIFE  Of  {PART  Vf. 

If  I  Bhould  live,  it  must  be  the  will  of  God,  and  is  not  his  will 
dear  to  me  ?  It  is  true,  I  may  have  much  more  to  suffer,  but  is 
not  that  suffering  the  will  of  God  1  Perhaps  I  can  serve  God's 
children,  both  their  souls  and  bodies ;  and  did  not  my  Lord  ab- 
sent himself  from  the  joys  of  heaven  to  become  a  man  of  sorrows 
for  me  1  Nor  is  it  to  be  despised  if  I  can  thus  help  my  Lord's 
people  by  my  income.  Mr.  Baxter  says,  «  Do  good  to  men's 
bodies,  if  you  would  do  good  to  their  souls.  Say  not,  things 
corporeal  are  worthless  trifles  for  which  the  receivers  will  be 
never  the  better.  They  are  things  which  nature  is  easily  sen- 
sible of;  and  sense  is  the  passage  to  the  mind  and  will.  Dost 
thou  not  find  what  a  help  it  is  to  thyself  to  have  at  any  time 
ease,  or  alacrity  of  body ;  and  what  a  burden  and  hinderance 
pains  and  cares  are  ?  Labour  then  to  free  others  from  such 
burdens  and  temptations,  and  be  not  regardless  of  them."  In- 
deed, I  see  it  a  great  honour  if  I  am  permitted  to  sweep  the 
dust  from  under  the  feet  of  the  saints.  Again,  I  believe  there 
is  a  mansion  appointed  for  each,  a  state  and  employment  for 
which  we  are  to  be  fitted.  It  does  not  appear  I  am  fitted  for 
the  lowest  mansion  there ;  but  then  I  know  my  Jesus  can  do 
the  work  of  a  thousand  years  in  one  day,  and  I  know  I  may,  as 
my  righteousness,  claim  the  Lord  my  Saviour. 

August  5. — Last  night  I  had  a  powerful  sense,  in  my  sleep, 
of  the  presence  of  my  dear  husband.  I  felt  such  sweet  com- 
munion with  his  spirit  as  gave  me  much  peaceful  feeling.  I 

IA-A      S°me  days  thou£ht  that !  was  called  to  res»st  more  than 

did,  that  strong  and  lively  remembrance-  of  various  scenes 

both  of  his  last  sickness,  and  many  other  circumstances,  which 

frequently  occurred  with  much  pain.  This  thought  being  present 

to  my  mind,  I  looked  on  him.     He  said  with  a  most  sweet  smile, 

.t  is  better  to  forget."     What,  said  I,  my  dear  love,  to  forget 

another  ?    He  replied  with  an  inexpressible  sweetness,  "  It 

:s  better  to  forget ;  it  will  not  be  long ;  we  shall  not  be  parted 

long ;  we  shall  soon  meet  again."    He  then  signified,  though 

not  in  words,  that  all  weights  should  be  laid  aside.   His  presence 

continued  till  I  awoke. 

August  15.— Last  night  was  the  anniversary  of  my  dear  hus- 
band s  death.  Three  years  I  have  now  passed"  in  solemn,  awfti 
widowhood;  but,  glory  be  to  my  God !  I  have  found  it  three 
years  of  prayer.  Never  did  I  know  three  years  of  such  suffer- 
ing, and  never  did  I  know  three  years  of  such  prayer.  Some- 
1  have  sweet  glimpses  of  the  millennial  state  brought  into 

'    fru^fe?  my  Way  seems  thorny'  and  as  if  I  walked 

wholly  by  faith,  like  my  dream  of  the  little  star.*    Yet  I  am 

scious  of  a  great  change  :  but  I  want  a  more  abundant  evi- 

that  not  only  many,  but  «  all  things  are  become  new." 

It  seemed  as?  a  my  dear  husband  remembered  the  season,  for  I 

*  See  page  80, 


PART  VI.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  189 

had  a  most  particular  dream.  I  thought  the  side  of  his  tomb 
was  opened,  (I  mean  the  wall  on  which  the  iron  plate  lies,)  and 
I  saw  him  lying  under  it,  while  I  lay  at  his  side.  We  remained 
so  a  considerable  time,  and  I  felt  that  sweet  tranquil  composure 
that  I  always  do  when  he  seems  sensibly  present.  He  then 
said,  with  a  sweetness  which  I  cannot  describe,  "  Put  thy  arm 
over  me  and  feel  what  companions  I  have ;  they  must  be  thy 
companions  too."  I  put  my  arms  and  felt  bones  and  broken 
coffins,  at  which  nature  seemed  to  shrink,  but  I  did  not  speak. 
He  tenderly  answered  to  my  thought,  "Thou  wilt  lay  thy  head 
upon  me."  I  felt  some  regret  at  the  thought  of  his  being  there. 
He  again  answered  to  my  thought,  "  I  entered  this  habitation 
with  great  comfort  and  satisfaction."  Then  I  thought  two 
gentlemen  came  up,  and  stood  by  the  tomb,  and  sa.id  one  to  the 
other,  "  It  is  a  pity  Mr.  Fletcher  was  laid  here,  it  would  have 
been  better  to  have  carried  him  to  Mr.  Ireland's  vault."  My 
dear  love  looked  on  them  and  answered,  "  There  was  no  need 
of  that.  We  count  it  our  privilege  to  be  laid  together,  and  we 
ought  to  count  it  our  privilege  both  to  rise  from  one  spot." 

August  28. — All  this  week  my  soul  has  been  drawn  out  after 
that  promise,  "  He  shall  baptize  you  with  the  Holy  Ghost,  and 
with  fire."  Indeed  it  is  a  narrow  way.  I  seem  fighting  with 
principalities  and  powers ;  but  blessed  be  God,  I  do  not  eeem 
ever  to  be  fighting  with  sin.  Yet  I  am  not  at  rest :  I  am  not 
entered  into  perfect  rest.  I  can  say,  "  I  wrestle  not  now,  but 
trample  on  sin ;"  but  I  want  what  I  have  not,  and  which  I 
firmly  believe  I  shall  have.  Yet  when  I  think  death  is  near,  I 
seem  almost  impatient  for  that  fulness,  that  I  may  begin  to  live 
to  my  God  in  the  full  sense. 

January  1, 1789.— I  feel  my  soul  affected  much  at  the  thought, 
of  seeing  the  beginning  of  another  year.  Perhaps  this  will  be 
the  last  with  me.  May  I  live  each  moment  as  if  I  were  sure  it 
would  be  so  !  Lord,  be  with  us  in  renewing  our  covenant  this 
night !  I  have  for  some  time  been  praying  for  an  enlightened 
understanding  in  divine  things  ;  and  light  has  reflected  more 
clearly  on  the  wonderful  work  of  redemption.  These  words 
are  sweet  to  me,  "In  the  Lord  I  have  righteousness  and 
strength !"  The  account  I  have  received  of  my  dear,  Mrs. 
Caley's  death  is  precious.  She  was  not  in  high  rapture,  but  in 
profound  tranquillity  and  peace.  Such  has  been  her  life,  and 
such  her  death.  Lord  let  me  follow  her  as  she  has  followed 
thee  !*  Nurse  Peters  has  also  reached  the  goal.  Glory  be  to 

*  Mrs.  Caley,  well  known  in  that  day  in  London,  was  a  woman  of  the  most 
devoted  spirit,  and  of  the  most  elegant  and  polished  manners.  She,  drank  deeply 
of  the  cup  of  affliction,  but  rejoiced  evermore  in  the  will  of  HIM  who  gave  it  to 
her.  Mr.  Wesley  preached  her  funeral  sermon,  in  London,  from  Philippiang  iv, 
8,  "  Finally,  brethren,  whalsoever  things  are  true,  whatsoever  Uiings  are  honest, 
whatsoever  tilings  are  just,  whatsoever  things  are  pure,  whatsoeK-r  things  arc 
lovely,  whatsoever  things  are  of  good  report;  if  there  Ix;  any  virtue,  aad  if  the*  a 


190  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

thee  my  dear  Lord,  that  I  had  the  honour  of  sending  her  that 
one  guinea,  and  to  have  her  last  message, — that  "  it  helped  her 
to  praise  thee  more  abundantly."  O  how  many  dear  friends 
have  I  on  the  other  side  the  river !  And  I  too  am  on  the  wing-, 
only  I  wait  a  little  till  the  Lord  renew  my  spiritual  strength, — 

"Till  of  my  Eden  repossess'd, 
Prom  self  and  sin  I  cease." 

January  7. — I  have  been  reading  over  some  of  my  old  diary, 
and  found  it  much  blest  to  me.  It  brought  to  my  mind  many 
past  scenes,  which  increased  faith  and  thankfulness ;  also,  it 
cast  a  clearer  light  on  my  present  state.  Comparing  my  pre- 
sent state  with  that  I  felt  at  Hoxton,  I  can  truly  say  now  I  not 
only  feel  all  the  purity,  all  the  spiritual  mindedness,  and  all  the 
resignation  I  did  then,  but  in  many  things  I  prefer  my  present 
dispensation  to  that.  Yet  my  soul  is  not  satisfied,  for  I  see  a 
far  greater  salvation  before  me.  In  short,  it  is  not  the  gift,  but 
the  full  possession  of  the  Giver,  my  spirit  longs  for.  ' 

March  6.— Last  Sunday,  as  I  went  to  the  Lord's  table,  I 
renewed  my  covenant,  determining  to  consider  Jesus  more  im- 
mediately as  the  husband  to  whom  I  am  joined  in  every  sense 
of  the  word  ; — as  he  who  hath  undertaken  all  for  me.  Since 
that  time  I  have  more  particularly  found  my  soul  abiding  in  his 
presence,  and  he  every  moment  carrying  on  the  work  of  puri- 
fication. The  great  promise  of  my  life  on  which  he  hath  made 
me  to  hope,  is  that  given  me  when  eighteen,  "  Thou  shalt  walk 
with  me  in  white,"  and  repeated  in  these  words,  "  Thou  shalt 
walk  with  me  in  white ;  I  will  make  thee  worthy."  The  pos- 
ture of  my  soul  is  that  of  a  poor  beggar  before  the  Lord,  holding 
before  him  that  petition,  "  Lord  accomplish  to  me  the  word  on 
which  thou  hast  made  me  to  hope  I" 

Wednesday,  March  24. — Yesterday  dear  Mr.  Wesley  left  us 
in  apparent  good  health.  What  a  miracle  is  he  !  Eighty-six 
years  old,  and  thus  supported  !  He  is  going  directly  to  Ireland, 
und  thinks  to  visit  every  society  there  this  summer.  The  Lord 
preserve  him  and  accomplish  all  his  will  upon  him !  As  he 
was  speaking  on  Monday,  on  these  words,  "  God  has  not  given 
to  us  the  spirit  of  fear,  but  of  power,  and  of  love,  and  of  a  sound 
mind,"  what  an  unction  attended  the  word !  O  may  we  never, 
never  rest  till  fully  restored  to  that  perfect  soundness  he  de- 
scribed ! 

be  any  praise,  think  on  these  things."  He  declared  that  he  never  knew  one  who 
thought  more  upon  this  divine  assemblage  of  graces,  or  with  more  success.  Speak- 
ing of  her  loving  and  unwearied  efforts  to  win  souls  for  God,  he  quoted  that  line, 
of  Prior, 

"  Manna  was  on  her  tongue,  and  witchcraft  in  her  eyes." 
Nurae  Peters  was  also  well  known  in  London.    She  was  a  plain  good  woman 
of  admirable  sense,  and  deep  experience  in  religion.     It  is  with  great  pleasure 
that  I  embrace  this  opportunity  of  embalming  the  memory  of  those  oxoclleus 
women  by  uniting  thorn  to  that  of  their  admirable  friend. — ED, 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  191 

April  U. — This  Lent  I  have  found  a  deep  sense  of  the  suffer- 
ings of  my  Lord.  Yesterday,  being  Good  Friday,  we  had  a 
solemn  meeting  at  night,  but  I  did  not  find  quite  as  much  life  in 
speaking  as  at  some  times.  The  men  (many  of  them  with 
families,)  who  are  come  to  work  at  the  navigation  lay  much  on 
mind.  We  ought  to  do  something  for  their  souls.  Lord,  open 
the  way !  O  let  them  not  go  without  some  light  at  least. 

April  27. — My  soul  is  all  upon  a  stretch  for  God.  Last  night 
and  this  morning,  as  I  was  repeating  in  prayer,  Thy  will  be 
done !  my  words  were  lost.  I  felt  the  desire  of  his  adorable 
will  being  done  so  strongly,  that  I  was  forced  for  some  time 
only  to  groan.  I  am  continually  led  to  offer  up  my  free  will  to 
God.  I  long  to  be  as  mere  clay  before  him.  I  plead  that  word 
on  which  he  hath  made  me  to  hope,  "Thou  shalt  walk  with  me 
in  white ;  I  will  make  thee  worthy."  Yet  my  faith  hath  a 
strange  drawback  ;  something  would  suggest,  that  it  only  meant 
in  eternity,  and  that  I  should  never  glorify  him  here  as  I  longed 
to  do.  Were  I  to  die  immediately,  this  would  not  be  so  great 
a  trial ;  but  my  health  is  now  much  better.  I  thought  I  saw 
the  port,  but  I  seem  put  back  again ;  and  perhaps  I  may  live 
some  years.  And  must  I  always  live  at  this  poor  rate  ?  My 
very  heart  and  soul  seem  to  groan  for  a  closer  communion  with 
my  God !  At  some  moments  (I  think  every  day)  I  feel  as  it 
were  a  sweet  rest ;  I  seem  centred  in  Jesus.  But  in  a  few 
minutes  it  draws  in  again,  and  then  I  seem  to  be  always  believ- 
ing and  longing,  but  yet  without  any  immediate  answer.  It  is 
true,  faith  does  not  fail ;  it  is  in  constant  exercise,  and  often 
seems  to  hope  against  hope.  But  all  this  I  would  not  mind. 
Though  Naaman  was  made  whole  in  seven  dips,  I  would  not 
.  mind  if  the  Lord  made  me  dip  seventy  times  seven.  But  my 
grief  lies  here,  I  am  condemned,  often  once  or  twice  a  day,  for 
some  word,  or  thought,  or  action — chiefly  in  words.  Indeed 
the  condemnation  does  not  seem  to  be  from  the  Lord,  as  if  it 
would  come  between  my  soul  and  him.  But  I  see  I  have  spoken 
unadvisedly  with  my  lips,  and  I  cannot  bear  the  horror  of  the 
view.  There  arc  some  persons  with  whom  I  have  much  busi- 
ness to  transact,  who  do  not  see  alike,  or  cordially  love  one 
another.  In  some  things  both  are  right,  in  others  both  are 
wrong.  I  have  this  connection  at  present  two  ways,  personally, 
and  by  correspondence,  and  I  find  it  a  hard  thing  to  bear  my 
testimony  against  that  winch  is  wrong,  and  to  approve  that 
which  is  right  in  both,  and  yet  neither  to  write  nor  speak  but 
exactly  so  far  as  truth  and  love  requires.  O  that  I  may  from 
this  day  see,  as  in  letters  of  blood,  before  my  eyes  continually 
those  words  of  the  Apostle,  "He  that  offendeth  not  in  tongue, 
the  same  is  a  perfect  man,  able  also  to  bridle  the  whole  body." 
Ah,  Lord  !  how  far  am  I  yet  from  this  perfection. 

April  29. — I  had  some  liberty  in  prayer  three  tunes  to-day, 


192  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  Vf. 

the  most  in  the  three  o'clock  hour  in  the  room.  I  was  praying 
for  a  clear  discovery  of  the  grace  or  state  I  might  ask  for,  and 
expect.  It  came  before  me  as  a  representation  of  Christ  as  the 
vine,  and  of  my  soul  as  being  a  branch  ingrafted  therein.  Then 
<  I  saw  clearly  that  every  believer  was  a  branch  in  him,  in  part 
united ;  but  when  the  branch  is  perfectly  united,  it  is  absolutely 
a  part  of  the  vine.  The  sap  runs  freely  through  every  part,  it  is 
completely  of  one  nature  with  it.  Then  the  mind  is  in  us  which 
was  also  in  Christ.  We  live  no  longer,  but  Christ  liveth  in 
us,  and  are  preserved  from  moment  to  moment  by  faith.  Now 
if  any  knot  or  impediment  were  in  any  of  the  branches,  it  would 
hinder  the  free  circulation  of  the  pure  sap  through  it,  and  that 
branch  would  wither,  and  in  a  degree  be  barren.  Hence  I  saw 
sanctification  in  a  clearer  light  than  ever.  It  is  to  be  perfectly 
ingrafted  into  the  vine ;  to  have  no  impediment  remaining  to 
hinder  the  flow  of  the  sap,  and  while  the  soul  thus  abides  by- 
faith,  it  brings  forth  much  fruit,  and  experimentally  knows  the 
meaning  of  those  words  of  St.  John,  "  He  that  abideth  in  him 
sinneth  not." 

April  30. — My  soul  hath  been  led  to-day  to»look  at  the  won- 
drous love  of  the  Father !  "  He  spared  not  his  own  Son ;  he 
BO  loved  the  world  as  to  lay  on  him  the  iniquity  of  us  all" — and 
"  shall  he  not  with  him  freely  give  us  all  things  ?" 

June  4. — Satan  is  striving  hard  to  draw  my  mind  back,  but  I 
have  found  this  day  a  liberty  to  commit  my  whole  cause  into 
the  hands  of  God.  I  feel  a  strong  encouragement  from  these 
words,  Every  one  that  asketh  receiveth.  I  ask  in  Jesus'  name 
to  be  made  a  holy  soul !  O  that  all  this  day  I  may  be  kept, 
and  directed  by  the  Lord,  and-walk  as  in  his  immediate  presence. 

0  for  that  mind  that  was  in  thee  ! 

June  26. — Various  providences  of  late,  have  more  and  more 
convinced  me  of  the  need  of  a  farther  change.  I  have  it  at 
times ;  but  something  arises  that  seems  selfish  ;  and  again,  like 
anger  for  a  moment,  which  though  never  abiding,  clearly  con- 
vinces me  I  have  not  yet  entered  fully  into  rest.  I  long  to  be 
all  devoted  to  ray  Lord,  and  to  bring  glory  to  him  by  every  power. 

July  6. — At  the  class,  as  I  was  saying,— It  was  not  any  pecu- 
liar or  sudden  comforts  that  so  tended  to  the  soul's  sanctifi- 
cation, as  a  constant  abandonment  and  resignation  of  the  whole 
soul,  with  every  concern,  into  the  hand  of  Jesus ;  1  felt  in  a 
moment  such  an  insight  into  the  love,  faithfulness  and  wisdom 
of  Christ,  as  I  cannot  describe.  O  the  security  I  saw  in  aban- 
doning my  soul  to  him !  It  was  for  a  minute  glorious  indeed. 

1  kept  looking,  but  it  drew  back,  as  if  a  curtain  was  for  a  mo- 
ment drawn  up,  discovering  some  glorious  scene,  and  then 
gradually  let  down  again.    But  it  has  left  an  increase  of  con- 
fidence.    O  could  I  always  feel  what  I  felt  just  then,  it  seems 
to  me  it  would  be  a  real  heaven,  and  banish  all  sensibility  <>.' 


93  " 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  293 

fear  and ,  suffering.  It  was  what  I  never  felt  before  in  that 
degree. 

July  15.— I  had  some  liberty  in  prayer  this  morning,  as  also 
at  the  ten  o'clock  hour.  I  found  a  blessing  also  in  reading  Mr. 
Whitefield's  account  of  the  dealings  of  God  with  his  soul, 
written  on  board  the  ship  in  his  way  to  Philadelphia.  He 
prayed  for  the  humility  of  Jesus ;  and  observes,  "  From  my  first 
awakening  to  the  divine  life,  I  felt  a  particular  hungering  and 
thirsting  after  the  humility  of  Jesus  Christ.  Night  and  day  I 
prayed  to  be  a  partaker  of  that  grace,  imagining  that  the  habit 
of  humility  would  be  instantaneously  infused  into  my  soul.  But 
as  Gideon  taught  the  men  of  Succoth  with  thorns,  so  God 
taught  me  humility  by  the  exercise  of  strong  temptation."  I 
was  thus  led  to  consider  the  point ;  and  though  I  clearly  dis- 
cerned the  same  workings  of  Providence  over  myself,  how  often 
have  I  been  led  to  pray  more  for  humility  than  for  any  other 
grace,  because  by  nature  it  is  the  virtue  I  am  the  most  contrary 
to ;  but  in  my  deep  affliction,  I  now  discern,  this  was  the  Lord's 
way.  There  have  been  many  seasons  in  which,  through  pride, 
imprudence,  sin  of  various  kinds,  I  have  brought  great  humilia- 
tions on  myself;  and  even  where  they  are  caused  by  our  owri 
sin,  if  they  are  borne  with  subjection  of  spirit  to  the  corrections 
of  God,  they  work  in  the  end  for  the  salvation  of  the  soul.  But 
at  the  season  I  refer  to,  that  of  the  death  of  my  dear  husband, 
although  it  really  seemed  I  spoke  and  acted  in  an  upright  spirit, 
and  am  now  conscious  how  tender  my  heart  was  with  the  fear 
of  offending,  yet  I  said  and  did  many,  very  many,  unwise  things 
which  tended  to  lessen  me  greatly  in  the  eyes  of  others.  O 
how  needful  for  me  to  lie  still  in  the  hand  of  God,  making  it 
my  only  business  to  accept  of  every  thing  as  from  the  Lord's 
hand,  hanging  on  that  word  by  faith,  Thou  shatt  walk  with  me 
in  white !  I  am  convinced  that  the  most  profitable  of  all  hu- 
miliations, are  those  that  arise,  through  his  grace,  from  a  view 
of  our  own  blunders,  and  even  from  our  corruptions. 

September  14. — I  have  been  much  drawn  to  pray,  that  the 
great  design  of  the  Lord's  coming  may  be  answered,  That 
Tie  may  destroy  the  works  of  the  devil.  I  see,  through  his 
grace,  my  understanding  is  darkened.  I  ask  in  Jesus'  name 
this  work  to  be  destroyed ;  for  by  the  knowledge  of  Christ  alone 
can  I  be  changed  into  his  likeness.  I  see  Satan  raises  false 
fears,  false  views,  and  wandering  imaginations :  I  ask  deliver- 
ance from  all  these  !*  My  soul  lies  before  the  Lord  in  a  waiting 
posture  :  in  particular  I  ask  power  to  consecrate  the  faculty  of 

*  It  is  not  clear  that  those  great  and  precious  promises,  by  which  we  are  made 
,partakers  of  the  Divine  nature,  secure  to  believers  such  a  deliverance  from 
these  attacks,  that  they  should  not  trouble  them,  and  at  times,  even  agonize  the 
eoul.  But  they  secure  to  them  such  an  abiding  in  Christ,  that  none  of  those  de- 
vices should  prevail  to  unsettle  their  faith,  or  separate  them  from  his  love. — ED. 

17 


194  THE  LIFE  OF  {PART  VI. 

speech  to  the  service  of  my  God,  so  that  I  may  never  again 
speak  an  unadvised  word. 

September  15.— Last  Saturday  (September  12)  I  was  fifty 
years  old.  O  my  God,  how  little  have  I  gained  of  thee  in  fifty 
years  !  Lord,  let  this  be  a  jubilee  year  to  me !  I  will  try  what 
prayer  can  do.  Lord,  give  me  a  measure  of  that  spirit  in  which 
thou  didst  spend  whole  nights  in  prayer !  Never  was  I  more 
stript,  more  empty  !  I  have  no  dependence  but  on  thyself.  I 
long  for  close  communion.  My  soul  pants  after  it.  I  have 
wonderful  answers  to  prayer !  And  I  feel  that  my  humiliations 
do  me  good.  Yet  I  do  not  embrace  them  as  I  ought  to  do.  It 
is  perhaps  a  minute  before  I  rightly  enter  into  the  gracious  de- 
sign. When  I  look  to  the  Lord,  all  is  right ;  but  I  want  such 
an  habitual  look,  as  shall  enable  me  to  receive  them  as  a  hungry 
man  does  his  food  !  Not  only  to  take  up,  but  to  glory  in  the 
cross  of  the  Lord  Jesus.  I  seem  to  walk  much  more  by  faith 
than  by  sight.  My  soul  seems  to  go  out  in  desire  and"  silent 
prayer.  I  am  mostly  in  the  act  of  crying,  Come  !  But  there 
seems  silence  on  the  side  of  the  Lord !  He  does  not  answer 
by  sweet  comforts,  only  by  power  over  sin,  purity  of  mind  in  a 
good  degree  ;  and  an  almost  constant  act  of  sacrifice.*  I  love 
his  will,  bitter  or  sweet,  but  I  want  him  as  the  bride  in  the 
Canticles,  to  kiss  me  with  the  kisses  of  his  mouth,  for  his  love 
is  better  than  wine. 

September  16. — This  morning  at  the  ten  o'clock  hour,  I  had 
freedom  in  praying  for  an  entire  change.  I  thought,  My  situa- 
tion as  to  outward  things,  is  the  most  advantageous  to  a  reli- 
gious life  that  can  be.  I  have  no  cares ;  indeed  I  have  no  need 
of  care.  I  have  plenty  of  all  I  can  want.  Sally,  though  a 
tender  child,  is  one  of  much  ability ;  laying  herself  out  to  serve 
and  please  me  in  all  things.  Matty,  my  other  servant,  of  a 
most  quiet  and  peaceable  spirit,  and  rigidly  honest  and  faithful. 
Blessed  be  God,  her  soul  also  comes  forward  in  the  divine  life. 
Reflecting  on  this,  I  drew  from  it  the  following  encouragement : 
If  I  am  thus  favoured,  is  it  not  plain  the  Lord  designs  me  to 
be  one  of  those  who  are  brought  into  close  fellowship  with 
himself?  May  I  not  attain  to  a  fuller  salvation  than  when  in- 
volved in  all  my  perplexities  1  My  heart  was  encouraged.  I 
thought  on  these  words,  "  Men  ought  always  to  pray,  and  not 
to  faint."  Again,  "  I  am  come  that  they  may  have  life,  and 
that  they  might  have  it  more  abundantly."  My  soul  longs 
for  this  more  abundant  life.  Lord,  pour  out  on  me  thy  light 

*  And  was  there  no  divine  comfort  in  all  these  glorious  marks  and  fruits  of  the 
new  creation  ?  There  was.  Comfort  high  as  heaven,  and  which  hell  can  never 
imitate !  Par  superior  even  to  those  sweet  consolations  which  are  so  graciously 
'bestowed  on  youn^  converts,  and  which  some  sincere  souls  so  greatly  need 
throughout  the  whole  of  their  pilgrimage — She  lambs  that  he  carries  in  his  besom. 


PART  VI,]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  195 

and  truth,  and  make  me,  in  a  complete  sense  of  the  word,  a 
new  creature  !  I  was  led  to  think  of  the  familiar  manner  in 
which  our  Lord  conversed  with  the  women  and  his  disciples 
after  his  resurrection.  He  met  them  and  said, "  All  hail"  (i.  e. 
happiness  attend  you,)  and  bid  them  "tell  his  brethren  he 
would  see  them  in  Galilee."  Probably  on  Mount  Tabor,  where 
his  glorious  transfiguration  was  manifested  before  them :  and 
where  they  heard  the  voice  of  God,  declaring  him  "  the  beloved 
Son  whom  they  were  to  hear."  They  were  also  commanded 
to  "  tell  the  vision  to  no  man,  till  the  Son  of  man  'should  be 
risen  from  the  dead. "  The  thought  struck  my  mind, — perhaps 
in  this  very  assembly  they  were  first  to  tell  it !  All  this  en- 
couraged me  greatly. 

October  5,  Monday. — This  has  been  a  day  of  recollection 
and  prayer,  glory  be  to  God !  I  have  had  some  views  of  the 
great  designs  of  God  on  his  redeemed;  how  through  the  SON, 
he  will  form  his  own  bright  and  glorious  image  in  us.  We  are 
appointed  to  be  conformed  to  the  image  of  the  SON,  and  is  he 
not  the  express  image  of  the  Father  ?  A  little  glimpse  of 
what  the  Saviour  is,  and  will  be  to  me,  now  and  then  for  some 
time  beamed  forth,  and  set  my  soul  in  a  longing  posture.  Yet 
it  is  but  like  seeing  through  the  lattice.  1  long  to  know 
whether  what  I  see  before  me,  and  grasp  after,  may  be  attained 
in  this  life,  or  must  I  die  to  prove  it  ?  O  my  divine  Director, 
my  Prophet,  speak  and  tell  me !  This  is  all  that  keeps  me 
back,  not  knowing  what  I  may  ask,  having  been  so  great  a 
sinner.  Something  says,  I  shall  not  fully  enter  into  the  good 
land  here.*  To-day  I  was  reading  those  words,  "  In  the  last 
day,  Jesus  will  present  himself  as  judge,  to  angels,  men,  and 
devils."  I  asked  myself,  Do  I  embrace  with  all  mysoul,  Jesus 
as  my  judge  ?  My  heart  sprang  at  the  thought !  Yes,  my  ador- 
able Judge !  I  choose  thee  with  all  my  powers  ;  reicquiesce 
beforehand  in  thy  sentence,  be,it  what  it  will:  yea,  and  in  all 
thou  shalt  appoint  from  this  moment  to  that  time !  Many  times 
to-day  these  words  have  been  my  food,  "The  Lord  God  Omni- 
potent reigneth !" 

October  6. — I  was  ill  most  of  last  night,  but  was  recollected, 
and  had  a  sense  of  undeserved  mercies.  Reflecting  to-day  on 
that  point  which  hath  so  often  hindered  me,  viz.  Some  say, 
when  we  have  sinned  we  should  wait  for  a  fresh  pardon,  a  fresh 
sense  of  it,  before  we  believe.  I  prayed  for  light,  how  to  walk 
in  my  present  state ;  and  the  following  reflection  arose  in  my 
mind.  I  feel  my  will  is  turned  to  the  Lord.  He  who  knows 
all  things,  knows,  I  long,  I  pant,  to  love  him  perfectly,  and  to 


;  Scriptu 
tion." — ED. 


196  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

Jive  every  moment  to  his  praise,  with  the  fall  exertion  of  my 
powers.  But  sometimes,  when  I  am  waiting  before  God,  it  is 
suggested,  I  have  indulged  in  the  last  meal,  or,  I  have  spoken 
unadvisedly  at  such  a  time.  These  things  have  kept  me  in 
bondage  long.  But  to-day,  I  clearly  see  my  one  business  is  to 
maintain  faith.  How  is  it  that  the  soul  is  ever  received  after 
any  fall?  Is  it  not  at  last  by  believing  Christ  hath  atoned  for 
that  sin  ?  Now  I  feel  I  could,  on  the  recollection  of  any  stum- 
hie,  immediately  fly  to,  and  weep  on  the  bosom  of  my  Lord. 
But  that  thought  has  presented  itself,  Am  I  not  an  Antinomian  7 
But  I  will  no  more  take  man,  but  the  word  of  God  for  my 
director.  What  were  my  Lord's  words  to  Peter]  "I  have 
prayed  for  thee  that  thy  faith  fail  not."  So  then  this  faith 
ought  not  to  fail,  though  he  denied  his  Lord  with  oaths  and 
curses  !  And  what  a  word  was  that,  when  his  Lord,  foretelling 
his  fall,  added,  "And  when  thou  art  converted,  strengthen  thy 
brethren."  What  tenderness  was  showed  unto  him!  He 
wept  bitterly,  but  he  still  claimed  his  interest  in  his  Saviour, 
for  he  ran  to  the  tomb  to  seek  him.  And  how  did  our  Lord 
wipe  away  his  tears  !  He  was  seen  of  him  before  any  of  the 
eleven,  1  Corinthians  xv,  5.  He  was  the  first  preacher  at  pen- 
tecpst.  The  first  messenger  to  the  Gentiles.  An  angel  musi 
wait  on  him  to  bring  him  out  of  prison ;  and  at  last,  he  received 
the  crown  of  martyrdom.  Did  not  Christ  on  the  cross  foresee, 
and  die  for  all  my  sins  before  I  had  a  being  ?  Did  he  not  pay 
the  price  for  all  1  But  it  is  only  mine  by  believing.  Then  if 
I  always  believe,  does  not  that  word  belong  to  me,  "  There  is 
no  condemnation  to  them  who  are  in  Christ  Jesus,  who  walk 
not  after  the  flesh  but  after  the  Spirit?"*  It  is  true,  if  the  will 
and  affections  draw  back,  the  soul  will  find  it  hard  so  to  believe 
as  to  retJ*a  to  the  former  fellowship.  And  yet  there  is  no  way 
for  themWt  by  believing.  The  case  I  mean  is, — I  see  it  my 
privilege  to  live  always  under  the  atonement ;  and  though  I  do 
wrong,  and  fall  short  continually,  yet  I  may  and  must  run  di- 
rectly to  my  God,  just  as  I  did  with  my  husband.  If  he  said, 
Polly,  thou  shouldst  not  have  said  or  done  so ;  I  asked  his  for- 
giveness, and  had  no  fear  of  his  loving  me  the  less.  Nay, 
usually  I  found  more  tenderness  when  I  acknowledged  my  fault, 
than  before  I  fell  into  it.  That  word  also  came  to  my  mind, 
"  Blessed  is  the  man  to  whom  the  Lord  will  not  impute  sin." 
And  again,  "  If  thou  canst  believe,  all  things  are  possible.  He 
that  believeth  is  justified  from  all  things." 

October  31  .—These  words  have  made  a  great  impression  on 
my  mind  of  late,— When  one  of  the  scribes  asked  our  Lord, 
"What  he  should  do  to  inherit  eternal  life?"  He  replied, 
"  What  readest  thou  in  the  law  ?"  The  scribe  answered,  "  Thou 

*  See  the  note  in  the  177th  page.— Eo. 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  197 

shalt  love  the  Lord  thy  God  with  all  thy  heart,  and  mind,  and 
soul,  and  strength ;  and  thy  neighbour  as  thyself."  Our  Lord 
replied,  "  Thou  hast  well  said ;  this  do,  and  thou  shalt  live."  I 
discerned  a  fulness  in  this  passage  which  I  never  did  before, 
and  all  my  soul  cried  for  the  possession  of  that  spirit  of  love,  to 
which  this  absolute  promise  of  life  is  made.  Many  times  I 
have  observed,  in  prayer,  or  at  some  peculiar  seasons  in  other 
means,  such  a  spirit  of  purity,  humility,  and  love,  has  over- 
whelmed my  soul,  as  is  hardly  to  be  expressed.  At  other  times, 
the  Divine  glory  appeared  but  dim.  I  saw  at  once  the  cause. 
At  the  former  times,  the  soul  turned  from  every  intervening 
object,  and  sunk  into  her  proper  place,  discerning  the  immense 
distance  between  a  holy  God  and  sinful  self.  Then  she  begins 
to  shine  in  his  brightness.  Her  light 'is  come,  because  the 
glory  of  the  Lord  is  risen  upon  her.  But  if  she  rises  out  of 
her  deep  absorbment,  and  lets  in  self-esteem,  what  wonder  if 
she  then  reflects  the  odious  image  of  sin,  instead  of  the  beauty 
of  the  Lord  Jesus.  I  perceived  also,  that  there  is  a  great  dif- 
ference between  humble  thoughts  and  despairing  thoughts. 
Humble  thoughts,  though  they  may  cause  much  pain  by  the 
horror  and  detestation  which  they  cause  the  soul  to  feel,  yet 
they  exalt  the  Saviour,  and  make  the  soul  admire  the  justice 
as  well  as  the  mercy  of  God.  But  despairing  thoughts,  injected 
by  the  devil,  drive  the  soul  from  God,  and  represent  him  as 
"  a  hard  Master,  gathering  where  he  hath  not  strowed."  The 
faithful  soul  will  find  many  such  attacks,  therefore  the  safest 
way  is  continually  to  give  up  herself  to-  the  Lord,  crying,  Thy 
will  be  done  !  That  is  a  weapon  Satan  cannot  stand  against. 
November  12. — This  day,  being  the  day  of  our  marriage, 
many  painful  remembrances  would  present  themselves  to  my 
mind.  Each  year  I  wrote,  "  We  are  happier  and  happier !" 
But  I  feel  a  great  thankfulness,  that  I  have  such  an  offering  to 
bring  to  Him  who  gave  up  all  for  me  !  Yes,  I  praise  thee,  my 
Lord,  that  thou  hast  done  thine  own  will,  and  not  mine.  At 
ten  I  took  my  hour  before  the  Lord,  and  felt  some  power  afresh 
to  dedicate  myself  to  Jesus, — entering  into  a  marriage  covenant 
with  him.  A  light  shone  on  my  soul  to  discern  how  the  husband 
hath  undertaken  the  whole  cause  of  the  wife,  and  I  saw  both 
body  and  soul  safe  in  his  hands.  I  then  entreated  my  adorable 
husband  to  take  all  the  freedom  of  my  will  into  his  own  hand  ; 
and,  as  we  say  to  the  surgeon,  bind  me,  (for  an  operation,)  so 
I  entreated  my  Lord  to  conform  me  to  himself  in  any  way  that 
he  pleased ;  only  that  he  should  be  glorified.  A  thought  again 
presented  itself,  What  if,  in  eternity,  it  be  his  will  that  I  should 
neither  know  nor  have  any  communion  with  my  dear  husband  ? 
I  was  enabled  to  answer,  Lord,  thy  glory  is  all  in  all  to  me !  I 
felt  that  he  should  choose  for  me.  And  I  was  enabled  to  give 
up  soul,  body,  life,  death,  time,  and  eternity  to  him,  sad  cove- 
17* 


198  THE   LIFE  OF  fPART  Vfc 

nanted  to  live  on  his  will  alone !  And  henceforward,  I  will 
consider  this  day  as  my  wedding  day  with  the  Lord,  holding 
ray  dear  husband  in  him,  whose  soul  I  know  will  have  joy  in 
heaven  upon  every  nearer  approach  which  I  make  to  his  Saviour, 
and  my  Saviour ! — his  all,  and  my  all ! 

November  14. — After  I  had  spent  some  time  in  prayer  this 
morning  I  felt  an  increasing  freedom  in  imploring  that  the 
whole  mind  of  Christ  might  be  brought  into  my  soul.  Those 
words  are  much  in  my  thoughts,  "  Be  ye  not  afraid,  neither 
doubt,  for  God  is  your  guide,"  2  Esdras  xvi,  75.  Lord,  increase 
my  confidence  !  I  saw  how  impossible  it  was  to  have  union 
where  there  was  not  similitude ;  and  my  cry  was,  Fulfil  that 
word,  Q,  Lord,  on  which  thou  hast  made  me  to  hope  !  Make 
me  clean  through  th'y  word !  and  present  me  to  thyself  with- 
out spot !  Afterward,  reading  the  Life  of  Ignatius  Loyala,  and 
especially  what  pains  he  took,  and  what  labour  he  went  through 
to  gain  souls,  I  could  not  but  be  struck  at  the  glaring  difference 
between  him  and  me.  One  day,  having  taken  a  step  he  be- 
lieved to  be  his  duty,  but  which  caused  him  both  pain  and 
ignominy, — and  being  rebuked  by  a  friend,  he  replied,  "  I  should 
not  object  to  traverse  all  the  streets  of  Paris  barefoot,  with 
horns  on  my  head,  and  clothed  in  the  most  ridiculous  habit, 
could  it  but  gain  one  soul  to  God."*  The  conviction  imme- 
diately struck  me,  that  all  I  wanted  was  to  be  filled  with  the 
love  of  God,  and  that  would  produce  every  effect  in  its  proper 
order.  Lord,  let  my  incessant  cry  be  for  this  !  O  give  me  this 
most  excellent  gift  of  charity  ! 

January  7,  1790. — And  now  another  year  is  gone,  and  I  am 
so  much  nearer  eternity  !  Yes,  my  faithful  Saviour !  I  will 
rejoice  in  the  thought,  because  thou  art  faithful,  and  I  do  believe 
for  the  fulfilment  of  all  thy  promises  :  they  are  yea  and  amen 
in  thee,  on  whom  I  rely.  I  believe  I  shall  walk  with  thee  in 
white !  O  carry  on  thy  work !  I  long  to  be  just  what  my  God 
pleases. 

In  the  last  month  I  have  had  a  peculiar  experience.  I  was 
often  tempted  to  think,  that  the  deadness  I  felt  to  all  earthly 
things  might  be  produced  by  my  great  affliction  on  account  of 
my  dear  husband's  death,  and  I  was  sometimes  damped  by  that 
thought  in  my  ardour  of  praise.  But  a  few  weeks  ago,  I  was 
permitted  to  feel  all  the  temptations  I  ever  felt,  except  resent- 
ment, and  I  was  conscious  I  could  fall  into  the  same  desires  ot 
comfort  on  earth  from  which  I  had  been  so  long  delivered. 
My  soul  was  grieved  exceedingly ;  yet  strange !  I  seemed  nearer 
to  God  than  before !  I  was  amazed,  but  these  words  came 
to  my  mind,  "  Know  that  from  Jesus  alone  is  your  salvation." 
I  cried  to  the  Lord  that  he  would  graciously  prove  it  by  remov- 

*  Pious  Protestants  well  know  hvw  w  appreciate  this.  True  piety  is  of  n* 
9K\:  it  is  truly  catholic,— Eu. 


?ART  VI.J  MRS.  FLETCHER.  199 

ing  the  temptation,  and  so  it  proved.  Glory  be  to  my  com- 
plete Saviour !  It  is  now  like  a  dream,  but  I  know  and  feel  the 
divine  reality. 

I  seemed  to  be  surrounded  with  blessings,  and  see  such  a 
care  of  the  Almighty  over  all  that  concerns  me,  as  I  cannot  ex- 
press. Sally  had  been  very  ill,  but  raised  again  in  answer  to 
prayer  as  by  miracle.  My  house  is  a  sweet  rest,  and  "  a  secret 
place  in  the  wilderness  to  hide  me  in."  Many  storms  are  with- 
out, but  none  can  touch  me.  I  seem  hid  from  all  the  evils  of 
which  my  letters  inform  me.  I  have  peace  within,  resting  in 
hope  ;  and  peace  in  all  my  borders.  I  have  communion  with 
my  friends  above,  and  none  below  can  harm  or  injure  me.  As 
to  temporal  things, — I  inherit  now,  (and  have  done  some  years.  / 
the  fulness  of  that  promise,  given  to  me  in  my  deep  poverty — 
"  Thou  shalt  be  the  head  and'  not  the  tail :  thou  shall  lend  and 
not  borrow."  It  is  amazing  how  many  I  can  help  both  by 
lending  and  giving ;  and  when  I  made  up  my  book  this  last 
Christmas,  I  was  surprised  to  see  on  how  little  we  had  kept  the 
house,  and  how  large  was  the  poor's  account  ;*  yet  a  little  is 
always  left  to  go  on  with.  He  does  bless  my  bread  and  my 
water.  I  want  for  nothing.  I  live  better  than  I  think  I  need, 
and  yet,  according  to  the  promise,  I  have  always  plenty  of 
silvzr. 

January  13. — Two  days  ago,  a  gentleman  and  his  wife  came 
to  see  me  from  a  considerable  distance.  He  told  me  that  for 
two  years  he  had  walked  in  the  full  liberty  of  the  sons  of  God. 
But  for  the  last  eight  years  he  had  been  in  the  darkness  of  un- 
belief. I  was  led  to  speak  freely  on  the  way  of  faith ;  and 
mentioned  an  instance  I  had  lately  heard  of  a  good  woman,  who, 
when  in  prayer,  her  eyes  being  shut,  had  a  sight  of  paradise, 
where  she  saw  our  Lord  as  sitting  in  the  midst  of  the  glorified 
spirits.  There  proceeded  from  him  such  beams  of  purity,  light, 
and  glory,  as  penetrated  them  till  they  were  all  irradiated,  and 
shone  with  his  glory.  She  saw  also  the  same  glory  stream 
down  on  the  saints  below,  and  they,  in  the  same  manner,  keep- 
ing their  eyes  on  the  Lord,  were  divinely  changed.  But  when 
any  of  them  turned  away  their  eyes,  they  received  his  beams 
no  longer.  The  same  glory  still  shone  round  them,  but  they 
complained  of  being  barren  and  dry,  and  that  they  could  get  no 
answers  to  prayer.  I  observed,  that  I  thought  this  was  his  case. 
If  we  keep  faith  in  exercise,  we  shall  and  must  receive,  for  we 
may  have  of  God,  what  we  will  take  of  him.  As  I  spake,  I  said 
in  my  heart,  if  this  is  the  truth  as  it  is  in  Jesus,  Lord,  set  to  thy 
seal !  And  so  he  did,  for  the  power  of  God  came  down  on  the 
gentleman,  and  constrained  him  to  cry  out,  O,  now  I  feel  it 
again !  I  feel  the  power  of  God  go  through  me !  When  I 

*  In  an  account  fur  one  year;  I  Aud.UiMrhole  expenss  of  her  wearing  apparei 
amounted  to  a  trifle  mere  tuaa  two  pounds,—  E* 


200  THE  LIFE  Of  [PART  VH. 

came  into  this  room,  my  heart  was  as  hard  and  as  heavy  as  if 
the  whole  world  lay  on  it.  But  now  it  is  all  gone,  and  I  feel  the 
power  of  God  penetrate  my  whole  frame.  His  wife  also  was 
much  affected,  and  I  trust  the  blessing  will  abide. 

January  25. — A  dream  which  was  told  me  the  other  day  by 
S.  Colley  was  blest  to  me.  She  thought  she  was  surrounded 
with  dangers,  but  looking  up,  she  saw  a  large  eye  always  fixed 
on  her,  which  much  encouraged  her  faith  in  an  overruling  Pro- 
vidence. Then  she  thought  she  got  into  a  river,  and  began  to 
sink.  It  was  very  deep  and  clear,  and  she  was  much  afraid ; 
but  looking  down,  she  saw  this  great  eye  underneath  her,  which 
caused  such  a  faith  to  spring  up  in  her  soul,  that  she  laid  herself 
down  on  the  water,  with  as  much  comfort  and  ease  as  if  upon 
her  bed.  She  felt  she  could  not  sink  with  the  power  of  the 
Almighty  underneath  her. 

January  27. — My  soul  was  yesterday  and  this  day  much 
drawn  out  in  prayer.  Those  words  are  often  before  me,  "  None 
knoweth  the  Father  but  the  Son,  and  he  to  whom  the  Son  is 
pleased  to  reveal  him." 

I  long  for  this  revelation.  I  feel  it  is,  in  its  fulness,  the  thing 
1  want.  Thus  only  St.  Paul's  prayer  can  be  answered,  Ephe- 
sians,  iii,  14-21.  O  for  this  revelation  of  thy  love  !  I  wait  for 
it  moment  by  moment.  And  thou  sayest,  "They  shall  not  be 
ashamed  who  wait  for  thee !"  I  wait  for  the  salvation  "  which 
shall  be  brought  in  at  the  revelation  of  Jesus  Christ." 
l  February  11. — The  seventh  of  this  month,  (on  which  was  our 
quarterly  meeting,)  I  found  it  a  good  day.  My  soul  saw  the 
way  of  faith,  and  felt  a  degree  of  that  liberty  which  from  believ- 
ing flows.  At  our  class  on  Tuesday  night,  we  agreed  to  unite 
our  prayers  the  ensuing  week  for  power  over  imaginations, 
(2  Cor.  x,  5,)  especially  during  the  tune  of  prayer,  and  blessed 
be  God,  I  find  some  answer. 

February  26,  Friday. — I  have  found  this  a  comfortable  day. 
While  talking  with  brother  T.  the  way  of  faith  was  more  and 
more  beautiful  in  my  eyes.  In  prayer  I  had  a  sweet  discovery 
of  the  depth  contained  in  those  words,  "  Whatsoever  things  ye 
ask  in  prayer,  believe  that  ye  receive  them,  and  ye  shall  have 
them."  Yesterday  I  proved  that  truth.  I  asked  in  the  name, 
and  in  the  right  of  my  Lord,  that  his  will  might  be  done  without 
interruption  in  me  all  day ;  and  that  I  might  be  kept  and  taught 
in  every  word  and  action,  and  enabled  to  abide  as  in  the  pre- 
sence of  God.  And  though  I  had  no  sensible  joy,  yet  I  found 
the  power  of  God  keeping  me,  and  approving  me  each  moment 
since  that  time.  I  have  been  poorly  in  body,  but  I  so  see  the 
hand  of  God  in  all,  that  I  seem  like  a  little  babe  held  in  the 
arms  of  its  mother.  As  brother  T.  was  speaking,  I  saw  the  way 
of  enjoying  pure  love  clearer  than  ever.  O,  wherefore  did  I 
ever  doubt?  „ According  as  I  believe,  so  it  is !  Surely.of  lata 


PART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  201 

the  Lord  is  increasing  my  faith,  and  teaching  me  anew  to  walk 
with  himself.  Mr.  T.  observed,  that  "  God  brought  his  children 
through  different  dispensations,  sometimes  of  sorrow,  some- 
times of  joy.  That  it  was  our  part  to  trust  him  in  all,  believing 
•all  would  be  right  in  its  season  ;  and  equally  accepting  either 
correction  or  comfort.  God  knew  what  he  was  about  to  do 
with  Job,  and  Job  had  only  to  lie  still  under  the  hand  of  God ; 
for  a  time  was  coming  in  which  God  would  surely  lift  him  up. 
He  had  no  need  to  plead  his  own  cause,  for  he  was  safe  in 
God's  hand,  who  was  then  making  him  a  spectacle  of  glory 
before  angels  and  devils ;  though  to  man  he  appeared  very  dif- 
ferent." 

June  26,  Saturday. — I  am  much  led  this  morning  to  pray  for 
a  resigned  will,  to  stand  to  the  beck  of  my  Lord  with  a  ready 
rnind. — Yes,  he  shall  do  with  me  and  mine  as  seems  to  him 
good.  Company  in  the  house  is  a  great  cross  ;  they  consume 
much  time,  and  the  serving  tables  seems  to  clash  with  my  Sab- 
bath employment.  But  in  this  also,  thou,  my  Lord,  shall  dis- 
pose and  direct :  only  give  me  a  watchful  mind,  and  then  set 
me  to  entertain  all  the  strangers  thou  pleasest.  I  know  not 
what  blessed  angels  may  come  with  them  as  their  attendants, 
and  I  will  keep  to  my  old  motto, — 

"  O  that  my  Lord  would  count  me  meet 
To  wash  his  dear  disciples'  feet  f 
After  my  lowly  Lord  to  go, 
And  wait  upon  his  saints  below ; 

Enjoy  the  grace  to  angels  given. 

And  serve  the  royal  heirs  of  heaven  !" 

But  I  see  there  needs  a  determination  to  be  singular.  Some 
professors,  when  they  have  company  in  the  house,  sit  chatting 
with  them  all  day.  This  I  must  not  do.  It  was  one  of  the  first 
lessons  God  taught  me,  to  keep  to  my  rules  of  retirement ;  to 
do  my  business,  as  to  writing,  visiting  the  sick,  meeting  the 
classes,  &c,  leaving  them  to  their  freedom,  and  taking  mine. 
One  part  of  my  work  must  not  overturn  another. 

August  14. — What  have  I  seen  within  these  five  years  !  This 
day  five  years  my  beloved  was  on  his  death  bed.  But  how  is 
it  with  me  now?  I  answer,  and  from  the  ground  of  my  heart, 
"  It  is  well." — I  have  nothing  to  do  but  to  praise !  I  love  him 
at  thie  moment  as  much  as  ever  I  did  in  my  life ;  but  I  love  the 
will  of  God  still  better. — Yes,  I  adore  thee,  my  almighty  Sa- 
viour, that  thou  hast  done  thine  own  will,  and  not  mine  !  And 
that  my  dearest  love  has  been  five  years  in  glory.  O  that  I 
might  be  permitted  to  feel  a  little  of  what  he  now  is, — lost  and 
swallowed  up  in  thee  !  Lord,  are  we  not  one  1  "  The  head  of 
the  woman  is  the  man,  as  the  head  of  the  man  is  Christ ;"  and 
"whom  God  hath  joined  together  none  can  put  asunder." 
Adam  and  Eve  were  never  intended  to  be  separated :  and  shall 


202  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  Vi. 

sin  so  overturn  thy  original  design,  as  that  it  cannot  be  restored 
by  the  Saviour?  Surely,  no  !  As  thou  hast  taken  away  the 
sting  of  sin,  so  thou  hast  taken  away  the  smart  of  separation. 
We  are  yet  one ;  and  shall  I  not  feel  a  communication  froir 
thyself  passing  through  that  channel  ?  Lord,  make  me  spirit- 
ually minded ! — "  meet  to  partake  of  the  inheritance  of  the 
saints  in  light." 

August  24. — My  soul  is  much  stirred  up  by  the  thought  that 
1  have  lost  time  more  than  any  one  that  has  really  walked  in 
the  ways  of  the  Lord.  It  seems  to  me  that  I  begin  to  see  a 
fulness  in  the  word  of  God, — such  a  depth  in  the  promises,  that 
I  have  been  looking  hitherto  only  for  the  first  principles  of 
Christianity.— O  for  that  baptism  of  the  Spirit !  That  sancti- 
fying grace !  ,lt  seems  as  if  I  wanted  the  Lord  to  come  and 
take  away  the  last  breath  of  nature's  life  !  I  see  a  great  deal 
in  these  words,  "  The  kingdom  of  heaven  is  at  hand."  The 
kingdom  of  abiding  "  righteousness,  peace,  and  joy,  in  the  Holy 
Ghost."  Surely  that  is  "  the  kingdom  of  heaven,"  of  which 
our  Lord  said,  that  the  least  member  of  it  "  was  greater  than 
John  the  Baptist."  Lord,  bring  me  into  that  liberty  !  I  ask  it 
in  the  name  of  my  Saviour  and  Advocate. 

Last  night  I  prayed  that  I  might  not  have  so  disturbed  a  night 
as  I  have  found  of  late,  but  that  the  Lord  would  keep  away 
those  hurrying  dreams  which  often  disturb  the  quiet  repose  of 
my  spirit.  And  it  was  so ;  I  found  a  difference.  About  the 
middle  of  the  night  I  saw  my  dear  husband  before  me.  We 
ran  into  each  other's  arms.  I  wished  to  ask  him  several  ques- 
tions concerning  holiness,  and  the  degree  to  be  expected  here, 
&c.  But  I  found  something  like  a  dark  cloud  on  my  memory, 
so  that  I  said  in  myself,  I  cannot  frame  the  question  I  would 
ask  ;  I  am  not  permitted.  At  length  I  asked,  My  dear,  do  you 
not  visit  me  sometimes'?  He  answered,  "  Many  times  a  day." 
But,  said  I,  Do  not  "  principalities  and  powers"  strive  to  hinder 
you  from  communing  with  me  ?  He  said,  "  There  is  something 
in  that."  And  does  their  opposition  cause  you  to  suffer  in 
coming  to  me]  He  answered,  "There  is  not  much  in  that." 
But  do  you  know  every  material  thing  that  occurs  to  me? 
"  Yes."  And  may  I  always  know  that  thou  art  near  me,  when 
I  am  in  trouble,  or  pain,  or  danger?  He  paused,  and  said 
faintly,  "  Why,  yes;"  then  added,  "but  it  is  as  well  for  thee 
not  to  know  it,  for  thy  reliance  must  not  be  upon  me."  He 
mentioned  also  some  in  glory  who  remembered  me, — and  said, 
"  Mr.  Hey  is  with  us  also,  he  bid  me  tell  thee  so,  and  by  that, 
thou  mayest  know  that  it  is  I  that  speak  to  thee."  Mr.  Hey 
died  a  short  time  before,  very  happy  in  the  Lord, 

September  14. — As  I  was  in  prayer  about  ten  to-day,  a  thought 
came  into  my  mind,  God  is  incomprehensible ;  but  we  are  called 
to  walk  by  faith,  therefore  I  ain  to  believe  what  I  cannot  coiv.. 


VI, J  MRS.   FLETCHER.  203 

prehend.  And  0,  what  sweet  condescension  did  I  see  in  that 
stupendous  goodness !  He  took  our  nature  that  we  might  be 
•ille  to  form  some  conception  of  him.  He  stooped  to  me,  to 
'ift  me  up  to  himself.  "  God  so  loved  us  as  not  to  spare  his 
own  Son.  Then  will  he  not  with  him  freely  give  us  all  things '!" 
1  see  clearly,  it  is  the  infinite  desire  of  the  blessed  Triune  God, 
to  communicate  himself  to  the  creature. — Ah !  why  is  it  then  I 
do  not  enjoy  more  of  him  ? 

September  17. — I  was  much  struck  with  the  comparison  of 
the  sun  drawing  up  the  vapour,  and  purifying  it  as  it  draws. 
As  I  was  walking  to  the  Lloyds'  I  thought  much  on  it,  and  said 
in  my  mind,  How  shall  I  know,  and  coincide  with  this  attrac- 
tion 1  Immediately  it  came  to  my  mind,  by  that  word,  "  Thy 
will  be  done ;" — by  this  resignation  we  instantly  enter  into  the 
attraction,  whatever  state  we  were  in  before  :*  and  by  a  simple 
look  to  Jesus,  a  waiting  on  the  Spirit  to  do  its  office  on  us,  we 
continue  therein.  Lord  give  me  so  to  wait  every  moment !  I 
was  comforted  in  my  visits  yesterday  morning,  and  again  to-day. 
Glory  be  to  God,  souls  come  forward,  and  I  have  been  enabled 
to  walk  about  more  this  summer,  than  for  a  long  time.  Lord, 
make  me  to  be  as  a  leaf  to  the  wind  before  thee  !  ready  to  obey 
all  thy  will. — Great  liberty  and  power  I  have  found  for  some 
months,  both  in  public  and  private  meetings.  O,  what  a  favour 
to  be  permitted  to  speak  a  word  in  thy  name ! 

September  22. — I  was  thinking  to-day,  What  is  sin?  It  is 
a  turning  out  of  the  presence  of  God,  and  departing  from  union 
with  him ;  drawing  back  from  the  attraction.!  While  that  is 
kept  up,  no  sin  is  imputed.  Many  blunders  may  be  made ;  but 
while  the  heart  keeps  attached  to  Jesus,  cleaving  to  him  by 
faith,  these  words  stand  good,  "  There  is  no  condemnation  to 
those  who  are  in  Christ  Jesus."  The  will  being  still  fastened 
to  his  cross,  all  that  is  wanting  is  a  closer  attention  to  the 
Spirit.  Then  these  blunders  would  be  rectified.  My  one  con- 
cern must  be,  to  keep  in  this  presence  .of  God,  lying  before  him 
as  clay,  and  he  will  do  all  his  will  in  me. 

September  30. — I  have  found  it  on  my  mind  some  time,  that 
something  more  should  be  done  for  the  souls  in  the  lower  part 
of  the  town.  We  have  had  preaching  there,  and  prayer  meet- 
ings, and  yet  they  seem  all  dead  and  cold.  Sally  thought  of 
several  persons,  and  we  got  the  names  of  twenty-eight  families. 
We  both  laid  it  before  the  Lord,  considering  that  our  good 
class,  which  meets  on  the  Tuesday  night,  were  all  raised  at 
first  by  inviting  them  to  a  meeting.  We  proposed  to  do  the 

*  But  the  call  to  "repent  and  bolieve  the  Gospel"  must  be  first  obeyed. — ED. 

t  St.  John  tells  us,  "  Sin  is  the  transgression  of  the  law ;  the  law  written  in  the 
heart,"  or  recorded  in  the  word.  But  Mrs.  Fletcher  evidently  means,  How  doe« 
sin  revive  in  those  believers  who  tctre.  dead  to  sin  ?  In  this  view  of  the  question, 
(be  remarks  that  follow  raav  be  profitable. — ED. 


204  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VJ. 

same  with  these.  But  Sally  did  not  feel  freedom  to  meet  them. 
At  night,  in  prayer,  the  Lord  laid  it  on  my  mind  to  take  this 
meeting  also.  Therefore  she  and  I  set  out  in  faith,  determin- 
ing to  call  on  as  many  as  my  strength  would  reach.  We  saw 
much  of  the  Lord  all  the  way.  I  have  got  a  promise  from  all 
we  have  asked,  which  is  fifteen.  We  visited  many  more,  hut 
did  not  see  the  tune  come  to  ask  them.  We  have  many  still 
to  go  to.  I  have  appointed  ten  o'clock  on  Tuesday  morning 
for  this  new  meeting.  The  Lord  pour  his  blessing  upon  it !  I 
was  pleased  to  find  some  old  ones,  on  whom  my  dear  husband 
had  spent  much  labour,  seemingly  without  fruit,  now  begin  to 
feel,  and  they  attend  the  public  meetings. 

October,  8. — The  following  observation  was  blest  to  me  as 
I  read  it  this  day.  "  There  is  among  men  here  on  earth,  an 
almost  infinite  diversity  of  gifts,  talents,  knowledge,  inclina- 
tions, <S£c.  The  scale  of  humanity  rises  through  innumerable 
steps,  from  the  brute  man  to  the  thinking  man.  The  progres- 
sion will  continue  no  doubt  in  the  life  to  come,  and  will  preserve 
the  same  essential  relations  ;  or  in  other  words,  the  progress 
which  we  shall  make  here  in  knowledge  and  virtue,  will"  deter- 
mine the  point  from  whence  we  shall  begin  our  progress  in  the 
other  life,  or  the  place  we  shall  there  occupy."*  What  a 
powerful  motive  to  excite  us  to  grow  continually  in  knowledge 
and  love  !  The  Judge  of  all  will  render  to  each  according  to 
his  works ;  according  to  the  use  he  hath  made  of  his  talents  ; 
and  to  him  who  hath,  shall  be  given.  It  follows  that  the  de- 
gree of  perfection  acquired  in  this  life,  will  determine  in  the 
life  to  come  the  degree  of  happiness  or  glory  which  each  indi- 
vidual shall  enjoy.  Certainly,  the  degrees  of  glory  will  be  as 
various  as  the  degrees  of  holiness  has  been ;  and  therefore  we 
have  the  clearest  reason  to  suppose  there  will  be  an  eternal 
advance  from  one  degree  of  perfection  to  another.  One  degree 
of  acquired  holiness  will  lead  to  another.  And  because  the 
distance  between  created  beings,  and  the  uncreated  being,  is 
infinite,  they  will  tend  continually  toward  supreme  perfection ; 
though  without  ever  arriving  at  it. 

November  12. — My  soul  has  for  some  days  been  in  a  parti- 
cular exercise ; — but  I  was  enabled  not  to  regard  the  violent 
suggestions  of  the  enemy.  I  strove  to  pass  over,  or  through 
the  thoughts,  as  they  presented  themselves,  and  took  refuge  in 
the  Lord.  O,  how  important  it  is  not  to  give  in  to  one  thought ! 
The  least  turn  of  the  eye  of  the  mind  may  be  sufficient  to  let 
in  the  tempter.  It  has  been  an  amazing  trial !  Truly  we 
wrestle  with  principalities  and  powers !  In  the  midst  of  it 
the  Lord  said,  /  have  redeemed  thee :  thou  art  mine  !  Some- 
times it  seemed  as  if  I  had  lost  all  strength.  I  could  not  feel 

*  This  may  be  admitted,  if  the  blood  of  Christ  have  previously  removed  all 
guilt.— ED. 


*ART  VI.]          MRS.  FLETCHER.  205 

condemnation,  and  yet  I  would  fain  have  condemned  myself, 
for  I  hardly  knew  what  thoughts  were  my  own,  and  what  were 
injected.  But,  strange  to  say,  during  this  season,  though  1 
almost  trembled  to  speak  for  God,  my  words  seemed  to  be  at- 
tended with  more  than  common  profit  to  others !  Lord,  awake 
the  spiritual  powers  of  my  soul !  This  day  I  have  been  renew- 
ing rny  solemn  dedication  to  the  Lord.  On  this  day  I  took  my 
dear  husband,  now  in  glory  !  And  I  will  ever  consider  it  as  my 
day  of  marriage  with  the  Lord. 

January  1,  1791. — Last  night  I  found  much  desire  that  I 
might  awake  so  as  to  devote  the  first  breath  of  the  new  year  to 
the  Lord ;  and  I  found  it  in  some  measure.  Between  five  and 
six  I  got  up,  and  read  the  psalms  for  the  day,  but  did  not  find 
any  thing  particular,  except  that  word,  which  has  remained  on 
my  mind,  "  Salvation  belongeth  unto  the  Lord,  and  his  blessing 
is  on  his  people  !"  My  soul  is  waiting  on  him,  and  my  expec- 
tation is  alone  from  him.  ,1 

April  20. — The  posture  of  my  soul  is,  I  still  wait  in  full  reli- 
ance that  the  Lord  will  do  his  whole  will  upon  me.  Souls 
come  forward,  and  it  seems  as  if  every  one  grows  faster  than  I 
do.  I  am  much  pained  that  I  do  not  feel  more  under  the  means. 
It  seems  as  if  the  word  preached  had  a  more  powerful  effect  on 
others  than  on  me.  Lord,  why  is  this  1  Reading  is  to  me  the 
greatest  of  means,  except  private  prayer.  I  think  the  Lord  is 
giving  me  to  see  myself  in  a  clearer  light  than  ever. 

July  13. — Mr.  Valton's*  visit  I  have  found  blest  to  me.  His 
word  came  with  power ;  and  while  we  were  talking  together  of 
faith,  I  felt  my  soul  refreshed.  O  how  clearly  could  I  see  the 
way  for  him  !  and  that  all  his  trials  arose  from  his  not  believing 
more, — from  his  not  claiming  the  privilege  of  his  state.  Just 
then  I  saw  clearly  for  myself  also.  O  my  Lord,  let  thy  light 
ever  abide  !  God  is  faithful  to  do  for  us  all  we  trust  him  for. 
Well,  I  trust  to  be  kept  from  all  sin — from  all  departure  from 
God ;  and  I  find  it  is  to  me  according  to  my  faith. 

Last  night  at  the  intercession  I  was  not  able  to  speak  one 
word,  having  such  a  hoarseness  as  I  never  had  in  my  life  before. 
I  once  attempted  to  pray,  but  could  not,  so  I  was  silent  all  the 
rest  of  the  time.  I  looked  on  the  congregation,  who  were  all 
expecting  me  to  speak  to  them,  and  could  not  even  say,  I  love 
and  pray  for  you.  And  it  may  be,  the  Lord  is  about  to  take 
this  power  from  me.  My  eyes  fail ;  my  hand  is  weak  with  a 
rheumatic  pain,  and  I  can  write  but  little.  My  feet  fail ;  I  can 
now  walk  but  a  short  way.  My  breath  is  short,  and  if  my 
voice  be  also  taken,  then  I  have  no  more  to  do,  but  to  care  for 
my  own  soul  and  others  in  silence.  Well,  I  am  quite  content, 

*  A  travelling  preacher  and  a  member  of  the  Methodist  conference;  now  with 
God.— ED. 

18 


206  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  vr. 

and  am  as  willing  to  be  ailent  as  to  speak.  O  thy  dear  will,  my 
Lord,  let  it  be  done  for  ever ! 

July  15. — Reading  Mr.  Valton's  experience,  I  was  yester- 
day much  struck  to  see  the  difference  between  him  and  me, 
and  my  soul  has  this  morning  received  a  fresh  conviction  to 
offer  up  every  thought  in  a  deeper  manner  than  1  have  ever 
done.  Lord,  thou  art  faithful  to  keep  that  which  is  committed 
unto  thee.  I  here  commit  my  every  thought,  with  all  the  powers 
of  my  imagination.  Lord,  keep  them  in  one  constant  going 
out  after  thee ! 

August  11. — This  has  been  a  very  solemn  week  to  me.  It 
was  six  years  last  Friday  since  my  dear  love  began  to  be  ill. 
This  year,  each  scene  falling  on  the  same  day  of  the  week,  as 
well  as  the  year,  brings  all  afresh  before  me.  Last  Sunday  was 
the  awful  day  in  which  he  took  his  last  leave  of  his  church  and 
people,  ajid  began  to  die  in  their  immediate  service  !  It  was 
our  quarterly  meeting  at  the  "Wood.  I  was  in  full  exercise  all 
-day,  and  felt  my  spirit  deeply  resigned,  and  a  good  deal  drawn 
out  in  the  Lord's  work,  though  it  was  a  suffering  time.  Each 
day  I  have  passed  through  every  scene,  and  had  some  calls  to 
take  up  other  crosses,  and  to  be  much  employed  for  the  Lord. 
I  feel  he  sustains  me,  and  gives  me  to  say  and  feel,  Thy  will  be 
done !  Last  Lord's  day  I  felt  a  stirring  up  in  my  soul,  with  an 
encouraging  hope  that  I  should  yet  be  brought  into  a  closer 
walk  with  God  than  ever.  Yesterday  was  a  day  of  more  than 
common  recollection.  I  seemed  to  bear  in  mind  the  nearness 
of  Jesus,  and  felt  all  good  come  from  him.  I  find  we  have 
nothing  to  do  but  keep  uniting  our  mind  to  him  by  faith  and 
love ;  and  if  we  keep  the  tree  of  life,  we  shall  be  sure  to  have 
each  fruit  in  its  season. 

August  17. — Last  Sabbath  was  the  day  which  closed  the  sixth 
year  of  my  dear  love's  inheritance  in  glory.  I  had  many  out- 
ward calls  all  day  in  the  work  of  God,  and  found  support  and 
comfort  therein. 

"  What  cannot  resignation  do? 

It  wonders  ran  perform ! 
That  powcrfi:!  trill  be  done! 

It  lays  the  loudest  storm." 

November  15. — It  is  a  great  cross,  this  change  in  our  minis- 
try. Mr.  H.  going  away,  now  we  were  so  .settled,  is  a  trial. 
Lord,  undertake  for  us,  and  order  in  the  way  thou  pleasest. 
Only  let  me  do  as  my  dear  husband  ever  did,  sink  under  every 
humiliation  and  cross,  and  rise  by  all  nearer  to  thee  !  I  long 
to  be  more  abundantly  the  temple  of  the  Holy  Ghost.— I  feel 
it  is  a  narrow  way.  But  O,  keep  me  ever  under  the  atoning 
blood.  I  cast  me  thereon, — I  rest  alone  on  thee ! 

I  shall  now  make  a  few  observations. — First,  I  must  observe, 
I  have  been  led  all  the  way  through  my  pilgrimage  by  an  exer- 
cise of  faith,  in  a  very  particular  manner.  Two  great  promise* 


S-ART  VI.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  207 

have  been  given  to  me,  on  which  the  Lord  hath  made  me  to 
hope.  One,  in  which  spiritual  and  temporal  blessings  are 
united ;  and  the  other  relating  wholly  to  spiritual  things.  The 
first  was  sealed  on  my  heart  ia  a  time  of  particular  trial,  at 
Laytonstone,  "  If  thou  return  to  the  Almighty,  thou  shall  be 
built  up ;  thou  shall  put  away  iniquity  far  from  thy  tabernacles. 
Then  shall  ihou  lay  up  gold  as  ihe  dust,  and  ihe  gold  of  Ophir 
as  the  stones  of  the  brook ;  yea,  the  Almighty  shall  be  thy  de- 
fence, and  thou  shall  have  plenty  of  silver.  Thou  shall  decree 
a  thing,  and  it  shall  be  established  unlo  Ihee ;  and  the  light  shall 
shine  on  thy  way."  This  promise  hath  supported  me  through 
the  rough  palh  in  which  I  was  called  to  walk.  But  the  words 
of  the  Apostle,  impressed  on  my  mind  when  I  was  seventeen 
years  old,  viz.  "  If  she  have  lodged  strangers ;  if  she  have 
brought  up  children  ;  if  she  have  washed  the  saints'  feet ;  and 
diligently  followed  after  every  good  work," — the  ^Lord  has 
enabled  me  also  to  attend  to.  After  all  my  wanderings,  /  am 
returned  to  the  Almighty  ;  and  he  hath  built  me  up.  Iniquity,, 
glory  be  to  God  !  is  put  far  from  my  tabernacles.  My  be- 
loved nephew  is  brought  to  the  Lord.  My  family  are  pious  and 
upright ;  nor  have  I  any  tiling  to  lament  under  my  roof,  as  dis- 
pleasing to  God.  My  prayer  seems  to  have  free  access  to  the 
throne,  and  ihe'  speedy  answers  amaze  me !  I  wished  for  a 
large  commodious  place  for  the  people  to  meet  in,  as  their 
number  greatly  increases,  and  though  it  seemed  impossible,  it 
is  now  accomplished.  I  wished  for  a  hundred  pounds  to  build 
a  meeting  house  at  the  Bank,  remembering  how  much  my  dear 
husband  desired  it.  Laying  il  before  ihe  Lord,  that  word  was 
again  applied,  "  Thou  shall  decree  a  Ihing,  and  it  shall  be  esta- 
blished unto  you;  and  the  light  shall  shine  on  your  ways."  I 
subscribed  thirty  pounds,  and  have  now  the  whole  sum  ready 
before  the  ground  is  prepared  to  build  it  on.  I  desire  nothing, 
in  earth  or  heaven,  but  for  Ihe  glory  of  God.  I  feel  ihe  Almighty 
is  my  defence,  and  lo  confirm  my  faith  in  spiritual  things  by 
temporal,  he  does  give  me  great  plenty  of  silver. 

The  other  great  promise  o."  my  life  was, — "  Thou  shall  walk 
with  me  in  white  ;  I  wi.U  m;ikc;  thee  worthy."  Lord,  how  far 
is  lhal  accomplished  1  O!  shine  on  thy  poor  creature,  and  let 
me  clearly  discern  and  make  known  the  work  of  thy  hand  I 
Thou  art  the  author  of  all  good. 

That  salvation  1  experienced  at  Hoxton,  was  certainly  a  drop 
from  the  living  fountain, — but  I  had  not  then  a  full  discovery 
of  sin.  Since  that  time,  O  what  a  depth  of  iniquity,  what  huge 
mountains  of  ingratitude,  have  I  mourned  over !  I  once  thought 
I  could  not  set  down  on  a  level  with  the  greatest  outward  sin- 
ners. In  repeating  those  lines, — 

"  O  might  I  as  tha  harlot  lie, 
At  those  dear  feet  transfuwl  for  me  t" 


208  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VI. 

I  have  stopped  and  thought, — I  fear  I  am  not  right.  I  cannot 
feel  myself  the  chief  of  sinners.  I  cannot  repent  of  the  sins 
which  (through  preventing  grace)  I  have  not  committed.  But, 
alas  !  the  sight  I  have  had  of  inbred  sin  ;  the  base  departure  of 
my  heart  from  a  close  waik  with  God  ;  and  the  depth  of  self 
and  pride  I  have  there  discovered,  is  in  my  eyes  more  dreadful 
than  outward  transgression.  I  have  sometimes  looked  on  those 
sinners  universally  despised  by  men,  and  felt  in  my  heart  that 
I  preferred  them  to  myself,  while  the  depth  of  "  that  carnal 
mind  which  is  enmity  against  God,"  struggled  for  the  mastery. 
In  these  conflicts  of  soul,  how  often  have  I  thought,  If  I  did  but 
know  there  was  as  great  a  sinner  as  myself  before  the  throne, 
who  nevertheless  had  been  here  filled  with  the  fulness  of  God, 
after  all  that  they  had  felt  and  done,  it  would  bring  a  heaven 
into  my  breast !  How  often  have  I  wept  over  those  words, 

"  If  so  poor  a  worm  as  I 
May  to  thy  great  glory  live !" 

I  feared,  though  the  Lord  was  gracious,  that  I  must  not  look  to- 
be  saved,  except  as  by  fire ;  and  that  I  should  never  bring  that 
.honour  to  God  which  my  soul  dosired.  But  now,  glory  be  to 
God!  that  fear  is  done  away.  1  seem  to  have  forgot  myself! 
I  am  wholly  taken  up  with  Jesus  !  The  more  I  look  at  him, 
the  more  my  faith  increases.  He  applies  to  my  heart  these 
words,  "  The  sin  of  Jacob  shall  be  sought  for,  and  there  shall 
be  none  ;  and  the  iniquity  of  Israel,  and  it  shall  not  be  found." 
He  hath  shown  me  the  way  to  rise  above  the  mountains  of 
inbred  sin.  He  hath  enabled  me  in  hope  to  believe  against 
hope,  and  so  come  nearer  to  our  great  pattern,  "the  father  of 
the  faithful,  who  staggered  not  at  the  promises,  but  was  strong 
in  faith,  giving  glory  to  God  !*  He  is  the  author  and  the  finish- 
er of  my  faith  !"  Yes,  he  will  make  us  worthy.  I  sink  into 
nothing,  and  look  at  the.  Lord  my  righteousness,  and  I  feel 
those  believing  views  are  transforming  views ;  and  the  more 
entirely  I  abandon  myself  into  his  hands,  the  more  permanent 
is  my  peace. 

I  now  praise  the  Lord,  "  that  where  sin  hath  abounded,  grace 
doth  much  more  abound."  The  clear  light  I  have  into  the 
mysteries  of  redeeming  love,  causes  my  strains  of  praise  to  run 
the  higher.  Yes,  they  shall  love  him  most,  who  have  most 
forgiven  !  I  do  not  know  that  I  ever  feel  my  will  and  affec- 
tions depart  from  him.  I  feel  a  child-like  simplicity ;  and  & 
purity  which,  it  seems  to  me,  my  very  outward  person  must 
express.  Yet,  I  am  always  committing  blunders,  and  even 
showing  roughness ;  when  really  there  is  nothing  but  love.  I 
used  to  feel  just  the  contrary.  I  used  to  strive  to  act  as  a 

*  O  that  all  who  feel  their  spirit  oppressed  in  beholding  these  mountains  would 
take  this  way  !  How  Boon  would  th../  all  sink  into  a  plain  ! — ED. 


VI.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  209 

Christian ;  but  it  was  a  constraint ;  and  though,  by  the  power 
of  God,  I  kept  within  the  line,  yet  it  was  not  free  and  natural. 
Now  I  often  feel,  if  I  could  be  turned  inside  out,  I  should  bring 
more  glory  to  God  than  I  do.  But  that  there  still  should  be 
these  blemishes  in  my  deportment,  deeply  humbles  me,  and  for 
inward  and  outward  defects  I  cry, 

"  Every  moment,  Lord,  I  need 
The  merit  of  thy  death !" 

One  day,  lamenting  before  the  Lord  that  I  did  not  in  my 
conversation  more  adorn  the  truth,  it  was  brought  to  my  mind, 
that  gold  must  be  kept  in  the  fire  till  purified  from  all  dross ; 
and  that  even  then  it  would  be  liable  to  be  sullied.  For  that, 
however,  a  rub  would  suffice.  This  was  very  different  from 
the  purification  it  needed  at  first.  I  must  ever  be  ashamed 
before  him !  And  if  any  one  ignorantly  ascribes  any  thing  to 
me,  it  gives  me  a  pain  I  cannot  express.  Yet  I  think  that- 
word  is  more  exemplified  in  me  now  than  when  I  was  at  Hoxi 
ton,  (though  I  then  used  the  same  expression  in  a  lower  mean- 
ing)  "  I  live  not,  but  Christ  liveth  in  me.1"  I  now,  however, 
discern  such  a  vastness  therein,  that  I  am  constrained  to  cry  out, 

"A  point,  my  good,  a  drop,  my  store, 
Eager  I  thirst,  I  pant  for  more !" 

I  am  not  led  to  speak  much  of  my  state ;  I  am  more  drawn 
to  a  quiet  waiting  on  Jesus  ;  but  on  this  occasion,  I  feel  a  call 
from  the  Lord  to  give  my  last  testimony  to  his  faithfulness.  I 
sit  at  my  Saviour's  feet.  "  I  am  poor  and  needy,  but  the  Lord 
careth  for  me!"  Therefore  "I  am  not  afraid  for  any  evil 
tidings,  for  my  heart  standeth  fast,  believing  in  the  Lord."  I 
think  I  discern  the  near  approach  of  dissolution,  and  am  daily 
made  sensible  of  decay.*  But  swelled  legs,  short  breath,  and 
other  morbid  symptoms,  give  me  no  dreary  prospect.  The  will 
and  order  of  God  is  my  choice,  in  whatsoever  way  it  manifests 
itself.  Sometimes  it  is  suggested,  that  I  shall  be  called  to  en- 
dure great  conflicts  in  death,  both  outward  and  inward.  Well, 
I  have  no  care  about  it.  Once  I  wished  to  be  able  to  express 
come  joy  in  death,  in  order  to  encourage  those  I  leave  behind. 
But  now  I  see  things  in  a  different  light.  My  life  hath  been  a 
life  of  backslidings  and  unfaithfulness.  I  know  not  therefore 
what  kind  of  death  will  bring  most  instruction  to  others,  and 
most  glory  to  God.  All  is  in  his  hand,  and  all  my  prayers  are 
lost  in  this,  «« Father,  thy  will  be  done."  I  feel  a  blooding 
wound  from  the  loss  of  that  dearest  and  best  of  men.  But  I 
am  conscious  he  is  not  dead !  No ;  he  that  "  believeth  in  Jesus 
shall  never  die."  And  the  will  of  God  is  so  dear  to  me,  I 
rejoice  it  is  done ;  though  against  my  tenderest  feelings.  He 

*  How  true  is  that  word,  Life  it  yours,  and  de.nth  is  yours—  all  shall  be  or- 
dered for  your  good  I     She  lived  twenty-four  years  after  this  tune. — ED. 
18* 


210  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  Vil- 

la wise,  and  I  kiss  the  rod.  I  admire  and  adore  !  I  have  com- 
munion with  my  dearest  love  before  the  throne !  He  waits 
for, — he  beckons  me  away !  I  rest  in  the  will  of  God ;  and  at 
this  moment 

"  Not  one  wave  of  sorrow  rolls 
Across  my  peaceful  breast !" 

I  have  found  of  late  much  comfort  in  those  words,  INFINITE 

WISDOM  !    INFINITE    POWER  !    INFINITE    LOVE  !       O    my    God  ! 

Thy  infinite  wisdom  swallows  up  all  my  choice !  Thy  infinite 
power  forbids  my  fear !  And  thy  infinite  love  makes  all  my  own ! 
And  now  I  know  this  day  in  my  heart  and  in  my  soul,  that 
"  not  one  of  the  good  things  hath  failed  me,  of  all  the  Lord  my 
God  hath  spoken  !"  Therefore,  looking  for  salvation  and  vic- 
tory alone  "  through  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,  and  the  word  of 
our  testimony,"  I  conclude  with  Simeon's  words,  "  Lord,  now 
lettest  thou  thy  servant  depart,  in  peace,  for  mine  eyes  have 
seen  thy  salvation." 


PART  THE  SEVENTH. 


EXTRACTS  FROM  HER  JOURNAL. 

WE  have  now  gone  on  with  Mrs.  Fletcher,  from  the  time 
when  in  early  youth,  she  obeyed  that  call  of  God,  "  Come  ye 
out  from  among  them,  and  be  ye  separate,  saith  the  Lord,  and 
touch  not  the  unclean  thing ;  and  I  will  receive  you,  and  be  a 
father  to  you,  and  ye  shall  be  my  sons  and  daughters,  saith  the 
Lord  Almighty."  We  have  seen  her,  like  the  great  father  of 
the  faithful,  "  go  forth  and  follow  the  Lord,  not  knowing  whither 
she  went."  We  have  seen  her  pass  through  the  wilderness 
of  cares,  and  fears,  and  somnvs,  "  leaning  ;i'?on  her  beloved  ;" 
not  forgetting,  however,  his  warning  voice,  '  remember  Lot's 
wife."  We  have  beheld  her  wading  through  the  depths  of  se;f- 
knowledge,  made  manifest  by  the  law,  and  the  painful  process 
of  which  is  so  etrik'ngly  'displayed  in  the  seventh  chapter  of 
the  Epistle  to  the  Romans.  We  have  travailed  with  her  in 
birth,  while  she  groaned  oppressed  with  the  "carnal  mind,1' 
yet,  thanking  God,  and  not  despairing  of  deliverance,  "  through 
Jesus  Christ  our  Lord."  We  have  anticipated  the  victory, 
while  she  "  encouraged  herself  in  the  Lord  her  God."  We 
have  seen  her  straggle,  not  in  vain,  till  the  opening  heaven, 
displayed  in  the  eighth  chapter  of  that  glorious  epistle,  claimed 
and  received  her  whole  heart!  We  have  seen  this  divine  pro- 
cess continue,  without  any  of  those  unscriptural  abstractions,  or 
subterfuges,  which  have  obscured  or  deformed  "the  work  of 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  211 

the  Spirit,"  in  other  devoted  souls.  What  remains  but  to  see 
if  she  carried  her  blessings  through  the  trials  of  her  remaining 
years  ? — If  she  maintained  the  same  undeviating  path  1 — If  she 
held  fast  simplicity  and  love  in  all  her  intercourse  with  her  fel- 
low creatures  1 — If  she  continued  to  "  deny  herself  daily,  and 
take  up  her  cross"?" — If  she  persevered  to  the  end  of  her  race, 
"  trusting  in  the  Lord,  doing  good  unto  all,  and  especially  to 
the  household  of  faith?"  An  extract  from  her  journals,  which 
are  very  copious,  will  furnish  us  with  a  clear,  and  we  hope,  not 
a  tiresome  answer  to  these  very  important  questions. — ED. 

January  1,  1792. — This  has  been  a  solemn  day.  At  the  sa- 
crament I  gave  myself  afresh  to  the  Lord.  At  night  we  re- 
newed our  covenant ; — my  soul  strove  for  a  perfect  dedication. 
It  is  the  last  time,  I  suppose,  that  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Home  will  bo 
with  us,  on  this  occasion,  which  added  to  the  solemnity*. 
.  Friday  6. — A  day  of  solemn  prayer  in  many  parts  of  it. — 
Yet  much  temptation  and  distraction  at  others.  O !  how  does 
my  soul  long  for  the  full  union.  I  feel  a  fixed  reliance  on  Jesus, 
and  an  increasing  desire  after  him.  "  O.  tell  me,  thou  whom 
my  soul  loveth,  where  thou  makest  thy  flock  to  rest  at  noon  !" 
I  long  after  thy  jmeridian  brightness.  This  day  ten  years  I 
came  first  to  Madeley,  and  my  dear  husband  led  me  through 
the  house.  We  prayed  together,  and  gave  ourselves  up  into 
the  hands  of  the  Lord.  What  have  I  seen  since  that  time  1 
Well,  blessed  be  the  Lord,  I  am  nearer  to  him,  and  more  free 
to  serve  God,  both  inwardly  and  outwardly,  than  I  was  that 
night.  But,  I  want  to  be  a  meet  partaker  with  my  dear,  dear, 
holy  husband  now  in  light !  I  want  to  feel  a  fuller  degree  of 
the  spirit  in  which  he  lives  f  Lord,  thou  hast  said,  "  Whom 
God  hath  joined  together,  let  no  man  put  asunder."  Are  we 
not  still  ONE  ?  Thou  knowcst,  O  Lord,  our  union  was  far  more 
in  the  spirit  than  in  the  flesh  •  and 

•':Can  death's  interposing  tide, 
line  in  ihoe  divide V 

Si^ely  nc.  O  then  make  me  "  a  partaker  of  the  inheritance 
of  an  saints  in  light!" 

7th. — Received  to-day  a  striking  conviction  how  careful  I 
ought  to  be  not  to  expose  the  fault  or  infirmity  of  any  one.  I 
want  so  to  love  my  neighbours  as  to  feel  all  their  concerns  «\w 
tenderly  as  if  they  were  my  own.  When  1  err  in  the  least  from 
this,  I  feel  the  Lord's  rebuke. 

12th. — A  day  of  recollection.  I  prayed  last  night,  that  1 
might  not  offend  with  my  tongue  all  the  day.  I  knew  I  should 
be  exposed  to  some  hurrying  circumstances,  and  I  pleaded  in 
faith,  that  there  might  not  come  one  word  out  of  my  mouth, 

*  Mr.  Home,  curate  of  Madeley,  was  then  preparing  to  go  to  Sierra  Leone,  an 
chaplain  to  that  settlement.— ED 


J12  TH*  LI*"E  OK  [PART  m- 

that  I  could  have  a  sorrowful  thought  for.  And  blessed  be  h» 
holy  name,  I  have  found  a  constant  sense  of  a  divine  monitor, 
warning  and  keeping  me  the  whole  day.  Yes,  thou  hast  an- 
swered my  prayer,  glory  be  to  thee,  O  Lord  !  I  have  thia  day 
also  found  a  sweet  idea  of  Christ's  condescending  love,  and 
gentle  manner  in  reproving  his  disciples.  And  is  not  his  heart 
the  same  in  heaven  1  Yes,  it  is  !  "He  is  the  same  yesterday, 
to-day,  and  for  ever."  Then  he  does  pity  and  bear  with  me  t 
Yea,  his  blood  hath  atoned  for  all. 

"  Jesus  protects ;  my  fears  begone ! 
Who  can  the  Rock  of  Ages  move  1 
Within  thine  arms  I  lay  me  down, 
Thine  everlasting  arms  of  love !" 

25th. — Last  Saturday  Mr.  Home  and  his  family  set  out  from 
BUT  house  for  Sierra  Leone,  the  place  of  his  mission  in  Africa. 
For  three  weeks  we  have  been  a  good  deal  taken  up  in  helping 
them  to  prepare  for  this  great  undertaking.  I  found  much  of 
the  approval  of  God  in  all  we  had  to  do,  and  a  delight  in  the 
thought,  that  so  poor  a  worm  can  in  the  least  contribute  toward 
what  appears  so  much  for  the  glory  of  God.  The  next  day 
was  solemn.  Mr.  Gilpin  kindly  assisted  m,  and  encouraged 
us  to  believe  we  should  not  suffer  for  what  we  had  given  up  in 
obedience  to  God's  order.  His  sermon  was  attended  with 
unction.  In  the  afternoon  he  was  obliged  to  leave  us,  and  re- 
turn to  his  own  congregation.  I  had  a  meeting  in  our  room, 
as  there  was  no  service  in  the  church.  There  was  a  weight 
on  my  spirit.  I  now  missed  my  dear  husband.  Our  being 
without  a  minister  may  cause  many  disagreeable  things  ;  and 
I  alone  feel  the  burden.  Here  is  no  Mr.  Home,  thought  I,  to 
consult  with.  However,  we  had  a  very  sweet  time  !  The  Lord 
was  present  in  a  more  than  common  manner.  I  felt  liberty  and 
freedom  to  speak,  but  we  were  greatly  crowded.  Numbers 
went  away  for  want  of  room,  at  which  I  was  grieved.  Lord, 
direct  us  in  all  our  ways  ! 

There  is  a  good  spirit  in  our  people ;  they  feel  the  loss  of 
their  minister,  and  yet  seem  resigned  to  the  will  of  God. 

March  4. — Since  the  above  I  have  passed  through  various 
scenes.  Our  room  being  too  small  for  the  Sunday  congrega- 
tion, I  thought  it  a  call  to  go  to  the  Dale,  and  believed  the 
badness  of  the  roads  were  not  to  hinder.  But  the  Lord  has 
been  pleased  to  visit  me  with  illness,  and  has  quite  confined 
me  to  my  room.  I  found  much  peace  in  the  divine  appoint- 
ment. One  day  the  doctor  told  me  he  thought  my  case  very 
bad ;  and  1  had  reason  to  believe  I  was  very  near  my  Father's 
house.  I  felt  all  my  soul  acquiesce  in  the  divine  disposal ;  and 
though  I  had  no  particular  joy,  but  rather  dartg  from  the  enemy, 
nevertheless  I  felt  my  soul  lie  down  as  it  were  on  the  will  of 
God,  as  on  a  soft  pillow.  Soon  after  it  appeared,  I  should  for  a 


VIK]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  213 

time  be  better.  All  was  still  right.  O  the  blessing  of  having 
a  God  to  trust  to  ! 

I  am  now  again  enabled  to  attend  the  meetings,  and  I  find 
an  increasing  power  and  freedom  ;  but  we  are  still  without  a 
minister,  which  causes  many  difficulties.  Every  day,  and  al- 
most every  hour,  things  occur  to  make  me  feel  afresh  the  want 
of  that  shepherd  who  so  naturally  cared  for  our  souls,  and  so 
tenderly  led  this  flock  for  such  a  number  of  years.  But  I  feel 
a  pleasure  in  the  cross.  It  is  a  favour,  a  great  favour,  to  suffer 
any  thing  for  my  God.  A  new  ministry  has  something,  awful. 
Should  it  be  carnal,  what  a  pain  will  it  be  to  me  to  see  my 
dear's  pulpit  so  occupied  !  Should  he  be  a  spiritual  man,  yet 
perhaps  he  will  not  agree  with  the  Methodist  preachers,  and 
that  will  cause  dissensions,  a  thing  unknown  at  Madeley,  as 
yet.  But  in  all  I  stand  still,  determined  to  be  well  pleased 
with  a%that  the  Lord  provides.  Should  there  be  a  disagree- 
ment, r^jaust  bear  the  weight  on  both  sides.  O  thou  great 
Shepherd  and  Bishop  of  souls,  I  hang  on  thee !  I  hide  me  in 
the  cleft  df  thy  side,  and  as  it  were,  wrap  me  in  thy  will ! 
Crosses  are  very  profitable.  I  have  one  foot  in  the  grave,  and 
often  but  a  rouAjftath.  It  reminded  me  of  a  dream  I  had 
when  about  twenfy"-three,  before  my  soul  had  lost  that  liberty 
it  got  at  Hoxton.  I  thought.  I  was  looking  through  my  breast 
at  my  heart,  and  it  appeared  very  smo^fe  and  white.  Presently 
I  saw  the  finger  of  a  hand  with  something  like  the  blade  of  a 
penknife.  It  began  to  scrape ;  immediately  all  was  rough  and 
Drown,  till  after  a  time  I  saw  one  spot  like  white  velvet.  Then 
it  was  spoken  to  me,  You  must  endure  that  circumcising  knife 
till  the  whole  is  like  that  spot !  There  was  a  great  change  at 
that  time,  and  a  real  renewal  as  far  as  it  went.  But  when  after- 
ward the  keen  and  close  knife  was  laid  to,  all  appeared  rough. 
O,  let  me  endure  till  thy  whole  will  is  done  !  O,  the  perfect 
atonement !  Yes,  t he  blood  of  Christ  cleanseth  from  all  sin ! 
When  a  room  is  dark,  let  in  the  sun  and  it  is  light !  Yet  there 
is  no  light  from  the  room,  it  is  all  in  the  sun.  So  the  soul  uniting 
itself  to  Christ  by  faith,  is  made  pure  by  that  union,  and  kept 
pure  by  the  continuance  of  it.  As  I  was  pleading  that  word 
to-day,  "  In  this  is  rny  Father  glorified,  that  ye  bring  forth  much 
fruit," — I  thought,  it  is  only  union  with  Christ  than  can  make 
me  fruitful.  I  had  a  glimpse  of  that  union,  and  saw  it  was  all 
free  gift.  Therefore  I  may  ask  and  have  the  fulness  of  the 
Spirit !  Hallelujah  ! 

June  22. — What  cause  have  I  to  trust  in  the  Lord  !  On  May 
31st  Mr.  Walter  came  to  reside.  Nearly  five  months  I  had  the 
cross  of  being  withoui  a  minister,  but  now  the  Lord  hath  pro- 
vided one  who,  I  trust,  will  prove  a  man  after  his  own  heart. 
'  I  have  only  to  stand  still  and  see  his  salvation  in  all,  and  my 
spirit  finds  rest  in  ao  doing.  I  have  of  late  had  some  very 


214  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  Vn, 

comfortable  seasons  in  speaking  to  the  people,  and  much  of 
the  presence  of  God.  I  have  had  a  dream,  from  which  I  de- 
rived some  profit.  I  seemed  to  be  assaulted  by  Satan.  Imme- 
diately I  saw  a  Man  at  a  distance,  partly  covered  with  a  cloud. 
He  seemed  to  take  no  notice  of  me  for  a  long  time  ;  at  last  he 
came  up  to  me.  As  he  drew  near,  Satan  fell  back.  The  Man 
laid  his  hand  on  my  arm,  and  said,  "  Be  strong."  On  which 
I  felt  a  strength  go  through  me  I  cannot  describe.  He  then 
returned  to  the  same  spot,  and  seemed  to  take  no  more  notice 
of  me.  After  a  time  the  enemy  came  again,  and  struggled 
hard  with  me.  I  often  looked  toward  the  Alan,  but  he  ap- 
peared to  take  no  notice.  When  my  strength  was  almost 
gone,  I  raised  my  left  hand  and  weakly  put  it  against  the  enemy, 
saying,  The  Lord  Jesus  bruise  thec  beneath  my  feet  from 
this  time  for  ever !  upon  which  he  fell  flat  to  the  ground.  The 
Man  behind  the  cloud  then  said,  "  Do  you  hear  thatl*Do  you 
all  witness  it  ?"  To  which  a  great  number  of  voiyf,  as  in  a 
musical  note,  answered, — We  do  !  we  do !  we  do  !  They 
seemed  above  me,  around  me,  and  on  every  side !  And  their 
voices  were  so  loud  the  sound  awoke  me.  It  seemed  to  point 
out  to  me  two  great  truths.  First,  Tha^Ahose  times  when 
the  Lord  appears  not  to  answer  as  my  sour  could  wish,  I  am 
still  to  see  him  as  looking  upon  me,  and  equally  trust  him  when 
he  does  or  does  not  ^teak.  Secondly,  That  we  are  contin- 
ually in  the  sight  of  the  eternal  world.  Indeed  this  I  always 
knew  ;  but  I  feit  it  more  deeply  impressed.  I  seem  peculiarly 
conscious  of  the  presence  of  the  heavenly  host,  and  would  act, 
think,  and  speak,  with  the  deepest  reverence. 

August  16,  Thursday. — On  Tuesday  last  was  the  anniver- 
sary of  my  dear  husband's  death.  Seven  years  have  passed 
since  that  awful  scene.  Seven  years  has  he  been  in  glory ! 
And  I,  a  poor  mournful  widow  walking  below  through  my  pil- 
grimage alone.  But  what  mercies  have  I  seen  in  tiiose  seven 
years  !  O,  had  I  at  first  known  I  should  have  stayed  so  long 
here,  it  would  have  looked  very  sad.  But  I  feel  more  and  more 
we  are  to  live  the  present  moment,  and  I  find  help  and  strength 
is  given  for  every  hour.  It  was  a  solemn  but  good  day  to  me. 
My  husband  seemed  unspeakably  dear  and  near  to  me ;  but 
the  love  of  the  will  of  God  kept  me  all  day  above  every  painful 
feeling. 

September  12. — This  summer  I  have  been  much  called  to 
speak  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,  and  such  a  way  has  been  made 
for  me,  as  to  weather  and  conveyance,  and  various  circum- 
stances, that  it  fully  convinced  me  I  have  no  need  of  care.  O, 
how  sweet  is  that  command,  "  Cast  thy  burden  upon  the  Lord, 
and  he  will  sustain  thee  !"  I  do  not  know  also  that  ever  I  feh. 
such  help  and  liberty  from  the  Lord  in  all  my  life,  as  I  have 
done  in  speaking  this  year,  both  winter  and  summer,  at  home 


*ART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  215 

and  abroad.  It  is  a  cross  to  the  flesh,  but,  glory  be  to  thee, 
thy  light  doth  shine  on  my  ways. 

This  day  I  am  fifty-three  years  old.  O  that  I  may  from  this 
day  begin  a  new  life  !  Once  more  we  are  free  from  company ; 
and  I  am  led  to  give  myself  more  abundantly  to  private  prayer. 
Since  we  have  been  alone,  a  deep  conviction  has  rested  on  my 
mind  of  the  shortness  of  time,  a«d  how  little  longer  I  may 
retain  any  degree  of  health.  Therefore  I  determined  to  seek 
for  an  increase  of  the  Spirit  to  unitt  me  more  to  himself,  as  he 
sees  good,  so  I  may  but  glorify  him.  I  seem  to  be  threatened 
with  a  cancer,  and  rather  seemed  b  shrink  at  the  prospect. 
But  it  may  be  the  answer  of  my  owi  prayer ;  and  I  still  say, 
Only  make  me  holy  ! 

October  4. — I  was  led  this  morniig  to  offer  up  my  whole 
self  to  God.  First,  My  body,  for  an^  suffering  he  saw  good. 
I  leave  it  all  to  him.  If  any  means  aj;  to  be  used,  I  believe 
the  Lord  will  himself  direct  what  sh-11  be  done.  Secondly, 
My  reputation,  to  be  esteemed  or  depised.  Thirdly,  My 
substance,  to  be  continued  or  withhelt  Fourthly,  My  soul. 
1  commit  it  altogether  to  the  Lord.  H>  knows  I  want  to  be 
fully  saved ;  and  ^vill  consider  it  as  mj  one  business.  Lord, 
get  thyself  glory  *on  me  !  The  other  norning  I  was  awaked 
by  those  words  powerfully  impressed, — 

"  O  glorious  seat,  thou  God  oufr  Kng, 
Shalt  thither  bring  our  willing  fit!" 

Last  night  those  words  were  precious,  '  With  favour  will  1 
encompass  them  as  with  a  shield."  My  spirit  seems  to  long 
for  a  closer  communion.  I  have  thought  on  those  words, — 
"  If  any  man  love  me  he  will  keep  my  wcrds,  and  my  Father 
will  love  him,  and  we  will  come  unto  him,  md  make  our  abode 
with  him."  I  see  I  must  apply  myself  mere  to  "  do  the  will 
of  God,"  watching  each  word  and  thought,  md  taking  up  every 
cross  with  cheerfulness. 

October  12. — I  have  been  reading  over  vith  deep  attention, 
the  Life  of  Mr.  David  Brainerd.  O,  whit  a  deep  searching 
book  have  I  found  it !  Many  times  bebre  have  I  read  it 
through,  but  never  so  entered  into  the  sprit  of  it  as  now.  He 
observes,  It  was  always  his  heaven  to  do  .he  will  of  God,  from 
his  first  conviction;  and  he  could  neve'  rest,  but  in  doing 
something  for  the  Lord,  even  when  dfath  waa  upon  him ! 
Lord,  make  me  to  be  of  that  mind !  To  aave  our  happiness  in 
doing  and  suffering  the  will  of  God,  is  indeed  the  strongest 
assurance  the  soul  can  have  of  future  glory.  For,  can  any 
thing  separate  God's  will  from  himself!  Neither  life  nor 
death  can  then  divide  the  soul  ffom  his  eternal  presence. 
Glory  be  to  God,  I  feel  some  little  (neasure  of  this  spirit.  My 
delight  is,  that  the  Lord  reigneth,  and  my  rest  is  in  his  will. 
AB  I  was  thinking  the  other  day,  perhaps  I  may  be  called  to 


516  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VII, 

have  the  cancer  cut  out  of  my  breast,  perhaps  out  of  both,  as 
there  is  pain  in  the  other, — and  formed  the  idea  of  the  hand- 
kerchief tied  over  my  eyes,  and  my  arms  bound  to  the  chair. 
As  I  was  offering  myself  up  to  the  will  of  God,  I  felt  those 
words  applied,  "  I  am  ready  not  only  to  be  bound,  but  to  die 
for  the  Lord  Jesus." 

On  Monday  morning  I  ha^  a  peculiar  sweetness  on  my  spirit 
in  meeting  the  people  ;  and  it  night  I  read  and  spoke  from  the 
21st  of  Matthew.  It  was  i  good  time,  and  some  souls  were 
blest.  On  the  Tuesday,  bang  our  intercession,  I  do  not  know 
when  I  have  found  such  liferty.  The  Lord  was  very  present, 
and  a  deep  solemnity  reaed  on  the  congregation  ;  some  of 
whom  have  since  told  nW  the  Lord  wrought  much  on  them 
that  night.  Blessed  be  aod,  he  still  gives  me  to  bear  his 
message  to  the  people.  &  that  my  little  remaining  strength 
and  time  may  all  be  dev/ted  to  him.  Yet  I  have  of  late  been 
much  tried  with  such  a  Jtupor  upon  me  in  the  morning,  that  I 
cannot  rise  till  near  alven  o'clock.  This  pains  me  much. 
Lord,  make  me  more  ictive  in  thy  work !  I  have  since  ob- 
served some  answer  tl  prayer,  with  regard  to  rising  in  the 
morning ;  Lord,  give  np  to  persevere  ! 

November  1. — Theuord  give  me  to  abouml  in  charity  as  to 
the  outward  act !  Bit  where  is  the  difficulty  of  being  so, 
when  the  Lord  hath  /nade  my  cup  to  run  over  1  If  ever  my 
charity  was  great,  it  ras  when  I  had  little,  expecting  a  prison 
for  myself,  while  I  ws  helping  others.  Yet  at  that  time  I  am 
not  sure  it  was  cheerfully  done ; — a  necessity  seemed  laid 
upon  me.  But  now  though  I  give  much,  and  am  much  em- 
ployed for  the  poor,  yet  I  fear  I  do  not  save  all  I  might  for 
them  out  of  what  is  /pent  on  my  worthless  self.  How  has  the 
Lord  appeared  for  pe !  Another's  grace,  another's  wisdom, 
another's  managenfint ! — My  father's  and  husband's  money 
all  devoted  to  rny  service  !  all  gathered  together  to  serve  me  ! 
While  these  thoughts  came  rolling  over  my  mind,  those  words 
presented  themselves,  "  When  I  sent  you  without  purse  or 
script,  lacked  ye  any  thing  1  And  they  said,  Nothing." 

November  13,  Tuesday. — Yesterday  concluded  eleven  years 
since  my  dear  husband  and  I  were  made  one.  It  was  a  solemn 
day  to  iije.  I  strove  to  renew  my  marriage  covenant  with  the 
Lord ;  but  it  was  a  lay  of  gloom ;  I  had  no  near  access. — 
Much  of  it  was  employed  among  the  people,  as  Monday  usually 
is.  In  the  morning  meeting  1  had  some  liberty,  and  more  at 
night,  while  reading  and  speaking  on  the  12th  of  the  Hebrews. 

December  1. — I  was  much  encouraged  in  considering,  that 
it  is  the  office  of  Jesus  tc  "  baptize  with  the  Holy  Ghost." 
How  is  it  we  so  neglect  to  ook  for  the  fulfilment  of  that  office 
of  our  Lord !  Did  he  not  say,  "  He  that  believeth  on  me,  out 
of  his  belly  ehall  flow  rivers  of  living  water?  And  this  b* 


PART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  217 

«pake  of  the  Spirit,"  which  they  who  believe  on  him  were  to 
receive.  This  gift  of  the  Holy  Ghost  is  therefore  the  very 
tiling  believers  are  to  look  for.  No  matter  what  they  call  it, — 
a  clean  heart,  salvation  from  evil  tempers,  purity,  or  what  they 
will, — it  makes  no  difference.  There  is  a  baptism  of  the  Spirit 
for  believers  to  receive,  and  which  I  have  had  a  taste  of;  but 
I  want  the  fulness.  The  Lord  is  faithful, — it  shall  come.  Yes, 
I  see  it,  I  come  near  it,  I  feel  a  touch  of  it  while  writing ;  yet 
my  faith  wants  a  farther  lift.  Lord,  it  must  be  all  thy  own 
doing ! 

December  2. — I  was  talking  yesterday  with  one  who  told 
me  many  were  much  alarmed  about  the  nation. — That  inflam- 
matory papers  were  throwing  about  among  the  army,  and  it  is 
feared  they  will  raise  among  them  such  a  spirit  as  reigns  in 
those  of  France.  I  was  led  to  consider  that  and  various  other 
things  which  appeared  to  me  as  signs  of  the  times.  At  night 
I  felt  much  liberty  in  pleading  for  our  good  king,  and  that  God 
would  restrain  the  evil  ones,  who  are  striving  to  raise  a  spirit 
of  ingratitude  and  rebellion  in  our  nation.  I  felt  comfort  in 
my  old  word, — "  The  Lord  reigneth  !" 

Decerftber  11. — This  has  been  on  the  whole  a  good  day.     I 
cannot  say  I  have  found  so  much  liberty  in  the  times  of  family 
prayer  as  I  usually  have ;  but  in  the  five  times  of  my  private ' 
approaches  to  the  Lord  I  think  I  have  each  time  had  a  greater 
degree  of  it. 

December  16,  Sunday. — My  spirit  pants  after  God!  O 
Lord,  glorify  thyself  upon  me  ;  this  is  what  I  long  for,  and  pray 
for.  I  seem  like  a  poor  beggar  waiting  at  mercy's  door ;  oft 
full  of  hope,  and  then  again  the  door  seems  shut.  I  want  the 
spirit  of  prayer.  I  want  also  a  more  self-denying  spirit.  Last 
night  1  dreamed  my  dear  husband  wrote  a  line  for  me  to  read. 
I  took  up  the  paper  witli  desire,  and  read — "  Those  who  closely 
follow  Jesus  Christ  can  discern  the  mark  of  the  thorn  in  his 
steps."  As  soon  as  I  was  dressed,  I  lighted  a  candle,  and 
opened  the  Bible  to  read,  when  I  cast  my  eyes  on  those  words, 
"Seeing  Christ  hath  suffered  in  the  flesh,  arm  yourselves  alt-o 
with  the  same  mind."  I  see  it.  If  I  would  Christ, 

I  must  know  my  path  by  that  very  mark.     A  .  '  <'ath  to 

my  own  will.     Lord,  show  me  how  to  walk  f  mo  a 

steady  power  to  rise  tlfe  very  moment  the  alarungoes  off.  To 
watch  against  sloth  all  day,  and  to  use  more  abstemiousness  ia 
my  food.  I  believe  this  would  be  good  both  for  souLn^d  body ; 
and  I  have  asked  it  of  the  Lord,  that  Sally  may  see  it  in  thr 
right  light,  and  not  fret  and  be  unhappy  when  I  do  not  taKC 
what  she  thinks  I  ought.  This  is  oft  a  mighty  hinderance  to 
me  in  little  mortifications  which  I  would  use.  I  am  quite  clear 
"I  have  no  right  to  hurt  my  body.  I  am  not,  I  think,  in  any 
danger  of  that.  But  often  self-denial  promotes  health.  I  hope 
UP 


218  THE  LIFE  OF  |>RT  Vlf. 

to  begin  to-morrow,-a  day  which  we  had  set  apart  to  pray  for 
the  nltion,  and  for  the  children  on  whom  the  Lord  had  begur 
to  work.     I  propose  to  keep  a  watch  over  my  appetite  each 
day,  and  this  indeed  the  Lord  hath  already  given  me ;  but  to 
this  I  would  add  a  shadow  (for  I  cannot  call  it  more)  of  a  fasi 
twice  a  week.     On  Mondays  arid  Fridays  I  would  omit  butter 
in  the  morning,  eating  dry  bread,  and  as  ^\*°»***£ 
without  sugar.     For  dinner,  water  gruel,  with  salt  and  pepper, 
and  as  on°other  days,  tea  for  my  supper -Th,s  cannot  tart 
my  health,  and  may  be  a  kind  of  remembrancer  that  there 

8UFhebruary  ^1793.-The  watch-night,  the  last  evening  of  the 
year,  and  the  intercession,  the  first  of  this  year,  were  both 
favoured  with  much  of  the  presence  of  God,  and  some  souls 
were  a  .rood  deal  stirred  up.  Blessed  be  the  Lord,  the  work 
does  no°t  cease.  How  melancholy  did  our  situation  appear 
when  Mr.  Home  was  called  away!  But  we  are  comfortably 
provided  for  in  a  minister.  O,  how  good  it  is  to  stand  still, 
S  commit  all  our  ways  to  God !  This  day  my  spmt  has  been 
waiting  on  the  Lord,  and  enabled  to  keep  in  his  presence 

March  20  —This  morning  I  felt  a  power  to  ask  thft  I  might 
be  kept  from  grieving  the  Hdy  Spirit  all  the  day  I  knew  there 
'  wouMbe  mudi  hurry  and  many  distractions.  Glory  be  to  my 
God'  I  found  Jesus  a  sweet  refuge,  anf,a  freedom  trom  all 
confusion  or  hurry  of  thought  all  the  day  The  presence  of 
the  Lord  keeps  all  in  peace.  This  day  I  have  experienced 
afresh  the  fulfilment  of  my  former  promise  of  haying  plenty  of 
silver.  Among  other  things  I  have,  had  some  singular  oppor- 
tunities of  helping  the  church  and  the  poor,  each  in  small  por- 
tions. Oh  '.  how  can  I  praise  the  Lord  sufficiently  for  such  an 
lulcrence  !  What  numbers  of  his  dear  children  am  I  enabled 
to  assist!  Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  all  that  is  within 
me,  bless  his  holy  name  !  . 

March  26.— This  morning  having  some  pamtul  thoughts 
respecting  the  cancer,  I  carried  them  to  the  Lord.    A  sweet 
calm  came  over  my  spirit.     I  could  freely  offer  up  all  to  God. 
He  knows,  if  I  saw  my  way  clear,  I  am  ready  every  hour  tc 
submit  to  the  operation.    While  I  waited  in  calm  and  peaceful 
resignation,  that  word  occurred  to  my  mind,  "  Can  there  be 
evifin  the  city,  and  the  Lord  hath  not  done  it  ?»     I  said,  No ! 
it  is  all  in  his  hand.    It  can  rise  no  higher  than  he  pleases. 
.     thought,  also,  If  my  dear  husband  was  with  me,  and  had  power 
over  the  complaint,  should  I  be  under  any  concern  about  it. 
answered    No,  I  should  not.     My  tender  partner  would  direct 
and  help  me  through  all.     Well,  said  my  heart,  my  heavenly 
Bridegroom  is  more  powerful,  more  loving,  more  present,  th 
the  dearest  human  friend  can  be.    I  have  nothing  to  do  but 
stand  still,  and  he  will  instruct  me  in  the  way  I  should  go.     1 


»ART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  219 

have  his  own  promise,  all  shall  work  together  for  my  good. 
Even  my  mistake,  if  I  am  under  one  respecting  this  disease, 
all  shall  be  for  good.  I  am  alone,  and  have  none  to  direct  me. 
Therefore,  I  give  up  all  to  my  Lord !  and  as  we  order  for  an 
infant,  so  will  he  order  all  for  me.  Whatever  is  his  choice  is 
mine. 

April  1. — Yesterday,  being  Easter  Sunday,  I  felt  a  desire  to 
give  up  all  my  concerns  into  the  hands  of  God,  by  a  fresh  dedi- 
cation of  myself  to  him  at  his  table.  I  was  much  troubled  the 
night  before  with  a  suggestion,  that  I  ought  to  have  the  cancer 
cut  out,  and  that  I  shpuld  see  it  so,  by  and  by.  I  ventured  to 
pray  that  if  it  were  the  will  of  God  that  I  should  stand  still  and 
wait  on  him,  he  would  give  me  a  peculiar  blessing  on  the 
morrow.  My  prayer  was  graciously  heard.  So  comfortable  a 
Sabbath  I  have  not  had  for  years.  I  gave  up  soul  and  body 
into  the  Lord's  hand,  with  a  firm  confidence  that  he  would 
order  for  me,  as  a  tender  husband  for  a  wife  ;  and  when  I  went 
to  the  table  I  was  enabled  to  consider  it  as  the  seal  of  our  mu- 
tual covenant,  and  my  faith  has  ever  since  found  an  increase. 
The  marks  of  death  seem  to  be  upon  me,  and  they  are  a  great 
blessing !  I  seem  continually  called  to  offer  myself  up  as  in 
martyrdom ;  and  so  many  sweet  promises  come  before  me, 
assuring  rne  of -the  tender  care  of  my  Lord,  that  I  sometimes 
think  never  was  a^eature  so  safe  and  so  happy. 

April  4. — Rcfle<Jf|ng  this  morning  on  the  various  ways  in 
which  differc:  express  themselves  concerning  sancti- 

fication,  or  what  is  called  Christian  perfection,  I  was  led  to 
think,  May  it  not  be  thus  expressed, — I  feel  a  degree  of  faith 
which  continually  unites  me  to  God,  through  the  atoning  blood. 
"  I  abide  in  Christ,"  through  whom  I  am  always  accepted,  and 
I  feel  nothing  contrary  to  love.  Yea,  I  am  far  from  what  I 
ought  to  be ;  and  I  obey  with  joy  my  Lord's  admonition, 
"  When  ye  have  done  all,  say,  I  am  an  unprofitable  servant." 
Being  taken  into  Christ,  as  a  drop  of  water  into  the  ocean,  I 
lose  myself  in  him,  and  find  in  him  my  all  for  time  and  for 
eternity  !  Now  a  measure  of  this  state  1  do  feel ;  and  I  feel 
strong  drawings  to  expect  a  clearer  fellowship, — a  throwing 
open  the  everlasting  doors  of  my  soul,  and  a  more  powerful 
entrance  of  the  King  of  glory  ! 

Saturday  6. — I  went  this  morning  to  see  a  sick  family  lately 
come  into  the  town,  and  ill  of  a  putrid  fever,  of  which  the  father 
died.  O,  how  dark  did  I  find  all  those  who  were  recovered ! 
The  various  places  I  called  at  yielded  little  satisfaction  till  we 
came  to  D.  The  girl  was  just  on  the  point  of  marriage  wit! 
a  pious  young  man,  and  every  way  to  her  advantage.  But  in- 
stead of  this,  she  is  now  brought  to  death's  door  by  a  painful 
and  dangerous  disorder.  She  told  me  she  did  not  find  her 
inclination  at  all  to  this  world ;  that  she  had  much  rather  die 


220  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VII  / 

•  than  live.  She  added,  "  How  good  is  the  Lord  in  all  he  does  f 
The  apothecary  gives  me  better  medicines  to  do  me  good,  and 
I  love  him  for  it,  though  he  may  mistake  and  do  me  harm.  But 
God  cannot  mistake,  and  shall  I  not  love  him?  O,  he  keeps 
my  mind  so  quiet,  I  can  leave  all  unto  him.  Sometimes  I  have 
great  temptations,  and  reason  whether  I  have  not  brought  it  all 
on  myself,  by  taking  too  hard  a  place."  I  observed,  But  you 
went  there  believing  it  to  be  for  the  best?  "  Yes,"  she  replied, 
"  and  the  Lord  soon  comforts  me  again,  if  such  thoughts  come. 
The  other  night  I  dreamed  I  was  dead.  I  thought  1  was  look- 
ing down  on  tnis  bed,  and  said,  There  is.the  spot  on  which  my 
crown  was  brightened,  and  I  have  not  had  one  pain  too  much; 
arid  so  I  shall  say  when  I  get  to  glory."  Her  words  were 
exceedingly  animating  to  me.  When  she  first  met  with  me 
among  the  children,  I  always  observed  her  deep  attention.  O, 
how  she  has  grown  in  grace ! 

May  14. — The  first  Sunday  of  this  month  I  was  at  the  Dale. 
We  had  a  crowded  house ;  but  I  felt  such  liberty,  both  of  mind 
and  voice,  as  I  but  seldom  remember  to  have  had.  I  spoke 
near  an  hour  from  that  word,  "  They  shall  ask  their  way  to 
Zion,  with  their  faces  thitherward."  In  the  last  meeting  we 
had  great  liberty,  blessed  be  the  Lord !  On  Monday  night  I 
found  also  uncommon  freedom  at  our  home  meeting,  and  the 
congregation  was  very  large.  Tuesday's  class  was  also  good ; 
but  from  that  time  I  have  been  laid  up  with  pains  in  my  head, 
face,  and  all  over  me,  attended  with  a  slight  fever.  During  this 
season  I  have  been  led  to  consider  what  numerous  mercies  I 
am  surrounded  with  !  My  cup  runs  over.  Though  I  have  not 
that  near  access  to  my  Goo  I  long  for,  yet  I  do  feel  such  safety, 
such  confidence  in  his  love,  that  I  am,  in  the  midst  of  all,  ena- 
bled still  to  say  and  feel, 

"  One  only  care  my  soul  shall  snow. 
Father,  all  thy  commands  to  do." 

July  1. — Last  night  a  man  called,  whose  daughter  lies  in  this 
infectious  fever  which  has  carried  off  so  many.  He  said  she 
desired  to  see  Sally,  as  she  was  much  distressed  in  her  soul, 
and  it  was  too  far  off  for  me  to  go  there.  Sally  asked  me  what 
she  should  do?  Finding  her  own  mind  quite  free  to  it  as  the 
call  of  God,  I  felt  it  come  near,  for  she  is  my  greatest  conso- 
lation, next  to  God,  and  'useful  as  a  right  hand.^  I  looked  up, 
and  felt  the  power  of  these  words,  "  The  Kairs  of  your  head 
are  all  rumbered."  I  said  in  my  heart,  If  the  Lord  should  have 
appointed  to  take  her  from  me  by  this  mean,  shall  I  say  to  him, 
What  doest  thou  ?  No,  I  will  cling  to  that  word,  "  Thy  will 
be  done  on  earth  as  it  is  done  in  heaven."  It  was  suggested, 
you  lost  your  husband  by  a  putrid  fever ;  perhaps  Sally  may  be  <. 
taken  also  by  it.  But  shall  I  refuse  her  devoting  her  life  to  the 
glory  of  God  ?  Shall  I  hold  back  the  dearest  thing  I  have  upoa 


PART  V1I.J  MRS.   FLETCHER.  221 

earth  from  Jesus,  who  gave  himself  for  me  1  My  soul  cried 
out,  No,  my  Lord,  my  Saviour,  no !  I  offer  up  every  Isaac  to 
thy  will.  She  went  and  found  the  woman  under  a  concern  for 
her  soul.  All  consequences  I  leave  to  my  God. 

I  am  amazed  how  free  my  mind  is  from  care  !  Those  things 
which  used  to  burden  me,  are  now  as  nothing.  I  have  learned 
to  stand  still,  and  Jesus,  my  adorable  Saviour,  takes  care  of  all. 

August  14. — This  has  been  a  solemn  day.  And  is  it  indeed 
eight  years  since  my  dearest  husband  went  to  glory  1  What 
a  night  was  that  to  me  !  I  was  at  this  hour  waiting  at  his  bed 
side,  with  my  eyes  immovably  fixed  upon  his  dear,  calm,  peace- 
ful, dying  countenance.  I  have  this  day  gone  through  the 
scene ;  but  glory  be  to  God,  in  a  different  manner  than  when 
we  seemed  on  the  point  of  separation.  Yea,  already  parted, 
for  he  could  not  show  any  sensibility  toward  me.  But  this  day 
it  has  been  constantly  on  my  mind,  as  if  we  thought,  and  did 
all  together.  Yes,  thou  dear  spirit,  well  didst  thou  say  to  me 
in  that  dream,  "  I  am  not  dead,  I  live  !"  Yes,  thou  dost  live ; 
and  I  have  no  doubt  hast  helped  me  this  day  to  feel  an  uncom- 
mon peace,  such  as  I  sometimes  have  felt  when  dreaming,  and 
having,  in  a  peculiar  manner,  a  sense  of  the  presence  of 
heavenly  spirits.  There  are  seasons  w,hen  the  mind  joining 
itself  to  the  Lord,  and  abiding  in  that  posture,  feels  a  kind  of 
anticipation  of  the  blissful  union  enjoyed  in  the  realms  of  light, 
and  has  communion,  more  or  less  sensible,  with  the  spirits 
before  the  throne.  Some  faint  touches  of  this  I  have  felt  this 
day.  At  my  first  waking  in  the  morning,  my  soul  cried  to  the 
Lord,  that  it  might  be  'indeed  a  day  of  consecration  and  dedi- 
cation of  all  my  powers  to  that  God,  whose  I  am,  and  whom  I 
desire  perfectly  to  serve. 

December  21. — My  soul  has  for  some  days  been  in  a  pecu- 
liar exercise.  O  Lord,  keep  me  from  every  snare,  and  never 
let  me  be  drawn  into  any  thing  but  according  to  thy  will !  I 
wish  to  help  souls,  and  to  obey  thy  order ;  but  in  so  doing  it  is 
hard  to  avoid  many  things  disagreeable.  Lord,  give  me  a  fuller 
plunge  into  thyself,  that  my  conversation  may  be  always  in 
heaven !  And  the  desire  to  please,  or  fear  of  contempt,  remove 
far  from  me  U  O  for  a  single  eye  fixed  alone  on  God ! 

The  lump  in  my  breast  is  removed,  in  a  wonderful  manner, 
in  answer  to  prayeV !  I  could  not  find  freedom  to  use  any  of 
the  things  I  was  advised  to,  only  the  goose-grasd  juice,  a  quarter 
of  a  pint  twice  a  day.  After  some  months,  the  upper  lump 
became  less,  and  is  now  quite  gone,  as  far  as  I  can  perceive  ! 
nor  do  I  find  now  any  pain  in  either.  Glory  be  to  God ! 

May  7,*1794. — I  had  some  encouragement  in  prayer  last 

night  and  this  morning ;  and  I  was  led  to  plead  that  my  soul 

might  be  filled  with  the  Spirit,  that  my  tongue;  being  touched 

with  the  fire  of  heavenly  love,  might  be  enabled  to  plead  the 

19* 


222  THE  LIFE  OF  (PART  VII- 

cause  of  truth  in  a  different  manner  to  that  which  it  now 
doth. 

We  have  been  encouraged  in  seeing  some  souls  brought  in. 
G.  M.,  for  whom  we  have  long  waited,  sometimes  with  hope, 
sometimes  with  fear,  has  now  found  the  Lord  most  clearly.  O 
what  a  change  does  grace  make  !  She  is  indeed  a  new  crea- 
ture ;  and  her  mouth  is  open  in  his  praise  who  hath  brought 
her  out  of  darkness  into  his  marvellous  light. 

June  4. — What  answers  to  prayer  have  I  seen  of  late !  My 
gracious  Lord  seems  to  count  each  hair  indeed.  When  I  was 
at  the  Dale  again  last  Sunday  he  gave  such  a  liberty  in  speak- 
ing as  I  have  seldom  experienced.  The  congregation  was  very 
large.  As  I  entered  the  chapel,  the  heat  was  almost  ready  to 
beat  me  back.  When.  I  had  got  through  to  my  seat,  the  sun 
lay  on  it,  and  there  were  but  a  few  small  openings  to  admit 
air.  One  of  these  is  by  my  seat,  but  I  observed  no  air  come 
in  that  way.  It  appeared  as  if  my  voice  must  be  lost  with  the 
heat.  I  looked  to  the  Lord,  and  said,  My  Father,  turn  the  air 
this  way,  if  thou  seest  good !  The  time  being  come,  I  began 
giving  out  the  hymn,  and  forgot  my  prayer.  But  as  I  was  just 
ready  to  faint,  such  a  fine  breath  of  fresh  air  came  in  as  quite 
revived  me.  Then  I. recollected  what  I  had  asked.  The  next 
two  lines  which  I  had  to  give  out  were, 

"  For  our  Shepherd  and  King, 
Cares  much  for  his  sheep." 

-O  how  my  heart  went  with  the  words,  and  set  to  its  seal  that 
they  were  true !  Contrary  to  what  is  usual  with  me,  I  was  an 
hour  and  three  quarters.  My  strength  held  out  and  the  dear 
people,  though  violently  crowded,  stood  like  wax  work ;  and 
many  wished  the  service  had  been  longer. 

An  affair  which  perplexed  my  mind,  I  find  quite  removed  by 
prayer.  I  can  do  nothing  but  in  that  way.  O  my  Lord,  did 
ever  a  soul  feel  more  of  that  word,  Without  me  ye  can  do 
nothing  ?  But  I  wait  for  a  revelation  of  Jesus  Christ  hi  my 
soul  more  full  and  strong  than  I  ever  had. 

June  10. — While  I  was  this  morning  speaking  to  a  back- 
slider, I  had  such  a  sight  of  the  narrow  way,  as  greatly  ani- 
mated my  soul.  I  see  there  is  no  way  to  keep 'life  and  com- 
munion with  God,  but  by  strictly  adhering  to  the  words  of  St. 
Paul,  "  I  am  determined  to  know  nothing  among  you,  but  Jesus 
Christ,  and  him  crucified."  There  must  be  a  shutting  the  door 
of  the  soul  against  any  thing  else  ;  not  only  sin,  but  any  care 
or  meddling  with  what  we  are  not  called  to  attend  unto. 

August  1. — I  feel  my  health  decline.  This  very  hot  summer 
affects  me  exceedingly.  My  legs  swell  greatly,  unless  con. 
stantly  bound  with  many  yards  of  flannel.  I  am  very  weak, 
and  my  breath  very  short.  Yet  I  am  enabled  to  keep  all  mj 
meetings  both  abroad  and  at  home,  and  have  found  the  Lord 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  223 

much  with  me  all  the  summer  in  this  respect.  He  gives  roe 
out  strength  for  my  day.  Some  remarkable  providences  have 
happened  lately.  I  think  them  worth  preserving.  A  short 
time  since  a  man  and  his  wife,  who  lived  near  some  of  our 
good  brethren,  were  by  them  oft  invited  to  the  preaching  that 
has  been  lately  established  in  that  place ;  but  they  turned  it  off, 
saying,  they  had  something  better  to  do.  When  the  Bridge- 
north  races  came  on,  they  were  preparing  to  go.  R.  W.  then 
reminded  them  of  their  plea  against  hearing  the  word,  that 
"  They  must  mind  their  work,  and  had  something  better  to  do." 
But  the  man  said  they  were  determined  to  go,  and  have  two 
good  days  there.  In  the  first  day  he  got  so  heated  that  on  the 
second  he  came  home  in  a  fever,  and  died  the  day  following ! 
How  little  did  he  think,  when  setting  off  for  the  races,  that  he 
had  not  three  days  to  live  ! 

Another  awful  judgment  was  as  follows :  A  young  man  was 
working  with  brother  Williams  in  the  Forge.  He  swore  in  a 
dreadful  manner.  Williams  reproved  him,  urging  the  destruc- 
tion such  a  conduct  would  bring  upon  him.  He  turned  all  into 
ridicule, — saying  he  was  a  match  for  the  devil.  Presently  after, 
he  went  to  the  ale  house  and  got  drunk.  He  then  got  into  a 
wagon  which  was  going  his  way.  As  he  sat  on  the  side,  he 
fell  backwards,  and  was  taken  up  dead !  O,  the  little  day  of 
life,  how  eminently  precious ! 

August  14. — Nine  years  this  day  my  dear  love  has  been  in 
glory !  But  I  have  seen  much  of  mercy  in  this  time,  and  have 
learned  more  abundantly  to  trust  in  the  Lord.  All  convinces 
me,  in  a  deeper  and  deeper  manner,  of  that  truth,  All  my  ways 
are  in  his  hand,  and  he  directs  my  paths.  Though  my  dear 
husband  seems  as  dear  to  rne  as  ever,  yet  I  can  praise  the  Lord 
for  full  resignation.  Reflecting  the  other  day  on  the  manner  I 
was  affected  at  the  awful  season  of  his  death,*!  could  not  but 
see  in  it  cause  of  praise.  Though  his  life  or  death  was  the 
closest  thing  under  the  heaven  to  me,  yet  each  day  and  hour  of 
that  most  solemn  week,  I  could  never  once  ask  his  life,  without 
adding,  Thy  will,  thy  will  be  done .' 

August  22. — I  grow  very  poorly  in  body.  My  tabernacle 
seems  taking  down.  I  feel  an  almost  constant  fever,  with  great 
confusion  and  dizziness  in  my  head.  I  can  scarcely  do  any 
business ;  and  the  writing  a  letter  seems  to  affect  me  strangely. 
In  this  state  I  have  been  some  months,  so  that  the  least  exer- 
tion wearies  me,  and  gives  me  pain  all  over.  Yet  when  the 
hour  of  meeting,  whether  of  people  or  children,  comes,  I  am 
enabled  to.  get  through  the  duty,  and  sometimes  with  uncoro- 
'  mon  power !  Glory  be  to  God !  My  nights  also  are  very  rest- 
less, yet  I  get  some  sleep,  and  am  not  in  any  violent  pain.  Mj 
.Lord  does  all  things  well. 
'  September  12. — This  day,  if  my  dear  husband  had  lived,  bo 


224  THE  LIFE  Of  [PART  Vlf- 

would  have  been  sixty-five  years  old,  and  I  am  fifty-five.  I 
have  lived  more  than  half  a  century.  Lord,  to  what  purpose  ? 
1  know  the  Lord  is  still  graciously  working  in  my  soul.  I  feel 
a  more  constant  going  out  after  God.  My  spiritual  senses 
seem  more  awake,  and  yet  I  never  found  it  harder  to  pray 
when  on  my  knees !  The  resistance  of  principalities  and 
powers,  I  have  been  made  particularly  acquainted  with.  In- 
deed it  is  a  narrow  way.  With  regard  to  outward  things,  I 
see  nothing  but  mercy, — miracles  of  mercy  !  Every  thing 
appears  so  in  the  hand  of  God  as  I  cannot  express.  Even  the 
smallest  occurrence  on  my  affairs  seems  directed  of  God !  I 
wished,  or  rather  thought,  if  the  room  could  be  enlarged,  it 
would  be  a  blessing.  And,  now,  on  account  of  the  church 
being  taken  down,  the  wardens,  in  order  to  accommodate  the 
parish,  are  enlarging  it,  for  the  Sunday  service  to  be  there. 
By  this  means  the  meeting  will  be  enlarged  without  any  ex- 
pense to  me.* 

September  30. — I  found  this  morning,  while  at  prayer  with 
the  family,  and  with  the  work  people  who  were  taking  up  the 
potatoes,  that  the  Lord  was  present.  I  felt  him  so.  At  the 
t  ime  of  morning  prayer  in  private,  I  had  also  an  unusual  liber- 
ty. I  then  had  a  foreign  letter  to  write,  in  which  I  sensibly 
felt  the  help  of  my  gracious  Lord.  He  rendered  some  things 
easy  which  were  in  themselves  difficult.  O  Jesus,  thou  art 
made  unto  us  wisdom !  It  appears  to  me.  and  experience 
confirms  it,  that  it  is  peculiarly  pleasing  to  the  Lord,  that  we 
should  look  up  to  him  for  help  in  the  least  things  as  freely  as 
the  greatest.  He  who  numbers  every  hair,  will  lead  us  as  a 
child  is  led  by  its  mother,  and  carried  in  her  arms  over  every 
difficult  path. 

December  5. — My  soul  has  been  much  drawn  out  lately,  to 
ask  a  close  \iwlk  with  God  ;  more  brokenness  of  heart,  and  a 
clearer  sight  of  my  utter  helplessness.  I  have  found  this  week, 
that  several  souls  have  been  blest.  I  seem  the  only  dry  fleece. 
The  Lord  has  been  pleased  that  I  should  suffer  some  humilia- 
tions, which  always  do  me  good  ;  yet  he  is  much  with  me  in 
speaking  in  his  name.  This.morning,  as  we  were  rising,  Sally 
told  me  what  a  sweet  dream  she  had  in  the  night.  She 
thought  she  was  meeting  the  people,  and  while  at  prayer,  she 
was  so  overwhelmed  with  the  power  of  God,  and  had  such  a 
sense  of  the  Divine  Trinity  entering  into,  and  purifying  her 
soul,  that  she  said  in  her  heart,  This  is  the  baptism  of  the 
Spirit  which  hath  purified  my  heart  from  ail  sin  !  And  such 
a  light  shone  in  her  soul,  cs  seemed  to  bear  a  clear  witness 
thereto.  She  thought,  I  will  tell  the  people,  that  they  may 
glorify  God.  Immediately  it  was  suggested,  No,  stay  till  you 

*  Henry  the  Fourth,  of  France,  used  to  say  to  his  great  and  faithful  minister, 
"Sully,  iniBd  nay  business,  and  I  will  mind  yours." — ED. 


PART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  225 

have  got  through  the  trials  which  are  before  you.  She  an- 
swered, No  ;  I  will  glorify  him  now;  and  in  earnestly  pressing 
the  people  to  seek  the  same  liberty,  .she  awoke.  I  can  never 
enough  bless  and  praise  the  Lord  for  the  great  favour  he  hath 
done  me  in  this  dear  young  woman.  She  is  niece  to  my 
honoured  friend,  Mrs.  Ryan ;  and  truly  she  partakes  of  her 
spirit,  and  her  whole  soul  seems  to  be  engaged  in  the  work. 
This  has  been  a  day  of  recollection.  I  have  felt  my  want,  and 
followed  after  God ;  and,  I  think,  have  found  in  some  sense, 
each  thought  brought  into  subjection  unto  Christ. 

December  24. — Many  mercies  have  I  seen  of  late.  Some 
circumstances  01  expense  occurred,  and  immediately  some  in- 
crease of  necessitous  objects  followed.  I  felt  this  to  be  a 
weight.  When  Sally,  or  myself,  visited  the  poor,  and  beheld 
great  straits,  we  were  sometimes  constrained  to  withhold  help, 
because  my  calculation  would  not  allow  it,  though  I  had  cut 
off  what  expense  I  could,  according  to  my  best  light.  This  I 
therefore  laid  before  the  Lord,  and  felt  thoroughly  content, 
either  to  help  or  not,  as  should  be  most  for  his  glory.  In  a 
few  days  I  received  a  letter  from  my  brother  witli  a  proposal 
BO  to  dispose  of  a  part  of  my  money,  as  was  likely  to  raise  me 
several  additional  pounds  this  year.  One  called  also  and  pro- 
mised the  payment  of  five  guineas,  which  I  had  quite  given  up 
for  loss.  In  a  variety  of  little  incidents,  I  have  discerned  such 
a  guiding  hand  of  Providence  as  hourly  confirms  the  truth  of 
that  word,  "  The  hairs  of  your  head  are  all  numbered." 

April  7,  1795. — Glory  be  to  God !  He  hath  been  working 
on  some  souls  of  late ;  and  I  see  a  spirit  of  mighty  prayer 
poured  on  one  in  particular.  Yet  it  seems  as  if  Satan  was 
striving  to  bring  hinderances  among  us.  Some  things,  I  fear, 
will  cause  offence ;  in  particular  this  child,  whom  the  Lord 
hath  certainly  blest  in  a  wonderful  manner.  Lord,  keep  out. 
all  wrong  spirits,  I  beseech  thee !  I  know  the  wisdom  of 
men  cannot  comprehend  thy  work ;  but  let  no  real  enthusiasm 
enter !  Keep  us  steady  and  firm,  resting  only  on  the  sure 
foundation. 

Some  days  ago,  I  called  on  Mrs.  Yate.*  We  had  a  close 
and  comfortable  conversation.  She  told  me  she  had  for  some 
months  had  a  very  sweet  and  solid  rest ;  and  all  her  words  in 
the  class  had  expressed  the  same.  She  had  been  long  very 
poorly,  but  she  had  strove  to  bear  up  under  it  without  com- 
plaint. She  now  felt  her  strength  fail,  and  had  an  almost 
continual  pain  in  her  right  side.  Her  peace,  however,  con- 
tinued, and  she  could  leave  all  to  the  Lord.  She  farther 

*  Mrs.  Yale  was  daughter  of  the  late  Nathaniel  Gilbert,  Esq.,  speaker  of  the 
house  of  assembly  in  the  island  of  Antigua.  H«  was  .an  intimate  friend  of  Mr. 
Wesley,  and  the  first  preacher  of  the  Gospel  to  the  negroes  in  the  West  Indies, 
//«  endured  that  cross,  despising  the  shame. — ED. 


326  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  VII. 

observed, — That  she  had  for  some  time  found  such  a  full  sense 
of  the  all-sufficiency  of  God,  as  she  could  not  express.  Shortly 
after,  as  she  was  one  night  lying  awake,  she  felt  a  powerful 
application  of  that  word,  "Cast  thy  burden  on  the  Lord,  and 
he  will  sustain  thee."  In  a  day  or  two  more,  she  was  confined 
to  her  bed,  the  fever  strong,  the  pain  in  her  side  severe,  and 
oft  forced  to  rise  in  the  bed  to  breathe.  In  this  situation  she 
had  been  several  nights  ;  and  this  morning  she  has  been  con- 
firming to  me  what  she  had  already  observed, — That  the  Lord 
kept  her  every  moment.  I  have  (said  she)  never  found  a 
shadow  of  impatience.  I  can  neither  eat  nor  sleep,  but  1  have 
no  desire  for  either.  My  strength  goes  fast,  but  I  feel  myself 
perfectly  content  with  all  the  Lord's  dispensations.  I  used  to 
feel  great  fear  of  death,  but  I  have  not  any  of  it  now  ;  and  the 
thought  of  leaving  my  children,  whom  I  so  much  desire  to  bring 
up  for  the  Lord,  used  to  fill  me  with  much  pain.  But  I  feel 
Ftrangely  free,  and  can  with  confidence  put  them  in  the  Lord's 
hand,  and  leave  them  there  !  Her  words  were  to  me  refreshing 
and  animating.  •  I  can  bear  witness  what  a  pattern  of  tender 
conscience  and  meek  submission  she  has  been.  She  is  now 
better,  and  I  trust  will  be  spared  to  us  a  little  longer. 

May  22. — I  had  a  sweet  lesson  from  the  Lord  this  morning. 
I  was  inquiring  why  I  did  not  hold  the  blessing  of  sanctification 
more  steadily  ]  and  it  seemed  that  the  Lord  answered  me, — 
That  it  was  because  I  forgot  the  observation  I  have  so  often 
made  to  the  people,  of  the  rattlesnake  and  the  squirrel.  She 
looks  at  the  rattlesnake,  till  through  fear  she  drops  into  his 
mouth.*  So  when  my  soul  is  striving  to  abide  in  Jesus,  under 
eome  peculiar  trials,  a  temptation  to  discouragement  presents 
itself;  I  look  at  it  arid  grow  discouraged.  Instead  of  that,  I 
ought  "  to  reckon  myself  dead  unto  sin,  and  alive  unto  right- 
eousness." In  so  doing,  I  should  "resist  the  devil,  who  would 
noon  flee  from  me."  Also,  I  clearly  saw,  that  I  should  watch 
in  conversation,  and  never  contradict,  unless  for  conscience' 
sake ;  remembering  that  command,  "  Let  your  gentleness  be 
known  unto  all  men,"  as  carrying  that  consciousness,  "  The 
Lord  is  at  hand." 

June  24. — Glory  be  to  God !  I  have  experienced  many  very 
particular  answers  to  prayer  of  late.  For  some  time  past  I 
saw  it  the  call  of  God  that  I  should  go  out  every  Sunday  to  the 
Wood  and  the  Dale  alternately  for  a  time.  I  feared  the  heat 
of  the  houses,  but  the  Lord  took  care  for  that.  If  the  weather 
was  ever  so  hot  in  the  week,  it  was  always  cool  on  the  Sabbath. 
Blessed  be  the  Lord,  he  was  with  us  of  a  truth,  and  I  expe- 
rienced both  inward  and  outward  help  beyond  my  expectation. 

August  14.— Ten  years  this  day  I  have  been  a  widow.    Last 
night  I  found  liberty  in  pleading  with  the  Lord  for  the  fulfilment 
*  The  illustration  is  good,  whatever  becomes  of  the  fact— ED. 


PART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  227 

of  my  dear  love's  last  prayer,  "Head  of  the  church,  be  head  to 
my  wife ;"  and  this  day  I  have  been  renewing  my  covenant 
with  the  Lord,  to  be  wholly  at  his  disposal.  To  abandon  my 
whole  self,  body,  soul,  and  spirit,  with  every  concern  for  time 
and  eternity,  into  his  hand.  Often  I  have  done  this,  but  on  this 
day  I  peculiarly  love  to  renew  the  solemn  dedication.  J  have 
found  a  deeper  view  than  ever  into  the  sinfulness  of  sin, — I 
mean  what  an  aggravated  burden  my  sins  added  to  the  suffer- 
ings of  my  Redeemer !  Those  words,  "  Ye  are  not  your  own, 
ye  are  bought  with  a  price,"  were  impressed  on  my  mind. 
Then  I  thought  on  that  word  also,  "  They  to  whom  much  is 
forgiven,  shall  love  much :"  and  I  had  some  power  to  claim 
that  abundant  love  my  spirit  so  pants  after.  But  I  discerned 
so  many  blemishes  in  all  I  have  ever  done,  said,  or  thought, 
that  I  was  forced  to  look  to  my  great  Sacrifice.  There  I  could 
see  infinite  perfection.  "It  pleased  the  Father,  that  in  him 
should  all  fulness  dwell."  Casting  my  eyes  on  the  Bible  open 
before  me,  it  presented  the  cure  of  Naaman.  I  was  led  from 
that  to  consider,  how  easy  it  was  with  the  Lord  to  perform  as 
perfect  a  cure  on  my  soul  as  on  Naaman's  body  ! 

September  12. — Had  a  good  time  this  morning  in  prayer. 
Afterward  in  reading  the  account  of  Prudence  Wuliams,  (Ma- 
gazine, vol.  12,)  I  was  much  struck  to  think  how  the  power  of 
God  was  seen  in  her  great  salvation.  In  the  bloom  of  youth — 
a  good  husband,  whom  she  had  been  happy  with  for  one  year 
— a  fine  boy  likely  to  live — affectionate  relations — every  thing 
to  hold  her  here  ; — and  yet  with  what  noble  freedom  did  she 
leave  all,  preferring  her  heavenly  Beloved  to  every  earthly  joy ! 
It  brought  to  my  mind  a  word  given  me  the  other  day  in  prayer, 
The  glory  of  the  Lord  shall  arise  upon  them,  and  his  glory 
shall  be  seen  upon  them.  This  day  I  am  fifty-six.  O  Lord, 
how  little  of  thy  glory  has  been  yet  seen  upon  me  !  O,  let  my 
remaining  life  be  spent  to  thy  praise ! 

21. — We  began  the  Monday  meetings  again  this  mdrning, 
which  had  been  stopped  a  few  weeks  on  account  of  the  women 
being  in  the  harvest.  Blessed  be  God,  they  have  not  lost  as 
much  as  I  feared  they  would.  In  this  the  Lord  hath  heard 
prayer  indeed.  B.  T.  spoke  sweetly ;  her  words  animated  my 
soul.  And  B.  B.  observed  in  a  very  lively  manner,  what  a 
difference  she  found  between  this  and  former  harvests,  and 
plainly  described  the  fruit  of  the  new  creature.  She  was  as- 
tonished to  think  what  unthankfulness  she  used  to  feel.  But, 
said  she,  every  bit  I  picked  up  this  year,  seemed  so  to  come 
from  the  Lord  !  and  her  heart  overflowed  with  praise  and 
thanksgiving.  Poor  Jane  also  gave  good  proof  of  a  iiiighty 
change,  though  a  few  months  ago  an  open  sinner ! 

October  8. — The  Lord  has  been  in  a  very  particular  way 
showing  me  the  depth  of  iniquity  which  hath  been  in  all  my 


228  THE  LIFE   OF  [*»ART  VII. 

life.*  O,  what  a  scene !  the  heights  of  folly,  and  the  depths 
of  selfishness !  What  did  my  Jesus  bear  for  me  !  Yes,  he  hath 
borne  it  all.  He  hath  made  a  full  and  perfect  sacrifice  for  me ! 
I  can  come  to  him  as  my  full  atonement.  But  I  cannot  bring 
him  that  glory  I  would,  without  a  fuller  change.  I  seem  to 
have  a  hold  of  God  more  firm  and  steadfast,  and  a  great  ex- 
pectation from  his  mere  mercy.  He  hath  done  the  work  indeed 
for  me,  and  I  believe  he  will  do  it  in  me.  So  I  shall  become 
the  "little  child,  to  whom  it  is  the  Father's  good  pleasure  to 
give  the  kingdom." 

Last  night  our  tickets  were  renewed.  It  was  a  very  solemn 
time.  We  had  four  new  members.  Mr.  Baldwin  preached 
on — "Are  there  few  that  be. saved !"  He  showed  how  out  of  a 
company  of  professors,  few  might  be  truly  in  the  "  narrow 
way." — That  it  called  for  the  full  exertion  of  all  our  powers, 
that  we  may  "  enter  in  at  the  strait  gate."  I  found  it  a  very 
sweet  season.  Afterward  while  he  met  the  men's  class,  Mrs. 
Walter  and  I  had  a  comfortable  conversation  on  holiness ;  and 
as  I  was  speaking  to  her,  O,  how  did  I  see  all  depended  on 
having  the  mind  stayed  on  Jesus !  That  our  one  business  is, 
to  look  at  him,  our  complete  Saviour. 

Tuesday,  November  10. — I  awaked  this  morning  with  these 
words, 

"  To  keep  your  armour  bright, 
Attend  with  constant  care, 
For  ever  walking  in  his  sight, 
And  watching  unto  prayer." 

At  my  time  of  prayer,  I  found  a  cry  in  my  soul  that  I  might 
do  so.  When  pleading  for  the  people  and  the  work,  that  it 
might  be  carried  on  in  any  way  the  Lord  sees  good,  I  felt  my 
mind  divested  of  any  choice.  Some  slighting  things  had  been 
said  of  late' by  one,  with  whom  I  have  taken  much  pains,  as  if 
he  could  now  do  far  better  than  his  teachers  !  I  brought  this 
to  the  Lord ;  and  felt  my  soul  quite  willing  to  be  hid  and  cover- 
ed in  all  he  called  me  to,  or  blessed  me  in ;  and  my  heart 
sprang  with  joy  at  the  idea  of  his  Spirit  being  poured  out 
through  any  channel.  As  I  was  thus  hiding  myself  in  Jesus, 
and  enjoying  the  slighting  things  thrown  out,  on  what  I  think 
a  sweet  revival  which  we  have  had  of  late,  I  felt  what  I  know 
not  how  to  describe, — I  saw  myself  as  espoused  to  Jesus  my 
husband,  and  consequently  one  interest  with  him.  Before  I 

*  What  a  mystery,  is  this  unveiling  of  the  human  heart,  to  the  self-satisfied, 
s  !f-nghteous  world !  When  God  discovers  to  his  children  (for  to  none  else  can 
it  be  discovered,)  "by  his  holy  law  written  in  their  hearts,"  not  only  the  iniquity 
that  is  manifest  there,  but  all  that  their  hearts  are  "capable  of ;;:— this  is  a  scene 
indeed !  Let  those  to  whom  these  discoveries  are  made,  take  heed  that  !i  their 
faith  fail  not  The  blood  of  the  covenant,"  and  "the  great  and  precious  promises," 
will  fully  reach  their  case.  This  discovery  is  a  needful  preparation,  in  order  » 
lb«ir  being  "cleansed,  by  faith,  from  all  unrighteousness.-'— ED. 


*ART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  229 

was  aware,  I  cried  out,  If  thou  art  glorified,  I  am  glorified ! 
Struck  at  my  own  words,  I  stopped ;  when  it  came  to  me  with 
much  power,  "They  that  are  joined  to  the  Lord  are  one  spirit." 
It  also  followed,  they  that  partake  of  my  humiliations  shall  par- 
take of  my  glory.  O,  how  willing  did  my  spirit  feel  to  wait  for 
that  day ;  arid  such  a  sight  was  opened  before  me  of  the  great 
blessing  of  being  nothing  in  the  eyes  of  man,  as  I  can  better 
feel  than  write. 

Last  night  at  the  meeting  we  had  a  great  congregation,  and, 
blessed  be  God,  I  felt  liberty.  Two  more  notes  of  thanksgiving 
were  presented  for  spiritual  blessings  received.  When  I  came 
out,  a  person  desired  to  speak  with  me.  She  gave  me  a  bless- 
ed account  how  the  Lord  had  given  her  the  full  assurance  of 
peace  and  pardon  !  and  M.  D.,  who  came  in  with  her,  appears 
to  be  sinking  much  deeper  into  God.  Glory  be  to  his  holy 
name !  Many  of  late  are  thus  brought  in,  and  several  are 
either  seeking  the  great  blessing,  or  do  "  love  the  Lord  with 
all  their  heart." 

November  12. — A  solemn  sense  of  the  mercies  received  in 
these  last  fourteen  years,  has  deeply  sunk  into  my  soul.  How 
different  was  my  state  this  day  fourteen  years,  when  I  first 
became  a  wife  !  How  tossed  was  my  mind  with  a  thousand 
fears,  not  yet  fully  knowing  the  "  angel  of  the  church"  to  whom 
I  was  joined ;  and  also  encumbered  with  various  difficulties. 
But  now  this  night  there  is  not  one  clog  left !  What  a  mar- 
vellous change  ! — My  dear  love's  blessing  does  rest  upon  me  ! 
The  Head  of  the  church  is  indeed  my  head  ;  and  mercy  with 
overflowing  goodness  does  follow  me  all  the  day  long.  And 
with  respect  to  the  work.— O  my  God  !  Thou  didst  not  call  us 
to  have  children  according  to  the  flesh ;  but  what  an  accom- 
plishment do  I  see  of  those  words,  "Thy  sons  shall  come  from 
afar,  and  thy  daughters  shall  be  nursed  at  thy  side."  Yes,  I 
see  them  coming  on  every  hand, 

"  Better  than  daughters,  or  than  sons, 
Temples  divine  of  living  stones, 
Inscribed  with  Jesus'  name  !" 

According  to  my  usual  custom  on  my  wedding  day,  I  have 
been  renewing  my  covenant  to  be  all  the  Lord's ;  and  beseech- 
ing him  to  possess  every  thought,  and  to  reveal  himself  more 
abundantly  to  my  soul.  May  I  from«this  moment  be  all  activity 
in  following  hard  after  God !  I  am  filled  with  blessings ;  O 
that  I  may  be  filled  with  the  spirit  of  praise  ! 

Monday,  December  21. — Yesterday  was  a  fatiguing  day  to 
the  flesh,  but  I  trust  the  Lord  was  glorified  amo;ig  us.  In  the 
morning  I  awoke  about  two,  and  being  afraid  to  lose  the  early 
opportunities,  I  could  hardly  sleep  afterward.  Between  four 
and  five  I  rose,  but  was  so  poprly,  I  could  but  think,  and  offer 
up  my  soul  in  prayer.  At  the  nine  o'clock  meeting  I  found  the 
20 


230  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  vie 

Lord  was  with  us.  At  half  after  ten,  (as  Mr.  Walter  was  from 
home,)  1  had  to  meet  the  congregation.  For  an  hour  and  three 
quarters  I  felt  much  freedom,  and  some  life  in  speaking,  sing- 
ing, and  prayer.  In  the  other  meeting,  (when  Sally  had  taken 
that  of  the  two  o'clock,  in  which  she  had  a  great  company  and 
much  of  the  power  of  God,)  I  spoke  to  about  twenty  young 
beginners ;  and,  blessed  be  the  Lord,  they  come  forward.  A 
company  at  tea,  and  a  private  meeting  in  the  evening,  seemed 
to  break  me  down.  Between  six  and  seven  I  retired,  and  for 
an  hour  and  a  half  my  soul  was  refreshed  by  being  enabled  to 
look,  by  faith,  to  my  adorable  Surety  now  "at  the  right  hand 
of  the  Majesty  on  high,"  fully  set  free  from  all  my  sins  where- 
with he  had  charged  himself.  I  saw  him  "  delivered  to  death 
for  my  transgressions,  and  raised  again  for  my  justification." 
I  had  a  sweet  view  how  the  believer,  though  weak  and  feeble, 
continued  thus  free.  The  Saviour  "bears  the  iniquity  of  our 
holy  things."  How  true,  how  sweet  is  that  word,  "  If  thou 
canst  believe,  all  things  axe  possible !"  Yes,  he  hath  said, 
"  He  that  cometh  unto  me,  I  will  in  no  wise  cast  out."  My 
soul  rested  on  his  satisfaction  with  peaceful  enjoyment,  and  I 
fed  on  those  words  of  the  prophet,  "And  he  shall  build  the 
temple  of  the  Lord."  Yes,  I  depend  on  thee,  "my  Priest,  my 
Atonement,  my  Intercessor,"  I  depend  on  thee  alone  to  make 
my  soul  and  body  "the  living  temple  of  the  Holy  Ghost." 

January  4,  1796. — This  year  has  begun  with  a  solemn  sense 
of  eternity  on  my  soul.  On  the  first  day  we  had  the  covenant 
with  peculiar  solemnity,  and  many  were  blessed.  On  the  third 
Mr.  Walter  preached  in  my  room,  on  Cut  it  down,  tffhy  cum- 
bereth  it  the  ground.  It  was  a  precious  time. 

January  5. — This  day  I  have  been  fourteen  years  in  Madeley. 
It  seems  but  as  yesterday.  What  crucifying  scenes  have  I 
passed  through !  Yet  not  one  too  much.  No,  nay  adorable 
Lord,  Thou  hast  done  all  things  well ! 

April  27. — Reading  a  little  diary  of  dear  Mrs.  Yate,  has  been 
as  marrow  and  fatness  to  my  soul.  It  searched  me  deeply.  O  . 
how  much  earnest  agonizing  do  I  discern  in  her  soul !  And 
yet  she  is  ever  complaining  of  sloth.  O  my  Lordrwhat  am  I? 
Yet  I  feel  the  Lord  does  keep  me  mere  steadily,  looking  to  him- 
self. But  I  do  not  get  into  the  full .  est  I  want,  every  moment 
feeling  an  all-sufficient  G#d. 

Tuesday,  May  llth. — These  words  were  powerful,— -They 
that  wait  en  the  Lord  shall  renew  their  strength.  But  I  did 
not  continue  on  my  diligent  watch.  Some  useless  thoughts 
crept  in  ;  and  though  I  have  been  striving  most  of  the  day,  I 
seem  as  if  I  could  not  feel  as  I  did  yesterday.  O  Lord,  heal 
me !  Thou  knowest  my  unfaithfulness,  and  thou  alone  canst 
make  me  what  thou  wouldst  have  me  to  be.  A  circumstance 
>ccurred  yesterday  which  I  found  good.  One  who  came  to  me 


VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  231 

told  me  some  things  that  had  been  said,  which  to  nature  would 
be  grating,  and  once  would  have  been  a  great  trial.  But  I 
found  power  to  embrace  the  humiliation,  and  could  share  with 
joy  his  lot  who  was  "counted  a  worm,  and  no  man,  the  scorn 
of  men,  and  the  reproach  of  the  people." 

Considering  my  various  complaints,  I  see  death  not  far  off, 
and  it  seems  iny  business,  and  one  concern,  to  bend  all  my 
thoughts  that  way.  O,  to  awake  up  after  his  likeness !  Lord, 
get  thyself  glory  on  rne  !  I  pant  to  be  all  Ifte  thee  ! 

June  10. — Last  night  for  some  hours  I  could  not  sleep,  having 
much  fever.  But  I  found  it  a  good  time  of  pleading  with  the 
Lord,  that  he  would  glorify  himself  on  me.  I  pleaded  that 
blessed  word,  "  They  who  have  much  forgiven  shall  love  much." 

December  31. — Another  year  is  almost  at  an  end.  How  is 
my  soul  7  Lord,  what  have  I  gained  this  year  1  I  feel  more 
liberty  in  prayer,  more  hunger  and  thirst  after  God ;  yet  only 
in  a  small  advance  to  what  I  would  be.  I  feel  an  unspeakable 
nearness  to  eternity,  and  a  deep  sense  of  its  importance.  O 
that  I  may  live  to  God  as  I  have  never  yet  done !  This  morn- 
ing pleading  that  word,  Whatsoever  ye  ask  in  my  name,  I 
will  do  it,  I  felt  my  confidence  increase,  and  can  firmly  rely 
on  the  word  of  the  Lord.  I  did,  and  do  now,  ask  such  a  state 
of  soul  as  will  most  glorify  my  Lord.  I  ask  to  dwell  in  love. 
It  appears  to  me  there  can  be  no  witness  equal  to  this.  When 
I  dwell,  constantly  dwell,  in  the  element  of  love,  there  can  be 
no  room  for  a  doubt.  But  my  hinderance  from  entering  fully 
into  this  state,  is  the  want  of  looking  every  moment  to  Jesus. 
I  am  sensible  I  should  glow  fast  if  I  unremittingly  kept  my  eye 
iked  on  him.  But  since  I  have  more  ardently  desired  this,  it 
seems  as  if  all  hell  opposed  it,*  and  as  it  were  forced  away 
ray  mind,  or  brought  black. clouds  between  me  and  my  views 
of  heaven.  Yet  will  I  persevere  ;  yea,  I  will  hang  upon  thy 
word,  believing  the  cloudless  day  shall  come. 

January  4,  1797. — Much  comfort  I  have  had  in  meeting  the 
Tuesday  class  in  the  morning.  They  almost,  every  one  seem 
to  have  renewed  their  vigour  with  the  new  year.  O,  how  did 
they  praise  God,  saying,  they  had  never  known  such  a  Christ- 
mas !  Several  of  these  were,  a  few  months  since,  6trong_in 
the  devil's  service.  They  are  now  rejoicing  in  the  Lord  ! 
poor  C.  D. — nothing  could  comfort  him.  He  seemed  loc 
up  in  dark  despair,  till  at  the  covenant  on  Sunday  night 
Lord  set  him  at  liberty.  On  Tuesday  night  while  lie 
speaking,  how  did  my  heart  leap  for  joy  !  O,  what  an  ans 
to  prayer !  On  Wednesday  morning  the  meeting  was 
very  lively,  and  several  seem  to  have  begun  the  new  year  in 

*  The  devil  knows  it  is  the  very  thing  that  will  overcome  him.  It  is  this  alone 
that  will  deliver  us  from  that  worldly  spirit,  which  is  the  element  ic  which  he 
$-orks.  Every  thing  is  little  compared  to  this  faith. — ED. 


232  THE   LIFE  OF  [FART  VII, 

the  most  solemn  spirit  of  prayer.  How  many  of  these  likewise 
were  a  few  months  ago  dark  sinners !  ,O  Lord,  we  hope  to 
see  more  and  more  of  thy  power  among  us. 

March  20. — "  Gracious  is  the  Lord,  and  merciful."  O,  how 
much  of  his  faithfulness  have  I  seen  of  late  !  More  and  more 
do  I  discover  how  he  orders  all  for  us.  Some  affairs  of  late 
have  threatened  distress  to  the  nation,  and  loss  to  me.  But 
the  tender  care  and  wise  disposal  of  the  Lord  was  so»set  before 
me,  that  I  was  enabled  to  praise  him  as  I  could  not  have  done 
had  not  these  things  occurred.  And  he  made  me  to  know  in 
the  end,  that  he  does  indeed  make  a  hedge  about  me,  and  all 
concerning  me.  O,  what  a  treasure  do  I  see  in  those  words — 
"  I  will  be  your  God,  and  you  shall  be  my  sons  and  daughters,, 
saith  the  Lord  Almighty !" 

April  1. — For  some  days  my  soul  has  been  keenly  tried  by 
an  accusation  of  the  enemy,  on  account  of  a  former  transaction 
in  which  it  was  represented  I  had  injured  my  neighbour.  I 
cried  to  the  Lord  to  make  it  plain  if  it  were  so,  for  he  knew  it 
would  be  the  very  joy  of  my  heart  to  make  amends.  Yet  I  had 
reason  to  think  it  was  a  snare  of  Satan,  because  when  my  soul 
was  most  drawn  put  in  prayer,  it  came  as  a  fiery  dart  that  I 
must  first  inquire  into,,  and  set  that  matter  right,  before  I  could 
expect  a  blessing, — though  it  was  not  possible  at  that  time  to 
do  any  thing.  And  so  it  proved.  But  it  seemed  whenever 
the  accusation  came,  immediately  some  word  of  the  Lord,  or 
some  plain  answer,  presentsd  itself  to  my  mind.  During  this 
trial,  which  was  very  painful,  O  what  a  view  I  had  of  my  state 
by  nature  !  What  depths  of  pride,  folly,  and  all  kinds  of  evil, 
were  apparent  from  my  infancy.  I  cannot  express  what  I  saw 
and  felt ;  but  I  carried  it  all  to  the  Lord,  and  every  view  as  it 
came  before  me,  seemed  to  have  the  effect  of  driving  me  more 
to  the  bosom  of  my  God. 

April  8. — After  the  trial  already  mentioned,  I  have  found  a 
stronger  faith,  and  more  firm  reliance  on  the  Lord  Jesus ;  and 
one  day  reading  that  passage  in  Job  xxii,  which  has  so  often 
been  applied  with  power  to  my  heart,  I  felt  it  more  than  ever 
so ;  and  looking  to  some  of  the  marginal  references  in  the  great 
Bible,  a  sweet  light  shone  into  my  soul.  Meditating  on  that 
,  "  Then  shall  thou  have  thy  delight  in  the  Almighty, 
shalt  lift  up  thy  face  unto  God,"  I  turned  to  the  refer- 
s,  Job  xi,  15,  "  For  then  shalt  thou  lift  up  thy  face  without 
';  yea,  thou  shalt  be  steadfast,  and  shalt  not  fear ;  because 
u  shalt  forget  thy  misery,  and  remember  it  as  waters  that 
',8  away.  And  thine  age  shall  be  clearer  than  the  noon  day. 
Thou  shalt  shine  forth,  thou  shalt  be  as  the  morning ;  and  thou 
shalt  be  secure,  because  there  is  hope.  Yea,  thou  shalt  dig 
about  thee,  and  thou  shalt  take  thy  rest  in  safety.  Also  thoo 
shalt  lie  down,  and  none  shall  make  thee  afraid.  Yea,  manjf 


PART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  233 

shall  make  suit  unto  thee."  In  how  many  particulars  is  this 
already  accomplished !  But  that  word,  "Thine  age  shall  be 
clearer  than  noon  day,"  in  the  margin,  shall  arise  above  the 
noon,  was  powerfully  applied ;  which  gave  me  to  discern  a 
prospect,  that  my  old  age  shall  be  favoured  with  a  far  closer 
communion  than  my  noon  was.  O  my  Lord,  I  see  the  dawn, 
but  I  wait  for  the  Sun  of  righteousness  fully  to  arise  on  my 
soul. 

April  18. — Mrs.  Walter's  death  has  beeivmuch  blessed  to 
me.  Had  I  such  sufferings  to  go  through,  O  my  God  !  I  could 
not  bring  glory  to  thy  cause  by  patience  as  she  did,  unless 
thou  gavest  me  a  fuller  change.  From  the  first  of  her  coming 
to  Madeley,  I  observed  in  her  an  earnest  upright  desire  of  living 
to  God.  As  soon  as  she  knew  of  our  private  meetings,  she 
inquired  into  the  nature  of  them,  and  begged  to  be  admitted  as 
a  member ;  ever  showing  by  her  whole  carriage,  that  the  lan- 
guage of  her  heart  was; 

"  Number'd  with  them  may  I  be 
Here,  and  in  eternity." 

She  had  experienced  the -pardoning  love  of  God  before  she 
came  into  Shropshire  in  a  very  clear  manner,  and  often  felt  a 
wish  her  lot  might  be  cast  among  some  people  who  walked 
closer  with  God  than  any  she  had  yet  seen.  And  when  her 
husband  became  curate  of  this  parish,  she  felt  a  strong  impres- 
sion that  her  prayer  was  about  to  be  answered.  She  loved  her 
children  tenderly,  and  was  exemplary  in  her  care  both  of  them 
and  of  her  household.  She  had  many  conflicts  with  the  evil 
of  her  heart,  yet  often  telling  me  what  sweet  returns  she  felt 
in  private  prayer  :  in  the  practice  of  which  duty  she  was  truly 
vigilant.  She  longed  for  the  day  when  she  should  find  those 
words  verified  in  her  soul, 

"  No  anger  mayst  thou  ever  find, 
No  pride  in  my  unruffled  mind, 
But  love,  and  heaven-born  peace  be  there." 

For  some  weeks,  when  near  the  hour  of  nature's  sorrow,  she 
was  most  sweetly  carried  on,  often  declaring  she  could  feel  no 
fear,  for  the  Lord  poured  in  his  precious  promises,  and  so  filled 
her  with  his  consolations  as  to  keep  her  mind  in  perfect  peace  ; 
assured  from  his  own  mouth,  He  would  make  all  her  bed  in 
her  sickness. 

On  Saturday,  March  the  4th,  she  was  seized  with  a  violent 
shivering.  Then  the  enemy  came  in  as  a  flood,  with  that 
thought,  That  she  must  die  and  leave  her  dear  children.  This 
conflict  was  severe  ;  but  she  was  enabled  as  a  true  daughter  of 
Abraham,  to  overcome.  From  this  season  her  will  appeared 
to  be  entirely  lost  in  that  of  God.  The  next  day  she  was  deli- 
vered of  a  child,  which  died  the  same  night ;  and  soon  after 
she  proved  to  be  in  a  strong  fever.  Her  sufferings  were  great 
20* 


234  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VII. 

and  long,  as  she  lived  to  the  twenty-first  day  after  her  seizure. 
But  she  was  a  pattern  of  patience  and  thankfulness.  What 
adds  to  both  her  and  our  trial  was,  the  inflammation  lay  so  on 
her  lungs,  that  we  could  scarce  understand  any  thing  she  said. 
But  in  this  trial  also  she  showed  no  impatience  ;  and  when  a 
blister  was  brought  for  her  back,  (by  which  she  had  formerly 
suffered  much,)  she  looked  on  it  some  moments,  and  said,  My 
dear  Saviour  gave  his  back  to  the  smiters,  and  so  will  I.  She 
constantly  declared  the  Lord  was  with  her;  and  one  day,  when 
my  Sally  reminded  her  of  that  promise,  that  "  the  Lord  would 
make  all  her  bed  in  her  sickness,"  she  answered,  "  He  doth ! 
He  doth  !"  On  the  Tuesday  she  told  me  with  tears  of  love 
and  praise,  how  very  sweet  those  words  had  been  to  her, 

i:  All  thine  afflictions  my  glory  shall  raise, 
And  the  dseper  thy  sorrows,  the  louder  thy  praise !" 

Twice  she  had  a  sweet  view  of  the  invisible  world,  and  the 
attendance  of  many  of  the  heavenly  hosts.  Of  this  she  would 
no  doubt  have  told  us  much,  but  we  could  understand  but  little 
of  her  speech.  One  time  as  she  was  saying,  "  Hard  work, 
hard  work,"  Mrs.  Purton  (who  was  almost  constantly  with 
her)  said,  "  What  is  hard  work  V  She  replied,  "  To  leave 
the  dear  children.  But  the  Lord  says,  Leave  thy  children  to 
me,  I  will  preserve  them !"  Inquiring  one  day  how  she  found 
her  mind,  her  answer  was,  "  I  have  no  will ;  it  seems  all  lost 
in  God.  If  he  were  to  give  me  my  choice,  I  do  not  know 
whether  to  choose  life  or  death.  But  if  the  Lord  should  raise 
me,  I  am  determined  to  live  more  to  God  than  ever,  and  above 
all,  to  be  more  faithful  in  private  prayer."  The  last  night  Mrs. 
Yate  said,  Is  your  mind  as  calm  as  ever?  she  replied,  "  Quite 
so."  And  is  Jesus  as  preciously  present  as  he  hath  been  all 
along?  Her  answer  w.as,  "More  so  than  ever."  On  Friday, 
March  24,  1797,  she  appeared  to  be  just  going  about  eleven 
o'clock ;  breathing  very  hard,  as  she  had  done  some  hours. 
We  went  to  prayer,  and  found  the  Lord  very  present ;  after 
which,  as  I  was  looking  on  her.  I  repeated, 

"  A  convoy  attends— 
A  ministering  ho«t  of  invisible  friends  f 
Ready  wing'd  for  die  flight, 
To  the  regions  of  light, — 
The  horses  arc  come, 
The  chariot  of  Israel  to  carry  theehome !" 

And  in  a  few  moments  her  happy  spirit  left  this  vale  of  teare, 
to  mingle  with  the  blaze  of  day !  She  was  in  her  thirty-third 
year.  Her  disorder  was-  such  as  called  for  a  very  uncommon 
degree  of  attention  and  care.  And  O,  how  did  we  see  the  faith- 
fulness of  God !  Such  friends  were  raised,  and  such  help* 
given  in  the  hour  of  need,  as  made  us  say  in  truth,  He  counts 
our  e*erv  hair !  My  Sally  was  enabled  to  be  a  great  comfort 


FART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  237 

to  her,  and  oft  did  she  express  it.  One  day  looking  earnestr- 
on  me,  she  said,  "  I  have  a  deal  to  tell  you,  but  I  cannot  speak 
it."  When  we  meet  above,  she  will  perhaps  tell  me  of  some 
glorious  views,  and  divine  consolations,  wherewith  she  was 
favoured,  though  she  could  not  utter  them  here. 

June  8. — My  faith  seems  increasing.  I  have  clearer  views 
of  the  fulness  of  the  Saviour,  and  of  the  unbounded  privilege 
of  believing.  Many  have  observed,  "  You  have  what  you 
believe  for,  and  some  have  made  bad  use  of  that  privilege,  not 
understanding  what  it  is  truly  to  believe."  But  it  is  still  a 
great  truth,  "  Whatsoever  ye  ask  in  prayer,  believing,  you 
receive.  God  speaks  of  the  things  that  are  not,  as  though  they 
were."  So  does  faith.  It  sees  the  blessing  of  sanctification, 
and  takes  hold  of  the  promise,  and  cries,  Through  Christ  it 
is  mine !  I  am  not  in  full  possession ;  yet,  like  a  man  that 
has  an  estate  left  him,  he  claims  it  as  his  own ;  and  though 
opposed,  struggles  to  get  into  the  possession,  and  does  not  quit 
his  claim,  though  often  repulsed  by  him  who  unlawfully  pretends 
to  the  right.  The  believing  soul  says,  It  is  the  will  of  God  that  I 
should  feel  evil  no  more, — that  is,  I  should  no  more  let  it  in,  how- 
ever tempted.  It  is  his  will  I  should  always  conquer.  My  Lord 
tells  me  in  his  word,  "  This  is  the  victory  by  which  we  overcome, 
even  our  faith."  I  must  therefore  use  my  weak  faith,  that  it  may 
grow  stronger,  which  it  certainly  does  by  use.  I  must  hold  fast 
that  strong  rock.  First,  "  Jesus  hath  borne  all  my  sins  in  his  own 
body  on  the  tree  ;"  therefore  they  are  atoned  for,  and  the  atone- 
ment is  mine  by  believing.  Secondly,  "  Christ  is  made  unto 
me  of  the  Father,  sanctification."  He  hath  by  his  one  offering 
perfected  the  whole  work  needful  for  the  purification  of  the 
heart,  and  this  is  mine  also  by  believing.  He  hath  received 
the  Holy  Spirit  to  pour  it  out  on  his  church, — therefore  it  is 
mine,  as  far  as  I  can  believe,  and  so  unite  my  soul  by  faith  to 
God.  Abiding  in  him,  I  am  so  far  sanctified  ;  and  by  the  exer- 
cise of  this  hope,  the  soul  is  said  (by  St.  John)  to  purify  itself 
even  as  God  is  pure.  Not  in  degree,  but  in  becoming  of  one 
nature.  The 'light  of  the  candle  is  fire,  as  really  as  the  sun. 
So  it  may  be  said,  that  little  flame  is  as  tho  sun :  both  are  of 
one  nature.  The  promise  of  the  baptism  of  the  Spirit  is  *o 
•  me.  I  claim  it.  Yea,  and  my  dear  Lord  hath  told  me,  "  Thou 
shalt  walk  with  me  in  white.  I  will  thoroughly  purge  away 
thy  dross,  and  take  away  all  thy  tin."  I  believe  it  is  his  will 
to  do  it  this  moment,  but  the  way  he  hath  appointed  is  faith ; 
that  is  the  appointed  channel.  "  By  grace  are  ye  saved  through 
faith."  Now  as  far  as  faith  can  lay  hold,  I  have  it,  and  no 
farther.  This  is  "  the  secret  of  the  Lord,  wliich  is  with  those 
that  fear  him."  They  turn  to  Jesus,  and  find  all  in  him.  It  ig 
impossible  to  stand  one  moment  in  any  state,  but  by  union 
with  the  Saviour, — as  the  Lord  says  by  Isaiah,  "  Without  me 


236  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V«» 

ye  shall  bow  down  among  the.  prisoners."    And  the  Saviour, 
"  Without  me  ye  can  do  nothing." 

As  I  was  at  prayer  this  morning  my  spirit  was  dissipated, 
and  could  not  get  near  to  the  Lord.*  While  I  waited  before 
him,  I  felt  those  words  applied,  "  To  be  spiritually  minded  is 
life  and  peace."  I  discerned  such  a  light  in  the  words  as  I 
never  did  before.  One  of  my  greatest  conflicts  has  been  with 
idle  thoughts  about  doing  that  good  which  is  not  in  my  power. 
I  remember  an  observation  greatly  blest  to  me  on  this  head,  by 
a  good  man  now  in  eternity ;  "  Thoughts  are  of  two  kinds — 
either  the  reptile  or  the  winged  kind.  Either  they  crawl  on 
earth,  as  the  reptile,  or  rise  to  heaven  as  on  wings."  Thie 
idea  has  been  often  blest  to  me.  But  this  morning  I  had  such 
a  clear  view  into  the  blessing  of  keeping  the  mind  occupied  on 
spiritual  things  as  encouraged  me  much.  I  now  feel  the  power 
of  it;  to  be  spiritually  minded  is  life  and  peace. 

November  6. — Blessed  be  the  Lord,  I  feel  him  at  work  in 
my  soul.  He  hath  brought  me  into  a  narrow  path ;  and  I  find 
his  faithful  Spirit  reproves  me  many  times  a  day.  O  the  need 
I  feel  of  watchfulness !  I  have  prayed  many  times  for  a,tender 
conscience,  quick  as  the  apple  of  an  eye,  and  in  a  measure  I 
feel  it  so.  But  I  want  so  to  put  on  the  Lord  Jesus,  that  my 
God  "  may  look  and  love  his  image  there."  I  feel  a  sweet  love 
to,  and  rest  in,  the  will  of  God,  even  in  those  things  which 
come  nearest  to  my  heart.  But  there  is  a  close  communion — 
an  intercourse  which  I  have  not :  Lord,  take  away  whatever 
stands  between ! 

An  observation  of  a  spiritual  writer  was  last  night  very  profit- 
able to  me.  He  says,  "  The  soul  who  would  come  to  the  Lord, 
and  be  filled  with  the  Holy  Ghost,  must  begin  by  believing  in 
Christ  as  Mediator.  But  he  must  force  himself  to  that  which 
is  good,  however  his  heart  may  be  set  against  it.  He  should 
force  himself  to  take  insults  and  humiliations  for  the  Lord's 
sake  as  with  joy  ;  and  to  exert  a  liberty  in  prayer,  speaking  to 
the  Lord  as  if  he  had  it.  Above  all,  let  him  force  himself  to 
an  assurance  of  the  favour  of  God  :f  and  shortly  the  Spirit  of 
God  will  come  upon  him,  and  enable  him  to  do  all  those  things 
freely,  from  a  pure  nature  within,  which  now  he  does  by  force. 
But  never  let  him  quit  his  hope,  for  th'en  sin  gains  ground.  But  • 
while  a  man  retains  his  hope  in  God,  sin  dies  away."  I  felt  a 
sweet  power  all  the  time  of  my  reading ;  and  that  word,  That 
we  should  "  force  ourselves  to  assurance  in  God'fe  love,"  was 
life  to  my  soul.  It  is  always  a  blessing  to  me  when  I  resist 
discouragements  to  faith. 

*  How  little  the  most  edifying  reasonings  avail  when  faith  is  not  in  exercise. 
—ED. 

t  That  is,  he  should  resolutely  believe,  that  the  general  declarations  of  good 
•will  wade  by  the  Lord  to  the  human  race,  belong  to  him. — ED. 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  237 

December  19.— This  is  the  day  set  apartfor  a  national  thank*. 

S'ving,  on  account  of  the  victory  gained  at  sea  over  our  enemies, 
lessed  be  the  Lord,  he  hath  hitherto  preserved  us.  But  clouds 
yet  hang  over  our  heads.  Lord,  teach  our  senators  wisdom!  Blees 
our  good  king,  and  gi'ide  him  in  every  thing,  that  he  may  take 
such  measures  as  shall  tend  to  unite  the  hearts  of  his  subjects ! 
We  have  had  several  deaths  lately  round  about  us.  Some 
of  them  our  own  people.  That  blessed  woman,  Mary  Barnard, 
is  one.  She  died  very  happy,  declaring  to  the  last  that  the 
covenant  was  signed  and  sealed  with  the  Lord,  and  she  was 
his  by  a  marriage  bond.  She  set  to  her  seal,  that  "  the  Hood 
of  Jesus  Christ  had  cleansed  her  from  all  sin."  She  had  known 
the  pure  love  of  God  many  years.  Another  was  our  neighbour 
W.  Weston,  who  endured  a  Jong  and  heavy  affliction  with 
much  patience.  Sally  often  visited  him,  it  being  too  far  for 
me.  The  night  before  he  died,  she  was  with  him :  on  her 
return  she  gave  me  the  following  account, — "My  soul  did 
praise  the  Lord  to  hear  him  declare  the  love  of  Jesus,  saying, 
*  O,  he  is  precious  to  my  soul! '  On  my  asking  him,  Hath  the 
Lord  often  visited  you  since  I  was  with  you  last  ]  He  answered, 
'  Yes,  many,  many  times.  God  hath  heard  prayer  for  me  in- 
deed, and  now  I  long  to  die.'  •  We  seemed  to  enjoy  a  little 
heaven  together,  while  conversing  of  many  of  our  dear  friends 
now  in  glory,  ready  to  welcome  him  there.  I  reminded  him 
of  the  observation  which  my  dear  master  made  in  one  of  his 
letters  from  abroad, — That  perhaps  he  might  (if  he  should  not 
live  to  return  to  England,)  be  permitted  to  accompany  the 
ministering  angels,  who  should  be  sent  to  convey  the  spirits  of 
his  dear  parishioners  into  glory  !  He  seemed  to  delight  in  the 
thought!  I  observed,  You  are  going  now,  and  I  trust  by  the 
grace  of  God,  I  shall  be  enabled  to  fight  my  passage  through, 
and  then  shall  we  meet  on  Sion's  happy  shore,  there  to  praise 
our  dear  Lord  together.  Smiling  he  answered,  '  We  shall, 
we  shall.'  I  read  those  two  hymns, — '  Come  let  us  join  our 
friends  above,  who  have  obtained  the  prize,'  And,  '  How  happy 
every  child  of  grace,  who  k'nows  his  sins  forgiven.'  After  con- 
versing some  time,  I  repeated  those  lines, 

For  you  is  prepared  the  angelic  guard, 
A  convoy  attends — 

A  ministering  host  of  invisible  friends! 
Ready  wing'd  for  their  flight 
To  the  regions  oflight, 
The  horses  are  cotxe 

The  chariot  of  Israel  to  carry  you  Iiome.' 

He  stretched  out  both  his  arms,  looking  upward,  as  with  eager 
desire,  and  cried  out,  '  O,  I  am  longing  for  that  convoy  to  come 
for  me !'     I  took  my  leave  of  him,  saying,  I  shall  see  you  no 
more  here ;  but  it  will  not  be  Jong  before  we  meet  above.    And,  I 
I  pray  the  Lord  may  be  with  you  in  the  dark  valley,  dnd  sweetly 


238  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  VII. 

support  you  with  his  presence.  He  caught  hold  of  my  hand, 
and  said,  '  Farewell !  God  bless  you  for  ever,  and  dear  Mrs. 
Fletcher.  Tell  her  I  thank  her  for  all  her  kindness  to  me  ;  but 
above  all,  for  the  prayers  she  hath  offered  for  me.  They  have 
done  me  much  good,  more  good  than  my  own.  May  God 
bless  her  and  bless  you  both  for  ever !"  Some  others  also  the 
Lord  hath  taken  to  his  bosom,  and  among  them,  one  out  of  my 
own  little  household.  Poor  dear  Martha  Clark,  who  had  lived 
with  me  eight  years,  being  ill,  left  me  last  August,  to  try  if 
her  native  air  would  restore  her.  One  letter  I  received  from 
her.  In  it,  she  said,  her  mind  was  in  peace,  stayed  on  the 
Lord.  Not  long  after,  she  dreamed  she  had  returned,  and  that 
on  opening  our  back  door,  she  saw  the  Lord  Jesus  all  in  white! 
who  told  her  he  had  brought  the  chariot  for  her.  In  the  morn- 
ing she  said  to  her  brother  she  should  die  soon,  for  the  chariot 
of  Israel  was  come  for  her.  And  so  she  did  on  October  the 
sixteenth,  I  believe,  suddenly.  She  often  repeated  that  verse 
of  the  hymn,  "  For  you  is  prepared  the  angelic  guard,"  &c.  And 
frequently  would  be  saying,  "When  will  the  chariot  come  for 
me?"  How  solemn  is  the  thought !  My  family  is  partly  in 
paradise  and  partly  on  earth.  On  earth  I  have  none  but  my 
dear  child  Sally ;  but  above  I  have  many.  Blessed  be  God  for 
that  word, — "  We  shall  be  gathered  to  our  people."  Martha 
Clark  was  ono  who  so  walked,  as  truly  to  "  adorn  the  Gospel." 
While  in  my  house,  I  do  not  know  there  was  ever  one  thing  I 
wished  her  to  put  away,  or  to  do,  but  she  immediately  complied 
therewith.  In  nothing  was  she  worldly  minded,  but  often  was 
ready  to  refuse  any  little  addition  to  her  wages,  when  I  saw  it 
right  to  give  it  to  her.  She  was  in  many  respects  truly  a  pat- 
tern of  sobriety  of  mind,  and  of  a  quiet  spirit. 

January  4,  1798. — At  the  watch  night,  held  the  last  evening 
of  the  year,  I  was  sensible  of  a  deepening  of  the  conviction 
which  I  had  for  some  days  felt,  of  the  littleness  of  my  grace. 
In  this  spirit  I  began  this  new  year.  I  do  certainly  feel  Go'd 
hath  done  me  got,d  in  the  last ;  but  I  see  as  I  never  did,  the 
need  of  a  far  deeper  work,  a  faith  at  all  times  lively  and  vigor- 
ous. I  have  not  such  a  perfect  conquest  over  my  thoughts  as 
I  must  have  to  cause  a  continual  sense  of  the  Almighty.  I 
am  not  always  faithful  in  resisting,  if  the  thought  does  not 
appear  to  be  evil.  Since  the  first  day  of  this  year,  I  have  found 
more  power  to  watch :  Lord,  stand  by  me  !  Some  observing 
to  me,  they  could  not  find  as  much  profit  from  my  words  and 
prayers,  as  they  did  from  Sally's,  and  wondering  at  it  ;*— I 
thought  it  is  no  wonder  :  for  I  have  not  such  a  degree  of  the 
Spirit  as  she  has  But  I  will  bless  thee,  O  Lord,  that  I  am 

*  They  are  not  to  be  commended  who  spoke  thus  ;  nor  was  Mrs.  Fletcher's 
consequent  resolution,  though  admirable,  wholly  without  danger  to  the  young 
woman. — ED 


1-ATIT  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  239 

permitted  to  make  her  way ;  and  will  with  pleasure  do  more  of 
the  little  things  of  the  house,  that  she  may  have  more  leisure 
to  carry  thy  truth  about  among  souls.  She  is  a  faithful  follower 
of  the  Lamb,  and  though  she  has  been  my  orphan  to  bring  up, 
I  now  desire  to  tread  in  her  steps. 

September  12. — Fifty-nine  years  this  day  have  I  seen  the 
light  of  this  world ;  but  never  did  I  see  eternal  things  more 
important  than  at  this  hour.  I  am  led  to  live  one  moment  at  a 
time,  offering  up  my  whole  self  to  the  will  of  God,  to  be  puri- 
fied by  his  divine  influence ; — to  be  just  what  he  would  have 
me  to  be.  Lord,  get  thyself  glory  on  my  soul.  I  had  some 
humbling  thoughts  concerning  my  dear  husband. — How  much 
more  comfort  I  might  have  yielded  him,  oft  presses  hard  on  my 
mind.  "  O,  I  have  much  forgiven,  let  me  love  much !" 

Some  years  ago  I  was  much  struck  with  that  observation  of 
Mr.  Bridges, — "  Where  God  designs  to  confer  a  great  blessing, 
he  frequently  puts  a  sentence  of  death  on  the  means  that  seem 
to  lead  thereto ;  as  in  the  case  of  Abraham  and  Sarah."  I 
am  sure  it  has  been  so  with  me  in  various  instances.  At 
twenty-four  I  had  a  plentiful  fortune,  but  all  seemed  lost.  Yet 
God  said  in  my  heart,  "  Thou  shalt  lend,  and  not  borrow."  I 
was,  however,  at  that  time,  borrowing  of  many,  my  own  money 
being  in  estates.  I  feared  I  should  not  at  last  pay  all,  there- 
fore, for  fear  of  deception,  I  spoke  freely  to  several  of  my  losses, 
and  especially  to  those  whose  money  f  had  on  interest.  Many 
said,  "  Depend  upon  it  she  is  not  worth  ten  pounds,  for  every 
one  makes  the  best  they  can  of  their  affairs. " — Such  a  sen- 
tence of  death  seemed  to  come  over  all  my  worldly  affairs ! 
And  yet,  when  God's  time  came,  how  did  all  turn  about !  Now 
it  may  be  asked,  Why  does  God  take  this  away  ?  Mr.  Bridges 
gives  a  sweet  answer,  "  God  gives  his  blessings  in  that  man- 
ner which  shall  most  show  that  he  is  God."  Now  had  my 
fortune  remained  unlessened,  as  it  came  from  my  parents,  I 
should  not  have  so  clearly  seen  the  .hand  of  God.  But,  like 
Joseph,  we  must  sometimes  be  sold  into  Egypt,  in  order  to 
have  our  promises  fulfilled, — of  becoming  "  the  sheaf  lifted  up." 
Of  late  I  have  feared  lest  I  should  look  to  my  plenty  more  than 
I  ought,  and  not  live  by  faith.  Perhaps  to  prevent  that,  the 
Lord  hath  taken  this  thirty  pounds  in  France,  and  fifty  pounds 
per  annum  in  Switzerland  ;*  and  yet  I  feel  no  lack. 

November  15. — Last  Monday,  the  12th,  was  a  solemn  day 
to  me.  That  day  seventeen  years,  (and  on  a  Monday,)  my 
dear  husband  and  I  were  made  one  before  men.  We  were 
before  made  one  in  the  Lord.  O  that  my  spirit  could  more 
partake  of  what  he  feels  in  glory  !  I  have  no  doubt  that  an 
eternal  growth  belongs  to  happy  spirits  ;  and  sometimes  I  think 
jhe  has  so  long  got  the  start  of  me,  and  was  so  much  before  me 

*  Lost  by  the  invasion  of  the  French. — ED. 


240  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  vn, 

even  here,  that  I  fear  I  shall  not  be  in  one  tribe  with  him  above. 
Well,  I  feel  the  will  and  order  of  God  is  right,  let  my  mansion 
be  where  it  wiH.  If  Jesus  is  glorified,  I  know  I  shall  delight 
in  that. 

November  21.— What  an  awful  time  do  we  live  in !  This 
Irish  rebellion  has  occasioned  the  death  of  thousands.  To 
what  distress  also  are  numbers  reduced,  stripped  of  all  they 
have,  their  houses  burnt,  and  themselves  forced  to  flee  for  their 
lives  !  But  many  of  our  people  have  been  remarkably  pre- 
served. I  have  not  yet  heard  of  one  of  them  who  have  not 
escaped,  though  often  as  by  miracle*  When  I  look  on  these 
things,  I  think,  How  different  is  my  situation  !  am  I  lost  iu 
wonder,  love,  and  praise !  O  my  God,  here  I  sit  under  my 
own  vine  and  fig  tree,  filled  with  every  good  thing !  Plenty  of 
money  for  all  I  want,  and  some  to  spare.  I  say,  when  I  look 
at  these  things,  I  am  astonished  at  the  tender  mercy  of  God ! 
and  encouraged  to  believe,  that  he  who  thus  graciously  deals 
with  my  poor  dying  body,  will  answer  every  prayer  for  my  soul. 
Last  night  I  seemed,  almost  the  whole  of  it,  to  hear,  and  repeat 
with  sweet  power,  these  words, — 

"  Still  O  my  soul  prolong 
The  never-ceasing  song 
Christ  my  hope,  my  joy,  my  theme ; 

His  be  all  my  happy  days ! 
Bow  my  every  power  to  him, 
Every  thought  be  spent  in  praise ! 

When  I  awoke  I  could  not  say  it,— I  could  not  even  begin! 
But  no  sooner  did  I  drop  asleep  again,  than  it  flowed  as  it 
were  out  of  my  heart  and  lips  ! 

January  15,  1799.— I  have  found  the  beginning  of  this  year 
a  very  solemn  season.  O,  that  I  may  feel  in  the  course  of  it, 
what  I  have  never  before  felt !  On  Christmas  eve,  the  Scrip- 
tures which  I  read  in  the  meeting  were  the  first  and  second 
chapters  of  Luke ; — and  it  seemed  to  many  of  us,  as  if  we  were 
with  Zaclmrias  in  the  temple,  with  Mary,  when  the  angel  Ga- 
briel came  to  her,  with  the  shepherds  in  the  field,  and,  above 
all,  with  the  little  company  in  the  stable  in  Bethlehem,  hearing 
the  shepherds  relate  their  vision,  and  Joseph  and  Mary  con- 
firming their  faith,  by  a  relation  of  all  the  wonderful  things  they 
had  seen  and  heard !  Our  hearts  exulted  also  with  Simeon 
and  Anna  in  the  temple  ;*  and  my  soul  was  led  to  cry  aloud, 

*  A  genuine  instance  of  true  faith  in  ordinary  life  and  duty.  Faith,  says  St. 
Paul,  is  the  evidence  of  things  not  sten  ;  that  is,  of  the  unseen  things  which  God 
hath  revealed,  and  of  which  the  Holy  Scriptures  are  the  record.  These  thingt 
(events,  discoveries,  declarations,  promises,  threateniugs,)  are  cither  past,  fu- 
ture, or  spiritual,  and,  therefore,  not  the  objects  of  sight.  This  evidence, 
(&\ty%cs)  gives  to  these  unseen  things  of  God,  a  present  subsistence.  Hence 
this/oi'M  is  said  to  be  mighty  through  God,  to  work  by  lore,  to  purify  the  heart, 
and  to  overcome  the  uorld.  As  this  erJdence  is  more  or  less  clear  and  constant, 
»o  is  the  victory,  and  so  is  the  consequent  holiness ;  the  righteousness,  peace, 
and  joy.  Lord,  increase  our  faith ! — ED. 


TART   VII.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  24j 

that  all  who  waited  for  salvation  in  Madeley  should  behold  mv 
Saviour ! 

I  was  able  to  go  out  on  Christmas  day,  but  I  was  ill  the  rest 
of  the  week.  On  the  first  day  of  this  year,  in  the  evening,  we 
had  a  full  meeting,  and  the  Lord  was  with  us.  We  then  con- 
sidered a  few  questions  which  had  been  brought  to  my  mind  for 
that  purpose.  First,  Has  this  last  year  been  a  year  of  prayer  ? 
Have  my  prayers  been  serious,  fervent,  and  recollected  1  Or — 
have  I  drawn  near  to  God  with  my  lips,  while  my  heart  was  far 
from  him  ?  Secondly,  Have  I  watched  my  thoughts,  and  been 
much  in  holy  ejaculations  ?  Thirdly,  Have  I  been  thankful 
for  mercies  received,  and  attentive  to  observe  deliverances  and 
answers  to  prayer]  remembering  that  word,  "He  that  offereth 
me  praise,  he  honoureth  me."  Fourthly,  Do  I  feel  a  deep  sense 
of  sin  ?  Do  I  loath  my  sinful  self,  and  cry  often,  Lord,  "  cleanse 
me  from  my  secret  faults  V  Fifthly,  Am  I  deeply  conscious 
that  the  root  of  all  sin  is,  in  having  lost  God,  and  found  self  in 
his  place  1  And  do  I  continually  see  holiness  to  consist  in  the 
being  sunk  into  my  own  nothingness,  that  God  alone  may  be 
exalted  in  my  soul  ?  Sixthly,  Does  my  faith  increase  1  Do  I 
come  more  freely  to  a  crucified  Saviour,  seeking  all  my  salva- 
tion in,  and  through  him  alone  1  Seventhly,  Do  I  keep  hold 
of  every  promise  given  me,  as  I  would  of  a  purse  of  gold, 
knowing  it  will  be  good  another  day?  Do  I  so  look  for  the 
fulfilling  of  those  given  me  long  since,  pleading  that  prayer, 
"  Lord  accomplish  the  word  on  which  thou  hast  made  me  to 
hope." 

As  to  my  outward  walk.  Have  I  watched  over  my  tongue  ? 
David  says  in  psalm  the  39th,  "  I  will  take  heed  to  my  ways, 
that  I  offend  not  with  my  tongue.  I  will  keep  my  mouth  as 
with  a  bridle,  while  the  wicked  are  in  my  sight."  You  who 
work  among  the  ungodly,  do  'you  do  so  ?  Those  words  of  St. 
James  are  very  important, — "  My  brethren,  be  ye  swift  to  hear, 
and  slow  to  speak."  And  in  the  third  chapter,  he  calls  the 
tongue  "  a  world  of  iniquity,  set  on  fire  of  hell,  and  setting  on 
fire  the  whole  course  of  nature."  Secondly,  Have  I  watched 
over  my  appetites  1  Has  my  table  been  that  of  a  Christian,  or 
that  of  a  beast  ]  A  beast  only  seeks  to  feed ;  but  a  Christian 
should  make  his  table  an  act  of  devotion.  "  Whether  ye  eat 
or  drink,"  says  St.  Paul,  "  or  whatsoever  ye  do,  do  all  in  the 
name,  and  to  the  glory  of  God."  Now  this  may  be  done  in 
three  ways.  First,  Some  little  act  of  self-denial  should  accom- 
pany each  meal,  as  a  check  to  intemperance.  Ask  yourself 
after  each  meal, — In  what  have  I  denied  myself  this  time] 
Secondly,  Your  table  should  be  a  time  of  godly  conversation, 
if  with  others  : — of  meditation  if  alone.  Thirdly,  These  bless- 
ings should  raise  your  heart  to  thankful  gladness,  and  increase 
your  faith  in  that  Providence,  who,  by  thus  providing  for  your 
21 


242  THE    LIFE    OF  [PART    VII,' 

body,  gives  you  a  proof  how  much  more  he  will  provide  for 
your  immortal  soul.  To  help  you  thus  to  spiritualize  your 
meals,  use  much  attention  and  fervour  in  asking  a  blessing  and 
returning  thanks. 

With  regard  to  my  neighbour.     Do  I  strive  to  be  ftiithful  and 
diligent  in  my  station  ?     Obedient  to  superiors  1  careful  of,  and 
tender  to,  my  inferiors  ?  Secondly,  Do  I  pray  and  strive  to  love 
my  neighbour  as  myself?  Do  I  forgive  as  I  hope  to  be  forgiven "? 
Do  I  do  all  I  can  for  the  souls  and  bodies  of  those  about  me  ? 
If  I  hear  of  the  death  of  any  neighbour,  do  I  ask  myself,  Have 
I  ever  had  an  opportunity  of  warning  that  soul  which  I  have 
neglected  1     Will  that  soul  have  a  just  accusation  against  me 
at  the  last  day  ]     Again,  let  us  cast  a  look  on  those  who  are, 
from  among  ourselves  in  this  last  year,  laid  up  in  the  garner 
of  God.     Have  we  honoured  and  served  these  saints  of  God  ? 
What  a  blessed  opportunity  we  have  in  this  of  serving  the  Lord 
Jesus !     For  if  he  takes  as  to  himself,  all  we  do  for  his  little 
ones  at  any  time,  how  much  more  in  their  sickness  and  death  ? 
"  For  right  dear  in  the  sight  of  the  Lord  is  the  death  of  his 
saints."     I  never  hear  of  the  death  of  a  child  of  God,  but  I  ask 
myself  that  question, — Have  I  done  all  I  could  for  that  person 
in  every  way  ]     Jesus  saith,  "  Make  to  yourself  friends  of  the 
mammon  of  unrighteousness,  that  when  you  fail  on  earth,  they 
may  receive  you  into  everlasting  habitations."     How  many  do 
you  think  are  thus  waiting  to  receive  you  above  ?     Let  us  this 
night  awake  to  diligence.     Let  us  be  more  earnest  in  seeking, 
and  we  shall  be  more  enriched  in  finding.     Good  Mr.  Frazer* 
observes,  "  Ever  since  I  can  remember,  proportionable  to  my 
diligence  in  seeking  was  my  finding :  nor  made  I  ever  any  extra 
aim  at  God,  but  I  got  something  extra.     Also,  says  he,  I  learn 
that  a  Christian's  assurance,  or  faith,  though  it  do  not  at  first 
flow  from  holiness,  yet  it  is,  in  its  progress,  ever  in  proportion 
to  his  holy  walk  with  God."     This  is  a  great  truth,  for  "  the 
mystery  of  the  faith"  must  be  kept  "in  a  pure  conscience." 

February  7. — How  many  have  been  called  away  lately! 
Three  precious  souls,  three  nights  running,  have  I  seen  brought 
to  the  church  yard !  The  first  was  brother  Brook,  one  of  my 
dear  Mr.  Fletcher's  first  children.  He  has  been  a  steady 
walker,  but  not  clearly  awakened  to  the  work  of  sanctification 
till  a  few  years  ago.  He  dreamed  that  he  heard  a  voice  say  to 
him, — John,  are  you  ready  to  die  ?  He  could  not  remember 
what  he  answered,  but  the  purport  was,  that  he  hoped  so. 
Next  day  he  was  rather  uneasy,  and  wished  to  have  the  dream 
again,  that  he  might  answer  better.  Some  time  after,  he 
thought  in  his  sleep  he  heard  the  voice  again.  Then  he  said, 
Lord,  am  I  ready  ?  On  which  such  a  discovery  of  the  evil  of 
his  nature  was  laid  open  to  him,  that  he  cried  out,  Ah !  Lord4 
*  A  very  pious  minister  of  the  Church  of  Scotland.— ED. 


?ART  VII.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  243 

f  have  all  to  do  !  I  have  to  begin  !  From  that  time  he  felt  a 
strong  desire  to  be  a  new  creature  in  the  full  sense  of  the  word  ; 
and  began  to  strive  "  to  take  the  kingdom  by  force."  But  still 
he  did  not  see  clearly  the  way  of  faith.  One  night  he  dreamed 
my  dear  husband  came  to  him,  and  pointing  to  a  wall,  .said, 
John,  you  must  get  up  above  the  top  of  that  wall.  He  replied, 
Sir,  I  cannot,  it  is  impossible.  Mr.  Fletcher  answered,  Yes, 
John,  you  must,  or  you  will  perish.  He  immediately  lifted  up 
his  heart  to  the  Lord,  and  began  gently  to  rise,  till  he  was  even 
with  the  top  of  the  wall,— on  which  he  laid  his  hand  to  lean,— 
when  instantly  he  dropped  down  to  the  bottom,  and  awoke. 
This  much  discouraged  him.  But  a  second  time  he  dreamed 
the  same  dream,  and  leaned  as  before,  when  he  again  dropped 
down.  He  had  many  thoughts  about  these  dreams,  what  they 
could  mean.  After  some  time  he  again  dreamed  that  Mr. 
Fletcher  came  to  him,  and  as  before,  bid  him  rise  above  that 
wall,  adding,. — The  reason,  John,  why  you  fell  the  other  times, 
was  because  you  leaned  on  the  wall.  If  you  but  touch  it,  you 
spoil  all.  Then  he  again  lifted  up  his  heart  in  faith  as  before, 
and  gently  rising  till  he  was  above  the  wall,  he  found  himself 
in  a  most  beautiful  place,  and  his  soul  in  a  profound  peace. 
From  this  dream  he  saw  it  was  by  "looking  unto  Jesus,"  that 
he  was  to  "  enter  that  rest  which  remains  for  the  people  of 
God."  During  a  very  long  and  painful  illness,  he  has  been 
kept  in  a  sweet  calm  peace.  In  the  beginning  he  was  much 
tempted,  but  his  confidence  remained  firm.  In  the  latter  end 
it  was  much  increased.  He  said,  a  few  minutes  before  his 
death,  to  a  neighbour,  "  O,  Tommy,  this  calls  for  much  faith 
and  patience ;"  but  added,  That  his  confidence  was  unshaken. 
He  then  cried,  "  Come,  Lord  Jesus !"  and  entered  his  ever- 
lasting  rest. 

The  next  night  poor  sister  Smith  was  buried.  She  appeared 
to  me  more  than  commonly  stirred  up  the  last  two  or  three 
times  I  met  her  in  class.  In  her  illness,  which  lasted  a  month, 
she  was  continually  crying  out  for  a  clean  heart ;  lamenting 
the  unbelief  she  felt,  which,  said  she,  is  as  a  wall.  O  that  this 
wall  of  unbelief  were  removed,  that  I  might  have  a  clear  evi- 
dence !  O  that  the  heart  of  stone  were  taken  away !  One 
night,  about  a  week  before  she  died,  she  called  hastily  to  her 
son,  telling  him,  the  Lord  had  taken  away  the  heart  of  stone, 
and  filled  her  mouth  with  praise.  She  continued  in  peace, 
though  in  much  pain,  till  her  spirit  returned  to  God.  The 
following  night  a  man  was  buried,  who  had  been  a  sufferer  for 
some  years,  but  in  that  time  brought  home  to  God. 

February  14. — My  mind  is  sorrowful.  It  seems  as  if  the 
Lord  was  about  to  take  my  Sally  from  me.  She  grows  worse 
and  worse ;  her  legs  swell  much,  her  strength  fails,  and  all 
means  used  appear  unsuccessful.  I  have  been  so  supported, 


244  THE    LIFE    OP  [PART  Vlf. 

as  I  could  not  have  expected ;  not  with  great  joy,  but  a  deter- 
mined resignation, — a  clinging  to  the  will  of  God,  be  the  event 
what  it  may.  She  has  been  as  the  tenderest  of  daughters  to 
me ;  a  spiritual  friend  both  to  soul  and  body ;  a  most  useful 
housekeeper,  and  the  best  of  nurses :  in  short,  the  staff  of  my 
old  age.  If  I  lose  her,  I  shall  be  stripped  of  all  that  makes  my 
lite  comfortable.  We  keep  a  kind  of  inn  for  the  Lord's  people ; 
and  1  am  so  infirm  I  cannot  supply  her  place  in  care  and  man- 
agement. In  the  work  of  God  she  is  also  admirably  useful, 
and  together  we  get  through  a  good  deal.  But  left  alone,  what 
a  poor  creature  shall  I  be,  to  go  through  all  these  fatigues  ? 
But  I  will  encourage  myself  in  the  Lord.  We  shall  not  be 
parted.  She  goes  a  little  before,  and  I  shall  follow  after. 

March  9. — I  have  still  a  season  of  trial,  but  not  without  profit. 
My  dear  Sally  is  yet  ill,  apparently  going  into  a  consumption. 
I  must  now,  as  Abraham,  lay  the  whole  of  my  earthly  comforts 
on  the  altar !  But  I  cling  to  the  will  of  God.  Christ  left  all 
for  me.  O  my  Lord,  enable  me  to  glorify  thee  in  the  fire  ,' 
This  morning  I  was  blest  in  those  words,  "Casting  all  your 
care  on  him,  for  he  careth  for  you." 

March  19. — This  was  our  quarter  day.  I  found  in  the  morn- 
ing a  particular  faith,  in  devoting  myself  to  the  Lord,  that  his 
whole  will  might  be  accomplished  in  me,  and  by  me,  that  day  ; 
and  I  saw  the  immediate  guidance  of  his  hand  in  each  particu- 
lar. I  felt  thankful,  that  our  application  to  Mr.  Young  had 
apparently  been  blest,  and  my  dear  friend  was  better,  and  ena- 
bled to  assist  me  through  the  hurry  of  the  day.  We  went  to 
bed  in  peace,  though  fatigued.  But  in  the  night  she  spit  blood 
again.  This  circumstance  seems  to  take  away,  humanly  speak- 
ing, all  hope  of  her  recovery.  The  discharge  continued,  though 
lessening  all  the  next  day  and  night.  Blessed  be  God,  I  felt 
power  to  go  through  all  that  I  was  called  to  in  the  Lord's  work, 
and  to  cling  fast  to  his  will  by  resignation. 

March  25. — Sally  is  very  poorly.  The  bleeding  continues, 
though  the  discharge  is  small.  Yesterday  morning,  Easter 
Sunday,  I  felt  power  to  throw  myself  on  the  Lord,  and  was 
helped  through  the  duties  of  the  day.  I  asked  her  how  she  felt 
her  mind  when  she  began  to  spit  the  blood  1  She  replied,  she 
felt  no  fear  of  death,  but  a  firm  confidence  that  the  Lord  would 
finish  his  work  if  he  took  her  directly.  At  the  same  time  she 
felt  tenderly  for  me.  She  added,  "  On  Thursday,  being  in  great 
pain,  I  dropped  into  a  doze,  and  thought  I  heard  the  voice  of 
my  dear  master,  saying,  as  if  he  stood  by  me,  '  The  sufferings 
of  the  present  time  are  not  worthy  to  be  compared  with  the 
glory  which  shall  be  revealed.'  "  It  was  a  refreshment  to  me 
to  have,  as  it  were,  a  message  from  heaven  in  this  time  of 
trouble.  As  I  sat  in  my  pew  at  church,  I  thought,  I  must  now 
go  to  the  table  alone.  Once  I  had  my  dear  husband  there,  and 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  245 

my  child  at  my  side.  Now,  as  Naomi,  I  must  say,  I  went  mil 
full,  but  return  empty.  As  I  knelt  at  the  table,  it  seemed  as 
if  her  spirit  was  one  with  mine.  On  my  return  to  the  pew,  as 
I  was  pleading  in  prayer  that  the  Lord  would  order  all,  it  came 
to  me, 

"  Leave  to  his  sovereign  sway 

To  choose  and  to  command ; 
So  shalt  tliou,  wond'ring,  own  his  way, 
How  wise,  how  good  his  hand." 

I  said,  Lord,  look  upon  us !  It  was  answered,  The  hairs  of 
your  head  are  all  numbered.  I  then  said,  My  dear  Saviour, 
our  concerns  are  regarded  in  the  court  above  ;  I  freely  leave 
them  there  !  It  came  with  power,  And  the  care  of  them  is 
with  the  Most  High.  That  so  melted  my  heart,  I  could  not 
help  bursting  into  tears.  But  they  were  tears  of  gratitude.  The 
Lord  did  not  seem  to  tell  me  what  he  would  do  with  me ;  but 
patience  must  have  its  perfect  work. 

May  8. — Many  mercies  and  many  trials  have  I  passed 
through  since  I  wrote  last.  My  dear  Sally  is  yet  very  poorly, 
and  I  feel  myself  called  to  stand  on  my  watch  tower,  that  I  may 
gain  all  the  good  designed  me  in  this  trial.  I  desire  to  be  in 
the  posture  of  Abraham  when  he  was  going  to  Mount  Moriah. 
What  will  be  the  end  I  know  not,  but  it  has  been  a  time  of 
much  pain. 

May  30. — The  Lord  hath  in  great  mercy  heard  prayer  in 
many  respects  of  late.  I  know  not  where  to  begin  to  recount 
his  goodness.  My  dear  Sally  is  much  better,  and  seems  to 
gather  strength  beyond  expectation.  On  Sunday  night  last  I 
was  led  to  make  a  fresh  dedication  of  my  all  to  God ;  and  he 
showed  me  I  was  to  confide  alone  in  him.  I  fear  much  for  my 
dear  friend,  but  I  am  not  called  to  hinder  her  in  any  thing,  but 
commit  all  to  the  Lord,  for  I  have  given  up  all  into  his  hand. 

June  28. — Blessed  be  God,  I  do  feel  an  increase  of  union, 
and  a  recollected  posture  of  mind.  Reading  that  line  to-day 
in  one  of  Mr.  Wesley's  letters,  "Entire  resignation  implies 
entire  love.  Give  him  your  will,  and  you  give  him  your  heart," 
I  felt  a  spring  of  satisfaction  arise  in  my  mind.  I  am  sure  I 
do  feel  an  increasing  resignation,  and  that  not  in  theory,  but  in 
practice.  My  most  near  and  tender  feelings  have  been  touched 
of  late.  I  live  under  those  trials  at  this  time,  not  only  in  the 
continued  illness  of  my  dear  Sally,  who  still  seems  consumptive, 
but  other  circumstances  beside.  I  can  feelingly  say,  "  The 
Lord  liveth,  and  blessed  be  my  Rock,  and  exalted  be  the  God 
of  my  salvation."  There  appears  to  be  one  design  in  all  the 
Lord's  dispensations  toward  us,  viz.  the  bringing  us  to  lose  our 
wills  perfectly  in  his  adorable  will ;  and  I  find  nothing  so  help- 
ful as  to  be  quite  still  in  his  hand.  Committing  all  to  the  Lord, 
however  difficult  things  may  appear,  I  am  to  stand  still,  and  the 
Lord  makes  a  way  through  in  his* own  time,  and  often  the  trial 
21* 


246  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VII. 

» 

is  only  a  shadow.  Like  Abraham,  we  all  are  called  to  offer  our 
Isaac,  and  then  the  cross  is  removed.  We  have  had  peculiar 
expenses  of  late,  and  my  gracious  Father  hath  provided  for 
that.  A  few  days  since,  I  received  a  letter  from  my  eldest 
brother's  wife,  in  which  she  sent  me  a  present  of  twenty  pounds. 
Lord,  didst  thou  not  tell  me,  I  will  bless  them  that  bless  thee  ? 
Let  this  kindness  be  so  returned,  O  Lord,  in  spiritual  and  tem- 
poral blessings  ! 

July  20.— Lord,  thou  art  good !  I  feel  thine  arm  does  support 
me.  O  teach  me  the  "way  of  faith  more  perfectly !"  My  dear 
child  grows  worse..  She  coughs  almost  continually.  I  feel  it 
as  a  knife  in  my  heart.  She  is  my  earthly  all;  and  in  the 
whole  universe,  there  is  but  one  thing  I  love  more  than  her, 
that  is,  "The  will  of  my  God."  To  that  I  do,  I  must,  I  will 
refer  every  thing ! 

August  6.— Having  been  called  to  take  a  little  journey  of 
thirty  miles,  I  have  found  it  a  good  deal  disorder  my  body,  as, 
of  late  years,  travelling  always  does :  and  with  the  continued 
illness  of  my  dear  friend,  I  have  little  time  for  writing,  except 
the  letters  I  have  to  answer.  But,  blessed  be  the  Lord !  I  have 
been  carried  through  all  my  weekly  meetings,  with  a  peculiar 
sense  of  the  presence  of  God.  Last  Tuesday,  in  our  interces- 
sion, we  laid  her  case  again  before  the  Lord,  with  much  freedom, 
and  I  think  she  has  been  better  since.  We  are  called  to  hang 
on  Jesus,  and  cleave  to  his  will.  My  dear  child  is  kept  in  much 
peace,  and  she  prays  that  the  trial  may  answer  all  that  the  Lord 
intends  before  it  is  removed.  Lord,  I  add  my  prayers  to  hers ; 
so  let  it  be  !  I  shall  certainly  feel  her  loss  severely.  With  her 
I  can  consult  about  every  circumstance.  To  her  I  can  tell 
every  temptation  ;  and  her  watchful  attention  over  each  infirm- 
ity of  my  body  is  uncommon.  Her  skill  in  managing  all  the 
affairs  of  my  family  is  very  great ;  she  takes  off  all  burdens 
from  me,  and  leaves  me  wholly  free.  Her  help  in  the  work 
of  God  also  is  unspeakable.  She  assists  me  in  memory,  in 
speaking  to  the  people,  in  judging  concerning  them,  in  reprov- 
ing and  exhorting ;  and  I  do  nothing  in  the  church  affairs  but 
with  her  counsel.  In  her  own  meetings,  a  few  of  which  she 
still  will  keep  up,  her  word  is  clothed  with  power  ;  and  many, 
very  many,  are  weeping  through  fear  of  her  loss.  I  feel  the 
Lord  requires  me  to  keep  looking  to  him  alone,  and  living  only 
the  present  hour,  with  a  continual  Abraham-like  spirit,  holding 
my  sacrifice  before  the  Lord,  to  whom  my  more  than  all  is  due. 
August  14. — I  have  been  renewing  my  covenant  with  the 
Lord  this  day, — to  abandon  all  my  whole  cause,  both  of  soul 
and  body,  into  his  hand  !  and  to  offer  afresh  to  follow  the  Lamb 
whithersoever  he  goeth.  Fourteen  years  of  widowhood  I  have 
this  day  completed.  And  now  it  seems  as  if  my  last,  my  only 
remaining  friend  and  comfort,  was  called  for !  And  I  have  been 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  247 

pleading  with  the  Lord  that  I  may  cling  to  his  dear  will.  Yes- 
terday  morning  I  had  a  sweet  refreshing  gale  from  Sion's  top, 
and  such  confidence  I  felt  in  the  all-sufficiency  of  the  Saviour, 
that  I  could  lean  all  my  weight  -of  care  on  the  Lord,  and  saw 
his  arm  was  under  both  my  friend  and  me.  It  lifted  off  my 
care,  and  healed  my  suffering  mind.  This  morning  I  have 
strove  to  humble  myself  before  the  Lord,  and  to  inquire  whether 
I  may  ask  the  healing  of  my  child !  It  seemed  as  if  I  was  led 
to  stand  still ;— for  though  no  trial  of  the  kind  could  be  so  near 
my  heart,  yet  I  feel  my  dearest  concern  is  the  glory  of  God. 
And  therefore  I  can  only  say,  Thy  will  be  done !  But  if  the 
cup  may  pass  from  me ! — Lord,  let  silence  plead  my  cause !  I 
will  not  ask  any  thing,  but  such  a  gracious  conduct  toward  us, 
as  will  bring  most  glory  to  thee,  and  for  which  we  shall  most 
praise  thee  in  eternity. 

August  30. — This  has  been  a  day  of  searching  into  my  heart. 
I  see  there  is  great  need  of  the  Lord  to  lay  to  his  hand.  I  want 
a  deliverance  I  do  not  yet  feel.  The  Spirit  of  God  is  a  spirit 
of  illumination.  That  I  in  a  low  degree  feel.  I  have  a  light 
which  increases  in  reading  the  Scriptures;  and  some  fresh 
views  of  the  amazing  glory  of  redemption  are  given  to  me. 
Secondly,  The  Spirit  of  God  is  a  spirit  of  "prayer,  of  groans 
unutterable."  A  little  of  this  I  feel,  but  out  of  seven  times  a 
day  in  prayer,  often  I  have  not  what  I  call  the  spirit  of  prayer, 
above  three  or  four  times.  Thirdly,  The  Spirit  of  God  is  a 
spirit  of  humiliation.  Surely  I  may  say  I  have  this  mark ;  but 
I  do  not  love  humiliation,  at  least  till  I  have  had  time  to  reflect. 
I  do  not  run  to  embrace  it,*  nor  pick  it  up  as  I  would  a  jewel. 
Fourthly,  The  Spirit  of  God  is  a  spirit  of  sanctification,  puri- 
fying the  heart.  I  do  feel  it  is  working  that  in  me.  Yet  I  am 
not  free  from  reptile  thoughts,  those  which  crawl  on  the  earth. 
They  do  not,  it  is  true,  carry  the  stamp  of  sin  upon  them,  yet 
they  hinder  prayer.  Fifthly,  The  Spirit  of  God  is  the  spirit  of 
love.  What  shall  I  say  to  this  ?  My  love  to  God  does  increase : 
I  can  say,  O  God  !  my  chief  joy  ! — but  I  can  very  seldom  say, 
O  God !  my  exceeding  joy !  My  love  seems  faint  and  dim, 
and  that  to  my  neighbour  keeps  pace  with  it.  I  deny  myself 
for  their  sake, — but  that  is  nothing.  The  pleasure  I  feel  in 
helping  the  distressed,  is  greater  than  that  which  I  deny  myself 
in.  Indeed,  if  I  did  not  do  so,  I  should  know  "  the  love  of  the 
Father  was  not  in  me."  But  I  cannot  rest  till  I  feel  a  greater 
measure  of  that  love  which  brought  my  Saviour  from  heaven  to 
earth,  to  take  on  him  the  iniquity  of  us  all.  O  Jesus,  let  that 
mind  be  in  me  that  was  in  thee  !  I  ask  it  in  thy  name ! 

*  Is  not  this  too  strong  1  Ought  we  to  run  to  meet  that  which  must  be  sin  to 
others  1  We  must  indeed  be  conformed  to  the  Sun  of  God ;  and  we  should  bear 
his  reproach,  not  only  with  patience,  but  with  joy.  In  a  mind  so  devoted  as  Mrs. 
Fletcher's,  the  meaning  must  be  good,  but  there  may  be  some  danger  to  others  in 
this  strong  way  of  expressing  it — ED.  , 


248  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VII. 

September  12. — I  am  this  day  threescore.  My  dear  husband 
would  have  been  seventy.  But  he  has  had  fourteen  years  in 
glory.  Lord,  prepare  me  for  all  prepared  for  me  !  O  let  me 
live  my  last  days  to  thy  glory  as  I  have  never  done  !  Yesterday 
the  Lord  gave  me  that  word,  "  When  thou  goest  through  the 
waters,  they  shall  not  overflow  thee."  I  asked  if  I  might  pray 
for  my  dearest  comfort  to  be  spared.  That  text  seemed  an 
answer ;  "  Be  careful  for  nothing,  but  in  every  thing,  by  prayer 
and  supplication,  make  your  requests  known  unto  God."  For 
some  days  her  cough  has  been  more  strong,  and  more  frequent. 
I  feel  the  will  of  God  my  sure  defence.  If  he  please,  he  can  yet 
raise  my  dear  friend ;  but  if  he  have  otherwise  determined,  It 
is  the  Lord.  He  cannot  err :  I  will  not  choose. 

October  7. — We  have  had  the  comfort  to  hear  of  the  happy 
death  of  Miss  Styche.  She  told  me  the  conviction  she  got 
while  at  Mrs.  Micklewright's  school,  abode  with  her  for  some 
time.  But,  said  she,  afterward  when  I  got  into  the  world,  all 
you  had  said  seemed  wiped  away.  Then  the  Lord  laid  his 
hand  on  me  by  this  illness.  A  blessed  illness  it  has  been  to 
me,  for  it  hatn  brought  me  to  seek  him.  But  now  I  fear  he 
will  never  receive,  nor  forgive  me.  When  we  'told  her  of  the 
great  atonement  and  perfect  righteousness  of  the  Saviour,  she 
seemed  as  if  she  would  swallow  every  word.  She  then  said, 
When  Mr.  Walter  visits  me  I  often  feel  comforted ;  but  I  can- 
not  retain  it ;  and  I  feel  my  heart  full  of  sin.  At  this  time  she 
was  torn  with  evil  tempers,  unable  to  live,  and  afraid  to  die. 
Suffering  much,  and  having  no  comfort ;  so  that  nothing  seemed 
to  please  or  satisfy  her.  Yet  she  struggled  hard  to  obtain  not 
only  consolation,  but  the  mind  that  was  in  Christ.  One  day 
as  a  few  of  us  were  at  prayer  with  her,  she  received  such  a  lift 
of  faith  as  delivered  her  from  all  her  bonds.  From  that  hour 
all  about  her  were  amazed  at  the  change.  She  was  all  the 
lamb,  and  the  dove !  The  new  creature  shone  clear  indeed. 
When  my  Sally  was  saying,  Shortly  you  will  come  to  the 
blessed  moment,  when,  "ready  winged  for  the  flight,"  you 
shall  see  the  chariot  of  Israel  come  for  you,  her  eyes  sparkled 
with  delight,  and  she  said,  "  I  am  so  happy  as  I  cannot  express. 
Sometimes  I  have  fiery  darts  ;  but  I  look  to  Jesus,  and  he  turns 
them  away.  He  is  always  with  me."  She  continued  thus  to 
the  last.  A  few  hours  before  she  died,  she  seemed  to  have 
much  of  the  presence  of  God,  repeating  with  great  delight, 
"  Ready  wing'd,  ready  wing'd !"  She  then  begged  her  young 
sister  to  turn  to  God,  saying,  "  You  must  cleave  to  those  who 
have  done  me  so  much  good.  Y'ou  see  how  I  am,  and  I  would 
not  be  otherwise ;  I  would  not  live  for  a  thousand  worlds.  I 
have  such  a  prospect — so  clear  into  eternity.  Jesus  hath  saved 
me!  He  hath  washed  me  from  my  sins  «»  his  own  blood 
He  hath  put  on  me  the  white  robe,  and  I  see  my  way  clear 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  249 

0  cleave  to  the  people  that  have  been  so  blessed  to  me."    Soon 
after  she  said,  «  Molly,  Molly,  look  !  do  not  you  see  these  sweet 
creatures?"    Her  sister  replied,  "  No,  I  do  not."    To  which 
Miss  Styche  said,  "  But  I  do,  they  are  come  for  me."    Molly 
asked,  What  are  they  like  ?    She  replied,  "  They  are  glorified 
spirits  !  they  are  virgins — they  are  come  for  me  !     Yes;  they 
are  come  for  me  !"    And  immediately, 

;l  She  clapt  the  glad  wing,  and  tower'd  away, 
TV)  mingle  with  the  blaze  of  day !" 

She  died  October  the  4th,  in  her  twenty-first  year. 

November  12. — Many  solemn  thoughts,  yet,  such  as  have 
led  to  God,  have  occupied  my  mind  to-day.  When  I  look  back 
eighteen  years,  it  gives  me  pleasure  to  recollect,  that  my  dear 
love  and  I  agreed,  that  we  would  not  limit  our  union  by  that 
word,  "  Till  death  us  doth  part,"  but  that  we  would  consider 
our  covenant  as  eternal.  Not  that  we  meant  to  tie  each  other 
from  a  future  marriage ;  but  that  our  union  of  soul  was  never 
to  be  broken.  Often  when  we  have  been  speaking  together  of 
this,  he  would  say,  "  Well,  Polly,  then  our  spiritual,  as  well 
as  our  temporal  mercies,  are  mutual."  From  this  recollection, 

1  was  led  to  consider  that  text,  "  He  hath  made  us  meet  to 
partake  of  the  inheritance  of  the  saints  in  light,"  and  felt  a 
power  to  pray  as  I  have  often  done,  that  I  might  be  permitted 
to  share  in  his  joy,  now  inherited  before  the  throne.     At  night, 
in  the  society,  my  faith  was  somewhat  increased. 

December  23. — T  am  a  woman  of  a  sorrowful  spirit.  My 
dear  child  grows  worse  :  well,  I  will  cling  to  that  rock,  Thy 
will  be  done !  This  shall  be  my  momentary  employ  the 
remainder  of  my  life.  Not  one  on  earth  to  whom  I  can  con- 
verse of  the  past  trials  through  which  she  hath  walked  with 
me !  Well,  my  Lord,  thou  knowest  my  solitary  situation. 
The  pain  she  suffers  from  that  dreadful  cough,  and  a  compli- 
cation of  complaints,  would  constrain,  I  think,  any  besides 
herself  to  keep  their  bed.  But  while  there  is  a  grain  of  strength 
given  to  her,  she  will  use  it,  both  in  the  work  of  God,  and  in 
the  care  of  our  affairs.  I  will  hang  upon  that  word,  "  I  will 
bring  the  blind  by  a  way  they  know  not :  I  will  lead  them  in 
paths  which  they  have  not  known.  I  will  make  darkness  light 
before  them,  and  crooked  things  straight.  These  things  will  I 
do  for  them,  and  not  forsake  them." 

January  20,  1800. — This  morning  as  I  was  laying  before  the 
Lord  the  sufferings  of  my  dear  child,  I  thought,  if  the  hairs  of 
our  head  are-numbered,  then  I  am  sure  each  time  she  has  that 
cough,  so  hard,  so  violent,  it  is  noticed  by  the  Lord.  I  felt  that 
it  was ;  and  asked,  with  submission,  that  it  might  be  removed, 
or  that  he  would  graciously  show  that  it  was  sent  in  love. 
After  awhile,  these  words  were  sweetly  impressed  on  my  mind, 
"  The  light  affliction  which  is  but  for  a  moment  shall  work  out 


250  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VI!- 

for  us  a  far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of  glory."  I 
felt  that  word,  far  more  exceeding,  so  that  I  answered,  Well, 
my  blessed  Lord,  I  will  hold  to  my  old  word,  God  shall  choose 
our  inheritance  for  us.  Give  me,  O  Lord,  to  find  my  all  in 
thee  !  Last  night,  in  the  society,  those  words  were  impressed 
on  my  mind,  Seek  first  the  kingdom  of  God,  and  all  things 
else  shall  be  added  unto  you. 

March  17. — Yesterday  Mary  Wyke  entered  glory,  in  the 
nineteenth  year  of  her  age.  She  is  a  remarkable  answer  to 
prayer.  In  the  beginning  of  her  illness  she  was  very  careless 
and  hard  ;  but  after  much  suffering,  she  was  brought  to  know 
herself,  and  to  seek  the  Lord.  He  was  pleased  to  manifest  his 
love  to  her  in  some  degree,  but  still  she  had  a  great  hankering 
after  life ;  and  at  times  she  was  much  troubled  with  unholy 
tempers,  which  she  sorely  lamented.  A  few  months  ago  her 
body  being  brought  to  the  state  of  a  Lazarus,  she  was  consi- 
dering whether  there  was  any  likelihood  of  recovery,  when 
those  words  were  powerfully  applied  to  her  heart,  "  Thou  shalt 
die  and  not  live."  This,  she  told  me,  she  knew  to  be  the  voice 
of  God;  and  felt  all  her  will  for  life  immediately  taken  away. 
From  that  day  a  mighty  change  appeared  upon  her.  She  has 
had  much  of  the  presence  of  the  Lord,  and  been  kept  in  a  sweet, 
calm,  loving  state,  ripening  for  glory — declaring  she  was  will- 
ing to  suffer  as  long  as  the  Lord  should  please,  for  she  knew 
her  pains  were  working  out  a  "farther  weight  of  glory." 
Sometimes  she  was  triumphantly  happy ;  at  other  times,  she 
could  only  lie  and  groan  in  agony ;  but  even  then  she  would 
say,  if  asked,  "  I  am  happy  ;  and  I  have  no  will."  A  fortnight 
before  her  death  she  dreamed  her  grandmother,  who  died  here 
in  the  Lord  a  few  years  ago,  came  to  her,  and  a  person  whom 
she  did  not  know  came  with  her.  That  person  said,  "  Mary, 
hold  faith  and  patience  a  little  longer,  and  you  shall  be  with 
us."  The  night  before  she  died  she  was  very  happy.  Ten 
minutes  before  she  departed,  her  mother  said,.  Are  you  happv. 
my  dear!  She,  with  difficulty,  answered,  "  Yes," — and  soo'n 
ceased  breathing. — Eternity  is  very  near !  O,  for  a  swifter 
progress  in  our  souls  ! 

March  31. — This  has  been  a  day  of  recollection,  and  of 
groaning  after  a  fuller  manifestation  of  the  Lord's  power.  It 
is  a  time  of  trial.  -My  dear  child,  what  does  she  suffer  !•  Yet 
how  patient  and  passive  in  the  hand  of  God  !  I  seem  left  to 
suffer ;  yet  I  am  wonderfully  supported  too. — Wei],  comfort  is 
not  that  which  I  most  desire.  I  feel  my  strongest  desire  is, 
that  the  nature  of  God  may  be  more  powerfully  stamped  on  my 
soul. 

May  21.— The  Lord  does  not  suffer  my  sorrowful  attention 
to  hinder  his  work.  Last  Sunday,  I  was  at  the  Wood.  Never, 
I  think,  did  I  feel  more  freedom.  O  my  God !  work  for  the 


PART  VH.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  251 

glory  of  thy  name  on  this  people  !  I  feel  their  soula  very  near 
to  me.  The  Lord  is  with  us  in  trouble,  and  my  dear  Sally  is 
kept  in  a  calm,  quiet  frame.  Through  all  she  suffers,  she  saye, 
she  has  such  a  sense  how  safe  she  is  in  the  hand  of  God,  that 
his  time  either  for  ease  or  death,  is  the  best  time. 

August  1. — My  dear  friend  is  yet  no  belter.  Last  night  was 
a  painful  one.  0  that  this  trial  may  have  its  due  effect  on  us 
both  !  I  long  for  full  conformity  to  all  the  will  of  God.  I  see 
every  grace  increases  by  use.  I  am  called  to  exercise  faith, 
and  as  faith  gathers  strength,  I  know  every  other  grace  will 
keep  pace  with  it.  I  have  had  much  temptation  since  I  wrote 
last;  but  how  tan  faith  be  in  full  exercise  if  we  see  all  clearly? 

September  24. — Lord,  thine  eyes  are  upon  us-!  We  see  and 
feel  thy  help  in  the  midst  of  our  trials.  I  have  little  time  to 
write,  my  dear  child  being  now  so  very  bad ;  but  I  am  led  to 
live  on  that  word,  "  Thy  will  be  done."  It  is  a  day  of  clouds, 
and  at  times  of  thick  darkness.  All  my  help  seems  to  be  in 
clinging  to  the  will  of  God.  One  sentence  Miss  Ritchie  (now 
Mrs.  Mortimer)  read  in  sister  Johnson's  letter  from  Bristol, 
was  blest  to  me.  She  says — "  When  we  look  at  Jesus  by  faith, 
Satan  loses  his  power,  and  if  I  may  so  speak,  his  place,  which 
is  the  reasoning  faculty."* 

January  1,  1801.— What  have  I  seen,  and  felt  since  last  I 
wrote  !  On  December  3d,  my  dearest  child  and  friend  went 
triumphantly  to  glory !  I  was  helped  to  write  an  account  of 
her  devoted  life  and  happy  death,  and  read  it  to  the  society, 
while  her  precious  corpse  was  in  the  house.  I  have  now  scarce 
strength  to  look  it  over.  How  does  the  Lord  help  us  in  the 
needful  hour!  In  the  ordering  of  her  funeral,  and  various 
things  which  fell  on  me  alone,  I  have  been  brought  through, 
and  proved  her  dying  words,  "He  will  put  his  .everlasting  arms 
underneath  you."  He  doth,  and  I  am  borne  up.  But  O,  what 
a  loss  do  I  sustain !  God  only  knows  what  she  was  to  me, 
and  himself  alone  can  fill  the  aching  void !  What  adds  to  the 
weight  is,  I  have  not  that  communion  with  God  I  long  for.  I 

*  An  undue  dependence  on  the  reasoning  faculty,  is  indeed  Satan's  strong 
hold,  and  Irighest  delusion.     Any  repulse  to  this  temptation,  he  will  suggest,  must 
amount  to  a  renunciation  of  that  noble  gift  of  God !    It  is  thus  "  the  strong  one, 
armed"  with  the  pride,  self-will,  prejudice,  and  worldly  spirit  of  the  sinner, 
(which  he  will  call  his  reason,)  "  keepeth  his  house,  and  his  goods  are  in  peace." 
In  this  state  our  Lord  found  the  fallen  Jewish  nation ;  and  in  this  state  Luther 
(not  to  mention  other  reformers)  found  the  fallen  Christian  church.     Almost  :n 
this  state  (but  with  a  pure  doctrine  in  the  established  creeds,  and  liturgy,)  did  Mr. 
Wesley  find  this  favoured  kingdom.    In  this  state  also  does  the  "  Spir  it  of  Christ' 
find  every  natural  man,  however  learned  or  wise.     But  who  will  sink  under 
that  sentence  of  death  which  the  Holy  Spirit  pronounces,  John  xvi,  8-1 1,  against 
all  this  deceivableness  of  unrighteousness  1    Only  the  man  who  submi 
have  faith  placed  on  the  throne  usurped  by  the  "reasoning  faculty." 
any  man  know  "  the  salvation  that  is  through  faith,"  but  the  man  who  res 
juaintains  that  divine  allegiance ;— who  steadily  walks  by  the  same  rule,  ana 
minds  the  same  things.— ED. 


252  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VII , 

am  amazed  at  the  resignation  which  I  feel.  Yes,  I  do,  I  will 
adore  him,  for  taking  awuy  my  all  from  me.*  I  fear  I  hung 
too  much  on  her.  I  did  nothing  without  her  counsel,  and  truly 
I  was  dearer  to  her  than  herself.  To  the  last  she  felt  in  the 
most  tender  manner  for  me,  and  often  said,  "  If  the  Lord  saw 
good,  how  gladly  would  I  drink  this  bitter  cup  instead  of  you ! 
and  close  your  eyes  instead  of  you  closing  mine.  But  the  will 
of  God  is  all  to  us ;  in  that  we  are  agreed — we  live  in — '  Thy 
will  he  done.' "  I  do  not  know  indeed  the  heart  of  a  stranger; 
and  I  do  trust  the  Lord  is  about  to  make  me  "  his  own  habita- 
tion through  the  indwelling  Spirit."  Now  and  then,  for  a 
moment,  I  have  such  a  display  of  God,  as  I  know  and  feel  would 
turn  my  gloomy  night  into  a  bright  day.  But  it  is  but  for  a 
moment,  and  then  seems  to  shut  up  again.  I  must  remember 
my  dear  Sally's  words,  "We  are  both  waiting  for  the  Lord;" 
and  "  it  is  good  to  hope,  and  quietly  to  wait  for  the  salvation  of 
God."  I  begin  this  year  as  a  hermit:  ah!  that  I  may  end  it 
as  a  saint.  Come,  Lord  Jesus,  and  fulfil  all  thy  gracious  pro- 
mises to  my  waiting  soul ! 

I  sometimes  feel  her  as  being  present  with  me.  We  had  all 
things  in  common  here,  and  I  trust  I  shall  partake  of  her  hea- 
venly inheritance.  Thinking  of  that  one  night  when  I  was  very 
sad,  in  a  moment  all.the  gloom  went  off,  and  such  a  sweetness 
came  over  my  soul  as  seemed  to  wipe  away  all  grief.  I  drop- 
ped asleep,  and  these  words  sounded  in  my  ears  all  night, 

"  They  driak  the  deifying  stream, 
And  pluck  th'  ambrosial  fruit" 

March  11. — What  cause  I  have  to  bless  the  Lord !  How 
often  have  I  feared,  if  I  lost  my  dear  friend,  I  should  not  be  able 
to  glorify  God,  that  I  should  have  no  spirit  to  go  through  any 
thing.  But  it  is  not  so.  I  never  felt  more  light  and  liberty  in 
speaking  to  the  people  than  I  do  now ;  and  though  very  trying 
circumstances  have  occurred  in  the  work  of  God,  as  well  as  in 
my  family  affairs,  yet  I  have  been  carried  through  all  in  a  man- 
ner that  amazes  me.  How  faithful  is  the  Lord ! 

June  5. — I  continue  to  feel  my  loss  severely ;  yet  I  also  feel 
I  love  and  adore  the  will  of  God.  Yea,  and  I  admire  it.  What 
wisdom  and  love  do  I  see  in  all  this  cutting  dispensation !  I 
cleaved  too  much  to  that  precious  gift,  which  was  lent  to  me 
in  order  to  raise  my  soul  to  God.  One  night  I  dreamed  I  saw 
her  standing  before  me.  I  cried  out,  O  my  dear  love,  are  you 
come  ?  I  have  waited  for  this.  She  expressed  the  tenderest 
regard,  but  without  words,  and  it  left  a  sweet  ^ensation  on  my 
mind.  Another  time  I  dreamedf  I  was  involved  in  great  trials, 

*  T&is  was  beyond  the  highest  sensible  consolation. — ED. 

t  In  this  way  of  divine  direction  and  encouragement  the  Lord  acts  as  a  Sove- 
reign, and  gives  as  he  sees  good.  To  this  the  Holy  Scripture  bears  full  testi- 
mony. Mrs.  Fletcher  was  often  thus  favoured  Bat  how  mercifully  wa»  she 


PARTVH.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  253 

and  thought,  O,  if  my  Sally  had  been  now  with  me,  all  would 
nave  been  nothing.  Immediately  I  saw  her  just  by  me !  and 
she  gave  me  to  know,  she  was  nearer  than  I  thought.  I  know 
our  friends  are  not  really  divided  from  us ;  they  are  only  become 
invisible.  Perhaps  if  we  saw  the  spirits  of  our  dear  companions 
at  sucn  seasons,  we  mfght  be  much  tempted  to  put  our  trust  in 
them.  A  veil  is  therefore  drawn  between;  and  all  for  our 
eternal  good.  But  the  Scripture  declares,  "We  are  come  to 
the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect;"  but  this  is  far  more  plain 
to  their  eyes  than  to  ours,  which  are  as  yet  under  the  veil. 
Lord,  give  me  to  rely  on  thyself  alone ! 

July  14. — I  had  this  morning  a  comfortable  season  while 
meeting  the  class.  Those  words  of  Fenelon  were  much  on 
my  mind,  "I  will,  with  John,  lean  on  his  breast,  and  feed  on 
love,  by  joining  my  heart  to  his."  Sometimes,  while  speaking 
on  faith,  such  a  sweetness  overspreads  my  soul,  as  if  I  had  run 
into  the  bosom  of  my  Lord.  I  see,  at  those  times,  such  an  all- 
sufficiency  in  the  Saviour,  and  such  a  vastness  in  that  thought, 
"We  have  boldness  and  access  through  him," — and  again, 
'  He  hath  borne  all  our  sins  in  his  own  body  on  the  tree,"  that 
it  seemed  I  had  only  to  run  to  the  Saviour  every  moment,  as  a 
child  to  its  fond  parent !  Lord,  open  the  way  of  faith  more 
and  more  to  my  waiting  soul ! 

August  15. — Yesterday  was  a  solemn  day  to  me.  Sixteen 
years  are  passed  siace  my  eyes  beheld  the  awful  scene  of  my 
dear  husband's  entrance  "into  glory.  O  what  have  I  passed 
through  since  that  time!  Could  I'then  have  known  that  my 
precious  friend  would  have  been  taken  also,  how  it  would  have 
aggravated  the  bitter  cup!  But  blessed  be  God  that  all  the 
future  is  hid  in  his  will.  There  I  find  a  solid  rest.  It  is  now 
a  little  more  than  seven  months  since  I  lost  her,  and  I  have 
been,  and  am  enabled  to  say,  Jesus  hath  done  all  things  well. 
I  feel  my  soul  more  on  stretch  after  God,  and  my  old  promises 
seem  to  revive  afresh,  as  if  drawing  near  to  the  time  of  accom- 
plishment. That  promise  in  particular,  Thou  shalt  walk  with 
me  in  white. 

August  20.— I  awoke  this  morning  with  strong  desire  and 
prayer,  that  every  thought  might  this  day  be  the  Lord's.  O, 
why  is  there  any  distance  !  Come,  my  beloved,  and  take  the 
full  possession  of  every  power !  My  soul  is  grieved  that  I  have 
not  more  ardour  in  speaking  for  God  :  though,  blessed  be  his 
name,  I  have  found  him  graciously  with  me  at  times  in  the 
meetings.  But  I  do  not  catch  every  occasion  as  my  dear  SaLiy 
did.  The  other  day  a  man  came  to  sell  something  we  wanted. 
Being  engaged  in  writing  I  sent  one  of  the  family  to  take  it 

preserved  from  placing  any  undue  dependence  on  theee  favours !    The  word  of 
Gad  was  the  guide  to  which  she  referred  every  thing,  and  by  which  she  "tried 
the  spirits  whether  they  were  of  God." — E0. 
22 


264  THE   LIFE  OP  fPARTTIJ, 

for  me.  After  he  was  gone,  she  told  me  the  man  had  said,  he 
had  two  children  sick  of  the  small  pox,  and  had  never  had  it 
himself.  I  asked  earnestly,  And  did  you  not  talk  to  him  about 
his  soul  ?  She  answered,  No.  O,  what  did  I  feel !  Had  I 
gone  down  myself  how  much  better  should  I  have  been  em- 
ployed ! 

Lord's  day,  August  23. — In  the  meeting  this  morning  I  found 
tiie  Lord  present ;  and  I  had  also  a  little  opportunity  of  helping 
his  people.  O  what  a  favour  !  I,  who  once  expected  to  be 
left  without  the  necessaries  of  life  for  myself,  have  now  such 
frequent  opportunities  of  helping  the  poor!  Lord,  thou  art 

food  to  me  beyond  expression !  This  evening  I  spent  two 
ours  in  retirement,  and  found  it  the  best  of  all  the  day.  God 
gave  me  a  praying  spirit.  But  it  was  also  a  time  of  deep  humi- 
liation. Such  a  crowd  of  words  and  acts,  foolish  and  sinfui, 
which  were  spoken  or  committed  forty  or  fifty  years  ago,  pressed 
into  my  mind  like  so  many  barbed  arrows.  I  see  in  myself, 
from  a  child,  a  depth  of  the  fall  beyond,  I  think,  any  other. 
But  this  evening,  though  I  felt  deeply  sorrowful,  and  ready  to 
iie  down  under  the  feet  of  all,  I  found  it  mixed  with  encouraging 
hope.  These  words  bore  much  on  my  mind, 

•''  I  shall  soon  obtain  the  grace, 
4fe       Pare  in  heart  to  see  thy  face." 

August  28^-This  morning  I  awoke  after  a  restless  night, 
with  a-strong  desire  to  live  to  God.  In  prayer  I  found  some 
encouragement.  In  visiting  some  pick  also  1  felt  the  presence 
of  God.  J.  B.  seemed  to  be  very  comfortable  under  his  afflic- 
tion, and  much  led  to  look  to  Jesus  through  all ;  for,  said  he, 
"  What  a  delight  it  is  to  rejoice  in  God,  though  in  anguish  and 
pain  !  Why  it  is  all  from  him  !  all  from  him  !  that  is  my  com- 
fort." I  see  more  and  more,  souls  grow  best  in  the  furnace. 
It  is  our  "proper  soil  while  here  ;  to  enjoy  is  by  and  by. 

October  17. — Lord,  perform  thy  word,  on  "which  thou  hast 
mace  me  to  trust !  That  saying  of  our  Lord,  in  Mark  xi,  con- 
cerning the  fig  tree,  was  much  laid  on  my  heart :  "  If  ye  have 
faith,  and  doubt  not,  ye  shall  say  to  this  mountain,  depart!" 
and  "whatsoever  things  ye  ask  in  prayer,  believe  that  ye  receive, 
and  ye  shall  have  them."  That  is,  believe  that  it  becomes 
yours  as  sure  as  ye  ask  ;  yea,  at  that  time  the  grace  ye  ask  for 
is  as  it  were  held  out  to  you ;  and  you  may  say, — I  have  asked 
a  clean  heart,  a  stayed  mind,  a  baptism  of  the  Spirit.  Well, 
they  are  mine ;  I  shall  enjoy  them.  They  are  given  as  an 
estate  left  to  me :  but  I  now  want  to  enter  into  the  possession. 
My  Jesus  is  preparing  my  heart  for  his  own  abode.  He  will 
enter,  and  with  him  all  his  fulness,  to  fill  up  every  aching  void. 

August  14,  1802. — I  have  not  written  much  the  beginning  of 
this  year,  except  what  concerned  the  death  of  dear  Mrs.  Yate.* 
*  See  page  276. 


PART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  255 

She  has  long  walked  in  the  ways  of  God,  and  often  enjoyed 
sweet  and  close  communion  with  him.  When  very  young  she 
received  a  letter  which  treated  on  the  different  states  of  the 
inward  and  outward  court  worshippers.*  She  threw  the  letter 

i  the  table,  and  clasping  her  hands  together,  she  feU  on  her 
knees,  and  cried  to  the  Lord  with  a  strong  and  vehement  cry, 
that  she  might  become  one  of  those  who  should  worship  him 
m  spirit  and  in  truth.  Her  prayer  was  answered,  and  she 
oecame  truly  devoted  to  a  crucified  Saviour.  The  souls  of  her 
children  lay  very  near  her  heart,  and  she  spared  no  pains  to 
bring  them  to  the  knowledge  of  God.  In  the  cause  of  God  she 
was  deeply  engaged,  and  to  the  utmost  of  her  strength,  visiting 
the  sick,  and  inviting  sinners  to  the  Lord.  She  was  led  in  the 
way  of  the  cross,  and  being  weak  in  body,  she  was  much  ex- 
posed to  temptation.  In  her  last  illness,  she  was  frequently 
buffeted  by  the  enemy  of  her  soul ;  at  other  times  she  was 
much  comforted.  Her  most  painful  temptation  was,  that  the 
Lord  would  forsake  her  in  the  last  conflict.  After  enduring  this 
for  some  time,  she  told  me  of  some  promises  which  had  been 
applied  to  her  mind ;  above  all  that  word,  "  There  is  no  con- 
demnation to  them  that  are  in  Christ  Jesus."  Yet  these  glooms, 
as  she  called  them,  appeared  dreadful  to  her.  While  we  were 
conversing,  the  spirit  of  faith  came  over  us  botMljjie  light  dis- 
pelled all  darkness,  an|l'  in  speaking  and  prayerythere  was  a 
power  quite  uncommon.  She  said,  "  I  think  you  never  had 
such  a  time  in  this  Chouse  before ;"  and  indeed  it  was  true. 
From  that  hour  she  expressed  herself  as  quite  in  peace,  ever 
after  saying,  "  iTmve  nothing  to  trouble  me  now."  One  day 
she  said,  "  When  I  look  on  my  limbs  worn  to  a  skeleton,  it  is 
with  pleasure;  for  I  know  I  shall  go  to  God."  At  another 
time  she  observed,  "  These  words  are  much  with  me,  '  Beloved, 
think  it  n'ot  strange  concerning  the  fiery  trial  which  is  to  try 
you.'  I  leave  myself  in  His  hand,  and  all  is  peace.'' 

On  the  21st  of  January,  I  was  conversing  with  her,  and  ex- 
horting her  to  live  the  present  moment  as  if  she  was  sure  to 
die  the  next.  A  clear  light  seemed  to  shine  powerfully  on  my 
mind,  as  I  was  speaking;  she  entered  into  it  and  was  refreshed. 
As  soon  as  I  was  gone,  that  word  was  strongly  impressed  on 
her  heart,  This  is  the  way,  walk  ye  in  it.  On  the  27th,  ehe 
observed,  how  comfortably  she  had  walked  ever  since, — that 
life  or  death  were  now  quite  equal ;  and  that  she  wanted  nothing 
but  the  will  of  God  to  be  done.  "I  am,"  said  she,  "quite 
happy,  and  that  word,  our  Father,  is  so  opened  to  me,  as  fills 
me  with  delight.  I  have  nothing  to  hold  me  here.  No,  I  am 
ready  to  give  up  all.  My  children  are  near  and  dear  to  me, 
but  I  am  ready  to  leave  them  at  his  call."  She  had  close  trials, 
»uch  as  caused  the  most  tender  feelings.  She  observed,  "I 

*  Written  by  Mrs.  Fletcher.— M,  Toom 


256  THE    LIFE    OP  [PART  VH* 

cannot  distrust  the  Lord,  for  he  supports  me  through  every 
thing.  This  morning,  as  I  was  in  prayer,  a  wonderful  sweet- 
ness came  over  my  soul ;  and  my  will  was  so  lost  in  the  will 
of  God  as  I  never  found  it  before.  I  saw  myself  perfectly  safe 
in  his  hand,  and  I  cannot  ask  either  for  myself  or  my  children 
any  thing  but  his  will.  My  dependence  on  the  Lord  is  entire. 
I  would  °not  have  a  choice  of  my  own  for  all  the  world.  He 
orders  every  thing  for  me,  small  and  great.  No,  I  want  nothing 
for  soul  or  body  but  by  his  order.  He  is  continually  telling 
me,  In  blessing  I  will  bless  thee.  O  how  sweet  is  that  word, 
'  There  is  no  complaining  in  our  streets  !'  No,  no,  I  cannot 
complain,  I  have  no  cause.  All  around  me  is  blessing,  and  the 
best  of  all  is,  my  heart  is  full  of  love.  O  love,  love!  Let  there 
be  nothing  but  love  in  my  soul." 

After  a  little  while,  she  said,  "  I  want  to  feel  the  change 
more  forcibly,  I  want  to  realize  heaven ;  I  do  not  seem  to  see 
glory  1"  I  replied,  Jesus  was  perfectly  holy,  yet  Ms  soul  was 
sorrowful  unto  death.  Holiness  is  not  to  be  measured  by- 
perfect  joy,  but  by  perfect  resignation.  You  can  see  Jesus,  and 
feel  no  will  but  his.  She  replied,  "  O  yes,  yes,  I  can  see  him, 
he  is  ever  with  me,  I  have  no  will  but  what  is  lost  in  God :  and 
I  am  waiting  the  accomplishment  of  many  glorious  promises 
which  have^pn  given  me." 

March  7.-=Bhe  told  me  her  cough  bad  been  very  bad,  and 
almost  constant ;  but,  said  she,  "  With  every  fit  of  coughing, 
the  Lord  gave  me  some  comfortable  word.  That  word  came 
with  great  power,  Not  a  sparrow  falls  to  the  ground  without 
your  Father."  She  added,  "  I  have  had  a  night  of  suffering 
and  of  comfort ;  all  my  sins  were  brought  before  me,  even  from 
my  infancy,  and  I  saw  in  myself  such  a  depth  of  the  fall  as  I 
cannot  put  into  words,  but  I  need  not  fear,  since  Jesus  saves 
me.  He  forgiveth  iniquity,  transgression,  and  sin,  and  I 
felt  it  was  so.  Afterward  that  word  was  applied,  '  Eye  hath 
not  seen,  nor  ear  heard,  neither  hath  it  entered  the  heart  of 
man  to  conceive  what  God  hath  prepared  for  them  that  love 
him ;'  and  O,  how  I  felt  it  was  prepared  for  me !  Yes,  he  hath 
prepared  a  place  for  me,  and  I  shall  be  with  him.  In  the  after- 
noon I  was  thinking  of  my  husband  and  children,  in  particular 
the  two  little  ones,  when'l  had  such  a  discovery  of  the  tender 
love  and  guardian  care  of  the  Lord,  as  took  away  every  anxious 
thought.  O  he  is  all  in  all  true,  I  would  not  take  them  out  of 
his  hand  for  the  world.  How  is  it,  when  I  lie  awake  for  hours, 
and  cannot  sleep,  nor  hardly  move,  I  can  lie  so  comfortable ! 
I  feel  such  a  rest  ia  God  as  sweetens  all."  She  desired  me  to 
return  thanks  to  all  her  dear  friends  who  had  shown  such  sym- 
pathy through  all  her  sufferings.  Thus,  like  a  truly  patient 
lamb,  she  laid  before  the  Lord  from  day  to  day,  longing  for  the 
happy  hour  of  admittance  into  glory.  As  her  outward  strength 


J>ART  VII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER. 

decayed,  her  love,  patience,  and  entire  resignation,  -B 
increased. 

April  12.— She  could  scarcely  speak,  her  throat  being  much 
affected,  as  well  as  her  lungs.  She  looked  on  me,  and  said,  »l 
am  very  ill,  but  happy  in  my  soul.  I  have  had  a  sweet  night. 
I  have  no  fear,  no  doubt ;  I  am  waiting  for  the  Lord."  Soon 
after,  she  began  to  change  for  death.  She  asked  to  be  lifted  up> 
in  order  to  tell  more  of  the  goodness  of  God,  but  could  not  form 
the  words  she  wanted  to  speak.  She  at  length  said,  "  I  have 
strong  confidence," — and  soon  after,  without  a  struggle,  she 
entered  into  the  joy  of  her  Lord. 

I  praise  the  Lord  for  the  measure  of  health  I  enjoy,  which, 
when  I  do  not  go  beyond  my  strength,  is  quite  comfortable! 
And  now,  my  Saviour,  shine  upon  my  soul,  and  tell  me  how  it 
is  with  that  ?  I  think  I  feel  my  dependence  more  singly  on 
Jesus,  more  weaned  from  earth,  and  more  athirst  for  the  whole 
mind  of  Christ.  Indeed,  there  are  moments  when  all  is  clear ; 
but  I  want  not  to  have  a  thought  but  such  as  is  approved  by  a 
smile  of  Jesus,  and  to  have  a  witness  constant  and  clear  that 
nothing  but  love  dwells  in  my  soul.  I  know  I  do  taste  of  pure 
love,  but  I  do  not  abide  in  Jesus ;  therefore  I  do  not  bring 
forth  much  fruit.  There  is  an  entering  into  rest  which  I  have 
of  late  been  particularly  led  to  ask  for ;  sometimes  it  seems 
near,  and  I  am  waiting  for  it  in  a  clearer  maflfcr  than  usual. 
Some  observations  which  I  read  the  other  day,  were  much 
blessed  to  me.  Speaking  to  a  mourning  soul,  the  author  says, 
"Make  God,  as  he  is  in  himself,  the  object  of  thy  joy,  without 
any  consideration  of  thyself  at  all.*  Let  your  soul  exult  in  that 
thought,  The  Lord  is  my  strength  and  my  song,  he  also  is 
become  my  salvation.  Observe,  the  Lord  is  then  strong  for 
and  in  you,  when  you  look  to  him  alone,  unmixed  with  any 
thing  else.  But,  on  the  other  hand,  when  the  eye  of  the  soul 
is  double,  looking  partly  for  a  fitness  in  itself,  the  light  is  put 
out,  as  it  is  said  of  our  Lord,  He  could  not  do  many  mighty 
works  because  of  their  unbelief.  This  looking  unto  Jesus 
is  both  an  emptying  and  a  filling  grace.  It  empties  the  soul 
of  self  and  the  creature,  and  fills  it  with  God.  It  is  a  trans- 
forming view ;  the  more  we  see  of  him,  the  more  we  shall  be 
like  him.  Does  he  not  tell  thee,  This  is  the  victory  whereby 
we  overcome,  even  our  faith  ?  Wouldst  thou  have  the  victory 
first,  and  believe  afterward  1  'But  I  am  conscious  of  idols  !' 
Then  plead  the  promise,  From  all  thine  idols  I  will  cleanse 
thee.  This  is  reaching  out  to  the  things  before.  '  But  I  fear 
I  am  not  willing  to  part  with  them.'  Perhaps  not ;  but  if  thou 
wilt  look  to  Jesus,  and  wait  at  his  feet,  and  tell  him  of  thy  help- 
lessness, he  will  so  shine  out  on  thy  soul  that  the  love  of  all 
other  things  shall  drop  off.  What  becomes  of  the  stars  when 

*  See  the  note  in  page  177. 
22* 


258  THE  LIFE  op  [PART  VIL. 

the  sun  shines?  Do  they  not  disappear  before  the  greater 
linrht  ?  So  shall  every  other  love  before  that  mighty  love  he 
will  pour  into  thee.  But  remember  thou  art  to  hold  fast  thy 
confidence,  which  hath  great  recompense  of  reward ;  for  ye 
have  need  of  patience,  that  when  ye  have  done  the  will  of 
God,  ye  may  receive  the  promise.  Now  this  single  eye,  this 
constant  act  of  faith,  glorifying  in  hope  to  the  end,  is  doing 
the  will  of  God,  and  thus  you  shall  receive  the  promise." 

November  13. — Yesterday  concluded  twenty-one  years  since 
I  joined  in  an  eternal  covenant  with  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher.  O 
what  advantages  I  have  had  through  my  union  with  some  of 
the  most  excellent  of  the  earth !  But,  alas !  how  little  have  I 
profited  to  what  I  might  have  done  !  I  have  this  morning  been 
crying  to  the  Lord  to  stir  me  up  to  more  faithfulness.  I  am 
now  in  my  sixty-fourth  year, — almost  at  the  end  of  my  race, 
and  the  great  work  of  an  entire  conformity  to  God  is  yet  to  be 
gained.  I  found  freedom  in  prayer,  so  that  an  hour  on  my 
knees  seemed  to  pass  as  quick  as  a  quarter  usually  does,  and 
I  hope  and  believe  I  shall  from  this  day  keep  up  the  intense 
desire. 

Sunday,  November  22. — Through  illness,  I  have  been  out 
but  once  this  day.  It  is  long  since  I  have  been  forced  to  miss 
a  meeting ;  but  I  find  all  right  my  Master  orders.  It  has  been 
a  good  Sabbatfr  to  my  soul.  I  was  truly  humbled  to  hear  how 
the  dear  people  wept  and  prayed  for  me  !  O  my  God,  let  that 
word  be  perfectly  fulfilled,  "  Then  shalt  thou  have  thy  delight 
in  the  Almighty,  and  shalt  lift  up  thy  face,unto  God."  As  I 
was  reading  chap,  xxxi  of  Genesis,  that  wonf  struck  me,  7  am 
the  God  of  Bethel !  Twenty  years  had  elapsed,  yet  saith  God, 
I  am  he  that  gave  thee  those  sweet  promises  in  that  place.  I 
arn  the  same  for  ever !  While  meditating  on  this,  it  seemed  as 
if  he  said  to  me,  I  am  the  God  who  told  thee,  Thou  shall  walk 
with  me  in  white.  Ah !  my  Lord,  I  hang  on  thee  with  a  firm 
belief.  Thy  words  are  tried  words,  purer  than  silver.  The 
Lord  will  keep  his  promise  for  ever. 

December  23. — I  was  much  struck  this  morning  in  reading 
at  the  time  of  family  prayer,  the  account  of  Jacob  wrestling 
with  the  angel.  I  felt  it  kindle  in  me  a  degree  of  ardour 
which  I  did  not  feel  before,  to  say  with  him,  I  will  not  let  thee 
go  unless  thou  bless  me, — yea,  with  the  full  communion  of 
thy  love. 

February  18. — I  have  been  confined  near  a  month,  and  only 
able  to  speak  in  a  low  whisper.  The  disease  is  supposed  to  be 
a  dropsy  in  the  chest.  I  am  sometimes  in  the  night  in  danger 
of  being  suffocated.  The  night  before  last,  I  was  very  bad  : 
and  aa  I  lay  waiting  in  peace  before  the  Lord,  that  word  was 
applied  with  unusual  power,  "  Call  upon  me  in  the  day  of 
trouble,  I  will  deliver  thee,  and  thou  shalt  glorify  me."  Ah ! 


PART  VII.J  MRS.  FLETCHER.  259 

my  Lord,  I  do  call  on  thee  for  more  grace,  but  I  cannot  ask 
te  or  death ;  I  love  the  dear  people,  and  feel  a  pain  in  leaving 
them ;  yet  I  can  only  commit  all  to  my  adorable  unerring  Head 
April  5.— Last  night  I  laboured  much  for  breath,  and  could 
not  lie  down.    I  saw  myself  encompassed  with  mercy  and  love 
As  1  was  reflecting  on  the  uncertainty  of  the  issue  of  my  com- 
lamt,  tne  thought  struck  me,  my  Lord  was  at  this  season  sold 
ato  the  hands  of  men,  who  strove  to  join  with  devils  to  afflict 
mm ;  and  if  kind  physicians  should  mistake,  and  make  me  suffer, 
I  may  be  said  to  be  given  into  the  hands  of  men,— but  not  with- 
out the  Lord.     These  words  were  sweet, 

"  I  fain  with  thee  would  sympathize. 
And  share  the  sufferings  of  my  Lord !" 

Ae  I  was  reflecting  that  I  had  nothing  to  plead  only 

'•'  Jesus  my  salvation  is, 
This  shall  stand,  and  only  this,"— 

a  dart  came  across  my  mind,— What  if  Calvinism  be- true? 

len  you  may  be  one  he  hates  !— Immediately  that  word  came 
'  He  hateth  nothing  that  he  hath  made,  his  mercv  is  over  all 
his  works."  Well,  rny  Lord,  this  I  plead,  7  am  thine,  save  me ! 
Give  me  to  glorify  thee,  through  the  fire,  and  through  water. 
1  he  tenderness  of  Miss  Tooth,,  whom  the  Lord  hath  sent  to 
me,  is  very  great. 

April  11.— The  Lord  hath  permitted  me  to  be  sorely  exer- 
cised through  the  want  of  breath.  The  night  before  last  I  was 
forced  to  sit  up  m  bed  till  four  o'clock.  Last  night,  blessed  be 
God,  the  fit  lasted  but  one  hour,  and  then  I  rested  comfortably. 
My  one  act  is  that  of  clinging  to  the  will  of  God. 

June  2.— Blessed  be  the  Lord,  he  hath  fulfilled  his  word.  He 
bids. me  "call  upon  him  in  the  day  of  trouble  ;"  and  in  mv 
deliverance  I  do  glorify  him,  and  acknowledge  his  dear  and 
powerful  hand.  I  have  been  for  some  time  restored  to  my  com- 
fortable meetings,  and  preserved  in  tolerable  health,  with  power 
to  he  down  in  peace,  and  take  quiet  rest.  O  that  this  late  dis- 
pensation  may  rouse  my  soul  more  abundantly  to  labour  after 
a  more  perfect  rest !  Lord,  establish  me  with  thy  free  Spirit ! 
This  morning  one  called  who  gave  me  the  following  extraor- 
dinary account :  "On  Saturday  I  had  that  word  applied,  'As 
the  Father  hath  loved  me,  so  have  I  loved  you,  abide  ye  in  my 
love.'  But  on  Sunday  night,  while  you  %vere  speaking  on,  HOVD 
we  ought  to  venture  on  Christ,  my  soul  was  greatly  lifted  up, 
my  faith  began  to  rekindle,  and  I  felt  extraordinary  power  all 
the  way  home.  At  family  prayer  my  soul  was  sweetly  drawn 
out.  Just  as  we  were  going  to  bed,  I  opened  my  Testament 
on  those  words,  'Ask  what  ye  will,  and  I  will  do  it  for  you.'  I 
felt  the  power,  and  thought,  I  will  not  go  to  bed ;  I  will  stay  and 
wrestle  with  the  Lord.  I  did  so ;  and  O,  what  did  I  feel !  I 


260  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  Vlf. 

have  often  had  glorious  times,  but  never  such  a  time  as  that. 
Those  precious  words  were  applied, '  You  are  sealed  to  the  day 
of  redemption.'  Since  then,*as  I  was  hearing  a  sermon  on  the 
New  Jerusalem,  I  had  such  a  glorious  sight  as  I  cannot  de- 
scribe !  I  cannot  tell  it  to  you."  I  asked,  Was  it  a  sight  of 
the  place,  or  of  the  Saviour!  He  answered,  "It  was  both.  I 
had  four  distinct  sights ;  I  saw  the  glory  of  the  Father,  the 
glory  of  the  Redeemer,  and  then  the  Redeemer  in  his  man- 
hood, as  covered  with  wounds : — and  also  the  Holy  Spirit  in  his 
glory,  ready  to  seal  every  soul  who  would  take  shelter  in  those 
wounds !  I  now  feel  my  soul  all  on  the  watch.  I  seem  as  if  I 
feared  to  speak  or  move,  lest  I  should  in  any  wise  grieve  that 
Holy  Spirit." 

My  soul  was  much  comforted  at  hearing  this.  Ah !  Lord, 
hast  thou  begun  ?  Then  thou  wilt  go  on.  I  do  now  believe  an 
outpouring  of  thy  Spirit  will  soon  be  given,  and  "  times  of  re- 
freshing shall  come  from  the  presence  of  the  Lord."  This 
man  had  a  taste  of  pure  love  some  months  ago,  but  lost  it 
through  unprofitable  reasonings.  Ever  since  his  first  awaken- 
ing, he  has  been  a  pattern  to  others,  and,  I  believe,  never  lost 
liia  first  love.* 

July  4. — When  I  awoke,  I  found  those  words  applied,  "Pray 
without  ceasing,  and  in  every  thing  give  thanks."  This  morn- 
ing, reflecting  on  them  while  in  prayer,  the  whole  passage 
seemed  to  be  applied  to  my  heart,  "  Rejoice  evermore,  pray 
without  ceasing,  and  in  every  thing  give  thanks,  for  this  is  the 
will  of  God  in  Christ  Jesus,  concerning  you."  The  last  words 
made  a  deep  impression,  "  concerning  you ;"  and  I  take  it  as 
a  message  from  heaven.  Lord,  give  me  power  to  fulfil  this 
sweet  direction  ! 

July  18. — A  few  nights  since  those  words  seemed  continual- 
ly with  me, 

"  In  all  my  ways  his  hand  I  own, 
His  ruling  providence  I  see." 

The  next  day  a  change  took  place  in  my  house,  and  several  cir- 
cumstances occurred  in  church  affairs.  O  what  a  comfort  was 
that  sentence  to  me  !  Yes,  my  Lord,  I  do  see  thou  dost  order 
all  things,  and  on  thee  I  rest. 

August  19. — This  last  week  has  been  very  solemn.  Eighteen 
years  my  dear  husband  has  been  in  glory.  O  !  how  has  each 
day  brought  its  remembrance !  O  carry  on  thy  work  in  my 
soul  with  more  power  !  I  cannot  have  much  longer  to  remain 
here.  I  see  and  feel  thy  gracious  hand  extended  over  me  for 
good,  and  I  long  for  a  full  conformity  to  my  Lord. 

November  12.— ^This  day  twenty-two  years,  at  this  very  hour, 

*  It  is  with  great  propriety  that  Mrs.  Fletcher  bears  this  testimony  concerning 
Ihe  spirit  and  conduct  of  d  person  who  was  favoured  with  such  manifestation* 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  261 

I  was  in  Batley  church,  solemnly  engaging  to  be  one  soul,  one 
body,  one  interest,  with  my  beloved  husband  for  ever !  But 
what  have  I  seen  in  these  twenty-two  years?  What  deep 
waters  have  I  passed  through  1  I  have  been  brought  through, 
and  mercy  hath  followed  me  to  tliis  hour.  On  this  day  I  devote 
myself  afresh  to  God.  Let  our  wedding  day  be  a  fresh  conse- 
cration unto  him  who  is  the  centre  of  our  union !  A  little  be- 
fore my  dear  love's  last  illness,  he  indulged  a  train  of  thoughts 
on  what  I  should  do,  and  how  I  should  live  without  him.  He 
spoke  tenderly  of  my  marrying  again  ;  but  finding  I  could  not 
bear  the  thought,  he  said  no  more.  Since  his  death,  the  light 
hath  always  shone  quite  clear  on  my  soul,  that  I  was  not  called 
to  join  in  marriage  with  any  man  on  earth,  but  to  preserve  the 
privileges  of  a  single  life,  which  are  so  graciously  bestowed 
upon  me.  Satan  has  spared  no  pains  to  trouble  me  in  this  way , 
but,  blessed  be  the  Lord,  my  light  in  this  hath  never  been  dark- 
ened one  moment.  I  am  the  Lord's,  and  he  hath  opened  my 
way  before  me,  and  still  makes  my  cup  run  over  with  loving 
kindness  and  mercy.  «  Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  all  that 
is  within  me  bless  his  holy  name." 

November  14. — In  meeting  the  people  on  Sunday  morning, 
I  was  struck  with  that  thought,  "  The  mind  is  to  the  soul  what 
the  mouth  is  to  the  body."  I  must  take  in  food  or  lose  my 
strength ;  but  if  I  take  poison  I  must  die.  Nay,  if  I  avoid  poi- 
son, but  yet  feed  on  wood  and  chaff,  I  shall  as  surely  die.  So 
the  mind  is  the  mouth  of  the  soul ;  and  though  I  should  start 
at  any  thought  apparently  sinful,  yet  if  I  starve  it,  instead  ot" 
continually  endeavouring  to  draw  the  sincere  milk  of  the  word, 
I  still  sow  to  corruption,  and  what  I  sow,  that  I  ifhall  reap. 
Then  let  me  fix  my  eye  on  the  great  mystery  of  'God  made 
man  !  Why  did  God  become  man  ?  It  was  man  by  whom  the 
covenant  was  broken,  and  therefore  man  must  have  suitable 
punishment  laid  upon  him.  It  was  God  with  whom  it  was 
broken,  and  therefore  God  must  have  suitable  satisfaction  made 
unto  him.  And  as  to  that  satisfaction,  it  was  man  that  had 
offended,  therefore  it  was  man  alone  that  could  make  it  suita- 
ble. It  was  God  that  was  offended,  and  therefore  it  was  God 
alone  that  could  make  it  sufficient.  Now,  being  man  as  well 
as  God,  it  behoved  him  to  fulfil  all  righteousness,  to  keep  tho 
whole  law  in  the  perfect  manner  required  by  the  Adamic  dis- 
pensation :  yet,  as  being  God  co-equal  with  the  Father,  it  was 
not  from  duty,  but  merely  upon  our  account,  that  he  thus  sub- 
jected himself  to  the  yoke  of  his  own  laws,  himself,  as  God, 
being  the  Lawgiver,  and  so  no  more  under  it  than  the  Father 
himself.  Whatever,  therefore,  Christ  did  or  suffered  in  the 
flesh,  was  meritorious,  and  the  believer  has  accepted  it.  Mr. 
Wesley  observes,  in  his  note  in  the  sermon  on  The  Lord  our 
Righteousness,  This  obedience  of  Christ,  as  it  was  infinite, 


262  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VII, 

pure,  and  perfect,  did,  without  doubt,  infinitely  transcend  all  the 
obedience  of  all  the  sons  of  men,  even  if  they  had  remained  in 
their  primitive  state ;  for  their  obedience  would  still  have  been 
but  the  obedience  of  finite  creatures,  whereas  the  obedience  of 
Christ  was  the  obedience  of  one  who  was  truly  God  as  well  as 
man,  by  which  the  laws  of  God  had  a  divine  obedience  perform- 
ed to  them.  They  could  command  no  more  than  the  obedience 
of  finite  creatures ;  whereas  the  obedience  of  Christ  was  the 
obedience  of  one  who  was  the  infinite  Creator,  as  well  as  a 
finite  creature ;  and  by  this  he  hath  purchased  for  us  a  far 
greater  salvation  than  if  man  had  net  fallen.  As  our  Head  he 
hath  also  entered,  yea,  as  our  Forerunner,  into  that  glorious 
union  with  the  Deity  which  we  could  never  have  known  but  by 
the  Word  being  made  flesh,  and  performing  this  righteousness 
in  our  behalf.  Now  this  transcendent  glory,  called  the  joy  of 
the  Lord,  we  are  called  to  enter  into — to  be  heirs  of  God,  and 
joint  heirs  with  Christ.  As  himself  hath  said,  The  glory 
which  thou  hast  given  me,  I  have  given  them. 

December  3. — This  day  three  years  my  dear  Sally  entered 
glory.  O  that  I  may  be  permitted  to  share  with  her  the  inhe- 
ritance of  the  saints  in  light .'  I  think  I  do  enjoy  it  in  a  mea- 
sure, for  it  is  amazing  to  me  how  calm  and  comfortable  my 
mind  is  kept,  and  how  the  Lord  doth  provide  help  for  me  in 
every  circumstance.  I  have  nothing  to  do  but  prepare  for  death. 
O  for  a  constant  look  upward  ! 

March  3, 1801. — I  have  a  deep  conviction  on  my  mind  to-day 
of  that  truth,  The  heart  of  man  always  seeks  rest  in  something; 
therefore  thoughts  that  please,  and  that  have  not  the  appear- 
ance of  evil  in  themselves,  yet  if  they  are  unnecessary,  they 
may  lead  to  a  seeking  rest  out  of  God.  Here  I  have  found  S&- 
tan  very  busy,  and  am  often  forced  to  cry  out,  "  I  will  know 
nothing  but  Jesus  Christ,  and  him  crucified."  My  heart  is  much 
in  expectation  of  a  closer  union  with  my  God  than  I  have  ever 
known.  I  wait  for  the  Lord. 

April  26. — Glory  be  to  God.  I  find  him  near ;  he  seems  to 
be  sitting  on  my  soul  as  a  refiner's  fire,  and  so  calling  every 
•thought  into  judgment  as  I  never  found  before.  We  have  had 
very  sweet  times  of  worship  lately.  The  Lord  is  indeed  car- 
rying on  his  work,  blessed  be  his  name ;  and  I  trust  this  meet- 
ing of  the  children  will  be  for  good.  In  this,  Miss  Tooth  is 
made  of  great  use  to  me.  O  my  tender  Father !  Thou  dost 
not  suffer  me  to  want  any  thing. 

June  17.— Help  me,  O  my  Saviour !  It  seems  as  if  I  could 
not  get  those  answers  to  prayer  which  I  want.  Yet  he  gives 
me  little  touches, — some  tokens  for  good,  before  I  rise  from  my 
knees.  But  O  !  it  is  not  what  I  long  for.  Such  a  sight  I  have 
of  late  into  that  word,  Let  that  mind  be  in  you  that  was  in 
Chritt  Jesus  ?  O  how  much  is  contained  therein !  Yet  I  see 


PART  VII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  263 

it  is  my  privilege,  for  so  I  see  the  privilege  held  out  by  St. 
John,  "Herein  is  our  love  made  perfect,  that  we  may  have 
boldness  in  the  day  of  judgment,  because  as  he  is,  so  are  we, 
m  this  world."  I  find  many  have  been  blest  in  our  meetings 
lately ;  but  I  did  not  hear  of  it  till  several  days  after  the  time. 
And  hence  it  has  been  a  season  of  temptation  and  discourage- 
ment with  me.  I  thought  what  I  had  said  was  so  short  of  what 
ought  to  have  been  spoken,  that  all  the  next  week  I  felt  a  deep 
conviction,  that  unless  the  Lord  put  words  into  my  mouth,  and 
gave  power  with  them,  no  good  would  be  done.  I  even  feared 
that  the  Lord  did  not  approve  of  my  calling  the  people  together, 
when  there  was  no  one  but  me  to  speak  to  them.  Yet  I  knew 
well  that  all  the  good  done  upon  the  earth  is  the  Lord's  doing, 
and  that  he  can  work  by  the  meanest  instrument.  However, 
this  was  the  conclusion,  I  must  ask  and  wrestle  for  every  meet- 
ing, public  and  private,  and  hang  by  faith  on  Christ  alone, 
believing  that  word,  "It  is  not  you  that  speak,  but  the  Spirit  of 
your  Father  which  speaketh  in  you."  On  last  Monday  night 
I  felt  the  answer.  Then  I  had  great  freedom,  and  I  cannot 
tell  how  many  have  since  praised  God  for  the  blessing  brought 
into  their  souls  that  night.  I  can  do  nothing  without  much 
prayer. 

July  10. — We  have  had  an  awful  affair  at  a  pit  hard  by. 
Three  young  men  were  killed  outright.  The  following  Sunday 
they  were  buried,  and  it  was  computed  that  more  than  a  thou- 
sand persons  attended  their  funeral.  Mr.  Walter  took  the 
opportunity  to  speak  to  them,  I  trust  not  without  effect.  As 
some  had  been  burnt  in  that  pit  not  long  before,  the  master  or- 
dered the  tools,  &c,  to  be  brought  up,  declaring  he  would  have 
no  more  coal  got  there,  at  least  for  a  time.  Accordingly  a  man, 
one  of  our  exhorters,  who  was  an  overseer  of  the  work,  went 
down  with  his  eldest  son,  a  fine  youth  about  sixteen,  and 
some  other  men.  Just  as  the  overseer  got  in,  the  vapour 
caught  fire  again,  killed  his  son,  and  a  boy  who  was  with  him, 
and  most  dreadfully  burnt  himself  and  another  man.  Here  was 
a  trial  indeed  !  Both  himself  and  his  wife  much  delighted  in 
that  son,  who  was  carried  home  dead,  and  himself  not  likely  to 
Jive  an  hour.  His  wife,  who  had  a 'child  at  her  breast,  fainted 
away,  and  for  some  time  it  was  not  known  which  would  die 
first.  But  the  Lord  supported  them  both  by  his  almighty  power ; 
and  the  man  was  so  filled  with  the  love  of  God,  in  his  greatest 
extremity  of  pain,  that  he  has  been  a  wonder  to  all.  He  de- 
-•ared,  that  the  Lord  did  so  make  his  bed  in  his  sickness  that 
he  could  feel  no  will  but  that  of  God ;  and  in  that  will  he  did 
glory !  The  other  person  who  was  burnt  was  a  young  man 
that  had  a  few  years  ago  some  desires  after  true  religion,  but 
of  late  he  had  wholly  fallen  back.  Between  the  two  there  was 
k  striking  contrast.  The  young  man  was  all  terror,  and  shrieked 


264  THE  LIFE  Of  [PART  VII. 

dreadfully.  He  had  no  comfort  in  pain,  and  no  pleasant  pros- 
pect if  it  should  end  in  death.  O  what  need  have  we  to  use  the 
present  hour !  Lord,  give  us  unceasing  prayer !  O  let  us  live 
in  the  constant  view  of  eternity !  It  is  hoped  both  the  men  will 
recover. 

August  27. — Glory  be  to  God !  I  daily  prove  he  is  faithful- 
ness and  love.  A  few  mornings  ago  I  awoke  with  that  word, 
"As  thy  day,  so  shall  thy  strength  be."  I  did  not  take  par- 
ticular notice  of  it  then ;  but  yesterday,  through  an  uncommon 
providence,  I  was  called  to  go  through  such  fatigue  as  to  me 
seemed  impossible.  Yet  I  was  carried  through  all  with  such 
ease,  both  as  to  body  and  mind,  as  amazed  me.  O  let  me  learn 
by  all  to  live  without  fear,  for  I  have  in  thee,  O  Lord,  such  a 
treasure-house  as  will  always  supply  my  every  want.  There  is 
no  room  for  fear  or  care.  No,  "the  government  is  on  thy  shoul- 
der." All  the  weight  lies  there,  and  my  business  is  to  sing  and 
praise  all  the  way  through. 

November  9. — Many  mercies  am  I  surrounded  with ;  and 
though  I  have  many  infirmities  of  body,  yet  they  are  so  held  as 
with  a  bridle  that  I  do  not  suffer  much,  and  am  able  to  attend 
all  my  appointments.  I  see  all  right ;  to  be  sure  there  are  cir- 
cumstances which  would  once  have  been  a  cross,  but  I  am  fully 
convinced  all  comes  through  my  Saviour's  hand,  and  therefore 
I  know  all  shall  work  for  good.  I  see  my  situation  well  suited 
for  growing  in  grace,  and  I  do  grow,  but  O  that  it  were  faster ! 
I  remember  a  time  when  I  rather  shrunk  at  repeating  that  line 
of  the  hymn, 

"Give  me  to  feel  an  idle  thought, 
As  actual  wickedness ;" 

but  truly  I  do  now  feel  it  so.  I  eee  the  need  there  is  of  being 
all  eye,  not  only  against  what  appears  evil,  but  also  what  is 
called  innocent,  but  is  really  useless.  Last  week  I  received  a 
letter  from  Leeds,  informing  me  of  the  death  of  Sister  Crosby. 
I  had  a  few  days  before  received  one  from  her  own  hand,  a 
very  precious  one ;  and  observed  on  it  how  her  eyes  and 
strength  held  out,  though  ten  years  older  than  I.  Her  call  was 
sudden, — but  one  day's  illness  ;  during  which  she  was  kept  in 
faith  and  love,  and  departed  (as  it  appeared)  in  her  sleep  in  the 
evening.  A  mother  in  Israel  hast  tliou  been,  and  thy  works 
shall  praise  thee  in  the  gates. 

November  12. — This  day  is  particularly  solemn  to  me.  It  is 
just  twenty-three  years  this  morning,  both  by  the  year  and  by 
the  day,  since  I  was  at  this  very  hour  going  to  Batley  church, 
to  give  my  hand  to  my  dearly  beloved  Mr.  Fletcher.  O,  what 
fears  did  I  feel,  lest  it  should  be  a  step  out  of  God's  way !  The 
light  I  had  before,  seemed  that  morning  to  be  quite  obscure  ; 
but  as  eoon  as  it  was  over,  the  light  broke  out  on  my  soul,  and 
it  hath  shone  clearer  and  clearer  ever  since.  Blessed  be  God 


TART  VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  265 

ihat  I  ever  took  that  step!  It  was  the  Lord  that  brought  us 
together,  and  joined  us  in  an  eternal  union !  Nor  do  I  find 
that  union  any  less ;  nay,  it  is  at  this  moment  far  greater  than 
on  that  day.  O  that  I  were  more  spiritual !  then  I  should  par- 
take more  fully  of  the  inheritance  which  he  enioys  in  the  kinff- 
dom  of  our  Father. 


PART   THE  EIGHTH. 


HER  DECLINING  TEARS. 

January  1,  1805. 

AND  now  another  year  is  gone  !  Lord,  what  shall  I  say  T 
Have  I  got  nearer  to  thee  1  In  some  things  I  have ;  but  ah  ! 
Lord,  show  forth  thy  mighty  power,  and  lift  me  above  all ! 
Make  "my  feet  as  hinds'  feet,"  that  I  "may  tread  on  the  high 
places,"  and  never  let  in  a  thought  that  doth  not  lead  to  thee  ! 
In  the  last  month,  on  the  seventh  day,  my  dear,  my  only  sister, 
was  called  to  her  eternal  rest.  We  had  not  seen  each  other 
for  some  years,  but  constantly  wrote  all  our  minds  and  every 
concern  to  each  other.  Providence  had  thrown  us,  as  to  habi- 
tation, far  asunder.  In  her  last  hours  she  expressed  faith  and 
resignation,  and  that  she  was  waiting  for  the  coming  of  the 
Lord,  and  repeatedly  begged  me  to  give  her  up.  I  cannot  but 
rejoice  in  her  escape  from  suffering  to  eternal  bliss,  though  the 
remembrance  of  our  early  pilgrimage  is  ever  present  to  my 
rnind.  Her  kind  concern  for  me  she  has  shown  by  leaving  me 
fifty  pounds  a  year  for  life.  Some  time  since  it  seemed  pro- 
bable I  should  lose  thirty  pounds  a  year,  and  in  that  case  I 
must  draw  back  the  help  I  give  to  some  particular  persons  and 
affairs  ;  and  now  the  Lord  hath  taken  care  for  that  also.  O, 
how  faithful  is  my  God  !  Eternity  seems  very  near ;  my  breath 
grows  shorter,  and  my  strength  begins  to  fail.  Well,  the  will 
of  God  is  all ;  and  it  is  all  my  desire  that  it  may  be  perfectly 
done  in  me. 

February  23. — I  have  had  views  of  my  past  life  lately,  which 
seem  to  have  discovered  a  depth  of  the  fall  of  which  I  was  not 
conscious.  These  openings  endear  the  Saviour  abundantly. 

0  how  little  did  I  know  myself  when  the  Lord,  who  knew  me 
thoroughly,  was  heaping  blessings  upon  me,  and  inviting  me  to 
his  bosom !     Some  years  since,  a  person  with  whom  I  was  in- 
timate, and  who  meant  well,  was  certainly  very  imprudent. 
Some  of  the  blame  fell  on  me,  though  I  was  quite  clear.     But 

1  feared  the  reproach,  and  in  order  to  justify  myself,  I  told 

23 


266  THE  LIFE  Of  [PART  Vm. 

many  of  the  particulars  which  were  not  necessary,  and  thus  f 
rather  aggravated  the  circumstances.  I  was  afterward  much 
pained.  The  other  night,  as  I  lay  in  bed,  it  all  came  before 
me.  I  was  nearly  crushed, — until  those  words  gave  me  some 
relief,  "They  to  whom  much  is  forgiven,  love  much."  O  my 
gracious  Lord,  let  this  be  fulfilled  in  me  !* 

This  morning  in  prayer,  and  afterward  in  reading  the  second 
and  third  chapter  of  the  Colossians,  I  felt  much  encouragement. 
This  day  I  could  not  but  observe,  that  a  power  had  rested  on 
my  mind  ever  since  Sunday,  which  had  kept  off  the  enemy 
when  he  would  approach ;  and  if  a  thought  would  strive  to 
creep  in,  I  felt  as  if  my  faithful  Lord  gave  me  instantly  a  check, 
and  excited  me  to  beware.  All  these  days  I  have  seen  such 
various  mercies  as  I  cannot  express.  Truly  I  can  say, 

"  In  all  my  ways  his  hand  I  own, 
His  ruling  providence  I  see." 

I  was  greatly  struck  last  night  by  hearing  of  a  young  woman 
who  was  to  have  been  married  next  Monday.  One  of  her  un- 
godly companions  on  the  pit  bank,  asked  her  where  she  intend- 
ed to  keep  her  wedding1?  She  profanely  answered,  "In  hell." 
Soon  after,  being  at  her  work  near  the  mouth  of  the  pit,  her 
foot  slipped,  she  fell  in,  and  was  dashed  to  pieces  !  This  and 
some  other  things  which  have  lately  occurred  of  the  same  kind, 
seem  to  Irave  brought  eternity  very  near.  O  how  important  is 
every  moment. 

October  12. — Come,  Lord  Jesus,  and  give  me  the  complete 
victory  !  Last  Sunday  was  a  time  of  power  to  many,  as  they 
have  since  told  me.  This  day  I  have  been  pleading  with  the 
Lord  to  take  me  altogether  into  his  hand.  O,  what  a  struggle 
it  is  to  keep  faithful  in  rejecting  useless  thoughts  !  O,  how  hard 
never  to  offend  with  the  tongue ! 

December  13. — Glory  be  to  God  for  many  mercies  since  I 
wrote  last.  Some  peculiar  answers  to  prayer  I  must  relate. 
The  rich  hardly  enter  into  the  kingdom,  and  therefore  we  the 
more  abundantly  praise  him  in  behalf  of  Mrs.  B.  and  Mrs.  E. 
Mrs.  B.  was,  by  nature,  remarkable  for  a  worldly  spirit,  a  lion- 
like  temper,  and  being  hard  to  please.  She  had  also  used  the 
means  of  grace  for  several  years,  without  bearing  fruit.  About 
two  years  ago  her  health  began  to  decline ;  and  soon  after, 
conviction  began  to  fasten  on  her  soul,  though  her  complaint 
did  not  appear  dangerous.  Her  cry  was,  for  the  comforts  of 
•religion,  and  she  wondered  why  she  could  not  feel  them  as 
others  did.  I  clearly  saw  she  was  still  unawakened,  though 
somewhat  enlightened.  We  prayed  for  her,  and  with  her;  and 

*  How  afflicting  to  a  pure  conscience  does  any  transgression  of  the  law  of  love 
appear,  even  after  it  has  been  forgiven,  and  the  corrupt  principle  removed  froni 
Uie  soul.— ED. 


VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  267 

in  u  few  months  she  began  to  feel  she  was  a  sinner.  Her  dis- 
order  also  grew  extremely  painful ;  but  her  cry  now  was,  "  O, 
I  hope  the  Lord  will  not  take  away  my  pain  tih  he  sees  I  shall 
not  grow  hardened  again.  O,  what  a  Gospel-hardened  sinner 
have  I  been  !  I  have  sat  under  the  strongest  truths  ;  and  all 
The  time  the  world  had  my  heart.  Sometimes  I  did  feel  too ; 
but  as  soon  as  I  came  home,  all  was  gone.  Yes,  I  had  rather 
have  my  pain,  bad  as  it  is,  than  be  Gospel-hardened  again." 
She  continued  mourning  a  long  time,  often  saying,  I  can  get 
no  answer — no,  not  the  least  answer, — yet  I  hope  too.  Those 
words  of  the  hymn  are  often  on  my  mind, 

"  I  the  chief  of  sinners  am, 
But  Jesus  died  for  me." 

We  now  began  to  discern  a  great  change.  The  lion  wae  lost 
in  the  dove  and  the  lamb.  She  continued  to  increase,  by  de- 
grees, in  her  confidence.  Sometimes  she  found  such  a  hold  of 
the  Saviour,  and  such  overflowing  love,  as  if  she  could  never 
fear  more.  TKen  conflicts  would  return,  but  her  fa'ch  grew 
more  firm,  till,  at  length,  her  peace  was  unshaken.  For  along 
time,  either  Miss  Tooth,  or  myself,  have  seen  her  continually, 
and  witnessed  the  mighty  change  which  was  wrought  on  her. 
One  only  darling  child,  a  nice  house  just  built,  and  many  other 
ties  she  had  to  hold  her  here  ;  out  all  was  but  as  a  grain  in  the 
balance  in  her  account.  She  had  truly  sold  all  for  the  pearl 
of  great  price,  and  in  the  possession  of  that  she  was  content, 
and  proved  to  the  last  moment  that  she  was  a  new  creature. 

The  other  I  shall  give  in  Miss  Tooth's  own  words.  "  Oc- 
tober the  3d,  Mrs.  M.  acquainted  me  with  the  illness  of  Mrs. 
E.  expressing  a  wish  that  I  would  see  her,  as  it  was  too  far  for! 
Mrs.  Fletcher.  I  went  the  next  morning,  and  found  her  very 
weak,  but  desirous  of  help  for  her  soul.  She  told  me,  she  hud 
for  some  time  been  convinced  there  was  no  happiness  but  in 
religion.  I  endeavoured  to  point  her  to  the  source  of  all  con- 
solation, the  atoning  Lamb  of  God,  who  is  ever  ready  to  receive 
conscious  sinners.  When  I  had  prayed,  and  was  leaving  her, 
she  expressed  herself  in  a  most  grateful  manner,  thanking  me 
for  my  kindness  in  coming  to  see  her,  and  begged  to  be  remem- 
bered to  Mrs.  Fletcher,  adding,  '  How  happy  are  the  people 
who  receive  instruction  from  ner.'  She  had  attended  Mrs. 

M 's  school,  and  therefore  was  accustomed  to  Mrs.  Fletcher's 

meetings.  The  next  time  I  saw  her,  I  read  Mr.  Fletcher's  two 
letters  to  Miss  Ireland,  who  died  of  the  same  complaint — a 
consumption.  She  seemed  much  affected  the  whole  time  w« 
•were  together.  After  prayer  I  entreated  her  not  to  rest  satis- 
fied with  any  comfort  she  might  feel,  but  to  be  earnest  with  the 
Lord  for  a  clear  manifestation  of  hie  love  to  her  soul.  The 
next  time  I  went,  Mr.  E.  being  at  home,  I  could  not  see  her, 
the  being  quite  averse. to  it.  However,  I  went  again,  and  now 


268  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VIM, 

all  ray  fears  were  done  away.  O  what  a  change  had  taken 
place  !  the  new  song  was  indeed  put  into  her  mouth,  even  of 
praise  and  thanksgiving  unto  our  God.  As  soon  as  I  came 
to  her  bed  side,  she  reached  out  her  hand,  saying1,  '  I  am  glad 
to  see  you.'  I  answered,  So  am  I,  my  dear,  to  see  you.  and  I 
trust  you  have  had  some  gracious  visits  from  the  Lord  since 
we  met  last.  She  answered,  '  O  yes,  many,  many.'  Then 
looking  earnestly  at  me,  she  said,  '  That  is  a  sweet  word, 
Whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth,  and  scourgeth  every 
son  that  he  receiveth !  And  you  know  St.  Paul  saith,  These 
light  afflictions  which  are  but  for  a  moment,  shall  work  out 
for  us  a  far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of  glory.' 
Then  with  her  arms  thrown  up,  as  in  a  rapture  of  delight,  she 
repeated,  '  A  far  more  exceeding,  a  far  more  exceeding !  O, 
it  is  not  possible  to  tell  you  what  I  feel  in  those  words.'  I  said, 
My  dear,  you  have  now  a  sweet  foretaste  of  that  enjoyment 
you  will  shortly  have  in  full  possession.  '  O  yes,'  replied  she, 
'  that  is  the  thing,  that  is  the  thing !  I  am  now  so  sure  I  shall 
be  happy !  Yes,  die  when  I  will,  I  am  sure  I  shall  be  eternally- 
happy  !  But  it  is  no  merit  of  mine  ;  no,  it  is  nothing  I  have 
done.  No,  no,  it  is  Jesus  Christ  hath  died  for  me !  that  is 
the  comfort.  O  Miss  Tooth,  that  is  the  comfort,  Jesus  Christ 
hath  died  for  me !'  Yes,  I  replied,  that  will  never  fail  you. 
The  Lord  has  been  very  gracious  to  you,  and  when  I  get  home 
and  tell  dear  Mrs.  Fletcher,  how  will  she  praise  the  Lord  for 
this  !  She  then  cried  out,  «  O  beg  her  to  pray  for  me.  As  long 
as  I  am  here  I  hope  she  will  not  forget  me.  I  have  had  those 
words  very  much  on  my  mind,  Be  ye  also  ready,  for  at  an  hour 
that  ye  think  not  the  Son  of  Man  cometh.'  With  great  so- 
lemnity, she  repeated,  '  at  an  hour  ye  think  not.'  I  said,  You 
can  now  praise  the  Lord  that  he  did  not  call  you  at  an  hour 
when  you  thought  not  of  him.  '  O  yes,'  said  she,  '  I  praise  him 
for  it.  I  praise  him  also  every  hour  for  this  affliction :  this 
light  affliction.'  She  again  expressed  much  love  to  Mrs. 
Fletcher,  and  said,  '  I  shall  see  her  in  glory.'  She  parted 
from  me  in  words  of  heavenly  love,  and  triumphant  joy.  Soon 
after  she  desired  one  present  to  read  the  burial  service,  to  which 
she  listened  with  great  attention ;  but  when  they  came  to  those 
words,  Thanks  be  to  God  who  hath  given  us  the  victory 
through  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  she  was  transported,  and 
shouted  aloud  the  high  praises  of  her  Saviour,  who  had  given 
her  the  victory.  '  I  .have  it,  I  feel  it,'  she  cried  out !  And  in' 
the  same  heavenly  triumph  she  departed,  and  entered  her 
heavenly  Father's  house." 

January  23,  1806. — Blessed  be  the  Lord  I  feel  an.  encou- 
raging hope,  that  this  will  be  the  best  year  of  my  life.     \  ani'f 
waiting  for  my  Lord  to  come  and  make  my  heart  his;love<i-. 
abode,  the  temple  of  indwelling  God.  •  ft  how  sweet  IP  the 


PART  VIII.J  MRS.   FLETCHER.  269 

-ommunion  of  saints,  when  we  meet  with  those  who  are  all 
alive,  or  who  are  thirsting  so  to  be!  but,  alas!  how  rare  are 
they  found  !     Last  Tuesday  we  had  brother  H.  to  preach  here 
I  found  him  a  man  of  God  indeed ;  both  his  sermon  and  his 
prayers  had  much  unction.     We  had  some  comfortable  conver- 
sation after  supper.     His  words  tended  to  raise  faith  and  love 
in  our  souls.     Among  other  profitable  particulars,  he  mentioned 
one  manifestation :  it  was  as  follows  :— In  his  sleep  he  thought 
lie  was 'going  to  die,  and  pleaded  that  the  Lord  would  give  him 
the  meetness  for  glory.     After  a  time  it  was  spoken  to  his 
neart,  "  It  is  done,  it  is  done ;"  and  he  felt  it  was  so,  and  found 
himself  filled  with  the  heavenly  mind.     Then  he  saw  angels  all 
round  his  bed, — one  in  particular  of  great  beauty  at  the  foot. 
He  thought  himself  dying,  and  lay  with  great  delight  waiting 
the  event.     It  then  appeared  to  him  he  drew  his  last  breath, 
on  which  the  beautiful  angel  at  the  foot  of  the  bed,  clasped 
him  in  his  arms,  and  conveyed  him  to  the  heavenly  gates, 
which,  as  he  stood  before  them,  appeared  very  glorious.     The 
angel  then  touched  the  gates,  which  immediately  flew  open, 
and  such  streams  of  glory  came  out,  as  seemed  to  constrain 
him  to  draw  back  some  paces,  as  being  a  greater  delight  than 
he  could  yet  bear ;  but  presently  he  went  forward  and  entered 
the  holy  city.     There  he  saw  an  innumerable  company  of 
glorified  spirits,  and  the  patriarchs  in  a  circle.     Next  to  that 
circle,  he  saw  another,  of  the  prophets ;  and  within  that,  all 
the  apostles.     He  then  cried  out,  "  But  where  is  Jesus  ?"    The 
adorable  God-man  then  appeared  in  view  !  which  sight  filled 
his  soul  with  joy  inexpressible ;  and  he  observed  beams  of  glory 
which  proceeded  from  our  Lord,  and  touched  every  one  of  the 
glorified  spirits,  showing  how  all  their  glory  sprang  from  their 
union  with  the  supreme  Good.     His  ecstacy  was  now  so  great, 
he  cried  out,  and  shouted  the  name  of  Jesus  till  he  awoke 
He  told  me  that  for  about  three  days  he  scarcely  knew  where 
he  was,  his  soul  was  so  wrapt  up  in  the  heavenly  vision.    I 
felt  my  soul  much  refreshed  by  his  conversation. 

Sunday,  March  30. — On  Tuesday  night  I  dreamed  I  was 
sitting1  by  a  table,  on  which  lay  the  large  volume  of  my  dear 
Mr.  Fletcher's  Life.     I  was  at  that  time  very  thoughtful  about 
i  the  printing  of  his  Works,  fearing  any  thing  should  be  done 
that  he  would  not  approve.     He  came  into  the  room,  but  I  did 
.'.ot  look  up,  and  being  desirous  to  be  alone,  I  went  into  the 
next  room,  and  sat  down.     He  called  to  me  with  his  own  well 
known  voice,  saying,  "  What,  art  thou  so  afraid  of  me  as  to 
go  out  of  the  room  as  I  come  in  ?"    I  started  up  and  cried, 
No,  my  dear,  I  am  not  afraid  of  thee.    I  then  returned,  and 
Jsat  dbwn  m  my  chair  by  the  table ;  he  sat  on  the  other  side. 
*Rieri  -taking  up  the  book  he  said,  "  There  is  no  need  for 
anxiety  ,  I  would  have  thee  read  this  book,  it  will  give  thee 
23* 


270  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  Vllf. 

pleasure.  Take  it  up  now ;  thou  wilt  find  something  that  will 
encourage  thee."  Two  days  after,  I  received  a  letter  from  Mr. 
Benson,  informing  me,  that  a  person  in  London  had  translated 
Mr.  Fletcher's  French  poem  into  English,  and  they  had  some 
thought  of  printing  it  with  his  other  works,  if  found  to  be  done 
in  a  respectable  manner.  Then  J  understood  that  my  dear 
love  told  me  of  it,  in  order  to  prevent  the  uneasiness  I  should 
l^ve  felt  had  he  not  shown  a  degree  of  approval.  I  had  no 
recollection  of  the  poem ;  and  that  he  should  know  I  had  not 
read  the  Life,  and  thus  comfort  me  under  the  anxiety  which  I 
felt,  was  very  pleasing  to  me.  O,  how  indulging  is  my  hea- 
venly Father ! 

May  24.-^A  thought  has  much  dwelt  on  my  mind  for  some 
days, — That  we  should  many  times  in  a  day,  ask  ourselves, — 
Am  I  how  causing  joy  or  grief  in  heaven  1  We  are  told  there 
is  joy  in  heaven  over  the  sinner  that  repenteth,  and  by  parity 
of  reason,  over  the  advance  of  every  child  of  God.  Those 
words  (spoken  of  our  Lord)  follow  me  much,  In  all  their 
afflictions  he  was  afflicted.  He  hath  taken  our  whole  nature, 
and  so  will  abide  eternally.  But  his  passions  are  all  regulated 
by  the  divine  nature.  So  in  the  case  of  Lazarus  it  is  said,  he 
groaned  in  spirit,  and  troubled  himself.*  It  appears  then — 
that  he  looks  with  delight  or  with  mourning  on  his  children. 
It  is  said,  "  As  a  bridegroom  rejoiceth  over  his  bride,  so  will 
the  Lord  thy  God  rejoice  over  thee ;  he  will  rest  in  his  love. 
He  will  joy  over  thee  with  singing."  And  the  idea,  that  by 
turning  away  from  this  hurtful  thought,  I  am  giving  pleasure 
to  my  Saviour,  and  resisting  Satan,  is  a  very  animating  con- 
viction ;  but,  alas,  I  cannot  express  it  in  words :  it  is  as  if 
Jesus  said,  "  My  desire  is  toward  thee ;  let  me  not  lose  one 
thought." 

June  3<X — Blessed  be  the  name  of  the  Lord  for  the  answers 
to  prayer  I  have  experienced  of  late  !  One  above  all  the  rest 
demands  my  loudest  praise  !  I  have  long  been  crying  for  my 
soul  to  be  all  eye,  so  that  I  should  discern  an  unprofitable 
thought  in  its  approach, — and  now  I  have,  for  one  particular 
day,  felt  this  power  continually  for  about  a  month.  I  do  not 
mean  that  my  thoughts  do  not  wander  from  the  various  objects 
which  occur  ;f  but  if  a  thought  would  present  itself  so  as  to 
take  up  the  mind  unnecessarily,  in  a  moment  I  am  warned  and 
enabled  to  stand  upon  my  gu.ard.  O  my  adorable  Saviour! 
come  and  fully  possess  my  soul,  and  give  me  such  a  measure 
of  thy  enlightening  spirit  that  I  may  clearly  discern  the  things 
which  are  given  me  of  God ! 

Monday,  July  7.— Last  night  when  I  came  out  from  the 
Society  meeting,  I  found  a  letter  from  London,  informing  me 

*  In  the  original  it  is  so. — ED. 

t  See  Mr.  Wealey'a  admirable  sermon  on  wandering  thoughts. —Bit,    »».^ 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  271 

of  the  death  of  my  dear  brother  Samuel,  who  died  about  eleven 
in  the  forenoon,  on  Friday  last,  the  4th  of  this  month.  I  have 
iiad  much  encouragement  in  my  mind  about  him  for  some  days, 
and  so  have  some  of  my  spiritual  friends.  His  death  seems  to 
bring  eternity  very  near. 
August  14. — Three  seven  years  have  I  walked  in  widowhood. 

0  what  a  situation  was  I  in  this  day  twenty-one  years !     What 
trials  have  I  since  known,  but  what  mercies  also !     Yes,  my 
gracious  Lord,  I  find  thou  dost  order  all  for  me !     This  day  I 
renew  my  covenant  to  be  all  the  Lord's.    I  know  not  what 
bitter  cups  may  yet  be  preparing  for  me,  but  I  here  cast  myself 
wholly  into  thy  hands !     My  body  is  weak  with   age,   and 
threatened  with  many  painful  disorders ;  but  I  leave  all  to  thy 
adorable  will.     Miss  Tooth  seems  threatened  with  a  consump- 
tion.    This  would  be  an  unspeakable  loss,  for  she  takes  off  all 
care  from  me,  and  is  in  every  way  an  abundant  comfort  and 
help;  but  this  I  also  offer  up  to  thee,  my  Lord. 

September  12. — This  day  I  enter  into  my  sixty-eighth  year. 
None  of  my  family  have  lived  to  my  age.  Lord,  what  shall  I 
do  to  live  more  abundantly  to  thee  ?  O  that  I  may  take  up 
every  cross,  and  embrace  it  as  a  precious  jewel !  O,  the  great 
advantage  of  living  in  the  will  of  God  ! 

November  12. — A  memorable  day  to  me  !  This  day  twenty- 
five  years  I  gave  my  hand  to  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher.  O,  what 
a  oneness  of  soul  do  I  feel  with  him  still !  Lord,  give  me  the 
meetness  to  partake  of  that  joy  he  lives  in  ! — I  have  of  late 
been  convinced  it  would  help  my  faith  to  consider  deeply  what 
great  loving  kindness  and  guardian  care  I  have  experienced 
from  the  Lord,  since  he  hath  taken  my  dear  partner  to  glory. 

1  may  say  indeed,  goqdness  and  mercy  hath  followed  me  all 
my  days.     What  a  mercy  that  this  house  is  still  my  home  I. 
The  vicar  might  have  wanted  it  himself,  or  he  might  wish  to; 
let  it  to  some  other  person.     But  in  this  Mr.  Burton  hath 
shown  me  much  kindness,  as  also  Mr.  Kenerson,  the  patron  ; 
may  God  bless  them  for  it,  and  give  them  both  everlasting 
habitations !    At  this  time  I  feel  rny  soul  drawn  out  after  a, 
closer  union  with  the  Lord. 

February  13, 1807. — Though  offences  will  come,  yet  we  have 
great  cause  to  be  thankful  that  the  work  prospers.  Since  the 
beginning  of  this  year  we  have  had  seven  triumphant  deaths. 
One  of  them  was  Mrs.  B.  When  I  first  saw  her  she  was  an, 
object  of  great  pity.  She  had  lived  in  affluence,  but  was  re- 
duced almost  to  beggary.  She  had  no  bed.  I  procured  a  little 
one  for  hert  and  she  praised  the  Lord  abundantly.  She  had 
for  more  than  half  a  year  laid  on  the  ground.  "  It  was,"  said 
she,  "  very  hard,  and  my  bones  were  sore ;  but  I  enjoyed  such 
<;«^munion  with  God,  it  bore  me  above  all."  She  lias  suffered 
seusJi  for  many  years,  but  always,  had  the  consolations  of  God. 


272  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  vnr, 

and  sometimes  very  abundant.  A  few  weeks  before  her  death, 
when  her  son  came  home  one  day,  she  said,  "  I  have  had  such 
a  manifestation  of  the  love  of  God  as  I  cannot  describe.  I 
think  if  I  was  in  heaven  I  could  not  enjoy  more  than  I  do!" 
This  continued  with  her  to  the  last.  She  was  one  of  the  Lord's 
hidden  jewels  indeed,  little  known  or  noticed  among  men.  Her 
appearance  was  mean,  but  she  was  glorious  within.  Another 
was  a  child  not  twelve  years  old,  the  son  of  W.  Smith.  He 
had  a  long  and  severe  illness,  during  which  the  Lord  brought 
him  to  rest  in  the  will  of  God  to  a  degree  which  amazed  those 
about  him,  and  much  comforted  his  parents.  Some  time  before 
his  death,  he  had  a  wonderful  manifestation  of  the  love  of  God. 
He  cried  out  to  his  father  and  mother, — to  be  all  in  earnest. 
"  It  is,"  said  he,  "  worth  your  while.  O,  what  do  I  see !  how 
pretty  !  how  sweet !  how  grand !  how  glorious  !"  Then,  as 
conversing  with  the  Lord,  he  said,  "  Lord  Jesus,  shall  I  come 
now?  Shall  I  come  now  ?  1  want  to  be  with  thee.  Let  me 
come  now  !"  He  became  silent  for  some  time ;  then  he  said, 
•'Not  now,  I  must  suffer  longer."  Three  or  four  times  after 
this  he  had  glorious  manifestations.  In  one  of  them,  he  told 
his  father  how  his  soul  had  been  grieved  to  see  their  workmen 
play  and  trifle. — "  Sure,"  said  he,  "they  forgot  that  God  sees 
them  every  moment ;  and  when  I  think  of  backsliders,  it  makes 
my  heart  ready  to  bleed  to  think  there  are  any  who  do  not  love 
Jesus."  He  pointed  to  a  chest  of  drawers  and  said,  "  Father, 
if  those  drawers  were  full  of  gold,  I  would  not  take  it  for  what 
I  feel  and  see."  When  near  death,  as  he  sat  in  the  chair,  (for 
he  could  not  lie  down  nor  lean  back,  for  want  of  breath,)  he  told 
them  how  happy  he  was,  and  yet  how  very  bad.  He  then  said, 
"  Father,  put  the  pillow,  I  will  try  to  lean  back."  When  this 
was  done,  he  cried  out,  "Triumph!  triumph!"  He  then  fell 
mto  a  sweet  sleep  for  about  three  quarters  of  an  hour ;  when 
turning  his  face  on  one  side,  he  died  without  any  struggle. 
The  others  all  died  in  clear  light,  but  I  have  not  the  particulars. 

March  5. — Glory  be  to  God,  I  see  more  and  more  his  tender 
care  is  over  me  and  mine.  I  have  .had  a  time  of  trial  from 
Miss  Tooth's  illness  this  last  fortnight,  but  much  mercy  was 
mixed  with  judgment.  Lord,  spare  her,  if  it  please  thee !  Thou 
knowest  I  have  need  of  her  help ;  but  thy  will  is  the  arm  of  the 
rock  I  cling  to  when  the  waves  go  over  my  head,  and  I  know 
that  rock  will  never  fail  me. 

A  thought  has  struck  my  mind,  That  from  some  things  men- 
tioned in  the  notes  subjoined  to  the  Portrait  of  St.  Paul,  edited 
by  Mr.  Gilpin,  after  my  dear  husband's  death,  he  might  be 
thought  to  favour  the  opinions  of  Baron  Swedenburg.  I  there- 
fore think  it  my  duty  to  bear  my  witness  to  the  contrary.  The 
first  book  which  he  saw  contained  but  little  amiss,  and  Mr. 
Wesley  having  observed  concerning  it, — "  I  think  it  will  neither 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  273 

do  good  nor  harm,"— Mr.  Fletcher  soon  after  writing  to  his 
brother,  who  had  mentioned  it,  observed,  that  it  was  a  book 
which  he  did  not  condemn.  But  when  he  had  seen  a  little 
more  of  the  Baron's  works,  he  said  to  me  one  day,  "  Polly,  I 

believe  Mr. will  be  a  Swedenburger,  and  I  am  very  sorry 

for  it."  I  said,  Well,  if  he  can  believe  that  there  are  wax 
candles  and  feasts  in  heaven,  he  must  have  strange  ideas.  Mr. 
Fletcher  replied,  "  My  dear,  thou  dost  not  perceive  the  snake 
in  the  grass.  These  books  deny  the  atonement,  and  so  strike 
at  the  very  root  of  all  true  religion."  In  the  same  mind  he 
continued  to  the  last. 

April  3. — I  feel  within  these  few  days,  a  drawing  nearer  to 
the  Lord ;  and  a  loving  recollection  of  his  presence  to  be  the 
element  in  which  alone  my  soul  can  grow.  I  feel  an  increasing 
expectation  that  the  Lord  will  come,  and  take  up  his  abode  in 
my  soul.  That  verse  in  Jeremiah,  ch.  xxxii,  is  much  on  my 
mind,  "  I  will  make  an  everlasting  covenant  with  them,  that  I 
will  not  turn  away  from  them,  to  do  them  good ;  but  I  will  put 
my  fear  in  their  hearts,  that  they  shall  not  depart  from  me. 
Yea,  I  will  rejoice  over  them  to  do  them  good,  and  I  will  plant 
them  in  this  land  assuredly  with  my  whole  heart,  and  with  my 
whole  soul."  I  look  now  hourly  for  this,  that  according  to  my 
former  promise,  I  may  "  feed  on  Carmel  and  Bashan,"  and  my 
soul  be  satisfied  in  a  close  communion  with  God. 

August  14. — This  day  twenty-two  years  my  dearly  beloved 
husband  entered  glory.  When  I  awoke  this  morning,  the  first 
thought  presented  to  my  mind  was, — How  has  my  soul  grown 
in  these  twenty-two  years  ?  I  felt  a  deep  sinking  before  the 
Lord,  that  it  had  not  grown  more  abundantly.  I  am  sensible 
of  a  progress,  but,  alas !  it  is  very  small  when  compared  with 
what  might  have  been.  I  place  in  Jesus  my  whole  confidence. 
My  hope  is  in  him  as  my  great  high  priest,  and  those  words 
are  very  sweet  to  me,  "  The  author  and  finisher  of  our  faith." 
O  my  adorable  Saviour,  I  am  as  the  clay  in  thy  hand  ;  make 
me  such  a  vessel  as  thou  shalt  choose  me  to  be  !  Some  things 
have  occurred  which,  years  ago,  would  have  been  a  great  trial. 
But  I  now  see  and  feel  a  great  beauty  in  the  cross ;  and  have 
such  evident  proof  that  he  orders  all,  that  I  can  leave  all  my 
oares  in  his  hand. 

September  11. — If  I  live  till  to-morrow  I  shall  be  sixty-eight 
years  old,  and  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  would  on  that  day  h:ive 
been  seventy-eight.  O  how  long  has  he  been  in  glory  before 
me !  He  was  ripe,  and  sweetly  gathered  into  the  garner.  Lord, 
prepare  thy  poor  creature  to  follow  him.  I  have  had  my  niece 
Whittingham  (my  dear  sister's  daughter)  with  me  for  some 
time,  whom  I  had  not  seen  since  she  was  twelve  years  old.  I 
have  found  much  satisfaction  in  the  interview.  Blessed  be 
God  for  the  work  wrought  on  her  soul,  and  for  the  pious  bus- 


274  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VHfi 

band  the  Lord  hath  provided  for  her.  How  much  better  is  she 
off  than  if  she  had  remained  in  the  world  !  Truly,  "  Godliness 
hath  the  promise  of  this  life,  and  of  that  which  is  to  come."  I 
am  surrounded  with  blessings  ;  I  want  no  earthly  comfort.  O 
that  I  had  a  more  grateful  heart. 

December  15. — I  have  been  a  fortnight  laid  aside  from  a  bad 
cold,  and  much  weakness  on  my  lungs  ;  but  what  cause  have  I 
to  praise  the  Lord  !  I  have  experienced  his  tender  care  in  many 
ways.  One  night,  when  more  ill  than  before,  I  was  offering 
up  my  soul  and  body  for  time  and  eternity,  into  the  hand  o? 
my  gracious  Redeemer,  and  longing  for  a  fuller  preparation  for 
that  day,  which  I  saw  could  not  be  far  off;  and  being  hardly 
able  to  keep  in  bed  for  want  of  breath, — I  found,  all  at  once,  as 
if  I  were  surrounded,  or  overshadowed  with  a  sweet  and  sacred 
power !  I  cannot  describe  it ;  but  I  felt  as  if  I  was  so  encircled 
by,  and  drawn  into  the  presence  of  God,  that  nothing  could 
approach  to  hurt  me  !  I  said,  Not  a  thought  can  arise  "to  dis- 
turb my  beloved  till  he  please."  It  lasted  about  half  an  hour, 
ai.d  showed  me  how  easy  the  Saviour  can  inclose  the  soul  as 
an  island  in  the  midst  of  the  sea  ! 

December  31. — O  my  God,  how  do  I  close  this  year !  I  am 
still  confined  to  my  chamber,  and  mend  but  slowly.  But  I  feel 
the  Lord  is  at  work  on  my  soul.  I  pant  for  a  more  lively  faith, 
and,  blessed  be  God,  I  found  an  increase  since  this  illness. 
Truly,  he  makes  all  my  bed  in  my  sickness,  and  keeps  me  night 
and  day. 

January  1,  1808. — And  do  I  see  the  beginning  of  another 
year  ?  Yes,  my  Saviour !  thou  dost  yet  spare  me.  I  have  been 
some  time  in  a  near  prospect  of  death.  O  that  I  may  use 
•:very  moment  to  gain  more  of  thy  likeness  !  I  cannot  be  far 
from  eternity.  O  my  God,  make  me  ready !  I  have  not  been 
able  to  begin  this  year  with  the  dear  people  as  usual,  being  still 
confined,  yet  mercy  is  in  all  my  cup.  How  light  are  my  pains 
compared  with  others ! 

February  9.— Blessed  be  the  Lord,  he  hath -wonderfully 
renewed  my  strength  !  I  have  been  out  these  three  weeks,  and 
have  gone  through  my  meetings  in  the  week  as  before ;  and, 
praised  be  the  Lord  !  I  feel  greater  liberty  than  ever.  The 
other  day  I  found  among  some  old  papers  a  few  lines  I  wrote 
many  years  ago.  They  were  blest  to  me  ;  and,  as  I  hope  they 
will  be  a  blessing  to  others,  I  transcribe  them. 

Saturday,  July  18,  1761.— We  had  a  good  time  at  the  meet- 
ing this  morning,  at  brother  Biggs's.  Mr.  Fletcher  was  with 
us ;  and  as  I  was  speaking  of  my  discouragements,  he  said,' 
"  Make  more  use  of  Jesus.  The  reason  why  you  find  a  spark ;* 
of  faith  and  love,  when  you  repeat  those  words,  '  On  thine 
arrn  do  I  trust,' — which  you  do  not  feel  at  other  times  is,  be- 
cause at  that  time  you  make  an  act  of  faith :  but  you  do  net 


*A'RT  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCfitER.  275 

continue  that  act  of  faith,  which  is  the  reason  you  do  not  always 
feel  the  same.  If '  our  anchor  is  cast  within  the  veil,'  we  must 
be  casting  it  farther  and  farther,  that  we  may  draw  our  souls 
nearer  and  nearer  to  God.  There  is  nothing  which  draws  my 
soul  to  God  like  the  consideration  of  his  love  to  me ;  it  is  on 
that  I  must  fix  my  eyes,  and  when  I  feel  my  heart  has  wan- 
dered, and  I  am  cold  and  dead,  and  unable  to  wateh  and  pray, 
this  is  my  method, — I  return  just  as  I  am  to  Christ,  and  cast 
myself  again  on  his  mercy,  pleading, — Thou  art  the  righteous- 
ness of  the  ungodly,  the  strength  of  the  weak,  the  helper  of  the 
helpless ;  thou  art  the  friend  of  sinners ;  in  short,  he  is  the  God 
of  fallen  man."  He  again  observed, — "He  doth  not  require 
us  to  stay  for  a  broken  heart ;  for  what  would  repentance  avail  if 
he  did  not  work  it'?  We  also  lose  much  for  want  of  thankfulness. 
We  should  praise  God  for  every  good  desire  we  feel,  though, 
perhaps,  as  yet,  we  have  not  power  to  put  it  in  practice." 

Mr.  Maxfield  was,  at  that  time,  a  very  blessed  instrument 
among  us,  and  great  power  attended  his  word.  Although  very 
painful  things  afterward  occurred.*  I  do  not  think  myself  clear 
unless  I  bear  a  testimony  to  that  truth.  I  took  down  a  few  par- 
ticulars of  a  sermon  of  his,  which  I  will  here  repeat. 

Sunday,  November  2,  1761. — Mr.  Maxfield  preached  on  the 
history  of  the  Israelites  taking  Jericho.  He  observed, — "  By 
what  is  said  of  Jericho,  we  may  be  instructed  concerning  the 
evils  contained  in  our  hearts. — It  was  the  '  Captain  of  the  Lord's 
host,'  by  whose  command  Joshua  acted, — and  this  Captain  was 
our  Lord  Jesus,  who  still  goeth  before  every  one  who  believes 
in  his  name."  But,  added  he,  "there  is  one  thing  very  mate- 
rial to  observe, — '  Jericho  was  straitly  shut  up,  none  went  out 
and  none  came  in.'  Now,  is  this  the  case  with  your  hearts  ! 
Are  you  watching  over  your  ear,  youv  eye,  your  tongue  *  An; 
you  careful  neither  to  see,  hear,  nor  speak  any  thing,  but  what 
tends  to  draw  your  souls  to  God  ]  Many  of  you  will  perhaps 
ask,  why  did  not  the  walls  of  Jericho,  my  corrupt  heart,  fall 
before  the  Lord,  as  I  have  been  seeking  so  many  years }  I  will 
tell  you  why, — your  Jericho  is  not  'straitly  shut  up.'  It  may 
be  that  every  idle  story  your  neighbour  brings  to  your  ears,  or 
foolish  imagination  Satan  suggests  to  your  minds,  finds  a  ready 
entertainment,  and  your  minds  are  filled  with  unprofitable 
thoughts,  which,  like  a  crowd,  get  between  you  and  your  Sa- 
viour. You  might  seek  thus  for  ten  thousand  years,  and  be  no 
nearer.  Every  thought  that  doth  not  tend  toward  God,  if  in- 
dulged, stops  the  work  of  sanctification ;  and  you  will  never 
.; advance  toward  holiness,  till  you  exert  with  resolution  the  power 
"  which  God  hath  given  you,  in  resisting  steadfastly  every  thought 
and  word  which  would  come  between  your  soul  and  Christ. 

*  lie  separated  from  Mr.  Wesley,  and  did  much  harm  in  the  Loudon  Society. 
—En. .. 


276  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  V1JI. 

But  those  who  are  thus  watching  and  keeping  their  hearts,  so 
that  nothing  can  find  entrance  till  it  be  examined,  and  known 
from  whence  it  comes, — let  them  take  courage.  I  am  sure 
your  souls  thus  waiting,  will  not  wait  long  before  your  '  Joshua 
will  command  them  to  shout !'  Only  let  them  believe,  and  con- 
tinue to  watch.  The  Israelites  were  bid  not  to  shout,  nor  make 
any  noise,  till  they  were  commanded ;  and  when  that  moment 
should  come  was  known  only  to  Joshua.  They  believed  and 
followed.  So  let  us  hang  by  a  simple  faith  on  Jesus,  listening 
every  moment  what  his  Spirit  shall  dictate  to  our  hearts ;  for 
'the  Captain  of  the  Lord's  host'  is  with  us,  and  'he  hath  his 
sword  drawn  in  his  hand'  to  conquer  all  our  adversaries.  And 
though  you  feel  your  sinful  tempers,  be  not  discouraged,  for 
the  inhabitants  of  Jericho  were  not  only  alive  to  the  last,  but 
in  full  strength.  When  the  power  of  faith  comes,  the  strong 
walls  of  unbelief  shall  drop  down,  and  you  shall  go  up  and  pos- 
sess the  good  land  !  How  little,  and  idle,  it  would  appear  in 
the  eyes  of  these  enemies,  thus  to  walk  round  the  walls,  blow- 
ing rams'  horns  !  So  we  think  our  labour  and  spiritual  striving 
avail  nothing ;  but  only  let  us  continue  to  cut  off  every  word  or 
thought  which  would  give  food  to  the  old  man,  and  thus  obey, 
in  firm  reliance,  that  '  our  Joshua  will  be  the  author  and  finisher 
of  our  faith,'  and  we  shall  find  him  'faithful  who  hath  promised, 
who  also  will  do  it.' " 

March  3. — This  was  a  good  morning  to  me ;  the  Lord  was 
very  present  when  I  awoke ;  and  I  had  such  a  view  of  the  all- 
sufficiency  of  the  Saviour  as  I  cannot  express !  Such  a  safety 
in  trusting  in  his  arm  alone  !  That  thought  struck  me, — Many 
great  kings  have  said,  "  I  have  no  cause  to  fear,  for  I  have  vast 
armies,  great  allies,"  &c.  But  O  what  a  fly  did  it  all  appear 
to  me,  when  compared  to  the  power  I  felt  in  that  simple  word, 
"Jesus  is  on  my  side!" 

March  18. — Yesterday  I  found  an  increase  of  faith.  Owhat 
repeated  proofs  I  have  that  the  Lord  doth  watch  over  his  poor 
creature  with  guardian  care !  I  had  something  to  do  in  the 
work  of  God  which  was  attended  with  difficulty;  and  yet  I 
scarcely  knew  how  to  go  out  in  the  sharp  east  wind.  But  O, 
how  was  every  thing  ordered !  I  found  also  such  liberty  in 
visiting  the  sick,  as  if  every  word  was  immediately  given  me. 
I  had  such  a  view  into  the  way  of  faith, — and  the  atonement 
was  made  so  clear,  as  I  cannot  express.  I  saw  also  the  Lord's 
tender  care  in  a  variety  of  other  occurrences.  What  a  freedom 
from  care  hath  the  soul  who  singly  trusts  in  Jesus  ! 

March  29.r— I  cannot  be  thankful  .as  I  would  for  the  restora- 
tion of  health  which  I  feel.  Cold  as  it  is,  I  have  been  enabled 
to  keep  to  all  my  meetings, — seven  or  eight  times  a  week ; 
and  my  nights  are  as  comfortable  as  when  I  was  but  twenty. 
I  feel  no  complaint  of  my  breath,  when  still,  no*  in  "bed.  O 


PART  VIII.]  MftS.   FLETCHER.  277 

that  I  might  use  all  my  little  strength  to  the  glory  of  God !  I 
see  death  very  near,  notwithstanding  this  amendment. 

On  looking  over  my  journal,  I  miss  some  observations  which 
I  wrote  on  the  death  of  my  dear  father  in  Christ,  Mr.  Wesley, 
lihink  I  must  have  mislaid  that  sheet,  or  perhaps  lent,  and  so 
lost  it.  However,  I  wish  now  to  bear  my  testimony  to  the 
•  truth.  I  shall  have  cause  to  bless  God  throughout  eternity 
that  ever  I  knew  that  precious  and  highly  favoured  servant  of 
the  Lord  Jesus.  He  was  indeed  a  star  in  the  Almighty's 
hand,  and  a  wonderful  instrument  of  good  to  our  nation. 
When  I  was  very  low,  after  my  dear  husband's  death,  amon£ 
the  many  gloomy  thoughts  which  came  to  my  mind,  one  was, 
that  I  had  not  so  profited  by*  Mr.  Wesley's  excellent  advice  as 
[  might  have  done ;  and  I  wrote  to  him  expressing  that  senti- 
ment ;  to  which  he  gave  me  the  following  answer :  "  My  dear 
sister,  I  do  not  remember  you  ever  disobliged  me  in  any  thing. 
On  the  contrary,  you  have  for  these  many  years  done  every 
thing  in  your  power  to  oblige  me."  Indeed  I  saw  it  my  duty 
so  to  do,  and  must  acknowledge  my  many  and  great  obligations 
to  that  great  and  good  man. 

May  26. — How  good  do  I  find  it  to  lie  quiet  in  the  hand  of 
Jesus  !  All,  all  works  for  good.  I  have  been  ill  with  a  cold 
three  weeks,  and  trust  I  am  laid  aside  for  a  season,  in  order  to 
gain  the  blessings  of  retirement.  Some  fatigues  which  have 
occurred  from  company  rather  threw  me  back.  The  provi- 
dence of  jGod  appeared  so  clear,  I  could  only  say,  O  how  true 
is  that  ward, 

"  Jesus  doth  ray  burden  bear, 
Jesus  takes  rny  every  care." 

Some  nights  when  I  could  not  lie  down  for  the  cough,  and 
want  of  breath,  I  felt  a  sweet  sense  of  the  presence  of  God, 
and  of  the  heavenly  spirits  !  Not  any  particular  rapture,  but  a 
solemn  consciousness  4  and  those  words  were  with  me  con- 
tinually, 

"  Do  what  thou  wilt  with  this  weak  clay, 
But  lot  me  all  thy  mind  fulfil, 
But  let  me  all  thy  will  obey." 

June  1. — Blessed  be  the  Lord,  I  am  better,  and  was  enabled 
to  meet  the  class  yesterday  morning,  though  I  spoke  with  diffi- 
culty. This  morning  I  have  found  an  increase  of  faith  in 
reading  the  10th  chapter  of  Hebrews.  O  that  perfect,  that, 
complete  sacrifice  !  Yes,  he  hath  once  for  all  paid  the  whole 
debt,  there  is  therefore  a  free  and  open  way  into  the  holiest ! 
I  see  death  so  near,  I  find  it  on  my  heart  to  pray  for,  and  take 
thought  of,  the  work  of  God  in  this  place.  O  my  Saviour, 
cause  it  to  increase  abundantly  !  Keep  away  stumbling  blocks; 
.and  pour  out  thy  Spirit  in  a  peculiar  manner  on  my  dear  ius- 
band's  orphans.  I  could  wish  Miss  Tooth  to  remain  in  Madelcy, 
1  454  '•• 


278  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  vin 

if  a  way  should  be  made  for  her,  and  that  she  might  be  able  to 
take  in  the  preachers.  I  can  see  no  other  way  so  likely  and 
proper ;  and  I  think  it  would  be  the  most  comfortable  for  them. 
All  is  in  the  hand  of  the  Lord.  She  has  the  cause  of  God  truly 
at  heart,  and  if  her  health  is  restored,  she  will,  I  believe,  be 
very  useful  to  the  people.  That  word  I  think  of  with  pleasure* 
All  things  are  beautiful  in  their  season.  So  I  trust  I  shall' 
find  it.  O  that  death  may  have  no  sting  for  me,  and  that  her 
way  may  be  opened  before  her  by  the  Lord ! 

August  4. — Having  been  told  by  several  persons  that  a  re- 
port has  got  abroad,  That  my  dear  Mr.  Fletcher  expressed  a 
sorrow  for  having  wrote  his  CHECKS  TO  ANTINOMIANISM,  and 
that  he  died  in  quite  a  different  opinion,  I  do  solemnly  aver 
there  is  no  truth  in  the  assertion.  So  far  from  that,  a  little 
before  his  death,  speaking  of  the  hurt  that  so  close  an  appli- 
cation had  caused  to  his  health,  I  said,  but  thou  dost  not  repent 
the  labour"?  He  replied,  "  O  no,  it  was  a  great  blessing  to  my 
soul.  And  if  my  strength  was  wasted  thereby,  it  was  in  the 
cause  of  truth."  I  never  knew  him  haye  the  least  variation 
in  his  sentiments  ;  and  I  am  sure  he  did  not  willingly  conceal 
any  part  of  his  mind  from  me,  any  more  than  I  did  from  him. 
;  I  had  this  morning  a  solemn  look  at  death.  Many  com- 
plaints seem  to  be  gathering  about  me,  and  they  seem  to  por- 
tend sufferings ;  but  I  feel  a  spirit  of  true  sacrifice,  and  those 
words  are  sweetly  on  my  mind, 

"  Leave  to  his  sovereign  sway 
To  choose  and  to  command, 
So  shall  thou  wondering  own  his  way, 
How  wise,  how  good  nis  hand !" 

August  17. — From  an  uncommon  hurry  of  strangers  being 
here,  and  other  circumstances,  I  have  had  no  time  for  writing 
in  my  journal,  though  I  should  have  liked  to  set  down  many 
things.  All  the  last  week  was  very  solemn ;  the  day  of  my 
dear  husband's  death  falling  on  the  Sabbath  this  year,  brought 
each  scene  to  its  own  period,  and  caused  me  frequently  to  look 
back  and  praise  the  Lord,  who  had  preserved  me  in  the  deep 
waters  through  which  1  at  that  time  passed.  I  had  a  most 
humbling  view  of  the  little  progress  I  have  since  made  ;  yet  I 
found  a  great  confidence  in  my  good  Shepherd,  whose  wise 
providence  I  have  seen  and  experienced  in  a  remarkable  man- 
ner. He  does  so  fit  my  strength  to  my  day,  and  orders  all  in 
such  wonderful  mercy,  that  truly  I  am  constrained  to  say, 
(unworthy  as  I  am,) — 

"  Round  me  and  beneath  are  spread 
The  everlasting  arms." 

September  12. — At  eight  o'clock  this  morning,  sixty-nine 
years  ago,  I  was  born.  HOW  many  dangers  I  have  passed 
through  !  But  thy  merciful  arm  has  been  over  me,  and  proved 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  279 

by  a  thousand  and  a  thousand  ways,  that  the  hairs  of  my  head 
are  indeed  numbered.  O  my  great  Deliverer !  how  hast  thou 
stood  by  me,  and  heaped  mercy  upon  mercy  on  me ! 

September  15. — I  feel  a  fresh  beam  of  light  upon  my  soul ! 
A  farther  discovery  of  the  extent  of  the  atonement.  On  Tues- 
day night,  when  at  prayer,  I  found  the  eye  of  faith  grow 
brighter,  and  the  open  fountain  more  plain  before  me.  O  the 
liberty  the  believer  hath  of  coming  every  moment  to  the  Sa- 
viour !  If  I  shut  my  eyes  I  may  fancy  the  sun  doth  not  shine  ; 
but  the  veil  is  not  on  the  sun,  but  on  my  eyes.  The  Saviour 
saith,  Whosoever  cometh  unto  me  I  will  in  no  wise  cast  out. 
Lord,  give  me  ever  to  feel  the  sense  of  this  truth  which  I  now 
do,  that  every  moment  I  may  wash  my  robes,  and  both  make 
and  keep  them  white,  for  thy  blood  cleanseth  from  all  sin. 

Blessed  be  God,  another  is  gone  to  her  rest,  our  dear  sister 
Benbow,  the  account  of  whom,  by  Miss  Tooth,  I  had  not  time 
before  to  enter.  "  From  what  Mrs.  Benbow  has  told  me,  I 
have  reason  to  believe  she  had  been  under  the  drawings  of  God 
from  her  earliest  youth.  Some  years  since  she  began  to  come 
to  the  Monday  meetings  at  Madeley.  These  she  found  so 
profitable,  that,  although  the  difficulty  was  great,  owing  to  her 
weakness,  she  would  still  persevere.  These  last  three  years 
she  has  been  confined  by  illness,  but  often  expressed  her  longing 
desire  to  be  at  those  opportunities  again,  if  the  Lord  should  per- 
mit. Upward  of  two  years  ago  I  went  to  see  her,  and  I  may  say, 
I  have  counted  it  my  privilege  and  honour  to  visit  her  at  every 
opportunity  since  that  time.  She  drank  in  instruction  from 
either  conversation  or  reading.  The  experience  and  death  of 
the  children  of  God  were  the  delight  of  her  soul.  Mr.  Fletcher's 
Letters,  and  his  Appeal,  were  much  blest  to  her.  Concerning 
the  latter  she  would  say,  '  Blessed  be  God  for  that  book,  for  it 
hath  taught  me  the  way  to  Jesus  by  faith.'  When  1  have  been 
reading  to  her,  observing  her  pain  to  be  so  violent,  I  have  for  a 
time  laid  the  book  aside ;  but  she  would  say,  '  No,  read  on,  it 
does  me  good  :  it  refreshes  me,  and  gives  me  encouragement. 

0  what  should  I  do  if  his  everlasting  arms  were  not  under- 
neath me ;  but  he  does  sweetly  support  me,  glory  be  unto  him.' 

"  She  suffered  great  pain,  even  to  agony,  yet  not  one  mur- 
muring word  was  heard  to  drop  from  her  lips.  In  one  minute 
she  would  be  crying  out  with  the  violence  of  the  pain, — the  next 
she  would  be  saying,  '  Thy  will  be  done,  my  sweet  Saviour !  I 
would  suffer  all  thy  will. 

"  I  the  chief  of  Binners  am, 
But  Jesus  died  for  me." 

1  feel  great  peace,  and  those  words  are  powerfully  applied,  / 
know  that  my  Redeemer  liveth.    I  can  eay  with  David,  Though 
my  flesh  and  my  heart  faileth,  God  is  the  strength  of  my  heart 
and  my  portion  for  ever*    O  that  word,  for  ever !    There  lu 


280  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VIII. 

something  so  sweet  in  that  word,  for  ever ."  Another  day,  a» 
i  entered  the  room,  she  cried  out  with  triumphant  joy,  '  His 
banner  over  me  is  love!  O  the  sweet  times  I  have  had  this 
last  week  in  reading  the  Scriptures  !'  Another  time,  as  I  was 
observing  the  power  of  divine  grace  in  loosing  the  heart  from 
earthly  attachments,  she  said,  'I  prove  that ;  for  time  was  when 
I  seemed  to  have  ten  thousand  ties  to  this  world,  but  now  I 
have  not  one.  Jesus  has  broke  every  chain."  Through  all  her 
sufferings  her  constant  language  was,  blessing  and  praising  the 
Lord  for  his  goodness ;  ever  declaring  all  her  trust  and  confi- 
dence was  in  the  atoning  Hood.  Often,  hi  the  midst  of  the 
most  exquisite  suffering,  she  would  enumerate  her  mercies, 
saying,  '  What  comforts  I  am  surrounded  with  !  Such  tender, 
affectionate  children  to  nurse  me  !  And  above  all,  the  prayers 
of  God's  people.  O,  I  cannot  tell  half  the  things  that  call  for 
thankful  praise.'  When  the  preachers,  or  Mr.  Walter,  visited 
her,  she  has  often  observed  to  me,  with  delight,  what  a  blessing 
it  was  to  her,  On  June  3,  she  told  me  she  had  neither  doubt 
nor  fear,  nothing  disturbed  her ;  and  though  in  the  most  violent 
pain,  she  cried  out,  '  Not  one  pain  less  !  I  would  not  have  one 
pain  less,  if  this  is  thy  will,  my  sweet  Lord  Jesus  !'  In  the 
night  of  the  7th  of  June,  she  waked,  and  said,  I  am  quite  well ! 
I  have  neither  ache  nor  pain.  Miss  Benbow,  who  sat  up  with 
her,  being  much  affected,  and  not  immediately  replying,  she 
again  cried  out,  Nancy,  I  have  neither  ache  nor  pain  !  Give 
praise  to  the  Lord!  O'give  thanks  to  God.  Miss  Benbow 
said,  'And  are  you  happy,  mother'?'  She  answered,  'Yes, 
quite  so.'  A  short  time  before  she  departed,  she  said,  '  Sweet 
Jesus,  come  quickly  !'  These  were  the  last  words  she  uttered. 
From  this  time  she  lay  with  a  smiling  countenance,  that  bespoke 
a  sweet  serenity  within  ;  and  at  the  last  she  went  off  so  quietly, 
yiey  could  scarcely  perceive  when  she  drew  her  last  breath, 
which  was  on  Thursday  morning,  June  9,  1808." 

November  12. — Memorable  day  to  me  !  This  day  twenty- 
seven  years  (the  day  of  my  marriage)  I  was  full  of  anxiety  at 
this  hour ;  but,  O  what  cause  have  I  had  to  rejoice  in  the 
transaction  of  that  day  1  As  the  morning  approached,  I  felt  a 
fresh  conviction — this  is  the  day  I  peculiarly  consecrate  to  my 
adorable  Lord ;  and  I  felt  it  good  to  wait  upon  the  Lord.  My 
faith  was  invigorated,  and  my  expectation  enlarged.  O  how 
little  doth  all  appear  to  me  that  is  not  eternity ! 

December  6. — I  have  been  called  since  I  wrote  last,  to  a  new 
dispensation.  I  had  more  than  two  months  been  lame  at  times 
with  my  right  knee,  yet  walked  about,  though  with  some  pain. 
But  some  days  since  it  grew  worse,  till  last  Thursday,  when  it 
was  so  well  I  could  walk  without  a  stick,  and  thought  myself 
cured.  That  night  as  I  was  going  to  bed,  in  a  moment  I  felt 
a  pain  in  it  which  rendered  me  quite  helpless.  How  it  will 


VIII.}  MRS.   FLETCHER.  281 

end  I  know  not ;  but  I  feel  a  sweetness  in  repeating,  "  My 
Father  cannot  err,  and  I  will  never  choose."  This  trial  has 
been  much  blest  to  me.  It  brings  eternity  near.  I  have  also 
had  a  deeper  conviction  of  the  need  of  a  more  earnest  pursuing 
after  entire  holiness,  and  my  mind  has  been  more  stayed  on 
the  Lord,  and  kept  in  more  abundant  peace.  I  knew  not  how 
I  should  be  got  out  of  the  chamber,  but  we  found  a  chair  with 
wheels,  which  would  go  through  the  doors,  so  that  I  can  be 
brought  in  and  out  of  the  study  ;  and  such  a  number  of  little 
helps  (but  to  me  great  ones)  has  occurred,  that  I  see  the  hand 
of  my  dear  Father  in  all  around  me  as  I  cannot  express. 

December  13. — Last  night  I  had  pain,  but  blessed  be  the 
Lord,  with  a  mixture  of  ease  and  rest.  My  complaint  is  said 
to  be  an  inflammation  on  the  knee  bone  ;  but  I  am  affected  in 
various  ways.  As  I  had  to  sit  up  in  bed  a  good  while  in  the 
night,  I  felt  it  profitable. 

December  26. — This  has  been  a  solemn  Christmas  to  me. 
Though  confined  to  my  room,  my  soul  has  been  on  a  stretch 
for  holiness,  especially  to-day.  0  what  cause  of  praise  !  How 
truly  is  that  promise  fulfilled,*  "Do  not  be  frightened,  God  will 
make  you  a  comfortable  habitation."  And  so  he  doth  indeed: 
and  that  other  word,  so  often  given  me  of  late,  "  As  one  whom 
his  mother  comforteth,  so  will  I  comfort  thee."  Yes,  I  can  rely 
on  his  dear  arm,  and  cling  to  his  will.  But  O  I  long  that  God 
should  take  up  the  whole  of  my  heart  as  his  abiding  throne ! 

March  20,  1809. — Yesterday  was  a  comfortable  Sabbath. 
The  Lord  carried  me  through  all  the  four  meetings,f  and  blessed 
me  with  his  gracious  presence,  glory  be  to  his  holy  name ! 
Reading  those  words  of  Baxter,  "  There  is  far  more  procured 
for  us  by  Christ,  than  we  lost  in  Adam," — I  felt  a  peculiar 
power  in  it ;  and  while  meditating  thereon,  I  said  in  my  heart, 
Then  how  great  may  our  expectations  be  !  Immediately  that 
word  came  to  my  mind,  Open  thy  mouth  wide  and  I  will  fill 
it.  O  my  God,  how  shall  I  comprehend  what  thou  hast  to 
bestow  !  O  for  more  of  that  sacred  -violence  which  takes  the 
kingdom  by  force. 

March  22. — We  had  much, hurry  yesterday,  but,  blessed  be 
God,  I  felt  great  calmness  all  day.  My  meditation  ran  much 
on  that  scripture,  He  that  receiveth  you  receiveth  me ;  and 
again,  Whatsoever  ye  do  to  one  of  the  least  of  these  is  done 
unto  me.  This  morning  feeling  some  symptoms  of  a  very 
painful  disorder,  I  was  offering  it  up  to  the  Lord,  that  he  might 
do  all  his  will  upon  me,  when  I  thought  of  those  lines, 

"  The  Lord  my  pasture  shall  prepare. 
And  feed  me  with  a  shepherd's  care ; 

*  See  page  138.  t  It  seems  she  had  now  recovered  from  her  iaraeneas, 

-Eo. 

24* 


282  THE   LIFE   OF  [PART  VIII. 

His  presence  shall  my  wants  supply, 
And  guard  me  with  a  watchful  eye : 
My  noon-day  walks  he  shall  attend, 
And  all  niy  midnight  hours  defend." 

I  felt  a  power  as  I  repeated  them,  but  afterward  doubly  so,  it 
was  given  me  as  my  own.  Yes,  my  faithful  Lord,  "  Thou  wilt 
not  suffer  me  to  be  tempted  above  what  I  am  able,  but  will  with 
the  temptation  make  a  way  to  escape,  that  I  may"  be  able  to 
bear  it.  I  feel  an  increase  of  both  faith  and  love.  Lord,  let 
me  grow  stronger  and  stronger  in  thee  ! 

April  5. — I  have  lately  received  some  particular  answers  to 
prayer.  Lord,  let  my  gratitude  bear  proportion  with  my  mer- 
cies !  I  have  been  now  able  to  go  out  for  several  weeks,  and 
to  attend  all  my  meetings,  often  very  comfortably,  even  eight 
or  nine  times  in  a  week.  My  breath  is  better  than  it  hath  been 
for  years ;  and  though  my  limbs  are  weak  and  stiff,  I  can  walk 
so  as  to  visit  some  sick  who  are  near  to  us,  and  go  up  and  down 
stairs  many  times  a  day :  blessed  be  the  Lord,  who  holds  all 
our  disorders  in  his  hand,  and  times  them  as  he  sees  good.  O 
that  I  may  use  all  my  remaining  strength  to  his  glory. 

April  26. — Glory  be  to  God,  I  have  felt  him  working  on  my 
soul  for  some  days,  an-d  drawing  my  mind  into  a  more  steady 
recollection.  Reading  the  account  of  Israel  passing  over  Jor- 
dan, I  was  led  to  reflect  that  I  had  nothing  to  do  but  believe, 
and  follow  the  JLord,  and  all  difficulties  would  vanish  out  of  my 
way  in  spiritual  things,  as  they  have  done  in  temporal.  He 
will  fulfil  all  his  gracious  promises.  Yes,  my  faithful  Saviour, 
I  look  for  the  blessed  moment  when  I  shall  have  my  delight  in 
the  Almighty  beyond  all  I  have  ever  known.  I  feel  a  glorious 
day  approaching.  Lord,  hasten  the  hour ! 

In  order  to  make  the  day  more  profitable*  let  me  consider, — 
I  usually  rise  between  five  and  six.  Then  let  me  behold  Jesus 
by  the  eye  of  faith,  sitting  on  the  right  hand  of  God,  exalted  in 
glory,  yet  looking  down  on  me,  inclining  his  gracious  ear  to 
my  prayer,  and  saying,  "  Let  me  hear  thy  voice  ;  pray  without 
ceasing,  fivery  one  that  asketh  receiveth."  My  heart  shall 
answer,  O  most  faithful  and  loving  Saviour,  permit  me  again 
to  throw  myself  at  thy  dear  feet.  Thy  mercy  hath  preserved 
me  this  night  from  men  and  devils.  Thou  hast  made  me  to 
rest  in  safety.  For  this  my  soul  doth  adore  thee !  And  I  praise 
thee,  O  Lord,  for  some  degree  of  health.  While  many  are  in 
racking  pain,  I  am  in  ease,  and  have  the  use  of  my  under- 
standing and  a  comfortable  degree  of  sight  and  hearing ;  yea, 
thou  hast  preserved  to  me  the  use  of  all  my  limbs  and  faculties ; 
and  here  I  consecrate  them  all  to  thee  !  O,  take  my  soul  and 
body's  powers,  and  let  them  be  at  thy  disposal  this  day.  I 
here  renew  my  covenant  to  become  altogether  thine ;  and  to  be 
obedient  to  thy  will.  Whatever  thou  shall  appoint  this  day,  O. 


FART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  283 

my  Lord  and  Master,  give  me  to  receive  it  in  the  divine  order ! 
Give  me  this  day  to  watch  every  moment,  that  I  may  not  lose 
one  opportunity  of  taking  up  my  cross,  nor  of  doing  good 
either  to  the  souls  or  bodies  of  men.  Yea,  let  me  strive  to 
confer  happiness  or  comfort,  on  every  one,  even  to  the  brute 
creation.  This  is  thy  will.  O  do  not  suffer  me  to  miss  one 
instance  in  which  I  might  have  such  an  honour !  O  Lord, 
grant  thy  Spirit's  teaching,  that  I  may  lie  at  thy  feet,  and 
listening  to  thy  voice,  have  power  to  obey  it.  Give  me,  O 
Lord,  this  day,  the  spirit  of  recollected  prayer !  That  prayer 
of  faith  which  cannot  go  unanswered.  And,  O  my  Lord,  I 
entreat  thee,  by  all  the  mercy  and  love  thou  hast  shown  me, 
thy  most  unworthy  creature,  that  thou  wouldst  favour  me  with 
the  key  of  the  Holy  Scriptures  !  Thou  knowest,  O  Lord,  it  is 
a.  sealed  book,  till  thou  openest  the  seals  thereof.  Confer  on 
me,  I  beseech  thee,  that  teaching  of  thy  Spirit  that  I  may 
discern  the  deep  truths,  the  glorious  promises,  and  all  the 
sacred  mysteries  which  lead  to  close  communion  with  thy- 
self! That  I  may,  in  my  measure,  "  comprehend  with  all 
saints,  the  length,  and  breadth,  and  depth,  and  height,  of  thy 
incomprehensible  Jove  !"  • 

May  28. — This  morning  I  was  led  to  look  back  on  the  mer- 
cies of  my  past  life ;  and  I  was  amazed  to  see  how  in  every 
part  of  it  such  tender  love  had  been  mixed  with  my  crosses. 
When  in  my  father's  house,  though  I  had  many  things  to  pass 
through  which  were  trials  and  humiliations,  yet  when  I  could 
get  into  my  own  room  I  seemed  to  be  quite  comfortable,  and 
had  a  continual  sense  that  God  would  deliver  me  out  of  all 
when  his  time  was  come.  When  I  was  removed  from  my 
father's  house,  to  my  little  lodging  of  two  rooms  at  Hoxton, 
though  really  very  inconvenient,  it  appeared  as  a  most  sweet 
asylum  to  me.  When  I  took  the  little  house  on  the  road  side, 
I  thought  it  a  palace !  And  though  there  was  much,  very 
much,  to  ask  forgiveness  for  in  all  those  places,  yet  there  were 
abundant  blessings ;  and  I  can  recollect  many  messages  from 
heaven  in  them  all.  I  next  removed  to  Laytonstone.  There 
I  seemed  in  the  land  of  Goshen ;  and  though  I  can  now  look 
back  and  wonder  how  I  stood  under  the  galling  crosses  I  had 
to  encounter,  yet,  at  the  time  they  often  appeared  swallowed 
up  in  mercies  !  At  Cross  Hall  in  Yorkshire,  I  had  many  humi- 
liations and  cares,  but  I  often  thought  that  situation  better  than 
ail  the  others,  and  that  if  the  Lord  would  open  me  a  way  to 
abide  there,  it  would  be  a  great  favour.  But  O,  he  had  some- 
thing better,  far  better  for  me.  He  brought  me  through  fire 
arid  water,  to  this  spot, — to  Madeley :  and  of  all  my  situations, 
none  hath  been  equal  to  this.  O  the  loving  kindness  of  fcny 
God !  I  remember  in  the  year  1766,  being  from  home,  on  a 
journey  with  sister  Ryan,  and  under  very  great  triala,  both 


284  THE   LIFE  OP  [PARTV1H, 

outward  and  inward,  as  I  was  one  day  in  prayer,  those  words 
were  applied  to  me  with  a  peculiar  power,  /  will  bring  Israel 
again  to  his  habitation,  and  he  shall  feed  on  Carmel  and 
Bashan,  and  his  soul  shall  be  satisfied  on  Mount  Ephraim 
and  GUead.  At  that  time,  and  in  those  days,  shall  the  ini- 
quity of  Israel  be  sought  for,  and  there  shall  be  none,  and 
the  sin  of  Judah,  and  it  shall  not  be  found,  for  I  will  pardon 
them  whom  I  reserve.  This  was  so  deeply  impressed  on  my 
mind,  that  when  after  some  months'  absence  we  returned  home. 
I  looked  out  (as  well  as  I  was  able)  the  meaning  of  the  words 
in  the  Hebrew  Lexicon.  I  now  repeat  it  here,  being  conscious 
that  at  this  very  time  I  feel  the  beginning  of  the  accomplish- 
ment. Outwardly  it  is  indeed  made"  good.  I  am  in  a  most 
peaceful  habitation ;  and  some  of  the  clusters  of  grapes  from 
Canaan  I  do  taste  of,  and  sit  as  on  the  banks  of  Jordan,  wait- 
ing to  be  brought  over. 

August  10. — At  present  I  am  under  a  particular  exercise. 
Some  time  ago,  I  found  my  relations  deeply  laid  on  my  mind, 
especially  my  dear  brother  William,  and  my  brother's  widow. 
I  thought,  I  have  not  been  faithful  to  them ;  and  feared,  as  I 
had  not  seen  them  for  twenty  years,  I  nevor  should  see  them 
again.  I  laid  it  before  the  Lord  in  earnest  prayer.  A  circum- 
stance occurred  which  gave  me  some  encouragement.  But 
how  was  I  surprised  when  I  received  a  letter  that  they  were 
coming  to  see  me  !  They  are  now  here.  My  soul  is  drawn 
out  much  in  their  behalf.  Lord,  I  look  unto  thee,  be  thou  my 
helper,  and  enable  me  to  confess  thee  faithfully  before  men, 
that  I  may  not  have  the  blood  of  souls  found  upon  me  ! 

'24. — Glory  be  to  God,  I  have  found  him  very  gracious  in- 
deed.  All  has  been  as  I  could  have  wished,  and  I  had  freedom 
and  comfort  in  our  different  interviews.  I  saw  the  hand  of  the 
Lord  in  every  circumstance.  O  what  a  Saviour  have  I !  Since 
that  time  some  trials  have  occurred  which  have  affected  my 
health.  I  feel  a  great  inward  sinking,  and  by  various  symp- 
toms, it  seems  that  the  Lord  is  reminding  me  the  hour  is  not 
far  off.  O  my  adorable  Saviour,  give  me  but  to  glorify  thee  to 
the  last  moment,  to  feel  my  whole  will  lost  in  thine  ! 

September  12. — Lord,  appear  in  my  behalf!  I  feel  my  body 
grow  very  feeble,  and  I  want  a  fuller  baptism  of  thy  Spirit. 
My  confidence  is  all  in  thee ;  but  I  want  to  feel  an  intimate, 
close  communion.  Once  I  should  have  been  well  pleased  with 
what  I  at  present  feel;  but  when  death  seems  very  near,  there 
needs  a  peculiar  smile  of  the  Lord  to  carry  the  soul  triumph- 
antly through  the  sufferings  of  that  season.  Indeed  there  are 
moments  when  he  doth  assure  me,  As  my  day  my  strength 
shall  be ;  and  of  late  I  have  found  such  help  in  times  of  trial 
ihat  I  am  greatly  encouraged.  This  day  I  am  seventy  years 
old.  Ah !  my  Lord,  howlittle  have  I -done  for  thee  in  seventy 


TART  VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  285 

years !  But  I  look  to  mere  mercy.  My  hope  is  in  the  Sa- 
viour! I  have  nothing  to  plead. 

September  19. — Last  night  I  was  restless  and  disturbed,  and 
as  I  lay  awake  I  thought,  Is  not  God  my  strongest  desire  * 
What  would  BOW  give  me  the  most  pleasure  1  My  heart  an- 
swered, "  A  smile  from  my  Lord."  I  then  thought  of  heaven, 
and  considered  myself  as  afresh  united  to  my  dear  husband, 
my  Sally,  and  my  friend  Ryan.  The  thought  was  pleasing, 
and  raised  gratitude  in  my  heart.  But  when  I  turned  my 
thoughts  to  a  sighj  of,  and  union  with  my  Saviour, — O  how 
superior  a  spring  of  joy  did  I  feel !  I  think  I  can  truly  say, — 
"  Whom  have  I  in  heaven  but  thee  7  and  there  is  none  upon 
earth  I  desire  in  comparison  of  thee !"  But,  Lord,  I  am  not 
satisfied.  Ah,  no ;  I  want  such  a  possession  of  thy  love, — 
such  an  intimate  union  as  every  moment  to  feel  thy  approving 
smile ! 

November  12. — Twenty-eight  years  this  day,  and  at  this  hour, 
I  gave  my  hand  and  heart  to  John  William  de  la  Flechere.  A. 
profitable  and  blessed  period  of  my  life.  I  feel,  at  this  moment, 
a  more 'tender  affection  toward  him  than  I  did  at  that  time, 
and  by  faith  I  now  join  my  hand  afresh  with  his.  My  Sally, 
and  my  friend  Ryan  too, — We  are  one  in  Jesus.  O  that  I  may 
follow  them  as  they  followed  Christ ! 

January  6,  1810.— Glory  be  to  thee,  my  precious  Saviour, 
for  the  great  mercies  I  have  received  the  last  year !  O  how 
many  striking  answers  to  prayer !  I  feel  also  an  increase  of 
faith,  and  begin  this  year  with  a  more  firm  confidence  in  thy 
faithful  promises.  Yes,  my  gracious  Lord,  I  abandon  all,  all 
into  thy  hand,  both  for  time  and  eternity.  I  have  been  reading 
again  that  excellent  work  of  my  dear  husband,  "  The  Portrait 
of  St.  Paul."  I  had  not  read  it  for  many  years,  but,  O  how 
sweet  did  I  find  it !  It  is  amazing  that  it  should  be  so  clear 
and  perfect  as  it  is,  when  I  considered  what  he  said  to  me 
about  it, — that  it  was  a  rough  draught  wrote  in  his  illness, 
when  abroad  ;  and  which  he  intended  to  write  all  over  again, 
and  to  improve,  had  he  been  spared  to  do  it.  I  felt  a  sweet 
unction  as  I  read  it,  and  am  very  glad  it  is  taken  into  the  ninth 
volume  of  his  works. 

February  11. — Hiave  been  ill  for  about  two  months,  with  a 
complaint  on  my  lungs,  but  was  enabled  to  keep  to  all  the 
meetings  till  Tuesday  last,  when  I  grew  much  worse.  My 
breath  is  exceeding  short,  and  the  cough  very  severe.  By  the 
expectoration  it  appears  to  be  such  a  consumption  as  old  peopJe 
have.  I  am  glad  I  have  had  these  opportunities  with  the  dear 
people,  though  perhaps  I  have  suffered  by  it.  The  Lord  has 
been  very  present  with  us  of  late.  Those  words  have  been 
much  on  my  -mind,  "  Whom  have  I  in  heaven  but  thee  1  and 
there  is  none  on  earth  I  desire  in  comparison  of  tliee."  I  feel 


286  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VIM, 

no  care  about  my  body,  only  that  I  may  do  and  suffer  all  the 
will  of  God,  as  a  Christian ;  that  "  patience  may  have  its  per- 
fect work." 

February  25. — I  still  remain  ill,  though  something  better ; 
and  it  is  a  great  addition  to  the  trial,  that  my  dear  friend  and 
kind  nurse,  Miss  Tooth,  appears  to  have  a  consumptive  dis- 
order. This  morning  I  was  laying  all  before  the  Lord,  and 
felt  a  desire  to  try  myself  in  every  point,  of  sacrifice.  I  felt 
his  will  above  all.  Afterward  that  word  bore  on  my  mind, 
"  Stand  still  and  see  the  salvation  of  God.'.' 

April  27. — Yesterday  was  a  day  of  trial,  as  to  outward  things ; 
but  in  the  morning  those  words  were  in  a  peculiar  manner  laid 
on  my  mind, — "  Commit  thy  way  unto  the  Lord  ;  trust  also  in 
him,  and  he  will  bring  it  to  pass."  I  did  not  understand  what 
it  meant  at  first,  but  before  night  it  was  explained. 

O,  my  faithful  God,  thou  knowest  all  that  can  approach  thy 
children ;  and  thy  guardian  care  prevents  our  trials  by  a  call 
to  a  fresh  trust  in  thee !  Many  scenes  of  suffering  appear  be- 
fore me.  My  left  breast  I  am  told  is  again  likely  ^o  prove 
cancerous ;  but  I  lie  still  in  the  hand  of  the  Lord. 

May  6. — As  I  was  rising  this  morning,  Mr.  Grimshaw's 
advice  came  to  my  mind :  "At  your  first  awaking  spend  half 
an  hour  on  five  things.  First,  Return  thanks  for  the  mercies 
f  the  night.  Second,  Pray  for  a  blessing  on  the  new  day. 
Third,  Examine  the  state  of  your  heart.  Fourth,  Meditate  on 
some  spiritual  subject.  Fifth,  Lay  a  plan  for  your  employment 
of  the  day."  I  felt  my  heart  drawn  to  praise,  and  to  entreat 
protecting  mercy,  and  spiritual  guidance,  for  the  ensuing  day, 
and  felt  my  petition  was  heard.  Then  I  looked  up  for  a  spi- 
ritual subject  of  meditation.  Immediately  it  occurred, — "  I 
go  to  prepare  a  place  for  you."  Then, — "  I  am  the  way,  the 
truth,  and  the  life."  I  felt  it  a  profitable  time. 

September  6. — The  other  day  brother  Tranter  preached  in 
my  room  very  profitably,  and  told  us  afterward  a  remarkable 
answer  to  prayer.  Mr.  R.  Crowther  and  his  wife  were  going 
to  their  circuit  in  a  borrowed  gig.  They  came  to  the  house  of 
a  pious  man  and  woman,  accustomed  to  receive  the  messen- 
gers of  Jesus  Christ.  Having  no  place  for  the  gig,  it  stood 
out.  There  were  some  persecuting  spirits  in  the  place.  In 
the  night,  the  man  and  his  wife  found  they  could  not  sleep, 
and  said  one  to  another,  I  feel  a  great  weight  on  my  mind,— 
perhaps  some  hurt  is  doing  to  the  gig.  They  got  up  and  went 
out.  They  found  one  wheel  was  gone.  They  looked  all  about, 
but  could  not  find  it.  They  returned  into  the  house  and  went 
to  prayer,  laying  before  the  Lord  the  difficulty  Mr.  Crowther 
would  be  in.  At  last  one  of  them  said,  It  comes  to  my  mind 
they  have  carried  it  to  such  a  place,  (about  two  miles  off,)  and 
thrown  it  into  the  swamp.  The  other  said,  Let  us  go  and  see. 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  ^37 

About  one  o'clock  they  set  off.    When  they  came  to  the  place, 
which  was  full  of  water  and  mud,  and  covered  with  rushes 
they  looked  about,  but  could  see  nothing  of  the  wheel     They 
then  saw  a  large  stick  ;  upon  which  the  man  said,  Perhaps  on 
this  stick  they  carried  it ;— let  us  try  again.     He  then  took  up 
the  stick  and  groped  in  the  mud.    Presently  he  felt  the  wheel. 
Ihey  got  it  out,  brought  it  home,  and  put  it  on  the  gig.     So 
when  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Crowther  got  up,  the  gig  was  ready  for 
them  to  set  off.     How  true  is  that  word,  "  Call  upon  me  in  the 
time  of  trouble,  so  will  I  hear  thee,  and  thou  shalt  glorify  me." 
September  12.— At  eight  o'plock  this  morning  I  was  solemnly 
struck  with  the  thought,— I  am,  at  this  hour,  (the  time  I  have 
been  told  I  was  born,)  seventy-one  years  of  age.— I  was,  as  I 
have  been  told,  in  great  danger  of  death,  from  my  tongue  being 
tied,  and  much  bleeding  ensued  from  having  it  cut.     It  was 
thought  I  should  be  dumb.     But  thou,  O  Lord !  saw  good  to 
give  me  my  speech.     Ah,  Lord,  how  have  I  used  that  great 
talent  ?    How  often  have  I  abused  thy  goodness,  and  offended 
with  my  tongue  !     I  feel  an  earnest  cry  for  a  full  and  perfect 
devotedness  of  soul  to  thee ;  and  my  faith  seems  to  be  in- 
creased in  the  belief  I  shall  be  so.     While  speaking  on  Monday 
night,  in  a  very  full  meeting,  the  Lord  was  very  present,  and  I 
saw  such  a  great  salvation  before  me  as  I  cannot  express.    And 
has  my  Saviour  bore  all  the  curse  1     And  has  he  taken  our  na- 
ture into  the  Godhead]     O,  what  may  we  not  expect]     Lord, 
enlarge  my  faith ! 

November  24. — Since  I  last  wrote,  I  have  seen  much  of  the 
goodness  of  the  Lord.  What  an  answer  of  prayer  is  the 
amendment  of  Miss  Tooth  !  My  gracious  Lord  would  not  give 
me  sorrow  upon  sorrow.  O,  how  good  it  is  to  stand  still  and 
see  his  salvation !  This  summer  I  have  been  better  in  health 
than  for  some  years,  and  have  found  much  of  his  presence  in 
the  work  of  God. 

On  the  12th  of  this  month,  the  day  of  renewed  dedication  of 
myself  to  God,  I  felt  a  blessing  in  the  remembrance  of  the  pre- 
cious gift  given  me  twenty-nine  years  ago.  O  what  a  train 
of  good  things  have  sprung  therefrom !  O  my  Lord,  none  but 
thyself  can  know  what  an  advantage  I  have  drawn  from  that 
union  !  O  that  my  dear  husband's  prayers  may  be  fully  an- 
swered in  me,  that  I  may  become  the  habitation  of  God 
through  the  Spirit ! 

December  18. — Being  ill,  I  could  not  go  out,  but  prayed  if 
the  Lord  saw  it  good,  that  I  might  have  strength  for  Sunday 
noon,  and  Monday  night,  the  times  when  we  have  large  con- 
gregations— and,  blessed  be  his  name !  I  have  had  hitherto  the 
answer  to  my  prayer.  I  felt,  this  morning,  very  lame  in  my 
knees,  but  yet  able  to  walk  about,  and,  in  the  room  last  night, 
the  Lord  was  with  me,  and  brought  me  comfortably  through.  . 


288  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  VIII, 

January  7,  1811. — And  do  I  see  another  year !  O  my  God, 
may  I  live  this  year  as  I  have  never  yet  done  !  I  have  had, 
for  six  weeks,  a  return  of  my  winter  cough,  but  have  been 
enabled  to  go  out  on  Sunday  noon,  and  Monday  night,  as  usual. 
Blessed  be  the  Lord  for  that  indulgence  !  Never  did  eternity- 
appear  so  near.  I  feel  its  importance ;  but  O,  I  want  it  to 
drink  up  every  thought,  and  fill  up  every  moment. 

January  14. — The  complaint  on  my  lungs  grows  worse.  I 
seem  to  be  going  fast.  Saturday  and  yesterday  were  days  of 
recollection,  blessed  be  God !  I  went  out  yesterday  at  noon, 
and  had  a  comfortable  time  with  the  dear  people.  I  read  and 
spoke  an  hour.  The  subject  was,  Jacob  blessing  his  sons.  I 
seemed  to  be  no  worse,  and  on  my  return  had  a  tolerable 
night ;  but  this  morning  I  feel  my  breath  much^  affected,  and 
my  strength  seems  to  go  fast.  Eternity  looks  very  sweet,  yet 
I  have  fiery  darts.  I  long  for  a  clearer  view — but  I  praise 
the  Lord  for  more  constant  power  to  obey  that  command, 
Pray  without  ceasing. 

February  9. — Those  words  seem  to  dwell  mightily  on  my 
mind,  "  Praying  always,  and  watching  thereunto  with  all  per- 
severance." Lord  give  me  the  power  this  day !  Let  my  spirit 
every  moment  be  looking  out  for  thee,  as  t he  watchman  for 
the  morning.  The  Lord  has  been  drawing  my  soul  nearer  to 
himself  for  some  days.  O,  how  my  soul  longs  to  be  wholly 
lost  in  God !  This  day  I  have  been  greatly  humbled  under  a 
sense  of  the  little  progress  I  have  made,  seeing  my  lot  hath 
been  cast  with  the  most  excellent  of  the  earth. 

May  25. — Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  forget  not  all 
hits  benefits!  I  am  surrounded  with  mercies.  Sure  none 
ever  had  more  cause  for  thankfulness.  O  that  my  heart  could 
overflow  with  praise  in  proportion  thereto !  O  my  Saviour, 
purify  my  soul  unto  thyself!  I  know  thou  hast  all  power. 
The  other  day,  as  a  useless  thought  occurred  to  my  mind,  1 
felt  that  word  with  a  solemn  weight, — The  place  where  his 
honour  dwelleth.  It  called  me  back  in  a  moment,  with  that 
adea,  that  my  soul  is  the  place,  where  his-  honour  ought  to 
dwell.  It  is  a  great  thing  to  keep  the  heart  with  all  diligence 
from  the  dangerous  avenue  of  the  imagination.  My  soul  doth 
rejoice  over  some  who  have  been  brought  in  of  late.  One 
young  man  who  was  very  wicked,  came  to  one  of  the  meet- 
ings ;  and  hearing  Miss  Tooth  observe,  "  We  must  have  that 
faith  which  brings  purity  of  heart,  and  power  over  sin,"  he 
thought.  I  am  sure  I  have  no  such  faith. — From  that  hour  the 
Lord  began  to  work  on  his  soul.  The  conviction  was  deep ; 
and  his  wife,  his  father  and  mother,  and  a  cousin,  were  stirred 
up  through  him,  and  are  all  now  members  of  the  society. 
Glory  be  to  God,  he  continues  all  athirst  both  for  his  own  soul 


PART   VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  289 

and  others.     «  Every  moment,  Lord,  I  also  need  the  merit  of 
thy  death." 

July  23.— 0  how  faithful  is  God !  None  ever  trusted  in 
aim  and  was  confounded.  Much  of  his  loving  kindness  have 
I  seen  of  late  in  the  times  of  united  worship.  Yes,  my  ado- 
rable Lord,  thou  hast  helped  thy  poor  creature,  and  given  me 
to  feel  the  words  which  I  spoke.  Several  have  been  blest,  and 
most  sweetly  brought  into  pure  love,  and  an  awakening  seems 
to  spread  among  believers  to  press  forward,  and  seek  the  rest 
which  remains  For  the  children  of  God. 

August  14.— What  did  I  feel  this  day  twenty-six  years, 
when  at  the  dying  bed  of  my  beloved  husband !  And  what 
have  I  gone  through  since  that  time  !  Well,  it  hath  been  all 
for  good.  I  have  needed  every  bitter  cup  I  have  had  to  drink  ; 
but  what  mercies  have  I  also  received !  What  tender  care 
hath  my  almighty  and  loving  Redeemer  shown  in  my  behalf '. 
That  word  hath  indeed  been  fulfilled,  A  judge  of  the  widow  is 
God  in  his  holy  habitation.  But  I  might  have  grown  much 
more  than  I  have.  0  my  Saviour,  show  me  how  it  is  now  with 
my  soul  !  Blessed  be  the  name  of  the  Lord,  I  feel  my  con- 
science more  and  more  tender,  and  a  greater  power  to  embrace 
the  crofts,  and  to  keep  in  the  presence  of  God.  It  is  a  season 
of  trial,  but  I  expect  much  spiritual  good  to  arise  therefrom. 
I  long  to  be  lost  and  swallowed  up  in  God. 

September  12. — Glory  be  to  thee,  my  gracious  Redeemer, 
who  hast  preserved  me  seventy-two  years !  I  have  been  for 
some  time  very  poorly  with  the  complaint  on  my  lungs,  and 
one  day  as  I  was  sitting  in  the  study,  thinking  what  I  might 
have  to  go  through,  I  felt  applied  to  my  mind  a  Word  my  dear 
husband  spoke  to  me, — "  Thou  shalt  not  suffer  long :"  then  he 
added,  "  Hope  to  the  end,  in  Jesus  hope ;  you  cannot  fail  if 
God  is  love."  My  heart  answered,  God  is  love,  and  I  shall 
prove  his  faithfulness,  whatever  I  have  to  go  through.  Blessed 
be  God,  I  am  still  enabled  to  keep  up  my  meetings,  though, 
with  labour,  and  we  have  much  of  the  presence  of  God.  We 
have  now  got  three  new  preachers  on  the  circuit.  Lord,  make 
their  word  powerful !  We  have  prayed  much  for  them. 

September  19. — Last  night  in  my  sleep  that  word  was  spoken 
to  me,  None  shall  pluck  thee  out  of  my  Father's  hand.  J 
did  not  wake,  but  in  my  sleep  made  reflections  on  it.  O  my 
precious  Lord,  thou  art  gracious  ;  but  I  long  for  a  closer  union 
with  thee  !  My  breath  is  very  short  on  the  least  motion ;  and 
yet  I  can  go  up  and  down  to  the  meetings,  blessed  be  God  ! 
We  have  been  reading  in  the  family  of  late  an  account  of  the 
martyrs.  O  how  I  admired  the  power  of  God  in  them  !  Lord, 
how  poor  a  disciple  am  I,  ready  to  shrink  at  a  little  suffering ! 
O  Lord,  increase  my  faith  !  Last  night  I  was  uncommonly  iD ; 
tut  as  I  lay  quiet  it  was  spoke  as  if  to  both  ear  and  heart, 
25 


290  THE    LIFE    OP  [PART  VIII. 

"  Give  to  the  winds  thy  fears."     Then  followed  the  whole 
veree,  with  great  power : 

"Give  to  the  winds  thy  fears, 
Hope,  and  be  undismay'd, 
God  hears  thy  sighs,  and  counts  thy  teara 
God  shall  lift  up  thy  head." 

October  16. — To-day  in  reading  the  first  and  second  chap- 
ters of  Deuteronomy,  where  Moses  bids  them  tfust  in  the  Lord 
who  had  done  such  wonders  for  them  in  Egypt,  and  in  the  wil- 
derness, &c,  I  was  led  to  look  back  through  ray  past  life,  and 
consider  the  tender  care  the  Lord  hath  taken  of  me  even  to 
this  hour,  yea,  in  the  smallest  things,  as  well  as  in  the  greatest. 

0  what  wonders  I  could  relate !  O  my  precious  Lord,  increase 
my  faith  and  love,  I  pray  thee,  abundantly !     I  see  eternity 
very  near.     Lord,  open  my  eyes  to  a  clearer  view  of  that 
blessed  world ! 

November  22.— -Solemn  thoughts  the  twelfth  of  this  month 
rested  on  my  mind,  and  also  great  thankfulness.  Blessed  be 
God  for  that  sweet  and  gracious  union  commenced  with  my 
dear  husband  thirty  years  ago,  and  eternally  to  last.  My 
asthmatic  disorder  increases,  and  sometimes  in  the  meetings 
J  feel  much  difficulty.  Well,  all  is  right.  Thy  will,  O  my 
precious  Saviour !  is  all.  I  feel  a  pain  in  the  thought  of  giving 
up  the  Sunday  noon  and  Monday  night  meetings.  If  the  Lord 
would  be  pleased  to  give  me  strength  for  these  seasons,  I 
should  be  thankful.  I  wish  to  give  my  last  breath  to  the  dear 
people  of  God. 

December  27. — O  my  soul,  why  dost  thou  not  praise  the 
Lord  in  a  more  abundant  manner !  Surely  I  am  in  a  land 
flowing  with  milk  and  honey.  Last  night,  when  uncommonly 
ill  with  my  asthma,  I  was  obliged  to  sit  up  in  my  bed  a  good 
while,  and  it  seemed  as  if  my  breath  would  stop  ;  O  how  gra- 
cious was  the  Lord !  I  felt  such  a  sense  of  quiet  safety  as  I 
cannot  express  !  I  thought,  what  a  mercy  is  a  good  bed ;  a 
fire  in  my  room — while  many  poor  creatures  are  starving  with 
cold  this  hard  frost !  a  kind  friend  in  the  next  bed,  who  will 
attend  my  call ;  and,  above  all,  a  God  of  love  to  trust  in  !  I 
said,  Lord,  speak  to  me  !  Immediately  that  word  passed 
through  my  mind, 

"Jesus  doth  my  burden  bear, 
Jesus  takes  my  every  care.'1 

1  thought  of  the  great  and  amazing  transaction  commemorated 
at  this  season,  and  foretold  for  four  thousand  years  !     Truly, 
"  the  secret  of  the  Lord  is  with  those  who  fear  him."     While 
the  Jews  expected  him  to  come  in  great  pomp,  he  came  as  a 
babe  in  the  manger,  quite  concealed  and  unknown,  except  to 
a  few !   Here  is  a  lesson  !    Some  even  now  can  find  no  com- 
fort, except  in  something  great,  even  in  religion  !     How  often 


?ART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  291 

have  I  been  thus  deceived !  But  now  I  see  in  another  light. 
We  are  to  lay  hold  on  the  smallest  encouragement ;  we  are  to 
accept  a  crumb, — and  by  looking  in  the  word,  and  feeding  on 
it,  the  power  follows.  As  he  says,  "  Incline  thine  ear ;  hear, 
and  thy  soul  shall  live  !" 

January  1,  1812. — Lord,  let  me  begin  this  year  with  thee  ! 
I  have  cause  to  praise  the  Lord  for  a  good  night,  and  am  much 
better  since  I  have  kept  in  the  house.  But,  O  my  Lord,  wilt 
thou  give  me  once  more  to  go  out  among  the  dear  people  ? 
Well,  "  Thy  will  be  done  !"  all  is  right  that  thy  providence 
ordains.  On  the  fifth  of  this  month  I  shall  have  been  thirty 
years  in  this  house.  That  promise,  given  me  at  Bath,  comes 
strongly  to  my  mind,  "  I  will  bring  Israel  again  to  her  own 
habitation."  Truly  the  Lord  hath  done  so.  I  have  drunk  a 
bitter  cup  in  losing  my  dear  husband,  yet  I  am  so  filled  with 
blessings,  and  have  such  comforts  and  helps,  that  I  may  say 
no  kind  of  good  is  withheld  from  me.  I  have  also  communion 
with  my  friends  above  ;  a  little  while  and  we  shall  meet  to  part 
no  more.  O  my  God,  I  beseech  thee,  let  me  live  this  year,  if 
spared,  as  I  have  never  yet  done  ! 

February  6. — Many  mercies  I  have  seen  in  the  month  past. 
Though  I  have  not  got  my  voice  yet  sufficiently  for  the  meet- 
ings, yet  the  Lord  hath  given  us  such  helpers,  that  all  has  been 
kept  up  with  advantage.  Glory  be  to  his  name !  We  are  very 
comfortable  with  our  preachers ;  they  are  so  kind  and  friendly, 
we  are  quite  of  one  heart,  and  the  work  prospers.  I  have  had 
of  late  a  deeper  view  into  the  mystery  of  redemption,  and  felt 
much  power  m  that  word, — "  He  appeared  to  put  away  sin  by 
the  sacrifice  of  himself." 

June  19. — The  dear  people  so  flock  to  us  that  my  room  will 
scarcely  hold  them,  though  we  consider  it  as  holding  three 
hundred,  and  the  Lord  hath  been  very  present  indeed.  I  was 
so  recovered  as  to  get  out  in  March,  and  enabled  ever  since 
to  attend  the  meetings.  I  have  a  prospect  of  great  sufferings 
before  me,  but  I  hang  upon  the  will  of  my  God,  assured  that 
"the  sufferings  of  the  present  time  are  not  worthy  to  be  com- 
pared with  the  glory  that  shall  be  revealed."  One  great 
answer  to  prayor  I  must  mention.  A  gay  young  lady,  whom  I 
knew  from  a  child,  it  pleased  the  Lord  to  afflict.  She  was 
deeply  awakened,  and  cried  out,  "  O  how  I  shudder  to  look 
back  on  my  past  life  !"  In  this  state  the  Lord  manifested  his 
mercy,  and  for  some  months  she  went  on  most  sweetly.  At 
her  death,  after  bearing  extreme  sufferinga  with  a  lamb-like 
patience,  she  said,  "  My  pain  is  exceedingly  great;  but  it  is 
not  hell ;  and  that  I  have  richly  deserved."  Soon  after  she 
told  her  aunt,  "  I  have  had  a  great  conflict  both  in  soul  and 
body.  I  am  just  going."  Then  she  added,  "  O  I  am  so  hap- 
py  !"  and  immediately  departed. 


292  THE  LIFE  OP  [PART  vnr, 

August  14. — This  is  always  a  solemn  day.  Seven  and 
twenty  years  hath  my  beloved  husband  been  in  glory.  O  what 
heights  of  holiness  may  he  have  attained !  Lord,  what  have  I 
gamed  in  this  long  season  1  I  might  have  attained  to  much 
more  than  I  have,  but,  blessed  be  the  Lord,  I  do  feel  an  increase  ; 
;ir.d  my  spirit  pants  after  the  "  fulness  of  God."  I  find  stronger 
f-\ith ;  I  am  filled  with  blessings  !  I  see  the  hand  of  God  in 
:''.!  ;  and  such  answers  to  prayer  as  amaze  me  !  My  body  is 
f:H  of  infirmities,  yet  I  am  able  to  creep  through  each  day, 
rid  to  work  a  little  in  my  Lord's  vineyard.  Truly,  my  last 
re  my  best. 

September  12. — I  have,  this  day,  reached  my  seventy-third 
yaar,  and  I  feel  a  strong  desire  that  this  may  be  a  birth  day  to 
my  soul.  I  have  such  a  sense  of  a  full  blessing  purchased  for 
me,  with  such  a  near  approach  to  God,  that  I  long  to  attain 
it.  I  wait  at  the  feet  of  my  dear  Saviour  for  a  fuller  dis- 
play of  his  love. 

November  12. — It  is  thirty-one  years  this  day,  since  I  was 
united  to  my  dear  husband.  O  blessed  union  !  What  cause 
have  I  of  praise  for  that  providence !  It  seems  but  yesterday . 
and  he  is  as  near  and  dear  as  ever.  I  cannot  see  to  write  half 
what  I  feel  in  .my  heart ;  but  I  will  add, — my  cup  overflows 
with  mercy,  glory  be  to  God  ! 

January,  1813. — And  now  another  year  is  gone,  and  I  see 
the  beginning  of  a  new  one.  I  feel  an  increase  of  faith  within 
this  last  day  or  two ;  some  refreshing  beams  of  glory  now  and 
then  have  touched  my  soul.  O  for  a  deeper  draught ! 

"  From  Sion's  top  the  breezes  blow, 
And  cheer  us  in  the  vale  below." 

February  20. — I  have  read  with  much  pleasure  the  account 
of  the  work  of  God  in  India.  I  praise  the  Lord  for  that  excel- 
lent man,  Professor  Francke.  It  was  from  his  college  several 
of  the  missionaries  went  to  India,  and,  among  others,  that 
great  instrument,  Mr.  Swartes.  Glory  be  to  God,  who  hath 
raised  up  these  "  angels  of  the  churches."  Every  look  at 
them  makes  me  shrink  into  nothing.  Yet  we  may  be  permit- 
ted to  follow  them  with  our  prayers.  Lord,  increase  the 
number  of  such  men !  Bless  their  endeavours,  and  fill  them 
with  thy  Spirit  !* 

April  20. — Since  I  wrote  last,  on  March  the  third,  my  dear 
brother  William  died.  We  were  four  in  number,  and  I  am 
now  left  alone.  But  I  have  cause  to  believe  he  is  in  glory. 
He  hath  been  a  kind  brother  to  me;  and  referring  to  the 
extraordinary  communication  of  Mrs.  Clapham.f  I  feel  a  desire 
to  explain  in  what  a  singular  manner  the  whole  has  been  ful- 

*  No  doubt  many  pious  persons,  as  well  as  Mrs.  Fletcher,  have  thus  prayed 
\  tow  evidently  are  those  prayers  answered  in  the  present  day  ! — ED. 
t  See  page  109. 


>ART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  293 

fiJled.  When  1  married  he  sent  me  one  hundred  pounds  as  a 
wedding  present.  After  the  death  of  my  dear  husband,  he 
came  down  to  me,  and  with  the  greatest  tenderness  and  affec- 
tion brought  me  forty  pounds.  Some  time  after,  my  uncle 
Claudius  Bosanquet  died,  and  left  each  of  my  brothers  eighteen 
thousand  pounds,  and  several  of  his  nephews  and  nieces  five 
hundred  each ;  but  neither  my  sister  nor  myself  were 
lioned.  My  brother  .William  at  that  time  divided  one  of  his 
thousands  bejween  us.  This  was  a  great  help,  as  I  had  some 
money  still  to  pay  oft'.  Since  that  time  he  hath  helped  me 
yearly  for  my  poor's  expenses, — and,  for  some  time,  has  given 
me  forty  pounds  a  year.  At  this  time  of  distress,  when  trade 
is  so  low,  and  the  poor  so  straitened,  this  loss  would  have  been 
a  great  one ;  but  he  hath  left  me  two  thousand  pounds,  so  that 
my  income,  instead  of  decreasing,  will  be  enlarged.  I  cannot 
reflect  on  this  circumstance  but  with  wonder  and  praise. 
When  Mrs.  Claphara  told  me,  about  a  fortnight  before  we  mar- 
ried, of  these  great  helps,  I  declare  I  did  not  expect  one  penny. 
O  how  exactly  has  all  come  to  pass !  I  remember  she  said, 
that  the  last  sum  that  she  saw  laid  down  was  Mbch  larger  than 
any  before.  How  often  has  my  heart  cried  t»  the  Lord  that 
he  would  restore  him  a  hundred  fold !  I  trust  it  is  so.  I  have 
a  strong  confidence  his  cup  is  full  of  glory. 

April  30. — I  feel  the  presence  of  the  Saviour,  and  trust  to 
enter  more  deeply  than  ever  into  him  as  my  centre.  Reflect- 
ing on  iny  past  mercies  and  present  situation,  1  am  struck  with 
amazement  at  the  loving  kindness  of  the  Lord.  Never  was  I 
more  comfortable  than  now  !  Though  I  have  so  many  infirmi- 
ties, yet  I  have  such  a  measure  of  health  as  renders  life  quite 
easy.  Good  nights,  sufficient  appetite,  and  a  degree  of  strength, 
at  times  quite  easy;  and  sweet  liberty  in  the  meetings.  No 
burden  with  my  family, — my  friend  Mary  Tooth  manages  all. 
My  confidence  is  all  in  thee,  thou  mighty  Lord  of  all !  I  feel 
thee  drawing  nearer  and  nearer  to  my  soul.  The  wound  in 
my  breast,  occasioned  by  the  lump  which  had  formed,  puts  me 
afresh  in  mind  of  eternity.  But,  O  how  sweetly  dost  thou 
support  me  under  it !  I  am  enabled  to  go  through  all  my  meet- 
ings, and  have  but  very  little  pain.  Yesterday  that  veree  of 
the  hymn  was  sweetly  applied  to  my  heart, — 

"  Abundant  sweetness !     While  I  sing 

Thy  love  my  ravish'd  soul  tferflows ; 
Secur*  in  thee,  my  God  and  King, 
Of  glory  which  no  period  knows." 

September  3.— On  the  14th  of  August  I  felt  deep  impression* 
of  that  most  awful  event,  the  death  of  my  dear  husband.  But 
the  renewed  scene,  will,  I  trust,  soon  end  in  joyous  days. 

January,  1814. — I  have  been  much  disturbed  almost  all  night. 
My  asthma  was  oppressive,  and  I  had  much  fever.  My  head 
25* 


294  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VIIu 

also  was  confused,  but  those  words  came  powerfully  to  my 
mind, — 

"  Sweet  is  thy  voice,  my  Spouse,  to  me, 

/  wili  behold  no  spot  in  thee  : 

What  mighty  wonders  love  performs, 

That  puts  ;•.  comeliness  on  worms '.'' 

May  ?. — For  some  time  the  wound  in  my  breast  has  been 
better,  though  it  was  thought,  in  January,  that  I  should  not  live 
many  days ;  and  my  breath  is  now  more  easy,  especially  in  the 
night.  I  leave  all  in  thy  dear  hand,  my  adorable  Lord,  and 
only  long  for  a  deeper  plunge  into  God. 

May  20. — Reflecting  on  past  mercies  I  find  abundant  cause 
for  praise.  I  am  surrounded  with  loving  kindness ;  but  my 
strength  and  sight  seem  to  fail.  I  am  waiting  for  a  closer 
union  with  my  dear  Lord.  Though  so  weak  in  body,  I  feel  a 
desire  to  praise  thee,  my  adorable  Lord,  for  thy  abundant  mer- 
cies. O,  my  gracious  Lord,  I  do  feel  great  cause  of  praise ! 
How  many  have  I  seen  of  my  near  relations  who  have  suffered 
much  in  illness  through  want  of  wisdom,  or  tender  care,  in 
those  about  them  !  But  I  am  favoured  above  all.  O  the  won- 
derful care  Profidence  hath  ever  had  over  me !  What  snares 
he  hath  saved  me  from !  What  dangers  preserved  me  in,  and 
what  promises  have  I  seen  fulfilled !  I  have  every  thing  I  can 
want.  O,  my  God,  give  me  a  watchful  spirit,  that  I  may  not 
speak  one  word  amiss !  Above  all,  answer  that  prayer,  "  Let 
no  vain  thoughts  lodge  within  me  !"  Give  me,  from  this  hour, 
a  mind  continually  fixed  on  thee, — never  more  to  be  drawn  out 
of  its  centre ! 

July  1. — How  tenderly  the  Lord  deals  with  me  '.  I  am  very 
weak,  and  yet  am  oft  five  times  in  a  week  able  to  be  in  my 
meetings,  and  I  have  strength  to  speak  so  that  all  may  hear, 
and  the  Lord  is  very  present  with  us.  Lord,  fill  my  soul  with 
abundant  praise ! 

Sunday,  August  15. — Yesterday,  the  14th,  was  a  solemn 
day  to  me.  It  is  now  twenty-nine  years  since  my  beloved 
went  to  glory  1  I  am  led  to  cry  for  a  closer  union  with  my 
Saviour.  I  feel  his  Spirit  working  in  me ;  but  it  is  a  season 
of  trial.  That  word  is  much  with  me,  Pray  without  ceasing. 

22. — Yesterday  I  had  encouragement  from  the  Lord,  and  lay 
down  in  his  presence.  In  the  night,  while  asleep,  those  words 
came  with  power, — my  heart  seemed  to  speak  them, — 

"  Him  eye  to  eye  I  soon  shall  see.        * 

My  face  like  his  shall  shine ! 
O,  what  a  glorious  company, 
Where  saints  and  angels  join '" 

I  see  more  and  more  what  a  fulness  there  is  in  the  Saviour. 
O,  my  God,  let  me  be  wholly  lost  in  thee  ! 

September  12. — Seventy-five  years  ago  I  was  born.  O,  my 
gracious  Saviour,  what  great  grace  might  I  have  gained  in 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  295 

seventy-five  years  !  I  turn  me  to  that  blood  which  mokes  the 
dinner  whole.  I  have,  of  late,  had  a  view  now  and  then  as  if 
die  door  of  holiness  was  open,  and  the  word  spoke  in  my  heart, 
•'  Believe,  and  possess  to  the  uttermost."  Lord,  give  the  power  1 

November  3. — On  Saturday  I  was  very  ill,  and  thought  death 
drew  near.  Since  that  time  I  have  found  a  deeper  work  in  my 
soul.  The  Lord  seems  to  lay  to  !iis  hand.  O,  my  Jesus,  fill  me 
with  thy  Spirit !  I  long  to  be  all  thine  own. 

24. — The  Lord  is  very  good  to  me.  I  have  found  a  clearer 
sense  of  his  presence,  and  much  answer  to  prayer.  O,  I  feel 
as  clay  before  the  potter.  On  the  12th  of  this  'month  I  had  a 
clear  remembrance  of  the  solemn  scene  of  the  union  with  my 
precious  husband,  and  felt  it  was  for  eternity.  What  a  favour 
do  I  also  possess  in  my  friend  Tooth !  The  Lord  has  made  her 
every  thing  to  me  that  I  need.  Dear  Mrs.  Gilpin's  death  seems 
to  bring  me  nearer  to  eternity.  How  little  did  I  think  she  would 
be  called  first !  Lord,  prepare  me,  and  fill  me  with  thyself!  I 
am  still  able  to  be  out  twice  on  Sunday,  though  the  cold  weather 
has  much  effect  on  my  breath ;  yet  last  night  and  to-day  I  am 
a  good  deal  relieved. 

December  12. — I  have  had  severe  pain  for  a  fortnight,  yet 
mixed  with  much  mercy.  I  thought  I  was  near  death.  Yester- 
day I  had  an  uncommon  sense  of  the  presence  of  God,  and 
those  words  were  much  with  me,  "  My  peace  I  leave  with 
thee ;"  and  again, — "  If  ye  abide  in  me,  and  my  words  abide  in 
you,  ye  shall  ask  what  ye  will,  and  it  shall  be  done  unto  you." 
I  felt  it  good  to  look  into  eternity,  though  in  much  pain. 

Monday,  January  2,  1815. — The  Sabbath  yesterday  was 
precious  to  me.  O,  I  long  that  the  year  fifteen  may  be  the 
best  of  all  my  life.  Should  I  live  a  part  of  it,  may  that  part 
bring  heaven  into  my  soul.  Those  words  have  been  sweet  to 
me,  "  I  will  heal  their  backsliding,  I  will  love  them  freely." 
Looking  back  on  my  past  life,  and  soeing  so  many  blunders,  I 
felt  a  weight  when  the  words  above  were  spoken  to  my  heart. 
Yes,  my  precious  Saviour,  thou  dost  love  me  freely.  O,  that 
I  were  more  filled  with  thy  love  !  The  wound  in  my  breast  is 
much  less,  and  I  am  much  better ;  and  blessed  be  my  God  !  I 
feel  nearer  to  him  than  last  year.  O,  for  a  fuller  gale  from 
Sion's  hill ! 

March  21. — I  have  had  pain  last  night,  but  not  so  violent  as 
it  might  have  been.  Toward  morning,  I  got  some  sleep,  and 
awoke  with  these  words,  which  came  with  power, 

"Giv  to  the  winds  thy  fears, 

Hope,  and  be  unrfismny'd  ; 
God  hears  thy  cries,  and  counts  thy  tears, 
He  shall  lift  up  thy  head." 

May  29. — Glory  be  to  God,  I  am  full  of  mercies !  I  long  for 
a  more  full  union.  I  am  far  better  in  body  also  than  I  could 


296  THE   LIFE- OF  [PART  VIII. 

have  thought ;  yet  I  see  myself  on  the  very  verge  of  eternity,  and 
long  for  a  full  and  perfect  oneness  with  my  Saviour.  I  know 
he  doth  bless  me,  and  I  cast  my  whole  soul,  with  every  power, 
on  my  Lord.  O,  it  is  sweet  to  have  my  will  fully  sunk  in  the 
will  of  my  God. 

August  3. — I  have  had  some  trials  with  regard  to  outward 
affairs':  but  I  have  a  full  confidence  all  shall  end  well.  We 
have  had  for  thirty  years  a  oneness  among  our  people ;  but 
now  there  is  a  division,  by  the  desire  of  the  minister.  It  hurts 
me  ;  yet  I  believe  the  Lord  will  order  all.  But  I  here  declare, 
1  have  been  joined  to  the  people  united  to  Mr.  Wesley  for 
above  threescore  years,  and  I  trust  to  die  among  them.  The 
life  of  true  religion  is  with  them,  and  the  work  increases.  If 
my  papers  fall  into  any  hands,  I  entreat  these  lines  may  never 
be  left  out.*  I  have  always  considered  myself  as  a  member  of 

*  I  should  have  greatly  rejoiced  if  I  had  been  left  at  the  same  liberty  respecting 
this  painful  passage,  as  the  other  parts  of  Mrs.  Fletcher's  writings.  But  her 
mind  seems  to  have  been  deeply  impressed  with  the  occurrence,  and  hence  the 
injunction  is  absolute.  Being  thus  obliged  to  insert  the  change  which  was  at  this 
lime  made  in  the  parish  of  Madeley,  (by  the  curate  not  choosing  to  act  among  the 
people  as  his  predecessors  had  done,)  a  duty  seems  to  lie  upon  me  to  elucidate  the 
cause  of  it  in  the  best  manner  I  am  able :  and  this  I  hope  to  do  with  all  the  ten- 
derness that  truth  will  allow.  Two  letters,  written  by  Mrs.  Fletcher  to  the  gen- 
tleman who  succeeded  Mr.  Home  as  curate  of  Madeley,  will,  I  think,  sufficiently 
explain  it. 

"Madeley,  March  26,  1792. 

"REV.  SIR, — Your  letter  to  Mr.  H.  was  not  seen  by  me  till  yesterday,  or  1 
should  have  answered  it  before. 

"In  order  to  draw  what  I  have  to  say  into  the  compass  of  onesneetof  paper,  I 
will  divide  it  into  three  heads.  First,  The  reason  why  /address  you  instead  of 
the  vicar ;— Secondly,  The  temporal  affairs  of  the  parish; — and,  Thirdly,  The 
state  of  tbe  people,  as  to  religion. 

"  First,  I  must  observe,  after  the  death  of  my  dear  husband,  (whose  unwearied 
labours,  and  unexampled  meekness,  had  left  on  the  minds  of  the  people  the 
keenest  conviction  of  their  loss,)  the  mantle  seemed  to  foil  on  a  young  gentleman, 
named  Home,  (at  that  time  one  of  tbe  preachers  on  the  circuit,)  whom  my  dear 
husband  had  before  mentioned  as  the  man  he  wished  to  be  his  successor.  There 
were  great  difficulties  in  the  way ;  he,  however,  did  take  his  place,  and  continued 
with  us  between  five  and  six  years.  But  the  Lord,  who  holds  the  stars  in  his 
right  hand,  saw  good  to  call  him  to  Africa.  The  departure  of  Mr.  and  Mrs 
Home  was  a  great  loss  to  me,  because  in  every  thing  we  acted  mutually.  The 
orphans  of  my  beloved  partner  Were  dear  tome,  and  I  to  them ;  and  Mr.  Home 
considered  them  as  consigned  to  his  care  by  a  man  whom  he  esteemed  above  all 
others.  But  .the  Lord  has  been  pleased  to  part  us ;  and,  as  we  love  his  will,  we 
cheerfully  say,  Let  it  in  all  things  be  done.  When  he  left  us,  Mr.  Burton,  the 
vicar,  a  mild,  sweet  tempered  man,  desired  the  religious  part  of  the  parish  to 
please  themselves  in  the  choice  of  a  curate.  When  I  informed  him,  the  ether 
day,  that  after  having  sought  after  several,  we  had  been  disappoint?d;  he  replied, 
'  I  am  sorry  for  it.  I  had  rather  that  Mrs.  Fletcher  would  choose  one,  (though  I 
have  many  applications,)  for  she  knows  the  mind  of  the  parish  better  than  1  do ; 
and  whoever  she  recommends  I  will  accept.'  On  that  account  it  is,  sir,  that  I  am 
the  person  to  address  you.  Secondly,  As  to  the  temporal  affairs, — Our  church  is 
far  too  small  for  the  inhabitants,  and  yet  so  awkwardly  buili,  that  it  requires  a 
very  good  voice  to  be  heard  in  it  It  is  however  proposed  to  erect  a  larger  about 
a  mile  off,  as  this  is  near  falling  down.  That  will  be  more  in  the  centre  of  tb» 


P-ART  VIII.]  '        MRS.   FLETCHER.  297 

the  Church,  and  so  have  the  united  friends  in  Madeley.  In 
some  measure  we  are  now  pushed  out.  O  let  not  one  word  of 
this  be  left  out.  What  I  mean  by  being  pushed  out  is, — The 
Church  minister  has  repeatedly  expressed  a  wish  that  the 

parish,  and  more  commodious.  As  to  the  third  head, — Those  who  are  religion.; 
in  the  parish,  as  well  as  those  who  attend  from  more  distant  places,  are  a  simple 
ijuiet  people,  all  of 'one%ind.  They  know  nothing  of  dispute,  nor  think  of  any 
jarring  doctrine.  The  dove-like  spirit  of  my  precious  husband  rests  much  on  his 
dock,  and  they  receive,  as  from  hrciven.  every  messenger  who  comes  unto  tlwui 
As  to  the  service  or  duty  required, — you  may  do  what  you  will  here.  Every 
thing  good  goes  down  at  Madeley,  if  it  has  but  unction.  My  dear  husband,  and 
Mr.  Home,  used  to  go  through  the  whole  service  at  church  morning  and  after- 
noon, and  then  preach  at  the  Dale,  or  the  Wood,  the  two  other  ends  of  the  parish, 
at  night.  By  that  means  they  saw  many  who  did  not  come  to  the  church  ;  and 
at  church  there  are  many  who  never  hear  elsewhere. 

"  I  think  I  have  now  given  you  as  full  an  answer  as  I  am  able ;  but  I  must  be* 
311  immediate  reply,  as  there  are  several  curates  waiting  for  theirs, — and  we  ar- 
quite  unsettled.  And,  please  to  be  clear  in  your  answer  when  you  can  come.  I 
should  rejoice  to  see  a  Gospel  ministry  fixed  here  before  my  death. 

"  That  the  Lord  may  direct  you  with  clear  light  and  give  both  you  and  your 
partner  to  discern  your  way  before  you,  is  the  prayer  of, 

'•  Rev.  sir,  your  friend  and  servant, 

"M.  FLETCHEB." 

h  appears,  that  soon  after  this  gentleman  came  to  the  parish,  he  became  uneasy 
about  his  situation.     Having  expressed  his  dissatisfaction  to  Mrs.  Fl> .'. 
wrote  to  him  the  following  letter : — 

"Mv  DEAR  FRIEND, — Since  our  conversation  the  other  morning,  gome 
thoughts  have  arisen  in  my  mind  which  I  believe  will  not  be  unacceptable  to  you. 
You  will  not  reject  a  word  of  advice,  even  from  an  inferior. 

"  I  am  persuaded  you  will  clear  me  from  the  idea  of  having  deceived  you  in  any 
thing.     1  told  you,  on  your  first  visit  to  my  house,  we  were  joined  to  that  body 
of  people  called  Methodists,  and  asked,  Are  you  willing  to  labour  among  a  com- 
pany of  Methodists?    To  which  you  answered  in  the  affirmative.     This  gave 
me  a  convincing  proof  it  was  not  your  own,  but  God's  honour  you  w< •! 
This  also  engaged  the  hearts  of  the  serious  part  of  the  parish  toward  • 
caused  them  to  receive  you  with  open  arms,  as  one  who  would  walk  in 
of  vour  worthy  predecessor.     Now  I  would  observe,  should  such  a  th 
suggested,  that  it  would  be  better  for  them  to  leave  that  connection,  (unil. 
several  have  been  called.)  and  consider  themselves  as  only  -Jelonging  to  you ,  i' 
I  sav,  such  a  proposal  was  to  tw  made,  mi_'ht  it  not  I*  the  iivw; 
first' seeds  of  division  ever  known' in  Madeley  7    This.  I  am  sinv,  w,m!.i 
painful  to  yovi.  I  do  not  believe  you  meant  to  do  so :  t  bought*  before 

you  as  an  antidote  to  such  a  temptation,  should  it  ever  arise. 
"    "Should  that  people,  among  whom,  at  present,  the  Lordsoemin.  L 
should  they  decline  from  the  pure  worrhip  of  God,— In  that  e  • 
would  naturally  cleave  to  you.     But  while  the  Lord  does  carry  on  i 
anwng  them,  let  us  be  found  with  God  and  his  people ;  '  Yea,  1. 
with  bread  and  with  water  in  the  way.' 

"  SomR  years  a-o.  a  "entlernan  whom  I  well  ki,p\v  and  loved, 
a  few  miles  from  where  I  lived.     1  Mi<-v.>th«*r.>  wrrc  alvut  n  hm 
in  the  place.     They  were  delighted  with  him^and  all  went  .». 
rtosed  to  dissolve  the  society,  and  have  only  onr  of  his  nwn.    The 
consented ;  he  applied  to  Mr.  Wesley,  and  the  preachers  were  withdrawn.    Hot, 

nan,  though  he  was  an  upright  soul,  he  had  not  Mgood  gil 
•is  for  preaching— he  found  much  trouble  and  confusion  arose.     1  h.-  {»•.  ipte  I 
to  scatter.     Another  living  then  presented  itself!  which  he  accepted  to  the  grea 
o'T*KC  of  those  who  had  left  their  first  path  to  follow  him.     After  this,  they  who 


298  THE   LIFE  OV  [PART  VIII, 

Methodists  should  be  a  separate  people ;  as  he  always  thought 
it  best  for  the  Church  people,  and  the  people  called  Methodists, 
to  move  in  distinct  lines. 

August  6. — Blessed  be  the  Lord,  the  work  goes  on,  and  I  feel 
very  thankful  that  the  Lord  has  answered  prayer  in  the  appoint- 
ment of  our  preachers.  I  do  feel  the  Lord  orders  all. 

August  14. — Thirty  years,  this  day,  I  dr»nk  the  bitter  cup, 
and  closed  the  eyes  of  my  beloved  husband ;  and  now  I  am 
myself  in  a  dying  state.  Lord  prepare  me!  I  feel  death  very 
near.  My  soul  doth  wait,  and  long  to  fly  to  the  bosom  of  my 

had  been  Methodists  wrote  to  Mr.  Wesley,  and  got  the  preachers  again ;  and,  in 
a  f"w  years  after,  there  were  twelve  hundred  members  in  that  society. 

"  I  acknowledge,  dear  sir,  there  may  be  some  humiliation  in  thus  acting  in 
eoncert  with  others.  But  is  not  humiliation  the  only  way  to  exaltation  1  Do  we 
ever  rise  in  the  divine  life,  but  in  proportion  as  we  sink"!  If  the  prophets  of  the 
Jx>rd  were  sawn  asunder,  tcore  stoned ;  if  they  wandered  about  in  dens  and 
caves  of  the  earth — shall  we  start  at  a  few  trials  which  may,  in  a  email  degree, 
Jay  our  honour  in  the  dust,  when  the  honour  of  our  heavenly  Father  is  advanced 
(J:  reby?  I  say  again,  should  the  Methodists  decline,  (which  God  forbid,)  they 
w;>uld  soon  cast  us  off  if  we  did  not  decline  with  them. 

'•'  When  the  people  of  this  place  have  had,  by  some  years'  experience,  a  full 
proof  of  your  holy  and  close  walk  .with  God,  the  purity  of  your  doctrine,  and  the 
unchangeableness  of  your  affection;'  that  you  hare  them  in  your  heart  to  line  and 
die  trith  them ;  they  will  then  cleave  to  you  with  an  undivided  love,  discerning 
that  the  Lord  has  said  unto  you,  Behold  your  children  :  and  in  their  hearts,  Be- 
hold  your  father.  A  great  step  toward  this  has  already  been  taken  on  our  side : 
but  as  yet  your  mind  has  been  far  less  settled  than  ours  ;  and  perhaps  should  we 
meet  you  with  Jehu's  salutation  to  Jehonadab,  you  could  not  freely  give  us  your 
hand.  But  this  does  not  discourage  me.  I  impute  it  to  the  opposition  of  Satan, 
who  sees  you  are  in  your  right  place  and  in  your  right  order — as  a  stone  now 
let  into  that  very  part  of  the  building  where  God  designs  you  to  be ;  and  he  would 
fain  disorder  the  whole  by  throwing  you  cut,  either  through  discouragement  or 
by  any  other  way. 

"Permit  me  to  add,  I  am  more  and  more  convinced  that  you  are  the  gift  of 
God  to  us — to  me  in  particular,  an  answer  to  my  own  prayer.  I  daily  feel  an 
encouraging  union  with  both  yourself  and  Mrs.  Walter.  I  often  boast  to  the 
preachers  of  the  sweetness  of  your  spirit,  and  the  union  of  your  heart  in  the  work. 
O  let  not  my  boasting  be  ever  vain  ;  but  when  I  close  my  eyes  in  Madeley,  Jet 
me  have  the  satisfaction  to  behold  from  the  upper  world,  that  the  dove-like  spirit 
which  so  eminently  reigned  in  my  dear  husband  has  dropped,  as  his  mantle,  upon 
yon,  and  that  it  shines  forth  as  a  double  portion. 

' :  Having  an  hour  at  command,  I  have  freely  opened  my  heart  to  you.  Receive 
it  as,  perhaps,  the  dying  advice  of  one  who  earnestly  prays  you  may  be  filled 
with  all  the  fulness  of  God."* 

The  result  of  this  most  affectionate  and  pious  epistle,  was,  that  Mr.  W.  teas 
fully  delivered  from  his  uneasiness,  and  for  twenty-one  years  laboured,  in  the 
most  affectionate  and  f  lithful  manner,  for  the  good  of  the  parish,  and  in  every 
part  of  it  to  the  great  edification  of  .the  people.  His  excellent  partner,  who  was 
closely  connected  with,  and  very  dear  to  Mrs.  Fletcher,  died  at  Madeley,  in  the 
full  triumph  of  faith.  See  page  fc34. 

I  am  happy  to  add,  that  the  people,  who  were  thus  obliged-  to  become  a  dis- 
tinct body,  have  not  separated  from  the  Church,  but  still  attend  the  public  service 
there. — ED. 

*  This  letter,  which  is  in  Mrs.  Fletcher's  own  hand,  has  neither  date  nor  sign*- 
nire,  but  it  was  evidently  written  cc^long  after  the  former.— ED. 


PART  VIII.]  MRS.   FLETCHER.  299 

God !  Come,  my  adorable  Saviour !  I  lie  at  thy  feet ;  I  long  for 
all  thy  fulness !  Bless  my  dear  and  faithful  friend.  Keep  her 
secure ;  I  long  for  the  day  when  we  shall  all  meet  above ! 

September  12.— This  day  I  am  seventy-six  years  old,  and  the 
same  day  my  dear  husband  would  have  been  eighty-six.  Surely 
we  shall  remember  the  scenes  we  have  had  together.  But,  O  my 
God,  give  me  power  to  cleave  to  thee  every  moment!  I  feel 
the  powers  of  darkness  are  vehemently  striving  to  distract  and 
hinder  me.  O  my  God  and  Father,  enable  me  to  walk  in  thy 
constant  presence !  O  Jesus,  Jesus !  fill  me  with  thy  love, 
pour  out  thy  Spirit  abundantly  upon  me,  and  make  mv  heart 
thy  constant  home ! 

September  27. — I  am  filled  with  mercies ;  but  I  want  to  be 
filled  with  holiness.  O  show  thy  lovely  face !  Draw  me  more 
close  to  thyself!  I  long,  I  wait  fora  closer  union.  It  is  amazing 
under  how  many  complaints  I  still  live  !  But  they  are  held  by 
the  hand  of  the  Lord.  On  the  Monday  evenings  I  have  had 
some  power  to  read  and  speak  at  the  room  till  the  nights  grew 
dark ;  but  on  Sunday  noon  I  have  yet  liberty,  though  my  eyes 
are  so  bad  and  sore.  The  LorA  helps  me  wonderfully.  In  the 
class  also,  in  the  morning,  the  Lord  doth  help.  O  for  entire 
holiness ! 

October  26. — I  have  had  a  bad  night;  but  asking  help  of  the 
Lord  for  closer  communion,  my  precious  Lord  applied  that 
word,  /  have  borne  thy  sins  in  my  own  body  on  the  tree.  I 
felt  his  presence.  I  seem  very  near  death ;  but  I  long  to  fly 
into  the  arms  of  my  beloved  Lord.  I  feel  his  loving  kindness 
surrounds  me. 

Mrs.  Fletcher's  journal  ends  here.     I  believe  she  wrote  no 
more.     She  died  on  the  ninth  day  of  the  December  following. 
The  particulars  of  her  last  illness,  and  of  her  departure,  are 
supplied  by  Miss  Tooth.     I  extract  them  from  the  short  account 
which  she  published  soon  after  the  death  of  her  venerable  friend. 
For  the  last  month  of  Mrs.  Fletcher's  life,  her  breath  v.as 
more  oppressed  than  usual ;  it  had  been  much  affected  for  some 
years  upon  motion :  yet  when  she  sat  still,  or  laid  herself  down 
at  night,  she  could  breathe  quite  easy.    But  in  the  middle  of 
November,  her  breathing  was  affected,  both  while  she  sat  still, 
and  when  she  was  laid  down.    She  had  also  a  very  trouble-  I 
some  cough.     By  these  her  strength  quickly  declined.    She 
had  had  a  wound  for  two  years  and  three  quarters  in  one  side 
of  her  left  breast,  which  was  at  first  supposed  to  be  a  cancer : 
but  her  sufferings  from  this  were  not  to  be  compared  with  what 
she  suffered  from  difficulty  of  breathing.    Yet  she  would  speak 
to  the  people,  though,  as  she  said,  "  It  is  like  as  if  every  meet- 
ing would  take  away  my  life ;  but  I  will  speak  to  them  while  I 
have  any  breath." 
One  day,  when  her  sufferings  were  rreat,  she  seid,  '•  How 


300  THE   LIFE  OF  [PART  VJ1I, 

sweet  are  the  words  of  the  apostle,  '  The  sufferings  of  this  life 
are  not  worthy  to  be  compared  with  the  glory  that  shall  follow !' " 
And  on  the  llth  of  November  she  mentioned  the  divine  aid  she 
found  in  these  words,  "Call  upon  me  in  the  time  of  trouble;  so 
will  I  hear  thee,  and  thou  shalt  glorify  me:"  these  words  she 
frequently  repeated,  and  sometimes  would  add,  "  Yes,  my  Lord, 
I  will  call  upon  thee ;  and  I  shall  glorify  thee  too." 

Another  time  she  said,  with  peculiar  energy,  •«  They  that 
trust  in  the  Lord  shall  never  be  confounded."  She  added  also, 
with  much  animation  in  her  countenance,  "  That  promise  given 
me  so  many  years  ago  now  comes  with  fresh  power,  '  Thou 
shalt  walk  with  me  in  white.'  And  that  also,  '  I  will  thoroughly 
purge  away  thy  dross,  and  take  away  thy  tin.' "  She  added, 

"  '  Everlasting  life  is  won, 
Glory  is  on  earth  begun.1 " 

On  the  18th  of  November,  she  often  repeated,  with  much 
animation, 

"  I  am  thine,  and  thou  art  mine, 
A  bond  eternal  hath  us  join'd." 

Indeed,  the  goodness  of  the  Lord,  and  the  great  things  that 
faith  will  do,  were  subjects  on  which  she  delighted  to  dwell.  I 
have  often  heard  her  say,  the  particular  commission  the  Lord 
had  given  her,  was  to  encourage  souls  to  believe  ;  and  herein 
she  certainly  was  greatly  blessed  to  many. 

On  the  23d,  she  many  times  repeated  these  words,  which, 
she  said,  came  to  her  with  unusual  sweetness  in  the  night, 

"  Thy  righteousness  wearing,  and  cleansed  by  thy  blood, 
Bold  shall  I  appear  in  the  presence  of  God." 

All  this  day  she  had  a  great  degree  of  fever  upon  her,  yet  she 
would  sometimes  say  to  me,  "  What  were  the  sweet  words  the 
Lord  gave  me  last  night  ?"  As  soon  as  I  pronounced  the  first 
word,  she  would  go  on  with  the  rest,  and  add,  "  I  feel  the  power 
of  them,  though  my  head  is  so  confused  with  this  fever,  that  I 
could  not  immediately  recollect  them." 

On  the  6th  of  December,  while  looking  on  me  with  the 
tenderest  affection,  she  said,  "  My  faithful  friend,  my  dearest 
friend ;  ten  thousand  blessings  on  her  head."  She  continued 
also  to  cry  to  God  for  a  blessing  upon  several  persons  whom 
she  mentioned;  and  upon  all  her  relations:  though  they  were 
so  far  from  her  in  body,  they  were  to  the  last  interested  in  her 
prayers ;  and  she  would  frequently  plead  with  the  Lord,  that 
one  day  she  might  meet  them  all  in  glory.  From  the  beginning 
of  December,  she  dozed  much,  whenever  the  cough  and  the 
oppression  upon  her  breath,  would  allow  her  any  ease.  This 
she  often  complained  of,  saying,  "  I  lose  my  time ;  I  want  every 
moment  to  be  spent  in  prayer  or  praise." 

On  the  same  day,  when  waking  out  of  a  doze,  she  said.  "  \ 


PART  VIII.)  MRS.  FLETCHER.  301 

am  drawing  near  to  glory;"  and,  soon  after,, ,«' There  is  my 
house  and  portion  fair;"  and  again,  "Jesus,  cofne,  my  hope  of 
glory:"  and,  after  a  short  pause,  "He  lifts  his  hands  and 
shows  that  I  am  graven  there."  The  two  following  days  were 
indeed  days  of  love  and  praise.  Mrs.  Perks  and  others  visited 
her,  upon  whom  she  prayed  the  choicest  blessings  might 
descend. 

The  day  following,  the  8th,  her  breathing  was  exceedingly 
difficult.  In  the  morning  she  had  walked  into  the  other  room, 
as  usual,  with  only  the  help  of  my  arm.  In  the  middle  of  the 
day  she  wished  to  go  into  the  chamber  again,  and  I  led  her,  as 
at  other  times ;  but  she  was  now  weaker,  and  I  could  scarcely 
keep  her  from  falling.  I  therefore  asked  her  to  sit  down  in  a 
chair,  which  she  did,  and  I  wheeled  her  back  again :  with  this 
she  was  much  pleased,  and  said,  the  exercise  had  done  her 
good.  All  the  Afternoon  she  was  extremely  ill,  either  hot  to  a 
great  degree,  shivering  with  cold,  or  very  drowsy;  but  through 
all,  her  mouth  was  full  of  the  loving  kindness  of  the  Lord. 

At  night,  she  said  she  would  not  go  to  bed  till  after  ten 
o'clock.  We  prayed  together  before  we  went  into  the  cham- 
ber ;  but  her  breath  being  so  greatly  oppressed,  she  prayed  but 
a  short  time.  She  then  said,  "  Call  upon  the  Lord."  When  I 
concluded,  she  said  it  was  a  very  comfortable  time ;  and  having 
heard,  in  the  afternoon,  that  Dr.  Yonge,  (who  had  always 
shown  her  the  greatest  attention^  was  iB,  she  prayed  particu- 
larly for  him. 

When  we  were  ready  to  go  into  the  chamber,  after  ten 
o'clock,  I  got  her  into  the  chair,  hut  she  was  now  weaker  than 
at  noon.  However,  I  wheeled  her  to  the  bed  side,  and  could 
not  but  look  upon  her  as  dying ;  and  indeed  so  she  consideied 
herself,  for  when  in  bed,  she  said,  "  My  love,  this  is  the  last 
time  I  shall  get  into  bed ;  it  has  been  hard  work  to  get  in,  but 
it  is  work  I  shall  do  no  more.  This  oppression  upon  my  breath 
cannot  last  long ;  but  all  is  well.  The  Lord  will  shower  down 
ten  thousand  blessings  upon  thee,  my  tender  nurse,  my  kind 
friend." 

After  these  and  many  more  kind  expressions  to  the  same 
effect,  she  desired  I  would  make  haste  to  bed.  I  entreated  her 
to  let  me  sit  up,  repeatedly  saying,  "  Do  let  me  watch  with  you 
this  one  night;"  but  with  all  the  tenderness  imaginable,  yet 
with  that  degree  of  firmness  which  made  me  unwilling  to  urge 
the  request  farther,  she  said,  "Go  to  bed;  you  have  done  all 
for  me  you  can  do.  You  know  you  can  be  with  me  in  a  m*. 
ment  if  I  want  you;  but  if  you  sit  up  it  will  make  me  uncom- 
fortable. I  cannot  rest  without  you  go  to  bed."  After  I  had 
made  all  the  excuses  I  could  for  remaining  up,  and  look 
upon  her  dear  countenance  as  long  as  her  kind  concern  for  me 
would  admit,  she  again  urged  my  going  to  bed ;  and  I  there 
26 


302  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VIII. 

laid  me  within  the  bed  clothes,  without  undressing.  She  then 
asked,  "Are  you  in  bed,  ray  love  ?"  I  answered,  "  Yes."  She 
then  said,  '*  That's  right, — now  if  I  can  rest,  I  will ;  but  let 
our  hearts  be  united  in  prayer,  and  the  Lord  bless  both  thee 
and  me !" 

These  were  the  last  words  her  beloved  lips  uttered ;  for  some 
time  after  this,  about  one  o'clock  in  the  morning  of  December 
9th,  the  noise  her  breath  had  so  long  made,  ceased.  I  thought, 
Is  she  dropped  asleep?  It  immediately  came  to  my  mind, 
"  Asleep  in  Jesus  !  See,  a  soul  escaped  to  bliss."  I  went  directly 
to  her  bed  side,  where  I  found  the  beloved  body  without  the 
immortal  spirit,  which  had  entered  the  realms  of  endless  day. 
My  feelings  are  not  to  be  described ;  I  clung  to  the  casket  of 
the  saint.  I  knelt  down  by  the  side  of  it,  and  cried  to  Him  who 
had  just  now  called  home  the  spirit  of  my  friend,  that  some 
portion  of  her  spirit  might  rest  on  me.  At  length  I  thought  I 
should  injure  her  dear  remains,  if  I  did  not  call  the  family  up. 
I  therefore  went  and  called  my  sister  and  the  servant,  at  half 
past  one ;  after  which  I  sent  for  Mrs.  Perks,  who  kindly  came 
over  immediately.  I  never  left  the  chamber,  while  any  thing 
could  be  done  for  her :  I  had  promised  to  be  with  her  to  the 
last,  and  the  Lord  enabled  rne  so  to  do. 

Her  countenance  was  as  sweet  a  one  as  was  ever  seen  in 
death.  There  was  at  the  last  neither  sigh,  groan,  or  struggle  ; 
and  she  had  all  the  appearance  of  a  person  in  the  most  com- 
posed slumber.  When  I  first  undrew  the  curtain,  and  saw  her 
dear  head  dropped  off  the  pillow,  and  looking  so  sweetly  com- 
posed, I  could  not  persuade  myself  the  spirit  was  fled,  till  I  took 
her  in  my  arms,  and  found  no  motion  left.  I  then  perceived 
the  moment  she  had  so  much  longed  for  had  arrived, — the 
happy  moment  when  she  should  gain  the  blissful  shore,  and 

"  See  the  Lamb  in  glory  stand, 
Encircled  with  his  radiant  band, 
And  join  the  angelic  powers." 

Well, 

"  AH  that  height  of  gloiious  bliss 
Her  everlasting  portion  is, — 
And  all  that  heaven  is  ours." 


FART  VHI.J  MRS.  FLETCHER.  303 

A  REVIEW  OF  HER  CHARACTER. 


IT  is  generally  expected  that  the  memoirs  of  eminent  persons 
should  be  accompanied  with  a  view  of  their  character,  com- 
prehending the  several  particulars  wherein  they  differed  from 
the  generality  of  mankind,  and  so  became  conspicuous.  This 
may  be,  in  general,  edifying,  and  certainly  is  not  a  difficult 
task  ;  but  it  seems  to  me  not  so  easy,  when  the  life  of  a  real 
Christian  (one  who  was  truly  such  on  the  Scripture  model)  is 
given  to  the  world.  We  do  not  find  that  the  inspired  writers 
ever  take  that  way,  although  they  had  the  greatest  characters 
on  earth  to  delineate, — even  those  of  whom  the  world  was  not 
worthy.  Mr.  Wesley  took  high  ground  when  at  Oxford,  (as 
he  informs  us,)  he  "  determined  to  devote  his  whole  life  to 
God."  Hence  the  world  knew  him  not,  because  they  knew 
not  Him  whom  he  served.  His  own  works,  especially  the 
daily  account  of  that  whole  life,  thus  devoted,  and  which  is 
contained  in  his  Journals,  can  alone  describe  the  man ;  and  if 
warranted  by  Holy  Scripture, — can  alone  show  if  indeed  he 
kept  that  ground.  Men  may  bring  their  line  and  plummet,  and 
take  the  gauge  of  excellence,  or  the  contrary,  as  they  may  be 
disposed ;  but  the  principle  of  action  lies  beyond  their  kec. 
"  He  that  is  spiritual  judgeth  all  tilings,  yet  he  himself  is 
judged  of  no  man." 

The  same  may  be  said  of  Mrs.  Fletcher.  If  she  were  only 
an  eminent  person,  and  even  eminent  in  the  church,  it  would 
be  an  easy  task  to  display  her  character  in  the  several  points 
of  view  in  which  human  attainments  may  be  exhibited,  so  aa 
to  excite  admiration,  and  stimulate  the  readers  to  an  imitation 
of  her  various  excellencies.  But  I  find  an  awe  upon  my  mind 
in  contemplating  the  task  which  may  thus  be  supposed  to  have 
fallen  upon  me  ;  and  I  recur  to  what  was  said  in  the  preface, — 
The  Life  of  Mrs.  Fletcher  will  not  be  considered  as  a  common 
biography,  but  as  an  account  of  a  work  of  the  Spirit  of  God. 
That  she  greatly  differed  from  the  generality  even  of  those 
who  have  been  favoured,  like  her,  with  eminent  talents,  and 
rich  gifts  of  providence, .will  not  be  denied  by  the  most  cursory 
reader  of  these  memoirs.  But  "who  made  her  to  differ?  And 
what  had  she  which  she  had  not  received  1"  These  questions 
we  know  were  so  received  by  her  as  to  annihilate  all  glorying 
in  the  flesh.  How  deeply  she  felt  all  this  glory  swallowed  up 
in  shame,  need  not  now  be  set  forth  by  me.  She  came  to  the 
throne  of  grace,  not  with  the  humility  of  a  creature,  (which 
the  holy  angels  well  understand,  and  deeply  feel,)  but  with  the 
humility  of  a  sinner,  pleading  only,  the  only  true  plea, 


304  THE  LIFE  or  [PART  vm, 

"Dust  and  ashes  is  my  name, 
My  all  is  sin  and  misery ; 
Friend  of  sinners,  spotless  Lamb, 
Thy  blood  was  shed  for  me !" 

The  pious  reader  has  not  read  these  memoirs  in  vain.  There 
is  no  danger  that  such  a  one  will  fall  into  the  mistake  of  Agrip- 
pa,  who,  while  he  contemplated  the  great  character  of  St.  Paul 
shining  through  his  chains,  forgot  who  and  where  he  was,  and 
cried  out,  "  Almost  thou  persuadest  me  to  be  a  Christian !" 
Nor  will  he  need  the  gentle,  but  firm  correction  which  the 
loving  Apostle  gave  to  that  prince, — "  I  would  to  God,  that  not 
only  thou,  but  also  all  that,  hear  me  this  day,  were  both  almost, 
and  altogether  such  as  I  am,  except  these  bonds :"  thus  inti- 
mating, that,  as  "  no  man  can  call  Jesus  Lord,  but  by  the  Holy 
Ghost,"  so  no  man  can  be  a  Christian,  but  by  being  created 
anew  in  Christ  Jesus.* 

Before  honour  is  humility.  The  humility  that  belongs  to 
man  as  a  sinner,  we  have  already  noted.  It  has  in  it  the  sen- 
tence of  death.  A  heartfelt  acknowledgment,  that  it  is  just 
this  sentence  should  take  place,  and  that  in  us  dwelleth  no 
good  thing,  is  that  humility  which  is  alone  founded  in  truth. 
Blessed  are  they  who  are  thus  "  poor  in  spirit,  for  theirs  is  the 
kingdom  of  heaven," — even  "  righteousness,  and  peace,  and 
joy  in  the  Holy  Ghost."  These  "unsearchable  riches  of 
"Christ"  are  made  theirs  by  the  "  Holy  Ghost,  who  glorifies 
the  Saviour."  Mrs.  Fletcher's  heart  was  thus,  like  Lydia's, 
opened,  and  "filled  with  peace  and  joy  in  believirg."  And 
she  never  lost  the  heavenly  blessing.  She  kept  her  poverty, 
and  she  retained  her  kingdom. 

Like  her  admirable  husband,  Mrs.  Fletcher  did  not  rest 
satisfied  with  being  "  plucked  as  a  brand  from  the  burning :  she 
had  not  so  learned  Christ.  Leaving  therefore  the  principles 
of  the  doctrine  of  Christ,  she  went  on  unto  perfection."  Her 
eyes  seemed  ever  fixed  on  "the  robe  washed  and  made  white 
in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb.  The  work  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  sanc- 
tifying the  believer,  body,  soul,  and  spirit,"  slie  knew  was  as 
necessary  to  eternal  salvation,  as  the  work  of  the  Saviour 
upon  the  cross.  The  Lord  put  that  cry  into  her  heart, 

"  Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Ghost, 
Be  to  me  what  Adiim  lost" 

Nor  did  she  forget  that  "far  more  exceeding  and  eternal 
weight  of  glory,"  that  is  become  the  privilege  of  beliewa,  in 
consequence  of  God  the  Son,  and  not  Adam,  being  nO«;the 
head  of  the  human  race.  •'  Beholding  with  unveiMfac<?4bJB 
glory  of  the  Lord,"  in  the  salvation  of  guilty  and*ii»(ul  man, 

•*' 
*  See  Mr.  Wesley's  admiraUe  nots  on  the  passage,  Acts  xivi,  89. 


VIII.]  MRS.    FLETCHER.  305 

"  Her  soul  broke  out  in  strong  desire, 

The  perfect  bliss  to  prove : 
Her  longing  heart  was  all  on  fire, 
To  be  renew'd  in  love." 

A  good  judge  of  religion,  as  exhibited  in  the  gracious  reco- 
very of  fallen  man,*  being,  many  years  ago,  asked  his  opinion 
of  the  vicar  of  Madeley,  replied, — "  There  is  no  occasion  of 
stumbling  in  him.  Sot  down  any  of  the  Scriptural  marks  of 
a  Christian,  or  a  true  Christian  minister,  and  I  will  engage  he 
will  not  be  found  deficient."  We  know  there  are  strong  por- 
traits in  the  Sacred  Word  drawn  by  the  pencil  of  truth,  of 
those  who  "  added  to  their  faith  virtue,  and  to  virtue  know- 
ledge, and  to  knowledge  temperance,  and  to  temperance 
patience,  and  to  patience  godliness,  and  to  godliness  brotherly 
kindness,  and  to  brotherly  kindness  charity ;"  and  I  believe 
the  pious  reader  of  her  life  will  not  be  disposed  to  doubt,  that 
these  things  were  evidently  in  Mrs.  Fletcher  also,  and  that 
they  abounded ;  making  her  neither  barren  nor  unfruitful 
in  the  knowledge  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ. 

No  man  could  better  detect  the  deceitfulness  of  the  human 
heart,  even  in  those  who  are  religiously  disposed,  than  her 
admirable  husband  has  done;  especially  when  treating  his 
favourite  subject, — (the  subject  also  of  his  Divine  Master  in 
his  sermon  on  the  mount,) — Christian  Perfection.  Addressing 
those  whom  he  calls,  "  Perfect  Christian  Pharisees,"  he  ob- 
serves,— "  Ye  are  most  ready  to  profess  Christian  Perfection, 
though,  alas !  ye  stand  at  the  utmost  distance  from  perfect 
humility,  the  grace  most  essential  to  the  Christian  character. 
You  have  professedly  entered  into  the  fold  where  Christ's 
sheep,  who  are  perfected  in  love,  rest  all  at  each  other's  feet, 
and  at  the  feet  of  the  Lamb  of  God.  But  how  have  you  enter- 
ed 1  Not  by  "Christ  the  door,"  for  Christ  is  "  meekness  and 
lowliness"  manifested  in  the  flesh  ;  but  ye  are  still  ungentle, 
and  fond  of  praise.  Your  proud  minds  are  above  stooping  low 
to  follow  him,  who  "made  himself  of  no  reputation,"  that  he 
might  raise  us  to  heavenly  honours ;  and  who,  to  pour  JUP t 
contempt  on  human  pride,  had  his  first  night's  lodging  in  a 
stable,  and  gpent  his  last  night  partly  on  the  cold  ground  in  an 
agony,  and  partly  in  an  ignominious  confinement,  exposed  to 
the  greatest  indignities.  He  rested  his  infant  head  upon  hay, 
his  dying  head  upon  thorns.  A  manger  was  his  cradle,  and  a 
cross  his  death  bed.  Thirty  years  he  travelled  from  the  Rordid 
stable  to  the  accursed  tree.  Shepherds  were  his  first  attend- 
ants, and  malefactors  his  last  companions. 

"  Now  far  from  practising  with  godly  sincerity  either  his 
first  lesson,  '  Blessed  are  the  poor  in  spirit,'  or  those  which  he 

*  The  Rev  John  Owen,  some  lime  Mr.  Fletcher's  curate,  a  gentlemmu  after- 
ward well  known,  and  highly  respected  in  India  and  in  Eigland. 

26* 


306  THE  LIFE  OF  [PART  VIII, 

afterward  inculcated,  ye  abhor  penitential  poverty.  Your, 
humility  is  not  cordial.  You  are  humble  in  looks,  in  gestures, 
in  voice,  in  dress,  in  behaviour,  from  motives  of  Pha  Isaic  am- 
bition. But  ye  continue  strangers  to  the  unaffected  simplicity 
and  lowliness  of  Christ's  perfect  disciples.  Ye  choose  the 
lowest  place,  but  ye  do  not  love  it.  If  you  cheerfully  take  it, 
it  is  not  among  your  equals,  but  your  inferiors :  and  because 
you  hope  that  men  will  say  to  yon,  '  Come  up  higher.'  Ye 
still  aim  at  some  wrong  mark.  Ye  have  a  narrow  contracted 
spirit.  Ye  do  not  gladly  sacrifice  your  private  satisfaction, 
your  interest,  your  reputation,  your  prejudices,  to  the  general 
interest  of  truth  and  love,  and  to  the  public  good  of  the  whole 
body  of  Christ." 

Let  Mrs.  Fletcher  be  proved  by  these  high  principles.  How 
often,  how  continually,  do  we  find  her  in  these  memoirs,  trying 
herself  by,  and  aiming  to,  walk  according  to  them  !  How  con- 
stantly did  she  struggle  against  the  root  of  all  this  corruption! 
How  perseveringly  did  she  eye  the  footsteps  of  her  Divine 
Muster,  making  it  the  one  desire  of  her  whole  life, — "to  be 
conformed  to  the  image  of  the  Son  of  God  !" 

Many  who  have  aimed  at  living  unto  God,  according  to  the 
full  spiritual  rule  of  the  Gospel,  have  been  sometimes  charged 
with  neglecting,  or  lightly  esteeming  the  Divine  Atonement. 
This  is  certainly  true  of  several  eminent  persons,  who  have  in 
this  Way  of  defective  faith,  professed  to  "  follow  on  to  know 
the  Lord."  Very  celebrated  names,  and  in  whom  was  found 
much  of  the  Christian  character,  have  thus  "  gone  about  to 
establish  their  own  righteousness ;"  and  in  a  way  so  refined, 
that  they  seemed  to  defy  detection.  But  have  they  not  "la- 
boured in  vain,  and  bpcnt  their  strength  for  nought  ?•"  Has 
not  a  spirit  of  bondage  been  manifest  in  their  approaches  to 
God,  and  in  their  religious  communion  with  men  ?  True  repose 
and  liberty  of  spirit,  while  contending  against  sin,  can  only  be 
found  in  "  the  blood  of  the  covenant."  If  our  abode  be  not 
the  horrible  pit  of  guilt  and  corruption,  shall  we  not  walk  in 
the  miry  clay  of  doubt  and  fear,  if  we  thus  forsake  "  the  strong 
rock?"  I  trust  the  pious  reader  has  seen  that  Mrs.  Fletcher 
never  forsook  it ;  never  gave  place  to  this  refined  temptation. 
As  she  "  magnified  the  law  and  made  it  honourable,"  as  the 
rule  of  life,  so  she  magnified  that  perfect  and  infinitely  meri- 
torious "sacrifice  offered  to  God,  through  the  eternal  Spirit." 
It  was  her  all  in  all,  whether  as  "  a  babe  in  Christ,"  holding 
him  with  a  trembling  hand,  or  as  "a  mother  in  Israel,"  esta- 
blished, strengthened,  and  settled.  The  language  of  her  heart 
was,  throughout  her  whole  course,  Every  moment,  Lord,  I 
want  the  merit  of  thy  death. 

Of  her  ordinary  walk,  the  most  competent  witness  now  alive 
has,  in  the  fulness  of  her  heart,  given  us  some  striking  particu- 


.PART  Till.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  307 

lars.    Speaking  of  her  domestic  life,  Miss  Tooth  observes, 

"She  was  one  of  a  thousand,  as  of  mercy  so  of  economy; 
always  sparing  of  expense  upon  herself,  that  she  might  have 
the  more  to  give  to  the  household  of  faith."  She  would  often 
say,  "  God's  receivers  upon  earth,  are  Christ's  church,  and  hie 
poor."  When  I  have  proposed  the  purchase  of  some  article 
of  clothing  for  her,  she  would  ask,  "  Is  it  quite  necessary  ?  If 
not,  do  not  buy  ;  it  will  be  much  better  to  give  the  money  to 
some  of  our  poor  neighbours,  than  to  lay  it  out  upon  me." 
Nor  was  this  once  only ;  it  was  invariably  her  conduct,  and 
with  great  truth  it  might  be  constantly  said  of  her  also,  that 
"V/lmt  her  charity  impair?, 
She  saves  by  prudence  in  affairs." 

"  She  was  always  remarkably  exact  in  setting  down  every 
penny  she  expended.  She  kept  four  different  accounts,  in  which 
all  she  spent  was  included.  These  four  were,  the  house,  sun- 
dries, clothes,  and  poor.  We  have  often  at  the  end  of  the  year 
been  astonished  to  find  the  house  expenses  so  small,  consider- 
ing how  many  had  shared  with  us.  At  such  times  she  has  said, 
'  It  is  the  Lord  who  has  blessed  our  bread  and  water.'  I  have 
in  former  years  taken  up  the  book  in  which  she  kept  her  ac- 
counts, and  wept  over  it,  with  the  consideration,  that  I  should 
one  day  probably  have  to  settle  it  alone  ;  and  now  I  drink  of 
the  bitter  cup.  A 'few  days  ago  I  entered  upon  the  work  ;  and 
I  think  it  right,  as  a  confirmation  of  what  I  have  before  ad- 
vanced, to  state  the  difference  between  the  expenses  of  her 
clothes,  and  what  she  dispensed  to  the  poor.  On  making  up 
the  account  of  her  apparel,  I  found  the  whole  year's  expenditure 
amounted  to  nineteen  shillings  and  sixpence ;  this  was  every 
penny  that  had  been  laid  out  on  her  own  person  for  the  whole 
year.  The  expense  was  not  always  so  small,  but  I  believe  it 
never  amounted  to  five  pounds. 

"  I  then  made  up  the  poor's  account,  and  found  the  amount 
to  be  181/.  16.9.  Id.  Thus  liberally  had  she  dispensed  abroad. 
But  her  desire  of  communicating  comfort  to  the  afflicted  was 
very  extensive  :  I  do  not  think  she  ever  heard  of  a  person  in 
distress,  but,  if  in  her  power  to  do  it,  she  by  some  means  con- 
trived to  send  relief.  To  comfort  the  distressed  was  always  a 
real  comfort  to  her.  With  regard  to  tihis  world's  wealth,  it  was 
no  more  to  her  than  the  dust  on  the  balance,.  SSlic  has  often 
said,  and  I  am  sure  with  great  truth,  '  Gold  is  no  more  to  me 
than  dust;  the  gold  of  Ophir  than  the  stones  of  the  brook.'  At 
another  time  she  would  Bay,  'It  is  not  BO  important  what  we 
have,  as  how  we  use  it.' 

"  Her  love  to  every  one  was  so  abundant  that  she  was  nn- 
willing  to  find  a  fault  in  any.  She  was  ever  desirous  of  casting 
the  mantle  of  love  over  the  failings  of  others,  if  the  truth  would 
admit  of  it.  And  while  her  kindness  was  thua  extensively 


308  THE  LIFE  OF 

manifested  to  all  with  whom  she  had  any  intercourse,  her  gra- 
titude to  others,  who  showed  marks  of  love  to  her,  was  no  less. 
When  her  kind  friends  sent  her  any  thing  they  thought  would 
be  acceptable,  it  was  her  study  to  think  how  she  could  return 
them  an  equal  token  of  love  ;  and  if  nothing  was  brought  to 
her  mind  to  do  for  them  at  the  time,  she  would  say,  '  Well,  if  I 
can  do  no  more,  I  can  pray  for  them.'  I  never  knew  her  sit 
down  to  partake  of  any  thing  that  was  the  gift  of  a  friend,  with- 
out first  praying  for  the  donor. 

"  And  while  her  gratitude  to  the  creature  was  thus  evidently 
discerned,  her  praise  and  thanksgiving  to  the  Creator  was  abun- 
dant. Indeed  she  lived  in  the  spirit  of  praise,  frequently  saying, 
'  What  blessings  has  the  Lord  bestowed  upon  me  !  How  com- 
fortable has  he  made  me  in  my  old  age  ;  though  I  am  left  here, 
and  my  dearly  beloved  husband,  and  my  Sally,  in  glory,  yet  I 
know  no  lack.  And  such  a  loving  people !— I  may  well  say,  I 
dwell  among  my  own  people.'  " 

To  this  loving  faith  she  added  courage.  This  is  very  con- 
spicuous in  her  whole  life.  The  righteous,  says  Solomon,  is 
bold  as  a  lion.  This  quality,  it  is  well  known,  was  possessed 
in  a  very  high  degree  by  her  admirable  husband.  He  was 
valiant  for  the  truth,  and  a  terror  to  evil  doers.  Mrs.  Fletcher 
was  not  less  so,  allowing  for  the  difference  of  her  sex.  As  a 
fruit  of  this  Christian  courage,  a  noble  ingenuousness  was  found 
in  them  both.  Mr.  Fletcher's  striking  and  bold  discourse 
against  Popery,  (which  had  lamentably  imbued  his  parish,  be- 
fore his  induction,)  when,  after  some  years,  it  again  reared  its 
head,  is  well  known  to  the  readers  of  his  Life.  Mrs.  Fletcher 
had  this  enemy  to  encounter  also,  but  in  a  milder  shape.  We 
joyfujly  allow  that  Popery  has  had  (and  we  doubt  not  still  has) 
its  true  saints.  It  must  be  so  while  it  continues  sound  in  the 
doctrine  of  the  Trinity,  and  the  Atonement.  Those  in  that 
Church  who  are  led  by  the  Spirit  of  God,  will  thus  find  some 
portions  of  the  bread  of  life  amidst  the  mountains  of  chaff 
which  satisfy  earthly  minds,  and  operate  as  poison  on  those 
who  love  to  be  deceived.  It  could  not  be  but  that  the  Romish 
minister  of  Madeley  should  strive  to  gain  a  convert  like  Mrs. 
Fletcher.  He  presented  many  books  to  her,  which  were  ac- 
companied with  long  letters,  and  thus,  with  every  appearance 
of  the  most  friendly  regard,  he,  strove  to  turn  her  from  what  he 
believed  to  be  the  error  of  her  ways.  But  though  her  earthly 
head  and  shield  had  been  withdrawn,  the  zealous  pastor  found 
he  had  not  a  flighty,  uninformed,  or  unstable  Christian  to  deal 
with.  Her  short  answers,  (short  when  compared  with  the  let- 
ters which  she  had  received,)  fully  exhibiting  the  Christian 
spirit,  may  be  found  in  the  Appendix,  No.  1. 

If  we  look  at  what  may  be  called  her  public  life, — a  long  life, 
filled  with  the  work  of  faith,  the  patience  of  hope,  and  the 


t ART  VIII.]  MRS.  FLETCHER.  309 

labour  of  love,— we  cannot  but  observe  how  carefully  she  at- 
tended  to  that  sacred  warning,  given  to  all  who  are  called  to 
the  arduous  duty  of  saving  souls  from  death:  They  made  me 
keeper  of  the  vineyards,  but  my  own  vineyard  have  I  not 
kept.  We  have  seen  how  great,  how  constant,  how  perse- 
vering, even  to  the .  close  of  life,  were  her  loving  exertions ; 
but  did  they  ever  prevent,  or  weaken,  in  her  mind,  the  great 
duty  of  self-examination  ?  No :  her  eye  seemed  fixed  on  the 
Apostle's  words, — "I  therefore  so  run,  not  as  uncertainly;  so 
fight  I,  not  as  one  that  beateth  the  air :  but  I  keep  under  my 
body,  and  bring  it  into  subjection ;  lest  that  by  any  means, 
when  I  have  preached  to  others,  I  myself  should  be  a  castaway." 

I  am  sensible  that  I  here  tread  on  tender  ground.  The  ques- 
tion of  the  lawfulness,  or  even  of  the  expediency  of  female 
preaching,  will  recur  to  every  sensible  and  pious  reader; — es- 
pecially as  Mrs.  Fletcher  lived  and  died  a  member  of  the  Church 
of  England,  and  of  the  Methodist  Society,  neither  of  which 
sanctions  a  female  ministry.  But  I  cannot  but  think  that  much 
that  has  been  said  on  this  question,  especially  since  the  days 
of  George  Fox,  (when  the  ministry  of  females  received  a  regu- 
lar establishment  in  his  community,)  may  be  spared  on  this 
occasion.  Mrs.  Fletcher  has  already  spoken  on  this  subject, 
(page  93,)  and  every  candid  reader  has,  I  believe,  felt  the 
modesty  and  simplicity  of  that  short  statement.  In  truth,  her 
preaching  was  but  an  enlargement  of  her  daily  and  hourly  con- 
versation. Her  family — her  visitors,  might  be  said  to  be  her 
constant  congregation.  And  as  she  never,  in  her  more  public 
efforts,  meddled  with  the  government  of  the  Church — usurped 
authority  over  the  man,  or  made  any  display  of  a  regular  or 
authoritative  commission,  but  merely  strove  to  "  win  souls,  by 
pureness,  by  knowledge,  by  long  suffering,  by  kindness,  by  the 
Holy  Ghost,  by  love  unfeigned,  by  the  word  of  truth,  by  the 
power  of  God ;" — while  she  was  herself  the  least  and  the  ser- 
vant of  all:  may  not  every  pious  Churchman  and  Methodist 
unite,  and  say, —  Would  to  God  that  all  the  Lord's  people  were 
such  prophets  and  prophetesses. 

Mr.  Wesley,  who  never  sanctioned  a  regular  ministry  of  that 
kind,  permitted,  and  it  may  be  said,  encouraged  her  Christian 
efforts  in  that  way.  Her  conflicts  were  very  great  concerning 
her  call  in  that  respect ;  and  the  taunts  which  she  had  to  endure 
from  men,  were  very  painful.  These  she  at  length  embodied 
in  a  letter  to  Mr.  Wesley,  declaring  her  willingness  to  abide 
by  his  decision;  and  that  she  would  gladly  resist  this  impres- 
sion, if  the  Lord  should  so  direct  her  by  him.  Mr.  Wesley, 
who  well  knew  her  simplicity,  godly  .sincerity,  and  admirable 
understanding,  replied, — "  That  he  considered  it  to  be  an  ex- 
traordinary call. — That  he  also  looked  upon  the  whole  work  of 
God,  termed  Methodism,  to  be  an  extraordinary  dispensation. 


310  MRS.    FLETCHER.  {PART  VIII, 

Therefore,"  says  he,  "  I  do  not  wonder  if  several  things  occur 
therein,  which  do  not  fall  under  ordinary  rules  of  discipline. 
St.  Paul's  ordinary  rule  was,  not  to  permit  a  woman  to  speak 
in  the  congregation ;  yet  in  extraordinary  cases  he  made  a  few 
exceptions."  Mrs.  Fletcher  thanked  God  for  this  answer,  and 
continued  her  labours  of  love  to  the  close  of  her  life. 

As  I  think  it  probable  that  those  readers  whom  I  am  most 
disposed  to  gratify,  may  indulge  a  wish  that  some  specimen  of 
her  expounding  on  those  occasions,  were  recorded,  I  am  happy 
that  I  can  meet  those  wishes.  They  will  find,  in  the  Appendix, 
No.  2,  some  thoughts  left  by  her,  which  may  give  some  idea  of 
her  manner  of  teaching. — Behold  her  then  sitting  modestly  in 
the  corner  of  her  large  room,  with  the  crowded  assembly, 
(among  whom  were  not  unfrequently  some  ministers  of  eminent 
piety  and  learning,)  hanging  on  her  lips  ! — It  has  been  said, 
that  she  was  rather  too  fond  of  spiritualizing ;  I  am  therefore 
not  sorry  that  the  discourse  which  I  am  thus  enabled  to  give,  is 
of  that  kind.  I  think  the  sensible  reader  will  not  pronounce 
that  there  is  any  thing  to  blame  in  this  specimen ;  but  will 
rather  think  that  the  subject  is  soberly  treated,  and  with  a  due 
restraint  on  the  imagination.  It  is  however  only  the  outline ; 
the  enlargement,  the  colouring,  the  unction,  the  life,  are  not 
there.  These  are  gone !  The  place  of  this  evangelical  pro- 
phetess knows  her  no  more !  But  she  lives,  and  her  name  is 
as  ointment  poured  forth. — She  rests  from  her  labours,  and 
her  works  do  follow  her.  She  sees  them  not ;  she  sees  only 
the  Lamb  of  God !  But  he  sees  them  all :  not  one  of  them 
»'«  forgotten  before  God. — They  will  appear  to  assembled 
worlds  in  that  day  when  the  books  shall  be  opened;  and  being 
wrought  in  God,  they  shall  be  found  unto  praise,  and  honour, 
and  glory. 


APPENDIX  NO.  I. 


"REV.  SIR, — As  there  is  ho  act  of  friendship  greater  than  to 
care  for  the  immortal  soul,  I  consider  myself  as  truly  indebted 
to  you  for  the  kind  concern  you  have  expressed  for  mine.  J 
have  read  your  letter,  and  also  the  two  books  you  were  30  kind 
as  to  send  me ;  but  bear  with  me,  sir,  if  I  say,  I  cannot  be  of 
your  mind, — viz.  "  That  no  one  can  be  saved  out  of  the  Church 
of  Rome,  if  they  have  opportunity  of  being  instructed  by  it." 
I  consider  myself  as  a  weak  and  unworthy  member  of  the  true 
church,  which  I  believe  to  he  the  whole  body  of  true  believers 
scattered  over  all  the  earth ;  who,  having  experienced,  (or 
who  'are  earnestly  seeking  so  to  do,)  the  new  birth  mentioned 
by  our  Lord  in  the  third  chapter  of  St.  John's  Gospel,  feel  that 
they  who  are  in  Christ  are  new  creatures ;  and  who  rely  on 
the  Lord  Jesus,  our  great  atonement,  alone,  for  pardon  and 
acceptance ;  though  also  conscious,  that  without  holiness  no 
man  shall  see  the  Lord.  Now  these  sincere  followers  of  the 
Saviour,  I  consider  as  the  true  church,  whether  in  England, 
Rome,  or  any  other  part  of  the  world.  I  acknowledge  the 
word  Protestant  was  not  used  till  Luther's  time ;  but  the  truths 
we  contend  for,  I  date  from  the  time  of  our  Lord  and  his  Apos- 
tles. I  believe,  that  after  a  certain  season,  the  falling  away, 
foretold  by  St.  Paul,  2  Thessalonians,  chap,  ii,  verse  3,  took 
place,  and  a  flood  of  error  overspread  almost  all  the  Christian 
world;  only  a  little  branch  remaining  in  small  companies, 
against  whom  f  he  gates  of  hell  did  not  prevail,  though  op- 
pressed on  all  sides,  till  the  Lord  found  a  hiding  place  for 
the  woman  in  the  wilderness,  at  that  time  which  we  call  the 
Reformation. 

"  If  the  authority  of  the  church  really  springs  from  St.  Peter, 
I  apprehend  it  remained  with  those  faithful  souls  who  abode 
in  their  primitive  simplicity  when  the  rest  were  carried  away. 
But  permit  me  to  say,  I  lay  no  more  stress  on  St.  Peter,  than 
I  do  on  the  other  Apostles  ;  for  it  is  plain  our  Lord  gave  after- 
ward the  same  authority  to  them  all ;  and  it  is  certain  St.  Paul 
did  not  acknowledge  that  St.  Peter  had  any  pre-eminence  over 
the  rest,  for  he  claimed  an  equality  with  all  the  Apostles,  Gal. 
i,  15-17,  and  upon  one  occasion  '  withstood  St.  Peter  to  the 
face,'  Gal.  ii,  11.  With  regard  to  the  doctrine  of  Calvin, 
which  represents  the  God  of  love  in  a  very  wrong  light,  I 
therein  agree  with  you,  and  mourn  that  so  many  good  men  do 
hold  it.  Had  not  Christ  died  for  all,  the  Apostles  could  not 
have  been  commanded  « to  preach  the  Gospel  to  every  creature.' 
However,  I  believe  we  must  all  receive  the  Saviour  in  a  double 


312  APPENDIX  NO.  I. 

sense,  as  given  for  us,  and  as  living  in  us ; — that  we  are  en- 
tirely forgiven  for  his  sake,  and  must  also  have  a  change  into 
his  nature,  as  he  himself  said  in  the  mission  which  he  gave  to 
St.  Paul,  Acts  xxvi,  17,  18,  '  That  they  may  be  brought  from 
the  power  of  Satan  unto  God, — that  they  may  receive  forgive- 
ness of  sins,  and  inheritance  among  them  that  are  sanctified 
by  faith  that  is  in  me.' 

"  O,  sir,  may  this  loving,  faith-producing  holiness  be  found 
in  you  and  me !  For  if  we  are  not  one  with  Christ,  as  '  the 
branch  is  with  the  vine,'  continually  drawing  life  from  him, 
we  cannot  be  saved,  whatever  church  we  belong  to.  I  thank 
you  for  telling  me  you  will  remember  me  before  the  throne ; 
give  me  leave  to  say,  I  feel  myself  led  to  do  the  same  for  you : 
and  if  we  are  both  found  on  the  right  foundation,  and  meet  in 
glory,  how  sweetly  shall  we  forget  the  name  of  Romanist  and 
Protestant,  and,  in  one  voice,  unite  in  perpetual  '  hallelujahs 
to  God  and  the  Lamb  for  ever !' 

"  I  am,  Rev.  Sir,  your  obliged  servant, 

"MARY  FLETCHER." 


"Rsv.  SIR, — All  you  say  of  the  importance  of  the  soul  and 
eternal  things,  I  most  heartily  agree  with  you  in,  and  sincerely 
desire  to  turn  my  back  on  earth,  and  choose  Jesus  as  my  only 
portion.  But,  O  sir,  bear  with  me  when -I  say  I  cannot  be  of 
your  mind,  nor  receive  your  church  as  truly  catholic.  You 
say,  '  She  is  one,  whereas  we  are  divided  into  many."  Alas  ! 
how  can  she  appear  otherwise,  when  no  member  dares  to  speak 
his  mind  for  fear  of  an  inquisition  ?  If  all  hearts  were  known, 
how  many  opinions  would  be  found  among  you  ?  But  even  this 
appearance  was  not  always,  for  at  times  you  have  had  more 
popes  than  one,  and  each  had  his  own  party.  There  were 
then  divisions  and  disorders.  I  do  not  say  this  by  way  of 
reproach.  No ;  in  every  church  there  are  tares  as  well  as 
wheat :  only  I  mean,  you  are  not  free  from  division  any  more 
than  we  are,  although  force  renders  it  more  concealed. 

"Again,  I  cannot  but  greatly  object  to  your  doctrine  of  in- 
dulgence. Perhaps  you  will  say,  that  it  is  now  given  up,  as 
the  council  of  Trent  disapproved  of  it.  But  why  given  up  ? 
If  only  because  of  the  offence,  then  you  still  hold  the  same 
opinion.  Alas  !  how  hurtful  and  offensive  to  the  God  of  purity  ! 
So  a  man  may,  for  giving  alms  to  the  poor,  &c,  &c,  commit 
his  favourite  iniquity,  and  it  shall  not  be  imputed  to  him  as 
sin !  Ah,  no !  *  Without  holiness  none  shall  see  the  Lord,' 
whatever  indulgences  he  may  procure.  As  to  the  righteous- 
ness of  other  saints  being  imputed  to  him,  is  not  this  like  say- 
ing, '  Give  us  of  your  oil,  for  our  lamps  are  gone  out  1'  But, 


APPENDIX  NO.  I.  313 

perhaps  you  say,  No,  not  so ;  we  have  given  it  up,  becaune  we 
see  it  wrong,  and  an  error.  Well,  if  you  have,  I  am  glad  of 
it.  But  in  that  case,  sir,  permit  me  to  ask,  How  can  your 
popes  be  infallible,  who  have  maintained  so  sad  an  error  for  so 
many  years. 

"After  I  began  my  letter,  I  recollected  that  there  were  in  the 
house  two  litue  tracts,  one  a  Roman  Catholic  catechism,  and 
a  reply;  the  other  entitled,  'Popery  calmly  considered.'*  I 
looked  for,  and  read  them ;  and  as  they  contain  some  of  the 
ideas  I  was  about  to  mention,  I  make  free  to  send  them,  as 
writing  is  difficult  to  me,  being  very  infirm.  I  have  also 
inclosed  an  extract  of  the  Life  of  M.  de  Renty,  as  a  proof  I 
•  love  holiness  wherever  I  find  it.  It  is  a  book  I  much  love.  I 
have  also  put  in  an  account  of  a  young  woman  I  much  loved, 
which  I  think  you  will  like.  You  may  keep  these  book's  as 
long  as  you  please,  as  I  suppose  your  time  is  much  taken  up. 
The  three'  books  you  lent  me  I  have  perused,  I  trust  they  were 
real  conversions.  By  real  conversions  I  mean,  from  '  the  king- 
dom of  Satan  to  that  of  God's  dear  Son ;'  and  I  do  not  wonder 
those  persons  embraced  an  offer  which  appeared  to  be  a  refuge 
from  the  world  and  sin,  when  they  seemed  to  be  surrounded 
with  nothing  but  carnal  professors. 

"  I  cannot  conclude  our  correspondence,  sir,  without  once 
more  thanking  you  for  your  kind  concern  and  prayers ;  and 
though  we  differ  in  some  sentiments,  if  we  agree  in  an  earnest 
-desire  to  know  and  do  '  the  whole  will  of  God,'  I  can  embrace 
you  as  a  brother  in  the  Lord,  and  regard  you  as  such.  One 
day,  I  put  this  question  to  myself,  If  Mr.  — *-  was  to  become 
possessed  of  civil  power,  and  when  he  found,  after  all  his  pains, 
I  could  not  see  in  his  light,  he  should  believe  it  to  be  his  duty 
to  consume  me  at  a  stake,— could  I  love  him  then  ?  After  a 
moment's  pause,  I  replied,  Yes, — if  I  really  thought  he  believed 
it  to  be  his  duty,  I  could  honour  the  upright  intention,  though 
I  should  see  the  action  wrong.  Christ  shed  his  own  blood  for 
men ;  but  antichrist  sheds  the  blood  of  others.  Yet,  whatever 
I  might  suffer,  I  love  an  upright  intention  wherever  I  see  it.f 
"  I  am,  Rev.  Sir,  your  obliged  servant, 

"MARY  FLETCHER." 

*  By  Mr.  Wesley.— ED.          t  These  lettere  have  no  date.— ED. 
27 


APPENDIX  NO.  II. 


Acts  xxvii,  29,  They  cast  fonr^anchors  out  of  the  stern, 
and  wished  for  the  day. 

The  situation  of  the  ship  wherein  Paul  and  his  companions 
^ere,  seems  to  me  to  illustrate  the  state  and  situation  of  many 
of  us  here.     We  are  told,  There  arose  a  tempestuous  wind, 
catted,  in  that  country,  Euroclydon — a  kind  of  hurricane,  not 
carrying  the  ship  any  one  way,  but  driving  her  backward  and 
forward  with  great  violence.     So  it  is   in  general  with  those 
who  enter  on  the  voyage  of  life.    Satan,  who  is  called  the 
prince  of  the  power  of  the  air,  and  who  ruleth  in  the  hearts 
of  the  children  of  disobedience,  keeps  the  mind  in  a  continual 
agitation.     Sometimes  they  are  sunk,  and  almost  crushed, 
under  a  weight  of  care ;  and  again  raised  high  on  the  waves  of 
some  expected  pleasure.     One  while  they  are  filled  with  resent- 
ment, on  account  of  some  slight  from  a  neighbour,  or  an  unjust 
accusation  from  an  enemy ;  while  the  mind  is  harassed  with 
the  imagination,  how  it.  shall  be  cleared.    Sometimes  the  most 
idle  and  extravagant  fancies  so  deeply  involve  it,  that  no  mes- 
sage from  heaven  can  find  any  more  entertainment  than  the 
Saviour  could  find  in  the  inn  at  Bethlehem.     By  all  this,  the 
soul  becomes  restless,  and  knows  not  where  it  is,  nor  which 
way  it  is  going.    It  does  not  feel  that  it  is  in  a  state  of  proba- 
tion, and  that  thjs  trial  is  to  fix  its  eternal  lot.     Dear  souls,  is 
not  this  the  case  with  some  of  you  ?     You  do  not  know  where 
you  are — you  do  not  consider  this  may  be  your  last  night,  per- 
haps your  last  hour.    Your  eternal  state  will  then  be  fixed  for 
ever.     If  the  Lord  should  call  you  this  hour,  are  you  ready  ! 
O  remember,  it  is  the  word  of  Jehovah  himself,   "  The  ox 
knoweth  his  owner,  and  the  ass  his  master's  crib,  but  Israel 
doth  not  know — my  people  doth  not  consider."    Again,  do 
you  know  where  you  are  going  ?   Why,  you  are  going  the 
broad  road;  you  are  going  to  heH  as  fast  as  you  can.    It  is  a 
narrow  way  that  leads  to  heaven,  and  you  do  not  know  one 
step  of  it.     You  have  not  began  to  walk  therein,  nor  perhaps 
to  think  about  it.     O.that  you  were  wise,  that  you  understood 
this,  that  you  would  consider  your  latter  end!    It  maybe 
you  find  a  great  many  things  to  divert  and  take  up  your  mind ; 
it  is  employed  by  Satan  from  hour  to  hour.     You  are  like  the 
disobedient  prophet,  asleep  in  the  ship  when  a  great  storm 
lay  upon  them.    You  neither  see  nor  know  your  danger.    Are 
you  the  safer  for  this !    Would  not  those  who  are  awake  cry 
out  to  such,  Awake,  thou  sleeper,  and  call  upon  thy  God  ? 
Thou  art  on  the  very  brink  of  destruction.    Well  then,  permit 


APPENDIX  NO.  II.  315 

me  so  to  call  upon  you,  lest,  when  we  meet  at  the  great  day, 
you  should  upbraid  me  that  I  had  once  an  opportunity  of  warn- 
ing you,  and  that  I  did  it  but  by  halves ;  and  so  the  blood  of 
your  souls  should  be  found  in  my  skirts.  I  fear  for  many  in  this 
parish.  My  soul  oft  weeps  in  secret  for  them,  lest  the  word 
which  to  others  proves  the  savour  of  life,  should  to  them  be- 
come the  savour  of  death,  and  rise  up  in  judgment  against  them. 
But  I  hope  you,  who  are  this  night  within  the  reach  of  my 
voice,  are  in  a  degree  awakened,  and  most  of  you  eanu  *'v 
longing  to  be  brought  out  of  the  storm  into  the  quiet  harbour 
of  Jesus'  breast.  To  these  I  chiefly  feel  my  message  to  bey 
though  I  was  not  willing  to  leave  the  sleepers  wholly  disre- 
t  garded.  Well,  let  us  see  what  ^liey  did  in  this  great  danger, 
that  we  may  do  likewise.  Paul  says,  "  As  we  were  exceedingly 
tossed  with  a  tempest,  the  next  day  we  lightened  the  ship,  and 
the  third  flay  we  cast  out  with  our  own  hands  the  tackling  of 
the  ship.  And  as  neither  sun  nor  stars  appeared  for  many 
days,*  and  no  small  tempest  lay  on  us,  all  hope  of  being  saved 
was  taken  away."  Observe,  first,  they  lightened  the  ship, — 
lighten  your  hearts !  There  is  too  much  of  the  world  in  them. 
They  cast  out  their  merchandise, — cast  away  your  idols !  You 
will  say,  perhaps,  "  I  cannot."  True ;  I  know  you  cannot  your- 
selves ;  but  if  you  will  call  on  the  Lord  in  the  time  of  trouble, 
he  hath  said,  I  will  hear  thee,  and  thou  shall  glorify  me.  If 
you  will  begin  to  pray  in  good  earnest,  and  persevere  therein, 
as  the  Lord  is  true,  you  shall  know  the  liberty  of  his  children, 
and  have  power  to  cast  all  your  idols  to  the  moles,  and  to  the 
bats.  Well,  but  on  the  third  day  they  cast  out  the  tackling 
of  the  ship ; — the  very  thing  which  we  might  think  they  would 
have  kept,  in  order  to  manage  the  vessel.  No, — all  must  go ! 
Cast  away  your  false  confidence  in  any  thing  of  your  own ; 
despair  of  any  help  but  from  the  Lord  Jesus.  Yet  obey  his  word ; 
Look,  remember  he  sayn,  Look  unto  me,  and  be  ye  saved;  yea, 
look  unto  him  as  the  author  and  finisher  of  your  faith.  Wait 
upon  him ;  and  remember  the  mind  is  the  mouth  of  the  soul — 
therefore,  according  as  you  feed  your  mind  with  thoughts,  so 
will  the  state  of  your  soul  be  discovered.  Look,  I  say,  unto 
him,  and  your  soul  shall  ride  out  the  storm. 

And  now  a  gleam  of  hope  appears.  Paul  stood  up  and  said, 
"  Be  of  good  courage ;  for  there  shall  be  no  loss  of  any  life 
among  you.  The  angel  of  that  God  whose  I  am,  and  whom  I 
serve,  stood  by  me  this  night,  and  said,  Fear  not,  Paul ;  thou 
must  be  presented  before  Cesar,  and  lo,  I  have  given  tbee  all 
them  that  sail  with  thee."  So  may  hope  spring  up  to  thee  this 
present  moment,  whether  thou  art  a  poor  backslider,  or  one  of 
the  ship's  company,  who  till  this  very  hour  hast  been  fast  asleep  • 
*  Which  was  the  more  terrible,  the  use  of  the  compass  not  being  then  di» 


816  APPENDIX   NO*  II. 

but  if  now  awake,  if  now  in  earnest,  and  willing  to  be  saved,  > 
come  a  step  farther  yet,  and  observe  what  they  did  next.  They 
cast  four  anchors  out  of  the  stern,  and  wished  for  day. 
There  is  no  day  to  the  soul  till  Christ  manifests  his  cheering 
presence.  In  order  to  wait  for  that,  follow  their  example — they 
cast  out  four  anchors.  Let  us  do  so  this  night.  Remember  it 
is  your  part  to  believe,  and  it  is  the  Lord's  to  give  the  peace 
and  joy  consequent  on  believing.  Let  us,  then,  make  re- 
peated acts  of  faith,  so  casting  our  anchor  farther  and  farther 
within  the  vail,  and  we  shall  draw  up  our  souls  nearer  and 
nearer  to  God. 

Well,  let  us  try  to  cast  out  one  anchor  now.  I  am  sensible 
your  cable  is  short,  therefore  jve  must  seek  for  some  ground  as  < 
near  you  as  we  can.  We  will  try,  if  we  can,  to  find  it  in  the 
creating  love  of  God,  surrounding  us  on  every  side.  Look 
through  the  creation, — observe  the  tender  love  o'f  the  birds  to- 
ward their  young,  yea,  even  the  most  savage  beasts !  From 
whence  does  this  spring1?  It  is  from  God.  It  ie  a  shadow  of 
that  infinite  compassion  which  reigns  in  his  heart.  Rise  a  little 
higher.  Fix  your  eye  on  man.  How  does  he  love  a  stubborn 
eon  who  will  neither  serve  God  nor  him  1  True,  he  frowns  on 
him,  and  corrects  him,  lest  it  should  be  said  to  him  as  to  Eli, 
Thou  preferest  thy  son  before  me ; — but  if  that  son  shed  but 
a  tear  of  sorrow, — raise  but  a  sigh  of  repentance, — if  he  but 
come  a  few  steps,  how  does  the  father's  bowels  yearn  toward 
him !  How  doth  he  run  to  meet  him  !  Now  carry  the  idea  a 
little  higher ; — Are  ye  not  the  offspring  of  God  ?  Has  he  not 
said,  "  I  have  created  thee  for  my  glory  ?  I  have  formed  thee 
for  my  praise."  Is  not  "  his  mercy  over  all  his  works  ?"  Be- 
lieve then,  that  this  "Author  of  all  love,  is  more  ready  to  give 
the  Holy  Spirit  to  you,  than  you  are  to  give  good  gifts  to  your 
children."  Will  not  this  anchor  take?  Does  it  still  come 
home  1  Well,  the  ground  is  good,  but  your  cable  is  too  short. 
Let  us  try  another  anchor ; — and  we  will  drop  it  on  Redeem- 
ing love. 

Lift  up  your  eyes  of  faith,— behold  your  bleeding  Saviour ! 
See  all  your  sins  laid  on  his  sacred  head !  Behold  him  as  your 
Surety  before  the  throne,  and  hear  him  plead, — "  I  have  tasted 
death  for  every  man.  Thou,  Father,  wast  in  me  reconciling 
the  world  to  thyself,  not  imputing  their  trespasses  to  them."  I 
stood  before  thee,  charged  with  them  all.  If  this  poor  soul,  who 
cries  for  mercy,  is  deeply  in  debt  to  thee,  place  it  to  my  ac- 
count :  I  will  repay.  Now  venture  on  him,  venture  freely. 
He  hath  drank  all  the  bitter  cup  for  you,  and  he  offers  this  night 
to  take  you  into  fellowship  and  communion  with  himself.  "  He 
was  delivered  for  your  offences !  He  hath  cancelled  all  the 
charge  against  you;"  yea,  "  He  was  raised  again  for  your  jus-  r 
tification."  Your  Surety  is  exalted  in  proof  that  your  debt  ia 


APPENDIX,  HO.  H.  317 

paid.    Come,  let  me  hear  some  voice  among  you  giving  praise, 
and  saying  with  the  Christian  poet^— 

"  Now  I  have  found  the  ground  wherein 
•Sure  my  soul's  anchor  may  remain ; 
The  wounds  of  Jesus  for  my  sin, 
Before  the  world's  foundation  slain." 

Methinks  this  anchor  will  hold.    Is  there  not  an  increase  of 
hope?  Hearken  !  You  shall  hear  his  voice.   Himself  hath  said, 
'Hear,  O  my  people,  and  I  will  speak!"    Heaven  is  never 
dumb,  but  when  man  hardens  his  heart.  , 

But  perhaps  there  are  some  poor  trembling  souls  still  left 
behind.  For  the  sake  of  such,  we  will  try  to  find  firm  ground 
a  little  nearer  yet.  We  will  drop  our  third  anchor  on  the 
Promises.  Here  are  some  quite  within  your  reach,  "  He  that 
cometh  unto  me  I  will  in  no  wise  cast  out.  Whosoever  will, 
let  him  take  of  the  water  of  life  freely.  I  came  not  to  call  the 
righteous,  but  sinners  to  repentance."  Yes,  He  came  to  seek 
and  to  save  that  which  is  lost.  Are  you  lost  ?  Lost  in  your 
own  estimation  1  Then  he  came  to  save  you.  Yes,  and  to  seek 
you  too ; — and  he  seeks  you  this  night  as  diligently  as  ever 
shepherd  sought  his  lost  sheep.  Will  you  be  found  of  him. 
Yea,  if  you  will  believe  in  his  love.  Remember, — "He  willeth 
not  the  death  of  a  sinnfir ;  but  had  rather  he  would  turn  from 
his  wickedness,  and  live."  And  though  it  should  appear  to 
thee  as  if  a  mountain  stood  in  the  way,  yet  this  is  the  word  of 
truth, — If  thou  canst  believe  ;  all  things  are  possible  to  him 
that  believeth.  Thou  shall  say  to  this  mountain,  Depart, 
and  it  shall  be  done.  There  is  no  getting  one  step  forward 
in  the  heavenly  road  without  courage,  or,  in  other  words,  faith ; 
and  I  trust  there  are  here  many  whose  anchor  has  held  in  the 
first  ground,  Creating  love,  more  in  the  second,  Redeeming 
love,  and  surely  trembling  sinners  have  found  some  hold  in  the 
Promises.  The  Word  of  God  is  full  of  them,  and  they  are 
all  for  you.  All  belong  to  a  wounded  conscience — to  sinners 
seeking  the  power  of  faith  to  conquer  their  sins,  and  bring  them 
to  God.  But  yet  I  fear  there  may  be  a  feeble-minded  one  who 
is  still  left  behind,  and  I  am  unwilling  any  should  remain  in 
darkness,  when  Christ  offers  them  light.  But,  perhaps  such 
will  say, — "  O,  I  am  an  ungrateful  sinner.  I  have  turned  away 
my  eyes  from  Jesus.  The  world,  and  the  wild  imaginations  of 
my  polluted  affections,  have  stolen  between  me  and  the  Sa- 
viour. Once  "the  candle  of  the  Lord  did  shine  upon  my  head!" 
But  now  he  is  gone ;  my  beloved  hath  withdrawn  himself, 
and  I  am  again  shorn  of  my  strength,  and  feeble  as  another 
man.  Well,  do  not  despair.  Thy  soul  shall  yet  ride  the  storm. 
There  is  yet  one  anchor  more,  but  it  is  possible  you  will  not 
all  admire  it.  Some  will  cry  out,  Is  that  all  1  O,  it  is  too  low. 
But  let  me  tell  you,  low  as  you  esteem  it,  because  it  seem* 
27* 


318  APPENDIX  NO.  II. 

within  your  reach,  it  will  rise  to  the  highest  mansion  in  heaven. 
It  is,  I  own,  a  little  dark  at  the  first  view,  but  the  more  you  look 
upon  it,  the  brighter  it  will  grow.  Remember  it  was  the  sound 
of  a  rain's  horn,  and  the  shout  of  human  voices,  that  shook 
the  mighty  watts  of  Jericho.  God  delights  to  do  great  things 
by  little  means. 

The  name  then  of  my  fourth  anchor  is,  Resignation ;  and 
there  is  a  motto  engraved  thereon,  "In  quietness  and  confidence 
shall  thy  strength  be."  You  that  are  asleep  have  nothing  to  do 
with  this :  but  you  who  are  awake,  and  groaning  for  the  salva- 
tion you  have  forfeited, — you  are  invited,  nay  commanded,  to 
cast  it  out.  You  have  fallen  by  a  worldly  spirit,  and  by  in- 
dulging a  busy  and  idolatrous  imagination.  Come,  then,  let 
jhis  be  the  moment !  Now  cast  your  whole  soul, — your  ever- 
lasting concerns,  on  the  free,  unmerited  love  of  the  Saviour, 
and  live  upon — Thy  will  be  done !  Let  your  soul  cry  out,  "I 
will  bear  the  indignation  of  the  Lord,  because  I  have  sinned 
ajrainst  him."  Abandon  yourself,  as  a  victim,  into  his  hand, 
and  there  lie  as  clay  before  the  potter.  If  you  are  tempted 
because  you  cannot  pray,  let  this  be  your  prayer, — let  the  con- 
stant cry  of  your  heart  be, —  Thy  will  be  done  on  earth  an  it 
is  done  in  heaven.  And  take  knowledge,  while  you  are  so 
doing,  your  prayer  is  echoed  by  the  highest  archangel  in  heaven ; 
for  the  glory  of  that  bright  abode  is  a  perfect  resignation,  fully 
consistent  with  the  most  faithful  activity.  You  are  permitted 
to  pray, — Father,  let  this  cup  pass  from  me ; — yet,  while  you 
add,  not  my  will,  but  thy  will  be  done,  you  join  in  spirit  with 
the  Saviour  and  Captain  of  your  salvation.  I  have  often 
found,  in  an  hour  of  temptation,  when  no  other  anchor  seemed 
to  hold,  that  thought,  the  Lord  reigneth ;  his  will  and  glory 
shall  be  accomplished,  and  in  that  I  will  rejoice,  has  brought 
peace,  and  laid  the  storm.  Lie  down  at  his  dear  feet,  and  re- 
member, "  Whom  he  loveth,  he  chasteneth,  and  correcteth 
every  son  whom  he  receiveth."  He  brings  your  sins  to  your 
remembrance,  that  your  soul  may  be  brought  to  know  its  misery 
and  wants,  and  in  order  that  he  may  burn  them  up  with  the 
purifying  fire  of  his  love.  Take  courage,  then,  and,  with  one 
voice,  let  us  all  unite  in  the  cry, — Thy  will  be  done!  Thy 
will  be  done !  And  our  song  shall  be  echoed  through  all  the 
courts  above.  Here,  then,  drop  your  anchor.  It  is  sound 
ground,  and  it  will  not  come  home.  With  this  patient  faith, 
therefore,  be  found  in  all  the  means  of  grace,  walking  humbly, 
while  you  do  his  will,  "  And  pleading  the  promises,  which  are 
yea  and  amen  in  Christ.  Blessed  are  all  they  who  wait  for  him." 
We  read  of  Paul's  company^ — That  they  cast  out  four  an- 
chors, and  wished  for  the  day'.  Do  you  the  same,  for  that  is 
a  wish  very  pleasing  to  the  Lord.  I  observed  before,  That  it 
is  not  day  light  with  the  soul  till  that  promise  is  accomplished, 


APPENDIX  NO.  It.  319 

/  wtil  manifest  myself  unto  him.  Here  is  the  great  design  of 
the  wonderful  plan  of  salvation, — to  restore  man  to  his  original 
communion  with  God ;  and  he  who  hath  said,  /  will  give  unto 
him  that  is  athirst  of  the  water  of  life  freely, — now  waits  to 
make  your  souls  his  loved  abode,  the  temple  of  indwelling  God. 
There  is  a  rest  which  remains  Tor  the  people  of  God ;  and  you 
who  love  the  Lord,  remember,  He  came  not  only  that  you 
might  have  life,  but  that  you  may  have  it  more  abundantly. 
Cry,  my  beloved  friends,  day  and  night,  that  you  may  "  enter 
into  the  land  of  uprightness,  on  which  the  eyes  of  the  Lord  are 
continually,"  from  the  beginning  of  the  year  to  the  end.  But 
when  the  people  of  Israel  slighted  the  rest  of  Canaan,  and  had 
lost  that  courage  by  which  alone  they  could  enter, — how  greatly 
did  it  offend  the  Lord !  And  will  he  approve  lazy  dull  seekers 
of  that  spiritual  Canaan,' that  baptism  of  the  Spirit,  to  which 
every  believer  is  expressly  called  ?  We  often  talk  of  the  time 
when  righteousness  is  to  overspread  the  earth,  but  this  mil- 
lennium must  overspread  our  own  hearts,  if  we  would  see  the 
face  of  God  with  joy.  For  the  very  end  of  our  creation  is,  that 
we  may  become  the  habitation  of  God  through  the  Spirit. 


THE    END. 


• 


uni 


